Thanks to all the sympathetic messages and emails I’ve received concerning my upcoming wedding anniversary.  Thanks you guys.  You’re the best.  But, let’s put that to the side for the second.  

For the rest of you, we won’t be doing our annual charity push until end of August through the middle of September.  You can start saving one cup of coffee a week now to save up, lol.

Now, I swore I wasn’t going to talk about this, but it’s ALL over the news and it’s pissing me off.  The whole abortion thing with the Supreme Court.  First of all, the Supreme Court just returned the Abortion ruling to the States, WHERE IT BELONGED IN THE FIRST PLACE.  The Federal Government has WAY TOO MUCH CONTROL of things it has no right to have control of.  The ONLY thing it is supposed to control is protection of the country (hence the United States military) and interstate commerce or some such.  THAT’S IT!!

Now, if you want to talk about the fact that the States are screwing up the abortion problem then I’ll agree with you 100%.  It is unbelievable to me that a little 10 year old girl in Ohio can be raped and can be denied an abortion.  I’m anti-abortion except under special circumstances and this would definitely qualify as a special circumstance.  First of all, I would think this would threaten this poor little girl’s life.  Second, SHE WAS RAPED!  And the state of Ohio forces her to go to Indiana to get an abortion.  That is unconscionable!  Shame on you, Ohio.

Shinzu Abe is assassinated with a homemade weapon. 
We’ve lost two actors…James Caan-82 and Tony Sirico-79 (Paulie Walnuts from the Sopranos)
The world is coming apart at the seams and now, more than ever, we need 

So, it’s time to get into the good stuff, so…

I can think of way better things to do by the hour…

She got her looks from her father.  He’s a plastic surgeon. ~ Groucho Marx

Today I went to the toilet without my phone…
There are 112 tiles in the bathroom.

I just ran into Best Buy to get some batteries…
The kid behind the counter asked me for my phone number and zip code…

I told him 867-5309 and 90210.
He never questioned me once.

Friggin’ kids!

All of us waiting impatiently for the next issue of Dragon Laffs to post.

No way in hell!!

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly?
I feel that way about FAR TOO many people!

YOU AND ME BOTH!!

I think it’s adorable they’re putting jokes on the side of snacks now.

Like this one:
Serving size: 3 cookies.

Yup, I saw the same drone.  Thrown by a teacher at a student who was either sleeping, talking, cheating, passing a note, or doing something else they weren’t supposed to do.  Not saying it was me…not saying that at all … although it could have been.

Okay, so it’s an old joke…but it’s a good joke:

Me:  Hi, my name is Matt, and I’m an alcoholic.

AAA Person:  Sir, this is triple A.

Me:  I know.  I’m explaining why my car’s in the lake.

And the annoying part is that it says isles instead of aisles.

“Me and Tommy are here to collect for the newspaper dues.  I know you don’t want to be late and have us have to come back…”

I’ve had that same problem with Jameson.

As opposed to parking one car on top of the other?

Yeah, a lot of you kids have NO IDEA…

I’m doing one of those escape rooms today…

Well, work…I’m going to work.  But, I’m trying to figure out how to get out of it.

Fitness Instructor:  Have you ever done a marathon?

Me:  You mean like on Netflix?

That’s disgusting.

Calm down Mr. Mechanic Guy.  I’m just here for an oil change.  If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I’d turn down the radio.

The cops just left.  They said if I’m gonna walk around the house naked, I have to do it inside.

I just got sacked from my Bingo calling job. 

Apparently saying, “A meal for two with a hairy view” is not the correct way to pronounce 69.

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they’ve never even seen one of his paintings…

I think people who use the wrong wrong word should have the humidity to admit it.

Izzy Dragon and I got into a bit of a discussion today.  She posted something on line that went something like this:  There is not a single thing you need to do to deserve food.  You deserve food because you are an alive person.  

So, I asked her where this food was coming from?  She saw where I was going with my question and she said that, there is plenty of food that grows on trees and bushes and stuff.  

So, I asked her, where around here is there food, that is free to take, that grows on trees and bushes and stuff.  And she told me that we have berries that are growing in our own backyard.  

Yup, this is true.  Go gather me, say a week’s worth of berries for two people from our backyard that will give us the vitamins and proteins and stuff that we will need for that week.  Well, you can’t get protein from berry you need meat for that, don’t you?  

And where are you going to get that meat from?  The government should supply it for us, free.  

And where is the government going to get it from?  From there own government farms.  

There are no government farms.  Then the government can buy the meat from the farmers and then give the meat to us.  

Okay, now we’re getting to it.  And where does the government get the money to buy the meat?  Come on, you got this one.  From taxes that they collect from everyone.  

Everyone except those people that don’t work that you think should be fed also.  So, under your plan, we are basically paying for our own food anyway, except we are also paying to feed the people who are unwilling to contribute to the society who are feeding them.  It’s basically the same way that it works now, except you want us to bring someone else to our table and feed them, too.  Someone who has done absolutely nothing to contribute to our household, to our family, to our wellbeing, but we should invite them to sit down to our table for every meal that we sit down to, treat them like family when they have done nothing to act like family.  Does that seem right to you?  Does that seem fair to you?

I applaud this whole thing the youngsters nowadays have about that education should be free and medical care should be free and food should be free and everyone should be paid a living wage and woulda, coulda, shoulda … blech! 

There are a couple of simple points you children need to understand, so sit down near Uncle Impish’s knees and listen up.  First of all, the government doesn’t produce ANYTHING.  It just takes.  Anything the government gives to you, it has to take from someone else. 

Second, that taking process costs money.  So, if the government wants to give everyone $100, it probably costs them, with everyone they have to pay, and all the bureaucracy involved, $150 per person.

Third, and it’s your money anyway.  You’re the one paying for it!  So, in order for the government to give you $100, somewhere else they are taking $150 from you!  You just don’t notice it.  Free medical, free food, free education — NONE OF IT IS FREE!!!!  The doctors and nurses and teachers and such all still have to be paid by someone!!!  And since the government doesn’t make money, only takes money, FROM US, it’s us who is paying anyway.

So, rather than you and me paying for EVERYONE to go to the doctor, isn’t it better for us to pay as we go?  That way, it’s only the people who need it who pay for it? 

And yes, we can do some things to make it cheaper.  We are spending billions of our dollars EVERY FUCKING YEAR over seas for stupid shit.  Condoms for French camels and shit.  Billions of dollars that goes to other countries that should be staying right here and we should be helping people pay for the really expensive cancer treatment medication and putting homeless veterans into homes.  Men and women who offered to give their very LIVES for our country!!  No, instead we send our money to the very countries who are threatening to behead those same men and women.  

We need to put America first!  And we need to put those Americans who serve America at the front of the line!  Put the damn politicians at the back of the friggin’ line.

Okay, I’ve ranted enough.  I’m just getting myself pissed off.  Let me close with one simple quote.  One that I think hits right to the very heart  of today’s Last Word.  It’s from JFK’s inaugural address on January 20, 1961 and it goes like this:

“Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.”

May love and happiness, peace and prosperity keep you until next time.