Dragon Laffs

A way nicer view than some people still have of flood waters just outside their doors here. Many flooded homes are now catching fire and power is being shut off in some flooded areas to prevent this and to allow fighting of the fires w/o the worry of electrocution for the firemen.  We have 10Pm to % Am curfews in many areas of Houston and the surrounding suburbs to prevent looting and flood related night time accidents

Damage estimates range for $180 to $190 billion dollars and are still climbing. (The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration estimates Katrina to have cost around $160 billion.) The White House, meanwhile, is expected to ask Congress for $14.5 billion in relief funding. The death toll is up to 65 directly attributable deaths now.

Hurricane Harvey, which dumped an estimated 27 trillion gallons of water on Texas and Louisiana, looks to be one of the most damaging natural disasters in U.S. history. That’s enough to fill the Houston Astrodome 85,000 times or San Francisco Bay 10.6 times at high tide. The National Weather Service now says that  Cedar Bayou, Texas, records 51.88 inches of rain from Harvey. That sets a  new continental U.S. record.​

Flooding continues to affect large areas of Houston, Beaumont and other areas of Texas. Tens of thousands have been forced to evacuate their homes, and oil rig shut downs and evacuations along the Gulf have curbed oil and gas production. This in turn has caused other parts of the country to fell the effects of Harvey as gas prices rise (up $0.26/gal in a week in the Northeast)

FEMA reported Thursday that more than 96,000 people in Texas have been approved for emergency assistance, including financial aid for rent and lost property. More than $57 million has already been distributed for housing, personal property and transportation assistance. More than 72,000 people have been rescued so far, according to officials.

OK, enough with the depressing side of things but before we get going let me just say to see the end of the issue for an announcement about the September 11th Issue.

Now, onward and laugh-ward!

 

 

“Woman stops gator attack with a small Beretta pistol.”

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

A Beretta testimonial.

Here is her story:

While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!

Just one shot to estranged husband’s knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.

It’s one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus … the amount I saved in lawyer’s fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.

Montana Grizzly Bear Notice:

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.

We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle the bears that aren’t expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains a lot of berry seeds and squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

Comprehending Engineers – Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

Comprehending Engineers – Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers -Take Three

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

“Hi John. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Comprehending Engineers -Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers -Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Comprehending Engineers -Take Six

“Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.”

Comprehending Engineers -Take Seven

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with a wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

“Yeah,” replied the engineer. “If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

Comprehending Engineers – Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that’s cool!”

 

How to get to Heaven from Ireland

(A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher)

I was questioning children in my Dublin Sunday school class,

to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale,

and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’

‘NO!’ the children answered.

‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything

tidy, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, the answer was ‘NO!’

‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, they all answered ‘NO!’

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’

A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’

It’s a curious race, the Irish. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?

Another of those weird motorcycle pictures. I swear this is becoming a fad or a thing now.

So I went to visit Impish in his recovery.The thing you have to know about Impish and in fact most dragons in general is when they are laid up and off the hunt they expect their visitors to arrive with edible gifts for them. In fact they get down right peevish if you don’t. Also you’ll barely get the time of day if you only show up with one gift as to them it indicates you don’t think a whole lot of their suffering.

So here was the first gift I took him figuring he could use it to lounge out in the fresh air in style. There is even a state of the art memory foam cushion for it that isn’t shown for clarity sake.

Impish barley acknowledged it with a grunt before rather peevishly asking, “that’s it nothing to nosh?” as he used his oversized schnozola to practically vacuum any and all scent molecules off me and out of the air. (Keep in mid I have already been paying 2 catering services to cater to his culinary whims since his return home.)

“Brought you a sandwich to tide you over until 4th meal ( it was 11AM and he’d already eaten 3 times). You’ll like this, they call it a the ‘Ginormous El Grande Gut Buster’. I asked for everything but the kitchen sink in it but I think they might have slipped the sink in there to when I sneezed. IT weighs in at just shy of 24 pounds.”

Whisking it out of my hands with his forked tongue, pausing just long enough to unwrap it, (tin foil gives him indigestion in his old age apparently) he downed it in just 2 chomps licked his maw and claws clean, burped (mumbled ‘Mmm! SPICEY!’) and said “Eh- I’d call it a small.”

Here is one that I wrote several years ago inspired by Jeff Foxworthy.

You may be a redneck if…

When the preacher starts extolling the virtues of the King on Sunday, you don’t know if he is talking about Elvis or Richard Petty!

This Week in History: 4th September-8th September

They Walk Among Us … and they vote… And What is Even Worse, they Reproduce

My neighbor bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: “Free to good home. You want it, you take it.”

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.

He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal.

It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:

“Fridge for sale $50.”

The next day someone stole it.

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

At the airport:

Official: ” Has anyone put anything into your bags without your knowledge?”

Traveller: “Sir, if they had done it without my knowledge, how would I know?’

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted…

“Look at that dead bird!”

Someone looked up at the sky and said…

“Where???”

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?”

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for a very long time.

She shook her head and said, “Oh, I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

I stopped at McDonalds and ordered some fries.

The McClone behind the counter asked, ‘Would you like some fries with that?’

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.

One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific”

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

Recently, when I went to McDonald’s, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets, ‘ said the McClone at the counter. ‘You don’t?’ I replied. ‘We only have six, nine, or twelve, ‘ was the reply. ‘So I can’t order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?’ ‘That’s right.’ So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

---

More tech suport calls…

Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through; can you help?’

Operator: ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’

Customer: ‘It’s on the door of your business.’

Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’

Caution… They Walk Among Us and They Vote!

For myriad of reasons I have decided there will not be a September 11th Special Edition this year. At least not one authored by me. If Impish wishes to do one that’s ok by me and I will not feel slighted in the least.

The reasons are complex and many having to do with, my personal mindset and emotions  regarding the events of September 11th 2001, my health, and events occurring in my private life currently which must take precedence.

As someone pointed out to me recently these issues are sort of a waste of time. I’m preaching to the choir. Those who read DragonLaffs and/or Leprechaun Laughs are not likely to ever forget the events of that tragic day. In fact the primary effect of putting together such an issue is only to keep fresh my own personal wounds stemming from that day.

I find other events currently happening in my life are putting me under a great deal of stress and demanding more and more of my time. These events must take priority and truth be told I am struggling week to week to find the time to continue to turn out the high quality regular issues that I have always striven for let alone enough time to due a special issue proper justice. I personally will never forget those whom we lost that day nor will I ever forgive those responsible.

I hope that you can understand my decision, know how difficult it was for me to reach it and how hard it was to accept the advice and realization that those who counseled me offered to me. If I have disappointed anyone all I can say is I am sincerely sorry, but we all have our limits and limitations and must accept them.

Ah, Labor Day weekend, the last big hurrah for the summer!  The party weekend that is a feeble grasp at holding on to the summer for just a little longer.  Most of the kids are already back in school.  Not like when we were kids and school never started before Labor Day, Izzy Dragon has been back in school since August first.

But, why do we even celebrate “Labor”?  What’s that all about? According to the History Channel’s website, History.com, Labor Day is:

Observed on the first Monday in September, Labor Day pays tribute to the contributions and achievements of American workers. It was created by the labor movement in the late 19th century and became a federal holiday in 1894. Labor Day also symbolizes the end of summer for many Americans, and is celebrated with parties, parades and athletic events.

“Paying tribute to the contributions and achievements of American workers”?  That kind of makes me wonder how much the truth of the “real” meaning of Labor Day still exists, since most manufacturing and such has been sent overseas where it is cheaper.  The “American Worker” may still be celebration worthy, but maybe not so much the company owners and managers.  Let’s read some more.

Labor Day, an annual celebration of workers and their achievements, originated during one of American labor history’s most dismal chapters. In the late 1800s, at the height of the Industrial Revolution in the United States, the average American worked 12-hour days and seven-day weeks in order to eke out a basic living. Despite restrictions in some states, children as young as 5 or 6 toiled in mills, factories and mines across the country, earning a fraction of their adult counterparts’ wages. People of all ages, particularly the very poor and recent immigrants, often faced extremely unsafe working conditions, with insufficient access to fresh air, sanitary facilities and breaks.

That’s how it was in America then, and now we’re sending work overseas to conditions that mimic that time, that we fought so hard to get rid of here.  Am I missing something?

As manufacturing increasingly supplanted agriculture as the wellspring of American employment, labor unions, which had first appeared in the late 18th century, grew more prominent and vocal. They began organizing strikes and rallies to protest poor conditions and compel employers to renegotiate hours and pay. Many of these events turned violent during this period, including the infamous Haymarket Riot of 1886, in which several Chicago policemen and workers were killed. Others gave rise to longstanding traditions: On September 5, 1882, 10,000 workers took unpaid time off to march from City Hall to Union Square in New York City, holding the first Labor Day parade in U.S. history.

Okay, so the parades for Labor Day now make more sense.

The idea of a “workingmen’s holiday,” celebrated on the first Monday in September, caught on in other industrial centers across the country, and many states passed legislation recognizing it.Congress would not legalize the holiday until 12 years later, when a watershed moment in American labor history brought workers’ rights squarely into the public’s view. On May 11, 1894, employees of the Pullman Palace Car Company in Chicago went on strike to protest wage cuts and the firing of union representatives.

On June 26, the American Railroad Union, led by Eugene V. Debs, called for a boycott of all Pullman railway cars, crippling railroad traffic nationwide. To break the strike, the federal government dispatched troops to Chicago, unleashing a wave of riots that resulted in the deaths of more than a dozen workers. In the wake of this massive unrest and in an attempt to repair ties with American workers, Congress passed an act making Labor Day a legal holiday in the District of Columbia and the territories.More than a century later, the true founder of Labor Day has yet to be identified.

So, are they saying that the Labor Day holiday was a way to mollify the “common man” into behaving and not causing trouble?  “Yes, yes Johnny, you are a good boy.  You are special.  Here’s a special holiday just for you, now quiet down and get back to your chores.”  Or maybe I’m still not getting it.  I am on pain medication after my hip-surgery, after all.  So, maybe it’s just me.  Let’s finish up. 

Many credit Peter J. McGuire, cofounder of the American Federation of Labor, while others have suggested that Matthew Maguire, a secretary of the Central Labor Union, first proposed the holiday.Labor Day is still celebrated in cities and towns across the United States with parades, picnics, barbecues, fireworks displays and other public gatherings. For many Americans, particularly children and young adults, it represents the end of the summer and the start of the back-to-school season.

So, maybe that wasn’t as satisfying as I had hoped.  Let’s look at what Labor Day means to me.  A common blue dragon working like the rest of you to make ends meet.  What is so special about the American Worker?

How about looking at the incredible war material making machine that was put together at the start of World War II? 

In May 1940, Franklin D. Roosevelt called for the production of 185,000 aeroplanes, 120,000 tanks, 55,000 anti-aircraft guns and 18 million tons of merchant shipping in two years. Adolf Hitler was told by his advisors that this was American propaganda; in 1939, annual aircraft production for the US military was less than 3,000 planes. By the end of the war US factories had produced 300,000 planes,^[2][3] and by 1944 had produced two-thirds of the Allied military equipment used in the war—bringing military forces into play in North and South America, the Caribbean, the Atlantic, Western Europe and the Pacific.

And take into account that most of the “American Workers” doing this incredible feat were women, old men and those deemed too infirm to be in the military.  The country rationed everything in order to take care of our boys fighting overseas and the country itself stepped up and accomplished what needed to be done, when it needed to be done.  That incredible attitude is worth celebrating.  To this blue dragon, anyway.

The American Labor Force has accomplished so much.  Throughout the rest of this issue I will attempt to insert some facts and statistics that may help us understand a little bit more why Labor Day is such an important holiday and why it deserves to be celebrated.

But for now, I think it’s time we took a break, so …

I need to speak to some of my “prepper” friends.  I’m sure someone has some bacon seeds put away for the end of the world scenario. 

And this little guy just goes full throttle evil way too quick.

Now there’s a man after my own heart!  I’m so tired of getting those kinds of things…and I’m only on Facebook for one reason!  My Dart League.  If they didn’t pass most of their messaging through the group page, I wouldn’t even HAVE Facebook!  I hate it with a passion!

One day a group of scientists united and decided that man had come a long way, and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and informed him that, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need You. We’re to the point that we can clone people, and do many miraculous things, so why don’t You just go on and get lost.”

God listened patiently and kindly to the scientist and, after the man was done talking, God answered, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a man-making contest.”

The man replied, “OK, great!”

But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did, back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist replied, “Sure, no problem,” and bent down to grab himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and remarked, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt! I CREATED that dirt!”

Good luck with that guys!

Yes indeed, we will be having our normal weekend bash for Labor Day for all of our patrons and employees and their families, but on Monday, it will be a day for just our dear employees to have their own day where they won’t be serving us (or any of you) but instead, we will be serving and celebrating them.  Now, since neither myself, nor Lethal are in any great physical shape to be doing the manual labor, we will use both a pool of volunteers from our dear readers and anyone who is still around, passed out, or too incapacitated to get away in time will be drafted into working the day away for them.  It ought to be great fun!

This is a hilarious video and a great concept.  Something you will pick up as you watch is the amount of languages these guys are fluent in is amazing.

From the Pew Research Center here are:

10 facts about American workers

BY DREW DESILVER

More than 150 million Americans are part of the U.S. workforce, and many of them (but not all) will spend the Labor Day national holiday away from their desks, cash registers and workbenches. We can’t predict how workers will use their day off, but we do know a fair amount about who they are, what they do and the U.S. working environment in general.

1Over the past three decades, the share of American workers who are union members has fallen by about half.Union membership peaked in 1954 at nearly 35% of all U.S. wage and salary workers, but in 2015 the unionization rate was just 11.1%. However, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics the actual number of union members has risen in recent years, from 14.4 million in 2012 to 14.8 million last year.

2There is broad support for the right of workers to unionize across a range of occupations.  Among six industry categories we asked about in spring 2015, about eight in-ten Americans (82%) said manufacturing and factory workers should have that right. Big majorities backed the rights of transit workers, police officers and public school teachers to do the same. About six-in-ten (62%) said fast-food workers should be able to unionize, while 35% opposed that. In general, though, Americans have mixed views about the long-term decline in unionization: About as many people said it’s been mostly bad for the country as said it’s been mostly good, though by 52% to 40% they said it’s been mostly bad for working people.

We’ll have some more of the facts later in the issue.

Yeah, try it while you are physically incapacitated with a new hip and you have to rely on her to drive you everywhere…that’s not the worst look I’ve had on my face.

And what are most of us going to be doing this weekend?
 And what are some of the rest of us going to be doing this weekend?

And if you’re in New Jersey, what are you going to be doing this weekend?

Or this

Yup, cause it’s Labor Day Weekend!

And what are we going to be doing on Tuesday?

Recovering and trying to find missing partiers.

I’m still looking for those bacon seeds. 

I founds them!

It wouldn’t be a proper issue without our posters.  I was going to go with just Labor Day stuff, but thought you might be getting a little tired of it, and I’m running out of pain-free time to work, so I have these handy:

They say it’s now worse than drunk driving.

Thank God for Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs to help you through.

Let’s get the rest of the ten facts about American works.  Some of them are quite surprising.

3 Most Americans work in the service sector. In July, 102.6 million people (71% of all nonfarm payroll employees) worked in private service-providing industries, according to the most recent employment report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Among the major industrial sectors, the biggest was education and health services (22.7 million workers), followed by professional and business services (20.3 million) and retail trade (just under 16 million). Manufacturing employed 12.3 million Americans; about 22.2 million were government workers (nearly two-thirds of them at the local level).

4 Nearly 15 million Americans are self-employed. A Pew Research Center report last year found that 14.6 million people, or about 10 percent of the active workforce in 2014, were self-employed. Those self-employed people had an additional 29.4 million people working for them; together, they accounted for 44 million jobs, or 30% of the national workforce.

But only about a quarter of self-employed people (3.4 million) had employees of their own, and those who did have workers didn’t have very many: Among self-employed people with employees, the median in 2014 was three and the average was 8.6.

5 Millennials are now the largest generation in the labor force. More than a third of American workers today are Millennials (adults ages 18 to 34 in 2015), and last year they surpassed Generation X (ages 35 to 50 in 2015) to become the single largest generational group in the U.S. workforce. Gen Xers’ place as the dominant generation within the labor force was very short-lived – just three years. (On a chart, they are easily overlooked, sandwiched between Baby Boomers and Millennials.)

6 American women earn 83 cents on the dollar compared with men, but that gap is narrowing substantially among younger workers. In 2014, among workers ages 25 to 34, women’s hourly earnings were 91% those of men, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of median hourly wages that includes full- and part-time workers. Among even younger working adults, ages 16 to 24, the gender wage gap lessens further, with women making 93% of what men earn. But there’s no guarantee that today’s young women will sustain their near-parity with men in earnings: The analysis shows that young women fall further behind their same-aged male counterparts as they age and deal with the responsibilities of parenthood and family.

Within the American workforce, there are many gaps in earnings between demographic groups, including by race and ethnicity. However, a separate Center analysisfound that white men had higher median hourly earnings ($21) than every other racial/ethnic/gender subgroup except one: Asian men, whose median hourly earnings were $24.

7The wage gap between young workers with college degrees and their less-educated counterparts is the widest in decades. On virtually every measure of economic well-being and career attainment, young college graduates are outperforming their peers without a degree to a greater extent than in the past. With the cost of college soaring and student debt rising in recent years, there’s been much debate about the value of a college education. An update of our previous economic analysis has found that college graduates ages 25 to 34 working full time in 2015 earned more annually – about $20,000 more – than employed young adults holding only a high school diploma. The pay gap was significantly smaller in previous generations.

College-educated adults also are more likely to be employed full time than their less-educated counterparts, and are significantly less likely to be unemployed: In July, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, unemployment was 2.5% among adults with a bachelor’s degree or higher, versus 5% among adults with only a high-school diploma.

8 A much smaller share of U.S. teens work today compared with earlier decades. In the 1970s, ’80s and ’90s, most teens could expect to be working for at least part of their summer vacation. But the share of teens working summer jobs has dwindled since the early 1990s: After bottoming out in 2010 and 2011 at 29.6%, the teen summer employment rate edged higher but was still only 31.3% in summer 2014. (It had edged up to 32.3% by last summer.) The decline of summer jobs reflects an overall decline in youth employment in recent decades, a trend that’s also been observed in other advanced economies.

Another way of looking at youth employment, or the lack thereof, is by focusing on “NEETs” – that is, young people who are neither employed nor in education or training. Last year, 16.9% of all Americans ages 16 to 29 – or nearly 10.2 million young people – were NEETs. That’s actually a modest improvement: In 2013, the first year for which data are available, there were just over 11 million NEETs in the U.S., or 18.5% of the 16-to-29 population. Our analysis found that in the U.S., the NEET youth population is more female than male (57% to 43%); two-thirds have a high-school education or less, and blacks and Hispanics are more likely than whites to be NEETs.

9 By contrast, more older Americans are working. In May of this year, 18.8% of Americans ages 65 and older – nearly 9 million people – reported being employed full– or part-time, continuing a steady increase since at least 2000. Older workers represented 5.9% of all employed Americans that month, up from 3.1% in May 2000. Older Americans were working at higher rates than in May 2008 – the only age brackets about which that can be said.

10 Raising the minimum wage is a highly partisan issue. Overall, 58% of Americans favor increasing the federal minimum wage from $7.25 an hour to $15, according to an August Pew Research Center survey. There’s a stark divide between supporters of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump: 82% of Clinton supporters favor raising the federal minimum wage to $15, while nearly as many Trump supporters (76%) oppose it. Twenty-nine states, plus the District of Columbia and nearly two dozen cities and counties, have set their own higher minimums. But wide disparities in the cost of living in different parts of the country – and even within individual states – complicate the policy debate.

Okay, okay, wake up you guys in the back.  I’ll get back to the funny stuff now.

Strange Thoughts

– The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
– My 60th year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 195 lbs. I’ve gained.
– I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here fill this out”?
– The speed in which a woman says “Nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.
– Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’  If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
– The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
– I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
– I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
– What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
– When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider… just so I can finally hear a women say, “Oh my God, it’s huge!”

Quite funny and not a single bad word used:

9 pounds of gold

A husband and wife were very happy over the nine pound baby boy that was born to them.

Mr. Brown, who could not conceal his delight, called up the editor of a famous newspaper and reported that he had become the proud owner of a nine pound nugget of gold. The editor, upon hearing seemingly extraordinary news, sent his star reporter to interview Mr. Brown.

When the reporter came, Mr. Brown was away and his wife was alone at home….

Reporter:- Does Mr. Brown live here?

Mrs. Brown:- Oh! yes.

Reporter:- Is he in?

Mrs. Brown:- No, he went somewhere.

Reporter:- Is it true that he owns a nine pound nugget of gold?

Mrs. Brown:- (Realizing the joke) Yes! Indeed.

Reporter:- Can I see the place where he found it?

Mrs. Brown:- I’m afraid not because Mr. Brown objects in as much as it is strictly private.

Reporter:- Is the place far?

Mrs. Brown:- No, it is quite near and convenient.

Reporter:- How many years has Mr. Brown been digging the hole?

Mrs. Brown:- Just about two years.

Reporter:- Is the hole deep?

Mrs. Brown:- Quite so…

Reporter:- At about what time does Mr. Brown start digging?

Mrs. Brown:- Oh, he does his digging mostly at night.

Reporter:- Does he work hard on it?

Mrs. Brown:- You bet….and how he perspires!

Reporter:- Is Mr. Brown the first to dig?

Mrs. Brown:- He thought he was….

Reporter:- How do you know there was someone ahead of him?

Mrs. Brown:- I’m in good position to say so, because I own the place.

Reporter:- Oh, I see, but did you sell the place to Mr. Brown?

Mrs. Brown:- No, but for the present he has the legal title to the site.

Reporter:- Has Mr. Brown any helper when he works?

Mrs. Brown:- Yes, I work under him….

Reporter:- Do you think Mr. Brown will sell the place?

Mrs. Brown:- I don’t think so because he enjoys working on it.

Reporter:- Can I see the nine pound nugget of gold?

Mrs. Brown:- Yes, certainly…

(She showed him the nine pound baby boy..)

The reporter fainted….

Safety First.
Just kidding, coffee first.  Safety’s like third or fourth.

The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private “OFF LIMITS” area on all aircraft carriers.  Addressing all personnel at Pearl, CINCPAC advised, “Female sleeping quarters will be “out-of-bounds” for all males.

Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time.”

He continued, “Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150.

“Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500.  Are there any questions?”

At this point, a Marine from the security detail assigned to a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired; “How much for a season pass Sir?”

Figures it would be a Marine.

And here’s a really nice story with a good moral at the end.

In the dead of Summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, “Gosh… if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed.”

There was a fish in the water thinking, “Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches I can eat him.”

There was a bear on the shore thinking “Gosh…if that fly goes down three inches… that fish will jump for the fly… and I will eat him.”

It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. “Gosh” he thought “if that fly goes down three inches… and that fish leaps for it… that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I’ll shoot the bear and then have a proper lunch.”

You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there was more. A wee mouse by the hunter’s foot was thinking “Gosh… if that fly goes down three  inches… and that fish jumps for that fly… and that bear grabs for that fish… the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich.”

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time “Gosh… if that fly goes down three inches…and that fish jumps for that fly… and that bear grabs for that fish…and that hunter shoots that bear… and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich… then I can have mouse for lunch.”

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water… The fish swallows the fly… The bear grabs the fish… The hunter shoots the bear… The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich… The cat jumps for the mouse… The mouse ducks… The cat falls into the water.

The moral of the story is…. Whenever a fly goes down three inches… Some pussy is probably in danger of getting wet.

So, for today’s last word, a fast update on how my hip is doing.  I haven’t been back to see the surgeon yet, that happens on Tuesday, but I believe things are going okay.

There’s a lot more pain involved than I thought there would be, as well as a lot of swelling.  My right leg is swollen from my waste line to my toes. And that has me worried about my replaced knee, which is on the same side, and whether it is suffering any damage. 

But, overall I am doing okay and am happy that I had it done.  I’ll send you out with a couple of medical humor cartoons.  Be well my friends until next week.

I’m dashing this off Friday 8/25 well ahead of my posting deadline in anticipation of problems. So while that is a picture of flooding in Houston it is not one from the present time. As of this writing only time will tell how bad our situation becomes.

Already today I have had numerous well wishes and offers of prayers ahead of Harvey’s arrival in my Inbox as well as the blog comments. To those folks I say, many thanks. We’re going to need all the well wishes luck and prayers we can get I fear as the expected rainfall accumulation totals seem to be climbing higher with each new update. I would add that since my comments posted in the blog we have managed to obtain a supply of bottled water. Molly brilliantly thought of a place where nobody would immediately think of going and luckily, they did indeed still have some.

I will try to keep you all updated as to what is going on, but that may well come via Impish.

Huh? What was that? You’re kidding right? Aren’t you over that shtick yet? OK! OK! SIGH!

Let me rephrase that last line before I got interrupted-

“I will try to keep you all updated as to what is going on, but that may well come via Impish”… of Borg.

While I remember and have the chance, a minor housekeeping issue:

Impish will be presenting the Labor Day issue this year not me and you can probably expect to see that on Saturday unless I miss my guess.

Since I need to do this as quickly as possible please excuse me if the issue isn’t up to my usual high standards.

Some of you cautioned Impish to take it slow and easy and not overdo things with his recovery. As you can see here we are trying to restrain him and slow him down.  We keep telling him resistance is futile but he keeps hollering that’s his line now! Why isn’t anything ever easy anymore?

 

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Local MP who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS – Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, The Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

I think Mikey likes that last one.

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, “It was a good idea you had to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church fills first.”

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, “And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I suppose the rock ‘n roll gospel choir you brought in was another good idea. We are packed into the balcony.”

“Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

“Well,” said the elderly priest, “I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

“But, Father,” protested the young priest, “my confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!”

“I know, son,” replied the elderly priest, “but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot n’ Tell or Go To Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”

 

3 Blonds decided to go for walk in the woods.

Being blond they got lost. They then decided that the best way to find their way back home, was to find some animal tracks. So they could follow them to some water then follow the water to the river and then back to town. Simple right?

But NO you forgot they’re blond. So they looked and looked and finally found some tracks.

The First Blond yells “we’re saved.”

The other two ask her what is she yelling about. So she shows them the tracks and says all we have to do is follow these rabbit track and they will Lead us to a babbling brook, then we follow that to a creek, then follow that to a stream, then to the river and then follow that back into town.

The second blond says are you crazy they aren’t rabbit tracks these are lion tracks if we follow them it will lead us to his lion’s den and he will eat us.

The Third blond says to the second your crazy these aren’t lion tracks they are bear tracks if we follow them it will lead us to his cave and he will eat us. That started a heated argument it went on and on. They were still arguing when they were hit and killed by the train.

3 Georgia ladies went on vacation.

1 went to California

1 went to Florida

1 went to Texas.

When they got back they were telling each other about there trip.

(best said in an southern type Georgian accent)

The one that went to California was saying out there they have men who kiss men on the lips. They call them queers.

The one who went to Florida said well down in Florida they have women who kiss women on their lips they call them lesbians.

The one that went to Texas said “That’s nothing. Down in Texas they have men who kiss women on their private parts.”

They both were shocked at that, and ask what do they call them.

The third lady said I don’t know but when he got through I called him “Precious”

SEVEN DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.

The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says,

“Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, “You dummy, it’s me!”

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it!!!” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

“Is it mine?”

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about? Bambi pondered the question then finally said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the

Delaware.”

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,

“I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”

 

A BOY AND HIS FROG

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,

“If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess,

I’ll stay with you and do Anything you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, “What is it? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful Princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do Anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The boy said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool.”

 

Ut-oh! I know that look! That last one landed me in hot (flood?) water!

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this Father?”

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.

The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24 year old blonde stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son

“Go get your mother.”

I’m all for gender equality. That having been said, I do sometimes think it get taken to extremes for the sake of Political Correctness. I will admit that I think I’m a fan of Iron Woman however.

And I can get behind Super Girl

On the other hand I’m not so much a fan of the female Japanese version of KISS.

OK I have run out of time for the issue as our A/C just started leaking condensate everywhere and maintenance is supposed to be on the way.

I’m going to post it as is and set it to auto post for Wednesday like normal. If/when I have time, internet and power I may come back to it or at least append it with a brief update on how we’re doing.

Mean while I’m going to try and…

 

Too many faked and photoshopped pictures showing up on the bane of our existence, social media already. These are all real and largely come from CNN

I had added some identifiers and/or context to a few of them.

Above is the downtown metro Houston. All the brown you see is standing water.

Some near 4000 people were forced to take shelter at the George R. Brown Convention Center.

That’s a view of Tidwell Rd it is a main thoroughfare. All those boats you see are going ack and down the side streets to rescue people and bring them back to this assembly point where they will be transported to a shelter. 

Below is Spring Texas, to which we are actually closer than Metro Houston.  It is only about 5 to 8 miles from us as you drive, probably closer as the crow flies.

This is our exit off I-45. From this location to our apartment might be 3 miles. The photo was taken the morning of the 28th. As you can see not only is the feeder/service/frontage road flooded by the highway is as well.

Buffalo Bayou flooding a portion of downtown Houston on the 27th.

This will be the last Harvey Report I’ll be making unless something unexpected happens.

I started these comments this morning sometime:

3.68 inches of rain in last 24 hours but it continues to rain, abet at slower accumulation rates as Harvey continues to move eastward.

Ponding out back of me: After I had posted  my comments last night we got a period of heavier rain. With the water table basically at surface level anything falling was either running off or just sitting there. The ponding area had tripled in size when I went to lay down (can’t really say when I went to sleep) however I should probably point out that when I say ponding I’m talking about standing surface water perhaps 1/4 to 1/2″ deep in the lawn area.

Once the rainfall rate again reduced the pond again shrunk and is once again limited to just the 2 lowest areas where it tends to pond a bit with every heavy rainfall simply because it cannot run off as easily.

Below is a photo of the church in the small town of Refugio Texas, 55 miles inland from where Harvey came ashore as a CAT 4.  Basically every building in the small town has been destroyed.

 

Continuing now this evening:

The rain has moved to the East past us. It has not rained here in about 4 or 5 hours now I’d guess.  Total rainfall for my area is guesstimated to be between 35 and 40” perhaps more.  What ever the actual amount it is certainly unprecedented and a record.  Flooded areas still are the norm.  Rivers Streams Creeks & Bayous continue to over run their banks and in some cases their flooding is increasing.

Around 6:0 – 6:30 I actually saw a beam of sunlight for the first time since last Thursday. It wasn’t big maybe card table sized shining on a feature of the building behind us but it was glorious.

Molly has received word that the building her company is in has taken water damage from a leaking roof.  As a manager she needs to go in tomorrow to access the damages. As yet we haven’t been able to locate a passable route for her to get from here to there, even when taking some serious convoluted ones. She will re-access in the morning but will be going nowhere before full sun as driving is still just too dangerous.

Many towns and areas are declaring curfews as sadly the lowlife scum are beginning to appear in force to rob and loot and otherwise exploit peoples misery for their own gain.

We continue to be safe secure dry and have all our utilities. The ponding behind us has rapidly diminished to the point of now just being 2 areas that are obviously wetter than everywhere else.

At the moment it’s 75 out with 82% humidity. Tomorrow it calls for 84 with only a 20% chance or rain during the day but tomorrow as evening comes on that’s going to jump up to an 80% chance of T-storms as the moisture the sun has been evaporating all day and pulling up will suddenly want to come down.  I expect this to be the norm for at least the rest of the week.

Both Molly and I are grateful for the thoughts prayers wells wishes and other signs of support from all of you. Not only did it buoy our spirits, I swear if helped us weather (no pun intended) this event as well as we did. Thank You one and all.

I’m off now (I hope) to get some decent sleep.

Look for an issue of Leprechaun Laughs to post at it’s regular time.