As you enter the conference room you see an iLethal zipping back and forth between Diaman and Ginny (who seems particularly flustered and flushed for some reason- could she be worried about Lethal’s comment posted in Saturday’s edition of DragonLaffs?) apparently in conversation with both of them. Several CyberLethals move about the room finishing various set up tasks before taking up discrete positions about the room.

The screen behind the podium has been lowered and Lethal’s image appears to be watching all that is going on from somewhere not here. He perks up and brightens considerably when he sees you all enter.

Good morning readers!  As you can see, from the image behind me, we had a little rain since last I spoke to you here at Keebler Towers. Thankfully this time all three days of major precipitation (2 –4”, 3-5” and up to 6.5” respectively) we managed to dodge the bullet and avoid flooding of my home office.

While I have no new photos of Impish swimming in the gutter outside my house I thought I’d share these flooding photos with you. When we move in November Molly and I are seriously considering moving into a second floor apartment despite my knees, legs and cane use just to be sure we never flood again as well as avoid some of the other 1st floor invaders like ants, roaches , beetles and Gecko lizards.

Since I’m somewhat pressed for time having two tests lasting up to two hours each to take today we’ll be moving right along.

As you can tell from our new background yesterday marked Mabon the Autumnal Equinox or for those of you not practiced in keeping the uld ways the First Day of Fall. We’ve been experiencing some pretty fall like weather here in Texas which is unusual this early in the year when we’re generally still in the 90s. I thought we’d all like to know what the fall has in store for us weather wise so I nipped ‘round to Mother Natures study and had a wee peek at here short range plans. I’ve recreated them as best I could here for you.

 

What? Well OF COURSE it says ‘The Weather Channel on them! Who did you THINK owned The Weather Channel? How else  did you think they did all that more or less accurate forecasting? Where else did you think Mother Nature got the  where withal to mess with our weather 24/7/365? Practically ALL us mythical creatures have mundane world business interests centered along the lines of our special interests! MORTALS! SHEESH!

I’m pleased to report that all Pizza Promotion Faction Representatives who have been  trying my patience availing themselves of our manual labor weight loss program for the last several weeks have departed back to their respective locales after Saturday’s issue posted. Now I’m not going to say it has to do with what I said or Impish’s admission that who has the best pizza is not the foremost concern when discussing pizza. I’d like to think that the issue was discussed (by at least a few of us…and damned few at that) and we were all able to reach common ground and concede each other’s view point were equally valid.

However I find there is one small last bit of business to contend with before I can officially declare the whole Subject of the Great  Pizza Chew 2014 closed….

<Screen view changes to one of the picnic field from which Impish makes his opening comments on Saturdays. As the camera zooms in to the Pavilion you see a fairly large object covered with a painters tarp  on the ground in front of the stage situated squarely under the podium. Impish from his padded position grunts quizzically and sits up to get a better view as Diaman and Ginny are led to the podium by the iLethal and directed to place their hands on a large button.>

Ladies if you’d please do the honors of the unveiling.

<The ladies push the button together and the tarp in the picnic area briskly climbs up into the air and out of camera shot unveiling some sort of monument stone. The camera slowly zooms in for a closer look…>

NOW the Subject of the Great  Pizza Chew 2014  is officially closed!

I’m off for some last minute cramming before the tests start enjoy the issue.

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/momsagainsteverything/posts/1490457727857120

 

Inner beauty <cough!> yeah ok, that what the guy in our next photo has too, ‘inner beauty’. Just like you he’s a real beaut all right!

We’ve got some bad news. Toronto’s larger than life Mayor Rob Ford has withdrawn his re-election bid due to the discovery of an abdominal tumor believed to be cancer after complaining of abdominal pains for over three months. Comics everywhere are wailing, gnashing their teeth and pulling out their hair.

The Top 5 Reasons We’ll Miss Toronto Mayor Rob Ford

1. Now we have to focus on the more important things in the news, like which Kardashian is pregnant.
2. The U.S. export of ill-fitting suits will drop off precipitously.
3. We’re left with just the Maple Leafs when we want to point and laugh at Toronto.
4. The nude photos hacked from his iPhone are suddenly worthless.

And the Number One Reason We’ll Miss Toronto Mayor Rob Ford…

1. He really made you feel that ANYONE could be a mayor.

 

Jalapeno Popper Dip

 

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 35 – 45 minutes

 

 

  Ingredients

2 blocks Cream Cheese, softened,
3 fresh jalapeño peppers (2 diced and 1 split in half for garnish),
1/2c.  Shredded Habanero  or Pepper Jack cheese, divided,
1/2c. Mayonnaise,
1 (7 oz. can)Diced Green Chiles,
1 (2..5 oz. pkg.) 100% Bacon Pieces,
1/2c. Grated Parmesan Cheese, divided,

Directions

1 Preheat oven to 350°F.
2  Place the cream cheese in 9×11-inch baking dish and put in oven 5 minutes.
3 Remove cream cheese from oven and add mayo, combine until well mixed.
4  Add the rest of the ingredients, reserving a 1/4 cup each of the parmesan and Habanero Jack cheese.
5 Top the dip with the remaining cheese and halved jalapeño.
6 Bake uncovered at 350°F for 30-40 minutes, until the cheese is bubbling and slightly browned.

Chicken Chilaquiles

Prep 20 min.

 Total 40 min.

Serves 4

Servings: about 1 cup Cook: 10 min.

Bake: 10 min.

This Mexican inspired dish features a combination of shredded cooked chicken, tomato chipotle soup, onion, garlic, cheese and crispy tortilla strips. It’s easy to prepare, super delicious and guaranteed to be a hit at your dinner table!

What You’ll Need

10 corn tortillas (6-inch), cut into 1-inch-thick strips
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 medium onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves, crushed
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell’s® Condensed Tomato, Chipotle & Olive Oil Soup
1 cup water
2 cups shredded cooked chicken
1/4 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper
1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese or crumbled queso fresco (about 4 ounces)
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves
4 wedges limes

How to Make It

• 1 Heat the oven to 350°F.  Arrange the tortilla strips on 2 baking sheets. 
• 2 Bake for 10 minutes or until the tortilla strips are crisp and lightly browned.  Reserve 5 tortilla strips.
• 3 Heat the oil in a 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat.  Add the onion and oregano and cook for 2 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Add the garlic and cook and stir for 1 minute.
• 4 Stir in the soup and water and heat to a boil.  Reduce the heat to medium.  Cook, uncovered, for 5 minutes.  Stir in the chicken and black pepper and cook until the mixture is hot and bubbling.
• 5 Stir in the remaining tortilla strips and cook until the mixture is hot.  Remove the skillet from the heat.  Sprinkle the chicken mixture with the cheese.  Top with the reserved tortilla strips and the cilantro, if desired.  Serve with the lime wedges.

NUTELLA NO-BAKE COOKIES

 

Ingredients

2 cups sugar
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1/2 cup Nutella
3 cups old-fashioned oats
1 tsp. Vanilla extract
Pinch of salt

Directions

Place sugar, cocoa powder, milk, and butter in a saucepan.
Bring to a boil over medium heat; boil for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes.
Remove saucepan from the heat; add Nutella, oats, vanilla extract, and salt.
Stir until well combined.
Drop the oat mixture by spoonfuls onto wax paper and let cool.

A 94-year-old prophecy is fulfilled.

H.L. Mencken (born 1880 – died 1956) was a journalist, satirist, critic and registered Democrat. Mencken wrote the editorial below while working for the Baltimore Evening Sun, which appeared in the July 26,1920 edition.

“As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron.” – H.L.  Mencken, the Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920

So it was written, and so on  Tuesday, January 20, 2009 it came to pass…

 

Best Way to Clean Grout (EVER!!!)

I have to admit I was pretty skeptical, especially when I got a load of Mr. Wooly Caterpillar Eyebrows. After watching this though the parts to  make two of them it are on my next shopping trip list. We’ll be moving in two months and that always means lots of cleaning needs doing.  If nothing else I figure these should pay for themselves in times saved cleaning bathrooms alone.

 

ASK YOUR PHARMACIST

What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?

I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.

She then asked if she could help me. I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”

The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.”

When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do”.

. . . 1/3 ownership in the store,

. . . A company pickup truck,

. . . A king size bed and

. . . $3,000 a month in living expenses.

 

All in all I don’t think I made a bad deal! The sisters (shown here prior to our first outing/alleviation treatment session) are not hard to take and I gained another bolt hole, some decent perks, interest in a new business venture and a little monthly pocket money!

 

 

There once  was a girl named Hortence,
Whose breasts were very immense.
One day, while  playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over  the fence.
================
There was a young lady of Norway
Who hung  by her toes in a doorway.
She said to her beau,
“Just look at me Joe,
I  think I’ve discovered one more way.”
===============
There was a young  fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one  bean
He’d fart “God Save the
Queen,”
And Beethoven’s Moonlight  Sonata.

Burned armpit hair causes Idaho car crash

Teen lost control of vehicle after passenger lit his armpit hair on fire

Published On: Sep 18 2014 10:28:04 AM CDT

An SUV full of teens crashed in Idaho after police say one of the passengers lit the driver’s armpit hair on fire.

The crash happened at about 5:30 a.m. Sunday.

According to police, 18-year-old Tristan Myers lost control of the vehicle after a 16-year-old passenger used a lighter to set Myers’ armpit hair on fire.

Two girls in the backseat, ages 15 and 16, were thrown from the vehicle.

All five teens in the vehicle were injured and received medical treatment. None were wearing seatbelts, Boise TV station WREM reported.

Myers was cited for inattentive driving. The lighter-wielding passenger was ticketed for interfering with the driver’s safe operation of a vehicle.

Uhh…yeah ummm…(sigh!)…sorry but I got nuthin’ What could I possibly add to this to make this funnier or more ludicrous a story?

 Well the promised time has finally arrived! Ginny has made a comment publicly in Saturday’s DragonLaffs comments section about tattoos and Diaman’s bum, which I’ll admit has garnered a considerable male following among our readers. Privately she’s expressed her belief that her is just as good and that Impish and I are playing favorites.

Well never let it not be said Impish nor I do not appreciate each woman for their own particular charms.

I GIVE YOU THE DL/LL ELECTONIC MEDIA ENTERPRISES DEBUTE OF GINNY”S BACKSIDE!

Yup! Definite Jersey girl! Half naked but still wearing her jewelry while the white cheekers proclaim ‘naughty but innocent’ at the same time for plausible deniability in case she changes her mind  and a stranglehold on the bottle of Jack!

Here she is again “down the shore wid Impish”. Personally I doubt that’s the Jersey shore the water is too blue and there’s no oil slicks or medical wastes floating in on it though that is undoubtedly a spot of Impish’s drool making that round spot on the camera lens.

Wednesday is Lethal’s birthday!

I would like to take this quick opportunity to wish a very happy birthday to a guy who has become one of my best friends even though we have never, ever met in real life.  To a guy who I’ve worked closer with than some of the people I work with day to day.  Dude, you’re the best.   

I ask all of you loyal readers to take this opportunity to wish our favorite Leprechaun a happy birthday.  My wish is for you to click the stars above to give it a rating and make a comment for him.  Let’s show him how much we wish him a great day!

Happy Birthday Pal!  And may you have many happy returns!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers

There has been a lot of discussion about pizza over the last several weeks.  Including a very nice dissertation by Lethal Leprechaun that was printed in the comments section and should be mandatory reading for anyone who thinks they know something about pizza.

Now, I do happen to know a little something about pizza, having run several pizza restaurants, been a training manager for one chain that at one time used to make the very best pizza in the business…at least my restaurants did, but has now given over to the dark side of being more concerned with making a buck than making a product you could be proud of.  I used to teach people how to make home-made dough from scratch, a sauce that you would die for, hand toss a crust for the lightest, crispiest, chewiest crust you could ever wrap your lips around and was recognized by said company as making the very best pizza in the country…so yeah.  I know a little bit about pizza.

Having said all that, I have to humbly say….

Man, this is really hard to do. 

I know I couldn’t force my throat to say these words out loud, but I really thought I would be able to write them…

I think…

Lethal Leprechaun…

was …

rrrrrrrrrr…..

(damn!)

rrrrrrrr…..

(shit!)

rrrriiiightttt!

Damn it.  He may have been right.  But I have to qualify that statement by saying, He may have been right when he said it’s more important to decide where bad pizza is and to find the best in the region you happen to be in. 

Yes, there’s something to be said for Chicago Style, Sicilian,  Pan Pizza, and even super thin crust.  I will chalk up my own personal opinion to the fact that I grew up in pizza heaven so my feelings may be a little tilted.  And we’ll leave it at that. 

Besides, we only got like three votes from you people so this topic probably isn’t as important to you as it seems to be to us.

On to other things.

I’m about out of time here before I have to give over my stage to the rest of the issue, but I wanted to bring up the fact that people have been commenting on Diaman’s picture so I thought I’d show you the picture of her tattoos of myself and Lethal that we had put on her while she was recovering.  So, here you go:

There you go Paul…and you said that I wouldn’t share!

LOL!

Let’s start today out with one of my favorite topics…tornadoes.  This video is from Russia.  Like all russian videos, it is filmed from a dash cam.  Probably a good idea he pulls out of his garage, and you’ll see why by the end.

So, this is an old one, but it made me laugh and that is the main requirement for inclusion in dragon laffs

You gotta love it when the truth comes out.

 

This next one is from my brother the Owl, again.  Thanks bro, you always pass on the best stuff!

 

 

And this one is from Papa Dragon Most Senior…aka…my Dad.  Thanks dad.
Empathy For A Homesick Snowbird

I was in Scottsdale , AZ the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:   ” I miss Chicago . ”

So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker  and left a note that read, “Hope this helps.”

 

Another family photo out of my album.  Children and women have always been our soft spots in our hearts.

 

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he says,menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY.  I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

 

What a great prank.  Dad and son and some toilet paper.

 

To a girl who couldn’t say “can’t” who is now a woman who still won’t give in.  What an uplifting video this next one is:

 

 

 

So, this is someone else’s rant…not mine.  But, he has been ranting in signs outside his place of business for quite some time.  But, has he gone too far this time?  I don’t think so, but my opinion has been well documented in these pages.  Here’s the story from Mad World News at http://madworldnews.com.  I’d love to know what you think.

Business Hangs Controversial Obama Sign, Did They Go Too Far This Time? 

Tactical Firearms in Katy, Texas has displayed many political messages on its outside marquee, but the latest seems to be more controversial than usual.

The weekly message is changed every Wednesday, and this week’s message is a question. In the wake of two American journalists being beheaded by ISIS militants, CEO Jeremy Alcede thinks it’s a fair question.

The sign reads: “Does one of Obama’s family members have to be beheaded for ‘change’ to happen?”

The marquee has been getting mixed reviews. KHOU reported that one area resident, Marco Romero, thinks that even though Alcede is exercising his right to free speech, the sign wording is in poor taste. At the same time, Shelly Dewey says that Alcede is taking a stand and saying what others are afraid to say.

Even though Alcede is facing a possible foreclosure, he vows to continue to exercise his First Amendment rights as long as his business remains open.

Here is a look at some of the messages he has put up in the past:

So, I’ll ask my first question one more time…has he gone too far this time?

 

 

 

 

And this issue’s vote for biggest GROANER of the issue goes to…

I do so ever apologize for that one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It doesn’t matter if you have a fear of bees or not.  This is one HELL of a Wasp’s Nest!!!!

 

 

 

 

As many of you know, I would say most of you by now, if you’ve been following along with the great pizza debate raging…okay, so maybe raging isn’t the best of words to use since very few of you have weighed in with your opinions…in the pages of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs.  Here is an incomplete list of New Jersey’s many wonders…

 

Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.

New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the “Diner Capital of the World.” 

New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam):
Taylor Ham or Pork Roll. 

Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions. 

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius. 

New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation’s most famous: 

Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May 

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along its coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals. 

Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production

Here’s to New Jersey – the toast of the country!

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located
in Elizabeth. Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first. 

New Jersey is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty
International .

George Washington slept there.

Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil,
led by General George Washington. 

The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.

New Jersey  also boasts the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport , NJ.

The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ. 

The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ

New Jersey was home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City . 

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its
playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City .

And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy.

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains .

New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City 

The Pulaski SkyWay, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

New Jersey built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).

The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace
of Frank Sinatra. 

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton). 

The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ, (but they’re all gone now!).

New Jersey is home to both of “NEW YORK’S” pro football teams!

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.

All New Jersey natives:

Corey Bale (Mayor of Baleville) Sal Martorano, Amy Joaquin, Jack Nicholson, Bruce 
Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Zack Braff,  Whitney Houston, Eddie Money,
Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T,
Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Brian Roselle, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore, Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Norman Schwarzkopf, Dave Thomas (Wendy’s), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and, of course, Francis Albert Sinatra!

The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the 2nd highest waterfall
on the East Coast of the US. 

You know you’re from Jersey when:

You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges.”

You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.

You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 A.M. 

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a “jug handle” is.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store. 

You know that the state isn’t all farmland. 

You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey–there’s the shore–and you don’t go “to the shore,” you go “down the shore.” And when you are there, you’re not “at the shore”; you are “down the shore.” 

You know how to properly negotiate a circle.

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only “New” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (try Mexico . . . York ..! . Hampshire–doesn’t work, does it?). 

You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich. 

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege. 

You don’t think “What exit?” is very funny. 

You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different.”
Yes they are! 

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton–that’s for out-of-staters. 

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar. 

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers. 

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony. 

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits. 

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall. 

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way. 

You weren’t raised in New Jersey–you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state. 

You remember the stores Korvette’s, Two Guys, Rickel’s, Channel, Bamberger’s and Orbach’s. 

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You’ve had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries. 

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February. 

And finally . . 

You’ve NEVER, NEVER NEVER, EVER pumped your own gas!

 

I thought you’d all like to see the new military patch for the next operation in the Arab Countries under the Obama Administration:
 

He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forward then backward, again and again.

 

 

The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny.

This is crazy.

Throughout the week, I picked out several articles to feature in my Last Word today.  Every time I’d pick one out, another one would pop up that was worse or I felt stronger about.  At one point I had seven different articles that I was going to try to balance together in one smooth essay…well, I couldn’t do it. 

There were so many different things that went on this week that involved both the Looney left and the supposed conservative right that I have no idea what to say other than I’m pissed off at ALL of them!!

Stop the friggin’ campaigning, stop the bullshit where all you are doing is stuff to stymie the other party and do the damn job we are paying you to do!!!! 

Folks, we need to vote every single one of these incompetents out of office.  EVERY ONE OF THEM!  And start over.  We need to do that in every election that comes up over the next ten years until we can the slate and get some people in there who are willing to work for the money we’re paying them.

Get your butts out there and vote folks.  That’s the only way we’re going to get anything changed.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Ok folks please grab it and park it please so we can get this show on the road. I’ve got 6 lengthy and some what touchy-feely essays to do of my Interpersonal Communications Class. Apparently my Professor thinks she’s the next Oprah and the key to good Interpersonal Communications is dredging up and sharing personal experiences from your past with a bunch of snot nosed kids and other assorted people you don’t know. Having to fabricate complete fantasies which satisfy the essay requirements is quite time consuming as my past is just that MINE and I’ll be the one to decide who I trust enough to bloody well share it with.

Moving on- there are 2 sort of house keeping announcements today but I’ve chosen the place them in the issue where they are likely to get more attention from you. You’ll know them and they come up as you’ll see me green comments and not be laughing, (at least I hope not).

Finally a word about today’s header and issue theme. Today is the 227th Anniversary of the signing of the U. S. Constitution.

On September 17, 1787, the U.S. Constitution was signed by thirty-nine brave men who changed the course of history. Now Constitution Day is a time for us to continue their legacy, develop habits of citizenship in a new generation of Americans and object the the hoards of illegal aliens flooding into and seeking to take over our country through sheer weight of numbers and financial drain on our economy.

OK that’s it if you kind folk will excuse me, I’m off to write about my personal life while attempting not to start out each essay with..”A long time ago when the Earth was green…”

 

 

Last Thursday marked the 13th Anniversary of the tragedy of the Terrorist Attack on the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and Heroes of Shanksville Pa. who’s courage and bravery saved the White House as well as the selfless sacrifice of those who lost their lives in the ensuing aftermath. Sadly due to somewhat hurriedly preparing these issues way in advance, as my work & school load permit, I missed the fact it was the day after my last issue, something I have considerable regret over.

This is a day that is permanently etched  deeply into my memory forever as it should be for every American who bore silent witness to the horror of that day. Sadly this is not so for those not directly effected or suffering a loss because of it the observances diminish with each passing year as memories fade or are ignored because they are uncomfortable in an attempt forget- something that must never be allowed.

When people ask why we wage a war on terror I point to Sept 11th and to beheaded Journalists and Aid Workers and respond because they declared war on us first and all that is needed for them to win is for those of good conscious to do nothing. The US is the lone candle holding back the darkness that is Fundamentalist Islamic Terrorism while the rest of the world chooses rather to simply curse the encroaching darkness. As American citizens we cannot just stand idly by while this happens. It goes against the  American  Patriotic/Citizenship Gene each one of us receives at birth as a legacy of those who came before and made this nation great by upholding the principles of the Founding Fathers set forth in our Constitution, which we celebrate the signing of today.

School House Rock – The Constitution

 

Unfortunately folks again this week we find ourselves gathered grave side

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FILE – In this Sept. 21, 2012 file photo, from left, Britt Ekland and Richard Kiel attend a photocall for the “Bond 50” anniversary in London. Kiel, the towering actor best known for portraying steel-toothed villain Jaws in a pair of James Bond films, has died. He was 74. (Photo by Jonathan Short/Invision/AP, file)

Richard Kiel, actor who played Bond villain ‘Jaws,’ dies

FRESNO, Calif. >> Richard Kiel, the towering actor best known for portraying steel-toothed villain Jaws in a pair of James Bond films, has died. He was 74.

Kelley Sanchez, director of communications at Saint Agnes Medical Center, confirmed Wednesday that Kiel was a patient at the hospital and died. Kiel’s agent, Steven Stevens, also confirmed his death. Both declined to provide further details.

The 7-foot-2-inch performer famously played the cable-chomping henchman who tussled with Roger Moore’s Bond in 1977’s “The Spy Who Loved Me” and 1979’s “Moonraker.” Bond quipped of the silent baddie: “His name’s Jaws. He kills people.”

Despite appearing in several other films and TV shows, such as “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” and “The Longest Yard,”  [Pale Rider w/ Clint Eastwood] the role of Jaws was an iconic one Kiel could never escape.

“To this day, I go out in sunglasses and a hat because people will shout ‘Hey, Jaws!’ at me from across the street,” he told the Daily Mail earlier this year. “The only way I can explain it is that he’s like the Road Runner, which Coyote keeps trying to blow up, but he keeps going.”

Kiel’s other memorable roles included bullying golf spectator Mr. Larson in “Happy Gilmore,” lethal Dr. Loveless’s assistant Voltaire in “The Wild, Wild West” and extraterrestrial Kanamit in “The Twilight Zone.” He also reprised the character of Jaws for several James Bond video games and voiced the thug Vlad in the animated Disney film “Tangled.”

Born in Detroit, Kiel began appearing in TV shows and films in the 1960s, debuting in an episode of the Western series “Laramie.” He published an autobiography in 2002 titled “Making It Big in the Movies.”

We the People (Constitution Song)

Impish called for votes via comments in his last issue to help settle the troubles his somewhat emphatic and overly definitive opinion on what the best pizza was caused him. I can’t say the response rate has risen even to the level of being underwhelming. While I too am guilty of not responding as yet I hope to be able to properly address the issue in the next day or so as soon as I can find 10 unspoken for minutes to collect and properly express my thoughts on the subject.

Just because you didn’t see the dark suits at today’s opening comments doesn’t mean they aren’t still around, it just means they annoyed the hell out of me by leaning about as far over the line of the rules of Accordance of Neutral Territory as they could get without actually toppling over in their attempts to get to Impish and rough him up/threaten him I MEAN present their case one too many times and I got tired of all the violence and collateral damage. [Read that last line as I blew my stack when someone opened up with a Thompson on my full freshly brewed urn of Brown Gold to emphasis he was in no mood to be told he and his couldn’t see Impish. Impish will be the first to tell you that a stackless Leprechaun is NOT something you ever want to see or experience as even some dragons become weak in the knees over the sight.]

Since these gentleman seem to have so much restless energy to burn and desired physical ways to express it, I’ve had what remained of their numbers after the Coffee Urn incident quartered over in the adjacent mountain where Ginny has talked Santa into building Impish’s giant fancy azzed practically a water park swimming pool/grotto in conjunction with our own indoor party center. Now they are working off all that restless energy in 16 hour a day shifts until such time as Impish is ready to finish his debate with them.

PLEASE take a moment to get register your vote and/or make your pizza thoughts known in the comments section or via mail to

so we can lay this thing to rest and get rid of these mob guy I MEAN pizza promoting factions and get back to what passes for normal around here ASAP!

Bacon-Powered Motorcycle

<Sniffling> God Bless American Innovation!

That bacon bike made me hungry! I’m still on a tailgating kick however since Molly is such a college football fan. I think if I could come up with tailgate food even for breakfast on Saturdays & Sundays she’d be happy. Here are 3 more easy to make sure to be a hit tailgating partying or anytime recipes.

Mini Muffin Philly Cheesesteak Bites

Ingredients

• 2 pounds ground sirloin (1 pound per muffin tin)
• 1 small yellow onion, finely chopped
• 1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
• 1 green bell pepper, finely chopped
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose biscuit mix
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 cups shredded provolone cheese, divided
• Salt and pepper
• Nonstick cooking spray

Serves 4-6 as a snack (fills 2 mini muffin tins)

Preparation

Pre-heat the oven to 400ºF. Put two mini muffin pans into the hot oven for a few minutes until hot.
While the mini muffin pan is pre-heating, prepare the Philly cheesesteak mixture.
In a medium size skillet over medium-high heat, brown the meat. Once brown, add the onion, peppers and Worcestershire sauce and cook for 1-2 minutes. Remove from the heat and cool.
In a medium size bowl, mix the biscuit mix, milk, cooled meat mixture and 1 1/2 cups of the cheese. Season with salt and pepper.
Pull the hot pan out of the oven and spray the muffin cups with the cooking spray. Use a small scoop to evenly scoop heaping scoopfuls of the biscuit mixture into all of the mini muffin cups. Top each scoop of mixture with a little sprinkle of the remaining cheese.
Bake for 15 minutes, or until golden on top.

 

Spinach Artichoke Potato Skins

Your favorite spinach-artichoke dip inside a potato skin. Touchdown!

Serves 6-8 snack-size servings

Ingredients

• 3 pounds Idaho potatoes 
• 1/4 cup white onion, small diced
• 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1 box frozen chopped spinach (10 ounces), defrosted and squeezed of excess water 
• 1 box frozen artichokes, defrosted, drained and finely chopped 
• 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 
• Zest of 1 lemon 
• 1/2 cup white cheddar cheese, divided
• 1/2 cup grated Parmigianino Reggiano cheese, divided 
• Salt and ground black pepper

Preparation

Pre-heat the oven to 400ºF.
Place the potatoes on a baking sheet and roast until tender, about 25-30 minutes. Remove and set aside until cool enough to touch. Cut each potato in half and scoop the insides out into a medium size mixing bowl. Place the skins, cut-sides up, back onto the baking sheet.
In a sauté pan, cook the onion and garlic until translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the spinach and season with salt and pepper. Place the softened cream cheese into the mixing bowl with the potato flesh. Add the spinach mixture, artichokes, lemon zest, 1/4 cup cheddar, 1/4 cup Parmigianino Reggiano, salt and ground black pepper to the mixing bowl and mix well.
With a small spoon, scoop the spinach-artichoke potatoes into the little potato skins. Top with the remaining Parmigianino and cheddar, and place back in the oven until the cheese is lightly browned, about 10 minutes.

I’ve made smaller ones for buffet lines out of the 3# bag of potatoes you get for including with clams in a steamer or crabs in a boil. You can even make one bite ones out of new or fingerling potatoes. I’ve even taken the filling added bacon to it and piped it into cleaned out Crimini mushrooms brushed the top w/ garlic butter and baked as a stuffed mushrooms.

Grab a seat Ginny and the rest of you dessert/ recipe fans!

CHOCOLATE CARAMEL CAKE BARS

 

 

Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes
Total Time: 1 hour, 30 minutes
Yield: 16-20 bars

 

 

 

Light and airy, with a decadent crumb and a hint or caramel, this chocolate caramel cake makes a great accompaniment to a cup of coffee in the afternoon or after dinner.

Ingredients

1/2 cup butter, room temperature
1 & 1/4 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup Greek yogurt
1/4 cup International delight caramel macchiato coffee creamer
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/s teaspoon salt
1 & 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

Icing
4 oz vanilla caramels
1 tablespoon International delight caramel macchiato coffee creamer
1. Heat the oven to 350°F. Line a  13×9”  baking pan with parchment paper. Set aside.
2. In a mixing bowl, add the butter and sugar. With the paddle attachment on, beat on low speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
3. Add eggs and vanilla, beat well.
4. Stir in the yogurt and coffee creamer.
5. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, cocoa, salt and baking soda. Gently fold the dry ingredients into the wet ones.
6. Pour the batter into prepared pan.
7. Bake 28-30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.
8. Remove from the oven and cool completely in pan on a wire rack.
9. Cut into 16 or 20 bars
10. To make the caramel icing, place the caramels and coffee creamer in a small saucepan and cook over low heat until melted.
11. Cool slightly and pour over the cake bars

Rights Rights Baby

 

DETROIT HS GRADUATION

A student who played HS football in Detroit (MI) was a great running back, but a very poor student. At graduation, he didn’t have enough credits. But he was such a great football star that the students held a rally & demanded the principal give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the principal agreed if Darqueeze could answer one question correctly, he would give him a diploma.

The one-question test was held in the auditorium & all the students packed the place. It was standing room only. The principal stood on the stage & told Darqueeze to come up. The principal had the diploma in his hand & he said, “Darqueeze, if you can answer this question correctly, I’ll give you
your diploma.”

Darqueeze said he was ready & the principal asked him the question.

“Darqueeze,” he asked, “How much is three times seven?”

The student looked up at the ceiling & then down at his shoes, just pondering the question.

The other students began chanting, “Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!”

Then Darqueeze held up his hand & the auditorium became silent.
He said, “I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one.”

A hush fell over the auditorium until all the students began another chant.

“Give him another chance! Give him another chance!”

Curley, Moe, Larry &The Fourth Stooge, Schmuck

God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood

 

 

Keep laughing Impish- I figure you got about 2 or 3 years until that’s you pal!

Diaman I’d like to thank you for posing for that picture!

‘

Constitution Day (or Citizenship Day) is an American federal observance that recognizes the adoption of the United States Constitution and those who have become U.S. citizens. It is normally observed on September 17, the day the U.S. Constitutional Convention signed the Constitution in 1787 in Philadelphia.

When Constitution Day falls on a weekend or on another holiday, schools and other institutions observe the holiday on an adjacent weekday. This was the case in 2005 and 2011, when Constitution Day was generally observed on Friday, September 16,and 2006 when the holiday was observed on Monday, September 18.

The law establishing the present holiday was created in 2004 with the passage of an amendment by Senator Robert Byrd to the Omnibus spending bill of 2004.[4] Before this law was enacted, the holiday was known as “Citizenship Day”. In addition to renaming the holiday “Constitution Day and Citizenship Day,” the act mandates that all publicly funded educational institutions, and all federal agencies, provide educational programming on the history of the American Constitution on that day. In May 2005, the United States Department of Education announced the enactment of this law and that it would apply to any school receiving federal funds of any kind. This holiday is not observed by granting time off work for federal employees.

On September 17, 1787, the U.S. Constitution was signed by thirty-nine brave men who changed the course of history. Now Constitution Day is a time for us to continue their legacy and develop habits of citizenship in a new generation of Americans.

Baldwin, Abraham, GA

Bassett, Richard, DE

Bedford, Gunning, Jr., DE

Blair, John, VA

Blount, William, NC

Brearley, David, NJ

Broom, Jacob, DE

Butler, Pierce, SC

Carroll, Daniel, MD

Clymer, George, PA

Dayton, Jonathan, NJ

Dickinson, John, DE

Few, William, GA

Fitzsimons, Thomas, PA

Franklin, Benjamin, PA

Gilman, Nicholas, NH

Gorham, Nathaniel, MA

Hamilton, Alexander, NY

Ingersoll, Jared, PA

Jefferson, Thomas, VA

Jenifer, Daniel St Thomas, MD

Johnson, William Samuel, CT

King, Rufus, MA

Langdon, John, NH

Livingston, William, NJ

Madison, James, VA

McHenry, James, MD

Mifflin, Thomas, PA

Morris, Gouverneur, PA

Morris, Robert, PA

Paterson, William, NJ

Pinckney, C. Cotesworth, SC

Pinckney, Charles, SC

Read, George, DE

Rutledge, John, SC

Sherman, Roger, CT

Spaight, Richard Dobbs, NC

Washington, George, VA

Williamson, Hugh, NC

• Wilson, James, PA

But what of these brave men who affixed their names and basically signed their own death warrants by doing so as traitors to the British Crown? We know they signed, some we know became our first Politicians and leaders of our fledgling democracy. There are many false stories about what became of these men so for the straight dope I went to Snopes.

In the waning years of their lengthy lives, former presidents (and Founding Fathers) John Adams and Thomas Jefferson reconciled the political differences that had separated them for many years and carried on a voluminous correspondence. One of the purposes behind their exchange of letters was to set the record straight regarding the events of the American Revolution, for as author Joseph J. Ellis noted, they (particularly Adams, whom history would not treat nearly as kindly as Jefferson) were keenly aware of the “distinction between history as experienced and history as remembered”:

Adams realized that the act of transforming the American Revolution into history placed a premium on selecting events and heroes that fit neatly into a dramatic formula, thereby distorting the more tangled and incoherent experience that participants actually making the history felt at the time. Jefferson’s drafting of the Declaration of Independence was a perfect example of such dramatic distortions. The Revolution in this romantic rendering became one magical moment of inspiration, leading inexorably to the foregone conclusion of American independence.

Evidently Adams was right: So great is our need for simplified, dramatic events and heroes that even the real-life biographies of the fifty-six men who risked their lives to publicly declare American independence are no longer compelling enough. Through multiple versions of pieces like the one quoted above, their lives have been repeatedly embellished with layers of fanciful fiction to make for a better story. As we often do, we’ll try here to strip away those accumulated layers of fiction and get down to whatever kernel of truth may lie underneath:

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors and tortured before they died.
It is true that five signers of the Declaration of Independence were captured by the British during the course of the Revolutionary War. However, none of them died while a prisoner, and four of them were taken into custody not because they were considered “traitors” due to their status as signatories to that document, but because they were captured as prisoners of war while actively engaged in military operations against the

British.
George Walton was captured after being wounded while commanding militia at the Battle of Savannah in December 1778, and Thomas Heyward, Jr., Arthur Middleton, and Edward Rutledge (three of the four Declaration of Independence signers from South Carolina) were taken prisoner at the Siege of Charleston in May in 1780. Although they endured the ill treatment typically afforded to prisoners of war during their captivity (prison conditions were quite deplorable at the time), they were not tortured, nor is there evidence that they were treated more harshly than other wartime prisoners who were not also signatories to the Declaration. Moreover, all four men were eventually exchanged or released; had they been considered traitors by the British, they would have been hanged.
Richard Stockton of New Jersey was the only signer taken prisoner specifically because of his status as a signatory to the Declaration, “dragged from his bed by night” by local Tories after he had evacuated his family from New Jersey, and imprisoned in New York City’s infamous Provost Jail like a common criminal.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.
It is true that a number of signers saw their homes and property occupied, ransacked, looted, and vandalized by the British (and even in some cases by the Americans). However, as we discuss in more detail below, this activity was a common part of warfare. Signers’ homes were not specifically targeted for destruction — like many other Americans, their property was subject to seizure when it fell along the path of a war being waged on the North American continent.

Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army, another had two sons captured.
Abraham Clark of New Jersey saw two of his sons captured by the British and incarcerated on the prison ship Jersey. John Witherspoon, also of New Jersey, saw his eldest son, James, killed in the Battle of Germantown in October 1777. If there was a second signer of the Declaration whose son was killed while serving in the Continental Army, we have yet to identify him.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.
This statement is quite misleading as phrased. Nine signers died during the course of the Revolutionary War, but none of them died from wounds or hardships inflicted on them by the British. (Indeed, several of the nine didn’t even take part in the war.) Only one signer, Button Gwinnett of Georgia, died from wounds, and those were received not at the hands of the British, but from a fellow officer with whom he dueled in May 1777.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.
Before the American Revolution, Carter Braxton was possessed of a considerable fortune through inheritance and favorable marriages. While still in his teens he inherited the family estate, which included a flourishing Virginia tobacco plantation, upon the death of his father. He married a wealthy heiress who died when he was just 21, and within a few years he had remarried, this time to the daughter of the Receiver of Customs in Virginia for the King. As a delegate representing Virginia in the Continental Congress in 1776, he was one of the minority of delegates reluctant to support an American declaration of independence, a move which he viewed at the time as too dangerous:

[Independence] is in truth a delusive Bait which men inconsiderably catch at, without knowing the hook to which it is affixed … America is too defenseless a State for the declaration, having no alliance with a naval Power nor as yet any Fleet of consequence of her own to protect that trade which is so essential to the prosecution of the War, without which I know we cannot go on much longer.

Braxton invested his wealth in commercial enterprises, particularly shipping, and he endured severe financial reversals during the Revolutionary War when many of the ships in which he held interest were either appropriated by the British government (because they were British-flagged) or were sunk or captured by the British. He was not personally targeted for ruin because he had signed the Declaration of Independence, however; he suffered grievous financial losses because most of his wealth was tied up in shipping, “that trade which is so essential to the prosecution of the War” and which was therefore a prime military target for the British. Even if he hadn’t signed the Declaration of Independence, Braxton’s ships would have been casualties of the war just the same.
Although Braxton did lose property during the war and had to sell off assets (primarily landholdings) to cover the debts incurred by the loss of his ships, he recouped much of that money after the war but subsequently lost it again through his own ill-advised business dealings. His fortune was considerably diminished in his later years, but he did not by any stretch of the imagination “die in rags.”

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.
As one biography describes Thomas McKean (not “McKeam”):

Thomas McKean might just represent an ideal study of how far political engagement can be carried by one man. One can scarcely believe the number of concurrent offices and duties this man performed during the course of his long career. He served three states and many more cities and county governments, often performing duties in two or more jurisdictions, even while engaged in federal office.

Among his many offices, McKean was a delegate to the Continental Congress (of which he later served as president), President of Delaware, Chief Justice of Pennsylvania, and Governor of Pennsylvania. The above-quoted statement regarding his being “hounded” by the British during the Revolutionary War is probably based upon a letter he wrote to his friend John Adams in 1777, in which he described how he had been “hunted like a fox by the enemy, compelled to remove my family five times in three months, and at last fixed them in a little log-house on the banks of the Susquehanna, but they were soon obliged to move again on account of the incursions of the Indians.”
However, it is problematic to assert that McKean’s treatment was due to his being a signer of the Declaration of Independence. (His name does not appear on printed copies of that document authenticated in January 1777, so it is likely he did not affix his name to it until later.) If he was targeted by the British, it was quite possibly because he also served in a military capacity as a volunteer leader of militia. In any case, McKean did not end up in “poverty,” as the estate he left behind when he died in 1817 was described as consisting of “stocks, bonds, and huge land tracts in Pennsylvania.”

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
First of all, this passage has a couple of misspellings: the signers referred to are William Ellery (not “Dillery”) and Edward Rutledge (not “Ruttledge”). Secondly, this sentence is misleading in that it implies a motive that was most likely not present (i.e., these men’s homes were looted because they had been signers of the Declaration of Independence).
The need to forage for supplies in enemy territory has long been a part of warfare, and so it was far from uncommon for British soldiers in the field to appropriate such material from private residences during the American Revolution. (Not only were homes used as sources of food, livestock, and other necessary supplies, but larger houses were also taken over and used to quarter soldiers or to serve as headquarters for officers.) In some cases, even American forces took advantage of the local citizenry to provision themselves. Given that many more prominent American revolutionaries who were also signers of the Declaration of Independence (e.g., Samuel Adams, John Hancock, Benjamin Franklin, James Wilson, Benjamin Rush, Robert Morris) had homes in areas that were occupied by the British during the war, yet those homes were not looted or vandalized, it’s hard to make the case that the men named above were specifically targeted for vengeance by the British rather than unfortunate victims whose property fell in the path of an armed conflict being waged on American soil.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.
The tale about Thomas Nelson’s urging or suggesting the bombardment of his own house is one of several Revolutionary War legends whose truth may never be known. Several versions of this story exist, one of which (as referenced above) holds that Nelson encouraged George Washington to shell his Yorktown home after British Major General Charles Cornwallis had taken it over to use as his headquarters in 1781:

Cornwallis had turned the home of Thomas Nelson, who had succeeded Jefferson as governor of Virginia, into his headquarters. Nelson, a signer of the Declaration of Independence, had led three Virginia brigades, or 3,000 men, to Yorktown and, when the shelling of the town was about to begin, urged Washington to bombard his own house. And that is where Washington, with his experienced surveyor’s eye, reputedly pointed the gun for the first (and singularly fatal) allied shot. Legend has it that the shell went right through a window and landed at the dinner table where some British officers, including the British commissary general, had just sat down to dine. The general was killed and several others wounded as it burst among their plates.

Other versions of the story have Nelson directing the Marquis de Lafayette to train French artillery on his home:

The story goes that the new Virginia Governor Thomas Nelson (who’d been held at Yorktown but released under a flag of truce) was with American forces that day. Lafayette invited Nelson to be present when Captain Thomas Machin’s battery first opened fire, as both a compliment and knowing Nelson lived in Yorktown and would know the localities in the riverport area. “To what particular spot,” Lafayette reportedly asked Nelson, “would your Excellency direct that we should point the cannon.” Nelson replied, “There, to that house. It is mine, and … it is the best one in the town. There you will be almost certain to find Lord Cornwallis and the British headquarters.”
“A simultaneous discharge of all the guns in the line,” Joseph Martin wrote, was “followed [by] French troops accompanying it with ‘Huzza for the Americans.'” Sounding much like the Nelson legend, Martin’s account added that “the first shell sent from our batteries entered an elegant house formerly owned or occupied by the Secretary of State under the British, and burned directly over a table surrounded by a large party of British officers at dinner, killing and wounding a number of them.”

Still other accounts maintain this legend is a conflation of two separate events: Thomas Nelson, acting as commander in chief of the Virginia militia, ordered a battery to open fire on his uncle’s home, where Cornwallis was then ensconced. Later, Nelson supposedly made a friendly bet with French artillerists in which he challenged them to hit his home, one of the more prominent landmarks in Yorktown.
Whatever the truth, the Nelson home was certainly not “destroyed” as claimed. The house stands to this day as part of Colonial National Historical Park, and the National Park Service’s description of it notes only that “the southeast face of the residence does show evidence of damage from cannon fire.”

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
Francis Lewis represented New York in the Continental Congress, and shortly after he signed the Declaration of Independence his Long Island estate was raided by the British, possibly as retaliation for his having been a signatory to that document. While Lewis was in Philadelphia attending to congressional matters, his wife was taken prisoner by the British after disregarding an order for citizens to evacuate Long Island. Mrs. Lewis was held for several months before being exchanged for the wives of British officials captured by the Americans. Although her captivity was undoubtedly a hardship, she had already been in poor health for some time and died a few years (not months) later.

John Hart was driven from his wife’s bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year, he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. A few weeks later, he died from exhaustion and a broken heart.
John Hart’s New Jersey farm was looted in the course of the Revolutionary War (possibly due his status as Speaker of the Assembly), and he did have to remain in hiding in nearby mountains for a short time, but the rest of the above passage is gross exaggeration. When the British overran the area of New Jersey where Hart resided in late November of 1776, he was not “driven from his [dying] wife’s bedside,” as his wife had already died several weeks earlier (and most of his thirteen children were adults by then). He certainly didn’t spend “more than a year” on the run living “in forests and caves,” as the Continental Army recaptured the area within a month (through General George Washington’s famous crossing of the Delaware River on Christmas night). Hart also did not die “from exhaustion and a broken heart” a mere “few weeks” after emerging from hiding — in 1778 he was re-elected to the New Jersey assembly, and he invited the American army to encamp on his New Jersey farmland in June 1778 before succumbing to kidney stones in May 1779.

Norris and Livingston suffered similar fates.
Lewis Morris (not Norris) indeed saw his Westchester County, New York, home taken over in 1776 and used as a barracks for soldiers, and the horses and livestock from his farm commandeered by military personnel, but he suffered those initial deprivations at the hands of the Continental Army, not the British. Shortly afterwards his property was appropriated, looted, and burned by the British when they occupied New York. (Morris and his wife were eventually able to reclaim their property and restore their home after the war.)
Philip Livingston lost several properties to the British occupation of New York and sold off others to support the war effort, and he did not recover them because he died suddenly in 1778, before the end of the war.
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/history/american/pricepaid.asp#bl9MrQKEp27GFW4v.99

 

As you round the compound that is DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises, you come across a brand new fence surrounding the campground area.  Patrolling along the fence are all manner of dragons.  Reds, greens, blues, silvers, golds, and some colors you’ve never seen before.  There are big dragons, small dragons, dragons that fly and dragons that swim.  As you approach the line forming at the only entrance to the campground, you see a smallish tough looking fairy standing at a large toadstool and checking each person in against a list she has on her cell phone.

Suddenly, the personnel gate transforms widens magically as a vehicle races through at top speed.  It’s so fast you can’t really tell what it is, but you do hear the strains of Bad To The Bone playing very loudly.  As it approaches the the campground it skids to a stop and Thor steps out first to hand out Diaman and Ginny.  Ginny pokes her head back in the door and blows a kiss to the driver while Thor helps Diaman to her lounger.  The muscle car spins in a donut and heads back out through the gate which quickly shrinks down to personnel size again.

As you enter the campground you can see a very special area set off to the side.  It’s set up into two separate areas that look just like a comfortable den set out in the campground.  You can see two very large red dragons watching the men in each of the two special areas.  The men are all dressed in dark suits, white shirts, plain ties, wingtip shoes and sunglasses.  They are being served coffee in very small cups by several punkish looking fairies that could be sisters to the one at the personnel gate.  They are busy flitting around, serving, sitting on laps and smiling at everyone.

As everyone gets checked in and sits down, with coffee, pastries, breakfast sandwiches, or what ever they like for an early breakfast, there is a huge roar in the distance.  You see a huge winged beast cross the sky in the early morning light.  Another roar rips the air as a terrible gout of flame leaps from the monsters mouth lighting the surrounding countryside in it’s brilliance.  An overwhelming fear permeates the campground and you feel like you should run, but you are too frozen in fear to move.  As quickly as the feeling comes upon you, it’s gone.  The monstrous creature disappears behind the tree line.  After a lud thump, you can see a form approaching from the woods.  You realize you recognize him as Impish approaches the slight rise in the campground where he normally starts things off.

Good Morning Campers

First of all, let me apologize for the confusion and extra security this morning.  It seems some comments I made last week have ruffled some feathers and it’s time to set some records straight.  But, more about that later.  First, I’d like to make a couple of housekeeping type comments.

Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes to my littlest dragon, Izzy.  She is now officially a teenager and the only babies I have left now to bounce on my knee are those of my grandchildren.  Yes, dragons are very long lived and I have kids old enough to have kids as well as a little one of my own still at home.  Now that she is a teenager, I’ll have to start teaching her about her dragon heritage and help her in her first changes.

See, something that isn’t very well known is that dragons usually have at least two different forms they can take.  In my case it’s 3.  There is the little blue guy that you are all used to seeing that I’m wearing now.  This is my favorite form because it allows me to interact in the human world while still retaining my dragon magic and form.  Dragons are VERY magical creatures…with very tough hides that protect us from almost every non-magical weapon imagined and most of the magical ones as well.  There are some things that can do a lot of damage to us, that Lethal seems to have cornered the market on, but I’ll no go into that here, nor will I share my other magical abilities with you at this point, but I’m sure if you’ve been paying attention to the blog for any length of time, you probably have figured some of them out.

My second form is human and I’ll not show you that one, although Lethal did catch and show a picture of me in his last issue.  I need to have one form that I can be anonymous in so as to interact without drawing attention to myself.

My third form is my true blue dragon form.  You may have noticed my entrance earlier.  I’m sorry if my inborn dragon fear frightened you.  My entrance was not for you, but for our special guests who you see in the leather furniture over there.  You see, when I expressed my opinion that New Jersey pizza was the best in the world, I suppose I may have been a little forceful in my opinion.  It seems that the gentlemen over there, representing the families…I’m sorry … the pizza coalitions of Chicago and California took offence to ME expressing MY opinion in MY ezine.  They actually threatened physical harm to me Impish laughs at this point in a deep friendly laugh and then wipes tears from his eyes.   I’m sorry.  As if the likes of them could hurt the likes of me in my full form.

Anyway, Lethal had to actually apply for and get granted Sellie Accord status to not only our buildings and properties, but all the surrounding land in order for them to behave themselves.  This is now neutral ground and neither side can cause harm, intentional or accidental, while on these properties.

When the dragons who follow me found out about it, they insisted on coming to today’s presentation.  The only way I could get them to promise not to cause trouble was to assign them duties.  That  is why there are four of them guarding the two groups and all the dragons patrolling the perimeter.  These are my friends who feel they owe me enough good will that they wanted to be here.

You’ll also notice that the fairies are here, they too wanted to be here, but for different reasons.  See, they heard that there was going to be pizza and they wanted in.  I did promise them some pizza, but there is always enough of that around here to satisfy most everyone.

Lethal was a bit…reticent to accept my qualifications as a pizza expert.  But, I will tell you that I’ve had pizza from east coast to west coast, north to south and all over the world.  I’ve eaten German, Spanish, French, Italian and even Belgium pizza, as well as places I can’t even pronounce.  But, he still believes that I don’t have the qualifications to make a decision.  But, that’s alright, I’m a good guy.  I’ll let you decide.

 Okay, I really thought that I could add a poll here, but I guess I don’t know enough about wordpress to do that.  So instead, you’ll have to use the comments section to cast your vote for the best pizza.  Please let us know in the comments if you think that the best pizza comes from:
The East Coast (New Jersey type pizza)
The West Coast
Chicago
Somewhere else.

Please feel free to expound on your choices and we’ll talk about the results next week.

Until then…

We gotta start with this one from my brother the Owl…
Why the hate?

You guys know that this is right up my alley.  So, I couldn’t help but present this to you here:

How about a pictorial called, Fun with Statues! Thanks to our own Jersey Girl for this one.  Some of them we’ve seen before but most of them seem to be new.

I’m still laughing at these.  They were great!

Didn’t I tell you how much dragons love to be read to?  Daiman and I spending some time together.

Dr. James D. Manning on Obama!

Written by chuck on September 20, 2013 – 4:12 pm – 

Watch it closely and pay attention to the end where there is a short pause, then 4 words. Listen for those words! It could not be put more bluntly! Be prepared!!

I’m tellin’ ya, it’s only 44 seconds – Priceless.

(A white guy could NOT say this.)

Impish Dragon walks back up to the microphone, taps it several times to get your attention and says, “I wish to make a quick announcement.  We just learned that Lethal Leprechaun’s Law Offices of Dewy, Cheetum and Howe, have just acquired a new law office to add to the fold.  Making his the 3rd largest legal conglomeration in the country.  Congratulations Lethal.  Can I get a round of applause for our dear friend?”

A loud applause ripples through the campground as one young pundit in the back yells out, “What kind of law office is it?”

“That’s a great questions…

Are there any other questions?”

Thanks to Dad for this one…

 

Yeah, I believe about half of those….but I believe that the world is just crazy enough for them all to be true.  So what does that make me? 

Today’s Last Word is all in pictures.  Yes, I know, but basically I’m just worn to out so I can be lazy.  LOL!