Dragon Laffs #1302

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Good morning campers!  Today is 8 December 2012.  Lets do some math…
There are only 16 shopping days left until Christmas.
01end-of-the-world1There are only 13 days left until the end of the Mayan Calendar and thus, the end of the world.  As you can see to the left, my artist rendition of the end of the world by being eaten by a(n) (Impish) Dragon.  Itdance does resemble a big blueberry doughnut hole or a round cake.  Santa, from what I understand, is quite happy that the calendar runs out a couple of days before Christmas.  You can verify the truth of what’s going to happen by how often Santa has been sighted getting ready for the big day.  From everything we’ve seen here at DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises, LLC, Santa has been behaving very strangely.  I can’t really go into it much here, but let’s just say that he is behaving quite alien to his normal actions.

I have a bit of late breaking stuff: I just received a package in the mail today, from my dad, the world famous wood carver.  I say world famous because he has one at least one WORLD wood carving championship!!!  I’ll show you pictures of that later on, but for now, this is what he sent me and my beautiful wife, (whose online moniker is mae-rabbit) (that will make sense in a moment).

IMG_2786yes, indeed.  That is our little blue Impish Dragon, complete with beer can and cigarette (although I now smoke a cigar).  And for my Mae-Rabbit’s side, Bugs Bunny with boobs.  You can’t see the boobs so well in this picture, but here’s some more…
A nice little close-up on me…
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And one with a slightly better shot of the boobs…lolIMG_2794And I’d like to publicly thank my dad for this wonderful gift.  Dad, you made me cry this morning.  Thank you, sir.  I love you with all  my heart.

Now, I think it’s time to get our laff on.  Heaven knows that there ain’t much time to NOT laff.

Let's Laugh 1120LOL. I’ve had a similar thing happen to me.  Except it was dinner that was on the roof of the car and it wasn’t dead yet.

This one is called “Redneck Sky-Diving”

I can’t help but think how much fun it looks like.  But folks, please don’t try this at home.

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Boy did they get this one wrong…

Liberal Compares Obama’s Push for Tax Hikes to Lincoln Wanting to End Slavery
posted on December 3, 2012 by 

On an NPR broadcast, E. J. Dionne and David Brooks were discussing the “fiscal cliff” that we may or may not go over. Dionne, an op-ed writer for the uber-liberalWashington Post, compared President Obama’s resolve in pushing for more taxes to Abraham Lincoln who “stood his ground on the fundamental principle that we needed the 13th Amendment and needed to ban slavery.”

In the Lincoln-Douglas debates, Lincoln stated that every person has the natural right “to eat the bread which he has earned by the sweat of his brow.”

While this phrase was not unique to Lincoln[1], nevertheless, he was right.

Income is the result of people working or investing. Taxation takes some of that hard-earned money.

Some taxes are necessary and equitable; most are not. For example, the gasoline tax is equitable and does not violate the 13th Amendment since the money (supposedly) goes to build roads and bridges that we travel on. If we don’t drive, we don’t pay the tax that’s levied on every gallon of gasoline sold. Of course, the tax is paid by people who don’t drive but in an indirect way. Goods and services that travel over roads have the cost of fuel built into the price of those goods or services (e.g., repairmen, UPS and FedEx deliveries, etc.). No involuntary servitude is in view.

But in terms of taxation as a form of wealth redistribution, taxation is a form slavery. Money is taken from people who work and then given to people who don’t work. More than 6000,000 Americans died to end that form of wealth distribution, so it’s rather remarkable that Mr. Dioone would make such an outrageous comparison.

Slavery comes in a number of forms. Our most immediate familiarity with slavery is chattel slavery which was visible. But there are other forms of slavery that are more subtle, as Steven Yates and Ray E. Bornert II point out in their article “Is the Income Tax a Form of Slavery?”:

[S]lavery is non-ownership of one’s Person and Labor. It is involuntary servitude. A slave must work under a whip, real or figurative, wielded by other persons, his owners, with no say in how (or even if) his labors are compensated. His is a one-way contract he cannot opt out of. A slave is tied to his master (and to the land where he labors). He cannot simply quit if he doesn’t like it. Moreover, a slave can be bought and sold like any other commodity.

When Congress passes laws to tax our labor, is this not a form of slavery when what’s collected goes to other people? We can’t choose to labor somewhere else to avoid a federal income tax. It might help to understand the relationship between taxation and slavery if we described taxation on income as a tax on labor. We could then apply the 13th Amendment:

“Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for a crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. Congress shall have the power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.”

If the government can take a percentage of money I get for my labor that is then passed on to other people, then this is a clear violation of the constitutional prohibition against “involuntary servitude.”  So, in essence, rather than comparing Obama’s tax hike to trying to end slavery, it should be more compared to the South’s desire to continue slavery for their own purposes.  My hard work and money going to someone else.

“If we work 40 hours a week, and another entity forcibly conscripts 25% of our compensation, then we argue that we have been forced into involuntary servitude – slavery – for 10 of those 40 hours. . . .”  So, we’re basically being told that 25% slavery is okay?  Well, I’m not okay with that!

It’s that simple.

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Observations

The White House reported its December holiday plans
include a traditional Hanukkah ceremony. It’s a
beautiful ritual. Every year President Obama says
a prayer and lights the candles on a Menorah and
then Joe Biden makes a wish and blows them out.


The life expectancy in Monaco is the highest in the
world at 89.7 years, while one of the lowest is
Afghanistan at 49.7 years. Although one good thing
about living in Afghanistan is that Social Security
benefits kick in at 16.It’s so bad there that Willard
Scott mentions your birthday on the air when you turn 50.

 



 

A survey says that most Americans are likely to say
they belong to the middle class. Mostly because the
economy has sunk so low that the lower class is
pretty much now confined to prisoners, winos and
people working at Wal-Mart.


 

Congress is looking to replace dollar bills with coins
in order to save the Treasury Department billions of
dollars. They already pretty much have replaced the
dollar with a coin. It’s called the penny.


Jamie Foxx hosted the Soul Train Awards on BET Sunday and
opened his monologue by giving thanks to God and to the lord
and savior Barack Obama. Christian conservatives and
Republicans were just fine with it. This time they plan to use
two boulders on the cave.

 

The White House Council on Economic Advisors predicted an
uptick in employment across the U.S. in December. They
predicted several hundred thousand new jobs will be created.
The bad news is, most of those new jobs will require a beard,
a red suit and a sack.

 

Bill Clinton was reportedly under consideration Monday to be
named U.S. Ambassador to Ireland for the administration. The
timing is perfect. Hillary Clinton is about to retire from her
globe-trotting job as Secretary of State, and their deal was,
separate hemispheres.

 

The London Mail unearthed old classified U.S. documents
showing President Dwight D. Eisenhower considered firing
a rocket and hitting the moon with an atomic bomb during
the Cold War. The idea was to intimidate the Russians. The
plan was inspired by a hand-written letter that the president
received from a sixth grader named Dick Cheney.

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My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I’ve only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.

FantasyPicGreen

Merry Christmas2

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, ”You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog says, ”This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” ”No,” says the psychic. ”Next semester in her biology class.”

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golf

And here’s another golf joke for Dad…

Harry teed up, addressed his golf ball, and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice. The ball left the fairway he was playing, and it went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face.

He dropped like a rock!

Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious and with the ball lying between his feet.

“Oh no!” exclaimed Harry. “What should we do?”

“I’m not sure,” said his partner. “But don’t move him! If we just leave him here, he’s an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies or drop it two club lengths away without penalty.”
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The professor was making a point about the pervasiveness of marketing. He asked his students, “Which company has the slogan, ‘come fly the friendly skies’?”

“United.”

“Correct. Can you tell me which company has the slogan, “Don’t leave home without it?”

“American Express.”

“Right. Now tell me who uses the slogan, ‘Just do it’?”

“My Mom.”

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A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits.

Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer’s disease, research indicates. Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.blank dragon10

Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.

In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.

The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald’s, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino’s Pizza, Star- bucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.

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The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.

“My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!” the shaken man

“The car hit you from behind,” the officer said. “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?”

“I recognized the laugh!”
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Websites to visit

If you like traveling, you will really enjoy this.
These pics were taken from an airplane and you have to guess where the location is.
There are 16 photos and you probably won’t get a perfect score and will also miss at least one you’ll say you should have gotten!
Click Here: GuessTheSpot.Com –
How Well Do You Know Landmarks
NOTE: When you click on the site, the landmark appears and there are four possible answers. The first answer is always checked. This is an error. That may or may not be the correct answer. You can change the answer by checking the correct
I got 14/16 right!  Very surprising, but then again, as a dragon, I’m used to seeing landmarks from above.
Motivational
Onsie

Oops

Optical Illusion

Overkill

Let’s wrap up today’s issue with a look back at the 72nd anniversary of Pearl Harbor, which actually happened yesterday…
The Last Word

Taken from wikipedia…

The attack on Pearl Harbor (called Hawaii Operation or Operation AI[9][10] by the Japanese Imperial General Headquarters (Operation Z in planning)[11] and the Battle of Pearl Harbor[12]) was a surprise military strike conducted by the Imperial Japanese Navy against the United States naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, on the morning of December 7, 1941 (December 8 in Japan). The attack was intended as a preventive action in order to keep the U.S. Pacific Fleet from interfering with military actions the Empire of Japan was planning in Southeast Asia against overseas territories of the United Kingdom, the Netherlands, and the United States.

The base was attacked by 353[13] Japanese fighters, bombers and torpedo planes in two waves, launched from six aircraft carriers.[13] All eight U.S. Navy battleships were damaged, with four being sunk. Of these eight damaged, two were raised, and with four repaired, six battleships returned to service later in the war. The Japanese also sank or damaged three cruisers, three destroyers, an anti-aircraft training ship,[nb 4] and one minelayer. 188 U.S. aircraft were destroyed; 2,402 Americans were killed[15] and 1,282 wounded. Important base installations such as the power station, shipyard, maintenance, and fuel and torpedo storage facilities, as well as the submarine piers and headquarters building (also home of the intelligence section) were not attacked. Japanese losses were light: 29 aircraft and five midget submarines lost, and 65 servicemen killed or wounded. One Japanese sailor was captured.

The attack came as a profound shock to the American people and led directly to the American entry into World War II in both the Pacific and European theaters. The following day (December 8), the United States declared war on Japan. Domestic support for non-interventionism, which had been strong,[16] disappeared. Clandestine support of Britain (for example the Neutrality Patrol) was replaced by active alliance. Subsequent operations by the U.S. prompted Germany and Italy to declare war on the U.S. on December 11, which was reciprocated by the U.S. the same day.

There were numerous historical precedents for unannounced military action by Japan. However, the lack of any formal warning, particularly while negotiations were still apparently ongoing, led President Franklin D. Roosevelt to proclaim December 7, 1941, “a date which will live in infamy”.0Attack_on_Pearl_Harbor_Japanese_planes_view

Photograph from a Japanese plane of Battleship Row at the beginning of the attack. The explosion in the center is a torpedo strike on the USS Oklahoma. Two attacking Japanese planes can be seen: one over the USS Neosho and one over the Naval Yard.

0 754px-Pearl_Harbor_looking_southwest-Oct41Pearl Harbor on October 30, 1941

0  PearlHarborCarrierChartRoute followed by the Japanese fleet to Pearl Harbor and back

0 766px-A6M2_on_carrier_Akagi_1941An Imperial Japanese Navy Mitsubishi A6M2 “Zero” fighter on the aircraft carrier Akagi.

0 SB2U-3_VMSB-231_Ewa_7Dec1941A destroyed Vindicator at Ewa field, the victim of one of the smaller attacks on the approach to Pearl Harbor.

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Leprechaun Laugh # 170 for Wednesday December 5th 2012

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Body Hiding Friend

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Lethal here folks-

Our header this week was to have been last week’s before Notre Dame won versus USC and became the only undefeated team in the BCS requiring me to make a new one to get my brag on. Alabama narrowly won Saturday so I have only until Jan 7th to live now…especially if the Irish beat them.  On top of that, The Texans are playing the Patriots next Monday for the AFC Division Title and a birth in the Super Bowl. This means my loyalties will place me at odds with Molly’s entire family. While many of them are Cowboys fans even that faction would rather see the Texans win than the Patriots. So you’ll to excuse me if I’m pulling for the Mayan End of Days to beat Molly and her family to killing me over football.

Having the header hanging around for a week got me to thinking however about something that we might be overlooking this year what with the possibly probable end of days vying for attention with Christmas and all.

So, with an apology for interrupting your contemplation of your perfect last day on Earth or that perfect Christmas gift for crazy Uncle Biff from California, I have to point out there just MIGHT be something you are overlooking this holiday season-

Revenge.

Now we all know all the popular axioms regarding this:

Mafia: If you must hurt a man, do it so brutally that you need not fear his revenge.

Chinese: Before starting out for revenge first dig two graves.

Klingon: Revenge is a dish best served cold (and it’s very cold in space).

English: Women do most delight in revenge.

Irish: Men are more prone to revenge injuries than to requite kindnesses.

and we all know, thanks to several insider staff leaks in Obama’s  Press/Communications Department, that his second term will be very Nixon-esque in his revenge seeking upon those gracing his enemies list, but what about you’re revenge list?

You say that revenge just perpetuates things? Practicing ‘an eye for an eye” leads to a world of the blind? Bugger that line of reasoning! The world may well be coming to an end in 16 days folks! That means any window of opportunity for revenge is fast closing! If you don’t get on the stick (or beat that guy from Accounting who takes his frustrations from his last IRS audit out on your expense account WITH the stick) revenge is going to be the dish you never even checked to see if you had the ingredients for!

As the best body hiding pal to many of you I expect to become geometrically busier everyday with the hiding bodies thing. Not only that but there is a finite limit to how many bodies Impish can be expected to eat I mean places I can stash bodies, even doubling or tripling up! Then you got those long friends people expecting that seniority has its privileges, my contractual body hiding obligations, Impish revenge list MY revenge list- Hell I may be hiding bodies right up until they start becoming Zombies!

My point is plan early and soon because you just might be stuck hiding your bodies yourself if you don’t!

Opening Logo 6

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Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Greg’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Greg’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three arrive at the camping site only to find Greg sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. “Shit, Greg, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, “Guess who?” I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, “Do whatever you want.”

So, Here I am. You guys want a beer?”

 

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Bogus Browser Updates Put PCs, Phones at Risk

by Ben Weitzenkorn, Staff Writer, Security, TechNewsDaily November 28 2012 03:45 PM ET

http://www.technewsdaily.com/15702-browser-update-malware.html

Hackers are using malicious ads to dupe victims into downloading bogus Web-browser updates, just a few days after real security updates from Mozilla Firefox and Google Chrome.

The scam begins with a typical scareware tactic. Victims land on a malicious Web page and are (wrongly) informed that their browsers are outdated, researchers at StopMalvertising reported. The victims are then offered a link to download a patch for the browser being used.

Users who click the link will download a malicious JavaScript code containing a Trojan. Once inside, the Trojan points the browser to a new homepage, also full of malware, Trend Micro discovered.

Visitors to the malicious sites on mobile devices risk infection from malware that secretly sends premium text messages, essentially robbing victims through their service providers.

For years, scammers have been taking advantage of new product launches, updates and the hype and fear that surround them. Recently, scammers took advantage of interest around the iPhone 5 and even Hurricane Sandy.

Users can stop themselves from becoming victims by keeping abreast of their browser’s updating protocols and only downloading files from trusted sources.

Scammers rely on victims who overlook details and behave irrationally, motivated by fear or a bargain. Always make sure the URL is familiar, and that the domain name in the address bar is the legitimate one.

Firefox prompts users for an update via an alert, not a popup browser window, and Chrome updates itself automatically.

Although other browsers are not affected in this particular hack, Safari users should know that Apple updates its native browser as a part of its bigger OS updates.

Internet Explorer updates through the onboard Windows Update, never through the browser.

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The Top 5 Songs About Holiday Shopping

5> I’ll Be Broke by Christmas
4> Thirty Wreaths Sold Dirt Cheap
3> I Saw Mommy Shopping Amazon
2> Another Dick in the Mall

and the Number 1 Song About Holiday Shopping…

1> Papa’s Got a Brand Name Bag

[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/HumorLabs.com ]

Dl - Hazmat Groaner

Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps.

Q. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a shark?
A. Frost bite.

Q. Where do snowmen go to dance?
A. A snow ball.

Q. What do you call an unreliable snowman?
A. A snow flake.

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  PAst Feature Update

Senate panel approves bill requiring police to get a warrant to read emails

By Perry Chiaramonte Published November 29, 2012 FoxNews.com

While it’s too early for huzzahs, handsprings, and the hatching of criminal plots via your e-mails. This recent development gives some minor cause for hope in the battle to keep Big Brothers nose out your electronic business. Of particular concern is the mention of the possibility of a ‘delay of 90 days for notice’ for non law enforcement federal agencies

A key Senate panel approved legislation Thursday  that would require police to obtain a search warrant from a judge before they can read a private citizen’s emails, Facebook messages or other electronic communications.

The revised Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) passed by the Senate Judiciary Committee will now move on to the full Senate for a vote. Passage would be a victory for privacy advocates, who say current privacy rules have been left in the dust by technological progress.

‘After decades of the erosion of Americans’ privacy rights, we finally have a rare opportunity for progress on privacy protection.’ – Sen. Pat Leahy, (D-Vt.)

Committee Chairman Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.), who played a key role in drafting the original bill, has called the existing law, written 26 years ago, “anachronistic.”

Leahy said that Americans “face even greater threats to their digital privacy, as we witness the explosion of new technologies and the expansion of the government’s surveillance powers.”

The revised law will make it more difficult for the government to access the content of a consumer’s emails and private files from Google, Yahoo and other Internet providers.

Under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) of 1986, police only need a subpoena, issued without a judge’s approval, to read emails that have been opened or that are more than 180 days old.

The updated law would require a judge to sign off on a warrant to obtain any email from any time period from a third-party provider. It also eliminates the “180-day rule” that in the past has established different legal standards for law-enforcement to obtain older emails.

“[When the current law was drafted,] no one could have imagined that emails would be stored electronically for years or envisioned the many new threats to privacy in cyberspace,” Leahy said. “That is why I am working to update this law to reflect the realities of our time and to better protect privacy in the digital age.”

The Justice Department and other law enforcement agencies have resisted the changes over concerns that investigations could take longer due to the new requirement in response to these issues. An amendment from Senators John Cornyn (R-Texas) and Mike Lee (R-Utah), which was passed by voice vote, will modify the provision to allow a delay of notice for up to 90 days for governmental agencies that are not law enforcement.

This is not the first time that the topic of email privacy has been raised in the Judiciary Committee, where Leahy introduced the bill nearly two years ago.

“After decades of the erosion of Americans’ privacy rights on many fronts, we finally have a rare opportunity for progress on privacy protection.” Leahy said Thursday.

The Associated Press contributed to the above portion of this story.

Marc Rotenberg, head of the Electronic Privacy Information Center, said that in light of the revelations about how former CIA director David Petraeus’ e-mail was perused by the FBI, “even the Department of Justice should concede that there’s a need for more judicial oversight,” not less.
Markham Erickson, a lawyer in Washington, D.C. who has followed the topic closely and said he was speaking for himself and not his corporate clients, expressed concerns about the alphabet soup of federal agencies that would be granted more power:

❝ There is no good legal reason why federal regulatory agencies such as the NLRB, OSHA, SEC or FTC need to access customer information service providers with a mere subpoena. If those agencies feel they do not have the tools to do their jobs adequately, they should work with the appropriate authorizing committees to explore solutions. The Senate Judiciary committee is really not in a position to adequately make those determinations. ❞

 

Christopher Calabrese, legislative counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union, said requiring warrantless access to Americans’ data “undercuts” the purpose of Leahy’s original proposal. “We believe a warrant is the appropriate standard for any contents,” he said.
An aide to the Senate Judiciary committee told CNET that because discussions with interested parties are ongoing, it would be premature to comment on the legislation.

http://news.yahoo.com/senate-bill-rewrite-lets-feds-read-your-e-mail-without-warrants-191930756.html

The full text of Leahy’s bill, as introduced in September, is here.  Sen. Leahy explains what his bill would do here.

As I said last week, as it currently stands, you enjoy more privacy rights if your stored data on your hard drives or under your mattresses. a legally unprotected aspect of your privacy that unless the law is changed to be more privacy-protective will slow the shift to cloud-based services by both people and companies because of the total current lack of electronic privacy protection. Those who would pshaw and scoff at this assertion need only ask David Petraeus if I am right or not.

 

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Impish Dragon is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The Impish replies, “I am on my way to attend a lecture on the ill effects that gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse, smoking, and staying out late has on the human body.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving a lecture like that at this time of night?”

The Impish replies, “My wife.”

Mayan Calendar Speaks

Rapture”? Don’t make Mayan Calendar laugh. Get ready for
the RUPTURE!

No, there will NOT be zombies or vampires. You silly people
watch WAY too many dumb movies.

Mayan Calendar might take out Trump first, just so the rest
of you can watch. Hey, I’m a giver.

Acid on roses and singed-whiskered kittens,
Flash-boiling kettles and melting wool mittens,
Starving half-humans in fiery rings…
these are a few of Mayan Calendar’s favorite things

Mayan Calendar predicts that lots of scavengers will soon be on
the Atkins diet.

So Beano stops gas? You might want to get a 40-trillion gallon
tank of the stuff for 12/21/12.

Mayan Calendar doesn’t think there’s any rush on starting that
NHL season.

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Fred Astaire – Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town

 

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Every year The Food Network does a 12 Days of Cookies thing. Some are good, I’ve even saved a few recipes for Molly who is the designated baker in our home. We’ve used a couple as is and tweaked a few. IMCO [In My Culinary Opinion]…well lets just say that while they may suit other peoples tastes for us they are best left on the page unmolested &/or tested.

This year however appears as though it might be a banner cookie recipe year as they’re leading off with a favorite of both of ours:

White Chocolate Cranberry Cookies

Recipe courtesy Trisha Yearwood

Prep Time:  20 min   Inactive Prep Time: 1 hr 0 min

Cook Time: 30 min    Level: Easy

Serves: 2 dozen

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
  • 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 large egg
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1 cup dried cranberries, chopped
  • 3/4 cup white chocolate chips
  • 3/4 cup macadamia nuts, chopped

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 baking sheet with parchment paper.

With an electric mixer, cream the butter and both sugars together until smooth. Add the vanilla and egg, mixing well. Sift together the flour and baking soda. Spoon the flour mixture gradually into the creamed sugar mixture. Stir in the cranberries, white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts. Drop by heaping spoonfuls, about 2 tablespoons, onto the prepared baking sheets, 2 inches apart. Bake one sheet at a time until lightly golden on top and the edges are set, 12 to 15 minutes. Cool on the sheet about 5 minutes, and then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Store in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.

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Sunny’s Chocolate Chip Candy Cane Cookies

Recipe courtesy Sunny Anderson

Prep Time: 20 min   Inactive Prep Time: —

Cook Time: 45 min  Level: Easy

Serves: about 24 cookies

Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup (1 stick) salted butter, at room temperature
  • 2/3 cup packed light brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 large egg, beaten
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/3 cup bittersweet chocolate chips, gently chopped
  • 1/4 cup (2 ounces) coarsely crushed red or green candy canes (4 to 5 candy canes)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

To a stand mixer, add the butter, brown sugar and granulated sugar. Blend on high with the paddle attachment until the sugar granules are less visible and the mixture is light and fluffy, about 4 minutes.

Scrape the sides with a rubber spatula, then add the egg and blend on low until combined, stopping to scrape the sides more to incorporate.

Prepare the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, add the flour, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder and baking soda. Stir and toss with a spoon or fork.

Scrape the sides of the mixer bowl and, while off, add half of the flour mixture. Turn on low and mix until combined; this should only take 5 to 6 rotations of the paddle. Stop and scrape the sides again, then add the other half of the flour and mix on low the same way. Turn off the mixer.

Add the chopped chocolate chips and crushed candy canes. Turn the mixer back on low and blend until just combined; this should only take 3 to 4 rotations of the paddle.

Line 3 baking sheets with parchment paper. Scoop dough balls the size of golf balls, 1 tablespoon each, and place 3 inches apart on the baking sheet, about 8 cookies per sheet. Bake until the edges are set and the center is cooked through, but still soft, 13 to 15 minutes.

Cool the cookies for 2 to 3 minutes on the sheets. Then, holding the baking sheet over a wire cooling rack, remove the cookies from the sheet by gripping the baking sheet with one hand and the parchment paper on the opposite side with your other hand. Gently slide the parchment paper off the sheet with the cookies still on top, resting the parchment and cookies on the wire rack beneath until cool. This cookie removal/cooling trick takes coordination, so think about it before you do it and easy on the egg nog.

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PB and J Blondie

Recipe courtesy Jeff Mauro

Prep Time: 20 min  | Inactive Prep Time: 1 hr 35 min

Cook Time: 35 min  | Level: Easy

Serves: 24 blondies

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 sticks (3/4 cup) salted butter, melted and cooled, plus more for greasing
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon fine salt
  • 1 1/2 cups packed light brown sugar
  • 2 large eggs, beaten
  • 4 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1 cup peanut butter chips
  • 3/4 cup crushed roasted peanuts
  • 1/2 cup raspberry, strawberry or grape preserves

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F and set the rack to the middle position. Place two overlapping sheets of greased parchment or foil in a 9- by 13-inch baking dish, so they form a cross and hang over the ends by at least 1 inch.

Whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl. In another bowl, mix the melted butter and brown sugar until combined. Add in the eggs and vanilla, and mix until combined. Add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture and gently fold with a spatula until uniform. Fold in the peanut butter chips and peanuts.

Pour the batter into the baking dish and spoon on the preserves. Using a skewer or knife, make swirly patterns into the batter with the preserves. Bake until the top is shiny and a cake tester comes out clean, 30 to 35 minutes. Cool in the dish on a wire rack. Using the ends of the foil or parchment, lift the blondies out the dish. Cut into 24 squares and serve!

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Now admittedly at my advanced age I am seen by many as a wee on the old fashioned side. I’m not totally to blame for that- I mean what can you expect from a poor Leprechaun who has the motto on his Family Crest “Trod the Ancient Paths- Honor Always the Uld Ways”? I happen to like both Mincemeat Pie and a good fruitcake, something that is harder and harder to find now a days, which is why mine is made by Trappist Monks who have been making it from a very old recipe and supporting themselves with it for about as long as I’ve been around. Part of the reason there are so many bad  fruit cakes is that its so time consuming to make a good one. These fruitcake cookies take all the time out of it, all the nastiness associated with bad fruitcake and can me mixed once rolled and stored then sliced and baked as required.

Fruitcake Cookies

Recipe courtesy Ina Garten

Prep Time: 30 min  Inactive Prep Time: 14 hr 0 min relax it’s all refrigeration time!

Cook Time: 20 min  Level:  Intermediate

Serves: 5 dozen small cookies

Ingredients

  • 1/2 pound dried figs
  • 1/4 pound raisins
  • 2 ounces candied cherries, coarsely chopped
  • 2 ounces dried apricots, coarsely chopped
  • 1 tablespoon honey
  • 2 tablespoons dry sherry
  • 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • 6 ounces chopped pecans
  • Kosher salt
  • 1/2 pound (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1/2 cup superfine sugar
  • 1/3 cup light brown sugar, firmly packed
  • 1 extra-large egg
  • 2 2/3 cups all-purpose flour

Directions

Snip off the hard stems of the figs with scissors or a small knife and coarsely chop the figs. In a medium bowl, combine the figs, raisins, cherries, apricots, honey, sherry, lemon juice, pecans, and a pinch of salt. Cover with plastic wrap and allow to sit overnight at room temperature.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter, cloves, superfine sugar, and brown sugar on medium speed until smooth, about 3 minutes. With the mixer on low speed, add the egg and mix until incorporated. With the mixer still on low, slowly add the flour and 1/4 teaspoon salt just until combined. Don’t over mix! Add the fruits and nuts, including any liquid in the bowl.

Divide the dough in half and place each half on the long edge of a 12 by 18-inch piece of parchment or waxed paper. Roll each half into a log, 1 1/2 to 1 3/4-inch thick, making an 18-inch-long roll. Refrigerate the dough for several hours, or until firm.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

With a small, sharp knife, cut the logs into 1/2-inch-thick slices. Place the slices 1/2-inch apart on ungreased sheet pans and bake for 15 to 20 minutes, until lightly golden.

Per cookie (60); Calories: 101; Total Fat: 5 grams; Saturated Fat: 2 grams; Protein: 1 gram; Total carbohydrates: 13 grams; Sugar: 7 grams; Fiber: 1 gram; Cholesterol: 12 milligrams; Sodium: 7 milligrams

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I don’t think there is much to say about this next one except chocolate & cheesecake in one mouthful…how could this not be a perfect Christmas bite?

Chocolate Cheesecake Candy Cane Bars

From Food Network Kitchens

Prep Time:

20 min

Inactive Prep Time:

12 hr 0 min

Cook Time:

1 hr 0 min
Level:

Easy
Serves:

about sixteen 2-inch squares

Ingredients

Crust:
  • 20 chocolate wafer cookies
  • 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
  • 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon finely ground coffee beans
  • 1/4 teaspoon fine salt
Filling:
  • 8 ounces semisweet chocolate, finely chopped
  • 8 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
  • 2/3 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • 2 large eggs, at room temperature
Glaze:
  • 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
  • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
  • 1 teaspoon light or dark corn syrup
  • 2 tablespoons sour cream, at room temperature
  • 1/2 cup crushed candy canes

Directions

For the crust: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line an 8-inch-square baking dish with foil.

Process the chocolate wafers in a food processor with the butter, sugar, coffee and salt until fine. Evenly press the crust into the prepared dish, covering the bottom completely. Bake until the crust sets, about 15 minutes.

For the filling: Meanwhile, heat the chocolate in a medium microwave-safe bowl at 75-percent power until softened, about 2 minutes. Stir, and continue to heat until completely melted, up to 2 minutes more. (Alternatively, put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl. Bring a saucepan filled with an inch or so of water to a very slow simmer; set the bowl over, but not touching, the water, and stir occasionally until melted and smooth.)

Blend the cream cheese, sugar and sour cream together in the food processor until smooth. Scrape down the sides as needed. Add the eggs and pulse until just incorporated. With the food processor running, pour the chocolate into the wet ingredients and mix until smooth.

Pour the filling evenly over the crust. Bake until the filling puffs slightly around the edges but is still a bit wobbly in the center, 25 to 30 minutes. Cool on a rack.

For the glaze: Put the chocolate, butter and corn syrup in a microwave-safe bowl and heat at 75-percent power until melted, about 2 minutes. Stir the ingredients together until smooth; add the sour cream. Spread the glaze evenly over the warm cake and scatter the crushed candy canes over top. Cool completely, and then refrigerate overnight.

Cut into small bars or squares. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

Store the bars covered in the refrigerator for up to 5 days.

Cook’s Note: To crush the candy canes, remove the wrappers and place in a resealable plastic bag. Use a rolling pin to roll over and break up the candy into small pieces, about 1/4 inch or so.

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Of this last one I’ll just say that when it comes to cookies often times there is no school of cookie making like the old school. These take me back to my first memories of Christmas the smell of a peat fire in the stove and the scent of hot cookies baking. When you bake these cookies your house will smell like Christmas! Now that I’m older on a cold winter’s night so deep I find these ideal with a nice cup of tea for that pre long winter’s nap snack.

Jamie’s Old-Fashioned Ginger Crinkle Cookies

Recipe courtesy Jamie Deen

Prep Time: 10 min   Inactive Prep Time: 10 min

Cook Time: 25 min   Level: Easy

Serves: about 4 dozen cookies

Ingredients

  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1/2 cup vegetable shortening
  • 1/4 cup unsalted butter, softened
  • 1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/4 cup molasses
  • 1 large egg
  • 1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon turbinando sugar

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, ground ginger, cinnamon, salt, allspice and cloves.

Add the shortening, butter and the brown and granulated sugars to the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy, 3 to 4 minutes. Slip in the molasses and egg and beat until well incorporated. Add the flour mixture by scoopfuls and beat until combined.

Add the turbinado sugar to a small plate or bowl. Roll the dough into balls that are 1 inch in diameter (1/2 ounce in weight), then roll in the sugar. Place 12 balls on a baking sheet 2 inches apart. Bake the cookies 9 to 11 minutes, rotating halfway through the baking time. Cool on the baking sheets for 4 minutes, then continue cooling on wire racks. Repeat with the second batch.

Notes: These cookies are nice and chewy on the inside with a nice crunch on the outside. They have a wonderfully soft texture from using both shortening and butter.

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How are you planning to eat your Christmas Dinner this year?
33% I will eat at home and cook myself
0% I will eat at home and have it catered
17% I will eat at a friend’s house
33% I will eat at a family member’s house
0% I will eat at a restaurant
0% I will not eat a Christmas Dinner
17% Other

How much do you expect to spend on clothing/accessories this holiday season compared to last holiday season?
0% A lot more
23% A little more
23% About the same
0% A little less
54% A lot less

How likely are you to purchase the new Nintendo Wii U?
6% Very likely
0% Somewhat likely
94% Not at all likely
0% I already purchased it

Have you started your holiday shopping yet?
39% Yes
43% No
18% I won’t be doing any holiday shopping

Are you excited about shopping this holiday season?
6% Very excited
12% Somewhat excited
82% Not at all excited

Are you planning to use your smart phone or tablet to do any research while shopping in stores this holiday season?
6% Yes, I will use my smartphone
0% Yes, I will use my tablet
6% Yes, I will use both my smartphone and tablet
38% No, I will not be doing any in-store research
50% No, I won’t be shopping in stores this holiday season

Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron (Christmas Song) Part 3

WHAT?! It happens to be one of my favorite less serious Christmas songs! It ALMOST makes me believe that for one single night and a day that ‘tidings of comfort & joy’ can be found even between the best of enemies. NO! I have NOT lost my bloody mind– I said ALMOST.

 

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A modern recounting of the Clement Clarke Moore Classic

‘Twas the month before Christmas

When all through our land,

Not a Christian was praying

Nor taking a stand.

Why the PC Police had taken away

The reason for Christmas – no one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing

About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people’s feelings, the teachers would say

December 25th is just a ‘ Holiday’.

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit

Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-Pod

Something was changing, something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa

In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down

At Lowe’s the word Christmas – was nowhere to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penney’s and Sears

You won’t hear the word Christmas; it won’t touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty

Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen

On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter

To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith

Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded

The reason for the season, stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate ‘Winter Break’ under your ‘Dream Tree’

Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,

not Happy Holiday!

Please, all Christians join together and

wish everyone you meet

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christ is The Reason’ for the Christ-mas Season!

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Dragon Laffs #1301

Header56Good Morning Campers!  Let’s start adult2_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumwith a  bit o’ poetry from our Hillbilly friend Ross who is self-described as the “PROUD father of an American Soldier”.  A description many of us would be PROUD to mimic ourselves.  This one is called:
After Thanksgiving Poem

I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I’m stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin’,
I’m probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate,
But I wish I had known when to stop.
For I’m so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies and jams,
That my buttons are starting to pop!

I’m full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes,
My stomach is swollen and sore.
But there’s still some dessert, so I guess it won’t hurt,
If I eat just a little bit more!

Well, I wish I had that for Last Week’s Issue…well, to be perfectly honest, I probably DID have that for last week’s issue, so I suppose the more accurate wish should be that I wish I had found this in time for last week’s issue.  If you guys had any idea at ALL how far behind I am in some of my emails….
Although, it’s fun to open Independence Day emails in time for Christmas, it really doesn’t do well to keep a blog timely.  Well, let’s get on with some more laughter.

Today is the first of December and Christmas is coming.  Counting today there are 24 more shopping days till Christmas and I still don’t have my Christmas decorations up yet…. you could very easily replace me on the easy chair:image007726 
But, I digress.  We still have enough time left before Christmas that we shan’t devote the entire issue to Christmas stuff.  What do you say that we go on to another topic…a monetary one…

George Washington, our nation’s first president  and leader of the American  Revolution! Very fitting that this man is pictured on our most common, most often used monetary bill.001


Abe Lincoln,  honorable leader who pulled our nation through its darkest  time! And no one would argue that this is, indeed, another very appropriate choice:
002

Next, we have Alexander Hamilton,  founding father, first Secretary of the Treasury and  leader of the constitutional  convention!
003

Andrew Jackson, “Old Hickory ” fought the British in New Orleans ! 004

Ulysses  Grant, Union army general, led the North through the Civil  War!  Favorite drunk in the Whitehouse.  I truly wonder if he was as much of a drunk as his reputation presents?
005

Ben  Franklin, genius inventor, political theorist and leading  author of the Constitution.   The perfect man to be on the highest bill still in circulation.006

 

And what of our 44th president?  What bill would be fitting for the man whose policies have affected more Americans in such a huge and monetary way?
007I think this is the perfect fit! Finally, we have  someone to put on the food  stamp!!!
  Obama’s policies  have put more people on welfare than any president before  him, so this placement is most  appropriate.
Unlike the Nobel  Peace Prize, for which he did nothing, this is an “honor”  he richly  deserves.

So yeah.  I went there.  Did you think I wouldn’t?  I still believe that giving this man another term is going to end up being the WORST decision that the American people have ever made.  And I’m not going to be the person who, like when a call goes against the home team blames the refs, but it would not surprise me to find out that the election was bought and paid for in whole cloth.  Wouldn’t surprise me at all.

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DragonPapa1 (203)Me and my good buddy Odin.  A nice candid photo during his recent election run.

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Bill Clinton flew to Ireland on Monday where he gave a paid speech at the University of Limerick. They have a statue of him swinging a golf club in the Limerick town square. It’s only right that President Clinton be honored in the town that’s named for dirty poetry.


President Obama gave a big hug and kisses to Burma’s democracy leader and Nobel prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi. He repeatedly mispronounced her name. Burma was once a province of India so if the Teleprompter was broken, tech support is a local call.

—————————————————————–

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie went on Saturday Night Live to joke about the hurricane recovery efforts. He’s easy to spot. Last night, Governor Christie dreamed he was eating a giant piece of beef jerky, and he woke up the next morning and his briefcase was missing.

Wal-Mart workers threatened to walk off the job on Black Friday. It’s very tense. The cashiers want more pay, the stockers want more benefits and greeters don’t want to have to fly to Spain every year to train on the streets of Pamplona for Black Friday.


The Census Bureau says the Latino poverty rate in the U.S. is 28%. Which
is good news for Latinos who hoped someday to be as well off as white people in America.


Last weekend, it was announced that Justin Bieber and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez, have broken up. Bieber said, “Just tell me one thing — is it General Petraeus?”

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thank you2
The home office of DL&LL Electronic Media Productions, LLP wish to take this opportunity to not only say thank you, but encourage all of you to send out your heartfelt thanks as well:

As you know, America is the first country  to send aid when other countries are in trouble.

It is highly appropriate, therefore that we now send THANKS to all of the countries that reciprocated for our help with their disasters, misgivings, social turmoil, & poverty by sending to the United States of   America monetary and physical help when Sandy ravaged our East Coast  leaving dead, homelessness, and pure disaster.

Listed  below are all the Countries and World Organizations that are giving us gracious assistance.  Please assist in thanking these entities by passing on this notice so people all over America can join in and THANK our neighbors, whom we have assisted with BILLIONS!!!!

First country on the list to donate or help us:

1 .

2.

Maybe now Americans will realize that charity begins at home.  With millions of our people in need and in poverty, let’s save our money and spend it at home instead of sending it to Egypt, Libya, Pakistan, etc……..

Staten Island, Queens, New Jersey and parts of New York and Connecticut would gladly thank America if we spent the billions there…..

Well, as for truth in advertising, I’d like to offer this website that shows who has donated what, in the corporate world, to Hurricane Sandy Relief.  Now, I know that some of these corporations may be foreign, although they all have American connections, but, I looked through the listing and could find no real foreign aid.
So, I thought, gee, Impish, Shouldn’t there have been SOME country SOMEWHERE who offered to come and help? Well, I did find this article that says that supposedly Iran offered, but I’m not sure that I want their “help” anyway.  They might take the opportunity to plant a suitcase nuke somewhere or something.  Anyway, there you have it.
What do you think?

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You may have heard that Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers’
strike. But you may not have heard how It was split up.
The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all
the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent
all the Ding Dongs to Congress.

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A union boss walks into a bar next to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy close by wearing a Romney for President button and a beer in front of him.

He doesn’t have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican.”

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him, then says, “Thank you!” in an equally loud voice.This infuriates the union boss.

The union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, “Thank you!”

The union boss asks the bartender, “What the hell is the matter with that Republican? I’ve ordered two rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly ass does is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?”

“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns the place.”

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Young thug dragon rifleI decided to have a little fun this weekend…

Shot my first turkey!

Scared the shit outta everyone in the frozen food section.

It was awesome!

Gettin’ old is so much fun! Don ‘t make old People mad.

We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

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Several churches are making up for lost revenue by renting out their steeples as cell phone towers. Churchgoers seem to like it because they can now get a good enough connection to text with their friends during the sermon.

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A poll says that six in ten Americans are in favor of a tax hike for any income over $250,000. The other four didn’t respond because they have forgotten the actual meaning of the word “income.”

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Anyone interested in seeing pictures of the devastation wrought by Sandy should go here.  Some new pictures to see for yourself.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2225112/Superstorm-Sandy-Death-toll-hits-FIFTY-damage-set-50BILLION.html?ITO=1490&ns_mchannel=rss&ns_campaign=1490&utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

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Note To Hunter
oh crap
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So…another side of the Hostess debacle comes out.  We were all pretty quick to castigate the greedy union over the closing of the plants.  Well, here’s an article from snopes.com that sheds a different light on the subject.

Dear Snopes: How much of this is true?  “I wonder when the media will start reporting that while Hostess was trying to cut Bakers pay by 8% and benefits by 32% the CEO gave himself a 300% raise ($750,000 to $2,550,000). Nine executives received 60% to over 100% raises WHILE filing their 2nd bankruptcy.  But yeah, let’s blame the 18,000 workers making less than $20 an hour for Hostess closing.”

Well, snopes comes back and says that this is true.  But that at least some of it has been (partially) changed back.  Interested in reading more?  Well, I sure was…so read here: http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/hostess.asp
So, by all intents…it seems that there were MANY reasons for the closure, but it ALL comes back to greed!  Now, there’s a huge surprise, right?  We have the highest level of “entitlement – mindedness” in our nation’s history, being propagated by a president who wants the government to be responsible for giving you everything you need/want/could possibly desire, and we wonder why corporations are showing greed like never before. 
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Leprechaun Laughs # 169 for Wednesday November 28th 2012

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Well all that 4 leaf clover acquiring, rabbit’s foot rubbing, hydroponic shamrocks of unusual size growing and bribery anonymous cash donations finally paid off! Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish has a prefect 12-0 season this year!  In addition their defense’s Fist & Goal on the 2 yard line goal line protection and denial in the fourth quarter Saturday night led and directed by Manti Te’o is the thing epic legends are made of. Notre Dame now gets to rest and relax until Jan 7th and the BCS Championship.

You’d think I’d be thrilled and happy, doing huzzahs and handsprings around here. Not so much. See actually I’m holding my breath until after the outcome of next Saturday’s SEC Championship game. See Molly is a rabid zealous Alabama Crimson Tide fan. 9 years ago when we set our wedding date for the weekend after Thanksgiving because it logistically made the most sense for family that had to travel Molly only agrees to the date after consulting the Alabama football schedule and determining that Alabama was not playing that particular Saturday.

If Georgia fails to beat Alabama for the SEC Championship on December 1st then on January 7th that means The Crimson Tide will face of against The Fighting Irish and life as I know it now will hang in the balance of who wins or who loses.

Fortunately for me I am consoled by the fact that the fast approaching Mayan End of Days will render the entire affair a moot point. Mean time lets enjoy the few chances we have to laugh together before either apocalypse arrives shall we?

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Taking Turns

Scene: My checkout line at the supermarket.

Me: Paper or plastic?

Customer: I’d like double-bagged paper, and I’d like you to make each bag as heavy as possible.

Me: Okay.

Customer: In case you’re wondering, I had a fight with my wife, and it’s my turn to pick up the groceries.

Me: Uh-huh.

Customer: It’s also her turn to unload the car

!cid_X_MA12_1352874736@aol

What You Email Address Says About You

Here’s what your e-mail address says about your computer skills:

Own domain (e.g., @joesmith.com): You’re skilled and capable.

@gmail.com:When the Internet stops working, you actually try rebooting the router before calling a family member for help.

@hotmail.com:You still think that Myspace is hip.

@yahoo.com:You send e-mail chain letters saying that Bill Gates will eat your hard drive unless you forward this message to everyone you know.

@aol.com: You phone friends to tell them about a neat website, then say into the receiver, “OK, go to … h … t … t … p … colon … slash … w … w … w … dot …”

 

Celtic Consumer Warnings

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The Center for Copyright Information has stated that it will be rolling out its infringement warning platform, dubbed the Copyright Alert System (CAS), “in the coming weeks.” Originally announced last year, the Copyright Alert System will be used to deliver infringement notices from content owners to ISP users that illegally download copyrighted material. While the initial notices will be purely informational, internet service providers will take extra action on repeat offenders. The punishment for those who refuse to change their ways will vary based on the individual ISP — ranging from requiring the subscriber to review “educational material” to throttling data speeds — although service cancellations are not built into CAS. The internet service providers, however, can make the decision to terminate subscriptions on their own terms. As previously stated, customers requesting an independent review of their network behavior can do so by paying a $35 billing fee.

Read more here:

http://www.theverge.com/2012/10/18/3521714/isp-copyright-alert-system-launch

here:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/11/22/us_piracy_crackdown_cci/

and here:

http://news.cnet.com/8301-13578_3-57550782-38/cable-companies-say-they-wont-disconnect-accused-pirates/

then watch:

http://www.ted.com/talks/rob_reid_the_8_billion_ipod.html

Then you’ll understand why its uncomfortable when you sit down and why the 4th amendment needs to be updated to cover your electronic communications and Internet access so desperately. We’ll come back to the part about the 4th Amendment later on in the issue.

!cid_X_MA1_1351431510@aol

It was the first night for the newly wed couple. The bride was still a virgin and as a result she is afraid of dicks, Especially large ones and she’s heard all about Leprechauns and how well hung they are. To make his mortal bride feel at ease, Lethal said to the her, “OK, I am going to go outside and slowly show you my dick through the door. Stay calm, there is nothing to be afraid.”

So he walked out, leaving the door slightly ajar and then stuck a Little bit of his dick through the gap and asked, “Does that scare You?” She chuckled a little and said, “Nope!” He then pushed a little more through the gap and again he asked, “Does that scare you?” “Nope,” she replied. He pushed some more through the gap and asked, “Does that scare you?” “Nope,” she said laughing. He then said, “All right, you seem to be okay with it. I am coming up The stairs now!”

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Mayan Calendar says it’s okay to start smoking now. So light up,
people — you’ve got bigger things to worry about coming soon.

For 2013, the big news will be Insect magazine selecting its
“Sexiest Cockroach Alive.”

Does this mushroom cloud make Mayan Calendar’s butt look big?

Mayan Mayan, Bo Bayan, Banana Fana Fo Fayan, Mi My Mo BOOM!!!!!

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The REAL Story Behind PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON!!!

October 2nd 2010 00:10

The Tale Of Custard The Dragon

There are many myths out there surrounding the meaning and lyrics of many a song, but as possible or plausible as some of these myths may sound, the plain truth is that sometimes the meanings are just as plain as the nose on your face.

Take for example the infamous myth regarding the 1965 hit “Puff, The Magic Dragon”. The myth claims that the song is about smoking marijuana simply because it was sung by a hippie folk trio , contains the word “puff” in the song and title, involves ‘Little Jackie Paper’ supposedly a reference to cigarette rolling papers, and the “Land of Honah Lee” – a part of Hawaii with a reputation for the fertile growing of certain ‘crops’.

As to the actual story, the lyrics were composed by college student Lenny Lipton, who after reading Ogden Nash’s “The Tale Of Custard The Dragon”, became melancholy about the days of his childhood and typed out the lyrics on fellow student and friend, Lenny Edelstein’s typewriter. Edelstein’s room-mate, Peter Yarrow came across the poem and composed accompanying music. Paul Yarrow is better known as the Paul from ‘Peter, Paul & Mary’, the trio who eventually brought “Puff The Magic Dragon” to fame.

Since the myth eventuated, Peter Yarrow, claims that no college student smoked pot in 1959, and the climate of the time seems to agree.In later years during a concert, the group further tried to debunk the myth by playing the US national anthem and humorously attempting to locate drug references within it.

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Rough Draft of Jan. 20, 2013 Inauguration Speech

Obviously we non Obama rational folk are waiting in dread anticipation of his inauguration speech where it is expect we’ll learn just exactly what Obama’s more leeway is going to entail for his 2nd term. We here at DL/LL Electronic Media have been able through our contacts in Washington to acquire a discarded rough draft of that speech:

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If we hear more, we’ll let you know.

 

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Curmudgeonly Chef

It’s getting towards the tail end of Fall and near to Winter time. Time for some slow cooker recipe ideas and a casserole sure to warmer your insides and put a smile on your face.

To Die for Crock Pot Roast

To Die for Crock Pot Roast. Photo by Marg (CaymanDesigns)

timer

  • Prep Time: 5 mins
  • Total Time: 9 hrs 5 mins
  • Servings: 8

About This Recipe

“Amazing flavor, and so simple! No salt needed here. In fact, you may wish to use half the ranch dressing mix to cut back on the saltiness. Found this Crock-Pot pot roast recipe on of a website called http://www.recipegoldmine.com. It’s all the rage there, so I thought I’d try it.”

Ingredients

    • 1 (4 -5 lb) beef roast, any kind
    • 1 (1 1/4 ounce) packages brown gravy mix, dry
    • 1 (1 1/4 ounce) packages dried Italian salad dressing mix
    • 1 (1 1/4 ounce) packages ranch dressing mix, dry
    • 1/2 cup water

Directions

  1. Place beef roast in crock pot.
  2. Mix the dried mixes together in a bowl and sprinkle over the roast.
  3. Pour the water around the roast.
  4. Cook on low for 7-9 hours.
Nutrition Facts

Serving Size: 1 (245 g)

Servings Per Recipe: 8

Amount Per Serving

% Daily Value

Calories 295.2

Calories from Fat 87

29%

Amount Per Serving

% Daily Value

Total Fat 9.7g

14%

Saturated Fat 3.9g

19%

Cholesterol 149.8mg

49%

Sugars 0.0 g

Sodium 380.5mg

15%

Total Carbohydrate 2.6g

0%

Dietary Fiber 0.0g

0%

Sugars 0.0 g

0%

Protein 49.5g

99%

Slow Cooker Bourbon Chicken

Slow Cooker Bourbon Chicken

 

Prep Time

15 Minutes

Total Time 6:15 Hrs: Mins

Makes 4 servings

1/2 cup bourbon

1/4 cup soy sauce

1/4 cup honey

2 tablespoons rice vinegar

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)

2 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 teaspoon grated gingerroot

2 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts

1 cup uncooked instant white rice

1 cup water

1/2 cup chopped green onions

  1. Spray 3 1/2- to 4-quart slow cooker with cooking spray. In slow cooker, mix bourbon, soy sauce, honey, vinegar, ketchup, onion, garlic and gingerroot. Add chicken.
  2. Cover; cook on Low heat setting 6 to 8 hours. Remove chicken from slow cooker to plate; shred with 2 forks or break into bite-size pieces with spoon. Return chicken to slow cooker.
  3. Cook rice in water as directed on package.
  4. Serve chicken over rice; sprinkle with green onions.

Makes 4 serving

Slow Cooker Cheesy Potato Soup

Slow Cooker Cheesy Potato Soup

A hot, hearty soup is waiting for you when you get home if you rely on your slow cooker!

Prep Time 15 Minutes

Total Time 6:45 Hrs: Mins

Makes 6 servings

Reynolds™ Slow Cooker Liners

1 bag (32 oz) frozen southern-style diced hash brown potatoes, thawed

1/2 cup frozen chopped onion (from 12-oz bag), thawed

1 medium stalk celery, diced (1/2 cup)

1 carton (32-oz) Progresso® chicken broth

1 cup water

3 tablespoons Gold Medal® all-purpose flour

1 cup milk

1 bag (8 oz) shredded American-Cheddar cheese blend (2 cups)

1/4 cup real bacon pieces (from 2.8-oz package)

4 medium green onions, sliced (1/4 cup)

  1. Place Reynolds™ Slow Cooker Liners inside a 5- to 6 1/2 -qt slow cooker bowl. Make sure that liner fits snugly against the bottom and sides of bowl and pull the top of the liner over rim of bowl.
  2. In lined slow cooker, mix potatoes, onion, celery, broth and water.
  3. Cover; cook on Low heat setting 6 to 8 hours.
  4. In small bowl, mix flour into milk; stir into potato mixture. Increase heat setting to High. Cover; cook 20 to 30 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir in cheese until melted. Garnish individual servings with bacon and green onions. Sprinkle with pepper if desired.

Makes 6 servings (1 1/2 cups each)

Make the Most of This Recipe With Tips From The Betty Crocker® Kitchens

Serve food directly from the lined slow cooker. Once your slow cooker cools, remove the liner and throw away for easy clean up.

Substitution

Instead of using purchased bacon pieces, cook 2 strips of bacon until crisp, then drain and crumble.

Or just buy the real bacon bits in the reseal able bag. Use the leftover bacon bits (not too sure what those are) in your eggs tomorrow for breakfast

Success

Southern-style hash brown potatoes are diced instead of shredded. These work best in this recipe.

Nutrition Information:

1 Serving (1 Serving)

  • Calories 410
    • (Calories from Fat 140),
  • Total Fat 15g
    • (Saturated Fat 9g,
    • Trans Fat 0g),
  • Cholesterol 45mg;
  • Sodium 1210mg;
  • Total Carbohydrate 50g
    • (Dietary Fiber 5g,
    • Sugars 5g),
  • Protein 19g;

Percent Daily Value*:

    Exchanges:

    • 3 1/2 Starch;
    • 0 Fruit;
    • 0 Other Carbohydrate;
    • 0 Skim Milk;
    • 0 Low-Fat Milk;
    • 0 Milk;
    • 0 Vegetable;
    • 0 Very Lean Meat;
    • 0 Lean Meat;
    • 1 High-Fat Meat;
    • 1 Fat;

    Carbohydrate Choices:

    • 3;

    Buffalo Chicken and Potatoes

    Buffalo Chicken and Potatoes

    Ranch dressing and cream of mushroom soup offsets the spice from buffalo wing sauce in a satisfying, meat-and-potatoes casserole.

    Prep Time 10 Minutes

    Total Time 1:05 Hr: Mins

    Makes 6 servings

    1 1/4 lb boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1-inch strips

    1/3 cup buffalo wing sauce

    6 cups frozen (thawed) southern-style hash brown potatoes

    1 cup ranch or blue cheese dressing

    1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (2 oz)

    1 can (10 oz) condensed cream of mushroom or cream of chicken soup

    1/2 cup corn flake crumbs (crumbled tortilla chips or Doritos work well too)

    2 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted

    1/4 cup chopped green onions (3 to 4 medium)

    1. Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 13×9-inch (3-quart) baking dish with cooking spray.
    2. In medium bowl, stir together chicken strips and wing sauce.
    3. In large bowl, stir together potatoes, dressing, cheese and soup. Spoon into baking dish. Place chicken strips in single layer over potato mixture.
    4. In small bowl, stir together crumbs and butter. Sprinkle in baking dish.
    5. Cover with foil. Bake 30 minutes; uncover and bake 20 to 25 minutes longer or until potatoes are tender and juice of chicken is no longer pink when centers of thickest pieces are cut. Sprinkle with green onions.

    Makes 6 servings (1 3/4 cups each)

    Tips

    For authentic flavor, go with red hot buffalo wing sauce. Other flavors to try include teriyaki, sweet and sour or barbecue.

    For a cheesy hash brown side dish, omit the chicken and wing sauce. Serve casserole with barbecued chicken or baked ham.

    Try using precut chicken tenders to make prep time shorter.

    Serve with additional blue cheese dressing.

    Nutrition Information:

    1 Serving (1 Serving)

    • Calories 620
      • (Calories from Fat 300),
    • Total Fat 33g
      • (Saturated Fat 9g,
      • Trans Fat 0g),
    • Cholesterol 90mg;
    • Sodium 1240mg;
    • Total Carbohydrate 51g
      • (Dietary Fiber 5g,
      • Sugars 5g),
    • Protein 28g;

    Percent Daily Value*:

      Exchanges:

      • 2 1/2 Starch;
      • 0 Fruit;
      • 1 Other Carbohydrate;
      • 0 Skim Milk;
      • 0 Low-Fat Milk;
      • 0 Milk;
      • 0 Vegetable;
      • 0 Very Lean Meat;
      • 3 Lean Meat;
      • 0 High-Fat Meat;
      • 4 1/2 Fat;

      Carbohydrate Choices: 3 1/2;

      *Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

       

       

      image

      A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :
      “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”
      She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
      “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!”
      The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM:
      “I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!”

       Introspection Outside the Box

      GAY MARRIAGE and MARIJUANA

      It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.

      Leviticus 20:13“If a man lieth with another man as one lieth with a woman, he should be stoned.”

      We’ve just been interpreting it wrong all these years!

      image

      T-Mobile’s Home For The Holidays Surprise

      Say what you will about they’re choice of phone models, calling plans, billing and customer service problems or their speed/coverage and unsubstantiated claims regarding them they DO make a heck of a commercial!

       

      Lethal Leprechaun walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
      He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
      The woman notices this and asks, ‘Is your date running late?’
      ‘No’, he replies, I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it..’
      The intrigued woman says, ‘a state-of-the-art watch?
      ”What’s so special about it?’
      Lethal explains, ‘It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.’
      The lady says, ‘What’s it telling you now?’
      Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.’
      The woman giggles and replies
      ‘Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!’
      Our Leprechaun smiles, taps his watch and says,
      ‘ Bloody thing’s an hour fast!’

       

      COnstitution & Gun Parting Shot

      Email Protection is not Part of the Fourth Amendment

      Posted:  11/25/2012 5:09 PM Houston Chronicle http://mobile.chron.com/chron/db_271414/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=VfaE6Gs6&detailindex=0&pn=0&ps=2&full=true#display

      Amendment IV

      The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

      Outdated digital privacy regulations are increasingly allowing law enforcement agencies to use Internet companies and popular social networks to do their spying.

      The Fourth Amendment protects against unreasonable search and seizure of private citizens and their “persons, houses, papers, and effects” – but obviously makes no mention of email in a remote server. In 1986, Congress passed a law regulating how law enforcement can access information stored and communicated electronically. That was years before the Internet became a household term and before email was commonplace.

      The law, known as the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, updated the 1968 Federal Wiretap Act. [ Which came about because of the frequent and grievous abuse of wiretaps by lazy and unscrupulous law enforcement personnel] Now, as the Senate considers amending the privacy act to make law enforcement more accountable to the courts, Internet providers and service companies find themselves as awkward middlemen between the government and Web users.

      “Rather than ‘Big Brother,’ we have lots of ‘Little Brothers,’ ” said Christopher Calabrese, a privacy lawyer at the American Civil Liberties Union. [Bask in the novelty of the ACLU actually doing what it was  founded to do, protect our basic civil liberties instead of stomping on things like prayer and the Pledge of Allegiance! The Apocalypse has to be near!]

      While Internet users may think of personal information and photos on services like Gmail, Dropbox, Facebook and Twitter as their own, that information resides within easily accessible computers. In addition, Internet service providers such as AT&T and Verizon hold reams of data pertaining to customers’ Internet Provider addresses, Web histories, locations and personal information.

      Critics point out that because of the outdated language in the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, personal information can be accessed with a subpoena from a prosecutor – not through a warrant, which requires the review and blessing of a judge.

      The ACLU, the Electronic Frontier Foundation, law professors and judges, and the Digital Due Process organization – a group that spans more than 65 technology companies and political organizations from both sides of the aisle – all agree that the privacy act needs to be updated as soon as possible. Susan Freiwald, a professor of law at the University of San Francisco, points out that one of its biggest failings is not providing legal recourse for citizens.

      In cases of eavesdropping, such as a wiretap, the subject has a right to know eventually about the surveillance. But if an investigation digs into people’s email and isn’t brought to trial, she says, the subjects rarely find out that their online activities were being monitored. When law enforcement has an unbridled ability to rifle through private correspondence, “we’re a police state,” Freiwald says.

      Leahy proposal

      Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vt., who has proposed an amendment to the act, said the Senate Judiciary Committee will consider the changes Thursday. The crux of the amendment would require investigators to serve either a warrant to the service provider or a subpoena directly to the user when seeking personal digital information.

      The upcoming debate has put some companies in uncomfortable positions as to when they want to respect online privacy and when they don’t. The Association of National Advertisers sent a letter to Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer professing “profound disappointment” that the default setting for the upcoming version of Internet Explorer would be “do not track.” Tracking users on a Web browser makes targeted advertising for new products easier.

      Signers of the letter included representatives of publicly traded giants including IBM, AT&T, Adobe Systems and Intel. Yet all four of those companies, and Microsoft, also are members of the Digital Due Process organization pushing for reform of the privacy act.

      Authorities’ concern

      [Big surprise there! They had ‘concerns’ over the Miranda Warning too. Concerns over encryption programs people were using because of the stories of abuse of this loophole that were coming out of the  server farms and ISPs as far back as 2000. Shit they have concerns over anything that does the use of bright lights and rubber hoses of days gone by, requiring instead actual police works evidence and respect thereby reducing coffee and donut time.]

      Law enforcement groups express concerns about the Leahy measure. The FBI Agents Association and the National Law Enforcement Officers Association wrote separate letters arguing that it would add time and paperwork, and potentially alert suspects to investigations.

      “When lives are on the line, when seconds count, law enforcement needs lawful access to electronic communications records without undue delay,” read a letter from an assortment of national and state-level law enforcement groups. [My advice? When lives are on the line and seconds count DO NOT depend on Eric Holder and/or the US Government! Look at Bengasi! Look at FEMA responses, Fast & Furious to name a few recent examples. Do you REALLY want to trust these guys?]

      In the first half of 2012, Google says, governments in the United States made 7,969 requests for information on users; With its search engine, email client Gmail, office suite Docs and video-sharing YouTube – to name just a handful of services – the company has a huge window into how people use the Web.

      Google, Twitter and others disclose statistics on government information requests voluntarily. Notably, the world’s largest social network, Facebook, says it has no plans to publish data on government requests for information on its users. More than 200 million American and Canadian residents use the social network.

      “If the CIA had built Facebook, we’d all be terrified,” points out Wired senior writer Bob McMillan.

      In some cases, companies push back on the government. Google did not comply with 10 percent of its information requests in the first half of this year. In September, Twitter asked a New York court to quash a subpoena for personal information on a protester in the Occupy movement.

      These fights exist because the law is unclear, says Kurt Opsahl, senior staff attorney at the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

      Online boundaries

      But online boundaries are not quite as clear as someone’s home. Digital information is usually backed up across servers, or sliced up and distributed across many servers that can reside in different districts or even countries. Also, electronic data is typically intertwined with additional personal information about the subject and other users. Presenting the digital “boundaries” of an investigation would require careful, if not incredibly difficult, explanation – and a judge who understood the technical ramifications.

      [Ok wait just a bloody second now. If I understand that last paragraph correctly, they are arguing the ‘concern’ that because they don’t understand exactly how my personal information is stored or how to configure filters that obtain for them ONLY what the scope of a warrant would allow for and because there are an insufficient number of Internet Tech savvy Judges they will be inconvenienced.

      Due to that inconveniencing by the lack of understanding and training by both Investigators and Judges I should forgo the logical extension of my 4th Amendment rights and expectations of privacy to make their lives easier and just TRUST them to limit themselves in reason for scope of and how they handle my personal information?

      Am I the ONLY one that sees a recipe for abuse of power here?! What about the Movie and Recording Industries being able to get away with monitoring where you go and what you do on line sans benefit over judicial oversight simply because no laws exist to stop them?!]

      The Supreme Court has ruled that people have an “expectation of privacy” over the phone and in written letters, requiring a warrant. But the high court has not heard a case regarding the question of e-mail privacy.

      Seems to me that the High Court needs to revisit this issue, perhaps best right after they are subject to a warrantless review of their personal e-mails and we see how much dirty falls from THAT tree. NO WONDER everyone wants you to store your dirty laundry on the cloud, it makes giving it to Big & Little Brother so much easier and legally expedient for everyone BUT you and your rights! Time to write your Congressman & Senators folks! Best use snail mail though unless you want it falling into Obama’s hands!

      Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

      Dragon Laffs #1300

      Dragon Laffs 3adult2_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumbGood Morning Campers!  Welcome to our post Thanksgiving Day issue.  Basically, that means that we’ve had so damn much to eat around here, it’s difficult to do anything but roll over to the chair and nap.  then when we get tired of that, we go down the hall and lay down and sleep…so we can rest up for our napping.
      Yawn!
      So, while I go take a nap, why don’t you guys drag yourselves over to your computer and laugh!  Laugh until it hurts….or until it stops hurting.  Maybe that’s what we need to do.  Enjoy my friends.

      290

      From Vito…a dragon friend who has never been overly concerned with speaking politely, but most always concerned with telling the truth…

      Now that the election is over and the dust has begun to settle …
       

       

      Remember from this day on……….. every other person that you see in the USA is a fucking idiot…………

      01a5
      This is way cool.  A video that shows a class experiment that is put on by a really cool teacher.

       

      85coollogo_com-53139351_thumb1_thumb_t[1]

      DragonPapa1 (202)

      A police officer pulls over a speeding car.  The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”
      The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”
      Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says, “Now don’t be silly, dear—you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
      As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once!!?”
      The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”
      As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says, through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?
      The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, sir. That’s an automatic seventy-five dollar fine.”
      The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
      The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on.  You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
      And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”
      The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
      (I love this part)
      She answers, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

      284
      Observations_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thum

      The Postal Service asked Congress for authority to close post offices more
      easily. They also want to end Saturday mail delivery, The Postal Service said
      last year it lost sixteen billion dollars, making it the most profitable
      department in the U.S. government.

      President Obama supporters sent petitions to the White House website calling for
      any Americans advocating secession to be deported. Where will they go? What
      country on earth is going to take a bunch of rich, loud-mouthed white people
      who know their rights?


      Oxygen masks had to be deployed when a Southwest Airlines flight
      from Kansas City to Dallas lost cabin pressure. Fortunately most
      the people onboard had the $8 cash the airline charges for
      emergency oxygen consumption.


      Black Friday—–because only in America, people trample others
      for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.


      Hostess Bakery plants shut down Friday due to a workers’ strike.
      It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the
      Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with
      the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.


      Mitt Romney caused a storm Tuesday when he said Barack Obama
      won re-election because the president doled out gifts to Democratic
      interest groups. Kids got student loan forgiveness, women got free
      birth control. However, urban voters may feel a bit deceived when
      they hear that Black Friday does not commemorate civil rights
      in America.

      coollogo_com-53343979_thumb1_thumb_t[2]
      f2009052201
      01A1

      Jim’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing?
      Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer!

      I swear my first Thanksgiving with my ex-wife was EXACTLY like this:
      84
      Donate24222222

      Effective Jan 1, 2013, aspirin will be taxed under the Obama-Care program. The explanation was that they are white and they work. No other reason was given.

      285

      • New research revealed that the closer you live to a bar, the more likely you are to become a heavy drinker. And the closer you live to Dunkin’ Donuts, the more likely you are to become the governor of New Jersey.

      Poetry1

      To all my Democrat friends…
      The election is over,
      the talking is done.
      My party lost,
      your party won.
      So let us be friends,
      let arguments pass.
      I’ll hug my elephant,
      you kiss your ass.

      And my buddy Wheats sent me this one…
      01a2

      Question: How do you change a number 1 to a number 2?

      Answer:
      01a3
      1_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb
      He’s really right, in that this movie could NOT be made in 2012.  If any of you out there haven’t seen it…I’m so sorry that your life has been so under privileged to this point…

      BLAZING BROOKS: MEL SAYS ‘SADDLES’ COULDN’T BE MADE IN 2012

      01a4

      It’s a good thing Mel Brooks’ inspiration for “Blazing Saddles” struck in the early 1970s and not 2012. Had Brooks come up with the western genre spoof today, it wouldn’t pass muster at any major studio.

      Brooks himself shared that sad truth during a visit to “Jimmy Kimmel Live” last night. “Blazing Saddles” starred Gene Wilder, Cleavon Little, Harvey Korman and Madeline Kahn in a zany send up of classic western films. And while “Superbad,” “Bridesmaids” and “Project X” push the boundaries of modern cinema, they couldn’t compare to the outrageous gags Brooks sprinkled throughout his 1974 comedy classic.

      “It couldn’t be made today,” Brooks tells Kimmel flatly before launching into a classic story about an early preview of the film, and how a man high up at Warner Bros. told him to make some major cuts … or else.

      “We had this preview, people went crazy. They laughed, they enjoyed it. Afterwards, he grabs me by the collar and shoves me into an office … and he says, “Okay, here’s a legal pad, here’s a pencil, take these notes…”

      “N-word, OUT! We don’t say it. No punching a horse. Noooo punching a horse. Around the campfire, cut out the farting… out! It’s out! You can’t punch an old lady. Lily von Schtupp and the black sheriff … you can’t – OUT, OUT.”

      So, OK. I said “Yes, sir, it’s gone. It never happened. Come back tomorrow, and it’s all out of the movie.” He leaves, and I crunch it up, and I go all the way across the room and I put it in the waste basket, and John Calley says ‘good filing!’”

      I had final cut, so I said, ‘what do I care?'”

      and for those of you who have such a limited childhood

      286Impish Dragon was walking into the veterinary hospital for a routine cookie check-up the other day. Just as he reached the main entrance, a huge mythological beast, who had just exited the hospital, keeled over on the sidewalk. Impish ran towards the beast and noticed that he was obviously dead.

      The dragon rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor that he could find, and screamed, “Doctor, Doctor!! An ogre just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the sidewalk!! What should I do?”

      The doctor thought about this dilemma for a few moments, then suggested, “Spin him around. Make it look like he was coming in.”

      Websites-to-visit_thumb2_thumb_thumb[1]
      All I can say is wow!  I wish I could implant this right in front of every person in the United States and tell them, THIS is the way America acts!  This is the way MY United States Talks…Please watch this and comment!  Let me hear what you have to say.  I truly care.
      http://blip.tv/davidhorowitztv/bill-whittle-6444929

      287

      At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is?  What a team is?”

      The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

      “Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”

      The little boy nodded yes.

      “So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head.”

      Do you understand all that?”

      Again the little boy nodded.

      He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb a–hole’, is it?”

      Again the little boy nodded.

      “Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”

      coollogo_com-7318770_thumb2_thumb_th[1]
      Inspiration
      I'm
      in sov
      Like

      Lessons from my father… I know, it sounds like a really crappy book by a communist American President…but it was Dad who sent this one to me.

      Loneliness & Poverty

      Here’s a fabulous explanation of the symbiosis between “loneliness” & “poverty” . .
      When your kids (or grand kids) ask you “why they have to study or work hard all their life and continue making money?” Show them these pictures of Brian Armastrongo, President of Renault,
      and his current girlfriend below.
      7

      7a
      7b

      And then explain that this is not a ‘love relationship”
      but a “hate relationship”.
      HE HATES BEING LONELY… AND SHE HATES POVERTY!!

      AND THAT MY FRIEND IS HOW A REAL STIMULUS PACKAGE WORKS!

      I know…Dad has such a jaded outlook on life sometimes.

      295

      Be well and take care my friends.  Until we meet again next week.

      1a_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[2]
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      Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment