Due to circumstances beyond our control, Dragon Laffs will be slightly delayed. Please stand by.
Thank you.
(Anybody seen Impish?)
Good Morning Folks!
We’ve lots o’ ground ta be coverin’ this day so if ya all would kindly hurry yourselves about your seatin’ that would be grand.
Now I know most of you noticed the umm..change to your entry atrium. Trust me it was as big a surprise to us as it was to you. Apparently it was a gift from my cousin Marvin Martian. I hasten to add for those of you looking alarmed that it is in fact NOT Impish. I’ve spoken to him but he’s refused to see me or anyone else while in his hidey hole. SO far the statue as resisted all attempts at removal. In fact we can nae even touch the bloody thing with getting knocked arse over tea kettle across the atrium. So it appears for the moment we’re stuck with it where it is until Marvin sees fit to remove or move it.
Mean time as I’ve said, we lots ta be coverin’ so let’s be getting’ on with things shall we?
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, raised his hand and said, “Wedding Cake?”
Lisa, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
After a while, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, and both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer, who had noticed here on his way into the store, became concerned when he came out 40 minutes later and saw her in the same position. He walked over to her car and noticed that Lisa’s eyes were open and that she had very strange expression.
He asked her if she was okay.
Lisa replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
Using his cell phone the man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, the paramedics found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough had hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until the man noticed and came to her aid.
Lisa is blonde…
Blue Bonnets area sure sign of Spring in Texas was well as being the State Flower and protected by law (to say nothing of usually by rattle snakes as well!). In Texas, road trips to view the fields of these wild flowers, are as common in the Spring as Fall Foliage Tours in New England.
The white bluebonnet strain isn’t as uncommon as we might initially think, according to Texas A&M agricultural scientists Jerry M. Parsons, Steve George and Greg Grant. This strain is familiar to local botanists, but it still can be a treat for other Texans to happen upon these albino blooms.
But the strain that is even rarer to come across is the pink bluebonnet strain, according to the A&M scientists. “The pinks were indeed so rare that only four locations throughout the entire state were reported,” the A&M scientists’ journal reads.
A man was in a terrible accident, and his “manhood” was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for “small,” $6,500 for “medium” and $14,000 for “large.”
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected.
“Well, what have the two of you decided?” asked the doctor.
The man answered, “She’d rather remodel the kitchen.”
Did you know that Americans gobble up more than 16 billion (with a B) jelly beans on Easter? Well, now you do. Since Easter is almost here, and National Jelly Bean Day is April 22nd, we got curious about which jelly bean flavors people love most. When we get curious, Candystore.com. digs through over nine years of sales data to find out what the most popular flavor is nationwide, in addition to conducting reader surveys.
Using the CandyStore.com jelly bean sales data from the last nine years and SurveyMonkey and Facebook polls of over 10,000 candy fans, we ranked the most loved jelly bean flavors in all 50 states and the 32 most popular flavors nationally (weighting sales and survey data at 90/10 respectively). Here are the results.
Californians like their grass green, skies blue, and jelly beans black—black licorice that is. You never know someone’s true colors until they show you!
This state ranks 12th in the nation for blueberry production—who woulda thunk it? It also has some of the most blueberry fiends in the country—voting blueberry as its state favorite jelly bean flavor.
New Jersey is home to America’s first baseball game (Hoboken), the world’s longest boardwalk (Atlantic City), and the world’s tallest water tower. With that much history, it’s no surprise New Jersey natives love traditional black licorice jelly beans best.
Everything is bigger in Texas—including the appetite for buttered popcorn flavored jelly beans! When this buttery, savory bean is paired with brisket, barbecue, and other umami flavors Texans love, it tastes divine.
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes, Dad, what is it?” asked the son.
“Don’t be nervous, son. Do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me … your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife…”
1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
2. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there!
3. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.
4. Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
5. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
6. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
7. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
8. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years … even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions!
According to a release by Nathan Rigney, senior tax research analyst at The Tax Institute at H&R Block, it’s April and “this year 4 million more taxpayers are waiting until the last two weeks to file their tax returns.” Further a “new law meant to combat fraud contributed to refund delays, causing more taxpayers to wait to file their returns. But procrastination is not new: in the past, more than one in three taxpayers who filed before the April deadline waited until April to file.”
But there is more about late-season filers.
Last year, they were:
• Not alone: more than 41 million taxpayers waited until April to file.
• More likely to have complex returns: 77 percent of April returns are Form 1040s compared to 67 percent earlier in tax season.
• Still likely to get a refund: 65 percent of April returns got a refund compared to 80 percent of early filers and more likely to get a smaller refund: the average refund was 16 percent lower, but still more than $2,000.
• More likely to get help from a person: tax professionals and volunteers prepare 61 percent of e-filed April returns but only 57 percent of those returns in January to March.
• More likely to paper file: 52 percent of all paper returns were filed during April.
Rigney, the release notes, “advises taxpayers who still have not filed a tax return to file either a return or an extension by the April 18 deadline.
“The monthly penalty for not filing a tax return is 10 times greater than the penalty for not paying in full,” said Rigney in the release. “The best way to avoid this penalty, which could quickly add up to 25 percent to their tax bill, is to file a completed tax return or apply for an extension. However, an extension doesn’t apply to any payments due.”
(“In other words, the extension to file is not an extension to pay for those taxpayers who owe the IRS money. Taxpayers must pay at least 90 percent of their 2016 tax bill by April 18 or they will face late-payment penalties and interest.”)
WOW! That sounds a lot like something our resident Dr. of Quackery would have said!
A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. My penis is orange.” The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy’s penis isn’t orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person’s life.”
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I’m getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.”
So the doc figures this isn’t the reason. He asks the guy, “How’s your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. But the guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!”
So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch porn and eat Cheetos!”
Impish is sure ta be mad at me for using the statues for his title but I’ve always been a Warhol fan. Besides I really think Marvin has talent. If you knew Impish was well as I do you’d see Marvin has clearly captured Impish’s naked essence in the statue.
[Recap from when last we left our favorite (now quite PINK!) Dragon)]
Well, that’s it I guess. I’m out of time.
I can’t find Lethal.
I can’t find Diaman.
I can’t find Ginny.
I have no idea what it is I’m supposed to be doing and I just got this message from Marvin:
The only question is, am I leaving with him as a pink statue or am I staying here. The martians [sic] are all the same. Take you away, probe you in inhuman ways. Drop you like a pink rock.
Hey! Wait! That was it! I had to admit that Marvin was a Martian! And I did that! Several times this issue! I’m safe! I’m Free! I’m …. why am I still pink and what is that blue glow coming from the other room….
Accompanying the blue glow is a brief commotion then a moments silence until one of his (so far ineffective) Troll Bodyguards suddenly calls out in an odd strained voice, “Uhh Boss? Sniff! I think maybe you’d better come out here. Please?”
Impish peers out to see his two bodyguard hanging upside down from the ceiling by one foot, their pants around their ankles. Their normally hirsute backsides are baby bottom bare- aside from what appears to be a fresh tattoo of a small green hand print with orange lettering bearing the legend “I got my butt waxed and fanny spanked my a Martian!”
Marvin is standing hands on hips, glaring in Impish’s direction, amidst numerous members of the Ninja Kitty Clan who are beginning to disperse and investigate this previously unknown to them area. He recognizes Brutus the Brutal and his apprentice Mangler, The Shredder and his sister Slasher, Fafhrd the giant Orange Manx and his pal, (gulp!) The Grey Mouser! This our pink pal realizes represents a goodly portion the the Ninja Cat Clan’s Enforcers &/or wet works crew.
Marvin wrests Impish’s attention away from the Ninja Kitties and calculating his odds of surviving them long enough to make it to the mouse size hole he chiseled in then bathroom wall behind his Dragon sized commode which would get him to the safe room in his safe room by starting to speak.
“Oooo! You’ve made me very very angry! So now, according to you, I AM a Martian…but all Martians are crazy? So NOT the heartfelt flower apology and plea for mercy I was expecting dragonling. Lethal warned me my expectations were considerably higher than your past performances or small brain warranted. In fact he was so positive you’d bungle the apology he told you to write, he took the time to pen this clever little ditty to explain your situation to you well in advance. Ahem!”
[Once again Marvin launches into song, this time to the tune of an Old Hee Haw number ‘Gloom Despair, and Agony on me”)
Marvin or Ninja Catastrophe face thee.
Thy deep dark depression is from excessive misery.
If it weren’t for bad luck this year you’d have no luck at all.
That’s why you find yourself between a Transmorgrafier and a wall!
“I have to say my cousin Lethal really is a clever little bugger to come up the that on the fly. If I could only convenience him money & power were fleeting what we could accomplish together! Sigh! But I’m digressing.
You have managed, in the midst of apologizing to me for insulting me, to insult me yet again! So now you have a choice (he aims the Ray gun at Impish) play a game of whack mouse with these over eager Ninja Kitties, or 24 hours of public service. You’ve got just 5 seconds to decide.”
Impish his vision tunneling in on the business end of the ray gun which appears to be pulsating wastes no time in screaming out “Public Service! I’ll do the 24 hours of Public Service!”
“You have chosen…wisely” intones Marvin, who then proceeds to once again shoot Impish with the the Spaceman Spiff Ray Gun.
“HEY! WHAT THE HELL! I SAID I’D DO THE PUBLIC SERVICE ALREADY!” screams our panicking Pink hero before realizing he’s not shrinking down to mouse size.
“Yes you did, now calm yourself. That shot was necessary to help you look the part for your 24 hours of Public Service. You see Lethal was just informed before I came down here that ISIS attempted a hit on Peter Cottontail. While not successful Peter was seriously wounded. IF this were allowed to stop the paganistic celebratory aspect of Easter frivolity the damage to American morale would be catastrophic and President Trump might… lord only knows what. So- YOU are going to fill in for Peter this year, just like you have for Rudolph in Christmas’s past.”
As Impish listened to Marvin he suddenly found himself craving a huge green salad chockfull of fresh garden vegetables. Wait! He was craving WHAT??!!
“Uhh that beam…what did you do to me?”
“Simple, I made you more Easter Bunnyish to assist you in your Public Service.”
OH NO! Impish attempted to waddle into his bathroom to check his appearance in his mirror. Instead of waddling, to his horror he HOPPED!. Horrified, he looked down at himself, gone were the pink scales, replaced by…PINK FUR! As he attempted to examine himself further, something flopped down in front of his left eye. Momentarily puzzled, Impish reached up and grabbed it to yank it off his face… only to encounter the painful sensation of yanking on his own ear. His ear? OMG! HE HAD BIG PINK FLOPPY EARS TOO! He attempted to swish his tail and was relieved to find that he wasn’t sporting a bunny tail but a fur covered version of his own and that his wings had remained substantially unchanged.
He glared at Marvin. “Any other surprises?”
“Yes now that you mention it. I wouldn’t be eating any Easter chocolate, baskets, Peeps etcetera until after your public service is over. Unless of course you like heaving up all three of your stomachs? Can’t have you gorging on the treats meant for the kids now can we?”
“But Easters is still more than a full 4 days off! Why change me now?!”
“I told you Saturday, before you got stupid with your mouth again, I want to leave and get back home to Mars.”
“So I’m stuck… like this…like some hideous pink freak until you decide to come back?! THATS NOT FAIR!”
“HEY! FURRY PINK DRAGON-RABBIT THING! YOU’D BETTER THINK ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US HAS THE RAY GUN AND UPPER HAND HERE AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME!”
“Sorry” Impish sighed. How DID he always manage to get himself into these predicaments? He didn’t remember getting in this much trouble before taking on Lethal as he partner, legal representation, chief advisor and financial manager. Did he?
“Relax (snicker) Pinky, your 24 hours of public service are up at the end of the annual Easter Egg hunt for your Digital Media Enterprise Employee’s children
Sunday at sundown.
You’re a Game of Thrones guy right?”
Impish not trusting his mouth not to get himself in anymore trouble just mutely nodded.
“Then you’ll understand when I tell you that one of the hidden eggs will be a dragon egg for you. You’ll know it when you spot it trust me. OH! I’d leave all the others alone, unless you like your new look. You understand?”
Impish again nodded mutely.
“Good then I’m out of here…until your mouth runs amuck about Martians again.” A bright blue flash causes Impish to momentarily close his eyes tightly during which time he hears a troll curse word followed by a loud WHUMP! Opening his eyes the 2 troll bodyguards are on the floor in a heap groaning. Marvin and all the Ninja Kitties were nowhere to be seen.
Impish sighs and walks over the the house phone. “Hello? Kitchen? Yeah Impish here. I’d like a double dragon sized Garden salad with every fresh veggie that you’d ever find in a salad. What? No, no bacon. Nope no meat just veggies please. Dressing? Uuhh…nah skip that too just a giant bowl of salad veggies please.
WHAT?! HEY! WISE GUY! HOW’D YOU LIKE TO BE FLAME BROILED?! Just put the damned thing in the elevator, my bodyguards will retrieve my uh dinner.”
Impish went over to his lounging area and flopped down sighing mightily. It was going to be a very long 4 and a half days until Easter was over.
A man goes to see his Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”
“What’s wrong?” the Rabbi asked.
“My wife is poisoning me,” the man replied.
Very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me. What should I do?”
“Tell you what,” the Rabbi said. “Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.”
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?”
“Yes, of course,” the man desperately said.
The Rabbi replied, “Take the poison.”
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues, on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: “Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.”
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself: “I don’t think so.”
Dear Fellow Patriot,
Gun grabbers are shaking in their boots!
After the anti-gunners suffered a massive defeat in the 2016 Presidential Elections, gun owners have an amazing opportunity to LEAVE the U.N. “Small Arms Treaty.”
We must make sure that President Trump takes steps to once and for all remove the United States name from this horrendous treaty!
That’s why it is critical that you fill out your “Official Firearms Sovereignty Survey” right away.
President Trump must know that leaving the U.N. “Small Arms Treaty” is our top priority.
For Freedom,
Dudley Brown
President
National Association for Gun Rights
1. Do you believe the United States Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Second Amendment are the Supreme Law of the Land?
Yes No Unsure
2. Do you believe that any attempt by the United Nations to Subvert or Supersede your Constitutional Rights must be opposed?
Yes No Unsure
3. Do you oppose the International licensing requirements, International gun registry database and International ban on all private sales that will be included in the UN Gun Ban?
Yes No Unsure
4. Should the Trump administration immediately remove the United States as a signatory to the so-called U.N. “Small Arms Treaty?”
Yes No Unsure
If you answered yes to all the above questions as I did, you need to go over to https://nagr.org/2017/LeavetheUN-p.aspx?pid=LI01a and sign their digital petition.
Yes, I know that I’ve told you plenty of times in the past digital petitions have no legal standing because the signatures and participation cannot be legally verified. However they are an excellent minimal fuss way of getting the message to the President and Congress where WE THE PEOPLE stand on the usurpation of on Constitutionally afford right to self defense and bearing arms by those outside the USA, never mind the liberals in our own government.
Um….. I’m not really sure how to start this issue. You see….I’ve had a few … um …. problems. It’s been a bad week in quite a few ways. For instance. Right now, as I write this, it’s Friday at noon. Less than 14 hours to my publishing deadline and I’m just now starting this issue.
Actually, I take that back. I haven’t just started. Actually, while I was hiding out in my personal protective bunker, I got almost all of this week’s issue complete. And it was AWESOME!!! One of the best I’ve ever put out. And then…. well … let’s review what happened on Wednesday:
Marvin appeared quite pleased with what ever he’d done to Impish saying “Yes, I think pink definitely is your color and the yellow polka dots! Spaceman Spiff certainly does have a unique fashion sense for someone so young! Now I have something to say to you, then IF you have been attentive I MIGHT release you from paralyzation…if not well lets say you’ll make a very Andy Warhalish art statement as a statue someplace.
And then Marvin sang this really great “I’m a Martian” song. I won’t repeat it here because I’m sure I can’t do it justice, but if you were there for the singing you know what I mean.
Oh, and the damn Spaceman Spiff…. if I … well… I better not say anything. First of all he’s a kid, secondly he has a tiger for a playmate, third I’m sure it’s not beyond the realm of things for me to be charged with child abuse or something like that, and lastly, if he’s a friend of Marvin’s…well… I’m already in enough trouble with him as it is.
Anyway, then:
Once finished, Marvin regarded Impish for a moment expectantly before asking, “Well?! What have you got to say for yourself Dragon?”
Impish rolled his eye in frustration and managed a very weak “Mmmerughf! Gugablerk? Mmmer Merrrah!” while glaring pointedly at Marvin.
Marvin considers this for a moment, then sighs before saying “ A valid enough point I suppose. Very well but just know at the first sign of a deep inhale out of you I’ll transmogrify your pink behind into a pink mouse then dump you among the Ninja Cats. We clear?” Impish blinked once in assent was subject to another blast from the ray gun in Marvin’s hand and fell rather undignifiedly to the floor. Marvin snickered
Anyway, when I got back to my issue, it was gone. Disappeared. Ka-put! Well, not completely. There was a note:
Issue is gone. I can’t type in blue, only pink…and … and … the worst of it is … I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT THE HELL IT IS I’M SUPPOSED TO DO OR SAY OR WHATEVER TO GET THIS CRAZY GREEN MARTIAN OFF MY ASS!!!!
Doomed…. I’m Doomed.
We might as well. This might be the last issue. Next week at this time I might be a statue in Marvin the Martian’s garden.
This is just awesome! The patience and thought that must have gone into this:
Ain’t that the truth!!!
It was horrible…truly horrible.
I can’t stand it! I can’t even get a picture of a dragon other than pink ones!!!
And speaking of dragons, this pinkish dragon still can’t remember what it is that I’m supposed to do!!! I tried asking Lethal, but I can’t find him. Every room I go into that he is supposed to be in, I get a quick whiff of cigar smoke and good whiskey. I need a new plan. I’m now down to about 12 hours. Maybe Diaman or Ginny will know.
Damn! Even Dr. Sheldon Cooper is giving me crap!
“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”
“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. How did you do it?”t
“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: Oo.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”“That’s admirable,” says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy.
“Wow!” says the judge. “156 people! How did you manage to do that?”
I hate waiting in lines…
I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already!
Okay, this is really getting out of hand…
That’s the way it’s been around here all week. I’ve been hiding, tense, stressed out and it still didn’t matter.
And now I can’t find either Ginny or Diaman. But, every time I go into a room looking for Lethal, I smell the cigars and the whiskey and now I hear giggles just out of sight. I can’t help but think that they are ALL against me!
Donald Jay “Don” Rickles (May 8, 1926 – April 6, 2017) was an American stand-up comedian and actor. Although he became well known as an insult comic, his pudgy, balding appearance and pugnacious style led to few leading roles in film or television; his prominent film roles included Run Silent, Run Deep (1958) and Kelly’s Heroes (1970), and beginning in 1976 he enjoyed a two-year run starring in the sitcom C.P.O. Sharkey.
He received widespread exposure as a popular guest on numerous talk shows, including The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson and Late Show with David Letterman, and later voiced Mr. Potato Head in the Toy Story films. He won a Primetime Emmy Award for the 2007 documentary Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project.
For those of you who may not have ever seen this great comedian before. This is Don Rickles on the Glen Campbell Show from 1969.
And From Kelly’s Heroes. His character’s name was Crapgame.
Don Rickles was the king of put down comedy and insults. He was famous for not letting anyone get a word in edgewise. Well, in 1969 Susan White, reporter for WMAR-TV in Baltimore, was invited to go on a MGM movie junket to Ireland, England, and Yugoslavia. She was one of just 14 broadcasters from throughout the world to be included in this trip. In Belgrade, Yugoslavia, on the movie set of what would become known as Kelly’s Heroes Susan and the others interviewed Clint Eastwood, Telly Salvalas and Don Rickles. When everyone else tried to interview comedian Don Rickles he didn’t let them get in a word or a question and made fun of their inability to do so. So when it was Susan’s turn she decided to turn try and turn the tables on the King of the put down. This film interview is almost 48 years old.
Mr. Rickles, you will be missed. You succeeded in a time where comedy didn’t have to be gross or filled with four-letter words, yet you could cut the toughest of men to the quick. Rest well, and try and let St. Peter get a word in edge-wise or you’ll cause a backup at the Pearly Gates.
Damn, no wonder I can’t lose any weight!
Doctor’s say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your skin look younger. My advice? Drink 8 glasses of wine a day and you won’t give a damn how old you look!
That crack of Marvin’s when he said that he’d turn me into a pink mouse and toss me in with the Ninja Kitties scared me half to death, so let’s do some animal humor and maybe that will help.
Hey! I just thought of something! How does Marvin even KNOW anything at all about the Ninja Kitties? Could Lethal be behind …. nah! I forgot that he’s actually related to Lethal. So, of course he knows about the Ninja kitties. And to think, Lethal Leprechaun doing something like this to me. That’s SO ridiculous!
So this was just before my first knee surgery in January of 2015. I wasn’t lazy, I was in pain.
People who talk shit will be reincarnated as toilet paper.
I love this joke!
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.
The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?”
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart”
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the
text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean.
6. What the hell did you do now?
8. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?
I still can’t find Diaman or Ginny. But I think they changed their clothing.
Okay, time to handle something REALLY important…
“Golf is the closest game to the game we call life.
You get bad breaks from good shots;
You get good breaks from bad shots;
But, you have to play the ball where it lies.”
~ Bobby Jones
So, my car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night.
So, I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.
There are two kinds of People –
1. Happy Morning People
2. Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the Happy Morning People.
Well, that’s it I guess. I’m out of time.
I can’t find Lethal.
I can’t find Diaman.
I can’t find Ginny.
I have no idea what it is I’m supposed to be doing and I just got this message from Marvin:
The only question is, am I leaving with him as a pink statue or am I staying here. The martians are all the same. Take you away, probe you in inhuman ways. Drop you like a pink rock.
Hey! Wait! That was it! I had to admit that Marvin was a Martian! And I did that! Several times this issue! I’m safe! I’m Free! I’m …. why am I still pink and what is that blue glow coming from the other room….
You find an uncharacteristically happy Lethal Leprechaun as you enter the Conference Room. In fact he’s so happy it’s down right creeping you out. He’s smiling whistling a merry air, cracking jokes with the patrons and…did I mention smiling? He’s not even frowning at the perpetually late crowd!
Ginny and Diaman have gone as far as to demand to sample his coffee but to their disappointment aside from being Brown Gold there’s nothing ‘extra’ in his mug. once you are all seated be begins
“Good Morn ta ya all and isn’t it a grand morn? Yes ok I’ll admit ‘tis just a wee over the moon this morning I am but with good reason. You see aside from that never ending personal dilemma we’ve been dealing w/ the after math of since President’s Day finally as of last Wednesday afternoon being over with Molly has been gone since 06:00 last Friday morning. Off to the land of liberals Loonies and unreasoning Tree Hugging Granola Munchers (California, specifically San Jose) was she. However she’ll be back in me loving arms later this evening once again. That is more than enough ta be making me very happy.
Now I’ve lots ta be doing afore she makes it home so you’ll have ta be excusing me. Mean time ‘tis a grand issue I have for the like o’ ye just chock full o’ mirth, so ya best be getting’ to it.”
That my table, my coffee and my Thin Mints. Hard not to be in a good mood when you’re facing those 2 things for breakfast, even for me.
A couple starts fussing over their new born baby boy.
“Look at the size of his penis, its huge” said the husband.
“Yes, but he does have your eyes darling” said his wife.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.
2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.
3. No one is listening until you fart.
4. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass … then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.??
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’
The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’??
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment:
‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.’??
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.!
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!… ??
The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female…
As Impish busied himself with cleaning up both himself as well as his bathroom (while warily searching for other hidden pranks) he failed to notice the blue glow/light, faint electronic sound, very brief scuffling and the pair of heavy thuds emanating from the main room of his super secure bolt hole.
That is until he stepped back out into that room and found the two bodyguard Trolls sitting on the floor bound hand and feet, back to back securely tied to each other all with glowing white filaments. He idly noted that they were also quite unconscious or asleep their impressive assortment of weapons were no place to be seen, the Legos were all missing. No, scratch that they were not missing, they had been assembled and stood amidst the wreckage of the sandwich cart not assembled in a likeness of Marvin Martian’s personal banner!
Impish whimpered softly and began back peddling into the bathroom with the faint hope of making it into his hidden danger room the entrance to which was concealed in the shower. He was pretty hopeful that even Lethal wasn’t cleaver enough to think of putting a safe room inside a safe room and therefor Marvin might think he had an escape tunnel and begin searching outside the safe room for him.
Mid reversal of his direction he heard a rather high pitched voice call to him, “I can just as easily shoot you in there as in here Dragon, now how about you just man up and face me you big pansy!”
“Suck fireball you Martian wannabe!” cried out Impish as he repeatedly stabbed his panic button while inhaling.
Marvin stepped out into the dim light of the room from a totally different direction than the voice had come, raised what appear to be a ray gun at Impish and fired- twice. Impish prepared himself of the pain of disintegration as his fantasy life as a father, husband and Instructor for the all important skills of CBRNE to young Air Force personnel going into harms way flashed before his eyes. Micro seconds seemed like hours. He actually had the time to notice that the ray gun he was being shot with was not the usual blocky Acme Disintegration Pistol favored by Marvin, that was apparently still on his hip. This one was more oval and tear drop shaped, sporting the legend “Spaceman Spiff Transmorgrafier –Tranquilizer-Paralyzer.” Then the first beam hit him and he knew he was paralyzed. When the second beam hit him microseconds later he suddenly felt extremely flushed and slightly strange as if something he couldn’t quite place had happened to him. He simply felt …’off’’, not his normal self but was unable to say what it was that was wrong exactly.
Marvin appeared quite pleased with what ever he’d done to Impish saying “Yes, I think pink definitely is your color and the yellow polka dots! Spaceman Spiff certainly does have a unique fashion sense for someone so young! Now I have something to say to you, then IF you have been attentive I MIGHT release you from paralyzation…if not well lets say you’ll make a very Andy Warhalish art statement as a statue someplace.
Clearing his throat, Marvin proceeded to press a stud on his helmet and to Impish’s surprise music began to play.
Once finished, Marvin regarded Impish for a moment expectantly before asking, “Well?! What have you got to say for yourself Dragon?”
Impish rolled his eye in frustration and managed a very weak “Mmmerughf! Gugablerk? Mmmer Merrrah!” while glaring pointedly at Marvin.
Marvin considers this for a moment, then sighs before saying “ A valid enough point I suppose. Very well but just know at the first sign of a deep inhale out of you I’ll transmogrify your pink behind into a pink mouse then dump you among the Ninja Cats. We clear?” Impish blinked once in assent was subject to another blast from the ray gun in Marvin’s hand and fell rather undignifiedly to the floor. Marvin snickered
[Tune in Saturday for Impish’s answer. Learn if he escapes the fate of being anal probed by a mad Martian with an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator. Find out if he gets his nice blue coloring back or if he gets transmogrified into something akin to the next photo.]
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them.
Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
Kenny Rodgers robs a bank. As he is making a getaway, the cops starting chasing him. He is able to almost lose them when he hits a bump and a wheel comes off the truck. He crashes and of course is busted by the cops. As he is being lead away, he looks at the tire and starts singing “you picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel!”
I always wondered why Waldo was hiding in the first place. Now it makes perfect sense. Wonder what the heck he ever did to set off a man hunt like that?
He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again … back and forth … back and forth … in and out … in and out.
She could feel the sweat on her forehead and between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back, she was getting near to the end.
Her heart was pounding … her face was flushed … then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
“OK, OK! I can’t park the fucking car!
You do it, you smug bastard!
A few days after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Bar Harbor man answered his door to find two grim-faced Harbor Master officers.
“We’re sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your wife”.
“Tell me! Did you find her?!” Cedric Flynn asked.
One officer said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news”!
Fearing the worst, Mr. Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”
The officer said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”
“Lord sufferin’ Jesus!” exclaimed Flynn. What could possibly be the good news?”
The officer continued,
“When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Atlantic Maine Lobsters that you’ve ever seen clinging to her……..Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 60’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch.”
Stunned, Mr. Flynn demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”
The officer replied,
“We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow”
Contrary to what many women believe, it is fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Or course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys, its extremely difficult. This is because guys don’t really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself; Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward x I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: So that means it was, let’s see, February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s. Which means, lemme check the odometer, WHOA! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment. Maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600!
COMMUNICATIONS GAP
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs!
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty?! They want a warranty?! I’ll give them a damn warranty! I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their…
“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.
“What?” says Roger.
“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have … Oh God, I feel so…” (She breaks down, sobbing).
“What?” asks Roger.
“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” asks Roger.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.
“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
“It’s just that … It’s that I … I need some time,” Elaine says.
(There is a 15 second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally, he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says.
A BEFUDDLED BEAU
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
“Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she asks.
“What way?” asks Roger.
“That way about time?” says Elaine.
“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.”
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last, she speaks.)
“Thank you, Roger,” she says.
“Thank you,” says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger).
ANALYSIS TIME
The next day, Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
“Snorzzzt!”
Huh?
Oh man, I just woke myself up with my snoring. And oh man, do I have to hit the little dragon’s room.
But, this doesn’t feel like my bedroom … oh yeah! My private shelter. Hee, Hee. Guess it worked. I’m still safe.
Why is my hand all wet?
Oh, nice. Classic. Put my hand in a bowl of warm water to make me pee my bed. April Fools day is coming soon. That Lethal, what a kidder!
But I really gotta take a leak! AND NOW!
Impish swings his feet off the dragon sized bunk and leaps to the floor in a hurry to reach the facilities and lets out a blood curdling scream of pain.
MY FEET! MY FEET! What in all the hells is all over the floor!‼! Lights! I need lights! Dammit, I think I peed myself a little.
As the lights come on, Impish sees the floor is literally covered in Lego® blocks!
How juvenile! Really, …. Ouch! Ouch! It’s not even April Fools’ Day yet!!!
Impish shuffle/waddles across the floor trying to avoid as many of the sharp plastic blocks as possible, but now in a distinct race against time and having a very childish accident. He throws open the door to the little dragon’s room off the main chamber of the bolt-hole and relies on the light streaming in from the other room to light his way. With a huge smile of relief on his face as his bladder begins to shrink from its painful size he is thankful that he got there in time. But, his relief is short lived as he feels the warm wetness climb up his legs.
What the fuc….
It’s then our poor blue dragon realizes he’s been had again. A third time in less than 3 minutes!
Plastic wrap across the urinal‼‼‼‼! Who DOES THAT! WHO FRIGGIN’ DOES THAT!!!!! I’m soaking wet and covered in my own pee!
As he tries to figure out how to get himself dry, he mumbles to himself, So what’s next? Filling my office full of balloons? Mayonnaise in my cream filled donuts? As he kept on, grousing and cleaning he failed to notice a couple of things.
The first thing he failed to notice was the blue light growing brighter in the room behind him and the electronic whine that was quietly rising in volume.
And the second, and possibly more important thing that he failed to notice, though through no real fault of his own, and having no way of even knowing. For the fact of the matter was that, although he was sure that it was not April Fools’ Day yet, he failed to notice that he was missing more than three days.
[NOTICE: More of a previously written issue has been uncovered and is presented here for your reading pleasure.]
Here’s a great article that reminded me of a great old song.
The truck was carrying 44,000 pounds of bananas, troopers say. Wreckers and crews with the state Department of Transportation attempted to right the vehicle, but determined it would have to be offloaded first.
The tractor trailer was moved off the highway, but the Chase Parkway entrance ramp remains closed.
Police say the driver sustained minor injuries, and was transported to Waterbury Hospital by ambulance.
Well, did you figure out what song I was reminded of?
One of his “more-famous” songs in it’s original form, the version on Greatest Stories Live, which I’ve already uploaded, contains two alternative endings and a little info on them. The version on the bottom line encore collection contains the fourth, and my favorite, alternate ending, along with the other three, I’ll upload that in a little while.
“It was just after dark when the truck started down
the hill that leads into Scranton Pennsylvania.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds (hit it Big John) of bananas.
He was a young driver,
just out on his second job.
And he was carrying the next day’s pasty fruits
for everyone in that coal-scarred city
where children play without despair
in backyard slag-piles and folks manage to eat each day
about thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, just about thirty thousand pounds (scream it again, John) .
He passed a sign that he should have seen,
saying “shift to low gear, a fifty dollar fine my friend.”
He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
who was waiting at the journey’s end.
He started down the two mile drop,
the curving road that wound from the top of the hill.
He was pushing on through the shortening miles that ran down to the depot.
Just a few more miles to go,
then he’d go home and have her ease his long, cramped day away.
and the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
He was picking up speed as the city spread its twinkling lights below him.
But he paid no heed as the shivering thoughts of the nights
delights went through him.
His foot nudged the brakes to slow him down.
But the pedal floored easy without a sound.
He said “Christ!”
It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
He was trapped inside a dead-end hellslide,
riding on his fear-hunched back
was every one of those yellow green
I’m telling you thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
He barely made the sweeping curve that led into the steepest grade.
And he missed the thankful passing bus at ninety miles an hour.
And he said “God, make it a dream!”
as he rode his last ride down.
And he said “God, make it a dream!”
as he rode his last ride down.
And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
and Blue-Crossed seven people.
it was then he lost his head,
not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
And he slid for four hundred yards
along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
All those thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
You know the man who told me about it on the bus,
as it went up the hill out of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
he shrugged his shoulders, he shook his head,
and he said (and this is exactly what he said)
“Boy that sure must’ve been something.
Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of mashed bananas.
Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
of Bananas. not no driver now. Just bananas!” “
And the story behind the song? I offer it here for your perusal.
On March 18, 1965, a 35-year-old truck driver, Eugene P. Sewsky, was on his way to deliver a load of bananas to Scranton, Pennsylvania. Sesky, an employee of Fred Carpentier – operator of a small truck line in Scranton – was returning from the boat piers at Weehawken, New Jersey, where he had picked up his load.
The load was destined for the locations in the “wholesale block” on the western edge of Lackawanna Avenue in Scranton – either the local A&P Warehouse or to Halem Hazzouri Bananas, the premier banana seller in the area at the time. Sesky was driving a 1950s Brockway diesel truck tractor with a 35 foot semi-trailer and was headed down Route 307 when he suddenly lost control. That section of Route 307 contains a “two-mile” descent extending from Lake Scranton to the bottom of Moosic Street that includes a drop in elevation of more than 500 feet in less than 1.5 miles. Sesky was unable to control the truck’s speed down the hill due to a mechanical failure, variously attributed to the truck’s brake system or its clutch.
As a result, the truck cruised into Scranton at approximately 90 mph, sideswiping a number of cars before it crashed into a house at the southwest corner of Moosic Street and s. Irving Avenue close to the bottom of the hill. Witnesses reported that Sesky did everything possible to avoid pedestrians and other motorists, including climbing out onto the truck’s running board to try to warn people, and some have suggested that he may have deliberately flipped the truck over to avoid striking either bystanders or an automotive service station on Moosic Street that could have exploded in flames, causing a greater loss of life. Sesky was thrown from the truck and killed and bananas were spilled and strewn when the rig came to rest; 15 others were injured but only Sesky died. The road was closed for cleanup as Johnson’s Towing Company helped out in the recovery. Trucks over 21,000 pounds are no longer allowed to travel that route.
And that’s the story, the whole story and nothing but the story…
Amen!
This is just an example of the attitude the Ninja Kitties are looking for when they interview kittens.
I laughed so hard at that little bird. That is EXACTLY what the little guy looks like.
I need one of these for my back yard!
Men say that women should come with instructions.
What’s the point?
Have you ever seen a man actually read them?
Dear loyal readers of Dragon Laffs. I’m afraid that’s all I can do to entertain you. I’m not sure what to do or where to go from here. You see, Impish Dragon has been missing since sometime on Wednesday when he received the strange text message on his phone. All we can do now is hope and pray.
Sincerely,
Terrance Troll
 | impishdragon on Dragon Laffs #2506 |
 | jhjoseph on Dragon Laffs #2506 |
 | Sammye on Never Forget! |
 | Leah D on Dragon Laffs #2505 |
| Sammye on Dragon Laffs #2505 |
Dragon Laffs 