Dragon Laffs #1502


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CampersWhat a week it’s been!  On the afternoon / evening of Wednesday, we had a total of 8 verified tornadoes come through central Indiana.

Kokomo, the town just to the south of us, had horrible damage from at least 3, possibly 4 tornadoes that came through.  One of which was an EF3 with wind speeds up to 165 mph.

We had one that came through our area, about 1/4 mile north of my house and I “think” I got a picture of it.

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Maybe.  Possibly, not really sure.  But I do know that this picture does not qualify as the picture of a tornado that I need to take for the satisfaction of my bucket list.

Anyway, between the tornadoes and the work on the cleanup and what not, we need to get right to laughing.

Let's Laugh

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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
 

She says, confused, ‘Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
 
He answers,
 ‘You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause “it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ……… so does she. 

You can now visit this man in the intensive care unit.

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Impish Dragon said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.’

Mrs. Dragon responded, ‘Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you.’

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Dragon Pic

Problem

I liked this one.  I’m the one who added the words…well…actually, someone sent me the words as a Minion, I think.  Yes Ginny, that would probably be you.  Anyway, I liked the saying so much, I went in search of a picture to put them with…with the thought of perhaps putting a more PG rating on it and putting it up at work.  I haven’t done that yet, but I thought I’d share it with you guys today anyway.

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Well, a government job in either Washington, D.C. or at the elected level.  The rest of us who have “Government Jobs” really do have to work for a living.

Black Lives Matter protestors were turned away by police at Graceland in Memphis during the anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death. He sang the blues, he sang gospel, he died of a drug overdose and his daughter married Michael Jackson. No one ever did more to meet the protesters halfway.

Yes…I know it was bad….

Movie

Okay, so here’s a couple of funny videos just for fun.  Yes, I know that was a faux pax using funny and fun in the same sentence.  So sue me.

So that one was funny.  I laughed really hard at Chelsea.  This next one will make you laugh as well, but for a completely different reason.

Let’s see if we can’t get some more videos in later.

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 Rio cops moved to indict Ryan Lochte and a fellow U.S. men’s swimmer for filing a false police report. It’ll pass. Critics say they embarrassed the United States, but if embarrassing the United States were a federal crime, Joe Biden would be serving life in prison under the Three Strikes Law. 

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Fantasy

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You may have noticed that we have featured many of our security personnel in this section.  Well, it’s true.  And we’ve done that in an effort to let anyone out there who might have thoughts of attacking or otherwise disturbing our peace that they will have to deal with our overwhelming security forces.

And besides…some of them are quite easy on the eyes.

! BIRDBRAINS Drop-In Template.ai

ObamaCare was hit by the exodus of three major insurance companies last week. Patients are clever. The AMA Journal reports the number of body donations to medical schools has been rising, meaning that Medicare patients have finally figured out a way to get a doctor to look at them. 

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Lethal?  Was Friday at that speech?

Just a quick aside.  I found this political cartoon this morning (Wednesday) and it reminded me of the hypocrisy of Obama and Hillary.  Donald Trump showed up first thing to the flooding down south.  Yeah, maybe it was a photo-op for him, but he was there and he said he wanted to help.

Where was Obama?  Where do you think?  On vacation in Martha’s Vineyard playing gulf!  He did make a brief statement saying how concerned he was, but he had to cut it short to make his tee time.

He doesn’t even pretend to care anymore.

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Well, we started it, so we might as well jump right in.

Politics

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Russian troops massed on the border of Ukraine Monday, threatening to invade the country on Ukraine’s Independence Day and annex it to Russia as they did Crimea. It drew a fast response. The minute President Obama heard the news, he asked the next three groups if he could play through. 

 

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Yeah, and that’s the part that scares me to death!!

 

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Another good one that I just got this morning (same morning as last time, lol)

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President Obama returned to work Sunday after a two-week vacation on Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts. He visited the flooded area north of New Orleans. You know the president’s been playing a little too much golf when he referred to Louisiana as the world’s largest two-stroke penalty.

 4f

Do you want to know how screwed up this country is right now?  Here’s a list of headlines that I received in an email from “Minuteman News”.  The headlines alone should make you quake in fear. (Clicking on the “(click here)” will send you to the article.  Well…it should, anyway.

Bahrain’s Prince Got Audience With Sec. of State Clinton After Giving $32M to Clinton Foundation (click here)
Now is anyone surprised over that one?

Texas Judge Temporarily Blocks Obama’s Bathroom Edict (click here)
We’ve started a pool to bet on the amount of time it will take the administration to reverse that decision.  Five bucks a guess, as many guesses as you want, see your personal host or hostess to play.

Farrakhan Unhinged! Slams Hillary, Demands Land and Billions for New “Black Nation” (click here) This one is just plain asinine.

What? TSA Actually INVITED Muslim Leaders to See the Screening Processes at Airports (VIDEO) (click here) This one is actually pretty good.  Good looking young lady doing a really good job at her essay.

Hillary’s Pic Posted on Purported Army OPSEC Brief as “Security Threat” (click here) This one is great!  And, although the article said that they didn’t know if it was true or not, as of this printing, I can tell you that, yes indeed, it’s true!  Hee, Hee, Hee!  Yup, this picture was used going back almost a year.  You gotta love the United States Military!
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Refugees Sue School District – Evidently, Their Free Public School is Unsatisfactory (click here) So you can see why my day has been a bit….pissy!  I’m done talking about these stupid news articles.  Each of them is just more evidence of the absolute stupidity going on in our country right now.  If it wasn’t so serious, it would be funny. 

But it is serious…

So no, it’s not really that funny.

School Sends Home Permission Slip for Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance! (click here)

Ebony’s Editor: No Such Thing As a Hate Crime Perpetrated Against Police Officers or White People (click here)

Justice Dept. Declares it “Unconstitutional” to Hold People in Jail, if They Can’t Afford Bail (click here)

You guys have all the links to all the headlines.  Happy reading.

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Yeah….funny…see me laughing…

News

This is exciting news!!!!!  The Washington Redskins Finally Drop Offense Name!

The Washington Redskins finally drop offensive name:  

Dan Snyder, owner of the NFL Redskins, has announced that the team is dropping ” Washington ” from the team name, and it will henceforth be simply known as, “The Redskins.” 

It was reported that he finds the word ‘Washington’ imparts a negative image of poor leadership, mismanagement, corruption, cheating, lying, and graft, and is not a fitting role-model for young fans of football.

I’m proud of them for finally doing the right thing.

Movie

Okay, I’m sorry, I know I did movie time already, but I found this hilarious video and just had to share it!

I know, right!

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I know….math humor.

Critter

I have to be careful with this section, it got me into a bit of trouble last week.
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“Oh Look!  Daddy’s home! Let’s do our happy dance!”

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And these guys are putting the happy dance to music!

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There’s a farmer and his wife about to make love.

They’re naked facing each other.

The farmer grabs his wife’s breast’s and say’s,

“You know honey, if these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows.”

The wife says. “That’s Right.”

The farmer then grabs his wife’s butt and say’s,

“You know, if these could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens.”

The wife says, “You’re Right.”

The wife then grabs her husband’s dick and say’s,

“You know, if this could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother!”

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For information on joining the MMFCP, please write to this ezine for details.

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet… I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn’t know either.

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Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, “It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn’t find them.”
 

condom4The second nun said, “I’ve found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later.”

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them. “You get them at a drug store, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them.”

The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. “Good morning, sister,” the pharmacist said, “what can I do for you today?” “I’d like some condoms please,” said the nun. condom2a

The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, “How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box.” “I’ll take six boxes. That should last about a week,” said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a Condom3clear voice. “Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the ‘big liar’ size.”

The sister thought for a minute and finally said: “I’m not certain, I’m looking for something to put on a camel.”camel, surprised
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Motivational

LSD

And reveals dragons in the kitchen.

LSU

Lucky Charms

lumberjack-commandos

Still not as tough as ninja kitties.

Lunacy

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I had the exact same thing happen.  Got stopped by a county sherriff, he told me I was speeding and I told him I was late for work.
He asked me where I worked and I told him I was a dispatcher for the state police.
He let me go.
I was quite surprised.

Donation

Let’s finish off today’s issue with special thanks to our next years patrons.

Steven H.     Leah H.     Henry S.     K2     Ginny     Henry C.     and     Dan T.

Thank you very much, from the bottom of our hearts.  Your generosity and love mean so very much to us.

If you also wish to be among the ranks of the patrons, any donation at all, even a dollar, will be happily accepted and help us to continue this ezine.  At the top of the issue, in the right column you will see where to donate.  If you wish to not use PayPal, then write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com and I will give you a snail mail address you can write to.

Thanks.

Cheers

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1502

  1. Rick E says:

    re: School Sends Home Permission Slip for Reciting the Pledge of Allegiance!
    I was Canadian military posted to CSprings several years ago. Primary school teacher asked what should happen with my sons when the Pledge of Allegiance was stated. She very courteously offered exemption. I opined that it would help them understand the obligations of citizenship, the country in which they were resident and help them form friendships with their fellow students. They wouldn’t be less Canadian rather maybe just a bit more aware. We were startled and more than a bit impressed when our youngest – grade 1, without prompting, apparently out of no where recited the pledge at the dinner table. The oldest (grade 2) nodded in agreement that it had been stated properly. The opinion of foreigners allied with and temporarily resident in the Republic.
    But what of actual citizens enjoying the protection and opportunities afforded by the Constitution?
    What kind of mega asshat parasitic ornamental waste of skin would object (dammit … I clumsily revealed the answer) to the Pledge of Allegiance?

  2. Larry Stockman says:

    I’m glad you are all well over there in Indiana… We got hit pretty hard here in SW Ohio but nothing like you guys did. Was up around Greenville the next morning and got into a pretty good storm up three also. Keep up the good work here. Larry

  3. lethalleprechaun says:

    I’d vote 5 stars…if there WERE stars to vote with!

  4. Ginny says:

    Nice job Impish…loved the videos and jokes. I heard about the Tornadoes in Indiana…yikes, too scary. Made a newspaer article on the donations we received so far…maybe you can include it for next Saturday.

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