#1467: The Day after Christmas


 

Good Morning Campers,

Actually, I’m starting this one on Sunday, December 20th.  We were out late last night at friends house and everyone got a bit tipsy…okay, so it was a drunken party.  Well, except for me.  Since I was driving, I limited myself to a beer early in the evening and I did one shot a little later.  Then I  made sure I had a couple of hours and some food (of which there was plenty) before I drove Mrs. Dragon and myself home.  1

Then this morning we went grocery shopping for the Christmas and New Year’s cooking and baking.  And you better believe that I’ll be using several of Lethal’s “Weak Knee” recipes!  For friends, family and neighbors that stop by I’m obligated to put up a sign:

So, that’s exciting. 

This is the first Christmas in our new house and because of that, it’s going to be EXTRA special.  We haven’t decorated as much as I’m sure we will in future years, just because of how busy we’ve been and all the exciting things that have happened to the Dragon household this year.

And when New Year’s rolls around, there are going to be MANY things we are thankful for. 

Speaking of New Year, I need a little help here.  Come gather close where Lethal can’t hear.  Have any of you heard anything about a special surprise for me for the New Year’s edition?  Lethal’s being very hush, hush about the annual New Year’s Gala that we put on.  There was something about a special decoration or costume that someone was going to be in and it was a, and I’m quoting here from something I over heard, “a big surprise for that [expletive deleted] dragon”. 

No?  None of you have heard anything?  Well, rats.  I was hoping for some kind of clue.  Maybe like edible decorations or something.

Okay, well that’s it for today.  Football games are coming on soon and it is important for me to cheer for my two teams, The Indianapolis Colts and The Green Bay Packers.  They are both still in the running for the play-offs, as are just about any other team.  I’ll add more to this monologue before publication.


Wednesday, 23 Dec 15

The day before, the day-before-Christmas.

Alright, all together…”Are we ready for Christmas?”

HECK NO!!!!

Still have wrapping to do, still have one more present that isn’t even supposed to show up until tomorrow.  I’m off work.  The little dragonette is off school.  And we stayed up LATE last night watching Christmas movies and shows.  Went to bed at 2 am and got up at 630 am.  It’s going to be an interesting day.

The special Christmas issue was posted this morning and I’ll admit, although I am a manly man, at several points it brought a tear to my eye.  And, as any good issue will, I laughed out loud several times.  Later on, I’ll tell you what happened to me and how I finally got out of that chair where I was tied up with garland.  It’s an interesting story.  You’ll love it.

I can’t believe that it’s the middle of December and it’s currently 57 degrees with a high of 63.  No snow in the forecast at all!!!

Humbug!!!!

So, okay, more later.


Thursday.
Christmas Eve.
My Birthday.
What a day this is going to be!  As I write this to you, it’s a little after 0600 hrs.  Got a phone call and a flood of text messages right at 0017 hrs, which, East Coast time is exactly my time of birth.  My dear, darling wife arranged it all.  Got ahold of some friends and family (mostly family) to text me and wish me a happy birthday right at that time.

I got a call from some (drunk) friends who sang Happy Birthday to me while they held the phone up so everyone could be heard.  It’s a good thing I was already up.  LOL!

Anyone of you who were involved in that caper last night and are reading this…I know where you live.

No, seriously, it was a WONDERFUL birthday gift and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And to all of you who wished me a Happy Birthday here, thank you all very much.  You have no idea how much that means to me.

On a different note: I’m doing my best to just make this issue a fun one.  No politics, no deep thought worthy articles (or at least, so far) because I know, on the day after Christmas EVERYONE is going to need some smiles.

Now, I may or may not be back with this lead in prior to publication due to all the things I mentioned above, so let me say now, let’s laugh!!!

 

 

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1702

 

This is so true!  And this is the way it was SUPPOSED to be!  Tell me why it’s not this way now?

2

1703

Although it’s been a warmer than normal winter so far, we have had a bit of a cold snap this week, so this next one is still quite appropriate.
3

 

This one is super special.  You all KNOW how pro-military Lethal and I are, and this next video fits right in.  Thanks to Ginny for pointing this one out.

 

1704

Dang!  I was wondering where those drunken pumpkins went!

 

Ladies and gentlemen, appearing here first, making history in this showing, may I present to you, the very first honest cable company commercial.  I know how unbelievable that is to you, so rather than take my word for it, I present it to you right here:

 

Okay, I’m not sure if this is an ad by Trump or just for Trump done by someone else, but I will say that it is hilarious!

 

Email from a very politically correct work environment. The boss sent this email, to express his holiday greetings.
I thought it was funny, in an unintentional way.

Dear co-employees,

Best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice an organized religion at all; and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the immigration status, race, creed, color, or religious or sexual preferences of the wishers.

Disclaimers:
1. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
2. It implies no promise by the wishers to actually implement any of the wishes for themselves or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring.
3. No warranties express or implied.
4. Void where prohibited by law.
5. No plants, animals, or fungi were harmed in the production of thisgreeting; nor was any carbon dioxide, sulfuric acid, or chlorofluorocarbons (CFC) released into the atmosphere.
6. Only free-range, shade-grown, non-genetically modified, socially conscious, gender-neutral organic electrons were used in the transmission of this greeting.
7. This greeting is certified to be completely free of Western Euro-centric Judeo-Christian patriarchal hetero-normative privilege.
8. Please recycle.

1705

 

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Satisfaction

Security in our lower levels is a tough gig and it takes some tough dragons to pull it off.  Here’s one of our security guards on a smoke break.

 

Irish Virginity Test Kit

Paddy is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, “Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test.  What you need is a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel.”

Paddy replies, “Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?”

The doctor says, “Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of  your balls red and the other ball blue.  If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever did see…’ you hit her with the shovel.”

 

1706

 

A rainy spring night in Dublin, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the car and slammed the door.

Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.

“Where to ?” he stammered.

“Vale Road,” answered the woman. “OK,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror.

The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at ?”

“Well lady, replied the driver, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.”

The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question ?”

Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller ?”

1708

 

 

As if you really needed a reason, here’s why you don’t let your cat play with your Christmas tree.

 

This one is just plain silly, but since I’m trying very hard to make this one just fun stuff, it’s perfect!

Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can’t read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers
when they left — so that they wouldn’t have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure if it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven’t seen them since. The weather isn’t too bad here, it only rained twice last week.  The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don’t make the last payment on Grandma’s grave, up she comes.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet, so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she’s going to call it Mom.
Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down.
There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Your Mum,
PS: I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed when I thunk of it.   1709

Yup.  That will be the next step.

Bastards.

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1710

Dang!  Dang!  Dang!  I could’ve REALLY used that one with the Whelpling when he was growing up!

I’m sorry my campers, it is Saturday morning and I shouild have finished this up yesterday, but I had a horrible reaction to my medicine and I’ve been very sick and out of it for the past 24 hours.  I’m publishing this as is now and hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Impish

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3 Responses to #1467: The Day after Christmas

  1. Maggie says:

    Hoping you had a wonderful Christmas and are feeling better. It’s a good issue and I love the light show vid.

  2. Ginny says:

    So sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well… now is not the time to feel sick. What a fun issue, you made us all laugh with each joke or video. Be very careful with Lethal’s recipes that carry warnings
    for WEAK KNEES…trust me I wound myself on the floor many times. Wishing all a very Happy New Year with good health and happiness.

  3. Hap Watson says:

    A laugh delayed is still a laugh. Don’t worry about satisfying our funny bones when your health is in question. We would rather have you around to tickle us for a long time rather than for a little time. The Happy Camper.

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