Dragon Laffs #1300


Dragon Laffs 3adult2_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumbGood Morning Campers!  Welcome to our post Thanksgiving Day issue.  Basically, that means that we’ve had so damn much to eat around here, it’s difficult to do anything but roll over to the chair and nap.  then when we get tired of that, we go down the hall and lay down and sleep…so we can rest up for our napping.
Yawn!
So, while I go take a nap, why don’t you guys drag yourselves over to your computer and laugh!  Laugh until it hurts….or until it stops hurting.  Maybe that’s what we need to do.  Enjoy my friends.

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From Vito…a dragon friend who has never been overly concerned with speaking politely, but most always concerned with telling the truth…

Now that the election is over and the dust has begun to settle …
 

 

Remember from this day on……….. every other person that you see in the USA is a fucking idiot…………

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This is way cool.  A video that shows a class experiment that is put on by a really cool teacher.

 

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DragonPapa1 (202)

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.  The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”
The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”
Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says, “Now don’t be silly, dear—you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once!!?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says, through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, sir. That’s an automatic seventy-five dollar fine.”
The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on.  You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
(I love this part)
She answers, “Only when he’s been drinking.”

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The Postal Service asked Congress for authority to close post offices more
easily. They also want to end Saturday mail delivery, The Postal Service said
last year it lost sixteen billion dollars, making it the most profitable
department in the U.S. government.

President Obama supporters sent petitions to the White House website calling for
any Americans advocating secession to be deported. Where will they go? What
country on earth is going to take a bunch of rich, loud-mouthed white people
who know their rights?


Oxygen masks had to be deployed when a Southwest Airlines flight
from Kansas City to Dallas lost cabin pressure. Fortunately most
the people onboard had the $8 cash the airline charges for
emergency oxygen consumption.


Black Friday—–because only in America, people trample others
for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.


Hostess Bakery plants shut down Friday due to a workers’ strike.
It was split up. The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the
Secret Service hired all the HoHos, the generals are sleeping with
the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.


Mitt Romney caused a storm Tuesday when he said Barack Obama
won re-election because the president doled out gifts to Democratic
interest groups. Kids got student loan forgiveness, women got free
birth control. However, urban voters may feel a bit deceived when
they hear that Black Friday does not commemorate civil rights
in America.

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Jim’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing?
Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer!

I swear my first Thanksgiving with my ex-wife was EXACTLY like this:
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Effective Jan 1, 2013, aspirin will be taxed under the Obama-Care program. The explanation was that they are white and they work. No other reason was given.

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  • New research revealed that the closer you live to a bar, the more likely you are to become a heavy drinker. And the closer you live to Dunkin’ Donuts, the more likely you are to become the governor of New Jersey.

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To all my Democrat friends…
The election is over,
the talking is done.
My party lost,
your party won.
So let us be friends,
let arguments pass.
I’ll hug my elephant,
you kiss your ass.

And my buddy Wheats sent me this one…
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Question: How do you change a number 1 to a number 2?

Answer:
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He’s really right, in that this movie could NOT be made in 2012.  If any of you out there haven’t seen it…I’m so sorry that your life has been so under privileged to this point…

BLAZING BROOKS: MEL SAYS ‘SADDLES’ COULDN’T BE MADE IN 2012

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It’s a good thing Mel Brooks’ inspiration for “Blazing Saddles” struck in the early 1970s and not 2012. Had Brooks come up with the western genre spoof today, it wouldn’t pass muster at any major studio.

Brooks himself shared that sad truth during a visit to “Jimmy Kimmel Live” last night. “Blazing Saddles” starred Gene Wilder, Cleavon Little, Harvey Korman and Madeline Kahn in a zany send up of classic western films. And while “Superbad,” “Bridesmaids” and “Project X” push the boundaries of modern cinema, they couldn’t compare to the outrageous gags Brooks sprinkled throughout his 1974 comedy classic.

“It couldn’t be made today,” Brooks tells Kimmel flatly before launching into a classic story about an early preview of the film, and how a man high up at Warner Bros. told him to make some major cuts … or else.

“We had this preview, people went crazy. They laughed, they enjoyed it. Afterwards, he grabs me by the collar and shoves me into an office … and he says, “Okay, here’s a legal pad, here’s a pencil, take these notes…”

“N-word, OUT! We don’t say it. No punching a horse. Noooo punching a horse. Around the campfire, cut out the farting… out! It’s out! You can’t punch an old lady. Lily von Schtupp and the black sheriff … you can’t – OUT, OUT.”

So, OK. I said “Yes, sir, it’s gone. It never happened. Come back tomorrow, and it’s all out of the movie.” He leaves, and I crunch it up, and I go all the way across the room and I put it in the waste basket, and John Calley says ‘good filing!’”

I had final cut, so I said, ‘what do I care?'”

and for those of you who have such a limited childhood

286Impish Dragon was walking into the veterinary hospital for a routine cookie check-up the other day. Just as he reached the main entrance, a huge mythological beast, who had just exited the hospital, keeled over on the sidewalk. Impish ran towards the beast and noticed that he was obviously dead.

The dragon rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor that he could find, and screamed, “Doctor, Doctor!! An ogre just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the sidewalk!! What should I do?”

The doctor thought about this dilemma for a few moments, then suggested, “Spin him around. Make it look like he was coming in.”

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All I can say is wow!  I wish I could implant this right in front of every person in the United States and tell them, THIS is the way America acts!  This is the way MY United States Talks…Please watch this and comment!  Let me hear what you have to say.  I truly care.
http://blip.tv/davidhorowitztv/bill-whittle-6444929

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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is?  What a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head.”

Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb a–hole’, is it?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”

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Inspiration
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in sov
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Lessons from my father… I know, it sounds like a really crappy book by a communist American President…but it was Dad who sent this one to me.

Loneliness & Poverty

Here’s a fabulous explanation of the symbiosis between “loneliness” & “poverty” . .
When your kids (or grand kids) ask you “why they have to study or work hard all their life and continue making money?” Show them these pictures of Brian Armastrongo, President of Renault,
and his current girlfriend below.
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7b

And then explain that this is not a ‘love relationship”
but a “hate relationship”.
HE HATES BEING LONELY… AND SHE HATES POVERTY!!

AND THAT MY FRIEND IS HOW A REAL STIMULUS PACKAGE WORKS!

I know…Dad has such a jaded outlook on life sometimes.

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Be well and take care my friends.  Until we meet again next week.

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1300

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    IF Romney had Bill Whittle as his speech writer or a political strategist I doubt we’d be looking at 4 more years of Muslim ass kissing Socialism.

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