The fires are lit and crackling, the coffee and hot chocolate are piping hot and ready, that there are even a few adult beverage additives. Fresh warm pasties and cookies abound but no Lethal. Laying on the podium watch though 1/2 lidded eye Ninja Kitty Clan’s second in command Chai rests directly under the downdraft from one of the HVAC vents contentedly. Once you’re all gathered Friday approached the podium and managers to pry a token protesting for forms sake Chai off the podium before pushing several buttons, smiling to you all and exiting stage rear with a now content Chai purring away in her arm.

As the big screen begins to drop so do the lights. You see Lethal’s study appear on the big screen what appears to be a coal and peat fire going in the hearth and a big bundle of blankets and such in a recliner. On a table beside the recliner sits myriad of electronic devices, cell phone, two tablets a lap top, TV remote plus a box of Kleenex and a thermal mug. A the top of the chair on the side closet to the fire lays SC, Head of the Ninja Kitties, her chin resting contentedly on her paws. She apparently has noticed the light on the camera because she stretches her front legs then reaches down with a big paw to prod the mass of blankets in the chair from which a soft sort of slow  irregular chuffing noise is coming.

A moment later she lifts a  section of blanket by hooking it with her claws and sticks her head under only to loudly “Meow!” at something in the blankets. This seems to garner an unintelligible response from the blankets. SC’s head reappears with a frown. Carefully she makes her way down the blanket pile to a wireless keyboard laying on them and begins one paw typing:

Kat surfants  Hooman Peepulz-

Little green clan patron been da sicks bad since last Twosday.

They took him Vet’s for tree days, den he come home, but now sleeps more than kats do. Molly sez he gets better cause he comes sleeping in chair for a while now, pets kitties and sometimes makes hooman foods.

I try tell him you wuz here but he sleeps hard. His breff sez he took dem hooman treats in the little yellows bottles. Molly gibs him different ones to take all da time. We por kitties only get treats in morning and night and we haf ta come to food dish to get them no delivery like green one gets.

Mebbe he wake you for you later, when he done wif naps. When he first bees ups from nap he almost like old green one but he ned more naps fast after.  I know he had a happy cause some counter was at 299,259 and wanted to tells you bouts it.

No fears, I da watcher kitty, so I know where he put da issue thing I gonna shows you it now.

Yeah, I thought it was a stylized dragon too. Turns out its actually an aboriginal stylized kangaroo. Aboriginal Barista Latte Artists- Who even knew they existed?!

You Know You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When…

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

When someone asks “How are you?” you reply, “Good to the last drop.”

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You ski uphill.

You short out motion detectors.

You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people’s fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”

You can type 60 words per minute …with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

All your kids are named “Joe.”

Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low”.

You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

People get dizzy just watching you.

The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.

People can test their batteries in your ears.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

You want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar”.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

You don’t tan, you roast.

You don’t get mad, you get steamed.

You can’t even remember your second cup.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Your farts smell like espresso.

Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.

You stand in front of the microwave screaming, “Hurry up!”

During a police raid, you are caught shooting freeze dried Folgers in a coffee joint with Mrs. Folgers.

You use meth as a sedative.

Your friends refer to your coffee as elephant stimulant.

Your coffee was the prototype for the alien blood in Aliens.

You rush into the hospital emergency room, suffering from withdrawal and demand, “Quick! Start an I.V.: D5Caffeine. Stat!”

You are arrested for cultivating coffee plants for more than just your own personal use.

When served coffee at a friend’s house, you sometimes add “No Doze” so you get enough caffeine.

 

Dutch Orchestra Walks Out

When the most liberal country in Europe pulls the plug on Islam, the world is beginning to see the light.

Queen Beatrix of The Netherlands attended a concert in the capital, Amsterdam .

The Conductor, who just happens to be Muslim, proceeds to give the Queen a lecture on the “beauty” of Islam. The entire orchestra got up and walked out, refusing to be associated with someone lecturing their queen.

Staff of the music hall escorted the conductor off-stage and after questioning, out of the building.

Now that took courage. Good for the people of Holland .

Watch the walk out. Bet you didn’t see this on your local news.

 

Text Message Exchange Between Mrs. Dragon & Impish-

I call him Darth Minioneia

Crockpot Beef Lasagna Soup

 

This crockpot soup is a fun twist on a classic Italian dish. It’s delicious and easy to make; just dump everything into the crockpot and cook for seven to eight hours during the day. You’ll come home to a savory soup you’re whole family will love!

Time needed : 7-8 hour cooking

Serving Size:  ; 3-5 servings

 

 

Ingredients

• 1 lb. ground beef
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 (10 3/4 oz.) can tomato soup, condensed
• 1 (14 1/2 oz.) can tomatoes, diced
• 2 chicken bouillon cubes
• 2 beef bouillon cubes
• 4 C. water
• 1 1/2 tsp. oregano
• 1 1/2 tsp. basil
• 1 tsp. parsley
• 2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/4 tsp. pepper
• 8 oz. Ricotta cheese
• 8 lasagna noodles, broken into pieces and uncooked
• 12 oz. shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

Combine the onions, tomato soup, diced tomatoes, and tomato sauce and put in the crockpot. Add all the spices and bouillon cubes to the crockpot and pour in the water. Spread the broken uncooked lasagna noodle pieces around the crockpot. Crumble the raw ground beef over the top of the noodles. Cover and cook on low for 7 to 8 hours. 30 minutes before serving, stir in the Ricotta cheese and serve with shredded mozzarella cheese on top

German-Style Lentil and Sausage Soup

 

Even if you aren’t a fan of lentils, this hearty soup will hit the spot this fall! This soup is bursting with flavors and brimming with sausage, carrots, garlic, and various other herbs and spices that will have you going back for seconds!

Time needed: 8-10 hours cooking

Serving Size:  8 servings

 

 

Ingredients

• 1 lb. dried brown lentils, rinsed and drained
• 10 C. chicken broth
• 1 lb. carrots, grated
• 2 Tbs. minced garlic
• 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
• 1/4 tsp. hot pepper sauce
• 1 bay leaf
• 2 Tbs.dried parsley
• 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp. celery salt
• 1/2 tsp. pepper
• 1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
• 1-2 C. kielbasa sausage, cubed
• apple cider vinegar, for serving, optional

Directions

Put the lentils in the bottom of a crockpot. Add in the chicken broth, carrots, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, hot pepper sauce, parsley, garlic powder, celery salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Stir in the sausage. Cover and cook until the lentils are tender, about 8 to 10 hours. Before serving remove the bay leaf and add 1 Tbs. apple cider vinegar, if desired.

 

Maybe Lucky was smarter than I gave him credit for when he went into the cereal business

Good Morning Campers!

Today is January 23rd, and it’s also…. drumroll please!

A spotlight appears focused on the back of the darkened stage.  Terrance the Troll is sitting behind a drum set with a huge grin on his face.  He nods once and begins a drumroll.

…Measure Your Feet Day!

Terrance follows up the drumroll with a rim shot! Everyone in the crowd laughs politely, while Impish makes a cutting gesture across his throat and the spotlight goes out.  Impish pauses a second and just as he begins to speak again, from the back of the darkened stage comes the unmistakable sound of the drum tease: bah-dump-bump.

As I was saying, today is Measure Your Feet Day… another rim shot from the back…okay Terrance, knock it off.  When we investigated this holiday, (we checked one website, Holiday Insights) we found this incredibly in-depth information:

Measure Your Feet Day

Date When Held : Event is always January 23

Measure Your Feet Day is a day to, well it’s a day to measure your feet. At this point, we stop and ask ourselves…why? We pondered this question for a while. Then, we decided it was best not to even speculate.

Celebrate today by measuring your feet. Both of them. Measure the length. Then, measure the width. For a little fun, see if you can measure someone else’s feet.

Note: We are so glad that congress did not spend the time to declare this a “National” day…..yet

---

Origin of Measure Your Feet Day:

Sorry,  but our research failed to discover who created this day, when it was created,  or why in the world it was created. We sure would like to meet them, and his/her feet.

We did find some reference to this day having once been on January 30th.

A holiday to celebrate indeed!

Monday: As I’m writing to you today, it is Monday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  It is 1° F outside, but with the blowing wind, if feels like -14°F.  The kids were on a 2 hour delay as of last night, but then this morning the school called and cancelled school all together due to the bitter cold. 

I have the day off.  Thanks Martin.

As you can tell from today’s header, it’s not a good idea to remind Lethal how … um … odd it is for someone who lives in Texas to complain about the cold.  I was given lines to write on the chalk board and the picture shows me as I just finished up the last of them.  It doesn’t show you the other 225 chalk boards in the rest of our school that I had to fill first.

Anyway, My fish pond is completely froze over.

As you can see, the pond is completely froze over except for the fountain, which has created it’s own partial ice dome and the heater, which keeps a hole in the ice so carbon dioxide can escape and oxygen can get in because, believe it or not, all my little fishes are alive under there.  Which has got to be one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.  They are some tough little fish.

I’m wearing a black armband today and probably for the rest of the football season because my Packers lost on Saturday night.  It was a really good game, right up until the 2nd play in overtime. 

Sigh.

So now the final four are:
New England Patriots at Denver Broncos
and
Arizona Cardinals at Carolina Panthers

I’ve got nobody left to cheer for.  I don’t like…let me change that…I DISLIKE both the Patriots and the Broncos and I’m ambivalent about the Cardinals and the Panthers.  I suppose I could cheer for the Cardinals in the spirit of “the team that beat my team” kind of thing, but …. I don’t know.  We’ll have to see.  Maybe Mrs. Dragon has a favorite and I can cheer in sympathy with her.

But, one thing is for sure, the Broncos / Patriots game will be an exciting one with the Manning / Brady rivalry.  And it could be Payton’s last game.

 

 

This one just cracked me up!  What a GREAT picture!

 

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are badly damaged, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says: “Wow, look at our cars – there’s nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other.”

The man replies: “Oh yes, I agree with you completely.”

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says: “Here’s another miracle. Somehow this bottle of whisky from my back seat didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink it and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and drinks about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks: “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies: “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police – I’ll let them decide whose fault it is.”

Women are sneaky, evil, cunning and not to be trusted.  Wait.  That’s politicians.  Politicians are sneaky, evil, cunning and not to be trusted.

Women are fun to play with.

 

 

Sounds really familiar.

 

 

 

“I found him.  Can I keep him?”
But is it the boy or the dragon who asks?

 

 

 

 

This has been announced several times, but people are still being sucked in by this…so here again is a STRONG WARNING!

Event: IRS Warns of Phone Scam

Location: Nation-wide

Source: RTV6

Synopsis: Beware! The Internal Revenue Service is warning of a widespread and troublesome phone scam. This tax season, criminals are masquerading as representatives of the IRS and are calling taxpayers demanding payments, and threatening prison time. The scammers are relentless.

As RTV6 was interviewing 80-year-old Virginia Cristoph, she received her third scam call of the day. She has been ignoring the threats. “Common sense tells you in today’s world you have to go ahead and be careful, watch out for yourself. When you’re 80 years old, you have to act like you’re 80 years old with some sense,” Cristoph said.

Since 2013, at least 5,000 victims have paid out more than $26 million.

According to the IRS, they will never call you and demand immediate payment. The real IRS will never threaten you, whether that is a threat of foreclosing your house, deporting you, or sending the police out to arrest you.

So, understand, that if someone calls claiming to be from the IRS, just hang up.

 

I’ve told you before, that Pizza is God’s food, one of the few food items you’ll be able to get in heaven.

 

If you are over 65 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer’s Test How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM 2. F_ _K 3. P_N_S 4. PU_S_ 5. S_X 6. BOO_S

Answers:

1. RANDOM 2. FORK 3. PANTS 4. PULSE 5. SIX 6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong…didn’t you? The good news is: You do NOT have Alzheimer’s.  You are a pervert.

Okay, so yes, I did get each of them wrong.  And yes, I know already, I am a pervert.

Snopes says that this story is undetermined, so you can take the truthfulness of it with a grain of salt.  Some of the descriptions don’t ring true, but heck, it is a FUNNY story.

Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.

She then sent it to radio station 103 .5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Read his letter below..

Hi Sharon,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office.  I know you’ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it’s not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office.

It’s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It’s like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.

So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit.

Now, since I don’t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn’t stick to it, however, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t shit for two days because my ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you’re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass.

Now repeat to yourself, ‘I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.’

Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day! !!!!

 

This is an action shot of one of our security team in action.  The male security guard is pretending to be completely overwhelmed by the evil female spy. 

Although, I must admit, he did too good a job of pretending and she ended up breaking all the way in to our facility and was stopped by other members of the security detail.

 

I like top ten lists.  And this one is especially good.  And I admit that I agree with just about every one of these.

Top Ten Things Men / Women Would Do If They Woke Up With A
Vagina / Penis For A Day:

I’d say it’s worth a try!

 

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

“Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.”

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!”

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough?

 

 

 

 

And now it’s Friday.

Big snow coming to the East Coast.  From New York to the Carolinas it’s going to snow!  Washington D.C. is supposed to get 2 feet!  Hee, Hee, Hee!  I can’t help it.  Those damn elected officials don’t do anything anyway, but now they’ve actually got an excuse…except no one will be there.  They will have already left.

A dear old friend, from the beginning days of Dragon Laffs when it was still emailed out somewhat daily, Jeannie who goes by Gracie…or is it Gracie, who goes by Jeannie.  Not really sure because I think she’s been messing with me all these years, but anyway, she writes:

See, I don’t understand that.  Why is it that every time it snows, the grocery stores immediately sell out of Milk, Eggs and Bread?  Why is there such a strong desire to make French Toast just because it snows?  You’d think that snow shovels, salt and warm clothes would sell out, but no.  It’s breakfast.

 

Good question!  It would’ve prevented a lot of the suicides as well.  But that would have just been an added benefit.

HILLARY’S CAMPAIGN DEEPLY DAMAGED: ACCUSES OBAMA APPOINTEE OF SABOTAGE

The Clinton campaign is scrambling.

The Washington Times – Hillary Clinton is vehemently disputing new charges that she sent top-secret information from a nonsecure email account while at the State Department, but analysts say the scandal has already damaged her so deeply that her presidential ambitions are at risk.

Mrs. Clinton’s messages contained some information classified above “top secret,” the intelligence community’s inspector general said in a letter to Congress this week. Fox News reported Thursday that the information is so sensitive that even senators, who already have clearance, must go through additional hoops if they want to see some of what she was sending. (Keep in mind, boys and girls, that Gen Petraeus was prosecuted for one (1) single instance of this, and the information he released to his ghost writer (and mistress) was not classified anywhere NEAR this high.  Clinton has hundreds, if not thousands of instances!  And she’s STILL running for president?!)

The Clinton campaign responded by accusing the inspector general, I. Charles McCullough, appointed by President Obama, of politically motivated leaks to sabotage her campaign. (Sure, because if nobody found out, she wouldn’t have done anything wrong.  It’s only wrong or a lie if you get caught.)

Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders’ ‘likability’ factor has garnered him a continual rise in his poll numbers. Clinton has been working to paint a picture of him as likable – yes – but, not able to deliver on his promises.

“In theory there’s a lot to like about some of his ideas, but in theory isn’t enough. A president has to deliver in reality,” said Mrs. Clinton of her opponent in a recent speech. (Just like you delivered in Benghazi!  Bitch!)

Sorry Hillary – the ‘reality’ for you is – the voters don’t trust you.   You don’t belong in the presidency. You belong in jail. (And I ask you, dear Campers, and in extension, you, the American public, why the hell isn’t she IN JAIL?)

 

So…if you think the North Koreans Are Stupid…

 

Stephan Pastis is such an ass!  LOL!  But he’s my kind of ass!  I love this guy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think for today, I’ll let one of my favorite Americans have the Last Word:

“Socialism only works

in two places:

Heaven where they don’t need it

and hell where they already have it.”

-Ronald Reagan  

 

‘Here’s my strategy on

the Cold War:

We win, they lose.’

– Ronald Reagan

 

‘The most terrifying words

In the English language are:

I’m from the government

and I’m here to help.’

-Ronald Reagan

 

‘The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.’

-Ronald Reagan

 

‘Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the  U.S. was too strong.

– Ronald Reagan

‘I have wondered at

times about what the

Ten Commandments would

have looked like if Moses

had run them through

the U.S. Congress.

-Ronald Reagan

‘The taxpayer:

That’s someone who works

for the federal government

but doesn’t have to take the

civil service examination.’

– Ronald Reagan

‘Government is like a baby:

An alimentary canal with a

big appetite at one end and

no sense of responsibility

at the other.’

– Ronald Reagan

‘The nearest thing to eternal

life we will ever see on this earth

is a government program.’  

– Ronald Reagan

‘It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession.

I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.’

– Ronald Reagan

‘Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:

If it moves, tax it.

If it keeps moving, regulate it.

And if it stops moving,

subsidize it.’

– Ronald Reagan

‘Politics is not a bad profession.

If you succeed,

there are many rewards;

if you disgrace yourself,

you can always write a book.’

– Ronald Reagan

‘No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.’

– Ronald Reagan

‘If we ever forget that we’re one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.’

-Ronald Reagan

Good Morning Campers,

Well, it’s Monday and I finished up with my weekend yesterday.  Even though I was working, I got home in time to see the Vikings blow a last second shot to continue in the playoffs and I also got to see my Packers finally show up to play a game like they usually do when they played the Redskins. 

Mind you, the Packers didn’t show up for the first half…well…most of the first half.  They started the game with a safety.  Not for them, against them.  It was the first time the Redskins scored a safety since 1984!  Then they scored a field goal and it was 5-0 in favor of Washington.

The Redskins then scored a touchdown and missed the extra point and the Packers were at an eleven point deficit.  Long story short, the Packers won, 35-18.  It was a good game!

Well, I’m writing this on Wednesday, before the Record Breaking Powerball drawing tonight.  $1.5 billion!  that’s $1,500,000,000!  We could put a huge dent in the country’s deficit!

Couldn’t we?

Well, $1.5 Billion is less than one-half of one percent of what the budget is, in other words, we’d have to win $1.5 Billion 12,000 times in order to pay off the deficit.

I know, sad, isn’t it?

Here’s how to decipher what your losing Power Ball ticket:

  And just as a point of reference, if you are reading this, that means that neither I nor anyone in my family won the lottery.

Just saying.

I love Lethal’s Leprechaun Laffs.  I love the fact that he takes so much time to work his issue, putting a whole theme together, but it cracked me up as he tried to warm up from his deep freeze.  Let’s just take this morning as a random example:

Just saying.

I know that Lethal is originally a New England kid, like myself, so I know that he knows what I’m saying.  There is a huge difference in where you live and what you’re used to. 

I do want to say thanks to Lethal Leprechaun, my brother from another mother, my pal, my partner and cohort in crime.  Thanks for taking the time to put as much effort into your issues that you do.  I wish I had the time, like I used to have.  But, you guys just wait till I’m retired!  You guys just wait until I have lots and lots of time to work on my issue. 

When will I retire?

The way I figure it, I can retire when I reach the ripe old age of 75!

So yeah, I got a ways to go.

And here’s one that I just got from Jean that perfectly ties in with what we’ve been talking about:

 

Well, today is Thursday and you ARE reading this on Saturday, so I guess you all know that I did NOT win the lottery.  And I thought I had some pretty good ideas as to how to use the money.

Of course, I’d do the regular things like paying off my bills, my house, by a new car, stuff like that, but I’d also like to do some really unexpected things and try to make a little difference in some people’s lives.

Go to a restaurant and order a cup of coffee and leave a $500 tip…just to watch the reaction on the waitress’s face.

Buy my favorite restaurant for one night.  Close the place down for a night and have a party, to include all the restaurant staff.  They could cook and stuff and still have a good time at the party.

I’d build a dart hall for the league I play in.  Hire a bartender, and have a cook with a kitchen and support it financially by myself.

I’d send a thousand dollars to all of you who’ve contributed to us over the years, without telling you of course.

I’ve got several friends who are struggling financially, who are working their asses off just to make ends meet (just like me), I wouldn’t give them money, but I’d pay off all their bills so they wouldn’t have to work so hard.

Things like that.  I’d make financial arrangements so that I would never have to work again and could do what I want to do, like write, sail, travel, help people, and other things.

I’d make a very special trip to Houston and finally meet my brother Lethal in the flesh.  Nope, him and I have never met.

Anyway, if wishes were fishes …

So, now I can say: Come on Campers, on with the show!

Poor Hillary!  She’s being picked on so hard!

 

it’s funny how all the trust goes away when a man is looking for the remote.

“Are you sitting on the remote?”

-“No”

“Stand up!”

 

 

Wow.  I knew they weren’t the toughest of cars, but I honestly thought it was tough enough to handle a dog and here we have proof that it can’t.

 

 

My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.  Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out.

After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.) Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before.”

The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them……I just never saw one mounted and framed.”

I want to know how they got Porn inside that little can!!!

 

 

I really, really like this one.  Telling someone they are an idiot without using any bad language or derogatory comments at all.  Definitely got to get me some of these.

 

Philadelphia police caught a Muslim who tried to kill a cop in the name of Allah Friday. The same day FBI caught two Iraqis plotting ISIS attacks in Texas and California. President Obama plans to host a town hall to discuss how climate change results in gun ownership and white privilege.

Every time my cop friends come over to the cavern, the first thing they ask is, “Did you file a police report?” 

When I ask why, they reply, “You were obviously robbed since they obviously tossed the place.”

I laugh, they laugh.

Then they ask, “Should we check for bodies?”

I laugh, they scowl.

 

This next one really pissed me off when I read it.  Thanks to Jean for sending it in.

$75K a year!  That’s half again what I make in a year.  I’m the sole provider in my home, I average 50 hours a week, and I’m pissed that I not only have to work that hard and that I’ll probably never “retire” in the true sense of the word, but that we’re struggling to make ends meet and we have to support these assholes as well!

If this isn’t incentive enough for you to get out and vote those morons out of office in Washington, then you need to just go back in your hole while the rest of us deal with saving this country!

 

 

I know that she sort of looks like a dragon and I know you’re thinking that female dragons are hot!  But she is not a dragon, she is a demon or fallen angel.  And fallen angels can be lots of fun, too!

 

 

What the hell is a Ciara?

 

Oh!!!!
The National Anthem lady.

8 hours isn’t going to be enough time. 

 

An early picture of Dumbo, with both parents.

Ain’t nothing worse than a drunken old goat.  I know that from experience.

 

 

 

Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced he will propose a Constitutional amendment returning power to the states from Washington. The state inherently resists federal controls. Beginning this new year, Texans may carry handguns in public places but they must conceal their Confederate flags.

ONLY IN AMERICA

 

 

 

 

Hillary Clinton was revealed in her e-mails on Friday to have circumvented classification rules when she e-mailed secret material while Secretary of State. It’s alarming. If Hillary’s indicted before the election, it could end the Clinton dream of being America’s first two-impeachment family.

More businesses need to be sensitive to this.  If you are selling grownup stuff, then you need to limit your clientele to grownups.

 

It’s the honest truth.  Since Obama started his bullshit gun thing, gun sales and ammo sales has gone through the roof.  I’m paying about twice as much for ammo (if you can even find the caliber you’re looking for) now than I did even a couple of years ago.  All the guys I know who own guns, which is just about all the guys I know, have had the same experience.  The gun shows are packed, prices have gone through the roof and there is a shortage on a lot of the ammo and guns are.  Thank you Obama.

And then there is this problem…and it’s worse than all the others.  Global warming is our biggest problem?  You are either evilly smart or you’re living under a rock.  Personally, I believe it to be the former.

 

Okay, I’ve groaned too many times over this comic.  That’s it for today.

 

 

Obviously, what else would it be?

 

 

 

 

Oh, if only!!!  A true paradise!!

 

 

Retired Veteran with a Smart Wife:
Early one morning, an elderly retired veteran just finished a piece of artwork he had been working on and yelled to his wife, “Honey! Come see what I created! It’s an abstract panorama, depicting the seven years of the Obama administration!”

She yelled back, “Flush the toilet Bob and come eat your breakfast!”

 

Here’s another great video sent in by my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior.  It tells the story behind this iconic and famous picture. 

 

 

Okay, one more video you’ll have to click a link on to get to, but this one is absolutely hilarious!!!  This one, too was sent in by my Dad and it’s Donald Trump’s Bed Time Story.

https://www.facebook.com/100008147201796/videos/1667421816872709/

 

 

Today’s Last Word comes to us from  K².  It is an essay written as an analogy.  And it’s very, very good.  Thanks Karl!

You know, I’m not a fan of Trump.  Not at all.  But, the essay does make a lot of sense.  He’s not tied to anyone financially.  He speaks straight truth, even when we don’t like it.  He’s pro military and against the illegals, welfare as a life choice and many other things that we have espoused here at Dragon Laffs & Leprechaun Laffs Enterprises.  I’d love to hear from you guys as to who you think is a GOOD choice to run our country and get us out of the mess we are in.

And with that I’ll say good-bye until next time.

Warning: You might discover typos, grammatical errors, misspellings, and other flaws in the following writing. If this offends you or you feel the need to feel superior and point out every error please stop reading now. Thank you.

As you leave the elevator you can smell the competing odors of hot coffee & chocolate, the freshly baked pastries the Patrons enjoy and the day old donuts the rest of you get all wrapped up in and wafted to you by the scent of the peat fire Lethal always lights in the stove when its chilly out. The Patrons are all snug in their recliners ensconced with their beverage of choice, lap blankets and in a few cases a Ninja cat who favors them for an early morning nap.

Lethal has once again broken out his fleece wear, fingerless gloves and watch cap collection. Until you entered he’d been fussing with the stove, trying to coax a few extra BTUs out of it while alternately warming hands and arse in front of it. When he sees you he carefully places the fire tools back on their stand and steaming coffee in hand makes his way to the podium.

Morning folks~

Our temps here in Texas are going up and down faster than than a paddle ball’s ball yet never actually reaching warm. Just about the time we get to with in putting distance of warm another cold front replete with rain/sleet/hail come roaring through. Consequently as you can see Keebler Towers is tightly shuttered against the cold.

A couple things of note before we get to the issue. Next week marks the 333rd issue of Leprechaun Laughs. While granted not a normal mile stone observed it will be a bit of a special issue in that it will be themed. Recently I’ve gotten a couple private comments from non regular readership of the holy roller variety who somehow stumbled upon an issue and have taken it upon themselves to judge me in place of my creator and inform me I was going to hell. As many of you know such hubris and hypocrisy does not sit well with me and is a large part of my problem with organized religion. From where I sit on the problem anyone presuming to speak for an omnipotent and omnipotent deity should immediately self immolate burning away to ash as a warning. Unfortunately things don’t work that way with religion. You just have to have ‘faith’ they’re going to get their just due in the end.

Anyway as a result of these notes I got to thinking how 333 was half of 666 (the biblical number of the beast). Ergo I figured the issue, given I was bound for hell in a custom built hand basket, anyway might as well be half evil. You see what I mean next week.

Secondly while exercising my administrative and maintenance functions with the WordPress site I noticed we’re creeping you on another milestone, this one worthy of note simply because we’ve never actually known the information before. That is that we are rapidly approaching 300,000 total hits on the blog since it started. Now that really doesn’t sound like much when you compare it against the millions of hits and views some sites and videos get, but when you realize we’ve less than 500 registered viewers and put out only twice a week that means we should be generating roughly 1000 hits per week. It should take 300 years for us to generate 300K in hits under these conditions and it has not. When I checked we were about 2700 hits away or so. I’ll try and see that Impish ort I let you know when we hit that mile stone.

And now without further delay, largely because I’m freezing and can’t wait to get back to my nice peat fire warmed office and a fresh pot of coffee, let’s light this puppy and watch it take off.

Them darn Ninja cats! You never know where you’ll find one watching you!

 

And now from our only in New Jersey files…

New Jersey woman gets sued for writing ‘adult child support’ on memo line of alimony checks to ex-husband

A New Jersey woman is being sued by her ex-husband for writing resentful messages like ‘loser,’ ‘bum’ and ‘adult child support’ in the memo line of her alimony checks to him.

Diane Wagner’s ex-husband, Francis Wagner, claims he suffered emotional distress from the nasty memos and that they exacerbated his health problems, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court in Morristown, N.J.

A New Jersey woman is being sued by her ex-husband for writing resentful messages like ‘loser,’ ‘bum’ and ‘adult child support’ in the memo line of her alimony checks to him.

Diane Wagner’s ex-husband, Francis Wagner, claims he suffered emotional distress from the nasty memos and that they exacerbated his health problems, according to a lawsuit filed in Superior Court in Morristown, N.J.

“As far as I’m concerned I can write anything I want on the memo line because it’s a note to myself. I was the victim in that marriage. What more blood does he want from me? I pay him religiously,” Wagner, 57, told the Daily Record.

Wagner, of Hopatcong, N.J., divorced her 61-year-old former hubby after a 10-year marriage because of his heavy drinking, she told the Daily Record, and was forced to cut him checks for $800 a month in alimony to supplement his disability checks.

She paid the alimony out in weekly payments.

Wagner found out she was being sued when she discovered a photo of one of her alimony checks posted on her husband’s law firm’s Facebook page.

“Adult child support,” read the memo line on the check Trautman & Trautman posted to their social media page.

“Alimony for the man! What’s funny is that the now ex-wife so hated paying our client–the husband–$800 per month for the next six years as alimony and she had written Alimony/Adult Child Support in the memo of the weekly checks–until we put a stop to the harassment,” the law firm posted to their Facebook page.

After the law firm wrote Wagner a threatening letter, she didn’t change her tune.

Instead, she started writing FOAD in the memo line: “f–k off and die. “

Diane Wagner said the acronym is her private notation to herself, not an expletive. Francis Wagner could not immediately be reached.

The lawsuit also alleges that a bank error in the spring resulted in a $5,000 deposit by Francis Wagner being accidentally placed in a joint account with his ex-wife.  The lawsuit contends that Diane Wagner learned of the accidental deposit and withdrew the money. She told the Daily Record she did not do anything wrong.

The lawsuit is seeking unspecified compensation for the alleged emotional distress.

“A reasonable person under similar circumstances could not be expected to endure such harsh and extreme abuse that is being applied by the defendant in her compounding intentional acts designed to hurt the plaintiff,” the lawsuit said

Apparently sucking a person’s financial life out through their wallets is still only ok for women despite their demands for equality.

Shot at my local auto care center last week. They don’t have a cat but came in that morning to find it sleeping in the basket. It never even moved when we applied the pens and turned it into a furry pencil cup for the shot. The working theory is it stowed away under one of the cars that were kept in the shop over night.

Strong with the flush this one is hmm?

Banish these words in 2016, school says

(Melonyce McAfee, CNN) If the phrase “break the Internet” makes you want to break your computer monitor, you’re not alone.

Lake Superior State University in Michigan has released its annual list of words and phrases that it says should be banished in the new year. That pithy phrase, popularized by a November 2014 Paper magazine cover story on Kim Kardashian, makes the cut.

The 2016 list also includes the notion of starting a sentence with the word “so,” calling issues “problematic,” describing the way a fellow sits as “manspreading” and declaring that something positive is “giving me life!”

The school solicits public input on its website year-round to pick a list of words we can all do without. Its official title: “List of Words Banished from the Queen’s English for Mis-Use, Over-Use or General Uselessness.”

“Through the years, LSSU has received tens of thousands of nominations for the list, which now includes more than 800 entries,” according to a statement from the school. “Word-watchers target pet peeves from everyday speech, as well as from the news, fields of education, technology, advertising, politics and more. A committee makes a final cut in late December.”

Dictionary.com names 2015 word of the year

The school shares arguments for word banishment on its website, like this submission in opposition to the opener “so”:

“Tune in to any news channel and you’ll hear it. The word serves no purpose in the sentence and to me is like fingernails on a chalkboard. So, I submit the extra, meaningless, and overused word ‘so,’ ” said Scott Shackleton of Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan.

Several submitters found the word “problematic,” well, problematic.

“Anything that the speaker finds vaguely inconvenient or undesirable, such as an opposing political belief or bad traffic. Contrast things that are self-evidently taken to be problematic with, say, actual problems like a hole in the ozone layer or a job loss,” said Adam Rosen of Asheville, North Carolina.

Business-speak such as “stakeholder,” “walk it back,” “presser” and “price point” grated on many nerves in 2015.

“Often used with ‘engagement.’ If someone is disengaged, they’re not really a stakeholder in the first place. LSSU, please engage your stakeholders by adding this pretentious jargon to your list,” asked Gwendolyn Barlow of Portland, Oregon.

See the 2016 list in all its glory here.

The 2015 list included “bae,” “polar vortex,” “swag,” “foodie” and “cra-cra.”

The tradition was started on New Year’s Day in 1976 by university public relations director Bill Rabe and kept alive after his departure in 1987.

Definition of Obliviot :. 1. (n.) Someone who is completely unaware of their idiocy.
2. (n.) Synonym for a Democrat or Liberal.

                          

This is an Election Year, and I have a dream….

It was the day before a big presidential election primary, and hordes of candidates from both parties arrived to campaign. As environmentalism was identified as a major issue in the state, the candidates curried favor by deciding to ride from town to town in the same bus.

All went well until sunset, when the bright sun on the horizon blinded the bus driver at a critical curve on a rural road. The driver missed the curve and the bus overturned. A farmer saw it happen and drove over in his tractor to help.

Two hours later, the farmer was back at his farmhouse and called the sheriff to report the accident.

“What took you so long to call?!” demanded the sheriff.

“I had to bury them all,” the farmer said.

“What?!” the panicked sheriff screamed. “They were all dead? Every single candidate for president?!”

“Well,” the farmer drawled, “they were politicians, after all.”

“What do you mean?” the sheriff said.

“Well, some of ’em said they weren’t dead, but I din’t believe ’em.”

 

Seem turning a blind eye to 50,000 homeless Vets, largely ignoring the effects of Agent Orange and sending troops out in Body armor &/or vehicles that are easily defeated while screwing with the burials of Veterans here at home by denying them a religious graveside service just isn’t enough for the Liberals in charge. They’ve found a new group to kick around, dishonor and disrespect by going back on their word and for this group it’s the norm not something new!

Arlington Cemetery bars remains of female WWII pilot; family fights back

Elaine Harmon and her comrades flew Army planes across the country. They helped train pilots in how to operate aircraft and instruments. They towed targets behind them while soldiers below fired live ammunition during training. Harmon was aware that her service might cost her life – for 38 other women, it did.

But few people in 1944 wanted Harmon or women like her to be part of the military. Not Harmon’s mother, who believed that Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASPs) “were all just awful, just probably loose women” and was ashamed that her daughter would be one of them. Not civilian male pilots, who felt threatened by the female recruits. And not Congress, which voted down a bill that would have granted the female pilots military status for fiscal and political reasons.

As World War II drew to a close, the program was disbanded and largely forgotten. It wasn’t until the Air Force began accepting women for pilot training in 1970 that anyone remembered women had flown for the military previously, and it was not until 1977 that the WWII female pilots were finally granted veteran status.

Harmon, who helped campaign for WASPs to get that status, was at the very first full veteran’s funeral for a WASP in 2002. It was a world apart from the brief affairs she’d attended before, when urns containing the women’s ashes were unceremoniously placed inside an outdoor structure at Arlington National Cemetery. It made Harmon proud to know that she too would be afforded full military honors when her time came – in April of last year.

Which is why Terry Harmon, Elaine’s 69-year-old daughter, was angered when Secretary of the Army John McHugh reversed the old rule and said that ashes of WASPs can no longer be inurned at Arlington.

“These women have been fighting this battle, off and on, for over 50 years now,” Terry Harmon told the Associated Press.

Now Harmon’s relatives are working to overturn McHugh’s decision. A change.org petition to incoming Secretary of the Army Eric Fanning asking him to make WASPs and other “active duty designees” eligible for inurnment at Arlington has garnered more than 28,000 signatures as of Wednesday morning. Terry Harmon also hopes that Congress will bring the issue up at Fanning’s confirmation hearing.

The WASPs were formed midway into World War II, when the huge numbers of service members being sent overseas meant the military was in need of pilots who could ferry planes around the country, test-fly repaired aircraft and help with combat pilot training. According to the AP, General Henry H. “Hap” Arnold, who commanded the Army Air Forces in World War II, created the WASPs intending for the women pilots to gain full military status, but Congress never approved it.

Harmon, a 25-year-old from Maryland with a husband overseas, joined up in 1944.

The civilian pilot’s training program needed to qualify for the WASPs required a parent’s permission, which Harmon knew her disapproving mother would never grant. So she quietly sent the permission forms to her father’s office, she said in a 2006 interview, and he signed them instead.

“Back in those days, women weren’t expected do things like this, and so many people were against the idea of women flying, endangering their lives,” she said.

During training in Sweetwater, Texas, Harmon and the other women in the roughly 1,000-person paramilitary program lived according to military standards. They lived in uninsulated concrete barracks and dressed in the closest approximation of a uniform they could find (the WASPs weren’t issued uniforms by the Army until well into the program).

“We fully expected – we’d been told we’d be taken into the military eventually,” she said in 2006. “We took the same oath of office that the men took. We drilled. . . . We went to bed at night with taps, and we got up in the morning with reveille.”

But the female pilots were not considered true members of the military. They earned less, for one thing. They weren’t given insurance to fly. They got no GI benefits. During training, they paid for their own food, room and board. Harmon recalled how, when a woman in the program got into an accident and was killed, the other WASPs passed a hat around to collect money to send her body home – the Army wouldn’t pay for it.

Throughout the summer of 1944 Congress was considering a bill that would have militarized the WASPs. But it seemed unlikely to pass.

“There was a lot of negativeness about taking us into the military because at that point there was a lot of politics, for one thing,” Harmon explained in 2006. “We were told keep our mouths shut, don’t do anything. We were good little girls, and we did that.”

“Today,” she continued, “we wouldn’t have done that.”

By the time Harmon graduated from training in November 1944 and flew out to her station at Nellis Air Force Base in Nevada, it was clear that her days as a pilot were numbered. She was among of the second to last class of WASPs before the program was disbanded the following month.

Records of the WASP program were classified for 35 years after the end of the war, according to the Baltimore Sun.

“She said the reason the program was kept secret was because the government was afraid if enemy nations found out the USA was ‘so desperate’ to allow women to fly planes, it would be seen as a weakness,” Harmon’s granddaughter, Erin Miller of Silver Spring, Md., told the Sun last year.

Whether or not that suspicion was correct, recognition was a long time coming for the WASPs after the war. They were only recognized as veterans in 1977. But in 2009, some 200 still-living WASPs were awarded the Congressional Gold Medal – the highest civilian honor bestowed by Congress.

She looked forward to being interred at Arlington, among the women she served with, her family said.

But Army spokesman Paul Prince told the Associated Press that WASPs are only eligible for burial at cemeteries run by the Department of Veterans Affairs; Arlington is run by the Army and its superintendent had no authority to allow WASPs’ remains into the cemetery, he said.

Arlington, which is running out of room, faces increasing pressure over eligibility requirements for interment, according to the Associated Press, and strict rules govern whose ashes can be laid to rest there. The rule that bars WASPs also covers tens of thousands of others who served in paramilitary or other capacities. In fact, the most-affected group is the Merchant Marine, which had nearly 250,000 members serve during WWII.

But Harmon’s family says the WASPs are just asking for what they’ve earned, and that the small number of WASPs remaining seems unlikely to strain the cemetery’s capacity.

The WASPs “are a distinct group of women with the surviving 100-or-so women all in their 90s,” Texas Woman’s University history professor Kate Landdeck told the Associated Press. “It is just mean-spirited for the secretary of the Army to question their value to their country. Again.”

Sorry folks I saw the comments on the blog site about liking the humor only issue Impish turned out. In truth I was going to basically cut the same corners he did with this issue (it’s way easier just to clip and paste a bunch of jokes in no particular order or theme and call it an issue than to have a theme or try arranging a tone or flow to the issue, find recipes tid bits etc. to include) but when I saw this my Irish just got up and started looking for my soap box. I think you can safely conclude from this that as long as I keep finding reports of bullshit  cheap shots at our service mean AND WOMEN by those in our Government, who should be championing them not attempting to erase them and their due, you’ll be hearing from me on the subject.

Sorry but I’m not sorry about it either and I’ll not apologize for it.