Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

It’s Friday!  Yay!!!!!!  Not that that really means anything.  I’ll probably be working part of the day tomorrow and you’ll actually be reading this tomorrow, the days begin to blend themselves together, it’s all sliding towards Monday and the weekend is over and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn!  That’s how it happens.  That fast.  Just like that!

Sheesh!  I need more coffee.  This day is already starting out way too surreal.   And speaking of surreal.  I go to Google to get a fast clipart of a small coffee cup to throw up here with my last statement and find the EXACT coffee cup that I am currently drinking out of.  Same color and everything.  Wow!  How weird is that.  I mean, mine is a bit more beat up than that one, but still … it’s gonna be one of those days……………. okay, so maybe I’m reaching here just a little, but work with me here folks!  No?  Okay, then let’s laugh!

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.  He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.  

The blonde looked at Jack and said,  “Do you think he’ll jump?” 

Jack says, “You know what, I bet he will.”  The blonde replied, “Well, I bet he won’t.”  Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, “You’re on!”  

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.  The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, “Fair’s fair… Here’s your money.” 

Jack replied, “I can’t take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o’clock news and knew he would jump.”  

The blonde replies, “I did too;  but I didn’t think he’d do it again.”

Jack took the money.

And speaking of blondes…

Two idiots built a spaceship and were proud when it was completed.

Idiot 1 said; “Now that we are all done, where should we go in our new ship?”

Idiot 2 said; “We’ll fly it to the sun. Nobody has ever done that and we can be the first!”

Then Idiot 1 said; “But if we try to fly to the sun we will burn up long before we get there because the sun is so hot.”

Idiot 2 answered; “You really are an idiot. We’ll be perfectly safe because we’ll be going there at night!”

Okay, so yes, they were old ones, but like Tom (the camper who sent them to me) said, there are probably some younger readers who haven’t heard them yet.

I’m telling you, this kid would be an absolute menace to be home with right now!  I can’t possibly even imagine!

Zogwarg Queen, indeed!

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts the other day, Bob and Sheri and they asked the question, “While I have been on home isolation, I have eaten an entire _____” and some of the answers were absolutely hilarious!  Some of them were to be expected, you know, an entire bag of chocolate chip cookies, a whole bag of marshmallows, but some of them were really great!  So, here it is for you, gentle campers, what have you eaten an entire ____ of while being socially distant?  For this Impish Dragon?  I’d say an entire village, but that is really nothing out of the ordinary for me.  But, if you are looking for something entertaining to listen to while locked away in your cave, check out Bob and Sheri on your favorite podcast device or at https://bobandsheri.com/ and you will be nicely surprised.

Especially if you have a fever, headache, and a dry cough.

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening.
Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.
As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, “Don’t despair. – Sister Barbara,” on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man’s attention and tossed it out the window to him.
The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting.  Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

“What’s this?” she asked.
“That’s the $8,000 you have coming Sister,” he replied. “Don’t Despair paid 80-to-1.”

Quarantine has turned us all into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told ‘no’ if we get too close to strangers.
And we get really excited about car rides.

When we come out of this, and I ask you where you want to eat. I do not want to hear, “I don’t know.” YOU HAD 45 DAYS!

And speaking a little more about blondes…

Okay, I can keep throwing cartoons and jokes at you guys inbetween answering emails and the phone for work, but let’s get to the mail real quick.  Not many today, so it should be easy.

Bruce C

Hi I am here in Kalamazoo Michigan, we only go out for groceries and doctor appointments. Every. Thing is shut down here it Is strange to see so little traffic on the roads but then we have to do what we can to stay safe. But I do miss dining out.

Hi ya Bruce from Kalamazoo!  You’re close to me…well, relatively speaking anyway.  A hell of a lot closer than Peter from Deception Bay!  And with a cool place name, too!  Kalamazoo!  About 157 miles!  You’ve been added to the map, brother!  Yup, we miss going out to eat around here, too.  There is this great little diner called Gabriels in town that just serves breakfast and lunch, but they do it right!

Stay safe, stay home, and stay well,  Bruce and thanks for writing to us!

Brenda C

Hello from thickets state where we are all hunkered down…and enjoying the laughs…we are quarantined for another month…keep on the most social life we have is mowing the lawn and talking to the dog..keep up the funnies…me and me Riley ( the dog) love laughing..breaks up our dreary mundane day

I’ll be honest Brenda, I tried to figure out where the thickets state was and I got three guesses based on Google.  Wisconsin, Michigan, and Texas… from most likely to least likely.  There was also one reference for Wyoming, but I don’t think so.  Inquiring minds want to know, lol.

Glad you and Riley are enjoying what we are laying down here and glad you are all hunkered down and safe.  Keep it that way, even if it is mundane and dreary otherwise.  Be still, be home, be safe.

And just as I was getting ready to move on, this came in from our dear friend …

Leah D

Another Excellent Issue! Oh I need the quarantine size beer for my husband!
He is extremely afraid of the virus.He has dementia, and obsessing is one result. My guess is it is his way to not forget. He wants to do what ever chore I ask of him, RIGHT NOW, because if he doesn’t, he will forget.
That need, overrides, contradicts, his fear. So all the talking and agreeing about staying isolated, goes out the window. He sees he is low on something, he wants to run to the store. Once I solve the situation, it’s like I lifted the arm off the phonograph record, and he isn’t stuck in the repeating mode anymore.
Thankfully, my two sons, who do have to work, but outside, are going shopping this weekend, and they will buy beer for him. They are scared of the virus, wish their boss would lay them off. Their job is not a necessary one, but only 9 guys work, so they fall below the 10 rule. They said this is their last shopping trip, then they will isolate as much as they can with having to still work. Their company has no insurance plan, so if they get sick with the virus, the hospital costs would take years for them to pay off. Meanwhile, the company is getting a big dollar bonus from the government, because they are still working.
My three men: How is it that which gives us such great joy in our life, also gives us the greatest misery?

Leah, probably not misery, but fear.  And fear can be dealt with.  One of the greatest quotes I ever read, from one of the greatest authors, in one of the greatest books (okay, so how’s THAT for a lead up) is from Frank Herbert in his book Dune and it goes like this: “I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain.”  And I admit, I looked it up on line to make sure I had it right.  But, it is a lesson I tried to learn a long time ago and it has stood me well over the years in all the different, sometimes exciting (<-sarcasm font) jobs and situations that I’ve had and found myself in. 

The person who can remain calm in the face of danger and adversity and (in this case) stress is the one who will end up being successful and able to help and assist others.  Let your fear pass over and through you and turn and see its path and be the pillar of strength still standing when it’s gone and you will be able to do what is necessary to support your family.

How very Zen and that is the end of the psychology 101 lesson for today. 

Not my first thought, but okay.

Yup!  I’ve been there.  Just about every morning.

See!  Told ya!

Yes you are.

More proof.

And that dear friends is the end of today’s episode.  I hope you enjoyed it.  I’m going to go out now and mow the lawn since we’ve got rain expected for Saturday.  Remember, you can reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com or by leaving comments on the website.  Let’s check stars before we go, shall we?
Tuesday 16
Wednesday 18
Thursday 20
Friday 14
So, Thursday is our best …. so far, we still have time to beat it, but 20 votes is better than we’ve been.  Thanks for all you’ve done for me, keeping me motivated and happy and you guys stay home and stay safe until we meet again.  Love to you all!

Cheers!  Impish Dragon!

Good Morning Campers,

It’s THURSDAY!  Thirsty Thursday!  Well, right now that means coffee, but later…who knows!  Took me quite a bit to get online this morning.  Too many people teleworking!  I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better.  But, this could be good.  Let’s beef up this infrastructure.  Make it more robust and stronger.  Then we’ll be ready next time we need it.  And let’s not let it go to hell afterward. 

Just like we don’t let all our manufacturing go overseas, just to save a buck.  Now all our medication is made in China and we can’t get any…how the hell is that working out for us now!?  What the hell ever happened to the pride in being made in the USA? Boy, we sure are paying for that now!

Unemployment is sky high, which, I know, is to be expected, but we could have taken an edge off of that if we had kept some of that manufacturing here in the states.  We are idiots.

Anyway, let’s get to the laughter, shall we?  I think we need it on this thirsty Thursday.  I need to take my Izzy Dragon to the hospital today for a routine (?!) blood draw today, if there is such a thing anymore, and I’m scared to death to do so.  We had a telephone conference with her doctor on the phone, like a facetime call, yesterday and she said it should be safe … that we could wait a few weeks if we want to, but the hospital that we are going to does not currently have any COVID patients so I am opting for sooner rather than later.  I called them and got the protocols.  I am tempted to stop by work and get her and I a couple of gas masks from work, but figured that would scare the hell out of the civilians and liable to get us both arrested, but I will scope out the situation first and if I don’t like what I see, I will drive right on by.  I will give you guys an update later.

But before we get started, here’s an urgent update from the CDC:

Well, I don’t know if I would want to set up the damn tree…that’s always been a real pain in the ass to me, although I love it being up, but the rest of it?  Heck yeah!

The man makes a point….

The woman makes a couple of points of her own…

(okay, come on!  It was so easy!)

Well, damn!  I just went and looked and found out that yesterday’s … Wednesday’s post didn’t post.  I just had to do it manually!  Not sure if I didn’t set it up right or it failed or what happened.  Surprise!

Oh well.  It went out before noon. lol.

Damn!

So, I took the Izzy Dragon to the hospital for her blood draw.  The parking lot on the clinical side of the hospital was pretty barren which was comforting, so we chanced going in.  Right inside the front door was two nurses at a desk with PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) on and they asked us questions about who was the patient and I thought they wouldn’t let me go with her at that point and was ready to explain about her anxiety, but they were cool.  They also asked if we had any symptoms and where we were going, etc.  Then they took her temp orally (97.6) and mine with a forehead scanner (almost 100!!!!)  I said WAIT!!  It had to be because I had been wearing a ball cap.  You can take mine orally as well!

98.4

Whew!  That made me feel better!

They took it all in stride and were very professional.

There was almost nobody in the lobby area.  We checked in.  Almost nobody in the check in area.  They sent us over to the lab waiting area.  One other person in the lab waiting area and they got called into the lab when we sat down. 

About 5 minutes later Izzy got called.  I asked the lady if I could go back with her for “moral” support.  She said, “I remember you.  Yeah, Dad better come along.”  And she let me come back with Izzy.  The blood draw took less than a minute, and we were out of there.  It was all done very professionally and correctly.  I stopped at the nurses station on the way out the door and thanked them for what they were doing.  They seemed very appreciative of that, like they hadn’t heard that before.  Which actually kind of surprises me. 

Anyway, it worked out really well.  Now we wait for the results. 

Let’s look at the mail:

Our first one is from Peter down under in Deception Bay (SUCH a cool name!)

We are doing  O.K.  here Down Under, quite severe restrictions of course.

This is usually paradise if you ever get a chance come and visit. 

When the cursed virus is just a memory.  Regards,   Peter.

Now THAT sounds like an invitation to me!!!!  I’m thinking the after the virus party needs to be in Deception Bay!!!!

But seriously, glad you guys are doing okay.  Stay safe brother!

Don G

Another great issue, thank you for the work you do here keeping us laughing. I am just outside of Eatonville,Wa which is south of Tacoma. I drive a Special Education school bus and miss my kids greatly during this time. I do get to see my grandson periodically, which is a true joy.

Thanks Don…and your name is added to the map!  I’m glad you’re enjoying what I’m putting out and driving a school bus is a big deal.  Believe it or not, I know a LOT of school bus drivers and everyone of them, to a T is a good and loving individual and everyone of them is missing their kids.  Oh, they’ll tease and say that they’re glad they’re rid of the little monsters, but they’re their little monsters and they miss them something awful.  Love to you and to the job that you do, brother!

And of course, our daily dose of Leah D….

Leah D.

My husband and I are in total isolation. we don’t allow anyone into our home.
Well, my friend has stage four lung cancer.. You’d think she would be quarantining, but she keeps going shopping at Walmart, etc. I told her she doesn’t need to worry about dying from cancer, she is going to die from the virus.
She has a test today that is going to last 2 1/2 hours. This test was scheduled a LONG time ago, and back then, I said I would take her.
Last night I told her I would take her, but would not go into the hospital with her. I did not want to even be around her, let alone others.
This morning she called them, then me, saying she would drive herself. She would have to stay at the hospital awhile after the test, but that was no big deal.

I was so relieved!

But feel so guilty . . . .

Ok, I admit it . . . The number of stars I give an issue depends on how many items I stole to post or send to someone. This is an Excellent!

Oh Leah, honey, don’t feel guilty!  Each and every one of us is only capable of doing what we are able to do.  Your friend sounds like she is quite able to fend for herself, going to Wal-Mart…damn…she sounds like a brave lady, sick or not!  You worry about taking care of YOURSELF and your husband.  And then when and if you can, you reach out to others.  Not before.  You listen to this wise and sage dragon!

And stars by how much stuff you steal?  !  ?  ! 

Well, okay, that sounds fair to me, I guess

That’s all the mail for today folks. 

Come on!  Don’t be shy.  Drop me a quick line!  Tell me where you live!  Tell me what you’re doing to get by!  Tell me how you’re faring.  Tell me a joke!  Send me a cartoon.  Just say hi!  impishdragon@gmail.com or just hit the comment button at the end.  It’s easy.

I leave your last name off as well as your email address.  Promise I won’t add you to any spam lists (wouldn’t know how to if I wanted to)

Now, on to more funny stuff.

Okay, that’s another one you younger campers aren’t going to get.  I know because I remember that song came out when I was in High School…yes, I’m that old.  Try looking up 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon

Mom, did you start knitting?

Yeah, in my house the first part is:
Accidentally stepped on my husband’s foot: “Get the fuck out of the way.”
Nah, I’m just kidding. Ow!  I said I was…Ow!…Kidding!  Ow!

Yup, we know that part of the Elemental Table very well around here.

Please, please, please don’t let me get started on that topic…

Let’s do some of these…

It is absolutely amazing to me… (continued under another Motivational Poster )

…how many of these Motivational …

… Posters feature …

… boobies …

… not that I’m complaining, mind you …

Not that one!

I am a male dragon, after all.
I guess that makes me a dirty old Male Dragon…
… I can live with that.

Hey!  I ran out of Coronavirus cartoons!  We’re back to the regular stuff!

Gonna go out on a limb here and say… I .. don’t .. think .. so ..

Always, always have a plan B…and a plan C…and in most cases a plan D.  Everyone knows that even the best plans never last past the first gun shot.

And speaking of plans, that’s all I have for today.  Time for me to call it a night.  Until we meet again tomorrow. 

Let’s hear from you guys.  But in the meantime, stay safe, stay home, wash your hands, stay calm!

My love to you all… oh wait!

Let’s check stars for Today!

Today, which was Wednesday’s post was 13 stars.
Tuesday’s episode is up to 18 stars.
Monday’s post which came out on Tuesday (damn, I’m getting confused is up to 16 stars)

Okay, so the record is 18 stars.  We can beat that!

Anyway… until we meet again, which should be tomorrow, if I can set this thing up to post correctly this time…

Cheers!

Impish Dragon!

Good Morning Campers,

Crap!  It’s April Fool’s Day!  Today!  But, you won’t get this till tomorrow!  Which means it will be over!  Damn!  I don’t imagine many of you are in THAT kind of a joking mood anyway, so….until next year then I guess.

Unless of course something occurs to me.

Hee, Hee, Hee.

Anyway, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. (As opposed to talking about the dragon in the room, then we’d be talking about me and we do that all the time)

President Trump announced yesterday that we could see between 100,000 and 240,000 deaths over the next few weeks.  And that is scary.  The CDC says that as many as a fourth of those who have the virus could be walking around spreading it and not showing any symptoms.  Please, please stay at home and stay safe!  If nobody breathes on you, you can’t get the virus.  Now, I know you can’t completely lock yourself away, some of you still have to go out there and work and most of you still have to go out there and get groceries and stuff, but it’s also a percentage thing.  Limit your exposure.  The less you are out the less chance you have of catching this thing.  The further you stay away from people the less chance you have of catching it.  And the more often you wash your hands, the more often you have of killing something you may have accidentally caught.

That’s the long and the short of it.

So ………… for those of us who have been:

Yeah, it’s an exciting time we live in! 

I want to take a moment, to thank William E. for the very generous donation to DragonLaffs!  Thank you!  It is deeply appreciated!  You have brought tears to my eyes.  It will be well needed.  Thank you!

Yup, that was an oldie, adapted from a previous emergency…but it’s still funny!

Just imagine what happens when the internet goes out…oh, never mind.  I witnessed that for a short time over the weekend…and it was ugly!  That’s ugly with a capital UG!

Another crazy day at work and it’s still early!  But, man…if nothing else, it’s exciting.  Getting all kinds of phone calls and text messages and emails … great fun!

Yes…for those of you just tuning in, my idea of fun is a bit skewed.

How about some mail?

Really like that gif for mail. LOL!

Here’s one from mom!  Seems like this is the way we’re going to keep in touch, so you guys get to share, I guess.

Diaman M

Good one…hope all is well with you. I’m doing good.

Mom

Thanks Mom!  Love hearing from you, and yup, I’m doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.  We are all healthy and safe and that is the BEST that we can be.  Love you lots!

SMSgt Chuck G

I’m North of a little town called Albany which is North of New Orleans. We’re on 12 1/2 acres and surrounded on three sides by paper mill land. We’re the last house on the road so if you show up in our drive you’re one of three things; intentionally there to see us, woefully lost, or up to no damm good. That being said, I also have my own shooting range just across from the end of my driveway.

Okay, thanks Chuck!  So, there you have it.  If you show up at Chuck’s house and you don’t want to be part of his shooting range, you better be there to visit or be hopelessly lost! 

And, our daily letter from Leah D.

Leah D.

Our neighbors in Idaho apparently got jealous, and held their own earthquake.
I keep watch on what is happening in Yellowstone . . . can you imagine if it went off now?
After close to 700 aftershocks in our area quit, I find I am missing that vibrating of my chair!

Yeah, I’ve been getting messages over my super secret Emergency Manager underground network and they’ve been telling me that Idaho has been getting rocked lately.  Any Idaho readers out there?  You guys doing okay?

Trish G

I’m in South Carolina about 5 miles from Augusta Ga. I love your stuff. Learned the hard way not to drink anything while reading it. LOL Stay Safe and Thank you for your service.

Yup, drinking while reading DragonLaffs can be dangerous, as many have found out.  Thanks for your very kind words Trish!

Donald G

Just leaving a quick note of appreciation for what you do, ID. I’m sad that you have to work extra hard during this challenging time, but happy that I get extra issues of your great e-zine. (True confession time–I often steal stuff to post to my FB page).

I’m just an old retired fart living just outside of Rochester, NY and I try to find humor in everything. It’s easy with your posts.

Donnie

Thanks Donnie!  Yeah, but you know what?  It’s a damn good thing I love my job!  Both of them.  The one I do for the Government and the one I do here.  And it’s fine that you steal stuff for your Facebook page, cause I’m relatively sure that everything that I post is stolen from somewhere else.  As a matter of fact, I’ll go out on a limb here and say that unless it’s written in blue, it’s someone else’s.  LOL! 

And I’ll tell all you guys something else.  Everyone who writes to me and tells me where you live, I’ve gotten ahold of a map and I’m putting a dot and a name on it and as it fills up at some point in time I’ll publish it so you all can see it!

My personal Wi-Fi has been going in and out all day, which is awful nice.  Makes it super easy to get work done.  I had an hour long teleconference that I have to make notes on and Mrs. Dragon is making some of her homemade chili which is filling the house up with this great smell, so I’m just full of distractions this afternoon!!

Maggie

Impish,sir,
I regret that you must be quarantined, but love having the extra issues. I am retired and live in New Jersey.I hope that you and your family stay safe and well.
Maggie

Hey Jersey Girl!  (You know, there ain’t nuthin’ better than a Jersey Girl!) I’m not really quarantined … I’m teleworking … the difference being that on quarantine you HAVE to stay at home and work and on teleworking you GET to stay at home and work but you can leave if you want to.  This is social distancing taken to it’s proper extreme.  Everyone who CAN telework SHOULD telework.  I just took my office from work and set it up at home.  It looks like this:
I think I showed it to you guys on the first day.  Now, I’ve added a couple of things to it since then, but basically… that’s it.  If they need me to come to work for whatever reason, I can be there in 15 minutes instead of 5. 

And yup, we are all safe and well, thanks for askin’.

No kidding!

And here’s another one for you:

Isn’t it weird that people living from paycheck to paycheck are expected to have months worth of savings for emergencies while billion dollar corporations are so poorly managed they’re on the brink of bankruptcy after a week of reduced profits?

Everyone please be careful tonight, there is a DUI checkpoint on the corner of hallway and kitchen …
Be Safe!

Nothing should go back to normal.

Normal wasn’t working.

If we go back to the way things were we will have lost the lesson.

May we rise up and do better!

Amen!  Surely there is something you know that your kids don’t know.  There is some skill you have that your kids don’t have.  I know some of you may have to think hard on this one.  I know you’re going to have to bypass a couple of those skillsets that you have, like being able to shotgun a beer, and drink more tequila shots than anyone else you know, but other than those skills, there’s got to be something!

Okay my friends, just got a tweet from President Trump that says “Iran or its proxies are planning a sneak attack on US troops or assets in Iraq” and he says that, Iran “will pay a very heavy price.” So, I guess I got some more work to do tonight.  LOL!  I’m sure a lot of you have already seen this on the news or other sources since you are reading this tomorrow.  It ought to be an interesting evening.

And with that, I’m outta here for another day. 

Please remember to give me some stars…. oh wait, let’s look and see how many there are today…there were … what?  13 yesterday if I remember correctly, today there are…15!  And I went and checked yesterday and now there are 16!  Wow!  But there are almost 500 of you readers out there!  Surely some of you aren’t trying!

Okay, I’m not going to SHAME you into giving me stars….

And remember, you can send me jokes and cartoons at impishdragon@gmail.com I shamelessly plagiarize stuff, so no worries.  You can leave a comment by clicking on the comment thingy at the end, and you can send a donation like William E did and get thanked profusely! (Damn! That was so unexpected and so GREAT!  Thank you so much!)  Anyway, that’s it for today…until we meet again, we remain…..

and remember to …

Cheers!

Impish Dragon!

Good Morning Campers,

It’s Day 7 of my teleworking and it’s getting easier to do this job from the comfort of my dining room.  I haven’t shaved since this whole thing started.  I decided to grow a teleworking beard.  Yeah.  It’s not a great look for me.  I look more like a gray porcupine.  And it itches!!!!!  I think I’ll give it another week, but … I don’t know.

Busy, bad day yesterday.  We had our first military death from the Coronavirus yesterday.  A New Jersey National Guardsman passed away.  Captain Douglas Linn Hickok, a drilling guardsman and physician’s assistant.  He deserves our praise and thanks.  God Bless you and your family, sir.

It’s already been a busy morning with emails and phone calls and I haven’t even finished my first cup of coffee.  Don’t these people realize I can’t get ANYTHING done without being properly caffeinated!  This could be disastrous!  These people have no idea what they are messing with!  Oh, by the way, the coffee cup to the left is the caffeine molecule and yes, I’m just nerdy enough to own that coffee cup.  LOL!

So, anyway, perhaps it is time to get some laughs in, since it seems it’s going to be one of those days… so without further ado, let’s laugh!

        

Looks like decent parenting to me.  Wow, it’s already late into the afternoon and I’ve been so busy I’ve gotten like nothing done on dragonlaffs today!  What the heck!  Looks like I may be working late into the evening to let you guys know what’s been going on!  Not only that, but I’m still a little behind in my real work…but, the day still has some daylight left, Izzy Dragon is upstairs laughing at something, which really kind of bothers me, I swear she is plotting the takeover of something, and Mrs. Dragon is in the living room watching her murder mystery shows, which really ought to bother me, too.  I think she may be plotting something, too.  Just sayin’

Oh, how sweet!  He went to Jareds!

That’s ME!  I want to be “Exiled for the good of the realm!”

Here’s one from Scott H.  and I have to say, that I clicked on the link and it’s a great one!

Scott H

My wife laughed out loud at “teachers not the problem”. Keep up the good work.
For your listening pleasure a little fun with “Quarantine” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3xpRZITi2w

Thanks Scott!  And thanks for writing, thanks for reading and thanks for the great link!  Glad you’re enjoying the show!

Peter

Love Dragon Laffs !!!!! I’m in Deception Bay, a small village just north of Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. Keep the laffs coming. Regards, Peter.

Thanks Peter!  A reader from down under!  Wow!  That’s awesome, brother!  So glad you are enjoying what I’m sending out.  Tell me, what’s it like down there?  According to the trusty John Hopkins Map, you have over 4500 cases, but only 18 deaths.  You guys are doing really well.  Today, in Indiana alone, we have 2159 cases and 49 deaths.

How about readers from other places around the world?  There we have Deception Bay, Queensland, Australia!  Cool name, by the way!  Anybody else from anywhere else?  I’ve already said I’m from NJ originally and in Indiana currently.  We know that Leah is in Utah and Buddy Tom is in Oregon.  Stephanie I know is down south near New Orleans, Dear Diaman, my adopted mom is now in Connecticut although she is mostly from California, but originally from Mass. 

So, how about the rest of you?

And it wouldn’t be a day without a comment from our dear Leah

Leah D

From you: “My heart is hurting and my emotions are raw,”
Sounds to me, very much like what the medical respondents are saying.
I have a feeling, whereas they are able to tell of the horrors, you aren’t.
That would make for a terrible burden.
So sorry you have to carry such a heavy load.

Oh no my dear Leah!  You and all the others make my burden light!  Yes, I have burdens to carry, as do we all, but our burdens get lighter when they are shared amongst others.  And that is what we are doing here.  Sharing burdens.  Helping each other.  Supporting each other and getting us all through the dark and lonely night.  We will all be there for each other. 

And smile.

And share.

And laugh!

And fuck that Coronavirus!

 

So…. not as much of me as in days past, but that’s how it goes some days.  I had a very busy day today with even a trip out to the base thrown in.  Maybe tomorrow will be easier, maybe it will be harder, but it will definitely be tomorrow.  And I will be here to share it with you.

I can’t wait to hear from you.  You can reach me at impishdragon@gmail.com or by leaving a comment here on the blog.  How about being a pal and leaving a star for me.  Today we got 13.  Let’s try and beat that for tomorrow.

Cheers my dear friends.  My love is with you until tomorrow.

Impish Dragon 

Good Morning Campers,

Well, so much for an ezine for you on Monday.  We were hit by a few storms, but mostly wind!  High winds, gusts over 60 mph which included several hours of power outages and then close to 8 hours of no internet…thankfully, I still had my books…and since I read on my tablet, I didn’t even need a light to read.

Sadly, Mrs. Dragon and Izzy Dragon didn’t fare as well. 
“The lights are out, there’s not TV”
”The internet is out, I can’t play my games”

Sigh…

On the plus side, here in Indiana, our cases of COVID-19 did not reach my estimated growth yesterday, I’m hoping it won’t meet it again today which may mean we are slowing down, or it may mean that my amateur scientific estimations are just off.  On the negative side, I’ve already gotten a few inquiries as to what the government did to us while the power was mysteriously off yesterday.  The power was not mysteriously off yesterday, it was off due to the friggin’ WEATHER!!!  Are you people nuts?!  Okay, so count that as a rhetorical question.

I received a really good essay forwarded by waymore6 that I am going to paraphrase here:

It’s a big eye opener, all of this, isn’t it?
We are finally realizing money has no value.
Your amazing job is no longer an amazing job, your expensive clothes no have no worth, and no one cares how you look anymore.
Your big house is just four empty walls like everyone else’s.
Your nice car is running on four tires, the same as everyone else’s.
We are finally seeing who the important people are, the ones who make a difference to our lives and are doing the crucial jobs we need:
Shop workers
Medical workers
Emergency services
Farmers
Teachers
Truck drivers
Delivery people
Cleaners
Refuse workers
Police
Firemen
You can probably think of more to add to the list.  These are the people who keep our country ticking over, the core of our daily lives, the people who regularly go unnoticed and are often frowned upon but keep working hard, generally on a low income.
I’m proud of all these people, they don’t earn enough for what they do, and they’re never appreciated for what they contribute.
Be kind to them, thank them, go out of your way to them them what an amazing job they’re doing.  Can you imagine how much worse this would be without them?

Thanks for sharing that Waymore, I couldn’t have said it better myself!

If you went out of your way to thank someone for what they are doing, then thank you!  If all of us go that little extra step, think of what a nicer place it would be.  And maybe, if we get used to going that little extra step, it will carry over to when this is done and we will continue to have a much nicer world to live in.  You may have to run out to the shop and only spend a minute or two running in to grab a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread to limit your exposure, but what about that cashier, who’s there for an entire shift, exposing themselves to everyone so that you can run in for that minute?  Don’t they deserve your thanks?  Is it going to take that much out of you to say thanks for being there?  Personally, I think they deserve hazardous duty pay!

Okay, so enough of me jabbering, let’s laugh for a little bit…

And there it is!  Be the dude!

Those were some REALLY GOOD mushrooms!

Oh my… can you imagine!  A new household pet! 

From our buddy Tom in Oregon:

Hi Mr. Dragon; Hope you are still doing well over on the on the other side of the country. Here, in Oregon it isn’t as bad as it is in a lot of places. The last report I saw said there were 414 cases and a total of 13 deaths from the virus. Thirteen doesn’t seem so bad when more than that get shot and die about every other day in Portland. Of course I am just a little red speck in a sea of liberal blue. The media is making it sound like we all be dead very soon. I’m not in Portland and only go there if I really need to. We live in a rural area south of the capital and feel good about it. My daughter is a health care worker and is doing fine with all the problems. She seems to do good under the pressure.

Tom

Hi Tom,

Blessings to your daughter!  May she stay safe and healthy!  The numbers here in Indiana are rising although not as bad as some of the other places in the country.  As of today, we have 1786 cases and 35 deaths in the state.  In my county we now have 3 cases, which has tripled since yesterday, when we only had one.  That sounds like a lot until you think that Indiana has a population of a little of 6.7 million people.  So, on the one hand, that’s still way too many people with the virus, but on the other hand, I think we’re doing a good job of keeping down the spread…or maybe I’m just delusional.  One of the other.

Yes, I do agree that the media is sensationalizing it quite a bit, but on the other hand, I think in some ways that may be a good thing.  Because for some of these lemmings, if we don’t scare the crap out of them, they won’t do what they are supposed to do.

Be well and stay safe.

 

Got these from my brother, the Owl yesterday, but I told him how horrible they were…but you know, when you are desperate for something to add to the ezine, you take what you can get, so…thanks Owl!  I also got them from some others, but the Owl sent them first.

Here’s an email from Joe S.  This one bothers me a little for … well … you read it and decide for yourself!

so glad you are letting us into a little part of your life!!  i really look forward to your updates and appreciate the info you give us on covid 19.  

testicle festivals…yes they are a big thing!   am surprised you did not know about them.  i have never went up to the one in ashland ne.  i only live about an hour away from it.  i hear the crowd is ridiculous!!!  yes growing up we always had pork nuts from cutting the pigs.  i don’t raise hogs, but we still keep the beef nuts and they are sooo good to eat.  clean them, soak the blood out, roll in egg and milk mixture, then cracker crums,  and deep fat fry! mmmmmmm.  i have some in the freezer…mouth is watering just typing about it!!!  rocky mountain oysters is a more “proper” name?    idk   

things are pretty mild around here.  schools are all out.  kids and wife, a teacher, are at home.  college daughter is home.  we don’t go out a lot!  have had to make some trips to the grocery store.  have been building some fences.  keeping the kids busy outside as much as possible.  miss being able to visit my dad.  the nursing home he is in    has been closed to all visitors.  most of the cases in nebraska have been around omaha…about 2 hours north of me.  so far the missouri river is not flooding this year.  that would be a real insult to injury!!

hope you stay well!

always enjoy the ezine

joe

Joe, I’ve eaten a lot of … unusual things in my life, including fried squid on a stick from a street vendor in Spain, but eating another animal’s testicles, for some reason, just seems wrong to me.  Paint me into whatever unaccepting corner you wish, but … nah…. I’ll pass.

Blessings on your wife, teaching is a tough gig.  Is she doing any tele-teaching from home right now?  I’ll bet that is tougher on the teacher than it is on the kidlets.

Sorry to hear about not being able to visit your dad, but it’s probably for the best and will keep him safer. 

Thanks for writing, and keep it up.  Stay safe.

Impish

 

Just bumped into a mannequin and said, “sorry.” Then said, “Oh, I thought you were a person.” Then I realized I was still talking to a mannequin.

Okay, I have to warn you, this next one is rough.  But, maybe we need to hear it. Be prepared:

Make no mistake. When loved ones are removed from your home by ambulance because the virus has hit them hard, you are not going to be able to follow them there, sit by their hospital bed and hold their hand. You are not going to be able to pop in at 7.00 pm for visiting hours. They are going to have no one other than exhausted and brave hospital staff to see them through days or weeks of barely breathing through a ventilator until they either die or recover. They are not going to be well enough to text you.

You are not going to be able to phone the ward to check in on them regularly (staff will be too busy for that). During that time, they will be completely alone, while you sit at home waiting to hear whether they have made it through.

Imagine that person is someone you love dearly. Because it’s going to be a reality for many in the coming weeks.

And if that person in hospital happens to be you, going through that ordeal completely alone would be nothing less than terrifying.

Please stay home and only go out if absolutely necessary. Social distancing is imperative right now, for your family – and for mine.

It is the cold hard truth…and I don’t want that for anyone in my family…and you are ALL my family.

And speaking of Quentin Tarantino, we saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood over the weekend.  It came on HBO.  I wasn’t impressed.  I mean, it was okay and all, but it sure wasn’t the movie I expected.  Almost 3 hours of … okaaaaaayyyyyyy …. and then that was it.  I just didn’t get what all the hubbub was about, bub.

Oh Gawd!  Are we back to the Testicle Festival again!?

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, sorry!

Same Kroger?

My wife called me at work and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

Sounding concerned, I replied, “No…”

She responded, “How about now?”

My good buddy Paul sent me this and I want to share it here and now, because I JUST read it and it’s IMPORTANT!!!

Amen Paul, and thank you!

And I think that’s a really good note to end on today.  I got beat up really badly on phone calls and emails and people needing answers and having questions.  My heart is hurting and my emotions are raw, so I want to say thank you to all of you out there who have helped me by sending me your emails, sending me your comments, sending me your jokes and your funnies that I will share with the rest of you over the coming days.  I know I won’t get a chance to thank enough of you individually, but don’t let that make you think that I don’t appreciate each and every one of you who have taken the time out to send me something or write to me or to even just give me a star at the end of the issue.

Some of you are sending me A LOT and I deeply appreciate that.  Some of you are just giving me a smile, and I deeply appreciate that, too.  And, like Santa, I know when you smile, I can feel it in my heart.

Be well, be safe, stay home.

Love you all, until tomorrow.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon