Good Morning Campers,

Well, winter is finally coming to our little town.  We are supposed to have rain changing to snow tonight and that means that I’ll be going to work tomorrow in the snow.  I don’t mind that so much as the fact that I won’t get a chance to use my new snow blower.  I haven’t had a chance yet.  Maybe tomorrow.  I guess we’ll see.

As Lethal mentioned so eloquently in his last issue, we’re having some real difficult times with our program that we use for writing our blog.  I’ve spent most of this week searching for a suitable substitute for Live Writer and you know what?  There isn’t one!

That’s mind boggling to me.

You can get an open source version of every single Microsoft program.  Even office!  But of all the other blog writing programs out there, nothing comes close to Live Writer.  Nothing!

If I had to name the perfect program, it would’ve been this one and what does Microsoft do?  They stop supporting it.

Of course.

We need more choices for computers.

I know.  If you don’t like the PC you can always go to a Mac.  And Mac followers will tell you that nothing beats an apple.  Now, I do own an iPhone.  I got it because it was the only platform that had the aps that I needed for my job.  You couldn’t get them on android. 

But now you can.  And the iPhone makes everything so stinted and stifled that I can’t hardly stand it.  No apple phone or tablet allows you to add memory.  My little bitty dell tablet allows me to use micro memory sticks, but the big old expensive iPad doesn’t.  That’s a deal breaker.  That means that if I need more memory I have to either by a bigger pad or I have to buy cloud storage, which I trust about as far as I can throw it.

So…anyone out there know of a good blog program that will easily allow us to add pictures and videos without having to be a friggin’ programmer, please let me know.

And while I’m waiting for those emails to roll in, let’s go ahead and start laughing.

Those Hollywood types get away with everything!  It’s truly not fair.  Not fair at all!

 

Yup, I haven’t lost my temper, I know EXACTLY where it is.  And if you stay within arm’s reach another 30 seconds, you’ll be able to get a really good look at it, too!

LOL!  You gotta love the minions and their sayings.

 

Ain’t that the truth!

 

A son moves away to go to college and takes the family dog, blue, with him. A few months later, his father gets a call from his son.

“Dad,” he says, “there’s an amazing program here that teaches dogs to talk!”

‘That’s amazing!’ his Dad says. ‘How do I get Blue in that program?’

‘Just send him down here with $2,000,’ the son says, ‘I’ll get him in the course.’

So his father sends the dog and $2,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home.

‘So how’s  Blue doing, son?’ his father wants to know.

‘Awesome! Dad, he’s talking up a storm… But you just won’t believe this. They’ve had such good results with talking, they’ve begun to teach the dogs how to read.’

‘Read?’ exclaims his father. ‘No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?’

‘Just send $4,500. I’ll get him in the class.’

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

Then, finally, he comes up with a plan. First he gives the dog to a nice family. Then he goes home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

‘Where’s Blue? I just can’t wait to talk with him, and see him read something!’

‘Dad,’ the boy says, ‘I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your dad still seeing that little redhead barmaid at the pub?”

The father groans and whispers, ‘I hope you shot that bastard before he talked to your Mother!’

‘I sure did, Dad!’

‘That’s my boy!’

The lad went on to be a successful lawyer.

 

 

There’s just no trusting dragons.  I can’t believe people still try.

 

 

A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions. Each one of them thought they had this in the bag.

The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

Then, the politician spoke up. “Yes yes, this is all well and true.” he said, “But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

 

How fleeting is beauty. 

 

 

Offensive, but very true.

 

Okay, that was two really groaner cartoons in a row.  I really hope that we don’t continue this sequence.

 

Yup.  And I know MOST of you feel the exact same way.

 

 

 

Well, since we are doing more cartoons than anything, let’s do some specialized collections:

Yes…moms are definitely different.

 

 

Yeah, okay, so that’s three.

 

So true…so very true.

 

 

Yup, my dog’s like that.

Yes, but only like those two dogs in the last picture.

 

 

 

Is that really a necessary selling point?  What’s next?  “Not infested by dragons, but they are all neighbors”?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

I know it’s probably stupid, but I really want to look inside the can to see what’s in it.

 

So, maybe there’s coffee in that can?  Nah, it would say heat instead of chill.

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s exactly the way I’ve felt all week.

 

 

This is one of Lethal’s Ninja Kitties.  Yes, I’m intimidated. 

Well, it’s been a fun ride today.  Lots of funny stuff, not much stuff to get angry over, so let me end by saying that I hope you got a laugh today.  I hope I helped start your day with a smile.  I hope you all remain happy, healthy and full of life….until we meet again next week.

Be well my friends.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

As you enter the conference room you se Lethal pacing back and forth on the dais tablet in hand, several lap tops open on a table with Impish hovering nearby but carefully avoiding getting in Lethal’s somewhat erratic unpredictable path. Lethal seems to be cussing someone named “Bill” out rather creatively by signing together impolite invectives from not less than 7 languages (3 of them dead) and judging by the bemused expression on Impish’s face (to say nothing of his hurried attempt to take notes) quite creatively.

As you get close enough to listen in you heard Lethal winding up, “That is the most insane thing I have ever heard in my life Bill! Why in the hell would you create a product, develop it and push it until it command an estimated 80% of an ever expanding market then just walk away from it an d refuse to support it? That is insane and one hell of a way to draw disapproval and ire down upon your company and their entire product line! If you’ll do it for one product whose to say your company won’t suddenly do it for another? Personally I’d rather run with the #2 product in a market and know its going to be supported until it’s no longer a viable product for the function than a #1 product that’s just going to stop dead.

OH KISS MY LARGE BLOODY IRISH WHITE ARSE BILL! Let’s not forget where you got your seed money to start Microflacid shall we? Up yours! You’ll have to excuse me I’ve an axe to sharpen to do a hatchet job on someone’s products and corporate reputation!”

Lethal whips his Bluetooth ear piece out of his earth and proceeds to do his best imitation of River Dancing on it until its its an unrecognizable electronic pancake. Impish carefully places a claw on Lethal’s shoulder in a friendly attempt to calm is obviously up Irish temper. Lethal stops mid mutter looks at the claw on his shoulder, then shoots Impish a glare that makes the dragon momentarily blanch baby blue and hurriedly remove it asking “ Judging by your side of the situation is exactly what you thought and they know about it but don’t care?”

“Aye. It seems they’re wising up ta the way o’ us customers. I thought something was up the way they’ve been pushing Windows 10 ta say nothing o’ that new Edge Browser. They’re cutting off the argument for supporting things they consider ‘legacy software’ but seeing that Windows 10 doesn’t support it. Apparently it’s a bloody miracle that Win10 support Live Mail at a fully functioning level. I don’t understand the intricacies fully but apparently it has something to do with the loss of Internet Explorer and the inclusion of Edge instead. I gather that under the conditions we were setting up by using Live Writer to display the videos Live Write was borrowing something to do with showing/playing videos from Internet Explorer. Since IE was tied part and parcel into previous versions of windows they were safe doing that since there were no worries about it being present. Now when Live writer tries to do that it gets that bloody process stop.”

“And Redmond knows about it, doesn’t care and isn’t fixing it on purpose?!” queries and incredulous Impish.

Tapping his nose for emphasis Lethal retorts, “Spot on mate.  On the bright side, if you can even call it that with a straight face, your ancient lap top apparently isn’t quite the basket case it first appeared to be since we’ve learned that the problem isn’t on our side but Microflacid’s.  That should give you a wee bit o breathing room when it comes to getting a new one.

Now, if yer of a mind to be helpful ,why not fly off and strangle a few bloody programmers in Redmond and leave their gutted bodies prominently on display ta show them the displeasure o the masses?  Or go start scouring the web for a reasonable, preferably free alternative replacement. We can nae afford to allow this curve ball to bollox up the works, we’ve stall a blog to publish twice a week. Now get yer  arse off me stage I’ve a bloody issue ta present already!”

Impish take his not so subtle cue and exits stage left pushing the rolling table with the lap top after an approving nod from Lethal as he gestured at it. Diaman, wise as she is beautiful walks up to the edge of the dais with a fresh pot of coffee to refill Lethal’s cup and to give her the opportunity for a kind word in his ear.. and was that a bit of tongue too?

Lethal whispers a few words in her ear that cause her to blush like she’s gotten a sudden sunburn, pulls back, winks at her then stands before turning his back momentarily on you and ‘sweetening’ his coffee from his ever present flask before climbing to the podium and addressing you.

Good morning folks.

You’ll notice a change in the blogs style starting today. Before I get into specifics regarding the change let me just say that it (hopefully) is not a permanent one, was not a choice we were given to make, not our faults and beyond our control.

In the last 2 weeks both Impish and I were basically forced by Microsoft (a.k.a Microflacid) to switch over to the new Windows 10  operating system. Switching to the latest Windows OS is generally something I avoid doing and advise my clients not to do until the advent of the first service pack. This is a pretty common place practice, because by then the bugs and kinks have either been largely updated out of existence, or  have well documented easily searchable for corrections/workarounds. What this has meant for Microsoft is that any serious migration the the new OS usually doesn’t take place until nearly a full year after the OS’s initial roll out to the public. Those using it that first year are generally the media the computer experts and those unfortunates that receive it on a new computer. As a result of this Microsoft changed how they rolled it out, blocked further updates to your old OS once you downloaded the reserve your free Win 10 update and would at a time of their choose pretty much force you to install the OS.

While there were no problems with installation of the OS for either of us that’s basically where the good news stops. There are a lot of programs that ran fine on Windows 7, 8 & 8.1 that do not run at all on Windows 10. Windows doesn’t tell you what they were, just removes them from your desktop, start up list and program list, but doesn’t uninstall them.

That however is a different issue entirely, Impish stumbled across our current dilemma while attempting to get last Saturday’s issue finished. He was attempting to plug a few videos into the issue as his final step and discovered the attempt crashed the compiler/editor program we use to put the blog issues together, something called a WYSIWYG editor (short for What-You-See-Is-What-You-Get), namely Liver Writer, one of the Windows Live Essentials they pushed so hard a few years back after they messed with Hotmail and killed off Outlook Express when they rolled out Windows 7. The last major update was in 2012. Microsoft no longer cares about Live Writer (Personally,  I suspect too many bloggers have used it to author blogs critical of Microsoft). On December 9th 2015 Microsoft announced the forking of Microsoft’s Windows Live Writer as an open source project called Open Live Writer.

What this means basically is that for a while we will not be able to plug videos directly into the blog as we have been doing in the past for you. We will only be able to place than as links you will have to click and follow. We are currently in the process (now that I/we finally fully understand it problem) of looking for an alternative freeware replacement program which will retain the ease of use and functionality of Live Writer while allowing us to keep the style and format of the blog as much as possible as it has been in the past.

This process could take 4 to 6 weeks as week locate, download and test various programs and compare notes. It’s critical that we both agree on using the same program as this allows for ease collaboration and backstopping each other when one of us has to step in for the other. We can pass partially completed issues back and forth and know that the other will be able to access them no sweat.

We ask your patience and indulgence while we research our options so that we may return  to bringing the blog to you in it’s previous format.

Thank You for your kind attention and now, on with the issue. I decided that seeing as this is my first post of the New Year it was only fitting and proper that the issue be a commentary on expectations for 2016, a review of sorts of 2015 and about the handing over of the world from one year to another. I think you’ll find it entertaining.

If you’re still conscious after that come repeat until the urge to come bother me goes away. Diamen this doesn’t apply to you. When you’re ready come bother me and we’ll see if you’re up to your end of that risqué notion I whispered in your ear before.

The do’s and don’ts to treating that New Year’s hangover

I know it’s been almost a week, but I’ve got to be honest, some of you are still looking a little rough after the four day party. Especially you Jersey folk.

A toddler tries bacon for the first time and perfectly expresses the feeling

Bacon is one of the most delicious foods on the planet, and this little guy is about to discover that for himself for the first time. Maybe you don’t know how to express how much you love bacon, but this young toddler sure does! You have to see his reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtMVMNST_g4

14 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of TSA Agents

Last year, more than 848 million people boarded airplanes departing or arriving within the United States. Barring any special security clearance, virtually all of them were filtered through the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), a federally-operated branch charged with screening passengers to ensure they’re complying with the rules of safe air travel.

Some travelers believe the TSA’s policies are burdensome and ineffectual; others acknowledge that individual employees are doing their best to conform to a frequently confusing, ever-changing set of procedures. We asked some former TSA officers about their experiences, and here’s what they had to say about life in blue gloves.

1. CATS ARE THE REAL TERRORISTS.

According to Jason Harrington, who spent six years at O’Hare Airport as a Transportation Security Officer (TSO), rogue felines have created more havoc and confusion than any suspected criminal. “Cats are a nightmare,” he says. “They don’t want to come out of their carriers, they scratch and claw, and they don’t come when you call them.” A cat that’s made a break for it and who hasn’t been patted down to check for weapons is technically a security breach, which a TSA supervisor could use as justifiable cause to shut down an entire terminal.

Dogs, however, are no problem. “A pat down on a dog amounts to going over and petting them,” Harrington says. “That’s actually pleasant.”

2. THEY HAVE CODE WORDS FOR ATTRACTIVE (AND ANNOYING) PASSENGERS.

Because TSOs are usually in close proximity to passengers, some checkpoints develop a vocabulary of code words that allows them to speak freely without offending anyone. “Code talk for attractive females was the most common,” Harrington says. An employee might say “hotel papa” to alert others to an appealing traveler heading their way—the “h” is for “hot.” Others might assign a code number, like 39, and call it out. Harrington was also informed by a supervisor that he could signal for a prolonged screening for an annoying passenger if Harrington told him that the traveler was “very nice.”

3. FANCY HAIRDOS ARE A SECURITY RISK.

Any passenger coming through with an elaborate hairdo—either carefully braided hair or the kind of up-do found on women headed for a wedding—means additional inspection will be required, because piled-up hair can conceivably conceal a weapon.

“Just about anything can set off an anomaly in the head area, from braids to a scrunchie to a barrette to a bad hair day,” Harrington says. “And those body scanners are especially fussy when it comes to the head, giving false positives there more than any other area.”

4. THEY LIKE YOU BETTER WHEN YOU’RE EXHAUSTED.

“Tina”—a former TSO in the northeast who prefers not to use her real name—says that travelers taking evening flights are typically more cooperative than morning passengers. “People are actually much nastier when they’re flying out in the morning,” she says. “The really late-night travelers are the best ones to be around.” (Also on Tina’s naughty list: business travelers. “They’re generally meaner.”)

5. THEY SOMETIMES LIE ABOUT WHERE THEY WORK.

Because public criticism of the TSA is so pervasive, Harrington has found that many employees stretch the truth about where they work when asked. “If I had to admit it, I’d say I was working for the Department of Homeland Security,” he says. “When I made mention of that on Facebook, I got a ton of officers who said they did the same thing.”

6. CHEESE CAN LOOK JUST LIKE A BOMB.

That giant wheel of cheese you’re bringing back from the holidays? It’s going to cause a lot of agitation among employees monitoring the x-ray machine. “A block of cheese is indistinguishable from C4,” Harrington says. “There is no difference on the screen. Meats, too. All organic products look orange on the display and similar to explosives.”

7. YOUR GENDER CAN CONFUSE THEM.

When a passenger enters a full-body scanner, the device operator hits a button to tell the unit whether it’s a he or she. It makes a difference, since a female passenger’s anatomy would raise a red flag when the machine expects to see male-only parts, and vice versa. If a person’s gender isn’t easily ascertained on sight and a TSO guesses, a pair of breasts could initiate a delay. “The machines detect things under clothes, and if it doesn’t match what’s been pressed, it means a pat down,” Harrington says.

8. THEY DON’T DO THE SAME THING ALL DAY.

TSOs typically get assigned to different stations (ticket taker, x-ray operator, shouting-at-you-to-take-your-shoes-off officer) at the security checkpoint, and never for very long: 30 minutes is typically the limit before a new officer is brought in. According to Tina, the revolving schedule is to avoid employee error. “After 30 minutes, you may begin to miss things,” she says.

9. OPTING OUT GETS THEM ANNOYED.

Harrington’s security checkpoint had a code word for passengers who “opted out,” or refused to submit to the full-body scanners—they were “tulips,” and they proved to be an annoyance.

“It slows down the whole operation and a lot of guys would hate it,” he says. “Now that it’s millimeter [radio] waves and people still opt out, they get annoyed, thinking the passenger doesn’t even know what they’re opting out of.”

10. THEY’RE WRITING ON YOUR TICKET FOR TWO REASONS.

Policies can vary by airport, but generally, security officers sitting up front and checking tickets are looking for irregularities in your identification: If something causes them to be suspicious, they’ll write something on your ticket that would prompt a more thorough inspection. “They’ll also write their badge number and initials,” Tina says, “so the airline knows they’ve been through security when they board.”

11. “CREDIBLE THREATS” STRESS THEM OUT.

According to Tina, turnover rates for TSOs can be high, and that’s due in large part to the perpetual stress of preparing for a hazardous situation. “In 10 months’ time, we went through active shooter training three times,” she says. “Another time, we were told there was a credible threat against the airport and not to wear our uniforms to or from work.”

12. THEY HATE WHEN YOU ASK THEM TO CHANGE GLOVES.

“The most common complaint [from TSOs] is when passengers ask them to change their gloves before a pat down,” Harrington says,” because we change them all the time. We might have changed them just before getting to someone and passengers will still insist they use new ones in front of their face.”

13. IT’S REALLY HARD TO GET FIRED.

TSOs undergo regular training and performance reviews where they’re expected to simulate a screening in a private room for supervisors. After two years, the probationary period is over, and employees are generally set. “They’d call it being a ‘made’ man or woman,” Harrington says, referring to the mafia term for acceptance. “It’s really hard to get fired at that point. The only way to lose your job would be to commit a crime.”

14. THEY DON’T GET AIRPORT PERKS.

As federal employees, TSOs don’t enjoy any perks from airlines: Accepting a gift could be cause for termination, according to Tina. “But there’s a loophole,” she says. “If you’re friends with a pilot or have a personal relationship with an airline employee, you can accept it.”

And if that hasn’t bent you enough regarding the guardians of our skyways…..

TSA could reject certain drivers’ licenses beginning in 2016

Due to a standards issue with the Transportation Security Administration and the Department of Homeland Security, a simple state driver’s license might not be enough to get travelers through airport security.

A New York Times report this week warns that the DHS and the TSA could begin enforcing a decade-old law that calls for states to change their IDs to conform to certain federal standards.

Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arizona, Arkansas, and Oregon among others are states with IDs that will not be in compliance with federal standards once an extension runs out October 2016. A second form of government ID will be needed after this date runs out if a change is not made to the IDs.

According to the NYT some states have even passed laws which bar states from letting their DMVs make the changes to IDs to be compliant.

The REAL ID Act was passed by Congress in 2005 and it was part of the 9/11 Commission’s recommendation that the feds “set standards for the issuance of sources of identification, such as driver’s licenses.”

The feds would like state IDs to be more counterfeit and tamper-proof. Failure to do so could make them easier to be compromised by those with terrorism in mind.

Privacy experts and advocates worry that having more data stored on the cards could lead to it being more shareable, something that they don’t want.

Making it harder for the residents of states who do not comply with the federal ID standards to participate in commercial air travel is seen by some as a way for the feds to hit states where it hurts, forcing compliance.

Some privacy experts think that the ID standards are a blow to personal privacy, while others say that the law is a way for the government to bully states into changes that they do not approve of.

The worry is that this is the first step to a national ID card which for some is concerning. The DHS has said on its own website that this is not the case, saying that they are not implementing a national ID system.

FINALLY! Someone else who understands my philosophy in life for dealing with others!

Feds will pay for disabled veterans now residing in assisted-living facilities

The federal government will pay for disabled veterans now residing in assisted-living facilities, under a bill passed by Congress in December.

But the measure doesn’t cover veterans who may move to such places in the future.

Disabled veterans living at retirement homes, were told in 2013 by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs that coverage of their housing was a mistake and would end. The coverage began in 2010.

U.S. Rep. Rosa L. DeLauro obtained extensions for the Connecticut veterans who sought her help and she proposed the language in the bill approved that ensured their coverage would continue. Residential care facilities affected by the legislation serve veterans who can’t live independently, but don’t need the skilled nursing care of nursing homes. The facilities generally provide services such as, housing, food, housekeeping and supervision of medicines.

The bill approved states that “ending equitable relief for veterans who were deemed eligible for benefits in error would place an unfair burden on veterans and their families.” It also notes that the “VA is working to implement new systems and protocols to eliminate instances of administrative error.”

“After serving our nation, no veteran should ever have to worry about not receiving care, especially in retirement when additional health issues may arise,” DeLauro said.

“Forcing these veterans to lose their benefits because of an error that was not their fault would have been wrong, and in some cases, may not have been in the best interest of their mental or physical well-being,” she said.

DeLauro has introduced the Veterans Residential Care Choice Act that would allow the VA to pay for eligible veterans who move to assisted-living facilities. She said she would continue to push for its passage. The measure is co-sponsored by Connecticut’s four other House members: Reps. Joseph Courtney, Elizabeth Esty, James Himes, and John Larson.

Let me be clear as to my position on this, as well a pointedly brief.

The number of homeless veterans in America was estimated at 49,933 in January 2014, according to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, the Department of Veterans Affairs, and the U.S. Interagency Council on Homelessness.

Fifty Thousand of our men and women who have fought and served this country are homeless. Our liberal government cannot or is not willing to provide these men and women with the same basic things our Towel Headed Muslim in the Closet President wants to  hand just over to Ten Thousand Syrian refugees, the vast majority of whom are males and potential terrorist threats. Let’s not forget all the illegal aliens already greedily taking our tax dollars while our Vets go homeless and aid less.

THIS IS BLOODY WELL UNACCEPTABLE!

NO US ARMED SERVICES VETERAN SHOULD EVER BE HOMELESS , HAVE TO FIGHT THE VA FOR THEIR RIGHTFULLY DUE BENEFITS OR WORRY ABOUT THEIR CARE WHEN UNABLE TO CARE FOR THEMSELVES!! NOT FREAKING EVER!

They consider this 2% of the 2.5 million deployed to date to be ‘acceptable post war causalities’. WELL ITS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ME, TO THEM, TO THEIR FAMILIES AND SHOULD BE ACCEPTABLE TO YOU EITHER! Some of that 2.5 million troops are National Guard who have been deployed up to five times! You wanna bet the odds of rolling craps with your sanity increases significantly with each deployment? I don’t have to bet I KNOW it bloody well does! That means some of those 50 Thousand homeless vets our there risked their necks more than once for our country before coming back so damaged that they cannot function in normal society. And how does our society and government repay this? BY kicking them out and ignoring them!

SCREW THE SYRIANS! They are already proving themselves demanding uncooperative opportunistic pains in the arse in Europe. DON’T BRING THEM HERE! For Christ sake these are the same bloody arseholes we see on the news protesting against the US, burning our flag and supporting ISIS and AL Qaida. THEY DUG THEIR GRAVES, LET THEM SHELTER IN THEM!

Charity begins at home! Yes some of these homeless people have mental health issues and or substance abuse problems (generally brought on by their mental health issues by and large). You know what? It’s no different than Cops or Firefighters having cardiac stress issues after being on the job. IN FACT IT’s EXACTLY THE SAME THING! Their conditions are a direct result of the horrendous job we sent them to do. That blank check they wrote got cashed for their health (physical &/or mental) and they are trying to cope with it the best way they can because our government ABANDONED THEM!

You know what? That’s it we’re done here, I’ve gotten myself so worked up over this I cannot continue this in a professional tone. If I try I’m likely to (likely hell I’m bloody well going to) wax profane to an extent never before seen here in the blog.  I don’t want that and more importantly you couldn’t handle it.

Modern Technology my ass!

Today is Friday…you know…yesterday.

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and … as you can tell from the title … this is the fourth time I have started this issue over FROM SCRATCH!!!

And why you may ask?????

Good question.

I know, I can hear you now, “But Impish, you have the world’s best computer guru as a partner?”

I know.  I know.  But, dragons like to be self-sufficient and rely on their own wits.  So you guys know exactly what I did, right?

Yup, I crawled on my hands and knees and begged.

Lethal Leprechaun has forgotten more about computers than I will ever know in two lifetimes.  And I ain’t no slacker!  And we are both stumped.

My personal thoughts are that my poor little laptop has just gasped its last breath…it was given a shock with the proverbial paddles and we’ve brought it back to life, but it’s just a matter of time.  So, if it makes it to tax time, maybe I’ll get a new one…in the mean time, we’ll keep this one alive with bubblegum and bailing wire.

So, campers, let’s see how far we can get on this issue this time.

 

We’ve just recently received our stats for the website for 2015 from Word Press.  I’d like to share some of them with you throughout the issue today.

Madison Square Garden can seat 20,000 people for a concert. This blog was viewed about 69,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Madison Square Garden, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

The busiest day of the year was May 25th with 612 views. The most popular post that day was DL/LL Memorial Day Issue 2015.

It’s been a good year.  I tried accessing 2014’s numbers but it wouldn’t load for me…go figure.  It’s going to be a better year in 2016!

Woo Hoo!  That’s fantastic!  I just sat down the other night and figured when I was going to be able to retire and I figured 110!  So, that’s five extra years of retirement!  Man, I can hardly wait!

Poor Steve Harvey.  I know that everyone has heard of his Miss Universe Screw Up, well, the jokes are now just flying…here are just a few:

I’m sure you’ll see more as time goes on.

 

We have many dragons working for us at DL/LL Enterprises.  This is Howard.  Howard is one of our lower level security specialists.  He is seen here in the break room on a smoke break.  Some of our dragon employees, such as Howard, are just as ugly in their human form as they are in their dragon form.  Some of Howard’s hobbies include: eating, wine tasting, eating, reading, eating, crochet and eating.

 

Why did I NEVER think about this game when the Whelpling was younger?  I would have really come in handy.

U.S. Army Rescues 47 Sex Slaves From ISIS
The United States Army announced that one of its forward units, in a daring daylight raid, has rescued 47 Sex Slaves from ISIS strongholds.  Here is a picture of the heroes escorting the girls back to freedom.

 

Me neither!

 

 

Yes, I belong to a 12-Step program and this is our Serenity Prayer.

 

Never look at your beer as half-empty.  Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.

 

 

How can anyone think that God would create beautiful creatures like women, and then want us to cover them up from head to toe like we’re ashamed of them.  Like an artist who wants you to view his paintings while they are covered in black cloth.  And then he acts like YOU’RE crazy for thinking it’s not normal.

No shit!

 

 

So, now let’s look at things from the other side of the coin:

 

Let’s go back to 2015 stats for the blog.  We had hits from 149 different countries.  But one thing I had to look up, there are only 196 countries all together.  That means we hit 76% of all the countries in the world!  Of course the United States was number one and we had several with just one or two hits like Mali, Estonia, and we had middle of the road countries like Israel, Scotland, and Russia, but can you guess what the number two country was?  How about number 3?

Well, surprisingly, to me, anyway, was number three. 

Number two was Canada, makes sense, but number 3 was Australia.  I didn’t figure that.

Thanks to all of you who made this a very successful year,  no matter where you checked in from.

 

Yup, even some of us dragons have allergies.

Personally, I’m allergic to bullshit.

 

On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out” and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.

After three weeks, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.”Yes” he informs the couple “I can get you married in Heaven”.

“Great!” said the couple “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

“You must be bloody joking” says St Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple”.

“OH, COME ON!” St Peter shouted,  “It took me three weeks to find a Priest up here…

Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a Lawyer?”

 

 

Okay, one more quick stat from the blog…who do you think is the number one commenter, that is, the person who has written the most comments to the comment section of the website?

That’s right!  It was our own Jersey Girl, Ginny.  Not a big surprise when you remember that she’s from New Jersey and we know just how much Jersey Girls love to talk.The big surprise is when you see how MUCH more she commented than the next closest person.  Are you sitting down?  She commented 600% more than the next closest person.  She posted 165 times and our dear Irish Lass commenter Maggie was in second place with 29.

And then in third place was Ginny’s better half, that old fart, Paul.  Great job guys!  Way to make Jersey stand out so well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, I was going to make this next part the Last Word, but it’s not really the Last Word material, so I’ll just call this “The Words Just Before The End.”

Speaking of New Years… (I know, that was a really crappy segue, but this is like the fourth time I’ve written this so give me a break.)

Last night we spent the night at some dear friends house and watched as the ball dropped on 2016.  It was a great time and at midnight, after we had done a shot in toasting the new year, my good buddy gave a great toast to all of them that we have lost.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  We did a second shot with that toast.  I want to share the sentiment of those two toasts with all of you by saying, may this year be the best year for all of us and may we never forget those who have gone before us, and let us take solace in the knowledge that we will all be together again.

 

You are again assailed by the scents of Coffee Hot Chocolate, and hot fresh holiday cookies as you step off the elevator along with another more subtle one…is that? Could it be? YES! EGG NOG!

All these things you see  offered for all when you enter the conference room. What you don’t see is Impish Dragon anywhere, nor any signs of the recent anti gluttonous dragon defenses that have been employed the last few times. The screen about the stage is dark and shows no image of a tied up in his work dragon either.

Lethal hastily finishes the remainder of the oatmeal white chocolate and cranberry cookie he’d been dunking in his coffee, brushes the crumbs from his vest and ascends the stage  and podium.

“Morning Folks!

Grab your goodies and your seats quickly please ‘tis a full plate we have and I’m not talking one like the one in from of Paul B. Though you have to admire the ingenuity of his cookie stacking technique. I’d never have believed you could get a stable pile 5 cookies tall on a paper plate.

Well while I lucked out and got missed by all that snow sleet and freezing rain that plagued so much of Northern Texas Sunday night into Monday instead just getting about an inch of rain we didn’t miss out on the bottom dropping out of the thermometer. Our temps  here at Keebler Towers dropped 25 degrees in about 4 hours on Monday from about 73 to 48 with a strong enough wind to make it feel like 39. I do believe our winter has arrived.

You’ll notice Impish not in attendance nor being considered a threat to the Kraft table this morning. Up until Sunday he was still sulking about being tied to that chair and the length of time it took for Ginny to sober up enough to locate him and cut him loose.

Then Sunday he reported suffering from a nonspecific general malady. At first I thought this was more sulking or gold bricking.  I was also considering if this was a long con designed to give him an excuse for appear to look and feel like crap on New Year’s Day and avoid showing just how big a light weight (WOW! Gimme a sec… basking in the novelty of the term “light weight” actually being used in connotation with Impish…and the moments over where was I?) he is when it comes to imbibing and partying. However he did from speaking to him sound as though he was genuinely ill.

Then I found this photo on our security cameras. Seems mister sulky pants fell asleep outside in the cold and got his self sleeted and snowed on then caught a cold or the crud from it.

Anyway as you know the time for our annual New Year’s Blowout is upon us. When it comes to wild times, the only other party we throw  that rivals it is our annual Independence Day one. Well some of you might remember that one other party I got conned by a former  Fairie reader into throwing while Impish was away a lot of years ago, but that one wound up with me imprisoned by Impish in the middens and Bacchus making off with most of Impish’s wine cellar, as well as several of his virgins after besting me at drinking by cheating and slipping me a Mickey. I’m not keen of recreating that scenario any time soon and I’m sure Impish isn’t either.

Check in fro Patrons starts at 6 PM tonight, while the rest of you will have to wait until noon tomorrow. Party kicks off at 6 PM sharp and I’m given to understand that David Hasselhoff will be in attendance to through out the first obnoxious drunk of 2016, which will probably be himself. Also Steve Harvey will be here to count down to the New Year…so you’d better expect to do that twice until he gets it right.

Mean time let’s enjoy the last official laughs of the old year as we wait with high expectations for the new one shall we?

 

When your morning cuppa can sparkle, shoot off fire works, and skywrite in steam you know you’ve got one heck of a cuppa Joe there. My question is how the hell did you manage to grab a cuppa my Brown Gold?

 

 

That’s a pretty good New Years Resolution for you Impish!

Speaking of resolutions—

I know some of you are hard at it trying to come up with your list of resolutions. While I’m in no position to advise you on any you might wish to consider having plenty of faults of my own and things I need to change, I am in a position to offer a few sage words as observation on New Years Resolutions as a whole concept:

With regard to eating healthy, organic, macrobiotic and all that other buzz word hype, please consider the following:

This woman is 51 yrs old. She is TV health guru Gillian McKeith, advocating a holistic approach to nutrition and health, and promoting exercise, a vegetarian diet which is high in organic fruits and vegetables.

She recommends detox diets, colonic irrigation, and supplements.

 

(Isn’t she the looker?)

This woman is also 51. She is Nigella Lawson… a TV cook, who eats meat, butter, bacon, chocolate and desserts …..

and, she washes it all down with wine!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I rest my case with regard to all that healthy eating crap/vegan crap. Cheers to all, a glass of mulled wine or cider and a warm mince pie with real whipped cream…

As to the subject of resolutions in general, well consider this guy’s luck with his:

As for me, this year I’ve only one single solitary resolution. To be more like this guy:

 

Some people take their Gingerbread art work very seriously as seem here:

 

Somebody has recreated “The Shining” hotel with gingerbread!

Apparently, it was a full family effort and I think you’ll agree the level of detail is extraordinary.

Can you identify all the classic scenes?

 

 

 

 

That refers to SANTA Impish, not me when it comes to not being able to hold things against you! Just so you’re clear.

As you can see from the following the Ninja Kitty Clan is getting a jump start on their NYE celebrating.

 

How NORAD became the world’s official Santa-tracker

So there I was surrounded by Molly’s family which now includes multiple under foot while  constantly pestering ad nausea of adults over when Santa is going to arrive and when the earliest access to presents can be had kids. Needless to say I was feeling more and more Grinch like with each passing moment as a result.

Then inspiration hit. I got them all together and sent them to retrieve their tablets or hand me down smart phones. I download the Santa Tracker app for them and tied them into the house’s WiFi  so they could watch his progress and check it themselves. (I also might have informed them that Santa sent me the Hawaiian shirt I was wearing because we’re Bros so one call from me and they’d be getting clothes or school supplies for Christmas. I might also have shown them my speed dialer with a photo of my buddy Kris who sports long white hair and a beard dressed in a red polo replete with reindeer.)

This pretty much had the desired effect of calming/quieting down the kids as well as clearing them out from underfoot in the cramped kitchen we were working in. This lead to me blessing NORAD under my breath and one of the other adults inquiring why I was blessing NORAD since it was NASA that tracked Santa. I insisted that it was NORAD, he insisted it was Santa and Molly reached for her phone to settle it. as it turns out I was right (surprise!) but there is quite an interesting story behind how it came to be.

It was December 1955, the height of the Cold War, when the red phone on Col. Harry Shoup’s desk at the Continental Air Defense Command began to ring.

Only an elite few knew the number. Odds were good that a four-star general from the Pentagon was on the other end of the line.

Shoup reached for the phone.

“Yes, sir. This is Col. Shoup,” he said.

No response.

“Sir? This is Col. Shoup.” Pause. “Sir, can you read me all right?”

That’s when Shoup heard the little girl’s voice.

“Are you really Santa Claus?”

For the last 60 years, officials at the North American Aerospace Defense Command at Peterson Air Force Base in Colorado Springs, Colo., have tracked Santa’s whirlwind tour across the globe to deliver presents on Christmas Eve. Nearly 9 million people from more than 200 countries are expected to check in with NORAD’s Santa-tracking website before they go to bed on Christmas Eve.

And it all began with that phone call.

As Shoup later recalled in a home video, his first response to the unlikely query was that someone was pulling his leg — and he wasn’t amused.

“I said, ‘Would you repeat that please?'” he replied.

“Are you really Santa Claus?”

That’s when he realized two things: Something had gone wrong with his phone, and the question was genuine.

So he told the little girl on the other end of the line that he was, indeed, Santa Claus. Relieved, she informed him that she would be leaving him food by her fireplace, plus treats for his reindeer as well.

“I said, ‘Oh boy, they sure will appreciate that!’”

Then Shoup asked to speak to her mother. That’s how he learned that a Sears, Roebuck & Co. advertisement in the local newspaper had invited kids to call Santa at ME 2-6681 — the number for the red phone.

It was a misprint, of course, but that didn’t stop kids from flooding the line all the way until Christmas. Shoup assigned a couple of airmen to answer the line and act like St. Nick, Shoup’s daughter Pamela Farrell recounted to StoryCorps.

After a few weeks, someone at the Continental Air Defense Command (which is now NORAD) had an inspired idea. He went to the giant glass board where airmen tracked the planes in U.S. or Canadian airspace and added a drawing of a sleigh with eight reindeer. They were headed south from the North Pole.

Shoup studied the board. Then he picked up his phone, his other daughter, Terri Van Keuren, told StoryCorps.

“He called a local radio station and said, ‘This is the commander of the Combat Alert Center, and we have an unidentified flying object — why, it looks like a sleigh!’”

After that, Van Keuren added, stations would call every hour to ask for the latest on Santa’s whereabouts.

The military’s Santa-tracking efforts have become considerably more elaborate since 1955. NORAD’s online tracker plays Christmas tunes while flying reindeer pull a red sleigh over images of the Earth provided by NASA. The site shows Santa’s last stop and gives an ETA for his next destination. It also keeps a running tab of the number of gifts delivered.

Those who find websites passé can download the NORAD Tracks Santa app from the iTunes store, follow @NoradSanta on Twitter, “like” NORAD’s tracker on Facebook or keep tabs through a variety of other social media sites.

More than 70,000 children still call NORAD to talk to Santa on a toll-free line — (877) HI-NORAD or (877) 446-6723 — and another 12,000 or so send e-mails to noradtrackssanta@outlook.com.

All of this would have been impossible for Shoup to imagine as he spoke to the little girl who inadvertently kicked the whole thing off 60 years ago.

Before handing the phone to her mother, the girl asked a question that was certainly appropriate for an Air Force colonel: How is it possible for Santa to visit so many houses in a single night?

Years later, Shoup still remembered his answer: “I said, ‘That’s the magic of Christmas.’”

 

 

For me the biggest problem with holidays is mornings. Invariably there are guests before or after the main event expecting to be fed and draining your coffee supplies. Here are a couple of quick and easy recipes to insure your culinary reputation remains untarnished while not putting you out there too much.

Gingerbread Waffles

Total Time: 18 min
Prep: 8 min
Cook: 10 min
Yield: 4 (4 section) waffles, 16 pieces, up to 8 servings
Level: Easy

 

 

Ingredients

3 cups all-purpose flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg, eyeball it
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 large eggs
2/3 cup packed dark brown sugar
1 cup canned pumpkin puree
1 1/4 cups milk
1/2 cup molasses
1/2 cup (1 stick) melted butter, plus some to butter the iron
Syrup, whipped cream or fresh fruits for topping, to pass at table

Directions

In a large bowl combine flour, baking powder, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and salt. In a medium bowl, beat eggs and brown sugar until fluffy, then beat in pumpkin, milk, molasses and melted butter. Stir the wet into dry until just moist. Do not overstir the waffle batter. Brush the iron with a little melted butter and cook 4 waffles, 4 sections each. Serve with toppings of choice.

Now I’m not a waffles/pancakes & syrup kind of guy, that is really Molly’s Department (especially since my sister has been supplying her with real deal hand made New England Maple Syrup for the past couple years) but a couple of these with honey whipped butter eaten like toast with a hot cup of fresh coffee are a seasonal thing I look forward to every year.

Mini Cheddar, Broccoli & Bacon Quiches

Prep  15 min.

Total  50 min.

Serves  6

 

Servings: 2 mini quiches each  Bake: 30 min.   Cool: 5 min.   Cost per recipe: $4.64

Ingredients

1 can (10 1/2 ounces) Campbell’s® Condensed Cream of Mushroom Soup (Regular, 98% Fat Free or Healthy Request )
1 package (10 ounces) chopped frozen broccoli cuts, thawed and well drained
6 slices bacon, cooked, drained and roughly chopped (about 3/4 cup)
1/2 cup all purpose baking mix
1/4 cup milk
3 eggs
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

Directions

1 Heat the oven to 375°F.  Spray 12 (2 1/2-inch) muffin-pan cups with vegetable cooking spray.

2 Stir the soup, broccoli, bacon, baking mix, milk, eggs and cheese in a medium bowl.  Spoon about 1/4 cup soup mixture into each muffin-pan cup.

3 Bake for 30 minutes or until the quiches are golden brown and a knife inserted in the centers comes out clean.  Let the quiches cool in the pan on a wire rack for 5 minutes.  Remove the quiches from the pan.

A great breakfast item and a nice lunch presentation on a bed of dressed greens or in accompaniment to a salad or soup If this is all you are serving for breakfast I’d figure on 3 or 4 per person.

Cheesy Ham and Hash Brown Casserole

Prep Time: 15 m

Cook Time: 1 h

Makes: 12 servings

415 cal

 

Ingredients

1 (32 ounce) package frozen hash brown potatoes
8 ounces cooked, diced ham or bacon
2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed cream of potato soup
1 (16 ounce) container sour cream
2 cups shredded sharp Cheddar cheese
1 1/2 cups grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×13 inch baking dish.
2. In a large bowl, mix hash browns, ham, cream of potato soup, sour cream, and Cheddar cheese. Spread evenly into prepared dish. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.
3. Bake 1 hour in the preheated oven, or until bubbly and lightly brown. Serve immediately.

Nearly similar cooking temperatures and times mean that with a little effort and a bit of watching these can go in the same oven as the Mini Quiches and be ready just about the same time. If you don’t want to double up on serving breakfast meat [s], you could substitute 8 ozs of cooked chopped mushrooms for the ham/bacon. Served along side the Mini Quiches you should have breakfast covered.

Ah bless Molly’s heart! She got me a taste from home for Christmas!

 

Being a young sarcastic wiseass, that is precisely what I did too. Now you know the reason behind Impish and I meeting up. Yup, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

What are you doing this New Year’s Eve? If you can’t pack your bags and travel around the world, well, join the club.

For most people, New Year’s Eve celebrations take place close to home. That’s good, especially if you want to keep your family off the roads on this festive but risky holiday.

Still, you want to have fun. One way to do that is by watching people around the world celebrate New Year’s Eve.

You know there will be huge celebrations in places like New York City, where the Times Square ball drop is just part of the fun that night. There will also be fireworks, tons of ticker tape fluttering through the air, and a million or so people braving the cold temperatures to blow noisemakers, jump around in their funny 2016 glasses, and make lots and lots of noise.

You can be part of that, and many other New Year’s Eve celebrations. For the 20th year in a row, the website and app EarthCam will live stream the Times Square ball dropping at midnight. (See video on the next page.)

EarthCam captures all the activity from multiple webcams. That includes the ball dropping, signifying the end of 2015 and the beginning of 2016. Plus, EarthCam will capture people in Times Square, and many other locations around the world, as they celebrate.

But you don’t have to wait until New Year’s Eve to get excited about it. Visit the site now for clips from last year’s celebrations that were captured on webcam.

EarthCam 2016 New Year’s Celebration

 

 

Auld Lang Syne

“Auld Lang Syne” is a Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1788 and set to the tune of a traditional folk song.  It is well known in many countries, especially in the English-speaking world, its traditional use being to bid farewell to the old year at the stroke of midnight. By extension, it is also sung at funerals, graduations and as a farewell or ending to other occasions. The international Boy Scout youth movement, in many countries, uses it as a close to jamborees and other functions.

The song’s Scots title may be translated into standard English as “old long since”, or more idiomatically, “long long ago”, “days gone by” or “old times”. Consequently, “For auld lang syne”, as it appears in the first line of the chorus, might be loosely translated as “for (the sake of) old times”.

The phrase “Auld Lang Syne” is also used in similar poems by Robert Ayton (1570–1638), Allan Ramsay (1686–1757), and James Watson (1711) as well as older folk songs predating Burns.  Matthew Fitt uses the phrase “In the days of auld lang syne” as the equivalent of “Once upon a time…” in his retelling of fairy tales in the Scots language.

There is some doubt as to whether the melody used today is the same one Burns originally intended, but it is widely used in Scotland and in the rest of the world.

Singing the song on Hogmanay or New Year’s Eve very quickly became a Scots custom that soon spread to other parts of the British Isles. As Scots (not to mention English, Welsh and Irish people) emigrated around the world, they took the song with them.

A manuscript of “Auld Lang Syne” is held in the permanent collection of The Lilly Library at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana.

The song begins by posing a rhetorical question as to whether it is right that old times be forgotten, and is generally interpreted as a call to remember long-standing friendships.Thomson’s Select Songs of Scotland was published in 1799 in which the second verse about greeting and toasting was moved to its present position at the end.

Most common use of the song involves only the first verse and the chorus. The last lines of both of these are often sung with the extra words “For the sake of” or “And days of”, rather than Burns’ simpler lines. This allows one note for each word, rather than the slight melisma required to fit Burns’ original words to the melody.

English translation  (minimalist)

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine^†;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give me a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

 

 

Good Morning Campers,

Actually, I’m starting this one on Sunday, December 20th.  We were out late last night at friends house and everyone got a bit tipsy…okay, so it was a drunken party.  Well, except for me.  Since I was driving, I limited myself to a beer early in the evening and I did one shot a little later.  Then I  made sure I had a couple of hours and some food (of which there was plenty) before I drove Mrs. Dragon and myself home. 

Then this morning we went grocery shopping for the Christmas and New Year’s cooking and baking.  And you better believe that I’ll be using several of Lethal’s “Weak Knee” recipes!  For friends, family and neighbors that stop by I’m obligated to put up a sign:

So, that’s exciting. 

This is the first Christmas in our new house and because of that, it’s going to be EXTRA special.  We haven’t decorated as much as I’m sure we will in future years, just because of how busy we’ve been and all the exciting things that have happened to the Dragon household this year.

And when New Year’s rolls around, there are going to be MANY things we are thankful for. 

Speaking of New Year, I need a little help here.  Come gather close where Lethal can’t hear.  Have any of you heard anything about a special surprise for me for the New Year’s edition?  Lethal’s being very hush, hush about the annual New Year’s Gala that we put on.  There was something about a special decoration or costume that someone was going to be in and it was a, and I’m quoting here from something I over heard, “a big surprise for that [expletive deleted] dragon”. 

No?  None of you have heard anything?  Well, rats.  I was hoping for some kind of clue.  Maybe like edible decorations or something.

Okay, well that’s it for today.  Football games are coming on soon and it is important for me to cheer for my two teams, The Indianapolis Colts and The Green Bay Packers.  They are both still in the running for the play-offs, as are just about any other team.  I’ll add more to this monologue before publication.

---

Wednesday, 23 Dec 15

The day before, the day-before-Christmas.

Alright, all together…”Are we ready for Christmas?”

HECK NO!!!!

Still have wrapping to do, still have one more present that isn’t even supposed to show up until tomorrow.  I’m off work.  The little dragonette is off school.  And we stayed up LATE last night watching Christmas movies and shows.  Went to bed at 2 am and got up at 630 am.  It’s going to be an interesting day.

The special Christmas issue was posted this morning and I’ll admit, although I am a manly man, at several points it brought a tear to my eye.  And, as any good issue will, I laughed out loud several times.  Later on, I’ll tell you what happened to me and how I finally got out of that chair where I was tied up with garland.  It’s an interesting story.  You’ll love it.

I can’t believe that it’s the middle of December and it’s currently 57 degrees with a high of 63.  No snow in the forecast at all!!!

Humbug!!!!

So, okay, more later.

---

Thursday.
Christmas Eve.
My Birthday.
What a day this is going to be!  As I write this to you, it’s a little after 0600 hrs.  Got a phone call and a flood of text messages right at 0017 hrs, which, East Coast time is exactly my time of birth.  My dear, darling wife arranged it all.  Got ahold of some friends and family (mostly family) to text me and wish me a happy birthday right at that time.

I got a call from some (drunk) friends who sang Happy Birthday to me while they held the phone up so everyone could be heard.  It’s a good thing I was already up.  LOL!

Anyone of you who were involved in that caper last night and are reading this…I know where you live.

No, seriously, it was a WONDERFUL birthday gift and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And to all of you who wished me a Happy Birthday here, thank you all very much.  You have no idea how much that means to me.

On a different note: I’m doing my best to just make this issue a fun one.  No politics, no deep thought worthy articles (or at least, so far) because I know, on the day after Christmas EVERYONE is going to need some smiles.

Now, I may or may not be back with this lead in prior to publication due to all the things I mentioned above, so let me say now, let’s laugh!!!

 

 

 

 

This is so true!  And this is the way it was SUPPOSED to be!  Tell me why it’s not this way now?

Although it’s been a warmer than normal winter so far, we have had a bit of a cold snap this week, so this next one is still quite appropriate.

 

This one is super special.  You all KNOW how pro-military Lethal and I are, and this next video fits right in.  Thanks to Ginny for pointing this one out.

 

Dang!  I was wondering where those drunken pumpkins went!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, appearing here first, making history in this showing, may I present to you, the very first honest cable company commercial.  I know how unbelievable that is to you, so rather than take my word for it, I present it to you right here:

 

Okay, I’m not sure if this is an ad by Trump or just for Trump done by someone else, but I will say that it is hilarious!

 

Email from a very politically correct work environment. The boss sent this email, to express his holiday greetings.
I thought it was funny, in an unintentional way.

Dear co-employees,

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice an organized religion at all; and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the immigration status, race, creed, color, or religious or sexual preferences of the wishers.

Disclaimers:
1. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
2. It implies no promise by the wishers to actually implement any of the wishes for themselves or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring.
3. No warranties express or implied.
4. Void where prohibited by law.
5. No plants, animals, or fungi were harmed in the production of thisgreeting; nor was any carbon dioxide, sulfuric acid, or chlorofluorocarbons (CFC) released into the atmosphere.
6. Only free-range, shade-grown, non-genetically modified, socially conscious, gender-neutral organic electrons were used in the transmission of this greeting.
7. This greeting is certified to be completely free of Western Euro-centric Judeo-Christian patriarchal hetero-normative privilege.
8. Please recycle.

 

Security in our lower levels is a tough gig and it takes some tough dragons to pull it off.  Here’s one of our security guards on a smoke break.

 

Irish Virginity Test Kit

Paddy is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, “Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test.  What you need is a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel.”

Paddy replies, “Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?”

The doctor says, “Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of  your balls red and the other ball blue.  If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever did see…’ you hit her with the shovel.”

 

 

A rainy spring night in Dublin, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the car and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to ?” he stammered.

“Vale Road,” answered the woman. “OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at ?”

“Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question ?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller ?”

 

 

As if you really needed a reason, here’s why you don’t let your cat play with your Christmas tree.

 

This one is just plain silly, but since I’m trying very hard to make this one just fun stuff, it’s perfect!

Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left — so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure if it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven’t seen them since. The weather isn’t too bad here, it only rained twice last week.  The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don’t make the last payment on Grandma’s grave, up she comes.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she’s going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Your Mum,
PS: I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed when I thunk of it.  

Yup.  That will be the next step.

Bastards.

 

Dang!  Dang!  Dang!  I could’ve REALLY used that one with the Whelpling when he was growing up!

I’m sorry my campers, it is Saturday morning and I shouild have finished this up yesterday, but I had a horrible reaction to my medicine and I’ve been very sick and out of it for the past 24 hours.  I’m publishing this as is now and hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Impish