Dragon Laffs

Good Weekend Glorious Campers,

Day #69 of our continued Exile.  There’s an infantile joke in there somewhere that I think I should try and make, but I’ll probably just let go, instead.  But, it’s Saturday for you guys and Friday for me and I want to start out by saying that I’m actually starting this on Thursday afternoon having just had my tooth extracted  … let’s see … about 4 hours ago.  And it may be the pain killers talking, but I feel SO much better.  Not great, by any stretch of the imagination, but not in so much pain that I’m considering cutting my own head off to ease the pain.  So, that’s a plus. 

I’m sitting here in my command center, waiting on a response to a work email that I HAD to send out, yes, even though I am on Sick Leave there are still things that HAVE to be done for work.  Anyway, I thought that while I’m sitting here I’d tell you guys about it while I’m waiting.

So, the took a full set of x-rays, and wasn’t that fun, manipulating my mouth 18 different times.  The ladies who did that were very nice, it wasn’t their fault that I was a difficult patient, but I was already set up for when I finally got to sit down to see the dentist, but no.  The hygienist came in first.  Now these ladies, I think are hired because of their sadistic tendencies.  I would not be surprised to find out that most of them moonlight as a dominatrix in their off hours. They have that little tool and give you that line, “we’re going to measure the depth around your teeth” crap and then start poking – really hard! – and spouting off numbers and then they talk to you like they are SO disappointed in you and that you have let them down so much.  And they are always wearing a mask, so all you can see is their eyes and their eyes are sexy as hell, but evil and you just know that you are going to have to do something really bad to make it up to them and get back into their good graces and that it’s going to hurt!

So THEN the dentist comes in and he starts poking around and looking at the x-rays and trying numb me up, which doesn’t work out as well as either one of us wants.  Me, because it still friggin’ hurts when he starts pulling on my lip to get it out of the way and him, because I screamed like a little girl and bit his finger.  So, yeah, neither of us were happy.  When he finally got me numb enough and cut my gum to get things started the (and this is gonna be a bit gross, so you might turn your head if you’re easily squeamish) infection was so bad that it actually squirted out of my gums.  He told his assistant to get the suction in there and then proceeded to milk my gums for the better part of two minutes.  (Okay, I’m making myself sick just talking about it…)  Then it took him all of about 15 seconds to actually pull the tooth and then more infection gushed out.

I know – GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!

So in the middle of June, I get to go back and have two more teeth pulled, a bunch of teeth filled, and then an upper and a lower partial denture made. 

Yup – I definitely let them go too long.  But I’ve had a bit of a busy – sucky couple of years lately, as you guys that have been around for a while know.  If friends and family would just stop fucking dying for a little while I’d be alright!  Dammit!

LOL!

But you gotta laugh.  That’s all I got left! 

So …. that was my morning.  How was yours?  So, right now, I’m going to go back to sitting on the couch and let this pain medicine wear off and see how I feel after that and maybe I’ll even get back to you guys a little bit more today – who knows?  But for now, thanks for being there for me.  You have no idea how much it means to me to know that you guys are there for me, as is evidenced by how many emails and messages and stuff that I’ve gotten wishing me well.

And if any of the above grossed you out or made you feel less of me —

Ah tough.

LOL!

Love you and let’s laugh!

The other day I yelled into a colander and strained my voice.

What should you do when you find out someone has 10,000 bees? 

SON:  What’s in that fancy beer mug on the mantel?

ME:  Well, that’s your uncle Frank.  That’s where he wanted his remains.  It was his favorite beer stein.  He always said it would be funny.  Never got why.

SON:  Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein?

ME:  That SON OF A BITCH!!

What prehistoric creature always got up very early?

The Crackadon

And this next joke in the form of a letter … or would it be that this next letter is in the form of a joke?  I’m not really sure, but I do know it’s from Bill and it’s …

Another “Not Quite Politically Correct” story:

This is a little known tale of how GOD came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments.  GOD first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

“What’s a commandment?” they asked.

“Well, it’s like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,” replied GOD.

The Egyptians thought about it and then said, “No way, that would ruin our weekends.”

So then GOD went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment.

They also asked, “What’s a commandment?”

“Well,” said GOD, “It’s like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.”

The Assyrians immediately replied, “No way. That would ruin our economy.”

So finally GOD went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment.

They asked, “How much?”

GOD said, “They’re free.”

The Jews said, “Great!………….. We’ll take TEN.”

Wishing you a quick recovery.

All the best.

Bill

Awww, thanks Bill.  And another Stereotype blasted.  We aren’t prejudiced here, nor are we politically correct, we pick on EVERYBODY!!!

Let’s see, I knew a couple…5 of them, to be exact.

Okay, is there anybody surprised that I feel like I really want to have one … just to set loose somewhere?

My neighbors listen to really good music … whether they like it or not.

Might sleep on the couch to cut down on my morning commute.

A trucker picks up a hitchhiker, and they are cruising along talking small talk. She says, “ I am getting sleepy.  Can I lay down in your sleeper?” He nods, and she goes in the back to lay down. 20 minutes later, he hears her calling him. He looks back and there she is, leaning against the back wall, legs wide open, wearing crotch-less underwear. “I bet you want some of this” she says. He says, “fuck no! Look what it did to your undies!”

Some angry guy with road rage just yelled out his window, “I’m going to make your life a living hell!”

I yelled back, “Thanks, but I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

This was sent in by H.M. and says it was in the paper …

Yup, I think a lot of us are very glad that liquor stores are essential.

So yeah, so it’s now Friday and I actually SLEPT!!!!!!  I still hurt a bit, but not at all like I did.  But I SLEPT.  Almost 8 hours uninterrupted!  More sleep in one spot then I did in the last 3 or 4 days put together!  Oh my lawdy, I feel like a new dragon!  My mouth is hurting and I feel like a million bucks, can you believe it!  LOL!  It’s such a shame so much shit is going on in the world right now, but I just gotta celebrate with my campers!

Thank you all for all your well wishes and love and prayers and stuff sent my way, I KNOW you made a big difference. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Only drinking for 3?  Amateurs!  Move over, let a REAL dragon in there!!!

(And anyone who really knows me is laughing like hell right now)

CORONA PRECAUTIONS

I went to the bathroom at a restaurant.  I washed my hands.  I opened the door with my elbow.  Raised the toilet eat with my foot.  I switched on the water faucet with a tissue.  Opened the bathroom door to leave with my elbow.  And when I returned to my table I realized … I forgot to pull up my pants!

And Leah tells this story of going to the bathroom …

Years ago, even the news carried the warning about how germy women’s purses are.  They pointed out how often women go to the restroom, with no place to sit or hang it, the purse is set on the bathroom floor.

I desperately needed to pee!  I had a long way to cover from where I was in the store, to where the restroom was.  But I took that extra second to set my purse in the bathroom sink, before I made it to the toilet seat just in time . . . to realize the faucets were automatic, and now my purse was filled with water!

Yes, it is a true story.

Ouch!

I went on a rollercoaster and the woman beside me wouldn’t stop screaming …

Seriously, it was like she’d never seen a penis before!

The Bozo criminals for today come from Key West, Florida, where three college students apparently left their brains back on campus. The three bozos, enjoying spring break activities, were desperate to smoke a joint, so they found some convenient bushes to hide in while they lit up. Turns out the bushes were up against the wall of the local police station. Right underneath the air intake for the air conditioning system. Several detectives were at their desks as the fumes began to drift thru the office. They went outside and found the bozos happily smoking away.

Okay, come on!  This one deserves it!  You gotta say it with me!

Thanks everybody, that was great!

Nope, not my list.  My list would definitely have different stuff on it.

The Internet:  If you don’t wear a mask, you don’t care about other people.

Me:  Yeah, I thought I’ve made that pretty clear.

The best thing about the good old days was that I wasn’t good and I wasn’t old.

Absolutely bloody brilliant!  All the way around the best payback EVER!

Sex Tip:

Put a little pepper on her pillow so when you put her face in it she sneezes and her coochie grips you like a gorilla fist.

I’m thinking it’s not going to work out well for all y’all.

A week ago, my Mother-in-Law began reading, “The Exorcist”.  She said it was the most evil book she had ever read.  So evil, in fact, she couldn’t finish it.  She took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier.

I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in the night table drawer by her bed.  I’m going to Hell.

I’ll put you in the trunk and help people look for you, don’t test me!

Okay, I haven’t done this for a while, but I think it’s time and worth it.  I’m so pissed off and I’m so disgusted … on both sides that I just have to say something.  So, we’re going to do this …

And I’m fucking well talking to you Minneapolis!  Now, I could sit here and rant and scream and yell, but I got this great email from Mrs. Dragon that she got from someone she knows and I’m not going to use his name because if you people want to be pissed off at someone you can fucking well be pissed off at me and I’ll meet you in the front yard and we can talk about it.  And before you get the wrong idea, I will tell you right up front that what those four fucking cops (they don’t even DESERVE to be called cops) did was WRONG!!  No ifs, No ands, No buts!  Even if he was resisting (which he wasn’t), even if he was out of control (which he wasn’t), once he was cuffed and on the ground, THERE IS NO REASON TO KNEEL ON SOMEONE’S NECK!  If you are trying to subdue someone … that’s another story.  When someone, in custody, tells you they can’t breath, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY!!!  He was handcuffed and there were four of you!  What the serious fuck?  Okay, enough of that.  You know my opinion.  They will be charged with murder and prosecuted.

(and as an aside – I just got a First Alert Flash that Former Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvin has been taken into custody)

But now Minneapolis … and by extension Denver and Louisville and all the rest of you FUCKING MORONS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

Okay …. I said I wasn’t going to rant … take a breath Impish … take another breath Impish … BUT … no take a drink Impish … Okay, here’s the email that Mrs. Dragon Sent me along with the pictures that were imbedded within.

 

Minneapolis you were given the world’s stage and had the world’s ear. EVERYONE was behind you and supported the protest and fight for justice.

• The public spoke out against those officers.

• Police officers all over the country spoke out against those officers.

• Elected Officials spoke out against those officers.

• ALL races and ethnicities spoke out against those officers.

• President Trump spoke out against those officers.

And you wasted it…. you wasted the perfect platform and opportunity to unite everyone together and coordinate a movement that would’ve gone down in the history books as a tipping point for reform. Everyone around the world was on your side and listening…

But you ruined it.

And one last thing from me, personally to Colin Kaepernick.  NO THEY DON’T!  No body has the right to hurt another human being who is not responsible for what is going on.  How is the looting of someone else’s store, the burning of an Autozone, the rioting in the streets right?

It’s not and you know it. 

I’m Impish Dragon and Minneapolis, Denver, and wherever else you guys are acting out, you blew it!

Good Morning Campers,

Well, I managed to sleep a total of 6 hours in a row!  That’s like a record for this week.  So, I’m not too upset with the whole thing I guess.  Probably gonna end up napping through the day today (Wednesday for me).  I just sat and figured out my time for the next two weeks and remembered that we’re going back to working on the June Unit Training Assembly, so I have some hours to kill, since I’ll be out on the base teaching next Saturday so I can afford to kinda just float through today … keep track of how many hours I work and not worry about it, cause I’ll have to try to pull back ten hours somewhere for next Saturday.  Oh, by the way, it’s 4:30 in the damn morning!  Sigh.

My stomach is growling cause all I’ve been able to eat is like soup and stuff and you know that’s not going to keep a dragon happy, I’m grouchy and I need some damn coffee!

I’ll talk to you guys some more in a little while.

In the mean time, here’s some stuff to giggle at.  Somebody might as well get some laughs out of this!

Friend:  What are those things you blow on and make wishes?

Me:  Breathalyzers?

Me:  Go Fuck Yourself

Lady in Line:  Excuse me, my 10 year-old can hear you

Me:  That’s who I was talking to

I can’t find my Gone in 60 Seconds DVD.

It was here a minute ago

It turns out the most unrealistic part of zombie apocalypse movies is the lack of protesters demanding their right to be eaten by zombies.

Well, by the time you are reading this you will know whether SpaceX managed to launch two NASA astronauts into space later today or not.

The SpaceX Falcon 9, with the Crew Dragon spacecraft on top of the rocket, sits on Launch Pad 39-A, Tuesday, May 26, 2020, at Kennedy Space Center in Cape Canaveral, Fla. Two astronauts will fly on the SpaceX Demo-2 mission to the International Space Station scheduled for launch on May 27. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

First time we’ve done that in about a decade.  I don’t know about you, but I’m excited.  First time a civilian organization has EVER done it.  1633 hrs. EDT this afternoon.  It even looks a little different than what we’re used to seeing, doesn’t it?  Here’s a picture of the Falcon 9 (which I understand is the rocket portion) and the Crew Dragon [good name, that] (which I guess is the crew capsule at the top)

Pretty Cool stuff!

Let’s get some mail caught up …

These first couple go back to our Memorial Day issue.  I guess it’s been a couple of days since I’ve been out to the mail box.  First our daily message from Leah …

Leah D.

I watch as Utah’s numbers go up and up, faster since they went from red to orange. Now most of the State is yellow . . . except for a few places, and one is West Valley City, where I live. We have the highest numbers.
We will decorate graves on Wednesday, when everyone has gone and we don’t have to worry about social distancing.
The National Memorial Day Concert, to air on PBS on Sunday at 8 PM. It will be different, because of the virus, but I am amazed and so grateful they are still doing it.
Don and I always make like we are actually attending it. We rise for the Flag, and the Anthem, and clap to honor the vets whose lives made a difference in all of our lives.
And we cry a lot . . .

Yeah, I cry a lot, too, Leah…but mostly I feel a sense of pride.  I got a lot of emails and text messages from buddies and friends and family over the weekend.  And although it wasn’t veteran’s day, it was still nice to be remembered.

Maggie

Dear Impish
I always love your Memorial Day issue.
I too miss the Little Green Fella. The young of today have no conception of what is endured by our GALLANT service people and their families. Those serving are away and those at home must bear the burden of not having their reassuring presence. Due to today’s technology, they can at least share FACE TIME with their loved ones. I appreciate all that the SERVICE people have done for me and this country. I lost my Dad in WW2. , I was only 1 so I never really knew him. but he did get to see me.
I hope you and your family have a wonderful and peaceful holiday.
Maggie

Thank you Maggie.  It was an interesting weekend to say the least.  And yeah, I miss him, too.  Every single day. 
It’s sad that you lost your dad at such a young age and there really aren’t any platitudes that make it better and I won’t try, but I’m sure you’re as proud of him as any daughter could be of their dad.
And I agree, so of the truest and most unrecognized heroes are the family members left behind to deal with things while their spouses, and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and sons and daughters are away fighting and dying for the rest of us.  It just makes it worse when we look around and see how unappreciative most of the “rest of us” are for their sacrifices … and for OUR sacrifices.  I have, many, many times, told the wife of one of my guys, “Thank you for your service.” and watched their face light up when they realize that we know that they serve as much so as they do.

Okay, kicking the soapbox back under the table.  Moving on.

Lona

Thank you for your SERVICE,,Bless you for the laughs you give us.

Lona,

You are quite welcome … for both, dear lady.

Bill

Hope you are pain free soon! I feel for you.

Maggie

Impish.
hope you feel better soon
Maggie

Thanks Bill and Maggie.  As a matter of fact, today isn’t quite as bad.  Just unbearable instead of miserable.  LOL.

And a new one from Leah just came through…

Leah D

Hey Buddy! I really do feel for you, but just have to say, “Be thankful for the pain, if you were totally paralyzed, you wouldn’t feel any pain!” No, no, that’s not right, that’s what they told me when I woke up mostly paralyzed.
Give me a minute to shuffle my memory files . . Oh . . . Be Thankful you have a tooth that has to be pulled, ’cause that means you still have teeth!
But truthfully, wouldn’t you be more thankful if all those idiots who made it illegal to get relief from pain, had to suffer all your pain?
The very least they could do is buy you some Jameson.

Um … thanks?

I agree with the last part.  Like I said before, long time arthritis sufferer.  Was getting pain meds from my doctor for a long time and was doing quite well pain wise, then they changed the rules and I had to start going to a “pain doctor” so I started doing that and they kept changing the rules and making it harder and harder and had more and more hoops to jump through until I finally said “fuck it” and just stopped.  It’s a damn shame when it’s easier to live with the damn pain than it is to get relief.  That’s why I have to laugh when I go to a new doctor for something special and they look at my chart and ask me how long I’ve been retired and I tell them I’m still working and they say you still work full-time … with all these issues?  How do you do it with all the pain you must be in?

Yeah, well doc, me and pain – we’re old friends.

Anyway, Thanks Leah…and let’s get back to the fun stuff!!!

Hey, these next guys are almost right next door to me.  LOL!  And no surprise whatsoever! 

The Bozo Criminals for today come from Lafayette, Indiana where police were called to a fast food restaurant to check out a problem in the drive thru. It seems Bozos Michelle Phebus and her husband Tony had spent an evening partying heartily and had come down with a severe case of the munchies. So they drove to a burger joint, ordered a sack of burgers to go and proceeded to pull around. However, somehow, on the way to the pick up window, they fell asleep. Officers arrived to find two sleepy head bozos and a brick of marijuana that never quite made it to the pick-up window.

And does sound like a fair trade, a brick of marijuana for a bag of burgers.  Maybe they should’ve gone for the gravy hot tub instead.

From Insanity to Inspiration, it’s only here at the Motivational Posters

NO       SHIT!

That is one hell of an instinct!

Here are some Life Lessons from Margaret C.  You may have heard them before, but they are well worth repeating.

We all learn lessons that we carry with us through life and we often do so from the time we are very young. Of course, the types of lessons we are learning when we are young are going to be different than what they are when we are older but the results are much the same. Even though we might not learn something directly, we can use the principles behind what we are learning to help us in many different areas. That is true of the 6 lessons contained on this page. They may be funny but they are wisdom, none-the-less.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.  When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next-door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2/6:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3/6:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.  They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’

Puff! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4/6:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5/6:

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson 6/6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

There once was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn,
When she came upon a large pile of fresh manure produced by the stock bull:
Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pains,
She flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out.
She ate …… and ate … and then …. she ate some more!
Finally, she decided she’d had plenty.
She washed her face with her tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away.
But alas …she had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground.

She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall.
She’d found a solution!
She realized that if she could just become airborne she’d be able to fly again.
So, she painstakingly climbed to the top of the handle.
Once there, she took a deep breath, spread her tiny fly wings, and leapt confidently into the air.
She dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor…Dead fly…
The moral of this sad story?
Never fly off the handle when you know you’re full of bullshit!

And the final one from Margaret …

The madam opened the br0thel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking old man in his late sixties or early seventies:
“May I help you, sir?” She asked.
The old man replied. “I want to see Valerie.”
“Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else.” Said the madam.
He replied. “No, I must see Valerie.”
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the old man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the old man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.

“There are no discounts. The price is still $10,000.”
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the old man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the old man.
“No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?”
The old man replied. “St. Louis.”
“Really.” She said. “I have family in St. Louis.”
“I know.” The old man said.
“Your sister died and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.”
The moral of this story is, that three things in life are certain:
1. Death.
2. Taxes.
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.

Hmmm …. I sense a theme here….LOL!  Thanks for our “lessons” for today, Margaret!!

As well they should be!

So … the virus was started by someone eating bats…

Which lead to panic buying toilet paper …

Now the quarantine is driving people mad …

I guess you could say they’re going bat shit crazy!

Do you ever feel like your body’s “Check Engine” Light has been on and you’re still driving it like “Nah, it’ll be fine”?

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

Or your hands are full … happened to me this afternoon.

I hate mosquitoes!

I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don’t give out free samples!

Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.

I’d be in much better shape if SARCASM was an actual sport.

And as the perfect ending for today …

And that is it for today.  I can definitely tell you there will NOT be a Dragon Laffs for Friday, since I will be recovering from my dental extraction tomorrow.  But I should be back by Saturday.  Please remember to write to me, send me your jokes, your cartoons, your memes, your stories, your pictures, your questions, your anecdotes, your …. okay, so I’ve run out of examples …

impishdragon@gmail.com

Love and Laughter to you all!

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

So today… Tuesday…went to the dentist this morning and the tooth is so bad, with so much infection that he can’t do the extraction until Thursday, so THAT sucks.  He gave me some antibiotics and some pain pills, but since it was a three day weekend, the pharmacy was way backed up and I didn’t get them until way late … so it’s late in the afternoon now and I’m just now reaching the point of tolerance.  So, not sure how much of this I’ll get done for today.  Maybe I’ll get some knocked out for today and finish up for tomorrow, but the good news is that as you’re reading this … you’ll know.

So, I’ll keep you informed as we go through this, so let’s get some laughs in cause I sure as hell can use some.

There really is an awful lot of fun we could be having with this … if it wasn’t so damn serious.

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me.  I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Me too … not the least of which is … did you forget basic driver’s Ed … as in, gas right, brake left?

Sitting in a recliner, naked, watching a movie, eating ice cream and Doritos, minding my own business, and Fuckin’ Walmart calls the Cops.

Challenge Accepted

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.”

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great.
We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

I was so bored, I called Jake from State Farm, yesterday,  to talk to someone.  He asked me what I was wearing…

Point of order … that’s not a … oh never mind.

A guy goes to the massage parlor, but today, only a male is available. He shrugs, who cares? So….1/2 way through the session, he says to the masseuse, “is it common for a guy to get a hard on during a massage?” His masseuse says, “of course it is!’ The guy says, “can you get it out of my face?”

Yeah, you had one job.

 

Did You Know:

That Froot Loops are all the same flavor?

 

Sent this to a buddy of mine who runs the base inspection team … I haven’t heard back from him … I wonder if I should take that as a bad sign.

I bought a greyhound today.  My wife said, “Are you going to race him?”

“No, he’s way faster than me!” I replied.

So, I’ve gotten some piddly assed little pain pills that aren’t really doing the job, so I’m still in quite a bit of pain, so this sucks.  And I drank all my Jameson, so now I’m fucking stuck … damn!

When you first start on antibiotics for an infected tooth, it actually makes the pain worse, so I have that going for me.

So this is starting out as a fun night! Woo Hoo!

Gotta love the rednecks, doncha!

Watch Out! A Giant Brood of Cicadas is Supposed To Invade the Eastern US This Spring

Growing up in South Jersey, I can remember hearing the Cicadas singing in the summer time.  You could hear them every year, but yeah, every 17 years, it was something special!

https://rare.us/rare-news/across-the-u-s-a/17-year-cicadas/

Board your windows, hide in the cellar, bring your dog Toto inside, there’s a tornado of cicadas erupting from earth this spring and it looks to be a doozy! According to TribLive, a massive brood of cicadas is set to emerge from the dirt this spring after seventeen years underground and Southwestern Pennsylvania is located right in the heart of it.

Let’s see, going back 17 years would be 2003, then it would be 1986 and then 1969 and your Favorite Blue Dragon would’ve been in the summer of his tenth year.  So yeah, I remember it quite well!  There’s a really good video that is on the website, you should check it out!

Thanks to … you guessed it … Stephanie, for sharing this one with us!

I love my wife!  She went to the liquor store and bought me another bottle of Jameson AND a bottle of Smirnoff Berry Vodka!  My two favorite alcohols in the whole world!  Had she gotten a bottle of Fireball, it would have been the perfect trifecta, but that’s okay.  And all I had to do was promise not to overly mix the   alcohol with the pain pills.  But as piddly as the pain pills are there’s very little chance of THAT happening, so I might end up getting some sleep tonight after all.  YAY!

From Leah …

I had a bad day, posted to my family and close friends (that’s all I ‘friend’) on FB when I got home:  For ALL of you On The Road this morning, in the West side of West Valley City. I just want you to know how lucky you are. You could have died from a Covid Related Death.
I had to be at the old Pioneer Hospital this morning. I couldn’t eat or drink anything after midnight . . . so NO COFFEE! I keep falling off to sleep, and Don wanted to drive me. But I said no, because of Covid, you can’t go in with me. Then they inject this stuff into me that can “make you dizzy” which you can only get out of your system by drinking tons of water.
Because of Covid, the cafeteria is closed, so I have no way of getting coffee or water. I had to go to the bank, and drop mail off at the PO, before I could come home. Someone angrily honked at me once, but I was too dazed to understand what it was I had done wrong.
It’s a miracle I didn’t wreck into you, or cause you to wreck into someone else but if I had, it darn well would have been Covid Related!
Yah, I know, shut up and drink some more coffee . . . .

I did not say that!  I didn’t!  I didn’t!  But it does sound like you are darn lucky to get home! 

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that 1 out of 5 enjoy it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

And that’s it…short and sweet for today.

Love to you all.

Good night and bless you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Sorry to say that I’m still in a lot of pain so today is probably going to be just a bunch of cartoons and memes.  I really gotta get to the damn dentist.  So without anything else…let’s get to the funny stuff.

“I’ve just build a model of Mount Everest.”

“Is it to scale?”

“No, just to look at.”

Paddy rings his new girlfriend’s doorbell, with a big bunch of flowers.  She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.  She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says, “This is for the flowers!”

“Don’t be silly,” says Paddy, “you must have a vase somewhere!”

I went to the auto motive supply store and ask for a car jack.

Two guys came out dressed in black and ski mask and I said give me your car.!

A Grizzly kept going in and out of his cave all day.

I tell you this because it bears repetition.

The first five Florists I called from the phone book knew nothing about carpet or tile.  And suddenly, I’m the idiot.

I refused to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft.  But when I got home, all the signs were there.

The man on the news said at the end of the day what’s going to keep you safe is common sense.

Some of y’all in trouble …

A QUEEN and a famous porn star died on the same day

when they fronted up to St Peter he told them there was only one space left for that day, and they’d have to argue their respective cases.The porno star ripped off her top and said, “These are the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please HIM greatly to be able to gaze upon them for eternity.”

The Queen said nothing, but hiked up her skirt, pulled down her royal underwear, shook up a bottle of Perrier she had in her handbag, then douched her vagina with it.

St Peter nodded and let the Queen pass through the pearly gates.

“What the fuck is all that about?” yelled the porn star. “I show you two of God’s greatest achievements and NOTHING! That old bitch performs a disgusting act and you let her in?”

“Sorry, my child,” said St Peter, “but a royal flush beats a pair every time.”

That is the most perfect statement of all time.

I helped my neighbor out with something today and she said to me, “I could marry you.”

I couldn’t believe it!  You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your entire life in return.

Leah D wrote a follow up to the railroad size thing.

I sent the bit about why railroads are a certain size to my brother, a history professor.  He wrote this back to me.

Early on, the US had a number of gauges of railroad, depending on the companies who ran them. It was during the Civil War, when  men and materiel had to be moved and moved quickly that the 4’ 8” standard was adopted, it having been handed down from the Romans and integrated into so much that was the width of roads of all kinds.  The narrow gauge railroads still continued, mostly in places where there were tight turns—like the railroad coming from Mack, Colorado into the old Dragon Mine down below Vernal; it was narrow gauge. The Durango to Silverton Railroad is a narrow gauge, too. 

Thanks for that bit of catch up history Leah.

I’ve read and/or watched everyone of those. 

And speaking of books … I’ve read 40 books in 55 days.  …. just sayin’

And that’s it my friends.  I know it wasn’t much, but I hope you all got a laugh out of it.  Probably expect issues intermittently over the next couple of days as things around here tend to go back and forth with work and such.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to the Memorial Day weekend issue.  It’s Saturday Morning for me.  I woke up early … I’d like to say I woke up early to work on this for you, but the truth of it is, that I woke up early because I’ve had a rough couple of days.  To tell you the truth I’ve been a teensy bit worried that I  might have the COVID-19 virus, even though logically, I know that I don’t.  It’s like the logic side of your brain says, “of course you don’t” while the terror side of your brain says, “YOU MIGHT!  YOU MIGHT!” 

No, I’ve had this wicked-assed headache the past two days that I’m 90% sure is related to a bad tooth that’s exacerbated by sinuses/allergies and high pollen right now.  Got almost no sleep Thursday night that even copious amounts of Jameson didn’t help with.  Worked through it yesterday and was supposed to do a bunch of stuff after work yesterday and couldn’t – which means it all gets pushed off till today.  Slept poorly last night through sheer exhaustion and woke up this morning feeling a little better, but the damn headache is still there a bit but wouldn’t allow me to sleep in like I really needed.  Hence, here I am up early and sharing my time with you.  And that’s how I tell a story the second way.

LOL!

So … Memorial Day … is a federal holiday specifically for honoring those members who have died while serving in the military.  There is a long and convoluted history involved with Memorial Day.  In fact, the VA’s own website cites at least 25 different possible claims of origins of Memorial Day that stem back to the Civil War.  None of that really matters. 

The bottom line is that we take this one opportunity to honor the fallen men and women who have served this country.  Who have served us … each and every one of us. 

As I get older, I’ve more and more friends that I’ve lost in uniform.  Or friends that I’ve lost who used to be in uniform.  Or both.  I can sit here and tell you stories of my own military career.  Of the countries I’ve been to and the places I’ve seen.  And I am very thankful and very blessed.  I’ve seen things and done things that a kid from south Jersey would’ve never gotten to do if it wasn’t for the United States Air Force.  Oh my God, the things that I’ve gotten to see and do.

LOL, not that it was all one sided.  I paid a price.  I have a metal hip and a metal knee on the right side, and probably need both on the left, plus arthritis and constant pain throughout my body because of slamming bombs onto airplanes in all kinds of crappy weather all over the world.  My body is beat to shit.  I have a constant and continuous ringing in my ears from over exposure to jet engines for so many years and can no longer hear certain sound tones and the tinnitus is unbearably annoying at the best of times and makes you want to blow your head off at the worst. 

Wow, I sound like a whinny little bitch.  Because I have it easy…EASY.  Remember Lethal Leprechaun.  My friend and brother Jeff.  He spent so many years in so much pain.  That he finally died from his injuries after so many years of suffering.  And he didn’t bitch and whine.  It’s not my place to tell you of his suffering, some of you know.  But so many of our brothers and sisters come home with missing body parts – arms and legs blown off.  Or they come home with stuff missing on the inside and they can’t cope and they end up on drugs and they end up homeless and they gave up a regular life for you and for me.

And others gave up the ultimate sacrifice.  They gave up everything.  They signed that check and the government cashed it.  All of us who join, sign that check, knowing the possibility exists that it can be cashed, but Memorial Day is set aside for those who do.  Yeah, my sacrifice was easy.  Easy peasy.  I’m sitting here writing to you on a beautiful Saturday morning, looking back fondly on the things that I got to do while I was stationed overseas, remembering friends, while my wife is asleep in the next room, my daughter is asleep upstairs, my grandkids may even give me a call this weekend. 

Yeah — I’ve got it DAMN Good!

This is a time to remember those that made so that all of us can say …

We’ve got it damn good.

Let’s not forget them.  Through the echo of the last sword clash and the grass growing over their graves, do not let us forget the sacrifices they’ve made for us.

Okay, one last thing, then we’ll move on to happier things for a while…

The Final Inspection

The soldier stood and faced his God,
Which must always come to pass;
He hoped his shoes were shining bright,
Just as brightly as his brass.

“Step forward now, soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you turned the other cheek?
To my church have you been true?”

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
“No, Lord, I guess I ain’t;
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can’t always be a saint.

I’ve had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was rough;
I’ve had to break your rules my Lord,
Because the world is awfully tough.

But, I never took a thing
That wasn’t mine to keep;
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear;
And sometimes … God forgive me,
I’ve wept unmanly tears.

I know I don’t deserve a place
Among the people here;
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.

If you’ve a place for me here, Lord,
It needn’t be so grand;
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don’t, I’ll understand.”

There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints often trod;
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

“Step forward now, soldier,
You’ve borne your burdens well;
Come walk peacefully on Heaven’s streets,
You’ve done your time in HELL!”
~ Author: Sgt.Joshua Helterbran ~

Took me a little while to find the author of that great poem.  The copy that I’ve had for quite a many years now didn’t have any mention of who the author was and I wanted to give credit where credit was due.

We may get back to some Memorial Day stuff later … I may tell you some stories of my time in the service … of getting kicked out of a whole country … I know some of you have been kicked out of bars, some of you may have even been kicked out of town, but how many of you can say you’ve been kicked out of a whole country … lol!!!  Anyway … stories.  Maybe later.  Gotta check with my lawyer and see if the statute of limitations is up yet.  But for now, let’s do some of that laughing stuff, shall we?

I don’t know … right now, that might be considered showing off your wealth.

Let’s shut down the media for 3 months!  That will clear a ton of shit up!

You really gotta hand it to short people …

Because they usually can’t reach it anyway.

Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people.

We haven’t met yet.

Out grocery shopping, I tried so hard to suppress a sneeze so I wouldn’t get glares from people.  I couldn’t hold it so I tried to “internally” sneeze which caused me to fart, pee a little, and cough violently.  Peoples’ faces went from glares to total concern for my life.

“The best teachers are those who show you where to look, but don’t tell you what to see.”

Only cause of the look on his face.

The US standard railroad gauge (space between the rails) is 4 feet 8½ inches.

That is a very odd number. Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England and the US railroads were built by English expatriates.

Why did the English build them that way? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did they use that gauge? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that were used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

So why did the wagons have that particular spacing? If they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England because that was the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe (including England) were built by Imperial Rome for their legions and they have been in use ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? The ruts, which everyone had to match for fear of breaking their wagon wheels, were first formed by chariots. Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the manner of wheel spacing.

The US standard railroad gauge of 4 feet 8½ inches was derived from the original specifications for the Imperial Roman war chariot.

Specifications and bureaucracies live on forever!

So, the next time you are handed a specification and you wonder what bureaucratic horse’s ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two horses.

There we have the answer to the original question but now for a new twist to the story.

When we see the space shuttle sitting on its launching pad, there are two booster rockets attached to the side of the main fuel tank. These are solid fuel boosters that are made by Thiokol at their plant in Utah.

The engineers who designed the boosters would have preferred to make them larger in diameter but they had to be shipped by rail from the factory to the launch site. The railroad from the factory had to pass through several tunnels in the mountains that are, you guessed it, just slightly wider than the railroad track which is about two horse butts wide.

Incredibly, a major design feature of what is currently the world’s most advanced and technologically sophisticated transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass.

Don’t you just love engineering?

Working with a bunch of engineers currently, it surprises me not at all that it is all based on horses’ asses.

Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it’s the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at?

They all looked at the moon and they’re all dead. 

The moon is killing people.

Wake up America.

Here’s an oldie but goodie:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Alcohol is just another means of consuming fruits and vegetables! Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer and vodka are made out of grain. Corn (a vegetable) is whiskey’s main ingredient. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO …… Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about maintaining a proper lifestyle!

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn’t stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs’ togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.

I have a nephew named Violence who’s terrible at math.

Violence doesn’t solve anything.

Got a quick note from H.M. that said:

We live in Wa, just on the Idaho border.  The beauty shops opened there on Monday.  We drove over and had a 3 hour wait to get a haircut!

But then the first picture I got from H.M. was this one:

I don’t know why you had a 3 hour wait H.M.  lol.  Thanks for sharing!  Actually 3 hours does seem a bit excessive…although after as long as everyone’s been shut down, maybe not.  But, thanks so much for writing.  I love hearing from you guys.

If kinetic energy is converted into thermal energy, how hard do I have to slap a chicken to cook it?

Apparently you can’t use “beefstew” as a password.

It’s not stroganoff.

Here’s two great stories sent to us by Brenda C. that have … kinda … a Memorial Day theme.  Thanks Brenda.

I found this very interesting story considering we are coming into memorial weekend .and you working on base ..maybe you have seen this story or heard it but it is very interesting

Two Stories

STORY NUMBER ONE:

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone was famous for notoriously enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed. “Easy Eddie.” He was Capone’s lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got special dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago City block.

Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him.

Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.

And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was.

Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn’t give his son; he couldn’t pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done.

He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al “Scarface” Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified.

Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street … but in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a clipping from a magazine. It read:

“The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time.

For the clock may soon be still.”

STORY NUMBER TWO:

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare.

He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.

One day his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank.

He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.

His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet.

The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.

Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber’s blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another.

Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible, rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier.

Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace of W.W.II, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honor.

A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this WW II hero to fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch’s memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor. It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?  

Butch O’Hare was “Easy” Eddies son.

What a great story!!!

Thank y0u ever so much for sharing, Brenda!

Always take a receipt.  You may need it as an alibi.

Me:  You have school tomorrow.

9 year-old:  Real school or school with you?

Me:  School with me is real school.

9 year-old:  Real teachers know math.

Not bragging, but I’ve closed down a few bars in my day.

Didn’t even need the governors approval.

It’s another hot day, so I’ve taken all my clothes off and opened every window …

I feel so much better, although the other people on the bus don’t seem so pleased.

I got another one of those really sweet letters.  This one from Deborah C.  This is what she had to say:

Dear Mr. Dragon,

I have been reading Dragon Laffs for about 15 years. I have enjoyed each and every one! My little brother introduced me to you.  I really enjoyed Lethal’s recipes.

I still am working full time as an essential worker. It has been rough, I work at Walmart, on the front lines as a customer host. It was really strange… since they told everyone to stay at home, we have never been so busy!! And when the stimulus checks started being sent out.. wow! My bonus for the first quarter was more than double what I usually get. And it hasn’t slowed down yet.

Keep up your good work and know that you are appreciated.

Deborah

Dear Deborah,

Yeah, I really enjoyed Lethal’s recipes, too.  I miss that old bastard so much.  Every single solitary day. 

Wow, you’ve been reading since the very beginning … or just about.  That’s a lot of dedication.  And it sounds like you’ve been pretty busy at Walmart, too.  Thank you so much for writing.  You made my whole day.

Love,

Impish

Things I thought I would have as an adult:  A thriving career, an amazing social life, an impressive retirement account.

Things I actually have as an adult: A plastic bag filled with with plastic bags, a favorite spatula, crippling anxiety.

F-15 Strike Eagle from RAF Lakenheath in England.  The USAF rocks!

 

Thanks to Donnie G for sending this to me!!!  I just opened it up and I have to share it right now!

And I think that is the perfect place to end this issue.  I’m not sure if there will be an issue on Monday or not.  Kinda depends on how my day goes tomorrow.  So…until either Monday or Tuesday, until we meet again.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon