Modern Technology my ass!

Today is Friday…you know…yesterday.

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon and … as you can tell from the title … this is the fourth time I have started this issue over FROM SCRATCH!!!

And why you may ask?????

Good question.

I know, I can hear you now, “But Impish, you have the world’s best computer guru as a partner?”

I know.  I know.  But, dragons like to be self-sufficient and rely on their own wits.  So you guys know exactly what I did, right?

Yup, I crawled on my hands and knees and begged.

Lethal Leprechaun has forgotten more about computers than I will ever know in two lifetimes.  And I ain’t no slacker!  And we are both stumped.

My personal thoughts are that my poor little laptop has just gasped its last breath…it was given a shock with the proverbial paddles and we’ve brought it back to life, but it’s just a matter of time.  So, if it makes it to tax time, maybe I’ll get a new one…in the mean time, we’ll keep this one alive with bubblegum and bailing wire.

So, campers, let’s see how far we can get on this issue this time.

 

We’ve just recently received our stats for the website for 2015 from Word Press.  I’d like to share some of them with you throughout the issue today.

Madison Square Garden can seat 20,000 people for a concert. This blog was viewed about 69,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Madison Square Garden, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

The busiest day of the year was May 25th with 612 views. The most popular post that day was DL/LL Memorial Day Issue 2015.

It’s been a good year.  I tried accessing 2014’s numbers but it wouldn’t load for me…go figure.  It’s going to be a better year in 2016!

Woo Hoo!  That’s fantastic!  I just sat down the other night and figured when I was going to be able to retire and I figured 110!  So, that’s five extra years of retirement!  Man, I can hardly wait!

Poor Steve Harvey.  I know that everyone has heard of his Miss Universe Screw Up, well, the jokes are now just flying…here are just a few:

I’m sure you’ll see more as time goes on.

 

We have many dragons working for us at DL/LL Enterprises.  This is Howard.  Howard is one of our lower level security specialists.  He is seen here in the break room on a smoke break.  Some of our dragon employees, such as Howard, are just as ugly in their human form as they are in their dragon form.  Some of Howard’s hobbies include: eating, wine tasting, eating, reading, eating, crochet and eating.

 

Why did I NEVER think about this game when the Whelpling was younger?  I would have really come in handy.

U.S. Army Rescues 47 Sex Slaves From ISIS
The United States Army announced that one of its forward units, in a daring daylight raid, has rescued 47 Sex Slaves from ISIS strongholds.  Here is a picture of the heroes escorting the girls back to freedom.

 

Me neither!

 

 

Yes, I belong to a 12-Step program and this is our Serenity Prayer.

 

Never look at your beer as half-empty.  Look at it as you’re halfway to your next beer.

 

 

How can anyone think that God would create beautiful creatures like women, and then want us to cover them up from head to toe like we’re ashamed of them.  Like an artist who wants you to view his paintings while they are covered in black cloth.  And then he acts like YOU’RE crazy for thinking it’s not normal.

No shit!

 

 

So, now let’s look at things from the other side of the coin:

 

Let’s go back to 2015 stats for the blog.  We had hits from 149 different countries.  But one thing I had to look up, there are only 196 countries all together.  That means we hit 76% of all the countries in the world!  Of course the United States was number one and we had several with just one or two hits like Mali, Estonia, and we had middle of the road countries like Israel, Scotland, and Russia, but can you guess what the number two country was?  How about number 3?

Well, surprisingly, to me, anyway, was number three. 

Number two was Canada, makes sense, but number 3 was Australia.  I didn’t figure that.

Thanks to all of you who made this a very successful year,  no matter where you checked in from.

 

Yup, even some of us dragons have allergies.

Personally, I’m allergic to bullshit.

 

On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident.

Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out” and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.

After three weeks, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.”Yes” he informs the couple “I can get you married in Heaven”.

“Great!” said the couple “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

“You must be bloody joking” says St Peter, red-faced with frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.

“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple”.

“OH, COME ON!” St Peter shouted,  “It took me three weeks to find a Priest up here…

Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a Lawyer?”

 

 

Okay, one more quick stat from the blog…who do you think is the number one commenter, that is, the person who has written the most comments to the comment section of the website?

That’s right!  It was our own Jersey Girl, Ginny.  Not a big surprise when you remember that she’s from New Jersey and we know just how much Jersey Girls love to talk.The big surprise is when you see how MUCH more she commented than the next closest person.  Are you sitting down?  She commented 600% more than the next closest person.  She posted 165 times and our dear Irish Lass commenter Maggie was in second place with 29.

And then in third place was Ginny’s better half, that old fart, Paul.  Great job guys!  Way to make Jersey stand out so well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, I was going to make this next part the Last Word, but it’s not really the Last Word material, so I’ll just call this “The Words Just Before The End.”

Speaking of New Years… (I know, that was a really crappy segue, but this is like the fourth time I’ve written this so give me a break.)

Last night we spent the night at some dear friends house and watched as the ball dropped on 2016.  It was a great time and at midnight, after we had done a shot in toasting the new year, my good buddy gave a great toast to all of them that we have lost.  There was not a dry eye in the house.  We did a second shot with that toast.  I want to share the sentiment of those two toasts with all of you by saying, may this year be the best year for all of us and may we never forget those who have gone before us, and let us take solace in the knowledge that we will all be together again.