Dragon Laffs #1403


header94
Good Morning Campers

There has been a lot of discussion about pizza over the last several weeks.  Including a very nice dissertation by Lethal Leprechaun that was printed in the comments section and should be mandatory reading for anyone who thinks they know something about pizza.

Now, I do happen to know a little something about pizza, having run several pizza restaurants, been a training manager for one chain that at one time used to make the very best pizza in the business…at least my restaurants did, but has now given over to the dark side of being more concerned with making a buck than making a product you could be proud of.  I used to teach people how to make home-made dough from scratch, a sauce that you would die for, hand toss a crust for the lightest, crispiest, chewiest crust you could ever wrap your lips around and was recognized by said company as making the very best pizza in the country…so yeah.  I know a little bit about pizza.

Having said all that, I have to humbly say….

Man, this is really hard to do. 

I know I couldn’t force my throat to say these words out loud, but I really thought I would be able to write them…

I think…

Lethal Leprechaun…

was …

rrrrrrrrrr…..

(damn!)

rrrrrrrr…..

(shit!)

rrrriiiightttt!

Damn it.  He may have been right.  But I have to qualify that statement by saying, He may have been right when he said it’s more important to decide where bad pizza is and to find the best in the region you happen to be in. 

Yes, there’s something to be said for Chicago Style, Sicilian,  Pan Pizza, and even super thin crust.  I will chalk up my own personal opinion to the fact that I grew up in pizza heaven so my feelings may be a little tilted.  And we’ll leave it at that. 

Besides, we only got like three votes from you people so this topic probably isn’t as important to you as it seems to be to us.

On to other things.

I’m about out of time here before I have to give over my stage to the rest of the issue, but I wanted to bring up the fact that people have been commenting on Diaman’s picture so I thought I’d show you the picture of her tattoos of myself and Lethal that we had put on her while she was recovering.  So, here you go:
6e

There you go Paul…and you said that I wouldn’t share!

LOL!

coollogo_com-250873108

Let’s start today out with one of my favorite topics…tornadoes.  This video is from Russia.  Like all russian videos, it is filmed from a dash cam.  Probably a good idea he pulls out of his garage, and you’ll see why by the end.

So, this is an old one, but it made me laugh and that is the main requirement for inclusion in dragon laffs

In the hospital where a family member lay gravely ill, the relatives gathered in the waiting room.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain.”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, “How much will a brain cost?”
The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a Democrat’s brain; $200 for a Republican’s brain.”
The moment turned awkward. Some of the Democrats actually had to try not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the Republicans.
A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the Democrat’s brain so much more than a Republican’s brain?”
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the Republicans’ brains a lot lower because they’re used.”

You gotta love it when the truth comes out.

 

This next one is from my brother the Owl, again.  Thanks bro, you always pass on the best stuff!

5a

 

 

And this one is from Papa Dragon Most Senior…aka…my Dad.  Thanks dad.
Empathy For A Homesick Snowbird

I was in Scottsdale , AZ the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:   ” I miss Chicago . ”

So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the tires, added an Obama bumper sticker  and left a note that read, “Hope this helps.”

 

coollogo_com-14712642

c6

Another family photo out of my album.  Children and women have always been our soft spots in our hearts.

 

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, 5Dtrouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he says,menacingly, as I burst into tears. “Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY.  I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

 
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say.  “I’m a complete failure.  I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.  When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance.  I left my wallet in the cab I took home.  I found my wife with another man… and then my dog bit me. 

So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!
 
But, hell, enough about me.  How are you doing?”
 

1053

 

What a great prank.  Dad and son and some toilet paper.

 

To a girl who couldn’t say “can’t” who is now a woman who still won’t give in.  What an uplifting video this next one is:

 

Fantasy Pic Green

c3

 

 

So, this is someone else’s rant…not mine.  But, he has been ranting in signs outside his place of business for quite some time.  But, has he gone too far this time?  I don’t think so, but my opinion has been well documented in these pages.  Here’s the story from Mad World News at http://madworldnews.com.  I’d love to know what you think.

Business Hangs Controversial Obama Sign, Did They Go Too Far This Time? 

Tactical Firearms in Katy, Texas has displayed many political messages on its outside marquee, but the latest seems to be more controversial than usual.

7g

The weekly message is changed every Wednesday, and this week’s message is a question. In the wake of two American journalists being beheaded by ISIS militants, CEO Jeremy Alcede thinks it’s a fair question.

The sign reads: “Does one of Obama’s family members have to be beheaded for ‘change’ to happen?”7

The marquee has been getting mixed reviews. KHOU reported that one area resident, Marco Romero, thinks that even though Alcede is exercising his right to free speech, the sign wording is in poor taste. At the same time, Shelly Dewey says that Alcede is taking a stand and saying what others are afraid to say.

Even though Alcede is facing a possible foreclosure, he vows to continue to exercise his First Amendment rights as long as his business remains open.

Here is a look at some of the messages he has put up in the past:7a

7b

7c

7d

7e

7f

So, I’ll ask my first question one more time…has he gone too far this time?

 

5c

 

 

 

Groaner warning

And this issue’s vote for biggest GROANER of the issue goes to…

5e

I do so ever apologize for that one.

 

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: “Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”
“Is that you, Frank?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.

“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”
“No — I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona!5

 

 

 

 

 

It doesn’t matter if you have a fear of bees or not.  This is one HELL of a Wasp’s Nest!!!!

A little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

 
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks, “Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”
 
“NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
 
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks, “Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”
 
“NO!” says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
 
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says, “Okay kid, my last offer! I’ll give you 20 bucks and a big bag of candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride.”
 
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and screams out… “Look, Dad!  You’re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley …YOU RIDE IT!”

motorcycle17

 

 

coollogo_com-10158421

a1

a2

a3

a4

a5

 

 

As many of you know, I would say most of you by now, if you’ve been following along with the great pizza debate raging…okay, so maybe raging isn’t the best of words to use since very few of you have weighed in with your opinions…in the pages of Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs.  Here is an incomplete list of New Jersey’s many wonders…

 

New Jersey is a peninsula. 

Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.

New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the “Diner Capital of the World.” 

New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam):
Taylor Ham or Pork Roll. 

Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions. 

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius. 

New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation’s most famous: 

Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May 

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along its coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals. 

Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production

Here’s to New Jersey – the toast of the country!

In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.

New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located
in Elizabeth. 
Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first. 

New Jersey is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty
International .

George Washington slept there.

Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil,
led by General George Washington. 

The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.

New Jersey  also boasts the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport , NJ.

The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ. 

The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ

New Jersey was home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City . 

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its
playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City .


And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy.

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains .

New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City 

The Pulaski SkyWay, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

New Jersey built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).

The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace
of Frank Sinatra. 

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton). 

The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ, (but they’re all gone now!).

New Jersey is home to both of “NEW YORK’S” pro football teams!

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.

All New Jersey natives:

Corey Bale (Mayor of Baleville) Sal Martorano, Amy Joaquin, Jack Nicholson, Bruce 
Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Zack Braff,  Whitney Houston, Eddie Money,
Linda
 
McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T,
Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Brian Roselle, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore, Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Norman Schwarzkopf, Dave Thomas (Wendy’s), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and, of course, Francis Albert Sinatra!


The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the 2nd highest waterfall
on the East Coast of the US. 

You know you’re from Jersey when:

You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges.”

You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.

You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 A.M. 

You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery.

At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.

You know what a “jug handle” is.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store. 

You know that the state isn’t all farmland. 

You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey–there’s the shore–and you don’t go “to the shore,” you go “down the shore.” And when you are there, you’re not “at the shore”; you are “down the shore.” 

You know how to properly negotiate a circle.

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only “New” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (try Mexico . . . York ..! . Hampshire–doesn’t work, does it?). 

You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich. 

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege. 

You don’t think “What exit?” is very funny. 

You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different.”
Yes they are! 

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton–that’s for out-of-staters. 

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar. 

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers. 

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony. 

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits. 

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall. 

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way. 

You weren’t raised in New Jersey–you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey.

You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state. 

You remember the stores Korvette’s, Two Guys, Rickel’s, Channel, Bamberger’s and Orbach’s. 

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You’ve had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries. 

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February. 

And finally . . 

You’ve NEVER, NEVER NEVER, EVER pumped your own gas!

Thanks to the Jersey Girl Ginny for this list.  And I haven’t actually lived in Jersey in more than 37 years, I still consider myself a Jersey Boy, I still have the accent when I get angry or excited and the list above, from my experience, is about as accurate as can be.
5h

 

I thought you’d all like to see the new military patch for the next operation in the Arab Countries under the Obama Administration:
5l 

He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards then backwards, forward then backward, again and again.

Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, a little to the right, a little to the left, she could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end. Her heart was pounding, her face was flushed, she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
 
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, “OK, OK, so I can’t parallel park, you smug SOB. You Do It !

Generosity

genetic engineering

Genius

Genres

German Girls

 

 

The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny.

 
Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it.
 
The children took the news of Danny’s imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, “He’s been around here a long time. We’ll miss him.”
 
“Yes,” Mom replied, “But he’s too much work for one person, and since I’m that one person, I say he goes.”
 
Another child offered, “Well, maybe if he wouldn’t eat so much and wouldn’t be so messy, we could keep him.”
 
But Mom was firm. “It’s time to take Danny to his new home now,” she insisted. “Go and get his cage.”
 
With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, “His cage?! Oh, no! Danny?!! We thought you said Daddy!”
5i

4a

5j

1054

1056

coollogo_com-9566296

This is crazy.

Throughout the week, I picked out several articles to feature in my Last Word today.  Every time I’d pick one out, another one would pop up that was worse or I felt stronger about.  At one point I had seven different articles that I was going to try to balance together in one smooth essay…well, I couldn’t do it. 

There were so many different things that went on this week that involved both the Looney left and the supposed conservative right that I have no idea what to say other than I’m pissed off at ALL of them!!

Stop the friggin’ campaigning, stop the bullshit where all you are doing is stuff to stymie the other party and do the damn job we are paying you to do!!!! 

Folks, we need to vote every single one of these incompetents out of office.  EVERY ONE OF THEM!  And start over.  We need to do that in every election that comes up over the next ten years until we can the slate and get some people in there who are willing to work for the money we’re paying them.

Get your butts out there and vote folks.  That’s the only way we’re going to get anything changed.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1403

  1. paul says:

    I think it’s a fair question – but considering where his brother lives and he doesn’t seem
    inclined to help – i doubt that a beheading would help him —

  2. I believe Shaquille O’Neal was born in Hartford, CT. just’ sayin’…from CT girl

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Sorry Laurie but-
      Shaquille O’Neal
      Basketball player
      Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal, Ed.D., nicknamed Shaq, is an American retired basketball player, former rapper, actor and current analyst on the television program Inside the NBA. Wikipedia
      Born: March 6, 1972 (age 42), Newark, NJ
      Height: 7′ 1″ (2.16 m)

      then again that’s no sweat because the list of people born in Connecticut way out strips
      the one for the Toxic Garden State’s. See here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_people_from_Connecticut.

      All those toxic waste disposal sties and the oil in the water causes them Jersey people to be a bit delusional,
      Like dealing with Dragon’s I learned long ago its best to just humor them nod and say Uh-huh. We Nutmeggers know
      what the real story

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    That military patch needs an artistic change to accurately reflect expectations of any Middle East/Arab action initiated by the Obama Administration. The swords should be crossed OVER the neck of the Eagle.

    Katy isn’t all that far away from me and I’ll be headed out there later today to offer my business trade in thanks for his comments.

  4. Ginny says:

    How is it possible, you and Lethal keep putting out these outstanding issues? Love the tattos on Diaman’s “trunk” area, I made it this far in life with no tatts….but let me tell you…it’s mighty tempting. All the videos were great as were the jokes. I for one don’t think the owner of Tatical Firearms has gone to far with his signs! I totally agree, the only way to fight is with our VOTES.
    Yes, we all think nothing will change, but it’s attitudes like that is what they depend on. So get out and VOTE! My final word, glad the pizza subject is somewhat resolved, opinions are like assholes,
    we all have one…and each of us has the best one!

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Oh Ginny-

      We here at DL/LL Enterprises know EXACTLY what your bum looks like.
      In fact, after Wednesday’s issue ALL our readers will know what it looks like!

      Wonder if that little statement will do anything for the blog’s total hits on Wednesday?

      • Ginny says:

        Just a heads up to my little Irish friend….I don’t wear thongs anymore. One got stuck up there and my hubby Paul had to use a hammer and chisel to get it out! At my age…granny panties or depends are more my speed.

      • impishdragon says:

        Ginny,
        Thank you very much for your very nice comments. I will answer your question, “How is it possible, you and Lethal keep putting out these outstanding issues?” Well, I’ll tell you….it’s hard work and lots of fun! When your work is fun it’s that much easier, so you could say this is incredibly easy hard work.
        I know that makes perfect sense, but if you think about it, it really does. A wiser man than I once said that writing is easy, all you do is sit down at a keyboard and open a vein. And that truly is the fact of the matter.
        We love what we do and that makes all the difference.
        Impish

      • Ginny says:

        I think all of your followers know how much time and energy you both put into each issue. Speaking for myself, it is something I really look forward to on Saturdays which starts our weekends off with smiles and laughter. Come Wednesday….we all are in a slump…but wait we have something to help us get through hump day….it’s our favorite Irish Leprechaun. So guys, thanks for the laughs, giggles and food for thought.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s