Dragon Laffs #1402


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As you round the compound that is DL&LL Electronic Media Enterprises, you come across a brand new fence surrounding the campground area.  Patrolling along the fence are all manner of dragons.  Reds, greens, blues, silvers, golds, and some colors you’ve never seen before.  There are big dragons, small dragons, dragons that fly and dragons that swim.  As you approach the line forming at the only entrance to the campground, you see a smallish tough looking fairy standing at a large toadstool and checking each person in against a list she has on her cell phone.
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Suddenly, the personnel gate transforms widens magically as a vehicle races through at top speed.  It’s so fast you can’t really tell what it is, but you do hear the strains of Bad To The Bone playing very loudly.  As it approaches the the campground it skids to a stop and Thor steps out first to hand out Diaman and Ginny.  Ginny pokes her head back in the door and blows a kiss to the driver while Thor helps Diaman to her lounger.  The muscle car spins in a donut and heads back out through the gate which quickly shrinks down to personnel size again.

As you enter the campground you can see a very special area set off to the side.  It’s set up into two separate areas that look just like a comfortable den set out in the campground.  You can see two very large red dragons watching the men in each of the two special areas.  The men are all dressed in dark suits, white shirts, plain ties, wingtip shoes and sunglasses.  They are being served coffee in very small cups by several punkish looking fairies that could be sisters to the one at the personnel gate.  They are busy flitting around, serving, sitting on laps and smiling at everyone.

As everyone gets checked in and sits down, with coffee, pastries, breakfast sandwiches, or what ever they like for an early breakfast, there is a huge roar in the distance.  You see a huge winged beast cross the sky in the early morning light.  Another roar rips the air as a terrible gout of flame leaps from the monsters mouth lighting the surrounding countryside in it’s brilliance.  An overwhelming fear permeates the campground and you feel like you should run, but you are too frozen in fear to move.  As quickly as the feeling comes upon you, it’s gone.  The monstrous creature disappears behind the tree line.  After a lud thump, you can see a form approaching from the woods.  You realize you recognize him as Impish approaches the slight rise in the campground where he normally starts things off.

Good Morning Campers

First of all, let me apologize for the confusion and extra security this morning.  It seems some comments I made last week have ruffled some feathers and it’s time to set some records straight.  But, more about that later.  First, I’d like to make a couple of housekeeping type comments.

Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes to my littlest dragon, Izzy.  She is now officially a teenager and the only babies I have left now to bounce on my knee are those of my grandchildren.  Yes, dragons are very long lived and I have kids old enough to have kids as well as a little one of my own still at home.  Now that she is a teenager, I’ll have to start teaching her about her dragon heritage and help her in her first Young thug dragon (3)changes.

See, something that isn’t very well known is that dragons usually have at least two different forms they can take.  In my case it’s 3.  There is the little blue guy that you are all used to seeing that I’m wearing now.  This is my favorite form because it allows me to interact in the human world while still retaining my dragon magic and form.  Dragons are VERY magical creatures…with very tough hides that protect us from almost every non-magical weapon imagined and most of the magical ones as well.  There are some things that can do a lot of damage to us, that Lethal seems to have cornered the market on, but I’ll no go into that here, nor will I share my other magical abilities with you at this point, but I’m sure if you’ve been paying attention to the blog for any length of time, you probably have figured some of them out.

My second form is human and I’ll not show you that one, although Lethal did catch and show a picture of me in his last issue.  I need to have one form that I can be anonymous in so as to interact without drawing attention to myself.

My third form is my true blue dragon form.  You may have noticed my entrance earlier.  I’m sorry if my inborn dragon fear frightened you.  My entrance was not for you, but for our special guests who you see in the leather furniture over there.  You see, when I expressed my opinion that New Jersey pizza was the best in the world, I suppose I may have been a little forceful in my opinion.  It seems that the gentlemen over there, representing the families…I’m sorry … the pizza coalitions of Chicago and California took offence to ME expressing MY opinion in MY ezine.  They actually threatened physical harm to me Impish laughs at this point in a deep friendly laugh and then wipes tears from his eyes.   I’m sorry.  As if the likes of them could hurt the likes of me in my full form.

Anyway, Lethal had to actually apply for and get granted Sellie Accord status to not only our buildings and properties, but all the surrounding land in order for them to behave themselves.  This is now neutral ground and neither side can cause harm, intentional or accidental, while on these properties.

When the dragons who follow me found out about it, they insisted on coming to today’s presentation.  The only way I could get them to promise not to cause trouble was to assign them duties.  That  is why there are four of them guarding the two groups and all the dragons patrolling the perimeter.  These are my friends who feel they owe me enough good will that they wanted to be here.

You’ll also notice that the fairies are here, they too wanted to be here, but for different reasons.  See, they heard that there was going to be pizza and they wanted in.  I did promise them some pizza, but there is always enough of that around here to satisfy most everyone.

Lethal was a bit…reticent to accept my qualifications as a pizza expert.  But, I will tell you that I’ve had pizza from east coast to west coast, north to south and all over the world.  I’ve eaten German, Spanish, French, Italian and even Belgium pizza, as well as places I can’t even pronounce.  But, he still believes that I don’t have the qualifications to make a decision.  But, that’s alright, I’m a good guy.  I’ll let you decide.

 Okay, I really thought that I could add a poll here, but I guess I don’t know enough about wordpress to do that.  So instead, you’ll have to use the comments section to cast your vote for the best pizza.  Please let us know in the comments if you think that the best pizza comes from:
The East Coast (New Jersey type pizza)
The West Coast
Chicago
Somewhere else.

Please feel free to expound on your choices and we’ll talk about the results next week.

Until then…

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We gotta start with this one from my brother the Owl…
Why the hate?
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You guys know that this is right up my alley.  So, I couldn’t help but present this to you here:

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How about a pictorial called, Fun with Statues! Thanks to our own Jersey Girl for this one.  Some of them we’ve seen before but most of them seem to be new.
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I’m still laughing at these.  They were great!

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Didn’t I tell you how much dragons love to be read to?  Daiman and I spending some time together.

Dr. James D. Manning on Obama!

Written by chuck on September 20, 2013 – 4:12 pm  

Watch it closely and pay attention to the end where there is a short pause, then 4 words. Listen for those words! It could not be put more bluntly! Be prepared!!

I’m tellin’ ya, it’s only 44 seconds – Priceless.

(A white guy could NOT say this.)

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A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, “Who in here has been screwing my wife?”

 
A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, “You need more ammo!”

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Impish Dragon walks back up to the microphone, taps it several times to get your attention and says, “I wish to make a quick announcement.  We just learned that Lethal Leprechaun’s Law Offices of Dewy, Cheetum and Howe, have just acquired a new law office to add to the fold.  Making his the 3rd largest legal conglomeration in the country.  Congratulations Lethal.  Can I get a round of applause for our dear friend?”

A loud applause ripples through the campground as one young pundit in the back yells out, “What kind of law office is it?”

“That’s a great questions…

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Are there any other questions?”

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Thanks to Dad for this one…

 

Smart kid – STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
 
I would have given him 100%! Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too. The teacher had no sense of humor.
 
Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* His last battle
 
Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
 
* At the bottom of the page
 
Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?
 
* Liquid
 
Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?
 
* Marriage
 
Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?
 
* Exams
 
Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?
 
* Lunch & dinner
 
Q7.. What looks like half an apple?
 
* The other half
 
Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
 
* Wet
 
Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
 
* No problem, he sleeps at night.
 
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
 
* You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
 
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands
 
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
 
* No time at all, the wall is already built.
 
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
* Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
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Motivate

if

science

Seniors

WHISKEY

YES IT IS

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Yeah, I believe about half of those….but I believe that the world is just crazy enough for them all to be true.  So what does that make me? 

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Today’s Last Word is all in pictures.  Yes, I know, but basically I’m just worn to out so I can be lazy.  LOL!

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cheers3

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1402

  1. just says:

    gots to be Chicago style for my taste on the pizza

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Lethal Talks Pizza-

      “Pizza is a lot like sex. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad? It’s still pretty good. And when it’s God awful, you find you can’t stop screaming, and it takes years for the nightmares to finally stop.”

      For me pizza isn’t about what region/style is the best and who in a particular serves the best pie in that region.

      I grew up in New England eating (allegedly) New York style pizza which seems to be predominantly made by Greeks. Go figure. My favorite NY style pizza doesn’t actually come from NYC or Jersey (where some of the pizzas I’ll mention later should be stored with the other chemical & hazardous wastes) or even the coast of Connecticut which is largely a bedroom community for those who work in NY but prefer living ‘in the country” (to say nothing of saner real estate prices!). My favorite NYC style comes from the NW area of Connecticut and is made in the backroom kitchen of a semi dive bar that hasn’t been remodeled or updated since I was old enough to start going in with my Dad to pick the pizza up. They don’t do boxes, they still use the cardboard round and paper bag system. The sauce recipe is actually listed as an asset of the business and sold with the business. When you buy it you have to agree not to divulge it or market it other than on the food there.

      However this isn’t to say that like Impish narrow minded epicurean PoV I consider this the best pizza period, full stop, end of discussion- the rest of you are all wrong. Conversely I find each region/styles pizza has something to be appreciated and enjoyed. I think that the discussion is in fact bassackwards and completely upside down.

        The discussion shouldn’t be about who has the best pizza

      but rather where the WORST pizza exists and the pizza should be avoided at all costs, or at least not ordered unless you’ve actually laid eyes on one and find the appearance and smell at least acceptable.

      Prime example- in the mid 1980s I wound up out in Denver, Colorado which is a short car ride from Colorado Springs and the US Air Force Academy. We arrived in Denver after a 5 hour flight late in the afternoon after a very full day and were shuttled nearly an hour to our hotel. By the time we got checked in and sorted out sleeping arrangements over a couple complementary happy hour drinks we learned that due to the altitude each one felt like 2. This meant we were only interested in getting to our rooms and crashing but that stomachs still had to be accommodated. We did what any bunch of hungry single males would do in a strange town and not wanting to explore an area for food. We opened the Yellow pages and turned to Pizza. We zeroed in on one ad in particular that advertised NY Style Pizza and decided that it represented the smart call. 2 Extra Large with sausage Mushroom Pepperoni and peppers were soon ordered and arrived. What we found when we opened the box was probably the absolute worst non chain pizza I have ever consumed w/in the Centennial US.

        EVERYTHING

      had been run through the meat grinder on fine and appeared atop the cheese layer like a crumb topping on an apple pie. Add to this a limp soggy thing crust that even folded failed to allow for eating and requiring that you preform the ultimate pizza profanity- eat it with knife and fork and you begin to see my point here. LESSON ONE when in a strange city and forced to order delivery pizza go with the Nation Chains. There pizza is generally pretty consistent across the country. DO NOT order pizza in a strange town unless you can see and smell it first.

      Lethal’s List of worst pizzas in the US:

        Chains:

      1.) McDonalds (thankfully this ill-advised experiment failed epically and swiftly)

      2.) Schlotzsky’s Deli – sandwich places shouldn’t be allowed to make pizza as Smokey BBQ Pizza proves definatively- especially when Pinapple Jalipino salsa is a topping option

      3.) Little Caesar’s / Cici’s – LC’s pizza is inconsistent even within a single location and is made with poor quality ingredient. Cici’s uses the if it fits and doesn’t sound revolting at first read its a pizza topping philosophy ad I swear a key dough ingredient for them is Bisquick. Now I use Bisquick for many things but pizza dough is never one of them.

      Worst US cities:

      1.) Denver for reasons already explained. The second worst possible pizza sin (the first being forcing the eating of pizza with knife and fork) is claiming to be ‘authentic _______ style’ and lying your crust off about it. IMHO it’s these people the NYC Pizza faction should be devoting to hunting down.

      2.) St. Louis – St Louis style pizza involves a yeast less dough which reminds me of the cracker like crust of the ill conceived McDonald’s Pizza. When in St Lou ignore the pizza stick to the ribs.

      3.) Cleveland all pizzas go in the oven as lightly cheesed pizzas. When the come out your choice of toppings and the rest of the cheese are then sprinkled cold over the hot pie.

      4.) ANY place in California – what those yuppies and surfers have done to pizzas is an infamia and makes me pray the big one hits soon and sinks California like Atlantis before this pizza disease can spread! (Apologies to Diaman)

      Worst Countries for Pizza

      1. (Tie) Japan – unless you can find an Expat American making American style pizza (your best bet is near a US military or State Department installation) avoid pizza in Japan AT ALL COSTS. Just like Asian find our versions of their foods bear little if any resemblance to the same dishes (assuming that actually exist) back home the same holds true of pizza here, only more so. Remember the Japanese have a reputation for taking other cultures cuisine and giving it a strange (even by Japanese standards) twist. Also you might want to keep that skeptical eyebrow in check with the realization that this is the same place where Eel and Octopus are ice cream flavors and much sought after in season.

      1.) (Tie) India The flour is made from ground dried Chic peas and nearly cracker like in consistancy. It’s totally vegetarian and changes by the day and what ever the cook has by way of veggies. There is always a heavy layer of shredded greens (type known) atop the toppings but under the cheese (cheese is top layer) The cheese is Feta and I think there might have been tofu in there as well.

      2.) Brazil Brazilians make and eat 1.4 million pizzas every day, but even with all that practice they still do shit like put chocolate on it. No we are NOT talking dessert pizzas either!

      3.) Chile – unless shredded ham atop stewed tomatoes pineapple and maraschino cherries is your idea of pizza

      4.) Argentina – arguably there are 3 key ingredients to the foundation of a good pizza. A dough with a good chew consistency and flavor, a sauce with just the right amounts of fresh acidic bite and spices and really good cheese. Mess up any of these and regardless your pizza isn’t going to cut it. Argentina raises some of the best beef cattle in the world. Unfortunately about all they know about what to do with cow’s milk is put it in coffee or make butter with it. Their cheese is terrible. It tastes terrible-I’ve heard it’s flavor described as that of year old butter that was left open in your fridge. It’s gloppy and oozes ….some form of liquid making the entire pizza gross and inedible.

      I’d like to think I’ve successfully demonstrated its far more important to worry about where you might get a bad pizza than what the best style pizza is or where it is too be found. Life is just too short to squander a meal on bad pizza!

  2. Ginny says:

    My vote is East Coast Pizza…that’s me voting for NJ pizza, it’s my opinion and you as the owner of
    Dragon Laffs can say what ever the hell you want! I’m not seeing many votes or opinions as you asked. I’m sure sometimes you feel like you are talking to a brick wall. I just loved the video of Dr. James Manning speaking of Obama….haven’t laughed like that in a long time and then your follow up of Obaba wearing a Bomber Jacket. You made my day a little brighter with laughter.

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    Not only did I manage to catch a photo of you in your idenity protected human form but I did it whie keeping your face obscured AND while simultainiously capturing your best side! I shoud have been one of them photographers to the mighty and famous! Nah…I make more money now using the ones I DO take for blackmail!

    • impishdragon says:

      It was truly a great photographic feat! You did get my best side as any of the women in my life will tell you, as I’m sure you and most of the other men who saw the picture won’t. But, that’s alright. I know where my bread is buttered.

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