The fires are lit and crackling, the coffee and hot chocolate are piping hot and ready, that there are even a few adult beverage additives. Fresh warm pasties and cookies abound but no Lethal. Laying on the podium watch though 1/2 lidded eye Ninja Kitty Clan’s second in command Chai rests directly under the downdraft from one of the HVAC vents contentedly. Once you’re all gathered Friday approached the podium and managers to pry a token protesting for forms sake Chai off the podium before pushing several buttons, smiling to you all and exiting stage rear with a now content Chai purring away in her arm.
As the big screen begins to drop so do the lights. You see Lethal’s study appear on the big screen what appears to be a coal and peat fire going in the hearth and a big bundle of blankets and such in a recliner. On a table beside the recliner sits myriad of electronic devices, cell phone, two tablets a lap top, TV remote plus a box of Kleenex and a thermal mug. A the top of the chair on the side closet to the fire lays SC, Head of the Ninja Kitties, her chin resting contentedly on her paws. She apparently has noticed the light on the camera because she stretches her front legs then reaches down with a big paw to prod the mass of blankets in the chair from which a soft sort of slow irregular chuffing noise is coming.
A moment later she lifts a section of blanket by hooking it with her claws and sticks her head under only to loudly “Meow!” at something in the blankets. This seems to garner an unintelligible response from the blankets. SC’s head reappears with a frown. Carefully she makes her way down the blanket pile to a wireless keyboard laying on them and begins one paw typing:
Kat surfants Hooman Peepulz-
Little green clan patron been da sicks bad since last Twosday.
They took him Vet’s for tree days, den he come home, but now sleeps more than kats do. Molly sez he gets better cause he comes sleeping in chair for a while now, pets kitties and sometimes makes hooman foods.
I try tell him you wuz here but he sleeps hard. His breff sez he took dem hooman treats in the little yellows bottles. Molly gibs him different ones to take all da time. We por kitties only get treats in morning and night and we haf ta come to food dish to get them no delivery like green one gets.
Mebbe he wake you for you later, when he done wif naps. When he first bees ups from nap he almost like old green one but he ned more naps fast after. I know he had a happy cause some counter was at 299,259 and wanted to tells you bouts it.
No fears, I da watcher kitty, so I know where he put da issue thing I gonna shows you it now.
Yeah, I thought it was a stylized dragon too. Turns out its actually an aboriginal stylized kangaroo. Aboriginal Barista Latte Artists- Who even knew they existed?!
You Know You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee When…
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
When someone asks “How are you?” you reply, “Good to the last drop.”
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You short out motion detectors.
You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
You just completed another sweater and you don’t know how to knit.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”
You can type 60 words per minute …with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
All your kids are named “Joe.”
Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low”.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
People get dizzy just watching you.
The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar”.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
You don’t tan, you roast.
You don’t get mad, you get steamed.
You can’t even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Your farts smell like espresso.
Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.
You stand in front of the microwave screaming, “Hurry up!”
During a police raid, you are caught shooting freeze dried Folgers in a coffee joint with Mrs. Folgers.
You use meth as a sedative.
Your friends refer to your coffee as elephant stimulant.
Your coffee was the prototype for the alien blood in Aliens.
You rush into the hospital emergency room, suffering from withdrawal and demand, “Quick! Start an I.V.: D5Caffeine. Stat!”
You are arrested for cultivating coffee plants for more than just your own personal use.
When served coffee at a friend’s house, you sometimes add “No Doze” so you get enough caffeine.
Dutch Orchestra Walks Out
When the most liberal country in Europe pulls the plug on Islam, the world is beginning to see the light.
Queen Beatrix of The Netherlands attended a concert in the capital, Amsterdam .
The Conductor, who just happens to be Muslim, proceeds to give the Queen a lecture on the “beauty” of Islam. The entire orchestra got up and walked out, refusing to be associated with someone lecturing their queen.
Staff of the music hall escorted the conductor off-stage and after questioning, out of the building.
Now that took courage. Good for the people of Holland .
Watch the walk out. Bet you didn’t see this on your local news.
Text Message Exchange Between Mrs. Dragon & Impish-
I call him Darth Minioneia
Crockpot Beef Lasagna Soup
This crockpot soup is a fun twist on a classic Italian dish. It’s delicious and easy to make; just dump everything into the crockpot and cook for seven to eight hours during the day. You’ll come home to a savory soup you’re whole family will love!
Time needed : 7-8 hour cooking
Serving Size: ; 3-5 servings
- 1 lb. ground beef
- 1 onion, chopped
- 1 (10 3/4 oz.) can tomato soup, condensed
- 1 (14 1/2 oz.) can tomatoes, diced
- 2 chicken bouillon cubes
- 2 beef bouillon cubes
- 4 C. water
- 1 1/2 tsp. oregano
- 1 1/2 tsp. basil
- 1 tsp. parsley
- 2 tsp. garlic powder
- 1 tsp. salt
- 1/4 tsp. pepper
- 8 oz. Ricotta cheese
- 8 lasagna noodles, broken into pieces and uncooked
- 12 oz. shredded mozzarella cheese
Combine the onions, tomato soup, diced tomatoes, and tomato sauce and put in the crockpot. Add all the spices and bouillon cubes to the crockpot and pour in the water. Spread the broken uncooked lasagna noodle pieces around the crockpot. Crumble the raw ground beef over the top of the noodles. Cover and cook on low for 7 to 8 hours. 30 minutes before serving, stir in the Ricotta cheese and serve with shredded mozzarella cheese on top
German-Style Lentil and Sausage Soup
Even if you aren’t a fan of lentils, this hearty soup will hit the spot this fall! This soup is bursting with flavors and brimming with sausage, carrots, garlic, and various other herbs and spices that will have you going back for seconds!
Time needed: 8-10 hours cooking
Serving Size: 8 servings
- 1 lb. dried brown lentils, rinsed and drained
- 10 C. chicken broth
- 1 lb. carrots, grated
- 2 Tbs. minced garlic
- 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
- 1/4 tsp. hot pepper sauce
- 1 bay leaf
- 2 Tbs.dried parsley
- 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
- 1/2 tsp. celery salt
- 1/2 tsp. pepper
- 1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
- 1-2 C. kielbasa sausage, cubed
- apple cider vinegar, for serving, optional
Put the lentils in the bottom of a crockpot. Add in the chicken broth, carrots, garlic, Worcestershire sauce, hot pepper sauce, parsley, garlic powder, celery salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Stir in the sausage. Cover and cook until the lentils are tender, about 8 to 10 hours. Before serving remove the bay leaf and add 1 Tbs. apple cider vinegar, if desired.
Maybe Lucky was smarter than I gave him credit for when he went into the cereal business