So, according to my time traveling calculations, you are reading this on Saturday. So, for you today, I am going to a wedding today! Some dear friends’ daughter, who also happens to be a dear friend and a member of the Army National Guard, as well as her betrothed, so I’m looking forward to it.

Today is Tuesday for me and … well … I’m not a fan. Tomorrow is my anniversary and to tell the truth, I’m a bit jittery. For those of you who are new around here, my Mary passed away in January of 2022 and it’s been a rough rode for me and even though it’s been four and a half years … it’s still been tough.

And even though I am in the early stages of having a lady friend … or should I even say, a friend who is a lady … I still miss my dear Mary every single day.

BUT!! I Know where she is and that she is in a much better, sweeter, lovelier place with her Heavenly Father and Jesus and that fills my heart with Joy!

It’s MY grief that hurts, that’s all. And that’s temporary. And normal.

This life we have here on earth is so small and tiny.

See this little dot . That’s our whole life compared to the entire universe of eternity.

And yet…

It is what we do with that little dot that determines what happens with that universe of eternity. Choose wisely my friends. I KNOW where I’m spending eternity. Do you? Are you sure? If you’re not, write to me, we can talk about it.

impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com

Now THAT is an example of an opening going FAR different then I expected when I sat down and started writing. So, from here, let’s just say …

I know it’s not Wednesday, but it’s still cute and besides, I don’t publish on Wednesdays.

Le Flame, Le die!

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. 

-Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

You’re old fashioned! But, so am I! I will NOT go to a self-service checkout. If there is not a register open with a person running it, I’ll leave my cart and walk out.

I went to a good school where some of our foremost politicians learned their three R’s ­ 

This is Ours, that is Ours, everything is Ours.

Think cold … maybe it will help!

Louisiana Law

It is illegal to gargle in public places

Now, that’s just silly!

Well …. since that picture is in color, probably a little older.

For the rest of us, that’s about 8 pounds and 13 ounces (and a little bit). That’s a heavy shirt!

I can attest to this! Yes, I’ve had a mammogram. Yes, Impish had a breast cancer scare. Yes, I had a lump, no it was not cancer. And yes, the mammogram hurt as much as you think it did. I think if I had real breasts it may not have hurt as much, but then again, women’s breasts are a LOT more sensitive than men’s. So, there’s that.

This one always brings a tear to my eye.

MOM’S SPECIAL BROWNIES



Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.


Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.


Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr. “no, no.”


Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.


Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.


Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.


Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.


Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.


Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.


Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.


Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. 

Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.


Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.


Let cat out of refrigerator.


Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan.


Bake 25 minutes.


Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. 

Throw cat outside while there’s still time and he’s still able to run away.



FROSTING


Mix the following in saucepan:


1 cup sugar


1 oz unsweetened chocolate


1/4 cup margarine


Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away — far away.


Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn’t know Jr. had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Jr. in playpen.


Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.


Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man’s front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.


Tie Billy to clothesline.


Remove burned brownies from oven.

Notice to people who visit my home.

1. The dog lives here. You don’t.

2. If you don’t want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 

3. Yes, she has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What’s your point? 

4. OF COURSE she smells like a dog.

5. It’s her nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff hers. 

6. I like her a lot better than I like most people.

7. To you she’s a dog. To me she’s an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things. 

8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, don’t need! a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups. 

9. The same applies for the cats, except they will ignore you…until you’re asleep 

There was a ventriloquist who’d had no work for six months. 

He went to his agent and told him he needed work badly.

The agent said, “There’s no call for ventriloquists, but if you were a psychic I could get you plenty of work.” 

So the ventriloquist went home and hung out a psychic sign.

An hour later a woman knocks on the door:

“I want to talk to my deceased husband. How much will it cost?” 

The ventriloquist says, “If you talk to him, it’s $50; if he talks to you, it’s $100; and if you talk to each other while I’m drinking a glass of water, that’s $200.”

Questions a man asked his Sunday School class:


“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?” 

I asked the children in my Sunday School class.

“NO!” the children all answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was, “NO!”

“Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, “NO!”

“Well, I continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?” 

A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!”

Got a short note from Joe in NJ…

Impish,

My new project is installing padded fencing

in the yard. I understand it’s necessary for my latest adventure: 

I’m going to raise 

boneless chickens. 

Been told they’re rather fragile. 

                  …Joe

And that’s it my friends. Got to run. I hope you had as good a time as I did. May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.