Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad and many other good wishes, blessings and hopes for you and all of yours from DL&LL Electronic Media, LLP.

It’s a different holiday now, then it might have been and as much as I’d like to sit here and rant about mentally sick people, I’d rather praise our Heavenly Father and ask his blessings and help to bring our country back to Him and to the paths of righteousness and love.

Do I think it will happen?  I think it’s up to a hell of a lot more people than just us…BUT!!!  I think “US” is a good start.

So, we will continue to battle the Bull Shit with laughter.  We will continue to point fingers where fingers need pointing, uncover things that need brought to light and we will do, all that we can, to do the things that are right, honorable and with integrity. 

May you all have a joyous holiday season, filled with the love of friends and family.  May your prayers be answered and God’s blessings fill your homes, hearts and lives.

Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas my very dear and wonderful friends.

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers!  I guess if you are reading this than the Mayans were wrong!  Then again, if they were right, you wouldn’t be reading this and I could pretty much say anything and you wouldn’t know the difference.
Albuquerque!
So, that won’t make any sense to any of you who survived, but to those of you who were destroyed, you’re laffing like mad right now, I know you are.
Besides, if you have ever watched the movie, National Treasure, you’ll laff whether the Mayans were right or wrong.
Well, this issue is ready to put to bed and I’m getting ready to climb down into the bomb shelter for the night.  So, you can now go on with the issue…that is…if it’s really there….
You know what I mean.You know, even the most happily of married couples have arguments sometimes.  That is why God invented make-up-sex, after all.  But sometimes, even the most intelligent of us, and Lethal will be the first to tell you that I’m not even a runner up in that category, say the wrong thing at the wrong time.  Well, we were at a family get-together and I complimented her sister and it was taken completely the wrong way.
I  thought it was a nice complement myself.  But, I gathered that telling her sister that her ass looked really hot in those jeans was the wrong thing to say.
So anyway, that evening at home, my wife was screaming at me: “Leave!  Get out of this house you son-of-a-bitch!”
As I was walking out the door she yelled, “You bastard, I hope you die a slow and painful death!”
So, I turned around and replied, “So now you want me to stay?”

Please don’t send any more flowers to my hospital room, it’s beginning to get a bit crowded.

And speaking of hospitals, and not with tongue in cheek, like the last story, in January I will be going in hospital for knee replacement surgery.  As it gets closer and we get more information, I will pass it along to all you campers.  I hope to be able to keep up with Dragon Laffs and possibly even publish MORE often as I will be doing a lot of sitting on my ass.  But, now you know.  More information to come and let’s do some more laffing, shall we?

And in keeping with our, “The Mayans Were Wrong” theme for today’s issue…

Okay, so this has been around… a lot!  But it’s funny every time I read it so we can call this a…

Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Vern! How ya doin?’

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

‘Oh no,’ says Vern. ‘He’s in my bowling league.

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Budweiser?’

‘I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.’

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says ‘Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?’

Vern’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

The cabby turns around and says, ‘Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.’

VERN’S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.

You guessed it!  A new subspecies!

They are referred to as“homo slackass–erectus” created by natural genetic downward evolution through constant spineless posturing, and spasmodic upper limb gestures, which new research has shown to cause shorter legs and an inability to ambulate other than in an awkward shuffling gait. The “drag-crotch” shape also seems to effect brain function.  Expect no eye contact or intelligent verbal communication. History shows that this species mostly voted for Obama, receives food stamps, and full government care. 

 

 

 

 

John went to the local bank to borrow money for a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill , who lent the money, came by a week later to see how the bull was doing. John complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow. The Banker suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.
Next week, the Banker returned to see if the vet had helped. John really looked very pleased. “The bull has serviced all of my cows! He broke through the fence, and bred all my neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight. He’s like a machine!”
“Wow,” said The Banker , “what did the vet do to that bull?”
“Just gave him some pills,” replied John.
“What kind of pills?” asked The Banker
“I don’t know, but they’ve got a peppermint taste.”

To All My Liberal Acquaintances,

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.  I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2013, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.  Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.

CIGA Blake

To My Conservative Friends,

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2013

And happy hanukah!

Yeah, I know it’s not a Christmas joke, but it’s still funny…

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.”

“I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a fucking wall.”

I love getting emails from my dad, especially artistic ones…since he is a renowned artist himself, seeing the things that he finds interesting, is really cool to me.  So, thanks for this one, Dad!  Love ya!

A 19-year-old female college student from Japan, named Chooo-San made paintings on a model.  It looks so real.

Okay, every time this guy hits the Mario Jump Sound the cat freaks out!  Definitely worth a laff:
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/super-mario-jump-sound-scares-cat/

Did you ever have one of those days where you wake up knowing
that you were supposed to do something REALLY important that
day, but for the life of you, you can’t remember what the hell
it was? Mayan Calendar is having one of those days today.

Okay, so today’s way cool website is just that…WAY COOL.  I think you will really enjoy this one.

Motion Induced Blindness

 

It works exactly like it says, and is one major reason people in cars can look right at you (when you’re on a motorcycle or bicycle)—

 

AND NOT SEE YOU.

 

From a former Naval Aviator.

 

This is a great illustration of what we were taught about scanning outside the cockpit when I went through training back in the ’50s. We were told to scan the horizon for a short distance, stop momentarily, and repeat the process.

 

I can remember being told why this was the most effective technique to locate other aircraft. It was emphasized (repeatedly) to NOT fix your gaze for more than a couple of seconds on any single object.

 

The instructors, some of whom were WWII veterans with years of experience, instructed us to continually “keep our eyesmoving and our head on a swivel” because this was the best way to survive, not only in combat, but from peacetime hazards (like a midair collision) as well.

 

We basically had to take the advice on faith (until we could experience for ourselves) because the technology to demonstrate it didn’t exist at that time.

 

Click on the link below for a demonstration …

 

  http://www.msf-usa.org/motion.html

ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor. He was glad he did. The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her; no one stopping and no one to care for her plight. The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket. When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, “Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay? She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, “I hope we didn’t spoil your day too badly.” As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, “Mister ….” He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, “Are you Jesus?” He stopped in mid-stride … and he wondered. He gently went back and said, “No, I am nothing like Jesus – He is good, kind, caring, loving, and would never have bumped into your display in the first place. “The girl gently nodded: “I only asked because I prayed for Jesus to help me gather the apples. He sent you to help me, so you are like Him – only He knows who will do His will. Thank you for hearing His call, Mister.” Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: “Are you Jesus?” Do people mistake you for Jesus? That’s our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace. If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting scripture and going to church. It’s actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day . You are the apple of His eye even though you, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked up you and me on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit. Share this, {IF you feel led to do so}. Sometimes we just take things for granted, when we really need to be sharing what we know…. Thanks. “Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to see beyond the imperfections.” This made my day. I pray it makes yours as well……..

Merry Christmas to you and yours !!

So boys and girls, campers and first time visitors, I hope and pray that you take the spirit of this little story and not only keep it for this wonderful holiday season, but take God’s love and the blessing of his son, Jesus Christ and the gift he gave to all of us on the cross.  The Love and best wishes from the Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media Family to you and your Families.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I had originally envisioned an entire Mayan Calendar End of the World Issue for today. However according to those whom think they know best of situations like this, (Movie Writers & Directors, FEMA, DHA- the Department of Humor Screw Ups etc), with huge planetary impending doom events its best to keep the public ignorant, complacent and docile while us few privileged folk slip off to the pre-prepared Doomsday/Apocalypse Shelter sites. There to ride out the death of humanity, immerging later to do battle with the radio-active mutant carnivorous cockroaches of improbable size for the few remaining Twinkies we can find, while defending our apparently tasty flesh from the surviving now Zombiefied Democrats, who will still apparently be intent on surviving off the rest of us.

However, since we who are rich/important/smart [on a  personal note I got to tell you, its great to have all those bases covered] enough to survive the possible coming End of Day Scenario are attempting to down play it  to the rest of you whilst sneaking out of town on the down low let us continue on with a normal mere days before Christmas Issue.

Impish and I on behalf of the entire mystical, magical and farcical fantastical staff of DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises would like to offer our readers these traditional Christmas holiday greetings:

To our Readers of Germanic Decent we say:

  To our Lithuanian Friends,

or if you’re Hungarian:

 

We say to our Slovak & Czech followers.

An extra special   to Impish’s Polish Posse (and thx for the Kruschiki!) 

A heart felt

to our Italian Friends with our assurances to all the Nonas we will attempt to get to as may of your Christmas Eve dinners invites as our stomachs and time allow!

To my Celtic Cousins we say:

And finally, last but not least in our hearts, to our personal friends, family and business connections in the organization of ‘Omerta’ in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Massachusetts we say a profoundly heartfelt and sincere:

 On a final note before we get started- Programmers and game designers often hide little extras in their creations to be stumbled upon. These are referred to as ‘Easter Eggs’ by geeks and the computer savvy alike.

As sort of a special stocking stuffer for the issue I have done exactly that with some extra content. I’ve turned key phrases or words in keeping with the holiday into clickable links which will open their content in new windows so you won’t lose you place in the blog. To help you ‘unwrap’ these gifts I have, with the exception of one uncooperatively stubborn blue one made them all red or green in the black text for you to find.

The Cat Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Cos the cat had pounced on him and tore him apart
Ate his mousey intestines and chewed up his heart.
Kitty thought he heard sleigh bells, which made him take pause
He stopped daintily licking the blood from his claws.
“Must be Santa“, thought Kitty, that quite clever cat.
“Cos nobody else climbs down the chimney like that.”
Indeed it was old Santa, so jolly and fat
With a load of presents, and all for the cat!
“Wow, the best Christmas ever!” Kitty thought with a purr,
Then he coughed up a hairball and shed some more fur.

 

 

5 Gift Cards To Avoid For Holiday Shopping

Written by: Jason Notte 11/16/12 – 3:47 PM EST

NEW YORK (TheStreet) — A gift card can be a great holiday present, if you get a good one.

If you pick up just any old card from a company that’s limping through bankruptcy and has a roughly 50% chance of making it to the new year, you’re not just lazy and thoughtless, but a jerk to boot. How else do you describe someone who throws $25 to $500 into a “gift” that may never be redeemed for anything resembling that value.

According to market research firm NPD Group‘s recent study of consumer holiday buying intentions, 34% percent of consumers plan to buy gift cards or gift certificates this holiday. The study also found that women and upper-income households are more likely to dole out gift cards than any other consumer group.

Considering you gift recipient has about a one in three chance of getting a gift card at all this holiday season, spoiling the experience with a card for a shaky, dying retailer or restaurant probably isn’t the best gift-buying strategy out there.

To protect holiday shoppers’ investments and prevent them from basically giving out empty promises, we enlisted the help of the folks at ScripSmart and looked into the financial well-being of gift-card-giving retailers across the country. After plumbing the depths of ScripSmart’s gift card rankings, we came up with five cards holiday consumers might want to avoid this season:

Sears 
This gift card made our list last year. Other than surviving this long, Sears has done nothing to drum up much confidence in its gift card this year, either.

Back in February, it announced plans to spin off Sears Hometown and Outlet stores and sell 11 of its underperforming flagship stores to a real estate firm. In May, it decided to partially spin off its Sears Canada shops. Revenue has fallen every quarter this year and the Sears and Kmart brands themselves are just getting smoked by competitors such as Amazon  , Target , Wal-Mart  and Kohl’s  .

This gift card warning applies to Sears, Lands End and Kmart cards, though the latter will likely be the last card in the deck, as Sears Holdings is closing Kmarts at a far slower rate than any of its other shops.

American Airlines 
The airline’s mired in bankruptcy, embroiled in a labor dispute with pilots, saddled with an on-time arrival rate that dropped below 60% earlier this year and lodged in a holding pattern while U.S. Airways considers a merger or buyout.

With all those added benefits, who wouldn’t want an American Airlines gift card?

The holiday travel experience can be nightmarish as it is, and while an airline gift card may seem like a great way to ease the burden on friends or loved ones, this card is a nightmare unto itself. It’s nonrefundable, so you’re wagering on the airline’s future just by buying it. It also comes with a $5 shipping fee if you buy it online, which is about where you’re going to buy it unless you’re making a trip out to the airport for one.

FYE 
A store whose core business still centers around selling CDs, DVDs and Blu-ray discs in malls isn’t such a safe bet in 2012? Stunning.

We know our ratings folks have just loved that FYE’s parent company Trans World Entertainment closed 14% of its stores in the past year and cut net losses from $7 billion to $2 billion, but what’s great for investors isn’t always so great for consumers. Cut losses are still losses and sales at FYE and other Trans World stores were still down 15% during the first half of the year.

It’s a fundamentally different world than the one that existed when Trans World bought up music chains such as Camelot, Coconuts, Media Play, Sam Goody, Strawberries and Wherehouse Music and subsequently ground them into dust. Generation Y’s penchant for stealing music online altered the marketplace, made it almost exclusively online and digital and pretty much ensured no one would pay $15 for a CD again. Meanwhile, on-demand and streaming services shut down Blockbuster and Suncoast outlets and changed the digitally downloaded movie from a combo pack’s cheap throw-in to the main even on Amazon and Apple iTunes sites.

Rite Aid 
Health and beauty stores are usually a holiday staple, unless that health and beauty chain happens to be Rite Aid.

This group of stores has been unwell for some time. Its share price hovers below $1.50. Its debt stands at more than $6 billion. Its plan to remodel 500 existing shops into “wellness” stores is so cash-strapped it wouldn’t be completed until 2020 at the earliest. Its shareholders not-so-secretly hoped Walgreen would buy it out and, barring that, rooted for Walgreens’ fight with Express Scripts to continue so Rite Aid could pick up disgruntled customers.

Neither of those plans panned out, thanks largely to Walgreens and Express Scripts  making nice in July. That leaves Rite Aid as the health and pharmacy sector’s zombie, nourished by whatever it can bite off of Walgreens and CVS but slowly starving to death. Buying someone a “gift” card to a Rite Aid is like buying them a ticket to a dim florescent purgatory where society’s sad refuse picks through circular bins of pantyhose in plastic eggs and wanders aimlessly through tight, dark aisles stacked with metal shelving that’s been in place since the Reagan years.

Rite Aid’s gift card is similarly depressing. You can’t buy it online, you can’t use it online, the expiration date is a mystery, it can’t be consolidated with another gift card when the balance gets low and it can’t be redeemed for cash unless state law requires it.

Dippin’ Dots
We freaked out when we saw this on ScripSmart’s list for several reasons:

1. Dippin’ Dots have gift cards: Seriously, the f’n “Ice Cream of the Future” that’s you’ve walked by in multiplex lobbies and major league stadium concourses myriad times en route to a snack you stood a chance of identifying on sight. These things have been around 25 years, have billed themselves as a futuristic snack that whole time, went into bankruptcy and, somehow, still think they have a following that warrants a $5 to $500(!) gift card. The hubris.

2. Dippin’ Dots are still around: As we’ve mentioned, this product has spent a quarter-century billing itself as the ice cream of the future. Yet not only does ice cream still exists, but various incarnations of it have appeared and thrived on Dippin’ Dots’ watch. A year after Dippin’ Dots came out, then-president Ronald Reagan named its founders U.S. Small Businesspersons of the Year. That same year, a couple in Tempe, Ariz., opened up an ice cream shop with smooth, high butterfat ice cream that they put on a cold granite stone and mixed with various ingredients.

By 2000, Ben & Jerry’s had been sold to Unilever and distributed worldwide. That Tempe shop became Cold Stone Creamery and expanded to more than 1,400 shops worldwide. Dippin’ Dots, meanwhile, never patented its liquid nitrogen flash-freezing technology, had it used by competitors and eventually filed for bankruptcy last year. That’s only noteworthy because:

3. Somebody actually cared enough to save Dippin’ Dots: There was somebody out there in this great land of ours who not only had a soft spot for the Paducah, Ky.-based company, but thought there was still a legitimate business opportunity behind it. Mark and Scott Fisher, the father-and-son duo who founded Oklahoma-based Chaparral Energy, bought Dippin’ Dots last year and made plans to expand sales to more locations. (So there’s plenty of hope for Hostess.)

Good luck, Fishers. It’s wonderful someone’s giving a new generations the same chance to ignore Dippin’ Dots as their movie going and game-watching forbears.

YUP! Thar’ she be! 4th tier 8th & 9th from the left!

 

The Top 5 Signs the Bad Economy Has Hit Santa’s North Pole Workshop

5> Chocolate smudges on just about every gift, thanks to work outsourced to low-wage Keebler elves.
4> Every lunch at the North Pole cafeteria is venison.
3> Not only did Santa eat the cookies and milk you left for him, he also emptied your fridge, stole your TV, and rifled through Dad’s wallet and Mom’s jewelry box.
2> Those “Lincoln Logs” look suspiciously like elf turds.

and HumorLabs.com’s Number 1 Sign the Bad Economy Has Hit Santa’s North Pole Workshop…

1> Santa’s now threatening to add an “Obamacare surcharge” to each delivery.
[ Copyright 2012 by Chris White/HumorLabs.com ]

“Sal Monella” tells the story of Twas The Night Before Christmas

A New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Boys of Omerta traditional holiday favorite. 

 

See?! I TOLD YOU “Yo! Jingle THIS!” was a traditional holiday greeting!

Christmas at your own home.

This is amazing, if you have not seen it before just type in your address or any family addresses

and look through the window at the snow falling on your home today.

It’s amazing!!!!

Click below to get something for Christmas you won’t get anywhere else this winter.

http://www.pusher.com.au/clients/pusher-christmas-2011

 

 

You know you got to feel for Santa, on Christmas night he will visit (best guess by ‘Santa experts’) 1,675,000,000 homes (households, families, dwellings where a group of people share their food and roof) on the planet. One Billion Six Hundred Seventy Five Million dwellings. Lets say that 10% of those houses still follow the custom of leaving out a plate of milk and cookies for the poor guy, that’s 1.675 million plates of cookies he’s going to be faced with! How many of any one kind can he eat before he starts Grinching at the sight of another?

Following that logic, an offering of rare different and/or unusual cookies would be a welcome thing by Santa right? Maybe make him leave something extra special under the tree for you? With that thought in mind here’s a couple cookie recipes and a good anytime cake recipe that should have Santa saying ‘Thank You…Thank You Very Much!’ as he hums “Blue Christmas”  and slips a little something extra special into your stocking this Christmas.

The Elvis: Peanut Butter, Banana and Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies

Elvis Presley had a knack for making people swoon, and so does the flavor combination in this thick, sturdy cookie. It seems so wrong yet tastes so right: bacon, peanuts, chocolate and banana chips. It’s unforgettable.

Total Time:  13 hr 10 min

Prep:  30 min

Inactive Prep:  12 hr 0 min

Cook:  40 min

Level:  —

Yield:  about 24 cookie cups

Ingredients

• 10 slices bacon
• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 2 sticks (8 ounces) unsalted butter, softened
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup packed light brown sugar

• 2 large eggs
• 2 tablespoons creamy peanut butter
• 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chunks
• 1/2 cup chopped salted peanuts
• 1/2 cup sweet dried banana chips, roughly chopped

Directions

Cook the bacon in a skillet until crisp, then drain on paper towels. Once the bacon is cool, roughly chop it (you should have about 1/2 cup).
Combine the flour, baking soda and salt in a medium bowl. In a large bowl, beat the butter, mayonnaise and sugars with a mixer at medium speed until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, until well blended. Add the peanut butter and vanilla and beat until combined.
At low speed, add the flour mixture in batches, beating until just combined. Using a wooden spoon, stir in the chocolate chunks, bacon, peanuts and banana chips. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and chill for at least 30 minutes or overnight.
Position the racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven and preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line 2 muffin tins with paper liners.
Fill the muffin tins about halfway full with the batter (a 2-inch, 2-ounce ice cream scoop gives you just about the perfect amount, and helps prevent spilling).
Bake until the tops are slightly golden and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 30 minutes. (Keep in mind that the cookies won’t rise and form a dome like a cupcake.) Let cool in the muffin tins on wire racks for about 10 minutes, then unmold the cookie cups and transfer them to the racks to cool completely.

Cook’s Notes: The mayonnaise in this recipe makes these cookies especially tender.

Elvis-Inspired Cookie Cups

Total Time:   4 hr 15 min

Prep:   45 min

Inactive Prep:   2 hr 50 min

Cook:   40 min

Level:   Intermediate

Yield: 5 dozen mini cookie cups

Ingredients

• Basic Dough:
• 14.5 ounces unbleached all-purpose (10-percent protein) flour (3 2/3 cups)
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1 teaspoon fine salt
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 7.5 ounces light brown sugar (1 cup packed)
• 6 ounces granulated sugar (3/4 cup)
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• 1 large egg
• 2 large egg yolks
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

• Add-ins:
• 1 pound bacon, cooked, drained
• 1 (6oz.) bag dried banana chips, finely chopped (2 cups)
• Filling:
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1 (10oz.) bag peanut butter chips
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 1 tablespoon corn syrup

Directions

In large bowl, whisk together flour, cornstarch, salt, baking powder, and baking soda until well combined; set aside.
In a separate large bowl, beat together brown sugar, granulated sugar, and butter with an electric mixer on medium speed until well combined, 2 to 3 minutes. Add the whole egg, egg yolks and vanilla, and beat until well combined.
Beat flour mixture into wet mixture until combined. Finely chop about three-quarters of the bacon and stir into the dough with the banana chips. Reserve the remaining cooked bacon. Cover dough and refrigerate 2 to 3 hours, or overnight, or up to 2 to 3 days. Let it sit at room temperature until slightly softened.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Fill the cups in lightly greased mini-muffin pans about three-quarters full, a level tablespoon. Press dough down to cover bottom of cup. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes or until deep golden brown. While still warm, use handle of wooden spoon or the back of a spoon to create cavities in each cookie. Cool the cookies in the pans and then transfer to a wire rack.

Drizzle honey in cavities of each cookie.
Meanwhile, place peanut butter chips, cream, butter, and corn syrup in microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on high for 30-second intervals, stirring after each interval, until mixture is smooth. Spoon peanut butter mixture into cavities of each cookie and top with a small piece of reserved cooked bacon for garnish. Cool completely until peanut butter mixture is set.
Cook’s Notes: I strongly suggest refrigerating the dough for best results and not baking right away. You can make a big batch of the basic dough then use it for other upcoming recipes. I like to place the bacon and banana chips in a food processor and process for just a few seconds to chop everything.
You can substitute any type of chips for the peanut butter chips. I do not suggest substituting margarine for butter, whole eggs for the egg yolks or bananas for the banana chips. Results will vary a lot the more you substitute.

© 2012 Cooking Channel, LLC, All Rights Reserved.

Teddie’s Apple Cake

Adapted very slightly from The New York Times, Jean Hewitt, and Teddie

 

Serves 8

Butter for greasing pan
3 cups flour, plus more for dusting pan
1 1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups peeled, cored, and thickly sliced tart apples like Honeycrisp or Granny Smith
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup raisins
Vanilla ice cream (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour a 9-inch tube pan. Beat the oil and sugar together in a mixer (fitted with a paddle attachment) while assembling the remaining ingredients. After about 5 minutes, add the eggs and beat until the mixture is creamy.

2. Sift together 3 cups of flour, the salt, cinnamon and baking soda. Stir into the batter. Add the vanilla, apples, walnuts and raisins and stir until combined.

3. Transfer the mixture to the prepared pan. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in the pan before lifting out. Serve at room temperature with vanilla ice cream or whipped cream, if desired.

A nice dollop of Whipped Cream (I used Dream Whip, and Heavy Cream thinned with Bailey’s Irish Creamer to whipping cream consistency) really makes this dessert stand out!

 

Merry Christmas Impish- I hope you don’t mind I was a little short on red velvet and faux fur wrapping for your gifts!

These ladies are my present to me Impish HANDS OFF! 

Recently in Galveston, known for its Christmas festivities such as ‘Dickens on the Strand’ where Charles Dickens’ ‘A Christmas Carol’  portrait of Victorian Christmas literally comes to life every for weeks on end, there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed  great skill and talent had gone into creating it.

One small feature  bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets.  Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a “QuickiMart” on our way out of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that while I  I did, I simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible much less relating to the Nativity story.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages,  finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said “See, it says right here,  ‘The three wise man came from afar.'”

A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent’s house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.
Suddenly, the younger one began to do so in a very loud voice.
“Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope.”
His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”
“I know” he replied, “But Grandma is!”

 

You Better be Good

Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.
Sarah’s parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn’t like it when children fight. This had little impact.
“I’ll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior,” the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah’s eyes grew big as her mother asked “Mrs. Claus” (really Sarah’s aunt; Santa’s real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah’s mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah’s uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.
Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.
Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa’s remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, “What did Santa say to you, dear?”
In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, “Santa said he won’t be bringing toys to my sister this year.”

 

 

A Mayan Calendar  Limerick

The Mayans say this is the last one,
So go ahead, party! Have fun!
Cause three days before
Santa’s due at your door,
The world will be roasted well-done.

 

The Mayan calendar ends on Dec. 21, 2012, and some people are not taking this lightly. Panic is setting in, as seen in the many reports that believers of the Mayan calendar 2012 doomsday theory are preparing for the apocalypse. Believers in France are getting ready to converge on a mountain where they think aliens will come and rescue them. Americans are running out and buying guns, supplies and survival shelters, according to The Telegraph on Friday, Dec. 7, 2012.

Dec. 21, marks the conclusion of the 5,125-year “Long Count” Mayan calendar and as the days get closer retailers are seeing people buying all kinds of survival supplies from food to candles, but that’s not all, “an explosion in sales of survival shelters” are reported in America, according to the Telegraph.

Ron Hubbard, a U.S. manufacturer of hi-tech underground survival shelters, “has seen his business explode” ahead of the Dec. 21 doomsday date. The precise way that doomsday is expected to unfold is vague, but there are plenty of theories out there describing what the world will experience when it does.

The theories vary greatly with some of them far-fetched like, a catastrophic collision between Earth and the planet Nibiru, which is a mythical planet that is also known as Planet X. Another theory has Earth in line for a disastrous crash with a comet and yet another calls for the annihilation of civilization by a giant solar storm.

This is not a new fad just taken up by worry-warts in the last year, some have been preparing for this day for years. People have elaborated self-sustaining doomsday shelters that can house large families for years if need be. Some of these shelters have all the luxuries of home, as seen in the video above.

The panic seen in China was traced to their version of Twitter where a post reports the world will experience three days of darkness when the apocalypse arrives. NASA has not stayed dormant, they are trying to reassure everyone that the planet Nibiru doesn’t exist and if it was hiding behind the sun, as the theory suggests, they would be aware of it by now. NASA would have seen this mythical Planet X a long time ago.

NASA also dispels the apocalyptic theory that the earth’s magnetic poles will suddenly flip along with the theory describing the unusual alignment of the planets that will cause doomsday.

No matter what NASA is saying to calm the worry in people, it is not doing much for the die-hard believers concerned about doomsday ringing in. Doomsday believers predict that on Dec. 21, 2012, life as the world knows it today will never be the same, if there’s life at all after the apocalypse.

This hasn’t put a damper in holiday sales this year, but even people that don’t believe in this doomsday event will probably have some fleeting thoughts of the possibilities when the date of Dec. 21, 2012, rolls around.

–==++ The Mayan Calendar Speaks ++==–

WARNING: Apocalypse in Calendar is closer than it may appear.

Montezuma’s Revenge? LMFAO! You people *slay* Mayan Calendar!

More bad news, Jaguars fans — your team won’t get to use
that #1 draft pick.

Wanna see a cool trick? Leave a 50-ton bag of unpopped popcorn
in your back yard the night of December 20.

Mayan Calendar predicts the top item at the 2013 Consumer
Electronics Show will be… shortwave radio!

The Bible had a plague of frogs. Mayan Calendar will not be
outdone. Rhinoceroses, anyone?

Don’t bother checking Facebook on December 21, 2012; everyone’s
status will be the same: “…is melting in excruciating flames!”

On 12/21/12, a drunken Justin Beiber will meet his demise after
starting a fire blaze in a Detroit brothel — but thanks to
Mayan Calendar, you’ll never see your daughter cry about it.

Apparently Santa is Zombie ready!

 

Fun Christmas song quizzes

One thing you notice around Christmas is the music. Personally, I love Christmas music, and playing name that tune. You might think you know your Christmas music – from Frosty the Snowman all the way to Deck the Halls. But how well do you know the less popular ones? Find out with these fun Christmas song quizzes.

The first quiz has you finishing Christmas song titles based on the first few words. Two of the titles have asterisks next to them. That means the answer is the song’s subtitle.

The second quiz is the opposite. You have the last few words of the song title and you need to fill in the beginning.

The last quiz is only for the most Christmas-music savvy. You have to name the songs based on the second verse! Good luck with that

sporcle.com

sporcle.com/games/LTH/making-a-list

sporcle.com/games/g/christmas_carols

[Courtesy Kim Kommando Newsletter]

I’m sure you’re all busy with last minute Mayan calendar 2012 doomsday Christmas gift hunting and preparations so I’m not going to go with that much of a Parting Shot Today. Also since I’m sure Impish will have something to say on the subject prior to Christmas, should we survive the Mayans running out of calendar I need not be lengthy either, as I’m still stuff into my hidden survival shelter mansion/fortress so I’ll just offer you these Irish Prayers for Christmas on behalf of both Impish and meself:

 

The Light of the Christmas Star to you.
The Warmth of Home and Hearth to you.
The Cheer and Goodwill of Friends to you.
The Love of the Son and God’s Peace be unto you.

 May God Bless Your Christmas with Love and Health.
For these are the true measures of Joy, Peace & Wealth

Last but definitely not least I just at 10:30 CST Last night received this from my sister and was compelled to pull the issue back and add this in memory of the Newtown Children. I added the graphics and the song.

Will tug at your heart …have a Kleenex handy

Twas’ 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38
when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven’s gate.
Their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

They could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.
they were filled with such joy, they didn’t know what to say.
They remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

“Where are we?” asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.
“This is heaven.” declared a small boy. “we’re spending Christmas at God’s house.”

When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.
He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.
then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

In that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring
those children all flew into the arms of their King
and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,
one small girl turned and looked at Jesus’ face.

As if He could read all the questions she had
He gently whispered to her, “I’ll take care of mom and dad.”
then He looked down on earth, the world far below
He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe.

Then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,
“Let My power and presence re-enter this land!”
“May this country be delivered from the hands of fools”
“I’m taking back my nation. I’m taking back my schools!”

Then He and the children stood up without a sound.
“Come now my children, let me show you around.”
Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.
all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,
“in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT.”

‘lest we ever forget them

See you on the other side…maybe…hopefully and above all- don’t let the Zombies bite!

Good Morning Campers.  Although I’m not sure how good of a morning it really is.  Evil has once again lanced the heart of our country.  Headlines reveal the horror and tragedy of children being shot in their school

Gunman kills 20 children, 6 adults at Connecticut elementary school

The horror.  The absolute evilness of this evil doing…Twenty-seven people, including 20 children, were killed Friday when a gunman clad in black military gear opened fire inside his mother’s kindergarten class at a Connecticut elementary school.
I am at a loss to try and even fathom the anguish the parents, friends, neighbors, family and loved ones must be going through.  What the hell is wrong with us that a 20 year-old member of our society can commit such an atrocity?

I know that I  am not explaining this very well.  I have been trying for the better part of 3 hours to comment on this situation and have been unable to come up with anything other than my own horror and confusion.

These were kindergarten children!

5 year-olds!

Children who could’ve done nothing, NOTHING, to warrant such treatment!  If this coward was upset with his mother (whom he also killed) and needed to show this emotion by killing the children of her class, I’m speechless.

I met my own daughter, 5th grade and 11 years-old, at her bus stop and hugged her and cried.  Of course she had no idea what was going on and thought her poor old dad had finally gone over the deep end.  I’m sure she was convinced it was going to happen sooner or later, anyway.  After we were home (10+ hugs later), her mom and I tried to explain what happened and why dad and mom were hugging her so hard and so often.  Thankfully, she didn’t really get it.
I hope and pray that it is a good long time before she does.

We need to laugh.  Not that it will help very much, but it is what we’ve contracted to do and by goodness, that’s what we are going to do.  So…

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?”
“Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.”
“He’s an idiot,” Bob said. “Piss on him!” “You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.”
“Well, scr.w him!” said Bob. “I did. You’re back at work on Monday.”

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.  He grew up big, 6′ 2″, strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang.  He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.

When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff Department.

After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man’s last interview. The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid and you can really shoot.  So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test”, that you must take before you can be accepted.  We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”

Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said,  “Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
six Democrats,
and a rabbit.”

“Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant.

“You pass,” said the Chief Deputy.  “When can you start?”

So, I think I told you about the carving my award-winning father made for Mrs. Dragon and I for Christmas and that my daughter’s reaction was that he should’ve made Hello Kitty for her.  Well, this came in the mail today…

That’s right!  It’s a little, hand carved Hello Kitty on a marble stand.
My dad is so cool!
Thanks Dad!  You made her day!

Let’s talk to kids about….marriage!

1. WHO SHOULD YOU MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
— Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
— Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
— Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
— Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
— Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
— Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
— Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they’re rich.
— Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– – Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– – Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
— Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
— Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is…….
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
— Ricky, age 10

I love Christmas lights.
They remind me of the people who voted for Obama.

They all hang together; half of them don’t  work, and the ones that do, aren’t all that bright!

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

Timmy Jones

* *

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them.

Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play

with.*

Merry Christmas,*

Santa Claus

* *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jab at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,

Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,

S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That’s what I thought you little bastard.

Santa

Here is a little bit of Christmas folklore that not many people know about.  Have you ever wondered where some of the traditions that we have come from?  I know that I have.  So here is a bit of a story, that is passed down in the dragon family.  My dad wrote and reminded me about it.  Ill try and share more dragon family stories as they come up…

A Little Christmas Story –

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not
produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the
reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two
others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards
cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and
a shot of rum.  When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves
had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.  In his frustration, he
accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass
pieces all over the kitchen floor.  He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked

it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa.  Isn’t
this a lovely day?  I have a beautiful tree for you.  Where would you
like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.

There was an old man, a boy, and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk.

The old man and boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some more people who thought that it was a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk.

The two decided that maybe they both should walk.  Soon they passed some more people who thought that it was stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride.

The man and the boy decided maybe the critics were right so, they decided that they both should ride. They soon passed other people who thought that it was a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal.

The old man and the boy decided that maybe the critics were right, so they decided to carry the donkey.  As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip
on the animal he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story: If you try to please  everyone, you will eventually lose your ass.

This one is super!  One of the best light shows ever.

Here is a great and scary article from our dear friend Kim Komando called

Unfortunate Truths about Child Pornography and the Internet

Very interesting.  A well worthwhile read. 


Holiday Eating Tips:

1.  Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls. 

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas! 

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello? 

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again. 

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards. 

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Wow, what a poem!!!  Read it with a tissue close.

Dedicated to all military troops everywhere.

THE SANDS OF CHRISTMAS

I had no Christmas spirit
when I breathed a weary sigh,
And looked across the table
where the bills were piled too high.

The laundry wasn’t finished
and the car I had to fix,
My stocks were down another point,
the Chargers lost by six.

And so with only minutes
till my son got home from school
I gave up on the drudgery
and grabbed a wooden stool. 

The burdens that I carried
were about all I could take,
And so I flipped the TV on
to catch a little break.

I came upon a desert scene
in shades of tan and rust,
No snowflakes hung upon the wind,
just clouds of swirling dust.

And where the reindeer should have stood
before a laden sleigh,
Eight Humvees ran a column
right behind an M1A.

A group of boys walked past the tank,
not one was past his teens
Their eyes were hard as polished flint,
their faces drawn and lean.

They walked the street in armor
with their rifles shouldered tight,
Their dearest wish for Christmas,
just to have a silent night.

Other soldiers gathered,
hunkered down against the wind,
To share a scrap of mail
and dreams of going home again.

There wasn’t much at all
to put their lonely hearts at ease,
They had no Christmas turkey,
just a pack of MREs.

They didn’t have a garland
or a stocking I could see,
They didn’t need an ornament –
they lacked a Christmas tree.

They didn’t have a present
even though it was tradition,
The only boxes I could see
were labeled “ammunition.”

I felt a little tug
and found my son now by my side,
He asked me what it was I feared,
and why it was I cried.

I swept him up into my arms
and held him oh so near
And kissed him on the forehead
as I whispered in his ear.

“There’s nothing wrong, my little son,
for safe we sleep tonight
Our heroes stand on foreign land
to give us all the right.

To worry on the things in life
that mean nothing at all,
Instead of wondering if we
will be the next to fall.”

He looked at me as children do
and said, “it’s always right,
To thank the ones who help us
and perhaps that we should write.”

And so we pushed aside the bills
and sat to draft a note,
To thank the many far from home,
and this is what we wrote:

“God bless you all and keep you safe,
and speed your way back home.
Remember that we love you so,
and that you’re not alone.

The gift you give you share with all,
a present every day,
You give the gift of liberty
and that we can’t repay.”

~ Michael Marks ~

Merry Christmas and a safe New Year
to all troops so far from home!
May God bless and keep you safe.

 

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news:
“There’s no easy way to tell you this, so I’ll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”
Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind racing. She simply had to know.
She met the Fortune Teller’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I be acquitted?”
For some reason, wives tend to like this joke…

Today’s Last Word has to do with another really wonderful Christmas tradition: that of the Christmas tree.  This neat little article is called:
Christmas Trees From Around The World

The Capitol Christmas tree in Washington , D.C. , is decorated with 3,000 ornaments that are the handiwork of U.S. schoolchildren. Encircling evergreens in the ‘Pathway of Peace’ represent the 50 U.S. states.

The world’s largest Christmas tree display rises up the slopes of Monte Ingino outside of Gubbio, in Italy ‘s Umbria region. Composed of about 500 lights connected by 40,000 feet of wire, the ‘tree’ is a modern marvel for an ancient city

A Christmas tree befitting Tokyo ‘s nighttime neon display is projected onto the exterior of the Grand Prince Hotel Akasaka.

Illuminating the Gothic facades of Prague’s Old Town Square, and casting its glow over the manger display of the famous Christmas market, is a grand tree cut in the Sumava mountains in the southern Czech Republic.

Venice ‘s Murano Island renowned throughout the world for its quality glasswork is home to the tallest glass tree in the world. Sculpted by master glass blower Simone Cenedese, the artistic Christmas tree is a modern reflection of the holiday season.

Moscow celebrates Christmas according to the Russian Orthodox calendar on Jan. 7. For weeks beforehand, the city is alive with festivities in anticipation of Father Frost’s arrival on his magical troika with the Snow Maiden.  He and his helper deliver gifts under the New Year tree, or yolka, which is traditionally a fir.

The largest Christmas tree in Europe (more than 230 feet tall) can be found in the Pra’a do Com’rcio in Lisbon , Portugal .  Thousands of lights adorn the tree, adding to the special enchantment of the city during the holiday season.

‘Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree’: Even in its humblest attire, aglow beside a tiny chapel in Germany ‘s Karwendel mountains, a Christmas tree is a wondrous sight.

Ooh la la Galeries Lafayette! In Paris , even the Christmas trees are chic. With its monumental, baroque dome, plus 10 stories of lights and high fashion, it’s no surprise this show-stopping department store draws more visitors than the Louvre and the Eiffel Tower

In addition to the Vatican ‘s heavenly evergreen, St. Peter’s Square in Rome hosts a larger-than-life nativity scene in front of the obelisk.

The Christmas tree that greets revelers at the Puerta del Sol is dressed for a party. Madrid ‘s two-week celebration makes millionaires along with merrymakers. On Dec. 22, a lucky citizen will win El Gordo (the fat one), the world’s biggest lottery.

A token of gratitude for Britain ‘s aid during World War II, the Christmas tree in London ‘s Trafalgar Square has been the annual gift of the people of Norway since 1947.

Drink a glass of gluhwein from the holiday market at the Romer, Frankfurt ‘s city hall since 1405 and enjoy a taste of Christmas past.

Against a backdrop of tall, shadowy firs, a rainbow trio of Christmas trees lights up the night (location unknown).

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me.  What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won’t come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

This week, I found out.

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.

-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.

-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.

-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.-

-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.

-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.

-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.

-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit–Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.

-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.

-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit–Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.

-The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.

-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.

-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles’ Creed.

So there is your history for today. This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol…so pass it on if you wish.’

Merry Christmas Everyone

CHRISTMAS AT ARLINGTON CEMETERY

I wonder why the press hasn’t enlightened the public about it??

Arlington National Cemetery

Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.

Know the line has held, your job is done.

Rest easy, sleep well.

Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.

Peace, peace, and farewell…

Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths — some 5,000 — are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine . The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He’s done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one of the poorest parts of the state.

Please feel free to share this with everyone on your address list. You hear too much about the bad things people do. Everyone should hear about this.  And may your own Christmas Tree bring you and your family joy and happiness this holiday season.

Cheers my friends!

 

 

Well in case you hadn’t heard, the Army/Navy game was last Saturday and for the eleventh straight year, Navy has beaten Army.

Now normally this might be considered a big deal in a grudge match rivalry game, but Army was 2/9 on the season and Navy barely got the job done. In fact until just about the 4 minute mark in the fourth quarter Army was in serious contention to win. I’ll even, as a loyal Navy man, say that Navy didn’t win the game as much as Army lost it with that ill timed fumble.

Personally, for me the biggest disgrace of the game was not Navy’s poor play or Army’s fumble, it was CBS.

Army quarterback Trent Steelman fumbled the ball late in the fourth quarter effectively killing the very real hopes Army had at breaking their losing streak against Navy. Steelman the ONLY Army player in the game to have started all 4 years against Navy was devastated. Once on his sidelines he was inconsolable. I can only imagine how he felt, given that military tradition had him dismissing any thoughts of lost personal glory for breaking the losing streak after so long instead focusing on how he had let his team mates down and how he was going to face them shortly in the locker room.

Understandably the kid simply melted down. From that point on every second there was not play on the field the soulless emotionless bastards on the CBS control booth went out of their way to make sure there was a camera broadcasting this poor kid’s misery. Apparently the fact that this quarterback of a 2/9 team made Navy work their butts off and obtain a win more by luck than and gridiron skill shown during the game became irrelevant taking a backseat to the opportunity to gleefully broadcast his personal misery and incessantly comment on it.

IS THIS what we have become? A nation of empathy-less rubberneckers reveling in the televised misery of others, who have done their best and fallen short of the extremely high bar they have set for themselves? What’s next ? The All Horrendous Accidents Live Channel? Roman Gladiatorial Games? Maybe this time around we can feed the Terrorist and Muslim fanatics to the Lions.

Whatever happen to compassion, professionalism, objectivity and CLASS in Television journalism? Did it die with the changing of the guard at 60 Minutes? WAS it slowly poisoned by people like Geraldo Rivera, Jerry Springer, Dr. Phil and finally die a screaming death with the advent of REALITY TELEVISION??!!

SHAME on CBS for focusing their broadcasting on Steelman at that point in the name of ratings and shame even more on those of us who watched.

Maybe it really IS time for the world to end if that is what we have become.

P. S.: The Patriots rode the Texans all up down the field and tunnels of Gillette Field Monday night like a bronco rider digging his spurs into a mean ride for the full 8 seconds and a final score of  14 to 42. While this makes me very happy it also makes me much despised in Molly’s family. Christmas dinner just got more …complicated since both factions, the Pro Texan Football teams and the Anti Notre Dame haters will be present and greatly riled up over both situations.

 

The bar room was crowded.

All of a sudden, the cute little thing on the stool began to cry.

The barkeep asked, “What’s the trouble, Sweetie?”

She sobbed, “I’m a virgin, and my boyfriend won’t have anything to do with me because I’m inexperienced. What should I do?”

Three men and a lesbian were killed along with Impish and Lethal in the rush.

How To Read Your Losing Powerball Ticket

Recently the Powerball Jackpot reached in excess of 500 million dollars (that’s half a billion put another way folks). Obviously since Impish and I are still here posting regularly and not off picking out new cars and Christmas Cruises ‘round the world for our wives whilst making secret plans to work our way through the wait staff of an entire Hooters while they are gone, neither of us won any of that half billion dollar bounty. We thought since the rest of you appeared to be might like this helpful tip in interpreting your losing Powerball ticket’s hidden meaning:

Just Another Christmas Song – Stephen Colbert

  ^^ Yo! It’s a clickable link so help me out and click it already!^^

Why aren’t you morons panicking yet? What does Mayan Calendar
have to do, take out full-page newspaper ads?!?

Haiku:
Inevitable
Destruction, foretold long ago;
Mayan Calendar!

In about two weeks, you will no longer be playing Six Degrees of
Kevin Bacon. It’ll be more like *600* Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Mayan Calendar worries that even IT won’t be able to kill
Keith Richards.

Nostalgic for the ’60s? I’ve got good news: Soon, EVERY lamp
will be a lava lamp!

 

The Secrets Behind Ireland’s Ancient Celtic Christmas Customs

 

Holiday traditions dating back to when Gaelic culture and religion in Ireland were suppressed

Ireland, like most countries, has a number of Christmas traditions that are all of its own.

Many of these customs have their roots in the time when the Gaelic culture and religion of the country were being suppressed, and it is perhaps because of that that they have survived into modern times.

The candle in the window

The placing of a lighted candle in the window of a house on Christmas eve is still practiced today. It has a number of purposes, but primarily it was an symbol of welcome to Mary and Joseph as they traveled looking for shelter.

The candle also indicated a safe place for priests to perform mass as, during Penal Times, this was not allowed.

A further element of the tradition is that the candle should be lit by the youngest member of the household and only be extinguished by a girl bearing the name “Mary.”

The laden table

After the evening meal on Christmas Eve, the kitchen table was again set and on it were placed a loaf of bread filled with caraway seeds and raisins, a pitcher of milk, and a large lit candle. The door to the house was left unlatched so that Mary and Joseph, or any wandering traveler, could avail of the welcome.

The wren boy procession

During Penal Times, there was once a plot against the local soldiers in a village. They were surrounded and were about to be ambushed when a group of wrens pecked on their drums and awakened the soldiers. The plot failed and the wren became known as “The Devil’s bird.”

On St. Stephens day, a procession takes place where a pole with a holly bush is carried from house to house and families dress up in old clothes and with blackened faces. In olden times, an actual wren would be killed and placed on top of the pole.

This custom has to a large degree disappeared, but the tradition of visiting from house to house on St. Stephens Day has survived and is very much part of Christmas.

Decorations

The placing of a ring of holly on doors originated in Ireland as Holly was one of the main plants that flourished at Christmas time and which gave the poor ample means with which to decorate their dwellings.

All decorations are traditionally taken down on Little Christmas (January 6th). and it is considered to be bad luck to take them down beforehand.

Traditional Gaelic salutation

The Gaelic greeting for “Merry Christmas” is “Nollaig Shona Duit,” which is pronounced as “null-ig hun-a dit.”

Why Men Wear Earrings  

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

And he explains, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Speaking of ‘The Laden Table’, lets do a few more holiday recipes for you to get you cheer and goodwill on with. Since Hanukkah also known as the Festival of Lights is currently under way I thought a few traditional non Christmas dishes that can be enjoyed by all would be a good idea  as well as more  goodies for the baked goods buffet. Better loosen those belts another notch and grab your forks!

Holiday Brisket with Savory Onion Jus

At a glance

Prep 15 min.

Total 3 hr. 40 min.

Serves 8

Cook: 3 hr. 15 min.

Stand: 10 min.

Flavorful brisket, butternut squash and onions slowly simmer in a sweet and savory sauce until the meat is fork-tender and delicious.

What You’ll Need

2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
6 medium onions, cut into quarters
1 medium butternut squash (about 3 pounds), peeled, seeded and cut into 1 1/2-inch cubes (about 6 cups)
1 boneless beef brisket (about 3 pounds)
1 3/4 cups Swanson® Beef Broth or Swanson® Beef Stock
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup dry red wine
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 can (about 28 ounces) whole peeled tomatoes

How to Make It

• 1

  Heat the oil in an 8-quart saucepot over medium-high heat. Add onions and squash and cook over medium heat until they’re tender-crisp. Remove the vegetables from the saucepot.

• 2

  Season the beef as desired. Increase the heat to medium-high. Add the beef to the saucepot and cook until it’s well browned on all sides. Remove the beef from the saucepot. Pour off any fat.

• 3

  Add the broth, orange juice, wine, brown sugar and tomatoes to the saucepot and heat to a boil. Reduce the heat to low. Return the beef to the saucepot. Cover and cook for 2 hours.

• 4

  Return the vegetables to the saucepot. Cover and cook for 1 hour or until the beef is fork-tender.

• 5

  Remove the beef to a cutting board. Let stand for 10 minutes. Serve the beef with the vegetables and sauce.

Head scratch yourself for a minute or two and I’m sure you can see as I do that this recipe will translate well for cooking in a Crockpot while you do other holiday things.

Latkes with Sour Cream-Mushroom Sauce

At a glance

Prep 20 min.

Total 40 min.

Serves 16 (I call BULL! Feeds 4 if you’re lucky!)

Cook: 20 min.

Traditional potato pancakes are tastier when they’re served with this creamy mushroom-onion sauce.

What You’ll Need

2 large russet potatoes, shredded (about 3 cups)
5 green onions, chopped (about 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons)
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell’s® Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free)
Vegetable oil
1 cup sour cream

How to Make It

• 1

  Place the potatoes into a colander. Rinse with cold water. Blot dry with paper towels.

• 2

  Stir the potatoes, 1/2 cup onions, flour and 1/2 cup soup in a medium bowl.

• 3

  Heat the oil in a 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. For each latke, drop 2 tablespoons potato mixture in the skillet, flattening into a 3-inch round with the back of a spoon. Cook the latkes, 5 or 6 at a time, until well browned on both sides. Drain the latkes on paper towels.

• 4

  Stir the sour cream, remaining soup and onions in a small bowl. Serve the sour cream mixture with the latkes.

Fudge-Filled Irresistible Peanut Butter Cookies

Prep Time: 30 min

Cook Time: 10 min

Yield: 48 sandwich cookies

INGREDIENTS:

• COOKIES
• No-Stick Cooking Spray
• 1 1/2 cups Creamy Peanut Butter
• 1 cup All-Vegetable Shortening
  
• 2 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar
• 1/3 cup milk
• 2 tablespoons vanilla extract
• 2 large eggs
• 3 1/2 cups All Purpose Flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• FILLING
• 1 (14 oz.) can Sweetened Condensed Milk
• 3 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:

1. HEAT oven to 375°F. Coat baking sheets with no-stick cooking spray.
2. For Cookies: BEAT peanut butter, shortening, brown sugar, milk and vanilla in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add eggs. Beat just until blended.
3. COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in medium bowl. Add to creamed mixture on low speed, mixing just until blended. Drop by level tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto prepared baking sheets.
4. BAKE 6 to 7 minutes or until set and just beginning to brown. Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet. Remove to wire rack to cool completely.
5. For Filling: MICROWAVE sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips in medium microwave-safe bowl on HIGH for 1 1/2 minutes or until melted and smooth when stirred. Stir in vanilla. Let cool 15 minutes. Spread generously on flat side of half the cookies. Top with remaining cookies, flat side down, to form sandwich cookies.

Rich, Decadent Cappuccino Fudge Cheesecake

Coffee, rich, dark fudge, and luscious cheesecake converge here for a decadent dream of a dessert. It’s going to take some time and effort — but it’s worth it! This is definitely a special occasion dessert. Did I mention Kahlúa is one of the ingredients? The recipe calls for chocolate wafer cookies, which are probably worth looking for if you’re a stickler for perfection. But between us, I think your crust will come out fine if you use Oreos with the filling scooped out. (One of those old school cheese cutters with the wire between the arms of the ‘Y’ works really good for the filling removal)

Ingredients

Crust

• 1 (9-ounce) box chocolate wafer cookies
• 6 ounces bittersweet (not unsweetened) or semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 cup (packed) dark brown sugar
• 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 7 tablespoons hot melted unsalted butter

Ganache

• 1 1/2 cups whipping cream
• 20 ounces bittersweet (not unsweetened) or semisweet chocolate, chopped
• 1/4 cup Kahlúa or other coffee-flavored liqueur

Filling

• 4 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, room temperature
• 1 1/3 cups sugar
• 2 tablespoons all purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons dark rum
• 2 tablespoons instant espresso powder or coffee crystals
• 2 tablespoons ground whole espresso coffee beans (medium-coarse grind)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 2 teaspoons mild-flavored (light) molasses
• 4 large eggs

Topping

• 1 1/2 cups sour cream
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• Espresso coffee beans (optional)

Directions

For crust: Finely grind cookies, chopped chocolate, brown sugar, and nutmeg in processor. Add butter and process until crumbs begin to stick together, scraping down bowl occasionally, about 1 minute. Transfer crumbs to 10-inch-diameter springform pan with 3-inch-high sides. Wrap plastic wrap around fingers and press crumb mixture firmly up sides to within 1/2 inch of top edge, then over bottom of pan.

For ganache: Bring whipping cream to simmer in large saucepan. Remove from heat; add chocolate and Kahlúa. Whisk until chocolate is melted and ganache is smooth. Pour 2 cups ganache over bottom of crust. Freeze until ganache layer is firm, about 30 minutes. Reserve remaining ganache; cover and let stand at room temperature to use later for creating lattice pattern.

For filling: Position rack in middle of oven and preheat to 350°F. Using electric mixer, beat cream cheese and sugar in large bowl until blended. Beat in flour. Stir rum, espresso powder, ground coffee, vanilla, and molasses in small bowl until instant coffee dissolves; beat into cream cheese mixture. Beat in eggs 1 at a time, occasionally scraping down sides of bowl.

Pour filling over cold ganache in crust. Place cheesecake on rimmed baking sheet. Bake until top is brown, puffed and cracked at edges, and center 2 inches moves only slightly when pan is gently shaken, about 1 hour 5 minutes. Transfer cheesecake to rack. Cool 15 minutes while preparing topping (top of cheesecake will fall slightly). Maintain oven temperature.

For topping: Whisk sour cream, sugar, and vanilla in medium bowl to blend. Pour topping over hot cheesecake, spreading to cover filling completely. Bake until topping is set, about 10 minutes. Transfer cheesecake to rack. Refrigerate hot cheesecake on rack until cool, about 3 hours.

Run small sharp knife between crust and pan sides to loosen cake; release pan sides. Transfer cheesecake to platter. Spoon reserved ganache into pastry bag fitted with small star tip. Pipe 6 diagonal lines atop cheesecake, spacing 1 inch apart. Repeat in opposite direction, making lattice. Pipe rosettes of ganache around top edge of cake. Garnish with coffee beans, if desired. Chill until lattice is firm, at least 6 hours. (Can be made 4 days ahead. Wrap loosely in foil, forming dome over lattice; keep chilled.)

Great Britain’s Princess Kate and Prince William are expecting a baby. The bad news: Prince Harry is already planning a huge baby shower in Vegas.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting. They don’t know whether it’s going to be a boy or a girl, but they do know one day that child could grow up to be one of the most powerful unemployed people in the world.

Prince William and his lovely bride are pregnant. Buckingham Palace announced Kate is pregnant. They’ve been married for a year and a half. That’s like five marriages for a Kardashian.

Kate is said to be very nervous about giving birth. Giving birth to a baby wearing a crown is very hard. You can tell the baby’s a member of the royal family, because Kate said she can already feel it waving.

 

 

Piers Morgan Owned on Twitter Over Gun Control

 

Reader Graciemj offers this next piece on Liberals and gun control

I watched this last night. This is how the left operates, when you don’t have a leg to stand on – SCREAM and interrupt. Watch this – Erik Rush Ties Gun Violence to Liberal Policy and Gets Shouted Down By Nervous Prog Mouthpiece…

Hannity Panel Erupts Into Shouting Match During Gun Control Debate: ‘You Shut Your Mouth!’

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/hannity-panel-erupts-into-shouting-match-during-gun-control-debate-you-shut-your-mouth/

 

 

 

 

A guy goes into the confessional box.

He finds on one wall a fully-equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars.

The upholstered chair reclines has massage and heat.

Then the priest comes in.

“Father, forgive me, for it’s been a long time since I’ve been
to confession, but I must first say that the confessional box
is much more inviting these days.”

The priest replied, “Get out! You’re on my side!!!”

Story posted 2012.11.29 at 10:45 PM CST

Talk about a bad day. A man in Massachusetts was ticketed after being run over by his own pickup truck.

Salem police responding to reports of a car accident found Brian Reynolds, 40, lying injured and face down in the road on Monday afternoon, the Boston Herald reported.

He told police the brakes in his pickup truck had failed.

According to the Salem Patch, Reynolds said he tried to slow the truck by sticking out his foot and driving up a hill.

Instead, he fell out of the truck, which rolled over his left leg, according to the Herald.

Reynolds suffered only minor injuries, and the truck eventually stopped after hitting a fire hydrant.

He was issued a $35 ticket for driving with defective equipment!

Ladies, shopping for the  guy in your life can be stressful during the holiday season. You have to figure out what the right gift is and then actually manage to find one in all those crowded an unfamiliar guy territory stores. We here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises feel your pain. So in the holiday spirit were going to let you in on the perfect guy’s gift and the easiest place in the world to obtain one with the least hassle possible. TOOLS! It doesn’t matter if it fills a current need or is going to be used with any frequency, guys love getting tools just like women love buying shoes.

 

 

 

 Hose ‘em Santa! They want to kill us and Christmas!

 

A Soldiers Silent Night

The original version was written by Lance Corporal James M. Schmidt in 1987 under the title “Merry Christmas, My Friend.”

The audio recording of this adapted version was recorded by Father Ted Berndt and his daughter Ellen Stout. Father Berndt was a priest at Bread of Life Charismatic Episcopal Church in Dousman, Wisconsin, a proud Marine, and a WWII Purple Heart recipient.

The poem was recorded in one take. The recording received a national A.I.R. (Achievement in Radio) award from the March of Dimes and continues to be played in radio stations across the country.

It is my very great privilege and extreme honor to share “A Soldier’s Silent Night” again with you this Christmas.

A Soldier’s Silent Night

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,

IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,

AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,

NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,

ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,

A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,

I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,

CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,

NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I’D JUST READ?

CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,

OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,

AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,

BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN’T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE,

ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,

I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY;

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,

“SANTA DON’T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON’T ASK FOR MORE,

MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.”

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,

I COULDN’T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL

AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT’S CHILL.

I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,

THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,

WHISPERED, “CARRY ON SANTA, IT’S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.”

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.”

May “A Soldier’s Silent Night” transcend any opinion about this war or any war, and go deeper to foster an appreciation for the selfless sacrifice and courage of The United States soldier and their families.

Finally it is my most sorrowfully duty to report than I was informed Monday morning through Military Association channels of  the death of a true American hero, a member of the elite SEAL Team 6, those who stormed Osama bin Laden’s compound and served him up a healthy dose of decidedly non Halal American payback and justice for his acts of terror.

Petty Officer First Class Nicolas Checque of Monroeville, Pa the 28-year-old SEAL Team 6 member who was in the helicopter assault to free an American doctor from the Taliban, was killed on Dec. 10.

On Saturday night, SEAL Team 6 conducted a helicopter assault on a mountain hideout 50 miles from the Pakistani border to rescue Dr. Dilip Joseph, who was captured outside Kabul five days ago.

In the resulting firefight, Checque was killed by a single gunshot to the head. Seven of the Taliban, who were armed with machine guns, rocket propelled grenade launchers and AK-47s, were also killed.

President Obama praised the special forces on Sunday, saying the mission was characteristic of U.S. troops’ “extraordinary courage, skill and patriotism.”

“He gave his life for his fellow Americans, and he and his teammates remind us once more of the selfless service that allows our nation to stay strong, safe and free,” Mr. Obama said of the fallen American service member in a statement.

In a separate statement Sunday, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta said, “In this fallen hero, and all of our special operators, Americans see the highest ideals of citizenship, sacrifice and service upheld.”

A spokesman for U.S. forces in Afghanistan said Dr. Joseph, of Colorado Springs, Colo., was rescued early Sunday, local time, in eastern Afghanistan. Joseph, a medical adviser for Colorado Springs-based Morning Star Development, was rescued after intelligence showed he was in imminent danger of injury or possible death, according to the U.S. military.

U.S. officials told Martin the Taliban demanded a ransom of $100,000, money Morning Star Development didn’t have. The Taliban released the two Afghans captured along with the doctor, but kept Joseph and were heading south toward Pakistan.

According to a CNN report on Dec. 10, “Checque joined the Navy in 2002, according to a brief service record provided by the Defense Department. After attending recruit training in Illinois and advanced training in Virginia, he entered the seal program in April 2003. He was assigned to his first SEAL unit in August 2004, and transferred to a second unit, presumably SEAL Team Six, in September 2008. He received the Bronze Star and several other awards during his 10-year Naval career.”

Even though SEAL team members do not talk very much about their dedicated training and work, observing their actions on San Diego’s bay speaks louder than any words. “We prepare our life to save another man’s life.”

The draped casket of 28-year-old SEAL Team 6 member Nicolas Checque is supposed to arrive in the United States tonight. He will be welcomed home with the highest honors.