Dragon Laffs

Good Morning Campers,

First of all, I’d like to offer my humblest apologies to those of you who, pointed out, and rightfully so, that I missed out on Pearl Harbor Day in my last issue.  I was called out several times in both the comments and in emails.  In my own defense I didn’t really forget as much as I just ran out of time and energy. 

I was also visited by the Ghost of Lethal Leprechaun who told me that I forgot the Marine Corps birthday back on the 10th of November and I can’t quite remember if I had a good excuse for that one or not other than the fact that if falls right adjacent to Veteran’s Day and that was probably enough to cause me to forget.

It should go to show you how friggin’ crazy my life is right now, though.   My last day off was Thanksgiving.  And I think my next one is Christmas. 

Sigh.

So…. accept my apologies and we’ll move on.  Otherwise … well … we’ll move on anyway.

And to top it all off, I just got a phone call with a pre-recorded message from the social security administration saying that an arrest warrant has been issued in my name for fraudulent use of my social security number!  And it even came across my official government cell phone!  Oh my God, what am I going to  … yeah, never mind.  It wasn’t even funny the first half dozen times it happened.  I really wish it was a real person who would call instead of a stupid recorded message.

Anyway … enough with the mea culpas and onward with the laughter!

    

Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital
A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
Furious film fan and part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the ‘Ink It Good’ Tattoo Emporium in Wellgate, Yorkshire last week, to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the  iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur.
Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
“It was a big job in more ways than one”, he told us “I’d just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It’s delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense  a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what’s happening, there’s a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie  bush fire.”
Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.
“To be honest”, said Jason, “I didn’t even realise she was wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe  in there and I’d have been none the wiser.”
Jason and Tracey  were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
“I’m furious” said Jason, “I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow’s not there anymore. I don’t know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more appropriate.  You don’t just let rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous.”
But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant.

“I’m still in agony,” she said, “and  Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn’t have had a fag on the go when he’s doing close up work,  there’s no way I’d guff on purpose. He’d had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course.  My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning, and I’d have done the same for Jason, but I didn’t  get chance – it just quietly crept out.”
Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn’t surprised when we asked him to comment on what had happened.
“People just don’t appreciate the dangers,”  he told us. “We get more call outs to flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now that people have moved  over to oven chips. We have a slogan ‘Flame ‘n fart – keep ’em apart’. Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future. On behalf of the entire Fire and Rescue service, we wish them both a swift recovery.”
You couldn’t make it up!

When an Aussie says, “Just down the road.” It can be anywhere from a block, to a kilometer, to a 3 day drive.  Just down the road.

A man goes to his ophthalmologist for his annual eye exam.

The doctor puts a contraption on his face and asks what he can see.

“I see empty airports, empty football stadiums and malls, ” he says.

“I also see closed theaters, closed bars, closed restaurants.”

“That’s perfect,” says the ophthalmologist.  “You have 2020 vision.”

There are some great travel benefits to being married to a dragon.

I drink coffee because without it, I’m basically a 2 year-old whose blankie is in the washer.

Paraprosdokians

 

First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Sir Winston Churchill loved them)

 

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

 

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you …but it’s still on my list.

 

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

 

5. We never really grow up — we only learn how to act in public.

 

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

 

7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 

9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

 

10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of an emergency, notify…” I answered “a doctor.

 

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

 

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

 

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

 

15. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

16. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

 

17. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find someone older than me.

 

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where Bozo Joseph Castellano walked into a Dunkin’ Donuts wearing a jacket with his name on it and carrying a fake pistol. He shoved the gun in the clerk’s face and demanded money. When the clerk started crying, the bozo tried to calm her down by showing her the gun was fake. He then said to forget about the money, just give him a cup of coffee to go, which the waitress did. The bozo then walked out of the Dunkin’ Donuts and right into his home, which was only two doors away. He was enjoying his cup of coffee when police arrived.

Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.’

The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, I sure am!’

The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?’

The other woman answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’

The first one responds, ‘So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin?’

The other woman says, ‘A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town.’

The first one says, ‘Faith and begorrah it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And what school did ya go to?’

The other woman answers, ‘Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course.’

The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I! Tell me, what year did you graduate?’

The other woman answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’

The first woman exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self!’

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.

Michael asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’

Brian answers, ‘The Murphy twins are drunk again!’

Impish Dragon Family Gathering …

Overheard child singing: “He’s making a list, chicken and rice …”

I almost caught COVID yesterday, but I quickly stood on a social distancing sticker and put an end to that shit.

I ordered a dozen of these for certain “friends” on my Christmas list.

The best part of waking up …

Is still a mystery to me.

I actually met someone the other day who had never watched the movie or read the book … I was both incredibly saddened and jealous.  Saddened because he had missed out on so much and jealous because he had that incredible adventure ahead of him yet … and if you don’t know to which book/movie I am referring to … then you are one lucky bastard.  Go out and get it NOW!!!!!

2014:  Didn’t jog

2015: Didn’t jog

2016:  Didn’t jog

2017:  Didn’t jog

2018:  Didn’t jog

2019:  Didn’t jog

2020:  Still haven’t jogged

This is a running joke.

Now we need one for NFL.  I’ve been working on it, but can only come up with a couple.  Natural Fucking Liar
National Fucking Loafer
None Fucking Looking
But I really don’t like any of those … so … mission for the class.

And if you don’t get that one … you’re too friggin’ young!!!

TAKEN FROM ACTUAL RESUMES…
“Personal: I’m married with 9 children. I don’t require prescription drugs.
“I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
“Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I’m a class act and do not come cheap.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
“Number of dependents: 40.”
“Marital Status: Often. Children: Various.”
“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn’t work under those conditions.”
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate – especially when the task is unpleasant.”
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening.
After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, “You see, it IS vanishing cream!”

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed the issue.  I hope I have time to give you a Saturday issue.  I’m working AGAIN this weekend.  I know, right?  Anyway, my love you to you all.

Cheers!

Impish

Good Morning Campers,

I don’t remember why I used this header originally, but I like it so I figure it’s a good enough reason to use it again.  It is an awesome looking picture and the lair of the Dragon Queen is a demonically majestic affair … and a bitch to keep clean … but that is a story for another time.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who wrote in and told me it was quite alright for me to get some sleep.  I appreciate it and will copy you hear with some of the better ones further in this issue.

In the meantime, I think it best to just get to the laughter, don’t you?

 

Heaven forbid!  Don’t do that!!!

Why do celebrities always say they are moving to Canada?  What’s the matter with Mexico?  Are they racists?

Watching my daughter at the park earlier.  Another parent asked, “Which one’s yours?”  Just for fun I said, “I’m still choosing.” She looked horrified.

I’m sick of numbers defining me.  My GPA, My weight, My First Degree Murder Convictions, My Grades.  These things aren’t who I am!

I really, REALLY like this one:
Whatever you’re doing today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman T-Shirt!

2020: I’m not adding this year to my age.  I didn’t use it.

Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair.

I’ve heard nothing since.

I have, as a former bomb loader, loaded bombs with messages on them, faces on them, pictures on them, personalized directions on them, and other things on them.  So, this particular picture, although not one of mine, still brings back fond memories.

Thank you Lynn, for this next one and I agree with you 100% that it should be shared over and over and over again:

 

After you turn 50 years old:  You can’t recognize letters up close, but you can recognize idiots from far away.

Although … this one is from Lynn too: 

Anybody have an owners manual for a husband?  Mine’s making a whining sound.

I really only included that joke for the Jameson reference, for it is indeed the Nectar of the Gods.  Otherwise, it’s a pretty old joke.

Leah D. writes: 

When I saw this, I got a big laugh out of it, and I thought of what you wrote in the message you sent today.

EXACTLY!!!!

And now is a good time to show you the comments from our loving campers:

Aussie Peter

HANG IN THERE MATE, WE’LL WAIT. AUSSIE PETE.

Joe L

thank you for the quick note. but……your sleep is always more important than letting us know. if you don’t take care of yourself, we don’t get any laffs! sleep well and may your body be revitalized!!

Thanks guys!  I appreciate your concern.  Truly.

nogardcimsoc

If dragons don’t get their proper sleep, they turn really vicious. Can’t be having that. Sleep well, Impish.

Donnie G

Get your sleep, Impish. Can’t be having sleep-deprived, cranky dragons flying about, wreaking havoc, causing chaos, devouring virgins, destroying civilization, (wait, is THIS was 2020 has been all about?!? Sleep deprived dragons?)

Don’t be blaming this shit on me and my mates!   Well, the devouring virgins part maybe, …. But none of the rest of that nonsense!!!

Well, now it’s Sunday night and I’m running out of time for this for Monday.  It’s been a lousy weekend with work.  I’ve had like zero time to do anything else.  So … Happy Holidays!!!!

Yeah, right!

We gotta laugh folks!  Cause this sucks.

Okay, I’m printing this next one as a public service for so many of you guys out there … I think I’ve gotten it from 20 or 30 of you, plus I’ve gotten it from about a dozen people who aren’t even Dragon Laffs readers.  So here it is… as a public service announcement:

Those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive.

It’s just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Now … all of you anxiety ridden people can settle down … just do like I do and ignore all of it… or shoot first.

People think I’m crazy because I talk to my dogs.  What am I supposed to do?  Just ignore them when they ask me a question?

Quite frankly, the “F” word can be the ONLY word in the English language that accurately describes some situations.

The word is “FEAR” of course!  What in world were you thinking?  Sometimes I truly worry about you!

Wise Advice from a Farmer’s Wife

Whenever you return a borrowed pie pan, make sure it’s got a warm pie in it.

Invite lots of folks to supper. You can always add more water to the soup.

There’s no such thing as a woman’s work on a farm. There’s just work.

Make home a happy place for the children. Everybody returns to their happy place.

Always keep a small light on in the kitchen window at night.

If your man gets his truck stuck in the field, don’t go in after him. Throw him a rope and pull him out with the tractor.

Keep the kerosene lamp away from the milk cow’s leg.

It’s a whole lot easier to get breakfast from a chicken than a pig.

Always pat the chickens when you take their eggs.

It’s easy to clean an empty house, but hard to live in one.

All children spill milk. Learn to smile and wipe it up.

Homemade’s always better’n store bought.

A tongue’s like a knife. The sharper it is the deeper it cuts.

A good neighbor always knows when to visit and when to leave.

A city dog wants to run out the door, but a country dog stays on the porch ’cause he’s not fenced-in.

Always light birthday candles from the middle outward.

Nothin’ gets the frustrations out better’n splittn’ wood.

The longer dress hem, the more trusting the husband.

Enjoy doing your children’s laundry. Some day they’ll be gone.

You’ll never catch a runnin’ chicken but if you throw seed around the back door you’ll have a skillet full by supper.

Biscuits brown better with a little butter brushed on ’em.

Check your shoelaces before runnin’ to help somebody.

Visit old people who can’t get out. Someday you’ll be one.

The softer you talk, the closer folks’ll listen.

The colder the outhouse, the warmer the bed.

Thanks to John S for this one … if I may say, it’s just fucking perfect:

And I’m afraid that I’ve run out of time and I have to end this here.  My love to you all.  I hope you’ve had a great weekend.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

I do believe that if you look closely, you will be able to detect a certain theme to this morning’s opening.  Yes, indeed, it’s been a rough week.  Exercise on Tuesday that followed along with another scheduled for this weekend while I have classes scheduled, so I’m supposed to be in two places at the same time and it’s December so it’s “Christmas Party” month out on the base for all the reservists.  You ever try to get stuff done while other people are only interested in having a party?  It can be problematic. 

Coffee has kept me alive this week.  Between meetings and exercises and classes and appointments, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.  December is supposed to be a slow month around here and with this stupid COVID nonsense I really expected it to be unusually slow … well, it sure isn’t starting out that way!

So, what do you say we all grab another cup of our favorite morning beverage …

Okay, so that may not be appropriate on a work day, but still, let’s all grab a drink and get started on today’s issue, shall we?

Apparently, putting Alka Seltzer in my mouth, walking into Speedway and shouting, “The virus has mutated!” is not funny.

Okay, so as you now know, this is coming out on Saturday now, not on Thursday … you can see how much progress I’ve made to get it done … which is why it was pushed to Saturday.  LOL!  Thanks to the kind words from those of you who said not to worry about it, … which makes me wonder how much I’m really missed.  There should be tears and wailing and crying and gnashing of teeth, but okay.  I get it.  So, I’ll push on with the rest of the issue and feel sorry for myself that more of you aren’t feeling sorry that you missed an issue.

Sniff!

Sniff!

Yeah…

I know …

I’m full of shit.

So —- on with the laughter?

Bozo criminals for today learned the hard way that if you’re gonna get caught by the border patrol in Juarez, Mexico, you need to have a better excuse than this. Bozo brother and sister Nancy Lee and Terry Lee Alexander were stopped by the guards as they tried to pass over the border between El Paso, Texas and Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. During a routine inspection border guards discovered 550,000 rounds of ammunition in their trunk. Our bozos then complained that they had no idea how they had ended up in Mexico. They said they were traveling from their home in Arkansas to Montana and must have made a wrong turn somewhere. (Didn’t Bugs Bunny always talk about taking a wrong turn in Albuquerque?) The cops detained them and their ammunition.

And from our fellow camper Tom in Oregon, here’s a picture of his buddy …

“Go ahead, piss me off, see what happens!”

I think as you grow older your Christmas list get shorter, because the things you want can’t be bought.

Please keep my family in your thoughts.  We found out that my uncle is addicted to Viagra.  My aunt has been taking it hard.

Discipline at Dragon Laffs Industries takes … unusual turns at times.

And for those of you who have been following along with us and Tom J. who has been telling us about drugs and Oregon … here is a little essay-ish string of stuff from him:

And what the hell is growing old in Oregon like?

 

Well, I guess ya hadda ask. I can only get something similar to what it might look like.

 

AND THEN A FEW YEARS GO BY;

The real truth that I know, is there are no old drug addicts. To them, old is like the 33 year old woman you see above.

They sell their child support money and food stamps to buy drugs that are now legal but it’s against the law to have a beer

At the neighborhood tavern.

 

So, there is a huge difference between blowing a joint and a meth or cocaine or some other addiction.  All the states approving the sales of pot has not gone unnoticed from my high mountains.  And I can’t say that I disapprove and perhaps that is because of my own personal medicinal benefits with my arthritis.  Some of you may agree, some of you may disagree.  It’s immaterial to me right now because I work for the government, but once I retire … it will be a different story.  It’s not legal where I live, but I’ll bet it will be some day.  I was a teenager in the 70s … and the bullshit of it being a “gateway” drug is no more true than it is for alcohol.  You may choose to agree or disagree.  These are my opinions…and perhaps, I’ll expand on them someday when I’m not still employed by the government.

Wanna make a car dealer uncomfortable, just say, “Tell me if you can hear this.” Then get in the trunk and start screaming.

I accidently drank invisible ink …

I am now in the hospital waiting to be seen.

Amen Linus!

My wife made me coffee this morning and winked at me when she handed me the cup.  I’ve never been more scared in my life!

Holy crap!  That is one expensive turkey!

I’m not sure if I washed the spider down the drain in my shower or if he took one look at me naked and then leapt willingly to his death.

And the surprising part is … he walks away.

Have we tried throwing a politician into a volcano to appease the virus yet?

Just sayin’ …

And that’s it for today…busy, busy weekend coming.  3 classes, two exercises and craziness abounds.  May your weekend be calm and happy.

Cheers my friends.

Impish

Good Morning Campers,

Due to circumstances beyond my control … the government is working my ass off … Thursday’s issue has now been pushed to Saturday’s issue.  My humblest apologies over this but I gotta get some sleep in here somewhere.

See you on Saturday.

Good Morning Campers,

It is so funny how some things just come around.  We were up in Alpena and we talked about the difference between being inspectors and observers and I said since we were observers we needed to have JAFO hats, referencing, of course, the great movie Blue Thunder.  Well, of course the younger guys were like, huh?  What’s Blue Thunder and what’s a JAFO hat and I think me and one other guy were the only ones who actually remembered …Anyway, I get up this morning (Saturday) turned on the TV and what do I catch from the very beginning? Blue Thunder. And if you are reading this and have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, find the 1983 movie and watch it for yourself.  Especially if you want to figure out what JAFO means.  Okay, maybe if you ask nicely … somewhere in this issue I’ll tell you what JAFO stands for on Daniel Stern’s hat, if you haven’t figured it out for yourself.

The movie was definitely ahead of it’s time.  Extrapolating technology that the military was experimenting with at the time.

Anyway, enough about the serendipitous watching of an old movie we were talking about a couple of weeks ago.  I just thought it was cool.

Now, let’s see if we can help you get through this Monday without too much horrible go on! Shall we?  So, without further ado …

 

Got another e-mail from out buddy Tom J. in Oregon.  You know, where you can’t gather for Thanksgiving but you can buy cocaine.  Here’s what he had to say:

Hello Impish, I first want to say that I hope you and your family had a very happy Thanksgiving and somehow, I’m sure that you did. Our family had a very nice day in spite of the governor’s orders to cancel our plans. This morning I learned that I was not the only Oregonian to tell the governor where she can stuff her turkey. More than 250 people from all over Oregon showed up and had a pot-luck style turkey dinner on the lawn in front of the capital building in Salem. Everyone was welcome, including homeless people who all defied the governors orders. No police showed up to stop the celebration.The cold rain didn’t stop it either!

Some may call it a defiance of the law. I call it justice and knowing the difference between right and wrong. 

I think the brave pioneer who stands on top of our capital building would be proud of us all for standing up against these power drunk liberals!

Tom in Oregon

I think so, too Tom.  Thanks for sharing brother.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado where bozo Mark Haley served on a grand jury which handed down secret indictments against a major drug dealer. Our bozo then got the bright idea of going to the drug dealer and offering to sell him information on the case for $50,000. Guess he must not have been paying very close attention to all of the grand jury proceedings. If he had been, our bozo would have known that an FBI agent had testified that the drug dealer’s house was bugged. He was arrested.

“You’re still a rock star” I whisper to myself as I take my multivitamin and climb  in bed at 9:45.

I wonder how many times we tell ghost stories and the ghosts around us are like, I never said that shit.  He’s not even telling it right!

Took this picture of us on the beach a couple of years ago.

Give up carbs?

Over my bread body!

I heard that internet addiction is now an official mental disorder and you can go to rehab for it.  I’m only going if there is Wi-Fi.

He’s pissed off because his credit card wouldn’t clear and she said that he had to go.

When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I’m a blackjack dealer…

They say that sex is the best form of exercise.  Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but 2 minutes and 15 seconds once every 3 months ain’t going to shift a beer belly.

I will be posting telepathically today.  So if you think of something funny, that was me.

That is just so wrong!!!!

No kidding…every single time it goes off.

Is it wrong to drop drunks off at houses that aren’t theirs?

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife.  But, she figured out I was only after my money.

Let’s do some mail … mostly because I’m not ready to end this issue yet. LOL!

Leah D.

I am nominating Mr Blue Sky to be our celebratory song when covid is gone! Thanks for the mention, I hadn’t heard it or thought of it for so long. I too, am a music fanatic. I swear I could teach some world, definitely US history, just have students come to class and listen to songs.
Like you, I read 350, and thought, no, 325! Don and I were sad the days of 30+ family members would come here for Thanksgiving, were gone. Then we made a great giant leap forward when we discovered our 10 pound turkey (just him and I), was so tender, compared to the 30 pound we used to cook. Like I always say . . There is good in everything!

Thanks Leah.  Yeah, back then music was really music!  Although there is some good music today, it’s not like it was back then when it seemed like every single song was worth listening to. 

We cooked a 22 1/2  lb. Kroger brand (store brand for those of you who don’t have Kroger by you).  It was originally almost $40 for the bird, but because it was on sale for 33¢ a pound it only cost us about $7.50.  I was worried because, you know, what are you going to get for a $7.50 turkey, but it was one of the very best turkeys we’ve ever had.  Tender and juicy.  It practically fell off the bone.   The only problem … the leftovers are now gone (It’s Sunday) I think there is a little stuffing left and some cranberry sauce.

Stephanie

I know what you mean about the price of books. I still purchase a few every year. Stan and I go walking next to a free library a couple of times a week and I exchange many books there.

I’m always impressed when I see the little kiosks with the free books.  Drop one off and take one.  Always in out of the way places that individuals take care of.  It is a wonderful thing, for the love of reading.  It is almost a burden to read as quickly and voraciously as I do. .. to have evolved beyond the printed word (that sounds so pretentious) I remember when I came back from Germany, I had been single, pretty much living in the dorms (I lived off base for a while, but maintained a room in the dorms … long story) there was no real TV to speak of  and before the age of digital reading, one of my room mates at the time, Smitty, read about as much as I did, and we would go to the local Stars and Stripes on base to buy books.  When I shipped back to the states, almost my entire household goods shipment, my entire 650 lb. allotment was paperbacks.  My next assignment was in New Mexico where I was a newly married and very poor young NCO, so I would bring boxes of paperbacks to the used book store in town.  I had so much credit there that I don’t think I ever bought a book the entire four years I was stationed there and probably left with several hundred dollars worth of credit on the books.

Leah D

Now I remember why I like Thanksgiving . . . because I don’t have to cook again for almost a week!

Well, we didn’t make it a week.  But, it sure was a good run!

And on that very important public service announcement, we’re going to call this an issue!  May your Monday be filled with happiness and …. ah, who the hell am I kidding.  I just hope you guys survived.  Oh!  By the by … did you figure out what JAFO stood for?  Did you Google it?  (Yes, that was Google used as a verb)  Did you cheat?  Did you pause in reading Dragon Laffs, rent the movie and watch it to the point where, in a tear inducing moment, Officer Frank Murphy is listening to the recording of Officer Richard Lymangood tell him that he figured out that JAFO stood for … are you ready for it … “Just Another Fucking Observer”. 

So, now it all comes full circle.  You understand now why I thought we should have JAFO hats while we were up in Alpena if all they were going to use us for was Observers.  How funny that was and how serendipitous it was that just a few days later the exact movie from whence the quote came from comes on TV for me to watch, from the beginning.

And that rounds out this issue. 

Love and happiness and peace on earth, good will toward men (and women) to you all.