Good Morning Campers,

Well, played darts for the first time last night since all this started and it went pretty good.  Did find out that it’s been almost 4 months since I’ve had a dart in my hand and that hasn’t done much for my aim … but it was a good night.  We tried to social distance as much as we could and did a good job of staying away from each other and that sort of thing.  It was really nice to get a night out with a bunch of people who I consider part of my extended family.

Things have been REALLY buys on the work front.  They have been keeping my little blue (okay, my BIG blue) ass hopping these last couple of days filled with phone calls and reports and all kinds of weird requests.  Makes me think that something might be afoot.  Stay tuned for more information on that as the days progress.

Other than that, my life is going along as you might expect.  I read an article this morning that some fucking idiots in Richmond, Virginia tore down a statue of Christopher Columbus, set it on fire and tossed it in a lake as a symbol of racial oppression.  Really?  The dude credited with discovering America?  Racial Oppression?  You fucking dick-heads.  The empty pedestal was spray-painted and covered with a sign saying, “Columbus Represents Genocide”.  Some dumb ass (I’m not going to give her air time by mentioning her name here) said, “We have to start where it all began.  We have to start with the people who first stood on this land.”  So I guess Native American Lives Matter?  Indigenous Peoples Lives Matter?  Hey dumb asses – ALL LIVES MATTER!!!  Mine as much as yours.  I don’t give a damn what color your skin is, where you came from, or anything else.  We all have the exact same opportunities in this country.  We all know right from wrong. 

Dammit to hell!  I told myself I wasn’t going to do this.  But this shit pisses me off!  I wasn’t given anything special growing up.  My parents worked for a friggin’ living!  Dad worked at least two jobs, Mom was an RN and worked full time.  Hell, the first ten years of my life I don’t think my mom and dad even saw each other except as one walked in the door and the other walked out on the way to work!  And they passed that work ethic on to us kids.

At one point in time I was working one full-time and three part-time jobs just to make ends meet.  I did that for three fucking years!  I’m 61 years old and retirement is still a dream to me, working full-time because I can’t afford to retire.  Because that’s what a grown ass adult does!

Don’t tell me about how fucking privileged I am!  You want something out of life?  Get an education, get a job, and get whatever the hell you want!  But most of all, QUIT YOUR FUCKING WHINING AND BITCHING AND GET OFF YOUR ASS AND DO SOMETHING CONSTRUCTIVE INSTEAD OF SOMETHING DESTRUCTIVE!

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Okay, my apologies.  I kinda went off the deep end there.  I just went outside, smoked a cigar.  Kicked a flowerpot into the neighbor’s yard, drank a shot of Jameson.  Drank another shot of Jameson.  I was going to go back and delete everything I wrote, but I thought, no … that is the way I feel.  I’m really tired of all of this.  I was watching this thing on TV last night and was flipping through the channels and saw this quick shot of George Floyd and they had his picture up and had him on a background with like angel wings behind him and it almost made me throw up.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  The man didn’t deserve to have happen to him what happened.  But he was a fucking lowlife thug.  The cops deserve to be charged.  The two younger ones deserve some leniency.  I’ve been in a situation where I’ve had to follow orders or been the new guy and not known what I should do when an older, higher ranking piece of shit did something wrong and you didn’t know what you should do.  Those two rookies should have known better, but they were still just rookies.  Cut them some slack.

Anyway …

I gotta quit or I’m gonna rant all day, I can feel it in me.

So, let’s do something else, okay?

But first, I thought this was kind of appropriate after my rant…thanks to Aussie Peter for sending it to me…kinda the way I feel this morning

God, I sure hope the rioters in D.C. don’t do anything to the IRS building at 1111 Constitution Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20224.  That would just be terrible!

I saw a bumper sticker that said, “I am a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal.”

Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the roads.

Q:  How did you meet your husband?

A:  I’m a pharmacist.  He cam to buy condoms and asked for XXXXL.  And it was only after we got married I realized that he stutters.

I was told there would be a handbasket.

There are so very few of us left … and we’re mostly quite busy …

Since the wedding guests included all of the bride’s female volleyball team-mates, her bouquet stayed in the air for two whole hours.

Her:  You’ll never succeed in building your happiness on the unhappiness of others!

Him:  For the last time, I didn’t take your stupid chocolate bar, ok!?

Or a Social Worker … we can send you a Social Worker.

Excuse me, what time is it?

I can only tell you approximately …

Okay, go on!

… it’s Friday.

That’s a really good question, Mr. Sowell.  Sadly, I wish we had a really good answer to go with it.

Her:  Darling, I’m so sorry for what I said!  I don’t know what could have gotten into me!

Him:  It’s okay, honey.  Oh, don’t touch your bowl of soup!  Let me get you a fresh one!

Ouch!

On my application form, when it says who to contact in an emergency … I always put, ambulance or police … I mean, what the fuck is my mother gonna do?

She has moments when she seems stable, but then so does nitroglycerin.

I bought a porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of a fat guy holding his dong.

Then I realized the TV wasn’t on.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

Ah.. more math humor!

Hey Sasquatch buddy, this one is for you!!!

https://www.sadanduseless.com/assquatch/

Leah D just made a really good point in an email she sent me.  She said:

I am still shaking my head.  I had posted two videos, one was Candace Owens, a black woman, and the other was Larry Elder, a black man, both are highly educated.  Both speak out against the rancid black tirades.  Face book deleted them!  They are censoring anything opposite the extreme Liberal view.

I’ve heard the same thing from several friends of mine who are really into the whole Facebook, Twitter thing.  I don’t do either of them.  I do all of my posting here and I’m just waiting for someone to start telling me that a blog at a website that I pay for is going to be censored.  But, I’m sure it’s coming.  Any of you having the same problems?  Hmm, whatever happened to free speech?

 

Instead of canceling all the Fests this summer … we simply call them Protests with food and live music … then thousands can come and it will all be perfectly fine.

Yeah, okay.  I want to know, too.  And where is this posted?  And the women’s restroom?  Really and quite literally, WTF?

At every party there are two kinds of people, those who want to go home and those who want to stay.  The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

For all the peaceful protestors upset about being lumped in with the rioters, looters and lawbreakers …

It’s kinda like all the great police officers getting lumped in with the few bad ones, isn’t it?

Nicely said.

Now that’s great advertising!

Did You Know: (Crap, what now?) Sylvester Stallone was so poor (How poor was he? hee, hee – oh – it’s not one of those?  Sorry…) ahem … was so poor during the early days of his career he had to sell his dog to make ends meet.  (Aww.  that’s so sad!)  I know, right, but after his success of “Rocky” he was able to buy him back!  Okay, so happy ending.

Ouch!  Damn!

Okay, so I guess I have to print this cause it’s been sent to me by a couple of different people now … and I do agree with it, but it is borderline ranting again and I’m gonna have to add my own two cents worth in somewhere…maybe … we’ll see.  Here it goes.

As a man, I used to think I was pretty much just a regular person, but I was born white, into a two-parent household which now, whether I like it or not, makes me “Privileged”, a racist and responsible for slavery. 

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist because I plan, budget and support myself.

I went to High School, got a degree, got in some college and have always held a job. But I now find out that I am not here because I earned it, but because I was “advantaged”.  I think I actually have one whole year of college and I think I actually spent one whole week on unemployment in my entire lifetime.

I am heterosexual, which according to “gay” folks, now makes me a homophobe. 

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a de facto member of the “vast NRA gun lobby”

I am older than 60, making me a useless eater who doesn’t understand Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat.  (Guess I have to lay claim to part of this.  I understand all of those, just don’t like them or use them)

I think and I reason, (I read books) and I doubt much of what the “main stream” media tells me, which makes me a “Right-wing conspiracy nut”.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.  (I think I will lay claim to this one.  I am definitely an anti-socialist.  I think Socialism is the equivalent of communism.  Everyone is equal.  It’s just that some of us are more equal than others.)

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort – not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for & by all citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for and the many who died to let it fly, so I stand and salute during our National Anthem (and never, under any circumstances, kneel!) – so I must be a racist.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!

Funny – it all took place over the last 7 or 8 years! If all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with, now I don’t even know which restroom to use… and I gotta go more FREQUENTLY!  (Okay, can’t lay claim to this one.  I have no doubt at all which restroom to use)

I just found the Impish Dragon, a couple months ago! How did I ever survive?  And what a sweet last line to throw in there!  Thanks!  This version was from Gale N.  But, like I said, I got it from several different people!

Sure, because I’m watching my sugar intake.

I’ll bet aliens ride past earth and lock their doors.

Daddy’s little girl can get him to do anything.

Leah sent us a comment about yesterday’s issue …

Leah d.

When Lethal was an active participant, I always wondered how two, such close, Like Minds, could approach with a different view.
I appreciated and Liked your Minds!

Thanks Leah.  Yeah, it was a wonder, that’s for sure.  We approached the same thing from two different sides, invariably we’d end up on the same side of things, yet see it from two opposing views.  The amount of times we argued over the same thing, just a fine point or two was amazing.  Love that guy, still do.

We are getting pounded with storms right now.  Very exciting.  Makes me want to go out and fly and play amongst the lightning.  Blow off a little steam.  Think that’s exactly what I will do.  So, I will leave you here.  With this final thought.  Love one another each day, laugh with each other each day, and live each day with each other as if today was the last one you had on earth, because one day, you’ll be right.

Cheers dear friends.

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Great and Illustrious Campers,

This is one of the headers that Lethal Leprechaun made for me many years ago and I’m using it today because glancing through my calendar and Saturday would have been the tenth anniversary of Lethal being my partner in doing Leprechaun Laffs along with Dragon Laffs and since Wednesdays were the days that he normally published and Saturdays were the days that I normally published I just thought it would be a fitting tribute to use one of his old headers that he made for me and just put a little memory of him right up front.  I miss you buddy.  Every day. 

He always had a warped sense of humor.  Warped enough to match mine.  I loved it when we ran the continuous stories where each episode we were pick up where the other left off.  We would try to write each other into a corner and make it tougher and tougher for the other one to try and find a way out.  He was a nutter for Irish mythology and was continuously throwing one Irish god or goddess at me or another and at one point in time we had Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (of course fitted out with the latest in modern weaponry) working for us.  And I was forever being checked in and out of the Hokey Pokey Clinic.

We had a great run buddy, and the header to the blog still, to this day holds your moniker “Leprechaun Fables and Dragon Tales”.  His “About Lethal Leprechaun”  is still there and you can still read it.  I haven’t really changed much since his passing.  I haven’t had the heart since the two of us worked so hard to make the website what it is now.

Maybe I will someday and make it what it originally started out as.  It was originally Dragon Laffs.  I had been doing this for many years before Lethal came along, but I think for the 9 and a half years or so that Lethal was with me it turned into something special … it still is special, don’t get me wrong.  But, it’s special in my way now, not in OUR way. 

Have a beer for me buddy, we’ll meet up again some day, I’m sure of it.  And the funny part is… we never met in real life.  Spoke on the phone almost every day.  Texted a hundred times a day.  Shared thousands of emails.  But he lived in Houston and I lived in Indiana and our paths never crossed in real life.  Isn’t that funny. 

He was always the brother from another mother.  I still love you brother.  Semper Fi. 

Now, on to the other stuff.  While I go wipe my eyes and blow my nose.

Time traveler:  Hey what year is this?

Me:  2020

Time traveler:  Has it happened yet?

Me:  What?

Time traveler:  The disaster

Me:  Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?

 

 

A little gray hair is a small price to pay for all this wisdom.

 

Stephanie sent this quick one.  Sure hope it’s one she heard and not about her husband …

We have 2 dogs that are Boxers; big, house dogs who think they are lap dogs. We stopped to talk with someone whose dog jumped up on my husband. When the owner scolded the dog yelling, “Get down!” my husband said, “Don’t worry, it’s OK. He’s just smelling my Boxers.”

Ohhh, Honey!

Now that is FRIGGIN’ AWESOME!!!!!

Potatoes make french fries, chips, and vodka.  It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

No, dammit!  We aren’t doing this shit again!!

What washes up on tiny beaches?

… Microwaves

A neighbor suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Tasted horrible!

I’m sticking with whipped cream!

The problem with modern society in one quick cartoon.

I found a horror book written in braille.  Something bad is going to happen;  I can feel it.

Of course I talk like an idiot.

How else could you understand me?

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Coram, New York where Bozo James Prescott heard police knocking on his front door. He knew they were there to serve him with a warrant for petty larceny and assault. So, our bozo decides he will try to escape–through a roof vent. Once on the roof, with the house surrounded, the bozo realizes his only hope for getaway is to flee through a sump that leads to an underground sewer pipe. One problem, the sewer pipe is only 18 inches wide. Still, our bozo managed to squirm about 200 feet before getting stuck. And there he stayed, literally trying to keep his head above water and above everything else while praying no one in the house flushes a toilet. He waited for the cops to go away. They didn’t. Finally, after being stuck in the pipe for five hours, he called out for the cops to come rescue him, which they did, just before they hosed down and arrested him.

Thanks to John S for sending us these Bozo’s of the day!

Is that true, Peter?

The desire to tell stories that a lot of you have sent me about different protests across the country and share them here are almost overwhelming, but that is not really what I’m here about.  And because if I do I’ll start ranting again and that is not what I want to do either.  Suffice it to say that there are a lot of good stories and bad stories out there and I appreciate you sending them to me and I enjoy reading them and I want you to continue sending them to me.

I’m considering setting up a pair of “door pants” by the front door so I have a quick and easy access to pants when delivery people and such come to the house.

Door Pants!

Ah, the L’s.  From Licking outlets, to Life, to Lobster Knife fights.  We’ve got it all here for you.

That’s a really good point.  She probably wouldn’t have been that way had she been out with you at the pub drinking beer.  Or even at home by herself drinking beer.  Or out with her mates drinking beer.  It’s the damn tea!

There is absolutely nothing I can add to that to make it better.

Marsha answered be about Joe L. and south Jersey …

Marsha M

Beesley’s point…if I remember right that is the best place to hunt for Cape May diamonds. I’ve been gone from Jersey 26 years now…still miss the ocean and the food …oh and the kids. Getting old sucks…but I did love the shore…used to work nights and sleep on the wildwood shore…34th street…or there abouts. Yep have the sun spots to prove it…yep would do it all again….thanks for the brief mental trip.

Thanks Nursey, Jersey Girl.  Ah … the good old days, sleeping on the beach, surfing, sailing, I swear as a kid I spent more time on the water than I did on dry land.

My son asked me if a punch bowl is where you keep the names of people you want to punch.

I usually keep them in my head, but storing them in decorative crystal seems really classy.

Okay, can we say it all together?

Actually from the looks of things, I’d say two fucking idiots.

NO!

50% of Canada is A

My daughter came up to me the other day and started coloring the top of my arm.  She was just looking for a shoulder to crayon.

It’s been six months since I joined the gym and no progress.  I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on.

I have a friend who is a taxidermist.  If you ask him what he does, he says, “Oh, you know, stuff.”

And that is it for me for today.  I hope you had a wonderful trip through my mind.  Be sure to tip your waitress on the way out.  And if you wish to communicate, send jokes, cartoons, memes, articles, well wishes, death threats, or anything in between, you can use impishdragon@gmail.com.  Until next time.

Cheers!

Good Morning Campers,

What a LONG weekend it’s been.  I sure have missed you guys.  Haven’t had time to even lift the lid on my laptop much less look at any emails or comments or anything.  I’m actually excited about getting back to you guys.  But I am so far behind in so many other things it’s not funny.  I didn’t realize how my life was laid out in such straight lines since this whole stay at home thing went into effect and now that I went in and worked the weekend for the first time since March, not only did it throw me completely out of whack, but it beat me to death, too.  I can definitely tell that it has been a while since I’ve stood on my feet for 8 hours and taught class.  Holy crap I feel like someone’s taken a baseball bat to my legs and back. 

And I didn’t get to mow the lawn over the weekend like I normally do, which means I need to fit that in somewhere soon…oh dear…it’s going to be a busy week for this little blue dragon.

But on a good note, our little protest went off on Saturday with nary a hitch.  Just about everybody played nicely.  We had one or two arrests.  Not from any protesters, but from what I understand from people protesting the protesters.  So, all is well that ends well.

And now I think it’s a good time to get around to battling some of that bullshit with laughter … don’t you agree?

I don’t know if I believe in “String Theory” or Knot.

No kidding!  Me t… What were we talking about?

Okay, this was quite cool.  How old are your reactions. 

https://www.justpark.com/creative/reaction-time-test/

You are in a car and when you see a stop sign you are supposed to hit any button and it tells you how old you are by your reactions.  The best I could do when I was using the mouse button was 25 years old.  But when I switched over to the space bar, it told me I wasn’t human.  My reactions were faster than than an 18 year old, which is the lowest they go.  Dragon Speed baby!  266 milliseconds was my best.  Just to give you guys something to shoot at.

Why does everyone force introverts to be talkative and leave their comfort zone, but no one forces the extroverts to shut up, even for a minute, to make the zone comfortable?

My son asked me, “Where does poo come from?”  I was a little uncomfortable, but gave him an honest explanation.  He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, “And Tigger?”

And now, you too can play 2020 Disaster BINGO at home!  Through the magic of modern technology, all you have to do is right click the image below, hit your print button and your computer will print a randomly generated 2020 Disaster BINGO card from your own computer!*  That’s right kids, your own playing piece!  And now you, too can have all the fun and win all the prizes associated with these unprecedented times!  Just get a row across, up and down or diagonally!  And then flip the card over, scratch off the special square on the back and see what you’ve won!  Will it be a Fifteen minute free looting spree!  Your own AR-15 assault rifle!  Or maybe even the grand prize … Dinner with George Soros – the mastermind behind the whole 2020 Disaster Plan!  Good Luck and get playing!

*I’m friggin’ kidding!  Right clicking isn’t going to do anything!

Okay, on a more serious note… we’re going to try and help out one of our fellow campers.  Stephanie sent me the following email.  And seriously … and I mean this, I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOU TO JUDGE HER!  It’s hard enough on all of us right now, okay?

Well the Covid19 pandemic has finally affected me financially. In order to offset the extra cost for food,electricity,house payment etc ….. I’m needing to make some extra money  on the side.

So…

I am now proud to announce that I am selling Adult toys….I hope no one will be embarrassed to ask for them. I have all kinds, sizes and styles according to your needs. Discretion is guaranteed!!

I am more than willing and able to demonstrate any items for … Ask for yours anytime. I have everything listed below.

-Walkers

-wheelchairs

-oxygen tanks

-canes

-disposable diapers

-teeth glue

-heating pads

and more!

I’ve known Stephanie for many years, and I can vouch for her discretion, so if anyone would like her contact info, just let me know…

I got this email the other day from a guy named Joe L with the subject line of “Very upset!” and I thought … oh crap!  Who’ve I pissed off this time.  Because, believe it or not, it has happened once or twice – okay maybe more – and I’ve been just a tad more controversial lately.  So I opened the email and this is what I got:

Impish Dragon (Not sure how to address you)  Okay, it starts off nice enough.  Normally you can address me as Impish, Impish Dragon … I don’t usually care for Mr. Dragon (that’s usually reserved for my Dad) ( who, by the way, is also known as Papa Dragon most Senior), Oh Great and Powerful Blue One works, but no one hardly ever calls me that, Hey You … anyway, you get the idea

I am a new subscriber and very upset because I only found your TRULY GREAT ezine, mailing or whatever, a couple of weeks ago. Without a doubt you are the BEST! I’ve lost out on months, years or __________ until I accidentally found a link. I enjoy (and agree with) your comments and love your humor.  Oh well hey!  Isn’t that nice!  Wow, Joe!  What a truly wonderful and marvelous thing to say!  Thank you ever so much!  In all honesty, it is letters like that, that make this whole gig worthwhile.

Thank you for your excellent work!

…Joe in Southern NJ

Beesley’s Point is so small we don’t have a town drunk. We have to take turns.

And actually, I had to look Beesley’s Point up on Google Maps and I wrote back to Joe separately and we’ve talked a couple of times and I told him that as close to Atlantic City and Cape May as Beesley’s Point is, I’ve probably been drunk there a few times.  Hey Marsha, you ever hear of Beesley’s Point?  You’re from that neck of the woods?

Well, and then Joe wrote back to me and said:

Beesley’s Point doesn’t show up on a lot of maps.

We’re the extreme northern tip of Cape May County.

You must have supplied your own refreshment because Ocean City is a dry town. Exceptions are private clubs and personal supplies.

You have ‘the feel’ for real humor. That gift is not shared by everyone.

Thanks again,

…Joe in NJ

  And I think my reply was something to the effect of that I could have started out drunk and gotten there on my own.  But, this was back in the late 70s and I was just a teenager – the drinking age back then was 18, therefore most of us started when we were 16, but Joe was so complimentary that I just had to share it with the rest of you.  Thanks Joe.  You made my day brother Jerseyite. 

My Dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

I have an uncle, once removed.

Oregon has Ok’d marijuana curbside delivery …

You pull up, a guy hands you a bag of weed through the window and you hand him cash.

Just like the good old days!

Husband:  I want you to have this bracelet.  It belonged to my Grandmother.

Wife:  Why does it say “Do Not Resuscitate”?

I almost didn’t include this one because of how controversial the topic is, but without going into the topic itself, isn’t this just a tad fucking hypocritical to you dumbasses?  You can’t have it both ways!

Deep breaths Impish, deep breaths — No rants!

Salads don’t kill people.

People who eat salads kill people.

Drink beer.

Too soon?  I think it’s too soon. 

Really, is it too soon?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland, where bozo George White broke into a home with the intent of quickly finding anything of value and quickly getting out. Unfortunately his plan went awry when he came into the large video room of the house and found a big screen TV with a new Nintendo game system hooked up to it. Our bozo paused to play a quick game and before you knew it, he was totally enthralled in the game. So enthralled, he lost all track of time. In the meantime, the neighbors, who knew the homeowners were supposed to be on vacation, called police to report some suspicious activity. Bozo was still trying to conquer Super Mario World when police arrived.

Yeah, that’s pretty damn dumb.

Yeah … we have to laugh at ourselves.

I’m not really a control freak

BUT …

can I show you the right way to do that?

Really?  Your sure it’s not too soon?  Okay, if we can’t laugh … yeah, you know the rest.

If I skip dessert due to a coronary condition, have I “put the heart before the course”?

Okay, that’s just bad all the way around!!

A husband buys a dozen panties of the same color for his wife.  His wife protests, “Why the same color, people will think I don’t change my panties.”

Husband replies, “Which people?”

So my wife walked out on me after I spent our life savings on a penis extension … she said she just couldn’t take it any longer!

Say what you will about women, but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument is a heck of a talent.

Dear Men ~ If you’re going to watch porn, at least learn something form it!

Sincerely, Unsatisfied women everywhere.

Always a plus…

Don’t use a big word when a singularly un-loquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.

For the same reason I grew up to be an old man … it just fucking happened!

I know, I just keep going on and on.  But, part of me just doesn’t want to stop…but I really need to.  I got stuff to do!  So, I guess I’m gonna have to call it quits right here.  So, until tomorrow.  Dang … I didn’t even get to the mail or nothin’ Oh well, I guess we’ll get that tomorrow.

Love to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Okay, I’ve had enough.  Enough with the protests, enough with the bullshit.  Put it all away and just stop!  What the four cops did was wrong.  They’ve been arrested.  End of story.  But what George Floyd did was wrong, too.  Not wrong enough to be killed for, but everyone is making this dude out to be a Saint!  I’m looking at my email and I see this headline from one of the news sources that I subscribe to “Hundreds Gather at Memorial for George Floyd After Days of Nationwide Protests” and “The Rev. Al Sharpton will give the eulogy at Thursday’s memorial for George Floyd in Minneapolis.”  And I can just imagine how THAT went.  It’s all democratic political bullshit!  Designed to incite people.  George Floyd was a career criminal, in and out of jail multiple times who once held a gun on a pregnant lady’s stomach, in her own home, while he and his buddy’s robbed her!  This was not a good man.  No, he didn’t deserve to die the way he did, but the cops who did it have been arrested.  NOW LET IT THE FUCK GO!

Okay, I’m done. 

Hey, that was pretty short this morning. 

You know, I get up every morning and my government email is filled with messages from the over night alerts about what’s been going on.  Flash alerts.  4 people shot over here; 3 cops hurt over there; earthquakes; explosions; stuff like that.  And of course lately, it’s been a lot of protest stuff.  So, as I’m getting ready in the morning, especially working from home, I’m reviewing the “overnights” and it tends to get me pissed off first thing in the morning.  And even when I’m not working from home, the alerts come across the email on my government phone and it works out the same anyway.  But, starting out your day being pissed off every morning is probably not the best way to go about things.  Is it any wonder that I come to the campgr0und so many times complaining of a headache, lol?  and you guys thought that was all part of the shtick.

So, when I get up in the morning and find that I only have a couple of messages that says that Utah got hit with a couple of 4.2 earthquakes over night, then it’s been a good morning (Sorry Leah) (and yes, I get a surprising number of messages about earthquakes around the world … I don’t know why).  Anyway, lately it’s all be protest related and it’s been stressing me out and pissing me off and I’ll try really hard not to rant any more.

Yeah … like THAT’S gonna happen.

 

Must be an epidemic …

Thanks to Lynn for this next one … it’s really quite cool!

A farmer had a very large metal pole shed that he no longer
wanted. The Amish Family next door said they wanted it. 

How will you move it was asked. 

They replied that some of their friends would help them carry it to his property about 800 yards away. 

Who would have thought that 250 friends would show up?   See attached video.
https://youtu.be/hZL7TqSeDus

Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag?

Me: No thank you. It’s too hard to pour.

My daughter: (rolls eyes, shakes her head)

If Antifa does start coming to suburbia or rural areas like they claim, does anyone know what the bag limit will be?

 

 

When Bob found out he was to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.  So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away.  “I may  look like just an ordinary man,” he said as he walked up to her, “but in just a week or two my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.  Three days later, she became his stepmother.

AMEN!

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press one?”

So I did.

I don’t remember much after that.

Those SpaceX guys aren’t due back for a while.  Plenty of time for everyone to buy a gorilla suit and learn to ride a horse.

That is an AWESOME prank!

But!  But!  Santa!

Okay, so someone took some time with this one …

Some days I just don’t have enough middle fingers to go around.

Okay, so while we’re waiting on other stuff, let’s do some of this stuff … I know that doesn’t make any sense to y’all, but it makes perfect sense to me …

This first one is from Danny M. …

Danny

I have subscribed to other humor sites in the past but none compare to yours–not even close. I deeply appreciate the humor you provide. There’s now only one other humor page that I follow now but it is still far short of what we get here.

Wow!  Danny, that means a lot brother.  Truly it does.  Thanks, thanks a lot.  It gets me right here.  You can’t see me, but I’m pounding myself on my chest and Mrs. Dragon is giving me very odd looks, but I’m used to that and she’s used to that.  That’s what being an old married couple … no sweetheart, I’m not saying you’re old (oh shit!  Someone please help get me out of this!)  Um… Moving on now!!!!

Marsha M

Just a tidy bit of info…I heard 1 of the protesting Rectal Orrivis say they plan to continue till the 4 police officers are sentenced. Sure hope they stick to their work ethic on that.

Hi ya Nursey Jersey Girl!  Yeah, as we’ve already determined, I’m done with the whole protesting –> Rioting –> Looting –> Bullshit thing going on.  For them to say that they are going to continue until they 4 are sentenced … well … I can’t see America putting up with that shit for that long.

Maybe …

Okay campers!  YOU HAVE GOT TO WATCH THIS LADY SPEAK!!!!!!

https://www.bizpacreview.com/2020/06/04/candace-owens-lights-social-media-ablaze-with-hard-hitting-confession-on-george-floyd-tragedy-929748?fbclid=IwAR1zHRjMiUCp1PhpSB0s0uzrSALLWgBzYEZfmcsn1TxjLEHEkCo9ih8eSVY

Candace Owens is a conservative black lady who speaks the truth.  She said it so much better (and so much more eloquently) than I ever could.  Please, if you don’t click on anything else that I have ever put in Dragon Laffs, please click on the link above.

And thank you so very much to Trish for sending me the link.  I watched this on someone else’s phone last night and have been searching for it and out of the blue, Trish sent it to me.  Bless you Trish!!

And I think that is a very good place to end today.  I hope that gave you all something to think about.  That should give us all something to think about.

Cheers! ~~ Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

While I’m thinking about it, let me get the timetable for this weekend straight.  Today is Thursday for me so your getting this on Friday.  I’m working Saturday teaching class all day and there is the big protest in my little town so you won’t get an issue on Sunday.  I’m working Sunday teaching class all day so you won’t get an issue on Monday.  So, after your issue on Saturday, you won’t get an issue again until Tuesday where I’ll catch you up on everything that happens over the weekend.  So, to recap, you’ll get an issue on Friday, Saturday, and then Tuesday.  Got it?  Good.  I just don’t want you guys to think I’ve fallen off the earth or got swallowed up by our protest on Saturday.  Heck, I won’t even be there.  I’ll be out on the base teaching class and celebrating the retirement of my group commander.  Although I’d LOVE to be there, just to see what’s going on.  But I know I’d just be in the way.  You know, it’s tough to ignore a big blue dragon, hanging out on a street corner … you tend to be the center of attention.  Even in my smaller, human sized form, I still tend to stand out.  And if I go in my strictly human form, as an old white guy, I’d still stand out at a black lives matter protest, so yeah, I’ll stay away. 

And speaking of such things, I was happy to hear that they charged the other three cops and upgraded the original cop to murder two.  I don’t know if it will stick or what the final outcome will be, but it needed to happen. 

But, I will tell you something that did piss me off.  Drew Brees stood up and said that he will NEVER kneel during the playing of the National Anthem.  And he got attacked by other sports figures across the nation.  Drew Brees said, “I will never agree with anybody disrespecting the flag of the United States of America or our country.” and I agree with him.  And I guess that many other sports figures said he was wrong and point to this whole thing with George Floyd as proof that what was going on with the kneeling was right.  And like I tried to explain to Izzy Dragon the other night, everyone has the right to protest.  And if those players wanted to take time out and go out on the field and kneel at any other time of the game then I would back them 100%.  But not EVER during the playing of the National Anthem.  Too many men and women died for those colors and for that song so that we could live free in these United States today.  So that you could have the freedom to protest whatever you want, today.  Too many of my friends have died for that flag.  You don’t EVER do anything but stand and show respect during the playing of that song.  You can protest ANY other time.  OUR country as a nation always comes first.    And I am really not being as eloquent as I normally am, but it pissed me off when I saw how many other notable sports figures jumped Drew Brees’ ass over this.  And I just wanted to say that, Drew – Impish Dragon has your back!  NEVER, EVER during the playing of the National Anthem!

And now, let’s laugh.

Yup, looks like a mind is slowly going over the edge … kinda corny really.

Got this email from Steve in Prescott, AZ.  Thanks for sharing Steve!!! 

The Protest in Prescott was very peaceful the past two nights. It may have something to do with the open carry law here in Yavapai County. Here is the commentary.

And the protesters were outnumbered 3-1 by concerned citizens

 

Thank You to Citizens support our police and downtown businesses. Last night a group of citizens decided enough is enough and wanted to support our police and downtown businesses in case rioting broke out during the Courthouse Square protest for the memory of George Floyd. While none of us condone the use of excessive force in making arrests or the behavior of rogue officers, we also cannot allow Anarchy and rioting to come to Prescott. This group of citizens staged to protect Whiskey Row when we had heard that Antifa was on their way from Verde to Prescott to cause problems. Downtown business owners were encouraged to close early.

 

That works for me!  Happy cheerful looking bunch, too.  Looks like the kind of folks who are gonna battle the world’s bullshit with laughter (or gunfire, either/or).  No seriously, I’ll bet these folks watched happily as those protestors marched up and down the Courthouse Square and it was one of the most peaceful demonstrations across the country. 

That’s the kind of story that we’re looking for … well … we’re looking for all kinds of stories, but you know what I mean.  Anybody else got anything from their ends of the world?

I guess I haven’t put it out for a few day, but you can always reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com. 

Thanks again, Steve!

Buddha:  Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Me taking notes:  Buddha says to make sure you give the poison to the OTHER guy

I can’t take credit for this next idea … it’s from Leah … and I’m not sure if she’s just sending it along or if it’s hers, but it’s a pretty good one.

Wanna stop the Riots?

Mobilize the septic tank trucks, put a pressure cannon on em… hose em down…. the end.

I’m pretty sure that would do it.

 

 

If this would work ….

Due to COVID-19, we’re gonna need people to riot from home and destroy your own shit.

If I ever go missing, please follow my kids.  They can find me, no matter where I try to hide.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ann Arbor, Michigan where 18 year old bozo Randy Hogan stole a car containing a cellular phone. When the police arrived to investigate, a female officer asked for the phone number. She dialed it, and sure enough the bozo answered. The officer pretended to be a lonely acquaintance of the phone’s owner and before the bozo knew what was going on, he was arranging to meet his mystery caller for a date. Not only did the bozo show up at the appointed location ready for the date, he showed up in the stolen car, carrying the stolen phone. His next date is with the judge.

Okay, there’s a special kind of stupid for you.

That is an awesome question and an a great way to hold companies accountable.  It would be awesome if they knew NOW that we were going to hold them accountable THEN!

Okay, let’s do another one, real quick …

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chattanooga, Tennessee where bozo Clint Wolford was only a month away from being released from jail. Now, he’s looking at at least another four years in the slammer. Why? The bozo was supposed to be in a work release program, where he held down a job during the day and returned to jail at night. Only instead of working, he was leaving jail and heading to the golf course. He was caught when his judge ran into him on the course.

Haven’t we all been where we weren’t supposed to be or with someone we weren’t supposed to be with and worried about being caught?  But this is just a little over the top!

Yup, that’d be the one.

Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark.

Let’s do some mail…

We’ll start off with two of my favorite people in the whole world…all wrapped up into one.  A Jersey girl who’s also a nurse!

Marsha M

We Jersey girls do not wait to be picked up. We wait for someone worthy of our time! Oh that is often a long wait…cant live with momma…must have a FULL time job…own a car that runs…..see we often wait usually the 2 or 3 out there are in the service or already married.

It’s a real problem.  There ain’t many of us good ones out there. Sorry ladies.

Don G

Like you I once took an oath, and it pisses me off that a few asshats are taking advantage of peaceful protests to loot and cause chaos.. I’m not sure that military force is necessary but something needs to be done to rein in those miscreants.

I agree Donnie G.  I’m not sure what the right answer is, but I know we haven’t found it yet or this would all be over.  My wife and family will be home while I’m at work for this weekend’s protest … all I can say is that they don’t want to feel the wrath of the dragon should anything untoward happen to my family while I’m gone.

Leah D.

As far as I know, no one has announced an end to this protesting. I get the feeling it will go on through the week, and the weekend? I’m just hoping it isn’t slated to end with a huge Fireworks display!
I believe the reason the protests have remained calm in Salt Lake City, is because of the Extreme Show of Force (it was exhilarating!) the first day when they burned two cars. They have already identified and arrested, one of the punks that lit up the cop car.
They opened the State Parks, which is responsible for the South West corner of Utah ending up a Covid Hotspot. Our numbers began climbing then, and since Memorial Day, have continued going up. Meanwhile, they started moving most everyone to Orange, and now practically all of the State is Yellow, and the numbers kept climbing. Then the protests . . .
Everyone “out there” is telling me virtually no one is wearing Masks, practicing Social Distancing. I hear Walmart is no where as busy as they were before the let the Re-Opening begin. Obviously, people were using it as a Source of Entertainment, a way to get out of the house.
I think my husband and I, along with others, will be in Isolation, forever. July brings the 4th, and the 24th, which is our State Holiday, and more Hotspots, then IF they open the schools (which starts the end of August in Utah), Covid will attend, then Fall, and the regular Flu Season (starts in Utah as soon as the ski resorts open) . . . . see what I mean?
I had an appointment with my doctor, which was a phone call. He said he had the virus early in March . . . a patient gave it to him. He is staying isolated, since they still don’t know if having it gives you immunity.
My brother’s “Celebration of His Life” is Saturday, and none of his siblings will be there. My other brother was with him when he died, but his doctor told him not to go this Saturday. He lives in a County that has stayed clean.
My doctor brought up depression. I’m not Depressed, I am Angry! and I can’t even start a riot!

Leah, I’m going to go ahead and assume that the Fireworks comment was sarcastic.  And yes, some of the protests across the country have been awesomely peaceful, as they should be.  As Americans, that’s the way we should protest.

Always good to hear from you.  Be safe and be careful on Saturday at your brother’s service.  Our prayers and best wishes are with you and your family.

This next is an awesome comparison photograph … thanks to Stephanie for sending it in.  THIS is what we should be celebrating right now!!!

The differences are truly amazing!!

That works for me…and that is it for me for today.  That concludes another issue.  I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing.  May your day be filled with joy and happiness.  Until we meet again.

Cheers! ~~ Impish Dragon