Dragon Laffs #1769


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Good Morning Campers,

Vertigo has disappeared, thank God, but because of that, not much to really talk about this morning, so rather than prattle on, I’m just going to jump right into the fun stuff … how does that sound to everyone? 

Any decenters?  Going once … going twice …

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VAPING IS SO WEIRD.  YOU WALK PAST A BUNCH OF HARD ASSES OUTSIDE A BAR AND THEY ALL SMELL LIKE FUCKING STRAWBERRY MUFFINS.

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Getting angry with somebody?  Think before you talk.

If the person is junior to you … count to 10 and then talk.

If the person is equal to you … count to 30 and then talk.

If the person is your senior … count to 50, then talk.

If the person is your wife … keep counting … don’t talk.

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Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.

I must be healthy as a fucking horse!

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It was a little known side of Yoda

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Leah D sent this to me …

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 

(2 Timothy 3:1-7)

When I read that today, I thought these must be the last days.. . I don’t think they were holding auditions?

It’s not the Kings James version I remember (and where is the part about leading captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts- but I digress) but it does seem to describe, quite nicely, our current situation.

2 Timothy 3

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. Okay, that sounds like right now.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy okay, if that doesn’t describe the EVERYTHING that’s going on right now then I’m an Orc’s uncle

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good  Trucebreakers are those that are now going against are police just like despisers of those that are good … same thing, although I don’t know what people that pee their pants  have to do with anything.

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; How many traitors are out there?  How many are jumping on the bandwagon?  How many mayors are throwing their police departments under the bus

And it goes on and on.  I’m not a “religious” person in the normal sense of the word.  Leah and I have had long discussions off line about our beliefs which is why she probably sent me what she sent me.  In a nut shell, I’ve belonged to many different organized religious groups, that I will not go into here for fear of insulting one that you might belong to, but I have found that none of them have been a good fit for blue dragon, so at this point in time, although I consider myself a very religious and Godly person I can’t say that I am a particular religion.  I’m an “Impishist” as in I believe in what Impish believes in.  Anyway, that’s a long way of saying that I’m not going to sit here and preach to you and tell you that this is the end of times or anything like that, I just think that it was a very interesting comparison to what’s going on now to what was written back then.

Moving on. 

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Gee, I wonder why?

Me:  Doctor, it hurts when I go like this.

Doctor:  You’re not doing anything.  You’re just sitting there being alive.

Me:  Exactly

And the lesson boys and girls, is that you don’t ever know what another person is going through, so the best thing is to always give the other person the benefit of the doubt.  It is so much easier to be nice than to be a piece of shit.

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The thing is … this was significant when I saved it … but I’m currently in the middle of a melt down, so don’t hold anything against me.

Okay … I’ve held off, but we’ve got to do this …

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Like George Orwell said, “All the pigs are equal, just some of them are more equal than others.”

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You can change the logo out on that bottom picture to about any of the lam-stream media

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Boy, ain’t THAT the truth!

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But it’s so cute!!!

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And boy, ain’t that the TRUTH!

Me:  [screaming]

You: [screaming]

All of us: [screaming]

Ice Cream Parlor Employee:  I fucking quit!

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I pretend to like people everyday.

It’s called being an adult and it’s why we’re allowed to buy alcohol. 

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oh no

Oh Sweet

Oh_my_god

Oil Change

Ok, who the

Oktoberfest

Old or New

Omen

OMFG

omg

On the right track

One mistake

One more theory

One of those days

One Wish

Onion Booty

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Okay, now I really, really want to know if the sign worked.

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Dove Chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

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I’m always forced to do shit I’m not qualified for.

Like being nice to fucking idiots.

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I have never faked a sarcasm in my life!

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A co-worker said to me, “Could you be any more annoying?”

So the next day I wore tap shoes to work.

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Not a single person asked me if I could run fast in my new shoes today.  Being an adult is stupid.

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And that’s all there is for today dear friends.  May you all be blessed with happiness and health.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1769

  1. Stephanie says:

    Love you man.

  2. Leah D. says:

    Woke with stuffiness and slightly sore throat. Sucking Cold Eeze, my mantra is “It’s only a cold, it;s only a cold”. I strongly suspect it “is only a fire”, because the same storm that whipped the fires in the Salt Lake City area, also brought in cool to cold temperatures. I turned off the AC, opened the window. Could I please only deal with one disaster at a time!

  3. Maggie says:

    Impish
    a great issue,,,, hope you and the family have a WONDERFUL HOLIDAY
    Maggie

  4. Dave says:

    Try the Epley maneuver for your vertigo. Meclizine will usually also help. I sat under a twin gun turret for hours on end and worked in steel fabrication for 35 years. The noises along with getting old didn’t help. Tinnitus AND vertigo. Now, when people tell me I have rocks in my head, they don’t understand why I actually agree with them.

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