Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

Good Monday Morning.  Back to work after a nice long holiday weekend.  I’m enjoying being off work too much.  LOL. 

NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER

TEST YOUR WIFE’S

MEMORY.

EVER.

I’VE DECIDED TO SELL MY NUDES:

$5 TO GET ONE

$25 TO NOT GET ONE

Yup, from Aussie Peter

Now that I’ve live through an actual plague, I totally understand why Italian Renaissance paintings are full of naked fat people laying on couches.

Lynn sent this to me and I thank you Lynn from the bottom of my heart for it is the very best anti-kneeling I’ve ever read.  It did not have an author, if you wrote it Lynn, God bless you.  If not, then if who ever did write it, may the Good Lord bring blessings down upon your house.  Here it is, just the way I got it:

Take a knee…

Take a little trip to Valley Forge in January. Hold a musket ball in your Fingers and imagine it piercing your flesh and breaking a bone or two.
There won’t be a doctor or trainer to assist you until after the battle, so Just wait your turn. Take your cleats and socks off to get a real Experience.

Then, take a knee on the beach in Normandy where man after American man Stormed the beach, even as the one in front of him was shot to pieces, the Very sea stained with American blood. The only blockers most had were the dead bodies in front of them, riddled with bullets from enemy fire.

Take a knee in the sweat soaked jungles of Vietnam. From Khe Sanh to Saigon, anywhere will do. Americans died in all those jungles. There was no Playbook that told them what was next, but they knew what flag they Represented. When they came home, they were protested as well, and spit on for reasons only cowards know.

Take another knee in the blood drenched sands of Fallujah in 110 degree Heat. Wear your Kevlar helmet and battle dress. Your number won’t be printed on it unless your number is up! You’ll need to stay hydrated but There won’t be anyone to squirt Gatorade into your mouth. You’re on your Own.

There are a lot of places to take a knee where Americans have given their Lives all over the world. When you use the banner under which they fought As a source for your displeasure, you dishonor the memories of those who bled for the very freedoms you have. That’s what the red stripes mean. It represents the blood of those who spilled a sea of it defending your Liberty.

While you’re on your knee, pray for those that came before you, not on a manicured lawn striped and printed with numbers to announce every inch of ground taken, but on nameless hills and bloodied beaches and sweltering forests and bitter cold mountains, every inch marked by an American life Lost serving that flag you protest.

No cheerleaders, no announcers, no coaches, no fans, just American men and women, delivering the real fight against those who chose to harm us, blazing a path so you would have the right to “take a knee.” You haven’t any inkling of what it took to get you where you are, but your “protest” is duly noted. Not only is it disgraceful to a nation of real heroes, it serves the purpose of pointing to your ingratitude for those who chose to defend you under that banner that will still wave long after your jersey is retired.

If you really feel the need to take a knee, come with me to church on Sunday and we’ll both kneel before Almighty God. We’ll thank Him for preserving this country for as long as He has. We’ll beg forgiveness for our ingratitude for all He has provided us. We’ll appeal to Him for understanding and wisdom. We’ll pray for liberty and justice for all, because He is the one who provides those things. But there will be no Protest. There will only be gratitude for His provision and a plea for His continued grace and mercy on the land of the free and the home of the Brave.

It goes like this, GOD BLESS AMERICA……..

I’m not ashamed to say that it brought a tear to my eye.  Thank you again Lynn for sharing this with me.

“He who drinks a fifth on the fourth, may not be able to go forth on the fifth.”

The Ant and The Grasshopper

This one is a little different …

Two different versions … Two different Morals

Old Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dance and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.  The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

Moral of the old story: Be responsible for yourself!

Modern Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dance and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while hi is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.  America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can it be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’.

Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant’s house where the news stations film them singing, ‘We Shall Overcome’.

The Reverend Al Sharpton has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper while he damns the ants.  He later appears on MSNBC to complain that rich people do not care.

Former President Obama condemns the ant and blames Donald Trump, President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the Pope for the grasshopper’s plight.

Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer exclaim in an interview on The View that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant’s old house, crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn’t maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest of the free world with it.

Moral of the Modern Version:  Be Careful How You Vote In 2020

I’ve printed this here because I believe that you are an ant and not a grasshopper!  Feel free to pass this on to other ants.  Don’t bother passing it on to any grasshoppers because they wouldn’t understand it anyway.

And thanks to Papa Dragon Most Senior for sharing it with me.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Trenton, Nebraska where bozo Brian Ledford escaped from the county jail. Bozo was worried that he might call too much attention to himself as he walked down the highway in his bright orange prison jumpsuit. So, he stripped down to his lime green boxer shorts. Plan for remaining inconspicuous didn’t work. Two power company workers who drove by called the cops to report some guy walking down the highway in his underwear.

Yup, Aussie Peter again.

Did You Know:  (…) Dog noses are wet (Yes, they are) (ahem) Dog noses are wet to help them absorb scent chemicals – they then lick their noses to better understand the smell!  (That’s … kinda cool and kinda gross at the same time)

First picture of the real killer hornet:

 

Damn I can’t believe Epstein’s mistress died of suicide next week

Today I tested positive for Sickofthisshit-20.  I may or may not be contagious.

OMG, no kidding.  I qualified marksman when I was 18.  LOL!  What a dumbass thing to say.  People have no clue and don’t live in the real world.

I don’t know.  Come on.  What are the odds the other side could be worse?

Yeah, mine was too.  And that’s it for today.  I hope you had fun.  I know I did.  Write to me at impishdragon@gmail.com because you know I’d love to hear from you.

Cheers! ~ Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Seaside, New Jersey … the mid 1970’s … what a time to live in.  Surfing, Sailing, swimming, hanging out on the boardwalk.  Kissing girls under the boardwalk.  I had no idea the perfect childhood I had until I no longer had it.  I turned 18, joined the Air Force, moved away and never had it again.  Not like I did as a kid.  Then raising my kids, I didn’t realize what a great place I was raised until I was raising my kids.  And maybe I didn’t realize what a great time I was raised … I’m sure that had something to do with it as well.

So, that was my little bit of looking back … nostalgia is a wonderful thing in small doses, but now it is time for coffee in large doses and laughter and giggles in huge doses.

It’s going to be hot and humid today, hope everyone is ready to laugh, so let’s get started!

Oh Lord, it’s starting already.

Well, I was going to turn all my guns over to the government; but I did a background check and none of them were mentally stable.

Join me in telling Walmart, “If I wanted to check myself out, I’d stay at home and shop Amazon.  Hire some cashiers.”

You know you’re old when you go to bed at the time you used to go out.

 

I miss the good old days … Remember when you could actually have an opinion without offending somebody?

“Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up,” said no one ever.

Irony – the opposite of Wrinkly

Lead me not into temptation … oh hell … just follow me, I know a short cut!

Yes, again, you of a certain age won’t get it …

I just beat my family in a game of Monopoly.  I was supposed to go directly to Jail without passing Go, but I resisted arrest, sued them for excessive force and won the game.  There were riots on Boardwalk and Park Place.  Marvin Gardens is occupied and is now a new board game called MGAZ.

Oh, that’s subtle …

A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan.

I think I either know who this little girl grew up to be or know who her mom is … depending on how old this picture is … that look is WAY TOO Familiar.

Did You Know: (Let’s do this) John F. Kennedy was the First U.S. President who was a Boy Scout as a child.  (Maybe that’s part of the problem) (Maybe it is)

What possible fucking difference could it make to her reputation at this point?

We’re still in the O’s … from Optimism to Overkill and a few things in-between…

And everyone of us knows someone who this would have/could have happened to…

Due to COVID-19, we are asking protesters to work from home and destroy their own property …

I just dumped a pack of M&M’s into my mask at work and am slowly eating them like a horse.

That’s just wrong …

Okay … remember that comment about the 74 day filibuster on the Civil Rights Act?  So many of you wrote back to me and provided me documentation of it’s authenticity that I’m not going to single out any single one of you to print here, but will say thank you to all of you who answered me.  Donnie G, Pat C, Tom J, and I hope that I got everyone … if not, I apologize.  And yes … it was true!!!

Mail Call:  Let’s do some of this…

Stephanie

If only people would respect each other and that people would act in a manner deserving respect.

Ain’t that the truth dear friend!  And I love you right back!

Alan F

At a guess, I would say it was a model of the circulatory system of a left arm. Or am I wrong. It is beautiful, though.

Well, the write-up says right limb, but I do agree … beautifully impressive.

Marsha M

Just a quick thought…..weren’t you at the dentist a few weeks back….I was, had that root canal…well this week have major infection in sinus and ear, down back of head..Given mega antibiotics….doc said common problem with back upper teeth. Hits the nerve in that area. Pay attention…all connects to the brain. Well in some of us it does…. Enjoy the 4th….only old people have it….

Hmm, the implication being that perhaps in Dragons the back upper teeth don’t connect to the brain?  I’m not sure.  And the first bout of vertigo had nothing to do with a trip to the dentist so … I’m going to say that there probably isn’t a connection and since I’m a man and since it’s gone, I’m not going to be overly concerned with it.  Be well dear lady.

I wonder why we are so obsessed with trying to find intelligent life on other planets, when we can’t even find intelligent life here?

If a knight in Prague dons his armor, does that mean the Czech is in the mail?

And with us Smudging for 2020, I’ll leave you here for today.  Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Happy Independence Day!  Happy 4th of July.  I’m starting to write this a few days ahead of time, and I wonder what silliness will be done to us this holiday.  But, I hold out high hopes that it will be celebrated in a manner befitting the proud nation that we are.  I hold out high hopes … and fingers crossed … and toes crossed … we shall see I suppose.

I’m not sure whether we will be going to see the fireworks or not … we can kinda see them from our back deck, but you don’t really get the same … experience … if you know what I mean.  But, with things being the way they are right now, we might just be staying home this year.  I’m not really sure I want to be that close to other people.  I guess we’ll see.

Anyway, why don’t we move on to some laughter and we’ll talk about patriotic stuff throughout.

 

Again, you youngsters aren’t going to get that one.  But, I can hear it in my head!

Did You Know: (You’re starting early) (No, this one is cool and sent in by Stephanie)  The Chainsaw was originally invented to help with childbirth (ACK!) Check out this website: https://www.popsci.com/story/science/weirdest-thing-chainsaw-childbirth-santorio-delayed-conception/ and here’s a teaser picture:

Can we move on to something else … please …

Anyone know how many air fresheners it takes to get the dead body smell out of a basement?

Asking for a friend.

Why does none of this surprise me?

I saw a guy at Starbucks today.  No iPhone, no tablet, no laptop.

He just sat there.

Drinking coffee.

Like a Psychopath.

Oh yeah … something like that could NEVER happen in real life …

Have you ever been so offended at something that you thought: “Man, I need to steal a flat screen TV right now”?

No, me neither.

Oh! I found it!  I found it!  I’ve been looking for this for a long time!  And I’ve finally found it!  A Dragon Laffs EXCLUSIVE!!!

Okay, now you have the list.  Now … quit your bitching.

And it’s Aussie Peter who keeps sending these to me, LOL!

Swimming pools will reopen on the 4th of July.  Due to continuing Social Distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.

If you guys haven’t figured out that at least 75% of all this is engineered, than you aren’t paying attention.

And more Assholes.

If you see someone coughing at the store, remember that asthmatics exist, and it’s spring/summer.  Allergies still exist.

The dirty looks aren’t needed.

Isn’t just as easy to give someone the benefit of the doubt?  What’s going to change?

Doesn’t she have a friend she can call?  Or maybe that’s what she’s doing …

Oh the O’s and the Over-abundance of Opportunities …

At this point in 2020, dinosaurs can come back and I will just look out my window and be like, “Oh cool.”

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

No shit!  Well said Steven Crowder.

I’m so confused right now.  I see signs all over saying black lives matter.  I’m just trying to figure out which black lives matter.  It’s not black cops.  They don’t seem to matter.  It’s not my black conservative friends.  They are told to shut the fuck up if they know what’s best for them by their black counterparts.  It’s not black business owners.  Their property does not mean anything.  It’s not blacks who fought in the military.  Their statues are destroyed by the black lives matter protesters with distain.  So which black lives matter again?

And I don’t know where she got that, or if she wrote it herself, but it was sent to me by a black co-worker and dear friend.

Okay, I don’t care who you are, that’s just funny… and let’s do some comments now …

Leah D.

Vertigo! Now that should have some conspiracy story attached to it. I’m old, and people have always talked to me . . . even total strangers tell me stories that bring them to tears. But it has only been the last 15 – 20 years that I have become surrounded by people suffering from Vertigo (maybe, the famous Hitchcock thriller had a background sound you couldn’t hear, but it damaged the balance of the inner ear….?). One friend, can’t walk up her stairs, has to crawl up them, can’t drive. Another, can’t watch TV, read, but can drive.
Being prone to sinus infections, accompanied by Vertigo, I understand how it feels, but can’t imagine what it is like to be totally incapacitated by bouts that come and go, and especially the ones who are never totally free of it.
I find myself often just shaking my head in wonderment, how you manage to publish issues, when your life is filled with so much turmoil. Kudos!

Life is an adventure and not meant to be survived.  It’s happened to me three times … in the last year, so I can’t say that I’m a real sufferer.  I will talk to the doc about it at my next appointment.  It’s kinda cool to be drunk without the use of alcohol and besides, turmoil is good for the heart!  Keeps your blood thin!

Dave

Try the Epley maneuver for your vertigo. Meclizine will usually also help. I sat under a twin gun turret for hours on end and worked in steel fabrication for 35 years. The noises along with getting old didn’t help. Tinnitus AND vertigo. Now, when people tell me I have rocks in my head, they don’t understand why I actually agree with them.

Dave, seems like the Meclizine is what they prescribed me for the first round when I was in the hospital all day.  Not sure if it helped or not since the vertigo was gone the next day and with this bout it was gone the next day again without any medication.  Now, this Epley maneuver I’ve heard of when I was doing research the first time.  I should’ve tried it, but being old, I forgot.  I’ll try to remember for/if there’s a next time.  Yup, for me it was fighter aircraft.  the tinnitus sucks!  I hate it.  Constant companion.

Maggie

Impish
a great issue,,,, hope you and the family have a WONDERFUL HOLIDAY
Maggie

Thank you Maggie, dear.  And the same to you!

Leah D.

Woke with stuffiness and slightly sore throat. Sucking Cold Eeze, my mantra is “It’s only a cold, it;s only a cold”. I strongly suspect it “is only a fire”, because the same storm that whipped the fires in the Salt Lake City area, also brought in cool to cold temperatures. I turned off the AC, opened the window. Could I please only deal with one disaster at a time!

Leah, two comments in one issue!  Be glad you have cooler weather.  WE are dealing with record highs.  and everyone say it with me … IT’S ONLY A COLD!

Thanks to Lynn for sending this AWESOME Picture and description …

In this incredible model, we get an appreciation for the complex circulatory system of a human arm. This particular model shows the arterial system in a right upper limb.

The human circulatory system carries blood around an extensive network of vessels, totalling 100,000 km (62,000 miles) in length, which is equivalent to a journey 2.5 times around Earth!

For those curious, the model was made using Vascular corrosion casting, which uses resin to capture the 3D structure of blood vessels within human and animal tissue. It is widely used in research as a technique for obtaining the volume and surface area of the blood vessel network within an organ. The earliest known use of corrosion casting was by Robert Boyle in 1663. 

Just friggin’ wow!

But if you ask us guys, it’s well worth it!

Okay, I’m going to have to end this issue there…no more time.  Sadly, I do have things to do today.  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.  Love to you all!

Cheers! ~ Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Vertigo has disappeared, thank God, but because of that, not much to really talk about this morning, so rather than prattle on, I’m just going to jump right into the fun stuff … how does that sound to everyone? 

Any decenters?  Going once … going twice …

VAPING IS SO WEIRD.  YOU WALK PAST A BUNCH OF HARD ASSES OUTSIDE A BAR AND THEY ALL SMELL LIKE FUCKING STRAWBERRY MUFFINS.

Getting angry with somebody?  Think before you talk.

If the person is junior to you … count to 10 and then talk.

If the person is equal to you … count to 30 and then talk.

If the person is your senior … count to 50, then talk.

If the person is your wife … keep counting … don’t talk.

Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.

I must be healthy as a fucking horse!

It was a little known side of Yoda

Leah D sent this to me …

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 

(2 Timothy 3:1-7)

When I read that today, I thought these must be the last days.. . I don’t think they were holding auditions?

It’s not the Kings James version I remember (and where is the part about leading captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts- but I digress) but it does seem to describe, quite nicely, our current situation.

2 Timothy 3

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. Okay, that sounds like right now.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy okay, if that doesn’t describe the EVERYTHING that’s going on right now then I’m an Orc’s uncle

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good  Trucebreakers are those that are now going against are police just like despisers of those that are good … same thing, although I don’t know what people that pee their pants  have to do with anything.

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; How many traitors are out there?  How many are jumping on the bandwagon?  How many mayors are throwing their police departments under the bus

And it goes on and on.  I’m not a “religious” person in the normal sense of the word.  Leah and I have had long discussions off line about our beliefs which is why she probably sent me what she sent me.  In a nut shell, I’ve belonged to many different organized religious groups, that I will not go into here for fear of insulting one that you might belong to, but I have found that none of them have been a good fit for blue dragon, so at this point in time, although I consider myself a very religious and Godly person I can’t say that I am a particular religion.  I’m an “Impishist” as in I believe in what Impish believes in.  Anyway, that’s a long way of saying that I’m not going to sit here and preach to you and tell you that this is the end of times or anything like that, I just think that it was a very interesting comparison to what’s going on now to what was written back then.

Moving on. 

Gee, I wonder why?

Me:  Doctor, it hurts when I go like this.

Doctor:  You’re not doing anything.  You’re just sitting there being alive.

Me:  Exactly

And the lesson boys and girls, is that you don’t ever know what another person is going through, so the best thing is to always give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  It is so much easier to be nice than to be a piece of shit.

The thing is … this was significant when I saved it … but I’m currently in the middle of a melt down, so don’t hold anything against me.

Okay … I’ve held off, but we’ve got to do this …

Like George Orwell said, “All the pigs are equal, just some of them are more equal than others.”

You can change the logo out on that bottom picture to about any of the lam-stream media

Boy, ain’t THAT the truth!

But it’s so cute!!!

And boy, ain’t that the TRUTH!

Me:  [screaming]

You: [screaming]

All of us: [screaming]

Ice Cream Parlor Employee:  I fucking quit!

I pretend to like people everyday.

It’s called being an adult and it’s why we’re allowed to buy alcohol. 

Okay, now I really, really want to know if the sign worked.

Dove Chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

I’m always forced to do shit I’m not qualified for.

Like being nice to fucking idiots.

I have never faked a sarcasm in my life!

A co-worker said to me, “Could you be any more annoying?”

So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.

Not a single person asked me if I could run fast in my new shoes today.  Being an adult is stupid.

And that’s all there is for today dear friends.  May you all be blessed with happiness and health.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

I’m playing hooky … today is Tuesday, dart night and I’m taking the rest of the week off.  I think I deserve it.  Independence Day is Saturday, therefore Friday will be the official government paid holiday; Thursday will be liberal leave day (which only means that you don’t have to keep somebody in your office like you normally do, if the whole office wants to take a day of leave and have a four day weekend you can, but we always make sure we have someone there) so I was going to take Thursday off and make it a four-day weekend and well… to be perfectly frank, after the day I had today, answering asinine questions from asinine people, none of which actually even worked for the military but thought that I would have the answer because I DID work for the military, even though the questions they were asking me had nothing, NOTHING to do with either my JOB, my POSITION, my SPECIALTY, or my SUBJECT KNOWLEDGE EXPERTISE … I thought, Impish … you’ve done served your country truly well this day, you deserve a break.

And then … I swear on all that’s holy … I heard the old McDonald’s jingle playing in the background.  You know the one … “You deserve a break today, so get up and get away, to McDonalds …”

(Oh, don’t start THAT shit again!!!!)

I … actually … heard … the … music …

I filled out the leave paperwork, submitted it to my boss, told the two guys that work for me that I would be back on Monday, that I was taking a long weekend, packed up my stuff and left the office.

I’m not sure, but I think I might be having a mental break down.

I keep hearing Barry Manilow’s voice telling me it’s okay and like a good neighbor, State Farm and I should spend time at the Copa Cabana.  He’s the one who originally sang the McDonald’s jingle and State Farm and KFC and Stridex and … and … and why is Friggin’ Barry Manilow stuck in my head.

I am Definitely Having A Mental Break Down.

So therefore, a break is in order …

This is quite true and often a problem historically.  Hence, many a pissed off dragon has burned many a non-believing village with the ending result of giving the dragons a bad name. 

Okay, I’m not really sure how much 300 mg of caffeine is, but is sure doesn’t sound like enough to me!

Can someone check this next fact for me?  I’m still feeling a little beaten down and am not in the best of places (Shut up Barry Manilow, I swear to all that’s holy … I’ll …) anyway … this one:

In 1964, on the floor of the U.S. Senate, Democrats held the longest filibuster in our nations history, 75 days.  All trying to prevent the passing of one thing. 

THE CIVIL RIGHTS ACT.

Something about that doesn’t ring true …

It’s analogy time boys and girls …

The wolf has somehow convinced the sheep that the sheepdog is the dangerous one and the he must be removed.  I pray for the sheep when the sheepdog is gone and the wolf has all the sheep to himself.

Yeah, tough love … it’s usually for the best.

How the fuck did a generation raised on South Park and Family Guy become so offended by everything?

Yesterday one of my good friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

What’s blue and doesn’t weigh very much?

Light blue.

What’s the toughest thing about being a vegan?

Apparently, keeping it to yourself.

Weirdness abounds … so, played darts last night… did really well, thank you very much, came home, watched a little TV even though it was late, cause you can’t just come home and go to bed, but after I went to bed, woke up early to use the bathroom because I’m an old man and promptly fell on my ass … again!  I’ve got that whole vertigo thingy going on again today!!!  Some of you may remember when that happened to me … what? … last year some time where I went to Immediate Care, then the Emergency Room and they ran all kinds of tests on me and decided the rocks in my head were askew. 

So, today, I’m of the opinion that it is the whole karma thing catching up with me.  I took the day off to play hooky, so the world is making sure that I can’t do anything but sit here.  The bad news is that I have vertigo, the good news is that I really can’t go to work today.

Like being drunk without drinking anything and being totally cognizant of everything that is going on, but moving your head and having the swoops.

I’m pretty much convinced I’m having a breakdown.

A two-year-old is like having a blender, But you don’t have a top for it.

Let’s do some comments from the website, shall we?

Bill

Leah omitted one “Master/Slave” relationship. I am thinking of hard drives on a computer. OR, is “Hard Drive” sexist? I’m confused.
Thanks for all the great entertainment. Keep up the good work.
Bill G.

Bill, I was going to answer this, but  …

Leah D.

In reply to Bill.

Bill, “Hard Drive”, isn’t sexist, it’s SEXY!

Um … most of the IT folks I know wouldn’t … you know what … never mind.

Bob

I guess there will be no more Master Sgt’s or Master Chiefs in the military.

Bob, I’d say that I couldn’t see that happening, but it seems like I read something not too long ago about the Navy changing the names of all job titles and removing the word “man” so no more seaman, yeoman, ordnanceman, radioman, etc.  So, is it that far of a stretch to say that there won’t be any masters either.  It’s stupidity on a stick.

So, we’re here, let’s finish off the mail.

Ted K

Absolutely the best site bar-none. Appreciate it very much!

Thank you very, very much Ted and thank you very much for the donation!  Much appreciated.  Words of appreciation are the impetus I need to keep me doing this admittedly arduous task.  (them sure are purdy words … ) Nah!  I do it because I LOVE IT!  Thanks so much!

joecaller

Sir Impish,

I start smiling as soon as I see a new issue appear in my inbox. Don’t even have to open it to cheer me up. I know it will be a great issue and have me chuckling the rest of the day. You deserve time off but we all miss you!

…Joe in NJ

Ah, Joe … a fellow Jerseyite, were it really time off?  It is time off from this which I love to work, which … okay, which I also love, but I am beginning to dislike because of ignorant people doing stupid things in our country.  If I take time off from my job, which pays the bills, by the way, to work on this which I love … I need to be independently wealthy so I can do whatever I want to do and can sit here and entertain you guys all day long … ahhhh … wouldn’t THAT be the life!  Maybe I could hit the lottery… or have a rich uncle dragon leave me … nah … first of all, I’d have to PLAY the lottery, which I don’t (at least, not since Lethal passed) and second, rich dragons don’t leave anything to anyone.  They get slain by groups of adventurers and their hoard of gold gets plundered, so … sigh.  I guess we’re stuck with the scheme that we have.  But thanks Joe.  I truly and deeply appreciate your very kind words.  It’s why I do what I do.

So now … let’s do some of this …

I’m so going to hell

Yes, that one is an Impish Dragon Original

And that was a terrible pun

One time I debated a flat earthier.

He got so mad that he stormed off saying that he would walk to the edge of the earth just to prove me wrong. He’ll come around eventually.

Scientist have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

What’s the difference between jam and jelly?

I have never been caught in a traffic Jelly.

What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?

A shoe!        (say it out loud….)

So, for this one you youngsters are going to have to Google the Walrus, Eggman, and the Beatles… and I already gave you too much information.

Let’s see … thinking back on it, I guess I became Anti-Islamic when I saw them chopping off Christian’s heads and burning them alive and chanting death to America.  Yeah, that was probably it.

Did You Know: (This is late in the day) (Hey, I just work Here) That Democrats voted to penalize citizens if they didn’t buy insurance and now they offer it FREE to illegals. (WTF?) LET THAT SINK IN! (When did you get political?) (I’m tired of this shit, too!)

One day many years ago, a fisherman’s wife blessed her husband with twin sons.
They loved the children very much, but couldn’t think of what to name their children.
Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, “Let’s not decide on names right now.  If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact.
When left alone, one of the boys would always turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland.
It didn’t matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. Let’s call the boys Towards and Away, suggested the fisherman.
His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong.  The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, “Boys, it’s time that you learned how to make a living from the sea.”
They provisioned their ship, said their good byes, and set sail for a three-month voyage.
The three months passed quickly for the fisherman’s wife, yet the ship had not returned.
Another three months passed, and still no ship.
Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house.  She recognized him as her husband.
My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?” she cried.
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:
“We were just barely one whole day out to sea when Towards hooked into a great fish.
Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal.
For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship.
He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.”
“Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish.  What a horrible, horrible fish!”
“Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away!”

As the sun sets slowly in the west, and the Dragon sits, with a laptop on his lap and his head spinning slowly … almost drunkenly … without the benefit of alcoholic beverages … we slowly fade to black … until tomorrow my dear friends … until tomorrow.

Cheers. ~ Impish Dragon