Dragon Laffs

Impish Dragon’s Trip Update …

There isn’t one, because the trip was cancelled, At the last possible minute.  Which screwed up the last two days and now I didn’t get back home and put things away until late at night and … well, it’s almost time for bed. 

But, I wanted to let you guys know what was going on.

There won’t be an issue for Thursday, but there probably will be for Saturday. 

So … There’s your update

All is well. 

Just so you know.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

Welcome to Monday and a new week.  A week where I’m not sure how many or if I’ll be able to send any issues out because of my trip to Washington D.C.  I will be taking my laptop with me, and will make every effort to keep in touch with you guys, but since I’ve never been to this particular base before … we shall see.

I’m trying really hard to not jump up on my soapbox and scream about all the bullshit that’s going on with our beloved police officers.  These guys are doing things way above and beyond the call and yet they are being vilified at every turn.  And 99% of them are just doing their jobs!  Are they just supposed to watch while one teenager stabs another?  Or let a kid with a guy shoot them at 3 in the morning?  I’ve got one question.  Where the fuck were the parents letting a 13 year old kid out at 3 in the morning with a gun!  Or in the case of the knife, the father was right there!  Why the fuck didn’t he step in and stop it?  No, it’s the cop’s fault. 

Oh, and it’s perfectly fine for Maxine Waters to incite people to riot and not even mince words about it, but they impeached President Trump with far less and he told everyone to remain peaceful.  Does anyone else see a difference here?

I’m tired of the bullshit that’s going on in my country.

But now I want to talk to you about something much more important!  Some folks that are doing something really important in the world and supporting our troops.  Something that I’d like to see us, as a Dragon Laffs community, support  in some small way.  Let me show you guys.

 

Combat Cookies, from their own words, is a veteran owned and operated non-profit organization that bakes and ships fresh from the oven cookies to U.S. military members who are deployed overseas.  Being away from the comforts of home can be emotionally challenging.  Sending cookies is one way to bring the feeling of home to a deployed military member.  Here is there website: https://www.combatcookies.org/  and it is an AWESOME website!  Now, let’s talk about what their short mission statement doesn’t say.  This is a family business by an Air Force Family that have been deployed themselves many times.  They understand what it means to be away from home, away from family, and what a little chunk of home loving means when it shows up in the mail. 

I met Brandi, the lady who runs this organization, and she handed me her card, and I’ve since gone on line and checked out their whole website.  There are some fantastic pictures of GIs getting cookies and some awesome stuff.  They have some really great cookie names like: The Cody Cookie, Mad Dog Mint Chip, and … well, I’ll let you find the rest of them on the web site, but each one is very special, has it’s own page and story behind it.  But, I have to warn you, have tissues handy, because some of the stories are quite touching.  There are even treats for the K-9s!  And the picture of the dog watching the oven is priceless!  And if you want to see it you have to go to the website, no spoilers here!

Now, my campers, I’m counting on you to go out there and not only check out their website, but do me a personal favor and drop a buck or two on them in the name of dragon laffs.  I’m going to do that myself right now.  And ….. done!  Really easy to do.  I did it through PayPal, but they’ve got it set up with many different venues, so you can help in many different ways.  It’s a great charity, so why not drop a buck or two.  You great campers have helped me out, so now let’s help out some real heroes.

Now …. on to the laughter!

“The Irish have a drinking problem!”

FALSE!

Drinking is only a problem if you’re not good at it.

I can make Irish jokes because I married into an Irish family … besides, Lethal Leprechaun is smiling down at me from Heaven.

Okay, I like bacon as much as, if not more so than the next dragon, but that still sounds DISGUSTING!!!!

God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t take over the world.

So far, so good.

“If I only wanted one drink, I’d go to communion.” ~ My Dad

Funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible …

But 8 beers and 7 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Hot town, summer in the city
Back of my neck getting dirty and gritty
Been down, isn’t it a pity?
Doesn’t seem to be a shadow in the city
All around, people looking half dead
Walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head

Once I’ve had my coffee, I can use my big words.

Before coffee, I mostly use the ones with four letters.

Hyphenated

Non-hyphenated.

The irony.

Home Sweet Home

Cable Repairman was on the street and asked me what time it was.

I told him between 8 am and 1 pm.

This one from a woman called Sweet Momissa: I told my son he needed to clean his room and he said, “maybe later, I have a headache.”  I told hem that was no excuse and heard my husband snort laugh from three rooms away.

To the lady who flipped me off when I honked at you:  Your phone probably isn’t on top of your car anymore…

I hate it when I am having a perfectly normal conversation and my brain latches onto something said and makes it dirty and I have to stand there and not giggle.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve.

In 1872, Russia sold Alaska to the Unites States for about 2 cents per acre.

BLM is trying to say if someone breaks into your house and you shoot them, you value your stuff over their life.

I say, “If you break into my house, YOU value my stuff over YOUR life.”

Any questions?

Have you ever been so offended at something that you thought: “Man, I need to steal a flat screen TV right now?”

No, me neither.

Nancy Pelosi’s latest demands are that she wants her sister’s ruby slippers returned and vacation pay for the flying monkeys.

Okay, and that’s it for today my friends.  Keep watching this space for updates from the East…don’t forget to check out Combat Cookies.  Click on their logo or right here:https://www.combatcookies.org/

 And in the meantime, keep smiling, keep loving, and keep coming back for more.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

There are so many things to talk about this morning.  Sorry I missed Thursday, but I did warn you of that distinct possibility.  It’s been a tough week in the Dragon household and it’s going to get tougher before it gets easier.  Let me tell you about what’s going on in the immediate future.  First of all, we got Mrs. Dragon’s first test results back and there was something there.  They’re not sure what’s there, but something is there, so she went back in this morning for more tests.  This morning being Friday, so guess what?  Yup, more waiting on more test results.

I’m teaching this weekend, but only on Saturday, so I’ll have at least Sunday off to spend with my girls before I get to leave for a week for lovely Washington D.C. where I will spend a week at Andrews AFB helping them with an exercise.  Now, this is both good news/bad news kind of thing.  This is NOT a good time for me to go right now what with waiting for test results and what-not, but at the same time, even though I was born and raised in New Jersey, which is actually fairly close to Washington D.C., I’ve never been there.  But with all the absolute bullshit that’s going in there right now, I can’t say for sure that I won’t get there and throw rotten tomatoes at the White House, Capital Building, etc.  But, it is someplace that I’ve always wanted to see, so that will be cool.

I am going to take my laptop and try to put out an issue or two while I’m there, but … well, you know how that goes.  I try to do the best for you guys that I can, but life is really getting tough for me right now.  You guys are really, really high up on my priority list, but sadly, you aren’t quite at the top, no matter how much I love you.

There are a hundred other things that I want to rant about today, but I still have to take my Izzy Dragon to Physical Therapy this afternoon, get ready for my class tomorrow and still try to put this issue out for you for tomorrow.

I know, I know… I’m a great guy.  But, before you laud all those great comments on me …. let’s laugh instead, shall we.

Special thanks to Dan T for sending this one:

I think they got a pretty good rendition of me, don’t you?

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll

Breaking News!  Man gets hit by rental car.  Said it Hertz.

Did you hear that Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick?  It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.  She explained, “The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”

That’s wrong, on so many levels.  Do they not have someone who reads these things before they put them out?

Once upon a time there was a kind a loving dragon who wrote an ezine for all his friends …

An editor or a proof reader somewhere?

I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

How the hell am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

That’s a really good question …

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Yes, I know they are bad … not my fault.  I can only give you guys what I get.

Lance is a very uncommon name nowadays.

But in medieval times, people were called Lance a lot.

“So I sez to da guy, I sez look, if I was to give youse da blue gem and youse was to give me da green gem, den we’d bof haf a gem.  Am I right?”

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Okay, so you’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe next to you and a lion chasing you.  What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel and go home!

“We were having coffee and talking, about politics . . .  which I know nothing about. 

But it’s never stopped me from having an opinion.”

Mark Lowry

Me neither.  ~ Impish Dragon

My favorite kind.

Well, maybe if they moved the damn sign …

I was having a great Friday until I realized it was only Wednesday.

And this person probably votes … democrat would be my guess.

Okay, ran out of time … again.  But at least you guys know I’m alive and well.  I’ll try to put together a real issue for Monday on my day off on Sunday.  Love and happiness to you all.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon

Good Morning Campers,

A real weekend off!  Holy hobgoblin!  An honest to goodness Saturday and Sunday with no work!  And what did I do?  I had my son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids over and spent the entire day on Saturday doing much needed yard work.  The kids worked their asses off!  We burned a lot of brush … a LOT of brush and cut down a couple of trees … little ones.  Then I burned some burgers, brats, and dogs.  In other words, we worked ourselves pretty hard on Saturday … and today is Sunday and by sweet Aunt Sally, we are taking the day of rest!!!

Now, is it restful for me to write to you guys and put together an issue, sorry Sasquatch, an edition of Dragon Laffs together?

Nope.

That definitely falls under the category of fun and entertainment.  If you guys could see me … sitting in my easy chair, laptop on … top of my lap, sitting in my cave, coffee by my side this morning, Jameson this evening … okay perhaps there’s a splash in my coffee this morning, but hey, it’s Sunday, I’ve got no where to go.  So, yup – Definitely fun and entertainment.  If I could figure out a way to make a living doing this, I would quit all my other jobs and do just this for you guys every day. 

Oh well, let’s get to the good stuff, shall we.  Dreaming is a wonderful thing … but still a dream.  So, let’s get on with the laughter.

Racial Profiling:

 

I was standing at the bar of Terminal 4 at BWI  Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer.

 

I asked him, “Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?”

 

He says “No, I don’t. And furthermore, why the hell would you ask me that?  Is it because I’m Chinese?” 

 

“No”, I said, “It’s because you’re drinking my beer, you little prick”

 

 

So … an oldie but goodie.  Made me laugh again, so here it is.

Fish Hooks…

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof’ department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says “Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota .”

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he’d give him a shot, so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. “How many customers bought something from you today?”

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, “One”.

The boss says “Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you’d like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you’re not on the farm anymore, son.”

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), “So, how much was your one sale for?”

The kid looks up at his boss and says “$101,237.65”.

The boss, astonished, says “$101,237.65?!? What the hell did you sell him?”

The kid says, “Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.”

The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?”

The kid said “No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.

This one really intrigued me …

Where would you reset to?  Birth?  What age?  The chance to do it all over again?  The chance to be young again?  Do I get to know what I know now?  If I start off in the exact same way with the exact same knowledge … odds are I’m going to make the exact same decision I made last time … screw that!  But the chance to be young again … But, that would mean I’d not have the chance to finish this one off with my lovely Mrs. Dragon, but I WOULD have the chance to do it all over again … wow, what a choice…. what would YOU do?

When I was younger $20 felt like $100, now $20 feels like $1.

A trucker’s wife sees three parrots for sale.  $170, $150, and $10.  She asks why the last parrot is so cheap?

The pet store owner said it used to live in a whore house..

The woman laughs and buys it.

She gets home and the parrot says, “Wow, a new whore house!”

The woman laughs …

When her two daughters get home, the parrot says, “Dang, two new girls!”

They all laugh …

When her husband walks in the door the parrot says, “Hi Joe!  You found the new spot!”

And … that’s how the fight started.

It’s time to party!

For anyone one thinking about retiring or relocating.

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

 

1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.

2. You’ve experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.

6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

 

OR

 

You can retire to California where…

 

1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

 

OR

 

You can retire to New York City where…

 

1. You say, “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is “nature.”

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.

5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression

 

OR

 

You can retire to Minnesota where…

 

1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.

3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

6. The highest level of criticism is “He is different,” “She is different,” or “It was different!”

 

OR

 

You can retire to The Deep South where…

 

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.

3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either: “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder. ”

6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say “Bless his heart” at the end!

 

OR

 

You can move to Colorado where…

 

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

 

OR

 

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where…

 

1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition; “Where’s my coat at?”

 

OR

 

FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where…

 

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind – even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Hell yeah, I’m ready to party!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spartanburg, South Carolina, where the cops responded to a 1:10 AM call of a naked man. Sure enough, upon arrival, they found Bozo Michael Bennett strolling naked down the street with a clear plastic bag covering his genitals and smoking a blunt. After initially trying to run from the cops, he then decided to offer up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told officers that he had cheated on his wife and and his penance was to do a “walk of shame” to try to get out of the doghouse. Don’t know if that worked, but it did put him in the jailhouse. He’s been charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, marijuana possession, and resisting police.

There’s a town in Washington with treetop bridges made specifically to help squirrels cross the street

If you’re going to be a smart-ass – first you have to be smart, otherwise you’re just an ass.

Whoever came up with the word dentures really missed the opportunity to call them “substitooths”

Not much today … but that won’t stop us!!!

A LITTLE HISTORY

In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control: From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

In 1911, Turkey established gun control: From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Germany established gun control in 1938: From 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.

China established gun control in 1935: From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Guatemala established gun control in 1964: From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Uganda established gun control in 1970: From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

Cambodia established gun control in 1956: From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.

56 million defenseless people were rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control.

You won’t see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information.

Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens.

During WW II, the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED!

Gun owners in the USA are the largest armed forces in the World and every Tyrannical Dictator and Nutjob Leader wants to disarm that threat……including our own Liberals, Democrats and Leaders in our own Government!

It’s been a work in progress for a number of years, the dumbing down and brainwashing of our population. Joseph Goebbels would be jealous and proud of the methods and results of the propaganda that has been disseminated by the leaders, in all walks of our society, and embraced by such a large part of our non-thinking population.

To be fair, 286 of those were democrats sticking their heads too far up their own asses……  ~ Pete

Kudos to Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines for refusing to turn away evacuees from the St. Martin’s volcano unless they’re vaccinated for COVID-19.
Yes, the government actually told people that they can’t get on a cruise ship to escape an erupting volcano if they haven’t been vaccinated yet. If you’re looking for a perfect illustration of how power-mad and irrational the people creating and enforcing COVID regulations have become, there it is. It’s about time people lifted their brainwashed, frightened heads out of the sand pile of government and corporate propaganda, lies and misinformation and stared thinking with the reasoning that God so must have rationed to them.

You have got to be kidding me!!!! Over a virus that has a half a percent fatality rate!  You people are driving me nuts!!!

And that’s it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  Busy week for me this week, so Thursday is unsure…but we’ll see what happens.

Love and happiness to you all.

Good Morning Campers,

Well, today is Thursday and it caught up with me …  had a truly crappy nights sleep … or lack of sleep, as the case may be, woke up this morning in really crappy shape at about 0400 and that was it.  So, I took the easy way out and called off today and decided to … after several cups of coffee … to spend part of my day with you guys, so here I am.

It really sucks getting older.  My mind is sharper than it’s ever been, I’m wiser and smarter than I’ve ever been, and it’s all housed in a body that’s falling apart at the seams.  It sucks.

Okay, so enough with the mental flossing and more with the laughter.

People on House Hunters are always saying that they need room to entertain and guest bedrooms so family can visit.

I need a moat filled with gators.

I feel like Willie Nelson’s been the same age my whole life.

John F. Kennedy is the only U.S. president to receive a Purple Heart. Lieutenant Kennedy, who served in the Navy during World War II, injured his back when a Japanese destroyer collided with his patrol torpedo boat near the Solomon Islands. As his boat sank, Kennedy refused to let his injury stop him from towing a badly burned crew member to safety. In what is perhaps the most enduring image of his heroism in the South Pacific, Kennedy swam with the man’s life jacket strap clenched between his teeth for four to five hours before reaching an island and bringing the man safely to shore. He then, while injured, kept his men safe, evading capture and led them off the island to safety all the while displaying acts of courage without regard to his own personal well being. President John F. Kennedy’s actions of bravery, heroism and leadership earned him the respect and admiration of a nation and helped him win the Presidency in 1960.

On the other hand…..Joe Biden sniffed kids……

The Kitty Hawk (NC) Police Department posted an image of the front pocket of a pair of denim jeans on its Facebook page accompanied by some “advice” for citizens about their pants.

The post read, “We at the Kitty Hawk Police Department understand that some of North Carolina’s laws may be confusing. We also understand that educating you about the laws when you are being placed into handcuffs may be a little untimely. We thought if we could avoid more paperwork, and you could avoid going to jail, we both win. So, we have decided to post periodic educational messages on how to avoid going to jail. Here is the first of many to come.”

The post continued, “Prior to wearing someone else’s pants, please remove all drugs, drug paraphernalia, stolen goods or any other illegal items the ‘owner’ of the pants may have left behind. ‘These are not my pants’ is not an affirmative defense. Glad we could help.”

The post concluded, “Disclaimer: We are not attorneys nor non-attorney spokespersons and this message is not intended as legal advice. Please speak to an actual attorney prior to wearing someone else’s pants with drug filled pockets.”

Sometimes it’s nice to just hang with a friend and relax

Douglas Kelly suspected that the drugs he illegally bought and subsequently consumed were not what he had bargained for. So he did what seemed logical (to him). He called the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office, asking them to test the drugs so he could press charges against the person who sold them to him, according to CNN.

Kelly contacted the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office and said he purchased methamphetamine about a week earlier and had a “bad reaction” after smoking the narcotic.

Kelly gave deputies samples of the “clear, crystallized substance” for testing.

The substance field-tested positive for methamphetamine, the drug Kelly intended to purchase.

Kelly was arrested and charged with possession of methamphetamine. He was walked to the Putnam County Jail and held on $5,000 bond.

“In an effort to ensure the quality of the drug the suspect purchased, detectives told Kelly if he came to the sheriff’s office they could test the narcotic he purchased,” the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office wrote on Facebook.

“Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase,” the Facebook post concluded.

Baltimore County Police say two men robbed an area pub while officers were holding a retirement party Tuesday.

The masked men entered Monaghan’s Pub in Baltimore — which is across the street from a police station — around 5:30 p.m., pointed a gun at the cashier and demanded money from the register, police say.

But the robbers didn’t know about a Baltimore County PD sergeant’s retirement party in another room of the pub.

Officers attending the party were informed of the robbery, and they chased down two suspects.

Police charged Joseph McInnis III, 21, and Tyree McCoy, 22, with armed robbery and theft, among other offenses, Fox News reports.

Have you ever wanted to know what the REAL Santa Castle looked like at the North Pole.

Before they start trying to change country music because of racial slurs, maybe someone should deal with “rap” …

Perhaps they should look at forgiving medical debt for cancer patients instead of student loans.  Education is a choice, cancer is not.  And making stupid choices about paying it back and taking loans beyond your means is your CHOICE.  Or any medical debt for that matter. 

I think that is a great idea!  You want to make a real difference for people who can really use the help, who can’t help where they ended up?  THAT’S the way to go!

Common Sense is so rare these days it should be considered a super power.

You guys need to watch this.  It’s very well done.  It was sent in by Brother Sasquatch and it’s called “It’s Just A Mask”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXUtsft0Z74

And the really scary part is … it’s from July of last year!

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File. From Cookstown, Ireland comes Bozo Michael Coulter who was arrested for shoplifting shoes, socks and boxer shorts from a department store. This Bozo violated the first rule of a successful shoplifter–be inconspicuous. You see, our Bozo is perhaps the tallest man in all of Ireland-at seven feet five inches tall. He attracted quite a bit of attention as he tried to stuff the shorts and socks into his pants.

Okay, so weird morning.  Woke up this morning to the news of the shooting at the FedEx facility in Indianapolis.  Well, the Whelpling (my son) drives for FedEx as one of the Warehouse to Warehouse drivers, not the door to door drivers, and that particular location is one of his stops.  So, waking up to find out this had gone on last night was a bit … startling.  I didn’t worry THAT much because of the time it was supposed to have taken place he was NORMALLY home.  Very rarely did he work that late and if he DID work that late, odds were that he wouldn’t have been at that one location out of the many stops that he has …

BUT ….

It is still worrisome until you hear from your kid.  But, I had just finished reading the overnight alerts that I got on my work phone and went to the news articles that had a little more information.  Was reaching for my phone to call him myself when the phone rang and it was him.  His first words were not “hi” or anything like that.  His first words were, “I wasn’t there and I’m fine.”  And then we talked.

Which is a good thing because I’ve gotten a dozen phone calls from family and friends who know who he works for making sure he’s okay.

They still don’t know why, but I’m waiting to find out.

There have been way too many shootings, assaults and violence lately.  So yeah, let’s defund the police.  That’s exactly what we need to do.  One of the things that I did pick up on with the whole FedEx thing … as an Emergency Manager … that could have helped immensely in the mitigation of this whole thing.  (And I’m sorry, I can’t help but think this way).  First of all, nobody on the Warehouse floor was allowed to have cellphones.  That means that at least, the cops were called slower than they could have been and that someone inside who could have helped the cops by communicating from the inside couldn’t because they didn’t have their phones.  That’s a little shitty to keep their employees busy and not let them take emergency calls from their families and stuff so they take their phones away?  That’s the same crap that Amazon does.  Isn’t that a bit over the top?

And the second thing that I notice and the same thing that I’ve noticed in a bunch of other places where active shooter situations have taken place is that a couple of people who are also armed could go a long way to shutting these things down a lot faster than waiting on the cops to show up.  This one was 8 people dead and 60 wounded.  I’m willing to bet that a couple of people armed and knowing how to shoot, could have cut that WAY down.

Just my opinion … but it is a professional opinion…I have been doing this for a while now.

I am Politically Incorrect.  And I am unapologetically so!  I’m so sick and tired of the bullshit and more importantly, I am flabbergasted that more people out there aren’t.  Ted says it very nicely when he wrote to me the other day: 

I think this pretty much sums up how I feel about the whole deal. So if you don’t think the elitist have a plan to destroy everything we hold dear to our hearts then keep your eyes closed, keep listening to the BULL SHIT the media is shoveling down your throats and keep wearing a mask while you take a walk outside.  

I’ll put some of the quotes he’s talking about amongst the memes that are coming up soon, but he’s right … just like the video earlier from the joker character … we’ve let the government convince us to do whatever they tell us to do, get an unproven vaccine for a  virus that has a 0.5% lethality rate!  Where a mask when you are taking a walk, by yourself, outside … near no one! 

Why have we allowed ourselves to become blind turnips?

There are none so blind as those who refuse to see.

 

Not one politician has lost their job from the virus or had their business looted.

Or missed a haircut.

Or wears a mask, unless on camera.

Y’all know you’re being played, right?

Remember how we panicked when we couldn’t find any toilet paper?

What are we going to do when we can’t find a cop?

NYC just defunded the very people that ran into the burning Towers on 9/11.

Think about that!

For the first time in American history, American history is no longer allowed in America.

As for the mobs tearing down America’s monuments, I would like to know why we are letting them.

Nothing says “Unity” like playing a separate National Anthem for black people and white people at NFL games.

If you still think that this is about Democrats vs. Republicans … it’s not.  The battle is about Progressive Socialism vs. The Republic of the United States of America.

Liberal Privilege:

1.  Believing you have the right to control other people’s lives.

2.  Believing you have the right to never hear other people’s opinions.

3.  Believing that there are two sets of rules: one for you and one for everyone else.

Oprah’s special begins with, “What you WHITE people need to understand …”  Now, just for a minute, I want you to picture anybody of your choice standing up and saying, “What you BLACK people need to understand …” The country would come unglued with how racist that would be.  You know what Oprah?  It’s just as fucking racist the way you say it!

This entire “Presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Wife:  I am not talking to you.

Me:  Ok

Wife:  Don’t you want to know the reason?

Me:  No, I respect and trust your decision.

There is enough water in Lake Superior to cover all of North and South America in one foot of liquid.

You can’t blame anyone else if you fall in your driveway … That’s your own asphalt.

Some people wake up feeling like a million dollars …

I wake up feeling like “insufficient funds.”

The Bozo Criminals for this morning come from the International File. From Warsaw, Poland come three Bozos who were also good Samaritans. The Bozos broke into an apartment where they found a pregnant woman ready to give birth. Wanting to to the right thing, the thieves took the woman to the hospital. That was the good Samaritan part. Now the Bozo part: The thieves then returned to the woman’s apartment to complete the burglary. The woman told the hospital staff how she got to the hospital and a quick thinking nurse called the police, who went to the apartment and caught the Bozos in the act.

Would you young people PLEASE learn that rule!

Leah D

Dragon Laffs #1884

Darts . . . Voodoo Dolls
There’s a problem solving connection there somewhere.

Okay, so that cracked me up, Leah!  I have a plan….

I’ve had that exact same reply…

And here’s one from Aussie Peter:

A  ‘MUST KNOW’   ITEM

If you say  ‘WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED’

really fast,  it sounds like

‘WELL I’LL BE FUCKED’   in an Irish accent.

And that is going to end today’s issue my friends.  I hope this one was a bit better than most of them have been lately.  My love and happiness wishes to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon