Good Morning Campers! Welcome to our post Thanksgiving Day issue. Basically, that means that we’ve had so damn much to eat around here, it’s difficult to do anything but roll over to the chair and nap. then when we get tired of that, we go down the hall and lay down and sleep…so we can rest up for our napping.
So, while I go take a nap, why don’t you guys drag yourselves over to your computer and laugh! Laugh until it hurts….or until it stops hurting. Maybe that’s what we need to do. Enjoy my friends.
From Vito…a dragon friend who has never been overly concerned with speaking politely, but most always concerned with telling the truth…
Remember from this day on……….. every other person that you see in the USA is a fucking idiot…………
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”
The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”
Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says, “Now don’t be silly, dear—you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once!!?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says, through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, sir. That’s an automatic seventy-five dollar fine.”
The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”
The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??”
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
(I love this part)
She answers, “Only when he’s been drinking.”
Jim’s wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing?
Apparently, “heating up your breakfast” was not the right answer!
- New research revealed that the closer you live to a bar, the more likely you are to become a heavy drinker. And the closer you live to Dunkin’ Donuts, the more likely you are to become the governor of New Jersey.
To all my Democrat friends…
The election is over,
the talking is done.
My party lost,
your party won.
So let us be friends,
let arguments pass.
I’ll hug my elephant,
you kiss your ass.
Question: How do you change a number 1 to a number 2?
BLAZING BROOKS: MEL SAYS ‘SADDLES’ COULDN’T BE MADE IN 2012
It’s a good thing Mel Brooks’ inspiration for “Blazing Saddles” struck in the early 1970s and not 2012. Had Brooks come up with the western genre spoof today, it wouldn’t pass muster at any major studio.
and for those of you who have such a limited childhood
Impish Dragon was walking into the veterinary hospital for a routine cookie check-up the other day. Just as he reached the main entrance, a huge mythological beast, who had just exited the hospital, keeled over on the sidewalk. Impish ran towards the beast and noticed that he was obviously dead.
The dragon rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor that he could find, and screamed, “Doctor, Doctor!! An ogre just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the sidewalk!! What should I do?”
The doctor thought about this dilemma for a few moments, then suggested, “Spin him around. Make it look like he was coming in.”
All I can say is wow! I wish I could implant this right in front of every person in the United States and tell them, THIS is the way America acts! This is the way MY United States Talks…Please watch this and comment! Let me hear what you have to say. I truly care.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head.”
Do you understand all that?”
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb a–hole’, is it?”
Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
Lessons from my father… I know, it sounds like a really crappy book by a communist American President…but it was Dad who sent this one to me.
Loneliness & Poverty
Here’s a fabulous explanation of the symbiosis between “loneliness” & “poverty” . .
When your kids (or grand kids) ask you “why they have to study or work hard all their life and continue making money?” Show them these pictures of Brian Armastrongo, President of Renault,
and his current girlfriend below.
And then explain that this is not a ‘love relationship”
but a “hate relationship”.
HE HATES BEING LONELY… AND SHE HATES POVERTY!!
AND THAT MY FRIEND IS HOW A REAL STIMULUS PACKAGE WORKS!
I know…Dad has such a jaded outlook on life sometimes.
Be well and take care my friends. Until we meet again next week.