Dragon Laffs #2077

Okay, I’m trying very, very, VERY hard not to rant.  Hell, I’m trying not to SCREAM at the top of my lungs.  I’m ready to fly to Washington D.C. and fly over head and raze the place!

We paid off trillions of dollars of student loans for stupid people who AGREED to take out these loans.  We, the American tax payers are being FORCED to pay for this. 

We paid trillions of dollars to Ukraine to fight their war.  We, the American tax payers are being FORCED to pay for this. 

We are paying for millions of illegal aliens (ILLEGAL) invading our country that are living off us, getting medical care, housing, food, money, social security, costing us trillions of dollars.  We, the American tax payers are being FORCED to pay for this. 

You KNOW I could go on and on.

But then, BUT THEN, the Secretary of the friggin’ Army has the unbelievable AUDACITY to tell our young soldiers, men and women who VOLUNTARILY have agreed to lay down their very LIVES for the rest of this bloody UNGRATEFUL country, he has the unmitigated GALL to tell them that if they can’t afford to feed their families they should go on food stamps!  OUR MILITARY MEMBERS ON FOOD STAMPS!  AND THAT’S HIS RECOMMENDATION!!!!  I am so far beyond astounded that I don’t have words! 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR COUNTRY?!  These young men and women should be living in luxury!  An E-9, the highest enlisted rank, THE HIGHEST, after 20 years of service, makes $68,000 and can retire on 50% pay.  So his retirement, before taxes is $34,000.  Do you think you can live on $34K a year?  Before taxes?  All this for PUTTING YOU LIFE ON THE LINE FOR 20 YEARS!!!!

Congress can get a FULL retirement with as little as ten years of government service.  And they get paid a hell of a lot more than the military does and not a single one of them is willing to put their life on the line for any of us.  How is any of this fair?

Let them go on Food Stamps?  That’s the answer?  That’s the RIGHT thing to do?  How can you look yourself in the mirror?

It was the same way when I was a young airman, I almost always had a part time job cooking somewhere.  It’s how I became such a world famous cook.  Many of the guys I worked with were on Food Stamps, but it was frowned upon and kept quiet.  Now, it’s the suggestion. 

Okay, time to move on to laughter or I’m going to explode.  

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy.  I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.  Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.  Please don’t be upset…I shall be home before midnight. 

When the Johnny came home late that night he found the following letter on the dining table. 

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old.

As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college.  I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach.  He is young, virile and, like your secretary, 18 years old.  As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow!

The “Grey Haired Brigade”

The typical U.S. household headed by a person aged 65 or older has a net worth 47 times greater than a household headed by someone under 35, according to an analysis of census data released Monday.

They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs.  Some of us are “Baby Boomers” getting ready to retire.  Others have been retired for some time.  We walk a little slower these days, and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were.  We worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God, and have grown old together.  Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true.  But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration.

In school we studied English, history, math, and science, which enabled us to lead America into the technological age.  Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience.  We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes.  For those of you who don’t know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators.  A few even remember when cars were started with a crank.  Yes, we lived those days.

We are probably considered old fashioned and outdated by many.  But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off.  We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam.  We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance and know where to place our hand while doing so.  We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield.  We didn’t fight for the Socialist States of America; we fought for the “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.”  We wore different uniforms but carried the same flag.

We know the words to the “Star Spangled Banner,” “America,” and “America the Beautiful” by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing.  We have lived what many of you have only read in history books, and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America.

Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us.  We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it.  It is our country, and nobody is going to take it away from us.  We took oaths to defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic, and that is an oath we plan to keep.  There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.

It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama, and now Biden, and the Democratic Congress.  You fell for the “Hope and Change” which in reality was nothing but “Hype and Lies.”  You youngsters have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face and have found you don’t like it after all.  You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or “Climbing the Social Ladder” to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting.

Many of those who fell for the “Great Lie” in 2008 and 2020 are now having buyer’s remorse.  With all the education we gave you, you didn’t have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the ‘Kool-Aid.’  Now you’re paying the price and complaining about it; no jobs, lost mortgages, higher gasoline prices, higher taxes, inflation, shortages, and less freedom.

This is what you voted for, and this is what you got.  We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty, and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house.

Well, don’t worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, and in the mid-term 2022 and in 2024 elections we are going to take back our nation.  We may drive a little slower than you would like, but we get where we’re going, and in 2022 and 2024 we’re going to the polls by the millions.

This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Adam Schiff, etc.  It belongs to “We the People,” and “We the People” plan to reclaim our land and our freedom.

We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren.

So, the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the “Gray-Haired Brigade.”

Footnote: This is spot on.  I am another Gray-Haired Geezer signing on.  I will circulate this to other Gray-Haired Geezers all over this once great county.

Can you feel the ground shaking???  It’s not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE!

You and I are Members.

Don’t Delete.  Just Read and Pass it on!

Most of the  time I would have deleted the last couple of lines, but because I so much agree with this, because I’m also a Gray-Haired Geezer, and because I know many of you are as well…I decided to leave it in.

The heartburn I get after razing a few villages is overwhelming!

My Neighbor just yelled at her kids so loud that even I brushed my teeth and went to bed.

Okay, that’s just weird.

FUN FACT:  Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking.

Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.

Grotesque Fire the Clumsy?  (I don’t like this game)

You are indeed a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?

See…us “normal” mythological creatures don’t stand a chance with the women.  They ALWAYS choose the bad-boys.

If I hear even one of you youngsters out there say, “Who’s Mulder and Scully?”  You’re getting kicked out of the Campground so hard and so far, I swear you’ll bounce!

“Excuse me, sir…are you leaving?  Are you done with your bees?  I didn’t …”

Ask your doctor if a drug with 32 pages of side effects is right for you.

My wife complained that my life revolving around Facebook has destroyed the way we communicate as a family…

…so I blocked her.

Okay, I came up with a new dating app idea!

You match up with people who are on the same meds as you are on.

We’ll call it “Relationscripts”.

Whoever thinks money doesn’t bring Happiness, transfer it over to my account.

Yes, this next one is an old joke, but it is still funny…

“An Old Biker”….

So an 80 year old man went to the doctor for a check-up and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in….

The doctor asked, “To what do you attribute your good health?”….

The old timer said, “I’m a biker and that’s why I’m in such good shape”….

“I’m up well before daylight on Sundays and out sliding around corners, “shootin” sand washes and riding up and down the steepest, wildest mountains I can find at the crack of dawn”….

The doctor said, “Well, I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?”….

The old biker said, “Who said my dad’s dead?”….

The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your dad’s still alive? How old is he?”….

The old biker said, “He’s 99 years old and, in fact, he went riding with me this Sunday, and that’s why he’s still alive… he’s a biker too”….

The doctor said, “Well, that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it”…

How about your dad’s dad?….

How old was he when he died?….

The old biker said, “Who said my grandpa’s dead?”….

The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living!”….

“How old is he?”….

The old biker replied, “He’s 117 years old”….

The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, “I guess he went riding with you this Sunday too?”….

The old timer said, “No… Grandpa couldn’t go this week because he got married”….

The Doctor said in amazement, “Got married!! Good Lord!!!”….

“Why would a 117-year-old guy want to get married?”….

To this the old biker smiled😁 and answered,

“Who said he wanted to?” ☺️😊

Too much Sugar Preaching leads to Truth Decay!

No.  I’m not going to explain it to you youngsters, I won’t give you any hints.  It’s funny as heck and you need to figure it out on your own.

Really?  It’s not? 

Okay…I can’t help myself…I’ll help you youngsters with the last cartoon anyway…

I can remember being a kid, working in the backyard, and singing that song at the top of my lungs and when I got to the part where they say “oh hell” my mom hollering at me at the back door!  

There was something else I was supposed to talk to you guys about and now I can’t remember what it is…dang…Oh well, we’ll keep going while I try to figure out what it is…

We are living in a generation that would unplug your life support, just to charge their cellphone.

Being white doesn’t make you a racist and being black doesn’t make you a slave, being an idiot however comes in both colors.

I’m laughing my butt off watching the democrats on Martha Vineyard go absolutely CRAZY over 50 illegal aliens being dumped on their front doorstep!  They just called out 100 National Guardsmen to handle these 50 illegals.  They are saying that the Governor of Florida who sent them kidnapped them and all kinds of crap!  Oh, I’m laughing so hard!  But, yet it’s fine for little towns in Texas and Arizona of 2,500 people to deal with thousands of illegals.  That’s just fine.  You pansy hypocrites! CLOSE THE BORDER!!!!  BIDEN IS EVIL!!

You’re welcome.

The Whelpling just sent this one to me…

An old man crashed his car into a very expensive automobile.  The owner of the expensive automobile jumps out and confronts the old man and says, “Give me $10,000 cash or I will beat you to a pulp!”

The old man replies, “Whoah wait buddy, I don’t have that much money but let me call my son, he trains dolphins.”

The old man dials his son and as he is about to speak the owner of the expensive car yanks the phone out of his hand and says, “So you train dolphins, well your old man just hit and damaged my car, you bring me $10,000 or I’m gonna beat the heck outta him and you!” 

The son answers, “Okay, give me 15 minutes and I’ll be there.”  In exactly 15 minutes the son pulls up in a Jeep, ten men jump out and beat the heck out of the expensive car owner. 

Meanwhile, the son walks over to his father and says, “Dad, I train Navy Seals, not dolphins.”

It really ain’t like that.  We stay in really crappy Hotels…I’M KIDDING!!!

I’ve done some terrible things for money…

…like getting up early to go to work.

And Stephanie just sent me this one…

Someone once put up a nameplate in our engineering office:

Nameplate:  Herdaing Katz, Engineering Manager

I have no idea if it was an actual person or not.  I was afraid to ask!

Well, I ran out of room on my Wall, so I had to create a new wall.  I think I got everyone transferred over.  Let’s take a look…

I don’t remember who Blast Specialties, Inc. is.  I do remember that it is an account of one of you guys that you use every year to make donations and I can’t remember who you are.  Sigh.  Okay, moving on.  
We are just about out of time for this year’s donations.  Nine more days from the day you are reading this.  Sept 26 the bill gets paid and I stop asking for money.  Not that you can stop donating.  You guys can donate year round if you want, but my one yearly push ends and I stop talking about money, because I HATE IT!  This is not about the money.  It’s about the fun and the happiness and bringing a little of each into all of our lives a couple times a week.  So, for almost the final time, think about buying me a cup of coffee and for all of you guys, listed above, and I sure hope I didn’t miss anyone…

Thank you guys…until next time.  Love and Happiness to you all.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2077

  1. Leah D says:

    Fluffy Wings The Strong. My 4 year old son told me he liked my “fluffy butt”. I guess it spread.

  2. jhjoseph says:

    Terrific funnys to enjoy and laugh for a Saturday morning. Thanks. Joe Holtzman

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