APRIL 15th IS TAX DAY! That’s a scant 5 days away!
WOW! I haven’t seen the front row of an audience get sprayed with so much food and liquid particles since the last time I attended a Gallagher concert and he dragged out the Sledge-o-matic! Too bad they caught it all in the back of the head this time!
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, ‘I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?’
She says, ‘Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.’
‘And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?’
‘We use it for sex.’
The researcher was a little taken back. ‘Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.
I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?’
The woman says, ‘I don’t mind telling you at all…my husband and I put it on the door knob and the kids can’t open the door.
And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke…!
Young and Foolish
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.
This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”
I’m never drinking again I’m never drinking again. I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again.
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
I’m never drinking again
NEVER EVER again!!
The American Indian Counsel has requested that the NFL disassociate itself with Indian Names.
The Washington Redskins will therefore change their name to the Washington Foreskins in honor of all the pricks in Washington DC, effective immediately.
6 Tips for Safely E-Filing Taxes
Linda Rosencrance, TechNewsDaily April 08 2013 09:47 AM ET
A wrong click or a weak password can endanger an e-filer’s most sensitive financial and personal data. Here’s how taxpayers who chose to electronically file taxes can avoid identity thieves and scammers.
Talk about a pain in the ass… makes me almost sorry I shot Impish!
Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa Convention in San Francisco and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. “Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker.” “Oh,” the waitress interrupted, “sorry about that.” She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
At least it is until it permanently takes up residence on your hips, which requires more ice cream to be happy about…. That is until it too permanently takes up residence on your hips, which requires more ice cream to be happy about….. That is until that 1/2 gallon joins the others already permanently residing on your hips which requires more ice cream to be happy about……
Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect everyone who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are inevitably ruined – Patrick Henry
Samuel Adams proposed that the Constitution:
Be never construed to authorize Congress to infringe the just liberty of the press, or the rights of conscience; or to prevent the people of the United States, who are peaceable citizens, from keeping their own arms; or to raise standing armies, unless when necessary for the defense of the United States, or of some one or more of them; or to prevent the people from petitioning, in a peaceable and orderly manner, the federal legislature, for a redress of their grievances: or to subject the people to unreasonable searches and seizures.
They say “you can never go home again.”Usually that means that nothing stays the same as your memories of home and that you can never go back to that idealistic place in your memory.
For me, as of last week it is now a literal as well as figurative fact. Last week my ”home” state of Connecticut past the strictest, most oppressive gun laws in the nation surpassing even California’s in a political careers motivated knee jerk reaction to the events in Newtown.
Now because of those laws, once they begin to take effect in October, I will never be able to return to Connecticut as I refuse to give up my God and Constitutionally assured right to protect myself and my family both from those that would do us violent harm as well as our out of control rapidly becoming tyrannical Big Brother government by accepting restrictions on my ability to purchase weapon and ammo.
Now do not misunderstand me, there are some points of the law I concede support to and think that they make sense on a National level as well. However these points fall short of the needed mark and are overshadowed by the Draconian restrictions being placed on your Second Amendment rights.
Here are some of the legislation’s key provisions:
1. A ban on military-style semiautomatic weapons. Connecticut will expand its assault weapon ban to include guns that have military-style features such as the Bushmaster AR-15 that was used in the Sandy Hook shooting.
2. A ban on ammunition magazines with more than 10 rounds. In one of the key areas of compromise in crafting the law, it will ban future sale of magazines with more than 10 rounds, but not ban possession of magazines already owned at the time the law takes effect. Owners of larger magazines will be required to register them with the state starting Jan. 1, 2014, though, and their use will be restricted to gun ranges. If a resident after that is caught possessing an “unregistered” high-capacity magazine, they could be charged and also forfeit the right to have a handgun permit in Connecticut.
3.Universal background checks. They will now be required for all gun purchases.
4. A permit for ammunition purchases. An “eligibility certificate” will be required for the purchase of ammunition starting Oct. 1. Previously in Connecticut, anyone could by ammunition.
5. A permit requirement for long guns. A similar permit will be required to purchase rifles and shotguns, whereas previously Connecticut required a permit only to carry handguns.
6. Creation of the country’s first gun offender registry. The names of people convicted of gun-related crimes will be placed on a sex offender-like registry that law enforcement will be able to access.
7. School security and bullying. The law establishes a commission to review school building security and requires schools to develop safety and security plans by Jan. 1, 2014. It also requires school districts to investigate “bullying and disturbing and threatening behavior.”
8. Mental health. The law commissions a “comprehensive look” at mental health with a report due back to the legislature in a year. It requires training of school staff in “mental health first aid” and more training for pediatricians in recognizing mental health issues. The law also requires insurance companies to make “faster decisions” about whether they’ll cover mental health and substance abuse treatment in a particular case.
9. Keeping violent offenders in prison. The law would adjust a controversial Connecticut early release program established a few years ago to require that no “violent offender” be released from prison in the state before serving at least 85 percent of his or her sentence.
10. ‘Safe storage’ requirements. The law strengthens rules requiring gun owners to safely store and lock guns in their home to keep away access to children by putting a burden on gun owners to keep weapons away from adults known to suffer from mental illness.
While I am in full agreement with points 2, 3 6, 9 & 10, points points 7, 8 and even point 9 have no place in a Gun Control Law.
These points (7,8 & 9) are just quid pro quo politics at best. Things thrown into the law that people could not get support for and passed any other way at best. Standard “you-want-my-support-for-your-important-bill-you-accept-my-totally-off-point-rider/amendment-to-it-in-exchange” everyday bullshit politics at its most blatant
At worst these are “political landmines” placed there designed so that the liberals can self righteously spin, distort and twist the truth against anyone who dares to challenge the law by saying that in challenging the law those who do so are against these particular provisions in retaliation for the challenge[s].
I also find point 8 extremely interesting in its time frame. There are arguably 2 parties that at the root of the Newtown matter are responsible for the actions of the shooter. His mother for failure to secure the weapons in a proper safe and foolproof manner and THE STATE OF CONNECTICUT for it’s LONG history of piss poor Mental Health help. The mother is dead but the State of Connecticut gets an entire additional year to white wash an answer for its culpability in the issue! How self-servingly generous of the Connecticut General Assembly! I digress however.
Just last week a scant day before the bill passed I posted a Parting Shot warning of the peril of gun registry citing Canada as a prime example of the misuse of such a registry and reasoning against such a registry. Now such a registry will exist and as I am writing this (4/9) our Oppressor-of- Constitutional-Rights-in-Chief (who has publically admitted to feeling constrained by the Constitution) is in Newtown saying that Connecticut’s law which sets a new high in Second Amendment Oppression should be the guide post for a National Gun Law and you see rabid liberal anti gun zealots flashing signs of their ultimate goal:
People listen to U.S Senators Richard Blumenthal and Chris Murphy, Congresswoman Elizabeth Esty, Newtown First Selectman Pat Llodra, and representatives of anti-gun groups that advocate for gun control legislation that includes the Newtown Action Alliance, the Sandy Hook Promise, Connecticut Against Gun Violence and the Mothers United Against Violence during a rally with speeches on the steps of Hartford City Hall Friday April 5, 2012 calling for strict federal gun control legislation and to continue the momentum for more gun control in states across the country. Friday, April 5, 2013.
I could continue this discussion but I’m sure you folks by now have exhausted your attention spans and I have talked myself into a disgusted depression and sickness of my America loving heart. Instead I’ll leave you with this video to consider:
Can’t See it? Stop whining to us and go the the blog like you should be in the first place and we have said well over 100 times previously!
Good Morning Campers!
Strange goings-on around here lately. There has been almost a complete lack of traffic on the crazy net. It makes me worried that our usual hecklers and enemies might be having some troubles. On the Dragon or Leprechaun Laffs Idiotic List, also known as the DOLLI List, there are numerous quiet contacts. It’s actually kind of scary. Like, something is in the works. When it gets this quiet, we get worried.
Anyway, this issue is just chock full of all kinds of fun stuff…what do you say we just go ahead and get started with the fun and see where Saturday takes us.
I would like to make a very open statement about the above picture. Supposedly, one of my very over zealous fans snapped this picture, trying to set up Lethal’s cats. If you look very closely though, the dog has a faint tattoo of me on his chest. I’m not sure if he attempted to hide it, or if, in fact, it was added, a la Photoshop, to try to implicate me. If you think about it, depending on which theory you espouse, either someone is trying to set up me or someone is trying to set up Lethal. This is definitely going to require some more investigation…
lead singer for the 60’s pop group the Monkeys passed away.
The following morning headlines in the Washington Post
read LEAD MONKEY DEAD.
It took the secret service several hours to get Joe Biden
to calm down and stop running around the white house yelling,
“I’m the President!”
I love my dad, he sends me the best, almost-dirty jokes… (and some pretty good snappers, too. LOL!)
The Sensuous Wife
“Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?” asked the wife.
“No,” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
“Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?” she asked.
“Uh, no,” he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
“Now,” she said, “Have you ever seen 40,000 dollars all crumpled up?”
“No,” he said, now really intrigued.
“Well, go look in the garage…”
Truly, one of my favorite jokes of all time, mostly because I really didn’t see it coming the first time I read it!
~A Cup of Tea ~
One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.
I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.
My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, (as only a mother would know), “‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?”
This guy is friggin’ AWESOME!!!!
Here are some pictures that Mrs. Dragon gathered for me to celebrate spring. She calls them, Mothers showing off their new spring babies. I just call them: I know, I know….get them all out of your system now, so we can get to the rest of them. If you ladies are going to oooh! and awwww! over everyone of these, we’ll never get to the rest of the funny stuff. Yes, yes, I know. That one is especially adorable. So one more in an effort to say: Thanks for the pictures, my love!
Thanks to the Todd for this one…oh, I’m sorry, let me fix that… Thanks to The Todd for this one.
My wife called me at work. She was concerned about our nine-year-old son. It wasn’t a school day and it was raining and he wasn’t outside, as was the norm and had decided to play in his room instead.
When I got home, my wife told me what had been going on. “Your son is playing with dolls!”
Gee, I thought we had gotten past all that some years ago where now boys play with “action figures” and have mock battles or Viking wars and such. After all, I went through a GI Joe phase there for awhile.
But then my wife brought up the issue of his sexuality and “perverted male tendencies” and I became concerned. Was my son showing early signs that he might be gay? Was he putting girl clothes on boy dolls and such? I was also doubly concerned because my wife told me that she had also caught him with her pocketbook and was walking down the hall with it. Geez…this could be serious.
I had to check it out. I was worried.
Later, I told my wife that the boy is fine. He’s doing what most guys who work hard construction jobs might do on rainy day when you can’t work outside. (see photo)
Honestly, I see a bright future for that boy.
Some new information has come to light in regards to our little mystery. It seems that we have a witness who managed to snap this picture: Seems that our dog in the first picture was … um… dog-napped. I contacted some of my old buddies from the Indiana State Police and had them run the plate. MEOW-1 comes back to a covert group of felines based out of Houston, Texas. Freedom Fighting Felines (FFF or F³) are a little known, extremely violent group of cats that originated in South Texas and have since spread to most parts of the United States. Interpol believes that their numbers, at the present small, are growing in Europe and Asia. The Asiatic members claim (unsubstantiated) to have ninja training. A department at Lethal’s Legal Firm, Dewey, Chetum and Howe, specifically the private investigators of Snoop, Poop and Scoop, believe the dog has been “picked up for questioning.” More to follow so…
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, “This is a tree.”
The chief looks at the tree and grunts,”Tree.”
The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, “This is a rock.”
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, “Rock.”
The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, “Man riding a bike.”
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both..
The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied, “My bike.”
Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter
tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple
question.
St. Peter asks the first blonde, “What is Easter?”
The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when
everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful…”
“Wrong!,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the
same question, “What is Easter?”
The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we
put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of
Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells
her she’s wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and
asks, “What is Easter?”
The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I
know what Easter is.”
“Oh?” says St. Peter, incredulously.
“Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish
celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last
supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one
of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was
stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a
cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave
which was sealed off by a large
boulder.”
St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.
The third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so
that Jesus can come out… and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six
more weeks of winter.”
A pastor’s wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor’s family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor’s expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor’s additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, “Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”
Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”
The entire congregation said, “Amen.”
Well, I have another update for you guys…this one is a little odd. We were notified, by currier… a group called Kwik Kitty Karriers (KKK) and no, I don’t know if we should take any meaning from that 3 letter acronym, but I will say that they scampered in, dropped the package, got a signature, got a cuddle from Friday, Lethal’s personal assistant, and purred their way back out the front (public) entrance to DL&LL Electronic Media Industries, LLC. As an aside, just because we have a public entrance should not lead any of you to believe that we have a real open or very public persona. You won’t find us listed in any phone book or on any Google map, so just the fact that they FOUND us speaks volumes for their intelligence. Anyway, they found us, and delivered to us a small thumb drive that, among other things, had several documents, pictures and a couple of videos of the questioning… okay, let’s call it what it is… interrogation and torture… of this dog, being performed by the Freedom Fighting Felines. Being sensitive campers that you all are, we are not going to show you the videos full of blood and howling. We were able to get a transcript of what happened and we took this still shot from one of the videos and printed the text that was going on. This was actually taken before they could get the dog out of the van. So, it leads me to believe that at this point in time, he believed that I had found out about the plan and he was worried about that. Makes me think that the final plan was designed to set ME up as the bad guy in all of this. Reading the rest of the transcript leads all of us here at the office to understand that there is a human being behind all this… We shall see… We shall, indeed, see…
North Korea’s Secret Weapon
Ain’t THAT the truth!
Well, it’s happened. We’ve got answers, of a sort. But, it’s so completely and totally unbelievable, I almost can’t bring myself, in good conscious, to publish the information that the FFF found out. Nor the punishment that they meted out. Nor …. I can’t go on.
After in-depth consultation with my partner Lethal, and the legal department and Lethal’s own legal team of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, we have come to the conclusion that:
a) We have an implied, if not in fact defacto, responsibility to publish the truth.
b) The threats were made TO us, not BY us
3) Legally, we are on solid ground and cannot, in at least 35 of the 50 states, be held legally responsible for any of you who get sick, change your political affiliation or become pregnant from what we are going to tell you.
So the decision was made to give you the whole story.
Okay, so if you have been following along, you know that a dog was implanted into the situation between me and Lethal’s cats; the dog tried to blame the cats for tearing up some priceless furniture; the dog was picked up and interrogated by the FFF; now the FFF has sent us the truth in the matter.
Seems that one of our oldest and most ruthless enemies has tried, once again to destroy the patriotic and important work that we do here. This person is evil, nasty, dishonest, cares about nobody but himself, is an alien to our dear United States of America and has gotten where he is by lies, payoffs and cover-ups.
The dog has come clean and admitted, that he was paid for this job by this ruthless bastard himself, with specific instructions to do everything he possibly could to cause, not only trouble between Lethal and myself, but to cause trouble between us and you, dear loyal campers. With the ultimate goal being to shut down our blog and website.
He wants us silenced!
We must be getting too close!
Thankfully, Lethal’s cats, with the assistance of the FFF have managed to capture this guy and … well, pictures are worth a thousand words… so here is the snap shot they took of his punishment As you can see, the cats have taken care of business. I don’t believe the man is dead, I think we would have heard something … unless, maybe they’ve already got a double in place, or, like the antichrist, he can’t be killed.
(Did I just now equate Obama with the antichrist? Oh my! But did I? Did I legally?)
<<<Evil Laughter Echoes Into The Distance>>>
This essay was so good, so complete, so pointed and poignant, that I just had to use it as today’s Last Word. As a writer myself, there are two compliments that I can put to a piece that are pretty much the epitome of one writer complimenting another.
The first one is used when a piece is really good. And that is to say: “I couldn’t have said it better, myself.”
And this second compliment is used when a piece is GREAT. “Damn, I wish I had said that!”
And that, dear campers, is where this one falls.
P. Maureen Scott is an ardent American patriot who was born in Pittsburgh, PA, and retired to Richmond, VA, in 2000.. Free from the nine-to-five grind of writing for employers and clients, she began writing political commentary to please herself and express her convictions.
The accomplishment of which she is most proud is her volunteer work at an Army base where she looked into the eyes and hearts of the service members who protect our country.
Our Pledge of Allegiance, a military band playing the National Anthem, and the wisdom of our Founding Fathers, inspire her passion and views. Her life is guided by a firm belief that truth is the most important virtue, and that God knows what He is doing with her.
Subject:Who is this Obama ?
Maureen Scott
March 1, 2013
The Architect of Destruction
By Maureen Scott
“Obama comes from a community organizer background where it’s us against them. But that’s not who we are. And that’s not the position the leader of our Nation should take.” Dr. Benjamin Carson
Obama appears to be a tormented man who is filled with resentment, anger, and disdain for anyone of an opinion or view other than his. He acts in the most hateful, spiteful, malevolent, vindictive ways in order to manipulate and maintain power and control over others. Perhaps, because, as a child, he grew up harboring an abiding bitterness toward the U.S. That was instilled in him by his family and mentors. It seems to have never left him.
It is not the color of his skin that is a problem for anyone in America. Rather it is the blackness that fills his soul and the hollowness in his heart where there should be abiding pride and love for this country.
Think: Have we ever heard Obama speak lovingly of the U.S. Or its people, with deep appreciation and genuine respect for our history, our customs, our sufferings and our blessings? Has he ever revealed that, like most patriotic Americans, he gets “goose bumps” when a band plays “The Star Spangled Banner,” or sheds a tear when he hears a beautiful rendition of “America the Beautiful?” Does his heart burst with pride when millions of American flags wave on a National holiday or someone plays “taps” on a trumpet? Has he ever shared the admiration of the military, as we as lovers of those who keep us free, feel when soldiers march by? It is doubtful because Obama did not grow up sharing our experiences or our values. He did not sit at the knee of a Grandfather or Uncle who showed us his medals and told us about the bravery of his fellow troops as they tramped through foreign lands to keep us free. He didn’t have grandparents who told stories of suffering and then coming to America, penniless, and the opportunities they had for building a business and life for their children.
Away from this country as a young child, Obama didn’t delight in being part of America and its greatness. He wasn’t singing our patriotic songs in kindergarten, or standing on the roadside for a holiday parade and eating a hot dog, or lighting sparklers around a campfire on July 4th as fireworks exploded over head, or placing flags on the gravesites of fallen and beloved American heroes.
Rather he was separated from all of these experiences and doesn’t really understand us and what it means to be an American. He is void of the basic emotions that most feel regarding this country and insensitive to the instinctive pride we have in our national heritage. His opinions were formed by those who either envied us or wanted him to devalue the United States and the traditions and patriotism that unites us.
He has never given a speech that is filled with calm, reassuring, complimentary, heartfelt statements about all the people in the U.S. Or one that inspires us to be better and grateful and proud that in a short time our country became a leader, and a protector of many. Quite the contrary, his speeches always degenerate into mocking, ridiculing tirades as he faults our achievements as well as any critics or opposition for the sake of a laugh, or to bolster his ego. He uses his Office to threaten and create fear while demeaning and degrading any American who oppose his policies and actions. A secure leader, who has noble self-esteem and not false confidence, refrains from showing such dread of critics and displaying a cocky, haughty attitude.
Mostly, his time seems to be spent causing dissention, unrest, and anxiety among the people of America, rather than uniting us (even though he was presented to us as the “Great Uniter”). He is anything but. He creates chaos for the sake of keeping people separated, envious, aggrieved and ready to argue. Under his leadership Americans have been kept on edge, rather than in a state of comfort and security. He incites people to be aggressive toward, and disrespectful of, those of differing opinions. And through such behavior, Obama has lowered the standards for self-control and mature restraint to the level of street-fighting gangs, when he should be raising the bar for people to strive toward becoming more considerate, tolerant, self-disciplined, self-sustaining, and self-assured.
Not a day goes by that he is not attempting to defy our laws, remove our rights, over-ride established procedures, install controversial appointees, enact divisive mandates, and assert a dictatorial form of power.
* Never has there been a leader of this great land who used such tactics to harm and hurt the people and this country.
* Never have we had a President who spoke with a caustic, evil tongue against the citizenry rather than present himself as a soothing, calming and trustworthy force.
* Never, in this country, have we experienced how much stress one man can cause a nation of people on a daily basis!
Obama has promoted the degeneration of peace, civility, and quality of cooperation between us. He thrives on tearing us down, rather than building us up. He is the Architect of the decline of America, and the epitome of a Demagogue.
The Season of Special Days is in full swing and its starting to look like I have to survive until Memorial Day before I’m not talking about some special occasion or other every issue. If I wasn’t the resident Celtiphile I might have been able to get away with it this week, in fact I was planning on it until some crazy bear hunting hairy red gorilla with an nearly unintelligible accent came stumping into my office sporting a peg leg, wearing a plaid dress and (with the aid of an accent translator) asked me “Wut argh ya doin’ wee mahn for Tartan Day eh?”
Seem the Scot’s long jealous of their more advanced and personable neighbors the Irish and our ‘world wide success’ at exporting our heritage, products, holidays (trust me only the Scots and the rest of the world see that for more or less everything but our food and drink- we Irish see it as shameless theft & in the case of the church-copyright infringement) and making them the brunt of OUR jokes, that they were feeling left out and wanted to jump on the band wagon with their own St Patrick’s Day like holiday. Something to be celebrated by their diaspora where ever they may be and in doing so increase the export and familiarization of the world with all things Scottish.
So you guessed it, we’ll be taking a (somewhat cursory) look at at what is apparently the latest ethnic specific holiday Tartan Day in today’s issue.
The jovial doctor had finished giving his female patient a quick physical.”Well,” he said cheerfully, “your heart, your pulse, your lungs and blood pressure are all fine. Now, let’s have a look at that cute little pink thing that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
At that, the young woman started to unzip her skirt.
“No! Wait” the doctor said quickly. “Keep your clothes on, it’s your tongue I want to see.”
Unless your so hungry you could eat the ass end out of a cow anyway (or you’re an unparticular Dragon), then its all good regardless!
The National Holiday for All Scottish & Scottish-Americans
Americans of Scottish descent have played a vibrant and influential role in the development of the United States. From the framers of the Declaration of Independence to the first man on the moon, Scottish-Americans have contributed mightily to the fields of the arts, science, politics, law, and more. Today, over eleven million Americans claim Scottish and Scotch-Irish roots — making them the eighth largest ethnic group in the United States. These are the people and accomplishments that are honored on National Tartan Day, April 6th, the date on which the Declaration of Arbroath was signed in 1320 at Arbroath Abbey.
This historical occasion sowed the seeds of modern day democracy and may have been used as a partial basis for the American Declaration of Independence.
An ad hoc event was held in New York City in 1982, but the current format originated in Canada in the mid 1980s. It spread to other communities of the Scottish diaspora in the 1990s. In Australasia the similar International Tartan Day is held on July 1, the anniversary of the repeal of the 1747 Act of Proscription that banned the wearing of tartan.
The Tartan Day Scotland Festival takes place at the beginning of April each year. The Festival is a 10 day program of parades of pipe bands, Highland dancing and other Scottish-themed events which commemorate all that is best about Scotland and the Scots, home and away.
I don’t claim to know too much about lifesaving…
But if anyone is going to bring this guy back to life, my money is on the girl on the right…
I’ll bet they STILL call him a stiff!
Marriage: finding that one special person you can annoy the rest of your life.
With that definition of marriage in mind then…
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
The husband sent her a text back, typically nonromantic, saying,
“I am on the toilet, what should I send you?”
Personally, I suspect that divorce papers & air freshener were the first two things that came to her mind.
6 April 1320 – the Signing of the Declaration of Arbroath
Tartan Week celebrates all that is great about Scotland and its people, but one of its most important focuses is the Declaration of Arbroath. Signed at Arbroath Abbey on April 6 1320 – during the Scottish Wars of Independence – it took the form of a letter from the Scottish nobles to the Pope.
In it, they declared Scotland to be an independent nation with the right to live free from rule or oppression by other countries. It also claimed that Scottish independence was the right and responsibility of the Scottish people, not the King – and that the nobles would choose another king if they had to.
It is probably best known for the passage:
“…for, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom – for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself”
The Declaration of Arbroath is famous not only because of its role in shaping Scottish national identity, but also because of its international influence. In particular, it is believed that its ideas about independence, kingship and the rights of the people formed the basis of the American Declaration of Independence – many of the signatories of which were Scottish or had Scottish ancestors. For this reason, Tartan Day is held on April 6 each year, when the Declaration of Arbroath is celebrated all around the world.
Scotland: “Scotland the Brave” — John McDermott’s version
Ok while not the ‘official version’ of Scotland’s National Anthem, this is still a damned fine one. Besides at least when John McDermott sings THIS version you can bloody well understand what he’s going on about!
Participating in a gun buy back program because you believe that the criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because you believe that the neighbors have too many kids.
A routine oil change turned into a cat rescue operation.
An Iowa man drove 45 miles to get his oil changed an had no idea that he had an extra passenger — under the hood.
“The opened up the hood and there was a cat with its head sticking through a little hole,” said Mike Kerkman, the owner of the vehicle.
The cat was stuck near the washer fluid, and the staff at GM Auto Center in Norfolk, Iowa, jumped into action to save the cat.
Operation Kitty Rescue took about 90 minutes. Luckily, one of the auto center employees had worked for a veterinary clinic. A local veterinarian was also able to give the cat a sedative to so she could be rescued safely.
The cat was returned to her home a few hours later and was chasing mice and basking in the sun.
Now you might wonder what makes this exceptionally commendable in nature since this sort of thing happens fairly often, people going out of their way to save animals who have gotten stuck or trapped.
If you go to the page from the link about and watch the video you’ll find out that the Chevy Dealership charged the man NOTHING for rescuing the cat despite having 2 technicians doing some fairly extensive work to the car for 90 minutes. THAT earns them our Congrats! Thumbs up!
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. Eventually little Johnny’s turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnny. “Well I can see that,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period.” “Damned if I know,” said Johnny, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.
The Thistle – National Emblem of Scotland
The thistle may only be a humble weed, but it is both beautiful and the emblem of the Scottish nation. The prickly-leaved, pink or purple-flowered ‘Scotch’ Thistle is, along with tartan, perhaps the most identifiable symbol of all things Scottish. But how did the thistle earn its place in the proud hearts of the Scots?
Common throughout the highlands, islands and lowlands of Scotland, the prickly purple thistle has been Scotland’s national emblem for centuries. This proud and regal plant, which grows to a height of five feet, has no natural enemies because of the vicious spines that cover and protect it like a porcupine.
There are several different legends that tell how the thistle became Scotland’s symbol, but most date from the reign of Alexander III and in particular the events surrounding the Battle of Largs in 1263.
It is often forgotten, that for hundreds of years much of Scotland was part of the Kingdom of Norway. By 1263 however, Norway seems to have had little interest in their former territory. However, that was until King Alexander III proposed to buy back the Western Isles and Kintyre from the Norse King Haakon IV. The thought of relieving King Alexander of some of his riches and territories appears to have re-kindled Norse interest in Scotland.
Late in the summer of 1263 King Haakon of Norway, now intent on conquering the Scots, set off with a sizeable fleet of longships for the Scottish coast. Gales and fierce storms forced some of the ships onto the beach at Largs in Ayrshire, and a Norwegian force was landed.
Legend has it that at some point during the invasion the Norsemen tried to surprise the sleeping Scottish Clansmen. In order to move more stealthily under the cover of darkness the Norsemen removed their footwear. But as they crept barefoot they came across an area of ground covered in thistles and one of Haakon’s men unfortunately stood on one and shrieked out in pain, thus alerting the Clansmen to the advancing Norsemen.
His shout warned the Scots who defeated the Norsemen at the Battle of Largs, thus saving Scotland from invasion. The important role that the thistle had played was recognized and so was chosen as Scotland’s national emblem.
The first use of the thistle as a royal symbol of Scotland was on silver coins issued by James III in 1470.
It is said that the Order of the Thistle, the highest honour in Scotland, was founded in 1540 by King James V who, after being honoured with the Order of the Garter from his uncle King Henry VIII of England and with the Golden Fleece from the Emperor of France, felt a little left out. He resolved the issue by creating the royal title of Order of the Thistle for himself and twelve of his knights, ‘…in allusion to the Blessed Saviour and his Twelve Apostles’. He set up the arms and badges of the order over the gate of his palace at Linlithgow.
The common badge worn over the left breast by the knights is a cross surmounted by a star of four silver points, and over this a green circle bordered and lettered with gold, containing the motto “Nemo me impune lacessit”, “No-one harms me without punishment” but more commonly translated in Scots as “Wha daurs meddle wi me”, in the centre is the thistle
Sean Connery- Patron Saint of Scottish-Americans & James Bond Fans. Nobody dares meddle with him either!
John McDermott – Loch Lomond (By Yon Bonnie Banks)
A song arguably as closely associated with Scotland as “Oh Danny Boy’” is with Ireland.
New pill…
Since his indiscretions have come to light, several of Tiger Woods’ sponsors have dropped him. However, Pfizer has decided to sponsor him.
They are making a new drug called “Tiagra”. It’s good for 18 holes.
A couple was on their honeymoon, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing this day and age.”
The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”
“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”
“Tiger Woods.”
“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”
The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
“What are you doing?” asks the wife.
The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
“Now what are you doing?” she asks.
“I’m still hungry, so I was going to get room service to get something to eat.”
“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”
“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”
“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love to his wife a third time.
When they finish, he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”
“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what’s par for this damn hole.”
SCOTLAND THE BRAVE ~ PIPES & DRUMS ~ ( HD )
Scotland’s National Anthem
Scotland the Brave Lyrics
Hark when the night is falling Hear! Hear the pipes are calling, Loudly and proudly calling, Down thro’ the glen. There where the hills are sleeping, Now feel the blood a-leaping, High as the spirits of the old Highland men.
Towering in gallant fame, Scotland my mountain hame, High may your proud standards gloriously wave, Land of my high endeavour, Land of the shining river, Land of my heart for ever, Scotland the brave.
High in the misty Highlands, Out by the purple islands, Brave are the hearts that beat Beneath Scottish skies. Wild are the winds to meet you, Staunch are the friends that greet you, Kind as the love that shines from fair maiden’s eyes.
Towering in gallant fame, Scotland my mountain hame, High may your proud standards gloriously wave, Land of my high endeavour, Land of the shining river, Land of my heart for ever, Scotland the brave.
Far off in sunlit places, Sad are the Scottish faces, Yearning to feel the kiss Of sweet Scottish rain. Where tropic skies are beaming, Love sets the heart a-dreaming, Longing and dreaming for the homeland again.
Towering in gallant fame, Scotland my mountain hame, High may your proud standards gloriously wave, Land of my high endeavour, Land of the shining river, Land of my heart for ever, Scotland the brave.
I still think John McDermott’s lyrics are better !
The Highland Bagpipe
The Highland bagpipe, widely considered ‘Scotland’s national instrument’, is one of the most recognized icons of traditional music in the world. It is also among the least understood. However, since the bagpipe’s unprecedented surge in public visibility and scholarly attention since the 1990s, a greater interest in the emic has led the consideration of both the globalization of Highland piping and piping as rooted in local culture.
As we all know, the great highland bagpipe is the Scotland’s national musical instrument. It holds a significance role, together with tartan, kilt and whisky in Scotland’s symbol. But why and is it true that the bagpipe was originally ‘born’ in Scotland?
HISTORY OF BAGPIPES
Actually, the 1st form of bagpipes was not found in Scotland, but in Egypt by 2500 B.C, the name is shawm. In the past, pipes were used as the instrument of war in Europe since they produce aggressive sound. In Scotland, bagpipes settled in Highland in about 1400. The 1st version only had single drone. In sixteenth century, they added the second drone and later, the three drone bagpipes become the version of nowadays great highland bagpipes. This shows that the bagpipes evolved in Scotland.
MUSIC OF SCOTLAND
The earliest versions of Scottish music are Gaelic singing and harp playing. The harp (clarsach) was the former national instrument and had been taken over by the Highland bagpipes by the 15th century. There are separations between music of Scottish Highland and Lowland. Highland music seems to have differed considerably from music in Lowlands; the bagpipe-playing achieved greater sophistication and the folk-songs had Gaelic words.
1. Lowland Pipers
Lowland pipers are town pipers, they worked for a town. But, in the Reformation era, the Calvinist banned the musical instruments playing because it is considered as a sin, so that the pipers ran to the Highland to be able to play their bagpipes freely
2. Highland Pipers
The highland clans maintained the piping tradition for over the centuries. The professional pipers are owned to the chieftain of clan. The pipers awakened the clan every morning, play in special occasion and play gathering tunes for clan meeting. In 1500s, bagpipe has the same popularity as harp, but in 1600 the harps were no longer famous so that the Highland elevated bagpipes as their choice of favorite musical instrument (Celtic Instruments, 2005).
Clan pipers’ title held much esteem and highly respected. Some of the most popular are (Hermansson, 2008):
– MacCrimmons, pipers to MacLeod of Dunvegan
– MacAuthurs, pipers to MacDonald of the Isles
– MacKays, pipers to the MacKenzie
– Rankins, pipers to MacLearn of Duart
In 1500, the Highland bagpipes originated in Gaelic clan society in Western Highland. Even though the clan pipers were ‘servants’ to their sponsor, they were considered as an important part for the political power and warfare of the clans’ chief. Their role was to entertain their clan chief at home or abroad, also included military service (Collinson, 1975). By the end of 15th century, a piper was no longer serve a lord or clan chief, but to a town (Baines, 1979).
THE BANNING OF THE BAGPIPES
There was a disastrous rebellion in 1745 by almost all of Highland chiefs (Kay, 1998). The government assaults the economic, political and social structure of the Highland since they are considered to be dangerous. Every tie between clan and chief was diminished by the government to make the Highland become more likely as Lowland.
Facts: The clans always went to the battle with bagpipes. After Prince Charles Edward Stuart lost the battle to British at 1746, the Act of Parliament in 1747 consider the bagpipes as the instrument of war/weapon (Myles, 1996). Therefore, the bagpipe was banned and also kilt, tartan, swords and any kinds related to Scotland.
Although the bagpipes almost died in Britain, in Isle of Skye there was piper family; MacCrimmons who still creatively composed for the Highland bagpipe repertoire – Piobaireachd. The Disarming Act in 1782 brought the bagpipes back to community, but as a social instrument.
Safety lesson:
I know, I saw it right away too…. No safety glasses or hearing protection!!! (or gloves)
Canadians Warn US Not to Fall for National Registration of Firearms Lie
Brian Lilley gives an important warning to his American friends: Registration of firearms will lead to the confiscation of firearms.
[Highlighting and underlining in the letter is my editorial emphasis]
Joshua Boston’s Letter to Dianne Feinstein
Senator Dianne Feinstein,
I will not register my weapons should this bill be passed, as I do not believe it is the government’s right to know what I own. Nor do I think it prudent to tell you what I own so that it may be taken from me by a group of people who enjoy armed protection yet decry me having the same a crime. You ma’am have overstepped a line that is not your domain. I am a Marine Corps Veteran of 8 years, and I will not have some woman who proclaims the evil of an inanimate object, yet carries one, tell me I may not have one.
I am not your subject. I am the man who keeps you free. I am not your servant. I am the person whom you serve. I am not your peasant. I am the flesh and blood of America.
I am the man who fought for my country. I am the man who learned. I am an American. You will not tell me that I must register my semi-automatic AR-15 because of the actions of some evil man.
I will not be disarmed to suit the fear that has been established by the media and your misinformation campaign against the American public.
Good Morning Campers! Welcome to another episode of fun, excitement, and battling B.S. around the world! Today’s issue is jam-packed full of stuff. I mean really full. There is so much stuff in this issue that….well….you will be astounded, amazed, excited and full of laffter. Well, instead of me sitting here prattling on about how great this e-zine is, why don’t you just found out for yourself!
What a fantastic balancing act. This is art!
The little Johnny wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, “Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises, and when I look in your bedroom you’re bouncing up and down on him.”
His mom is taken by surprise and says, “Oh… well… ah…. well I’m bouncing on his stomach because he’s fat and that makes him thin again.”
And the boy thought for a moment and said, “Nahhh, that won’t work!”
His mom says, “Why?!?”
And the boy replied, “Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day, and blows him back up!”
This is great! I know it’s probably not real, but it’s great non-the-less:
Top Secret Drum Corps is a precision drum corps based in Basel, Switzerland. With 25 drummers and colorguard members, the corps became famous for its demanding six-minute routine performed at the Edinburgh Tattoo in 2003. With its invitation to Edinburgh, Top Secret became one of the first non-military, non-British Commonwealth acts to perform on the Esplanade at Edinburgh Castle. Since its success in 2003, Top Secret was invited to return to Edinburgh in 2006 with a new and improved routine. They were invited a third time in 2009 and again in 2012. Under the leadership of Erik Julliard, the band is also responsible for the founding of the Basel Tattoo, a military tattoo show similar to the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, now held annually in Basel.
Now, let’s watch this great out fit at work…
The doctor entered the waiting room. “I have some good news for you, Mrs. Douglas.”
“Pardon me,” she interrupted, “but it’s Miss.”
“The doctor said, “I have some bad news for you, Miss Douglas.
So, you all saw my last post, the one that welcomes in Spring. Well, here’s a little more in the same vein.
I never thought I’d say this, but
I’M TIRED OF THE DAMN COLD WEATHER!!!
Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated
on my driver’s license.
“Will there be any change of address?” the clerk inquired.
“No,” I replied.
“Oh, good,” she said, clearly delighted. “You got the house.”
Okay, so this has become an Easter Fantasy Pic favorite. Those sure are some good lookin’ bunnies.
An English Clergyman turned to a Scotchman and asked : “What would you be if you were not Scot?”
The Scotchman said: “Why, an Englishman, of course!”
Then the clergyman turned to a gentleman from Ireland and asked him: “And what would you be were you not an Irishman?”
The man thought a moment and said: “I’d be ashamed of meself!”
“Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.”
— Alex Levine
It all happened in a pub. A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,”comes the reply.
The first man then asks : “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin”, comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it, ” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too!” “Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, “what school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. “I graduated in ’62”.
“This is unbelievable!” the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?”, he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again!”
The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together as they gyrated to their own tattoo.
The woman cocked her ear, “Quick it’s my husband coming through the front door. Hide in the bathroom!” she cried.
The lover ran into the bathroom as she hid his clothes under the bed and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.
“What are you doing lying on the bed naked?” he asked.
“Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive you.” she replied with a knowing smile.
“Great,” he said “I’ll just nip into the bathroom and will be with you in two shakes.”
Before she could stop him he was into the bathroom where he found the lover clapping his hand in mid-air.
“Who the devil are you!” the husband demanded.
“I’m from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid of these pesky moths.” the lover replied.
“But.. but you’ve got no clothes on?” stammered the husband.
The lover looked down, jumped backwards in surprise and said, “Oh! The little bastards!”
Okay, so I just got one question…WTF? Okay, that’s just not good enough…
A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
“Just water,” says the priest. The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Two beggars in Rome;
One has a Cross in front of him; the other is holding the Star of David.
Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar with the Cross while none give to the beggar with the Star of David.
Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and says, “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit here with a Star of David in front of you especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turning to the beggar with the Cross, said,
“Moshe, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”
President Obama made his pick of the Final Four. That is, the four countries that are still friendly to the U.S.
President Obama met with Ireland’s prime minister and attended a St. Patrick’s Day lunch with U.S. lawmakers Tuesday. Ireland allow actors, comedians, writers of fiction and singers of songs to live there tax-free. So for everybody in Washington, Ireland is Plan B.
President Obama met leaders in Israel and West Bank and Jordan this week. Neither side is thrilled to see him. Due to President Obama’s tepid support, Israelis now have their own foreign policy and due to Obama’s drone program, the Arabs now celebrate Passover.
The Bible mini-series Sunday introduced the character of Satan who tempts Jesus in the wilderness. The devil is a dead ringer for Barack Obama. He tempted Jesus with an IRS audit if he didn’t stop infringing on the government’s exclusive right to heal people.
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg appealed a judge’s ruling against his ban on large sugary drinks in Manhattan. He’s restricted alcohol, cigarettes and even baby formula. Mayor Mike Bloomberg believes that life is like a box of chocolates, and you can’t have any.
The U.S. is still paying survivor benefits to the families of Civil War veterans. Some people think that is wrong. John McCain makes enough already from his Senate salary.
At Knoxville airport, Delta workers ordered pizza to be delivered to passengers stuck on the tarmac for a flight diverted due to bad weather. The really shocking thing… the airline didn’t charge them by the slice.
The Octomom is being investigated for possible welfare fraud after taking state aid while making $200,000 last year. If nothing else, the state should be happy to be supplying her with free birth control.
A 28-year-old woman from Serbia has a rare brain condition where she sees everything upside down. The good news? She’s now been given a job at the White House as President Obama’s economic adviser.
California and Rhode Island are tied for the nation’s highest unemployment rate at 9.8%. The difference is that Rhode Island’s rate will drop to 7.5% when they just come up with another three jobs.
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license but not for being in the country illegally, you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
President Obama is in Jerusalem. The president didn’t expect a lot of warmth from Prime Minister Netanyahu, but he’s a little disappointed that the citizens didn’t provide him with a donkey and lay palms at his feet.
Cyprus agreed to seize ten percent of the money in all Cyprus bank accounts to avoid bankruptcy. It’s an outrageous seizure of private property. The White House issued a statement immediately saying that President Obama is always looking for fresh new ideas.
The U.S. Senate tried to save the Senate barber shop from being eliminated in the new budget bill. Critics note the Senate barber shop lost three hundred and fifty thousand dollars last year. That makes it the most profitable agency in the U.S. government.
I really like this one!!! And they all work, too!
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was not perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him to arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete.
I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have carport, and not need one.
I mean what are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland.
Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger? No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me.
What makes you think that? I got proof.
What kind of proof? She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say:
You have to really be a particular kind of stupid to go fishing with hand grenades and drop it right next to the boat. This really doesn’t get old. I could watch it for hours
Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much…it’s all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, ‘Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?’
Startled, Sophia replies, ‘Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?’
Luigi answers, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?’
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?’
Rosa answers, ‘Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?’ He replies, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes… how do you like them?’
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played,Luigi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red…He states, ‘Carmela, be stilla my heart, Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!’
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, ‘Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight…’
Luigi gasps, ‘Thanka God ….I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Armani leather shoes………………….!’.
How about another edition of pictures that ought to scare the hell out of you…
Yeah, makes good sense to me.
Has NOBODY figured this stuff out, yet????
Come on people!
Can I get an Amen?!
Tomorrow, dear campers, is Easter Morning. The day that we celebrate … the day we celebrate what, exactly?
Is it the Christian Religious holiday that celebrates the sacrifice of God’s Son for the balance of the sins of humankind?
Is it a Spring festival?
Does the rabbit and the eggs celebrate the fertility rite that this time of year brings on?
There are historic facts to support all of these.
So, what then does Easter celebrate?
I suppose I could say that it is up to the individual how they celebrate Easter and why, but somehow…that just doesn’t seem right. Personally, my beliefs…my faith … tells me that Easter celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ on Sunday, after dying on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins…and yours, too, which occurred on Good Friday. Six hours he hung there, in excruciating pain. Enough pain to balance the scales for all the sins of the world.
So then, where does the Easter Bunny, Easter Eggs and Easter Candy come into the whole holiday celebration?
Well, I’ll let the history channel answer that much better than I can…
Easter Bunny
The Bible makes no mention of a long-eared, short-tailed creature who delivers decorated eggs to well-behaved children on Easter Sunday; nevertheless, the Easter bunny has become a prominent symbol of Christianity’s most important holiday. The exact origins of this mythical mammal are unclear, but rabbits, known to be prolific procreators, are an ancient symbol of fertility and new life. According to some sources, the Easter bunny first arrived in America in the 1700s with German immigrants who settled in Pennsylvania and transported their tradition of an egg-laying hare called “Osterhase” or “Oschter Haws.” Their children made nests in which this creature could lay its colored eggs. Eventually, the custom spread across the U.S. and the fabled rabbit’s Easter morning deliveries expanded to include chocolate and other types of candy and gifts, while decorated baskets replaced nests. Additionally, children often left out carrots for the bunny in case he got hungry from all his hopping.
Easter Eggs
Easter is a religious holiday, but some of its customs, such as Easter eggs, are likely linked to pagan traditions. The egg, an ancient symbol of new life, has been associated with pagan festivals celebrating spring. From a Christian perspective, Easter eggs are said to represent Jesus’ emergence from the tomb and resurrection. Decorating eggs for Easter is a tradition that dates back to at least the 13th century, according to some sources. One explanation for this custom is that eggs were formerly a forbidden food during the Lenten season, so people would paint and decorate them to mark the end of the period of penance and fasting, then eat them on Easter as a celebration.
Easter egg hunts and egg rolling are two popular egg-related traditions. In the U.S., the White House Easter Egg Roll, a race in which children push decorated, hard-boiled eggs across the White House lawn, is an annual event held the Monday after Easter. The first official White House egg roll occurred in 1878, when Rutherford B. Hayes was president. The event has no religious significance, although some people have considered egg rolling symbolic of the stone blocking Jesus’ tomb being rolled away, leading to his resurrection.
Easter Candy
Easter is the second best-selling candy holiday in America, after Halloween. Among the most popular sweet treats associated with this day are chocolate eggs, which date back to early 19th century Europe. Eggs have long been associated with Easter as a symbol of new life and Jesus’ resurrection. Another egg-shaped candy, the jelly bean, became associated with Easter in the 1930s (although the jelly bean’s origins reportedly date all the way back to a Biblical-era concoction called a Turkish Delight). According to the National Confectioners Association, over 16 billion jelly beans are made in the U.S. each year for Easter, enough to fill a giant egg measuring 89 feet high and 60 feet wide. For the past decade, the top-selling non-chocolate Easter candy has been the marshmallow Peep, a sugary, pastel-colored confection. Bethlehem, Pennsylvania-based candy manufacturer Just Born (founded by Russian immigrant Sam Born in 1923) began selling Peeps in the 1950s. The original Peeps were handmade, marshmallow-flavored yellow chicks, but other shapes and flavors were later introduced, including chocolate mousse bunnies.
So, are you all suitably filled with Easter Information?
Then I suggest you all get busy filling those plastic eggs for the Easter Egg hunt tomorrow…at least, that’s what I’m going to be doing in just a little while. And because it’s going to be wet and possibly raining here tomorrow, I’ll probably hide the eggs in the house…which also means that sometime in July or August we’ll find the last egg with really old jellybeans or little chocolate eggs in them.
Oh, the joys of having a child at Easter. Man, I have a wonderful life!
Well March 15th till April 15th certainly is event filled! We’ve had St Patrick’s Day, followed by Eostre/Ostara &/or The Vernal Equinox. That was followed by the thankfully short lived Impish Dragon vs. Lethal’ s Cats brouhaha of last week.
Now this week Good Friday ( a day off for some of you) & Easter are ahead this weekend with April Fools Day on the heels of Easter on Monday next. A scant 2 weeks after that is what is probably the most dreaded and hated day in the US calendar April 15th a.k.a. TAX DAY!
SIGH! Am I EVER going to get a chance to sit back with a fresh cuppa and a good book and relax? Apparently not until after April 15th at least!
While Easter weekend may prove to be something of a let down- no Easter Egg Hunt on the South Lawn of the White House due to the Sequester and those April Fools in Congress not being able to get their acts together and end it coupled with Vegas I hear is offer some decent odds on snow for much of the Northeast for Easter Weekend.
However we here at DL/LL Electronic Media Enterprises Ltd are focused on bringing you as much laughter as possible through all this by focusing on what is one of Impish’s 3 most favorite Holidays of the year…April Fool’s Day (he thinks its in his honor)
Ok so you reader have a point, Impish really has not met a holiday celebrated in the US that he didn’t like (with the arguable exceptions of Valentine’s Day and Saint Patrick’s Day his notably two least favorite from what I can see).
In honor of April Fools Day I’ve included very little in the way of serious material today only 1 or two things that are newsworthy but of a more or less ‘Odd or Humorous’ nature. Most of the issue is devoted to laughter and time wasting with a wee bit of exploring the origin and meaning behind April Fool’s Day tossed in. Of course laughter means the obligatory poke or 6 at our resident fool I MEAN straight man Impish.
So enough gobbling of the free scones and coffee already!No not you folks! I was talking to Impish over there. You readers are free to enjoy them…if he left you any. Mean time lets get on with the issue shall we?
A Joke in honor of the New Pope & Easter
(courtesy of our Princess of Puns Diaman)
There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.
Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.
Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope. In time, the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work.
In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen. The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!
Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy?”
After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA!
Molly is forced to remind me of the every year
Ok lets get the first semi serious piece of business out of the way. A few of you (to say nothing of Impish himself) are awaiting the official response from my cat’s and lovely (abet deadly) wife Molly regarding Impish’s apology and reparations tribute.
Now for those of you who don’t read the comments or even read this at the blog there WAS an immediate response Saturday afternoon after receipt of the reparations/tribute shipment and in response to his whining he was still going to get bumped off. (In truth I think he was more afraid of Molly than the cats at that point) Here is that response:
Lethal here-
After consultation with said cats I am authorized to say that at present Impish is in no danger from any of my felines or any feline forces/ hired mythical/fictional mercenary help under their direct control. In between naps and the other important things on their schedule they are inventorying and tallying the extent and quality of Impish’s apology/bribe.
A formal reply will apparently be given to me in time to be included in Wednesday’s issue. They wish me to stress that unlike cat bullying Dragons, they are honorable creatures (cough! OW!) and having gotten their public apology/admission of wrong doing, will refrain from harming Impish at present (presuming he obeys the TRO and “keeps his big dog like yap shut” (direct translation of the meows) as promised. So if something DOES happen to Impish they suggest that his host of other less than happy with him potential suspects/frenimies/business associates be looked at first.
As for Molly, while she still growls and grumbles at the mention of Impish’s name, I believe she is too busy using his money from the bribe to set up C.A.D.S.- Cats Abused (by) Dragons Shelter to be stalking him. Besides what the big pussy of a dragon fails to mention is she shot him with paint filled wax bullets- the military version of paint balls used in mock battle simulations. Her desire was to make the point to him that he COULD be gotten to anywhere/anytime and for him to embarrass his big fierce dragon self by either losing bladder control or fainting like a girl while being abused my a mere mortal woman.
Since he did both she’s quite happy with her revenge and her portion of the bribe. (Word has it she’s getting her 45 S&W customized, engraved, with gold inlay and diamond adornment to commemorate the victory. I understand the Grips will be made from dragon bone and done in a combination or Scrimshaw and Bas-Relief depicting the events some how)
I am now authorized to release this official statement from the elder cat in residence here at my penthouse in Keebler Towers to Impish regarding formal cessation of hostiles and the making of nice-nice between all parties:
DANG! Sorry folks! As I mentioned last week, I upgraded my blog assembler/editor program and apparently there are still a few glitches! Seems that its grabbed the intended photo for this April Fools education segment and place key phrases from Impish’s Personality Assessment/Analysis file over the top of it and now I can’t get them off!
April Fools’ Day, sometimes called All Fools’ Day, is one of the most light-hearted days of the year celebrated in many countries on April 1. Sometimes referred to as April 1 is not a national holiday, but is widely recognized and celebrated as a day when people play practical jokes and hoaxes on each other. Its origins are uncertain. Some see it as a celebration related to the turn of the seasons, while others believe it stems from the adoption of a new calendar.
Ancient cultures, including those of the Romans and Hindus, celebrated New Year’s Day on or around April 1. It closely follows the vernal equinox (March 20th or March 21st.) In medieval times, much of Europe celebrated March 25, the Feast of Annunciation, as the beginning of the new year.
The earliest recorded association between April 1 and foolishness can be found in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales (1392). Many writers suggest that the restoration of January 1 by Pope Gregory XIII as New Year’s Day of the Gregorian Calendar in the 16th century was responsible for the creation of the holiday, sometimes questioned for earlier reference In 1582, Pope Gregory XIII ordered a new calendar (the Gregorian Calendar) to replace the old Julian Calendar. The new calendar called for New Year’s Day to be celebrated Jan. 1. That year, France adopted the reformed calendar and shifted New Year’s day to Jan. 1. According to a popular explanation, many people either refused to accept the new date, or did not learn about it, and continued to celebrate New Year’s Day on April 1. Other people began to make fun of these traditionalists, sending them on “fool’s errands” or trying to trick them into believing something false. Eventually, the practice spread throughout Europe.
There are at least two difficulties with this explanation. The first is that it doesn’t fully account for the spread of April Fools’ Day to other European countries. The Gregorian calendar was not adopted by England until 1752, for example, but April Fools’ Day was already well established there by that point. The second is that we have no direct historical evidence for this explanation, only conjecture, and that conjecture appears to have been made more recently.
Another explanation of the origins of April Fools’ Day was provided by Joseph Boskin, a professor of history at Boston University. He explained that the practice began during the reign of Constantine, when a group of court jesters and fools told the Roman emperor that they could do a better job of running the empire. Constantine, amused, allowed a jester named Kugel to be king for one day. Kugel passed an edict calling for absurdity on that day, and the custom became an annual event.
“In a way,” explained Prof. Boskin, “it was a very serious day. In those times fools were really wise men. It was the role of jesters to put things in perspective with humor.”
This explanation was brought to the public’s attention in an Associated Press article printed by many newspapers in 1983. There was only one catch: Boskin made the whole thing up. It took a couple of weeks for the AP to realize that they’d been victims of an April Fools’ joke themselves.
New traffic sign proposed for all approaches to Washington D.C.
Personally if you ask me, I think they ought to remove the word ‘April’ from that sign!
The House Across From Westboro Baptist Is Getting a Rainbow Pride Paint Job Right Now!
By the end of today, the inhabitants of the Westboro Baptist Church compound in Topeka, Kansas, should have a new view out their windows, just past their FAG MARRIAGE DOOMS NATIONS sign: a new gay-rights center across the street, painted in brilliant rainbow colors, with a pride flag flying from a 30-foot flagpole.
Right now, a crew of volunteers is at work on the siding of a house opposite the headquarters of the publicity-hunting hate-preacher Fred Phelps.
The center is the work of a roving do-gooder named Aaron Jackson, a 31-year-old community-college dropout whose other projects have included opening orphanages in India and Haiti and buying a thousand acres of endangered rain forest in Peru. This year, his charity, Planting Peace, also intends to de-worm every child in Guatemala.
Jackson was drawn to Topeka after reading about Josef Miles, the local boy who last year, at the age of nine, photobombed one of the Westboro protests with a handmade sign that read “God Hates No One.” Jackson had been looking for a way to support equality, anti-bullying programs, and some sort of pro-LGBT initiative, he said.
“I’ve been accused in the past of being all over the place, and they’re probably right on some level,” Jackson told me last night by phone. “Right now we are standing up to bigotry and promoting equality.”
So while considering the Westboro Baptist Church, he began dinking around on Google Maps late one night. He pulled up the church, at 3701 SW 12th St. in Topeka, and took a virtual walk around the block. In the front yard of a house across the street, he noticed a For Sale sign.
“It hit me right away,” Jackson told me last night by phone. “Huh. That would be interesting to own a house across from the Westboro Baptist Church and turn it into something.’ And then, within five seconds: ‘And I’ll paint it the color of the pride flag.’ Perfect.”
The house he’d thought for sale no longer was, but he found another, two doors down, that was still across the street from the Westboro compound. It was listed for something in the $80,000s.
“I find that if you have a hate group in front of your home, that should bring the price of your home down just a little bit,” Jackson said. “Unfortunately the gentleman that was selling the house, he didn’t seem to agree with me.” The guy wouldn’t budge. Jackson was tempted to walk away. “What he did not know,” Jackson said, “where he had me, was I needed this home. I had to have this house. There was no way around it.”
Eventually the guy dropped to 81 and threw in a new roof. Jackson bought it sight unseen, without knowing so much as the number of bedrooms. Turns out there are two bedrooms, one bathroom, a carpeting dining area, two garages (the house sits at a corner), a fireplace, hardwood floors, a small porch, and a decent-sized yard that overlooks the headquarters of an active hate group. “The view is what I bought the home for,” Jackson said.
He closed on it about six months ago. In January he and his friend Davis Hammet, a 22-year-old Florida State grad, drove up from Florida overnight to move in. “We thought we were about to become popsicles,” Hammet said. They’ve been hunkering down, waiting for the weather to break, so they could get the house painted.
The plan is to ride the coattails of Westboro’s own media strategy. “We’re going to take the negative attention and try to spin it into something positive,” Hammet said. “Instead of millions of children around the world getting this hate message, they’re going to see this message of compassion and love.”
When I visited the house, during a cross-continental road trip in February, they had scarcely a stick of furniture other than the tables and chairs at the front picture window, their office and de facto crow’s nest. They were keeping a low profile, but were making some friends. This wasn’t long after Valentine’s Day, and a confidante at a fruit-basket outfit had given them a small fortune in leftover strawberries. It paired well with a housewarming six-pack I’d bought at a gas station in rural-highway Kansas.
We looked out the front window sipping beers and munching berries and wondering what the WBCers, who live throughout the neighborhood around the church, made of two dudes with a Jimmy Carter sticker on the bumper of their Prius moving to the neighborhood and staying up late every night.
The painters prepped over the weekend and did the white shutters on Monday. If all goes well, it should be a multi-hued spectrum by the early afternoon. Monday night, Hammet was exhausted but thrilled for Tuesday. “It’s the most important day of my life so far,” he said.
To the best of anyone’s knowledge, this will all come as a surprise to the WBCers. A few weeks ago, Jackson was walking around the iced-over block when he met Fred Phelps’ daughter Shirley, out plowing snow on an ATV. She was wearing a helmet, so he didn’t know who she was was until they and her husband got to chatting. She apparently cracked a pretty decent joke. “We all shared a giggle together,” Jackson said. “It was a sweet moment. And I just carried on.”
It is worth noting that many different cultures have had days of foolishness around the start of April, give or take a couple of weeks. The Romans had a festival named Hilaria on March 25, rejoicing in the resurrection of Attis. The Hindu calendar has Holi, and the Jewish calendar has Purim. Perhaps there’s something about the time of year, with its turn from winter to spring, that lends itself to lighthearted celebrations. Observances Around the World
April Fools’ Day is observed throughout the Western world. Practices include sending someone on a “fool’s errand,” looking for things that don’t exist; playing pranks; and trying to get people to believe ridiculous things.
Precursors of April Fools’ Day include the Roman festival of Hilaria, held March 25, and the Medieval Feast of Fools, held December 28, still a day on which pranks are played in Spanish-speaking countries.
In Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales (1392), the “Nun’s Priest’s Tale” is set Syn March began thritty dayes and two. Modern scholars believe that there is a copying error in the extant manuscripts and that Chaucer actually wrote, Syn March was gon. Thus, the passage originally meant 32 days after April, i.e. May 2, the anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II of England to Anne of Bohemia, which took place in 1381. Readers apparently misunderstood this line to mean “March 32”, i.e. April 1. In Chaucer’s tale, the vain cock Chauntecleer is tricked by a fox.
In 1508, French poet Eloy d’Amerval referred to a poisson d’avril (April fool, literally “April fish”), a possible reference to the holiday. In 1539, Flemish poet Eduard de Dene wrote of a nobleman who sent his servants on foolish errands on April 1. In 1686, John Aubrey referred to the holiday as “Fooles holy day”, the first British reference. On April 1, 1698, several people were tricked into going to the Tower of London to “see the Lions washed”.
In the Middle Ages, up until the late 18th century, New Year’s Day was celebrated on March 25 (Feast of the Annunciation) in most European towns. In some areas of France, New Year’s was a week-long holiday ending on April 1. Many writers suggest that April Fools originated because those who celebrated on January 1 made fun of those who celebrated on other dates. The use of January 1 as New Year’s Day was common in France by the mid-16th century, and this date was adopted officially in 1564 by the Edict of Roussillon.
A study in the 1950s, by folklorists Iona and Peter Opie, found that in the UK and those countries whose traditions derived from there, the joking ceased at midday. But this practice appears to have lapsed in more recent years
The April 1 tradition in France, Romandy [a region of Switzerland] and French-speaking Canada includes poisson d’avril (literally “April’s fish”), attempting to attach a paper fish to the victim’s back without being noticed. This is also widespread in other nations, such as Italy, where the term Pesce d’aprile (literally “April’s fish”) is also used to refer to any jokes done during the day. This custom also exists in certain areas of Belgium, including the province of Antwerp. The Flemish tradition is for children to lock out their parents or teachers, only letting them in if they promise to bring treats the same evening or the next day.
Everyone has their favorite traditional Easter dinner meat that is the center piece of their holiday meal. For some its Ham either fresh or smoked for others (like Impish I’m guessing with out saying the ‘P’ word) Easter Kielbasa, still others do a Prime Rib or Boneless Pork Loin. Since the center piece of the meal is long steeped in family traditions I’m not going to waste our time offering center of the table recipes today since most of you see that as the only no brainer part of the meal. Instead here are an appetizer a side and a desert that are all new and different to spark some fresh life into your holiday dinner and make you feel truly blessed.
Roasted Red Pepper & White Bean Spread
Looking for a quick and tasty appetizer? Roasted red peppers, beans, feta cheese and fresh parsley blend together for a scrumptious spread that’s sure to be a hit!
Prep 10 min. Total 10 min. Serves 16
What You’ll Need
1 cup roasted red peppers 1 can (about 15 ounces) small white beans, rinsed and drained 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese 1 tablespoon chopped fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley Crackers or Veggie sticks of your choice
How to Make It
1 Place the roasted peppers, beans, oil, black pepper and 3 tablespoons cheese into a food processor. Cover and process until the mixture is smooth.
2 Spoon the roasted pepper mixture into a serving bowl and sprinkle with the remaining cheese and the parsley.
Serve with the crackers or veggie sticks.
Makes a decent sandwich spread too! Try it on a burger!
Savory Mushroom Bread Pudding
Here’s a delectable, meat-free dish that’s perfect for brunches, buffets or as a side for your main course. It’s made with whole grain bread, a creamy mushroom sauce and lots of Swiss cheese.
Prep 15 min. Total 1 hr. 30 min. Serves 6
What You’ll Need
Vegetable cooking spray 12 slices Sliced Sandwich Bread or Whole Grain 100% Whole Wheat Bread, cut into cubes 1 package (8 ounces) sliced mushrooms (about 3 cups) 1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free) 4 eggs 2 1/2 cups milk 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves, crushed 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper 1 cup shredded Swiss cheese (about 4 ounces)
How to Make It
1 Heat the oven to 375°F. Spray a 3-quart shallow baking dish with the cooking spray.
2 Place the bread and mushrooms into the prepared baking dish.
3 Beat the soup, eggs, milk, thyme and black pepper in a medium bowl with a fork or whisk. Pour the soup mixture over the bread and mushrooms, pressing down the bread to coat. Let stand for 30 minutes.
4 Bake for 35 minutes. Sprinkle evenly with the cheese. Bake for 10 minutes or until the cheese is melted.
Notice the highlighted measurement in the bread portion of the ingredients. I didn’t have 12 slices of bread to donate to this experiment so I used 3 cups of Herb & Garlic Croutons. To compensate for them being much drier than the bread I added an egg as well as 1/3 cup of 1/2 & 1/2 to the egg/soup mixture. I also increased the standing time to 45 minutes covered and in my fridge. as a result mine went into a cold oven so as not to shatter my crockery and took slightly longer.
I also sautéed a mix of baby portabella and button mushroom slices I had then added about 1/2 a cups worth once they were cooked and the pan juices to the liquids. I cannot say how much I started with as I decided to cook up all that I had and divide afterwards.
I found the dish lacking color so I added some green onions (to taste) and a little parsley.
I find this goes well with Beef (roasts or grilled steaks), pork (Smoked Ham, or especially Rotisserie Pork Loins) Grilled Lamb and finally really classes up a good old meat loaf dinner.
This Peanut Butter Puddin’ Cake is wonderful. If you like peanut butter, you will love this recipe. Just add a big scoop of ice cream for a real treat.
1 cup all-purpose flour 1 cup brown sugar 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup peanut butter (I used Jif extra crunchy) 1/2 cup milk (I used 2%) 2 tablespoons cooking oil (I used Canola) 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup walnut pieces (could use any nut you like) 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips 1 1/2 cups hot water Mix together flour, sugar, baking powder and salt with a spoon. Add peanut butter, milk, oil and vanilla and mix well with spoon. Spray an 8 x 8 dish. Spread batter in bottom. Batter will be thick. Sprinkle nuts and chocolate chips over batter. Pour hot water on top. Do not mix again. (I just heat water to boiling in microwave). Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 45 minutes. You will be able to see peanut butter oozing out the top of the cake. Makes about 8 to 10 servings. Enjoy!
Notable April Fools’ Day pranks and hoaxes:
One of the great media hoaxes of all time was perpetrated on April 1, 1957 by the BBC, which reported on its news program Panorama that Switzerland was experiencing a bumper spaghetti harvest that year thanks to favorable weather and the elimination of the dread “spaghetti weevil.” Staged video footage showing happy peasants plucking strands of pasta from tall trees was so convincing that many viewers actually called the network to ask how they could grow their own.
Some of the best-known pranks in recent years were mounted by advertising agencies. In 1996, Taco Bell ran a full-page ad in the New York Times announcing it had purchased the Liberty Bell and would rename it the “Taco Liberty Bell.” Burger King pulled off a similar prank in 1998, announcing the rollout of its “Left-Handed Whopper” supposedly designed so that condiments would drip from the right side of the burger rather than the left.
On the Internet hoaxes have become such standard fare that April Fools’ Day is barely distinguishable from any other, though a few notable pranks stand out and tend to be reposted year after year — e.g., the 1996 announcement that every computer connected to the World Wide Web must be turned off for Internet Cleaning Day, a 24-hour period during which useless “flotsam and jetsam” are flushed from the system.
This bird might be a better conversationalist than Impish! (Based on their similar brain sizes)
More literary contributions for our resident Poet Laureate Diaman
There once was a barmaid named Gale On whose breasts was the menu for ale But since she was kind For the sake of the blind On her ass it was printed in Braille
There was a Young Man from Kent Whose Rod was so long it bent. So to save himself trouble He bent it in double, And instead of coming — he went!
There once was a man from sprocket Who went for a ride in a rocket The rocket went bang His balls went clang And he found his dick in his pocket!
There once was a man from madras Whose balls were made of brass In stormy weather They clang together And sparks fly out of his ass!
There was a young lady named Claire Who possessed a magnificent pair; Or that’s what I thought ‘Til I saw one get caught On a thorn, and begin to lose air.
There was a young lady named Hitchin Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen. Her mother said, “Rose, It’s the crabs, I suppose.” She said, “Yes, and the buggers are itchin’.”
THE SOURCE OF LIBERALS! I HAVE FINALLY FOUND IT!
MinusIQ | The pill to lower your IQ permanently
The world’s a much brighter place when you’re not too bright for it.
So THAT is how you make a Liberal! And here I thought it was a genetic deficiency!
Plus a couple cigars too!
I’d like to see a letter of reference to that effect or better yet a video!
Obviously Welfare/Entitlement family humor
32? Wow he’s really good with fractional loads then!
You got ANY idea HOW HARD it is to find a Parting Shot Header appropriate graphic that is also April Fools Day friendly?
Founded by geniuses but run by idiots …
By Junius P. Long
Some Serious Food For Thought Here Even If It IS Presented Humorously!
If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally …you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If the only school curriculum allowed to explain how we got here is evolution, but the government stops a $15 million construction project to keep a rare spider from evolving to extinction … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is “cute,” but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested “homes”… you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while not working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing and free cell phones … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If the government’s plan for getting people back to work is to incentivize NOT working with 99 weeks of unemployment checks and no requirement to prove they applied but can’t find work … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
If being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you more “safe” according to the government … you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
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Legend has it that at some point during the invasion the Norsemen tried to surprise the sleeping Scottish Clansmen. In order to move more stealthily under the cover of darkness the Norsemen removed their footwear. But as they crept barefoot they came across an area of ground covered in thistles and one of Haakon’s men unfortunately stood on one and shrieked out in pain, thus alerting the Clansmen to the advancing Norsemen. 
The Highland bagpipe, widely considered ‘Scotland’s national instrument’, is one of the most recognized icons of traditional music in the world. It is also among the least understood. However, since the bagpipe’s unprecedented surge in public visibility and scholarly attention since the 1990s, a greater interest in the emic has led the consideration of both the globalization of Highland piping and piping as rooted in local culture.
![Dragon-Pic_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t[2]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/dragon-pic_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t2.jpg "Dragon-Pic_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_t[2]")
![Fantasy-Pic_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb[1]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/fantasy-pic_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb11.jpg "Fantasy-Pic_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb[1]")
![coollogo_com-170261913_thumb1_thumb_[2]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/coollogo_com-170261913_thumb1_thumb_21.png "coollogo_com-170261913_thumb1_thumb_[2]")
![coollogo_com-7318770_thumb2_thumb_th[1]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/coollogo_com-7318770_thumb2_thumb_th12.png "coollogo_com-7318770_thumb2_thumb_th[1]")
Prep 10 min. 
Total 10 min. 
Serves 16
Dragon Laffs 