It’s Saturday night and I’ve spent the day teaching CBRN Defense Training to Air Force Reservists.  CBRN stands for Chemical, Biological, Radiological, and Nuclear so put that with the Defense Training and you get me teaching men and women how to stay alive in really crappy environments.  The bad part is that I spent 4 hours on my feet on concrete floors and now I’m a bit achy, the good part is that I got to say, “thank you for your service” to yet another group of young people and explain a few facts of life to them.  Definitely the highlight to my day.  But, now I’m really paying for it.  

So, that’s been my day, how are you guys doing? 

I do have the day off tomorrow.  Church in the morning, football in the afternoon with finishing up with this issue involved in there at scattered points.   

So, I got nothing else to say at this point, so let’s get started with the fun stuff.

I think I need glasses because I keep seeing a lot of people with two faces.

Did you know that Bruce Lee has an older and faster brother?

Sudden Lee

Okay, if you don’t see it at first…look again.

I have friends and relatives hiding EVERYWHERE!

All of the Problems are stuck between Mind and Matter.  If you don’t Mind, It doesn’t Matter.

REALLY?

Sometimes, you just have to play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

Once I went to a party with my husband, full of people he knew (from work) but I didn’t.  A guy came up to us, turned to me and said, “You must be his wife.”  I turned to my husband and in my most indignant tone said, “You have a WIFE?”  Should’ve seen the guy’s face!

This is so easy.  #15 for me, every time.

I seriously need to do a better job cleaning up my toys.

Well, it seems as though I haven’t published this enough, so here it is again.  My NEW email address:

This is the best and easiest way to get ahold of me…if I can just remember to keep checking it.  LOL!  But, it’s a real nice email box.  It’s got plenty of room, a nice couch, a view…

Remember when all you had to worry about was figuring out how to skip school and how to hide being drunk from your parents?

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR:

PARTNER IN CRIME

MUST BE FLUENT IN SMART-ASS
SARCASM, AND ADULT LANGUAGE

QUESTIONABLE MORALS AND
NUDITY MAY BE REQUIRED

When a gentleman is interested in a lady he looks at her heart. 

It’s her cleavage that always seems to get in the way.

Can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick.

Seriously, how low can you go?

Not the same as the last “Good Boy”

On her last day, my HR lady printed out an excel list with everyone’s salary on it and left it in the printer tray.

Absolute legend…

And we are supposed to believe that our Federal Investigators are unbiased…

That one really bothers me…was Ayn Rand a modern day Cassandra?

A haiku about being an adult:

I am so tired
Where did all my money go
My back is hurting

There’s no limit to a child’s imagination?  My 2 year old is yelling at me for taking too big of a bite from her pretend sandwich and she can’t make another one because we’re all out of pretend bread.

That is absolutely disgusting

Well, that’s it for another issue my friends.  This is about the last chance to get your name on the great wall of heroes for this year.  Send in a donation to help pay the bills for this website to keep it ad free.  Thanks for all you guys do, every day with sending in your stuff.  Right now I have 1,158 unread emails dating back to August 17th.  That should tell you how prolific you guys are in sending me stuff.  I try like heck to get to them all, so if you are wondering why it’s taking me so long to get to your email…that’s why.  So, here’s the latest copy of the hero wall.

And until next time….

Well, it’s Saturday…again. 

And I’m working…again. 

But the sad part is, that I’ve already taken a day off for working today, so I don’t even have anything to look forward to for working today.

Sigh.

I’m worn out. 

As I’m writing this it’s Thursday evening and I’m having a heck of a time holding my eyes open.  Burning the candle at both ends and in the middle AND trying to hold that sucker up off the ground so it doesn’t start any fires anywhere is starting to drag my dragon butt DOWN!!! 

I actually don’t have anything planned for tonight other than relaxing, writing to you guys, probably taking a nap, and picking Izzy Dragon up after work.  Speaking of which, I better set an alarm so I don’t over sleep and forget her. 

Okay, that’s done.  Now, what do you say we get to some of the laughs, shall we?

There is only so much insanity you can blame on a Full Moon…

Eventually, you have to admit that some people are just Bat Shit Crazy!

You know what the issue is with this world?  Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.

~ Alice in Wonderland

I have question…many, many questions.

“Okay, who wants to play Red Rover, Red Rover?”
“OH!  I Do! I DO!”

Is it still called a Gas Pedal…

on an Electric Car?

They said Noah was crazy.
Then the rain came.
And the fact checkers all drowned.
The End

Yup, that’s EXACTLY what’s wrong in this picture…

Having two incomes is better than one when buying a house so make sure your partner is working two jobs.

Follow me for more real estate advice.

Trick or Treat is a classic on any realm

The farmer was so pleased with his new cornfield that he walked the length of  it, grinning from ear to ear.

I’m taking a Psychoceramic Class and learning a lot about crackpots.

Coincidence?  I think not!

In every relationship there’s the person who falls asleep instantly and the other person who lies awake wondering how that’s even humanly possible.

Not no but HELL NO!

Hard to Believe

A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now the number one hand held device.

The penis has slipped to second place.

What do you call a paternity testing facility here in Indiana?

Hoosier Daddy.

A Guide To Why Everything is Getting More Expensive:

1.  Bastards

2.  There may be other reasons but our research leans mainly towards point #1

Just when I’m on the verge of growing cynical about our society I see an old woman smile and give up her seat for a pregnant man.

“Inflation is just like alcoholism.  In both cases, when you start drinking or when you start printing too much money, the good effects come first.  The bad effects only come later.  That’s why in both cases there’s a strong temptation to overdo it.  To drink too much and to print too much money.  When it comes to the cure, it’s the other way around.  When you stop drinking or when you stop printing money, the bad effects come first and the good effects only come later.” 

~ Milton Friedman (1912-2006)

This one is from a good buddy who wishes, because of this joke, to remain anonymous.  

Question:  What is an Amish woman’s favorite fantasy?
Answer: Two Mennonite!

I never finish anything.  
I have a blackbelt in Partial Arts.

Ghosts like to ride in elevators
because it lifts their spirits.

And that’s it again my friends and fellow campers.  We have a couple new additions to our Heroes wall.  One of which just came through as “Home”.  I really like that as a name or as a nickname I suppose.  Thanks to everyone who has donated this year.

Thank you all very, very much.  May you all be blessed with Love and Happiness until we talk again.

It’s Monday morning and the circus that is the Queen’s funeral is coming to a conclusion.  She was truly loved by her people I suppose.  But boy-oh-boy what an incredible to do it’s been for the past week or so. 

As for us here in Dragon Laffs Land (DLL?) it’s been a good weekend.  Although you guys won’t be reading this until Thursday, you’ll be looking forward to next weekend by then and I’ll be thinking about working next weekend, right now I’m still relaxing from this weekend.  I took today, Monday, off since I will be working next Saturday.  But, I have a lot to look forward to this week.

Tuesday is going to be busy, I have a special meeting I’m going to early in the evening to learn about giving Grief counseling and then immediately afterward I am playing my normal Tuesday night darts. 

Wednesday will be my second ever Grief Group on base and I’m really looking forward to that.  Hopefully we’ll have a few new members.  And then Wednesday evening is Bible Study at church. 

And so far, nothing is scheduled for Thursday…well, except for the normal work and stuff.  I have that every day…just like the rest of you.  And our job is to help you get through your day a little bit easier with laughter and smiles.  So, let’s do that.  

I’d like to offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.

DURING THE DAY I DON’T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS.

At night I become a bit more open-minded.

The best years to be born in the history of Earth
      TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930’s, 40’s and 50’s !!

For those of you who have not seen this yet, something to think about and enjoy!

The best years to be born in the history of Earth & we got to experience it all. Thank God for all the times, the adventures, wars won, technology developed. Generations after future generations will never experience what we did. What a generation we turned out to be.

First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank – While they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.

And we weren’t overweight.  WHY?  Because we were always outside playing..that’s why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we
were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day and we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building our go-karts out of scraps and then ride
them down the hill, only to find out that we forgot about brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo and X-boxes. There were No
video games, No 150 channels on cable, No video movies or DVDs, No
surround-sound or CDs, No cell phones, No personal computers, No
Internet and No chat rooms.  WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and lost teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, ping-pong
paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to
report abuse. We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, 22 rifles for our 12th,
rode horses, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and although we were told it would happen – we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who
didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.  Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of
… they actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.

 The past 60 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
how to deal with it all.

If you are one of those born between 1925 &1955, CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

While you are at it, forward this to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it ?

Come on Harvey, let’s go home.

I found my first grey pubic hair today.  Normally things like this don’t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.

That moment when you have something really important to say but you’re waiting for the person who is talking to stop talking, but when they do, you forget what you were going to say.

I just found out the neighborhood had a meeting about the crazy person on the block.  It’s weird that they didn’t invite me.

Building Dragon Laffs, Inc. of the future.

Some girls don’t like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to factory settings…

There is a husband or a boyfriend who is going to end up in ICU very, very soon.

It’s been a strange day.  First I found a hat full of money.  Then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…

Yes, I’ve used this one before, but it is so clever and so funny that I had to use it again.

Apparently it doesn’t matter if you breastfeed, bottle-feed, or both. 

Either way, your kid still eventually turns into a teenager.

My husband and I both have the common cold.

He’s requested a priest and his family to be by his bedside.

I’ll get right on that as soon as I finish the laundry, wash the dishes and shovel the driveway.

Hey Tony!  Aren’t you upset that your parents named you after two parts of the human body?

Hey WalMart, don’t get pissed at me if I forget to scan something.

You literally gave me zero training before making me a cashier…

Kamala Harris’s speech writer is leaving after 4 months on the job.  Apparently she’s gotta get going to where she’s gotta go because it’s time to keep doing what she’s been doing and that time is everyday.

STUPIDITY BEGETS STUPIDITY

A license is what you get when the Government steals your rights away from you and then sells them back.

Some people will be able to afford Christmas…the same ones who think that everyone should be able to go out and pay $75,000 for an electric car.  Go ahead.  Just run right out and pick one up.  Get two of them, so the little wife can have one, too.
Morons.

And that “someone” overseas that they are paying pennies to is likely to be some poor 12 year-old child working 16 hours a day.

There’s that perfect picture of our new “America Last” policy.

And his dad did nothing to raise him correctly and now we expect him to do something about Russia threatening to use nuclear weapons in Europe?  Are you kidding me?  He’s useless.  He worse than useless.  If he was JUST useless, then we could at least hope he could be worked around, but he is actively working to get in the friggin’ way!  He is doing everything in his almost unlimited power to sabotage this once fine and upstanding country.  This country that used to be the pinnacle of freedom and liberty.  This country that is now the world’s laughing stock.  And it’s all the fault of the Democratic Party.  And if you are reading this and can’t see that, then you are part of the problem. 

Beauty isn’t about having

A Pretty Face.

It’s about having a pretty
mind, a pretty heart, and 
most importantly,

A Beautiful Soul.

I hate small talk.
I wanna talk about atoms, death, aliens, sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, faraway galaxies, the lies you’ve told, your flaws, your favorite scents, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears…. I like people with depth, who speak with emotion from a twisted mind.
I don’t want to know “what’s up”.

I really, really like that.  Falls into the category of…

There is only so much insanity you can blame on a full moon…

Eventually, you have to admit that some people are just Bat Shit Crazy!

Here’s our current list of heroes, as late in the game as it is, we are still getting additions to the list.  And there’s still time for YOU to buy ME a cup of coffee! (No, I’m really not going to explain that again.)  Think about throwing me a couple of bucks for the bills.  This is the only time of the year that I ask and it all goes toward keeping the website ad free.  As soon as I don’t get enough to cover the bills, I know that my time doing this is over and I’ll hang it up, until then…I’ll keep going.  You can donate by hitting the donate button on the website (dragonlaffs.com) towards the top of the right hand column.  
Or you can email me (impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com) and get my snail-mail address and send me something in the mail
Or you can send me something by Zelle through your bank to rem.wydock@sbcglobal.net.

And now for our heroes…

May your days be filled joy and happiness.

Well, good morning to all!  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  I spent Saturday morning with my Grandson.  I would tell you all about it, but it was private time between a Grandpa and his Grandson, but suffice it to say, it was a good morning.  I was pleased with the way it turned out and we will build on our discussion from there.  Since it is now Saturday afternoon, I can’t tell you about the rest of my weekend, but I have plans.  Plans to write to you guys, to work on things for my dart league, go to church tomorrow morning and mow the lawn tomorrow afternoon (memo to self: check weather and make sure it’s not supposed to rain tomorrow afternoon!).  Since I won’t be able to finish this today, I will continue this through tomorrow and have more to talk about as we go through together.

So…should we continue on with another Dragon Rant this morning? 

Jump up on a soapbox and pontificate to the masses?

Is that a resounding NO! that I hear?  You guys don’t want to hear my opinions?  I’m crushed!  Hurt, even.  Well, I’ll wait for a little while.  Get to some laughter first and then let you guys have it … or … um … ahem … give you some of my well-formed and thought-out opinions.  So, for now…

Want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. 

ABBOTT: Good Subject.  Terrible Times.  It’s 5.6%.  

COSTELLO:  That many people are out of work? 

ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.  

COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%.  

ABBOTT:  5.6% Unemployed.  

COSTELLO:  Right 5.6% out of work.  

ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.  

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s  23% unemployed.  

ABBOTT: No, that’s 5.6%.  

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%?  

ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed.  23% are out of work.  

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.  

ABBOTT: No, Biden said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed.  You have to look for work to be unemployed.  

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!  

ABBOTT: No, you miss his point. 

COSTELLO:  What point?  

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work.  It wouldn’t be fair.  

COSTELLO: To whom?  

ABBOTT: The unemployed.  

COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.  

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work.  Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.  

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?  

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!  

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?  

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise, it would be 23%.  

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number.  

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.  

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?  

ABBOTT: Correct.  

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?  

ABBOTT: Bingo.  

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.  

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Democrat.  

COSTELLO:  I don’t even know what the hell I just said!  

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like Biden.  

To My Children:  Never, ever make fun of having to help me with computer stuff!  I had to teach you how to use a spoon!

That is pretty cool…wonder if they make a dragon’s claw…

You know what’s more rare than a unicorn? 

A kid that does something the first time you ask.

Maybe you shouldn’t be ASKING…

HOW TO DRAW A DRAGON:  Quickly and Carefully!

Kids, Cats, and Wives…okay, I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’ else!

When Christmas Gifts really WERE Christmas Gifts!!

What a completely EVIL bit of advertising THIS IS!!!!

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.  “Ha!  That’s not going to help!” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he replied.  “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Wow!  And speaking of evil advertising…

Let’s do some Puns from Lynn…

I’ve always wondered if chickens communicated using foul language.  Maybe only when they’re egg-cited.

 An invisible man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
 
I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture.
But I stand corrected.
 
I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
 
Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
 
I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.
She was in charge of the hops.
 
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
 
My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.
I’m not buying it.
 
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16.
The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
 
I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps.
He gave me a blank stair.
 
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
Suture self.

Do you ever feel like your body’s “Check Engine” light has been on and you’re still driving it like “nah, it’ll be fine”?

“Come in.  Come in.  Let’s talk.  No need to be hostile.  Bring your little knife with you.  Don’t mind the bones of the other thieves who’ve come into my home uninvited.  I’m inviting you in my home…”

As opposed to what kind of ice?

Grandma once said, “Sometimes you have to hug the people you don’t like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard…”

No…please…explain the math in your universe to me please…

Exercise gives you energy but, you need energy to exercise.

Hey!  I know a pyramid scheme when I see one!

You can change your clothes and powder your nose,
But in the end your Maker knows.

A man can’t be a woman, and a woman can’t be a man,
Pretend all you want, but “you am” what “you am.”

This is a pretty cool Ted Talk like thing that you will find very interesting and only lasts about five minutes…how do touch screens really work.

And another video for you…this little 7 year old Anastasila Tiurina “Valenki” Balalaika is AMAZING!!!

THAT IS DISGUSTING!!!

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.

“Did you smell that food?” she asked. “It’s smells absolutely incredible!”

Being a ‘kind-hearted Scotsman’, he thought, “What the hell…, I’ll treat her!”

So, they walked past it again! 

Ain’t that the truth!

Amen!

Men underestimate a silent female.  Once your girl no longer trips over what you’re doing and no longer tries to talk things out, she’s done.  The silence of a female means she has exhausted herself emotionally trying to get you to listen and you didn’t.  Now she no longer cares.

I am so old…I remember when Chuck went upstairs on Happy Days and never came down again.

That is the absolute honest truth.  It matters not how good a parent you are, each and every child has a demon in them somewhere.  Even this next little guy who appears to be an angel.  I’ll bet that water trick gets old really fast at home on the carpet…but watch, just the same because he is a prodigy and you will see him again someday…

I would love to know what year that is from

And that brings another exciting episode of Dragon Laffs … to a close.  Before we go, we need to say thanks to our heroes.  This is it folks.  The very last week to get your name up in lights, to buy me a cup of coffee, to help  with the bills this year, to become a hero to friends and family alike!  The bills come due at the end of this week.  The time has come.  It’s the last chance to help keep Dragon Laffs ad free for another year.  Remember, you can donate simply by clicking on the donate button near the top on the right column on the web page of dragonlaffs.com OR you can write an email to me and I will send you my snail mail address OR you can Zelle me at rem.wydock@sbcglobal.net and I suppose I will be adding VENMO to that since I just today HAD to add VENMO to my accounts because that’s what we are going to be paying our darts fees by this year (sigh!).  (Why can’t everyone just use ONE!  JUST ONE!!  I don’t even care which ONE it is, just pick ONE and everyone use it!!)  Anyway, we’ll see about that one for next time maybe.  I’m trying to work that one out.  Right now, they verified my phone number once and now they are trying to say that my phone number isn’t mine anymore.  So…not looking good for VENMO if they can’t even get THAT worked out right. 

Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by the voices in my head, last chance to donate, etc. But the IMPORTANT part is here’s our heroes!

And I’d like to add to that a 

You guys truly are the best campers a dragon could ask for.  So, until next time, may you be blessed with Love and Happiness, until we meet again.

Okay, I’m trying very, very, VERY hard not to rant.  Hell, I’m trying not to SCREAM at the top of my lungs.  I’m ready to fly to Washington D.C. and fly over head and raze the place!

We paid off trillions of dollars of student loans for stupid people who AGREED to take out these loans.  We, the American tax payers are being FORCED to pay for this. 

We paid trillions of dollars to Ukraine to fight their war.  We, the American tax payers are being FORCED to pay for this. 

We are paying for millions of illegal aliens (ILLEGAL) invading our country that are living off us, getting medical care, housing, food, money, social security, costing us trillions of dollars.  We, the American tax payers are being FORCED to pay for this. 

You KNOW I could go on and on.

But then, BUT THEN, the Secretary of the friggin’ Army has the unbelievable AUDACITY to tell our young soldiers, men and women who VOLUNTARILY have agreed to lay down their very LIVES for the rest of this bloody UNGRATEFUL country, he has the unmitigated GALL to tell them that if they can’t afford to feed their families they should go on food stamps!  OUR MILITARY MEMBERS ON FOOD STAMPS!  AND THAT’S HIS RECOMMENDATION!!!!  I am so far beyond astounded that I don’t have words! 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY?!  These young men and women should be living in luxury!  An E-9, the highest enlisted rank, THE HIGHEST, after 20 years of service, makes $68,000 and can retire on 50% pay.  So his retirement, before taxes is $34,000.  Do you think you can live on $34K a year?  Before taxes?  All this for PUTTING YOU LIFE ON THE LINE FOR 20 YEARS!!!!

Congress can get a FULL retirement with as little as ten years of government service.  And they get paid a hell of a lot more than the military does and not a single one of them is willing to put their life on the line for any of us.  How is any of this fair?

Let them go on Food Stamps?  That’s the answer?  That’s the RIGHT thing to do?  How can you look yourself in the mirror?

It was the same way when I was a young airman, I almost always had a part time job cooking somewhere.  It’s how I became such a world famous cook.  Many of the guys I worked with were on Food Stamps, but it was frowned upon and kept quiet.  Now, it’s the suggestion. 

Okay, time to move on to laughter or I’m going to explode.  

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy.  I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.  Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.  Please don’t be upset…I shall be home before midnight. 

When the Johnny came home late that night he found the following letter on the dining table. 

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old.

As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college.  I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach.  He is young, virile and, like your secretary, 18 years old.  As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow!

The “Grey Haired Brigade”

The typical U.S. household headed by a person aged 65 or older has a net worth 47 times greater than a household headed by someone under 35, according to an analysis of census data released Monday.

They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs.  Some of us are “Baby Boomers” getting ready to retire.  Others have been retired for some time.  We walk a little slower these days, and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were.  We worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God, and have grown old together.  Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true.  But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration.

In school we studied English, history, math, and science, which enabled us to lead America into the technological age.  Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience.  We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes.  For those of you who don’t know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators.  A few even remember when cars were started with a crank.  Yes, we lived those days.

We are probably considered old fashioned and outdated by many.  But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off.  We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam.  We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance and know where to place our hand while doing so.  We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield.  We didn’t fight for the Socialist States of America; we fought for the “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.”  We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag.

We know the words to the “Star Spangled Banner,” “America,” and “America the Beautiful” by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing.  We have lived what many of you have only read in history books, and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America.

Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us.  We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it.  It is our country, and nobody is going to take it away from us.  We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep.  There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.

It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama, and now Biden, and the Democratic Congress.  You fell for the “Hope and Change” which in reality was nothing but “Hype and Lies.”  You youngsters have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face and have found you don’t like it after all.  You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or “Climbing the Social Ladder” to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting.

Many of those who fell for the “Great Lie” in 2008 and 2020 are now having buyer’s remorse.  With all the education we gave you, you didn’t have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the ‘Kool-Aid.’  Now you’re paying the price and complaining about it; no jobs, lost mortgages, higher gasoline prices, higher taxes, inflation, shortages, and less freedom.

This is what you voted for, and this is what you got.  We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty, and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house.

Well, don’t worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, and in the mid-term 2022 and in 2024 elections we are going to take back our nation.  We may drive a little slower than you would like, but we get where we’re going, and in 2022 and 2024 we’re going to the polls by the millions.

This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Adam Schiff, etc.  It belongs to “We the People,” and “We the People” plan to reclaim our land and our freedom.

We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren.

So, the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the “Gray-Haired Brigade.”

Footnote: This is spot on.  I am another Gray-Haired Geezer signing on.  I will circulate this to other Gray-Haired Geezers all over this once great county.

Can you feel the ground shaking???  It’s not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE!

You and I are Members.

Don’t Delete.  Just Read and Pass it on!

Most of the  time I would have deleted the last couple of lines, but because I so much agree with this, because I’m also a Gray-Haired Geezer, and because I know many of you are as well…I decided to leave it in.

The heartburn I get after razing a few villages is overwhelming!

My Neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

Okay, that’s just weird.

FUN FACT:  Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking.

Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.

Grotesque Fire the Clumsy?  (I don’t like this game)

You are indeed a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?

See…us “normal” mythological creatures don’t stand a chance with the women.  They ALWAYS choose the bad-boys.

If I hear even one of you youngsters out there say, “Who’s Mulder and Scully?”  You’re getting kicked out of the Campground so hard and so far, I swear you’ll bounce!

“Excuse me, sir…are you leaving?  Are you done with your bees?  I didn’t …”

Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is right for you.

My wife complained that my life revolving around Facebook has destroyed the way we communicate as a family…

…so I blocked her.

Okay, I came up with a new dating app idea!

You match up with people who are on the same meds as you are on.

We’ll call it “Relationscripts”.

Whoever thinks money doesn’t bring Happiness, transfer it over to my account.

Yes, this next one is an old joke, but it is still funny…

“An Old Biker”….

So an 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in….

The doctor asked, “To what do you attribute your good health?”….

The old timer said, “I’m a biker and that’s why I’m in such good shape”….

“I’m up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, “shootin” sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn”….

The doctor said, “Well, I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”….

The old biker said, “Who said my dad’s dead?”….

The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your dad’s still alive? How old is he?”….

The old biker said, “He’s 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that’s why he’s still alive… he’s a biker too”….

The doctor said, “Well, that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it”…

How about your dad’s dad?….

How old was he when he died?….

The old biker said, “Who said my grandpa’s dead?”….

The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living!”….

“How old is he?”….

The old biker replied, “He’s 117 years old”….

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, “I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?”….

The old timer said, “No… Grandpa couldn’t go this week because he got married”….

The Doctor said in amazement, “Got married!! Good Lord!!!”….

“Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?”….

To this the old biker smiled😁 and answered,

“Who said he wanted to?” ☺️😊

Too much Sugar Preaching leads to Truth Decay!

No.  I’m not going to explain it to you youngsters, I won’t give you any hints.  It’s funny as heck and you need to figure it out on your own.

Really?  It’s not? 

Okay…I can’t help myself…I’ll help you youngsters with the last cartoon anyway…

I can remember being a kid, working in the backyard, and singing that song at the top of my lungs and when I got to the part where they say “oh hell” my mom hollering at me at the back door!  

There was something else I was supposed to talk to you guys about and now I can’t remember what it is…dang…Oh well, we’ll keep going while I try to figure out what it is…

We are living in a generation that would unplug your life support, just to charge their cellphone.

Being white doesn’t make you a racist and being black doesn’t make you a slave, being an idiot however comes in both colors.

I’m laughing my butt off watching the democrats on Martha Vineyard go absolutely CRAZY over 50 illegal aliens being dumped on their front doorstep!  They just called out 100 National Guardsmen to handle these 50 illegals.  They are saying that the Governor of Florida who sent them kidnapped them and all kinds of crap!  Oh, I’m laughing so hard!  But, yet it’s fine for little towns in Texas and Arizona of 2,500 people to deal with thousands of illegals.  That’s just fine.  You pansy hypocrites! CLOSE THE BORDER!!!!  BIDEN IS EVIL!!

You’re welcome.

The Whelpling just sent this one to me…

An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.  The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says, “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!”

The old man replies, “Whoah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.”

The old man dials his son and as he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him and you!” 

The son answers, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”  In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep, ten men jump out and beat the heck out of the expensive car owner. 

Meanwhile, the son walks over to his father and says, “Dad, I train Navy Seals, not dolphins.”

HEY!!!!  
It really ain’t like that.  We stay in really crappy Hotels…I’M KIDDING!!!

I’ve done some terrible things for money…

…like getting up early to go to work.

And Stephanie just sent me this one…

Someone once put up a nameplate in our engineering office:

Nameplate:  Herdaing Katz, Engineering Manager

I have no idea if it was an actual person or not.  I was afraid to ask!

Well, I ran out of room on my Wall, so I had to create a new wall.  I think I got everyone transferred over.  Let’s take a look…

I don’t remember who Blast Specialties, Inc. is.  I do remember that it is an account of one of you guys that you use every year to make donations and I can’t remember who you are.  Sigh.  Okay, moving on.  
We are just about out of time for this year’s donations.  Nine more days from the day you are reading this.  Sept 26 the bill gets paid and I stop asking for money.  Not that you can stop donating.  You guys can donate year round if you want, but my one yearly push ends and I stop talking about money, because I HATE IT!  This is not about the money.  It’s about the fun and the happiness and bringing a little of each into all of our lives a couple times a week.  So, for almost the final time, think about buying me a cup of coffee and for all of you guys, listed above, and I sure hope I didn’t miss anyone…

Thank you guys…until next time.  Love and Happiness to you all.