Here it is, late in the week, late in the day, I’m so far behind … again. That ought to become my new mantra… Welcome to Dragon Laffs! Where the humor is behind, every single episode!

Sheesh!

I will be SO glad when this stupid, flippin’ Air Show is over and done with!! This thing is driving me nuts! Then I’ve got higher headquarters wanting us to upgrade to a new program on base … that I can’t really talk about here, but suffice to say that it would be a WONDERFUL upgrade, but the learning curve and the effort going in is enormous! … right before the Air Show?!?!

NO!

Oh, and I just got my annual budget money at the end of May and final approval and moved to where it needs to be so I can spend it at the beginning of June (remember, our fiscal year starts on 1 October) and I just got an email today saying that if I don’t hurry up and spend the money that they are going to start syphoning some of it off so that they can use it elsewhere … IT’S AN ANNUAL BUDGET! NOT A ONCE A YEAR IN JUNE ONLY BUDGET! How the heck am I supposed to run an entire base program like this?

And then December rolls around and the inspectors show up and they say, “Why don’t you have any more of these widgets?” Because my crystal ball broke in June and I didn’t know that those were gonna be the thing that we were gonna have a run on this year and now I don’t have anything left of last year’s money and I won’t get any of this year’s money until the year is half over!

Don’t work in the private sector where they make 2 to 3 times as much money as you do, Impish and nobody shoots at you, Impish. Be patriotic, Impish, where the great big friendly government will take care of you and you’ll have everything you need all the time.

Okay, I’m done.

You know I’m mostly being sarcastic, right?

I really do love my job.

And I’m damn good at it.

It’s just certain times that I wish the government would get out of it’s own way.

But, before we move on, I want to say a special thank you to Sammye and Leonard for their super generous donations! You guys are great and the donations came in at a really great time! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Very much appreciated. You guys are fantastic!

See!!! I KNEW there was an easier way to get my fence fixed!!!

Where does the expression “Kilroy was here” come from?

It has long been a mystery, until the real Kilroy revealed himself.

James Kilroy was an American shipyard inspector during the Second World War. Every ship had to be inspected by him before it was launched. To do this quickly, he had the habit of writing his name in chalk on the places he had inspected so that he could be sure he did not miss a single one. Given the speed at which a new ship had to be put into service, these markings were usually not erased.

The GIs who left for Europe consequently found his name in the most unexpected places on the ships and wondered who this Kilroy was who was part of all the crossings and who wrote his name in the most inaccessible places.

Jokes began to circulate about him, and in Europe, soldiers began writing “Kilroy was here” in the most unusual places to make people believe in a super GI who was part of all the battles and who ventured to the most absurd places.

The success was so great that even Stalin is said to have asked who Kilroy was at the Yalta Conference.

It is also said that the German General Staff believed Kilroy was a spy tasked with preparing the advance of the American army and that orders were given to search for and capture him. However, there is no record of such an order, and it is likely a legend.

Three men are staggering through the scorching desert, parched and desperate. Just as they are about to collapse, they stumble upon a hidden, pristine oasis. Suddenly, a genie materializes from the mist above the water.

“Welcome, travelers,” the genie booms. “You have discovered the Oasis of Destiny. This magical pool will transform into whatever your heart desires. Simply sprint, leap, and shout your wish mid-air. But beware—you only get one jump each.”

The first man doesn’t waste a second. Thirsty beyond belief, he sprints toward the water, launches himself into the air, and screams, “Champagne!”

Splash! He plunges into a pool of the finest, bubbling Dom Pérignon. He drinks his fill, climbs out ecstatic, and the pool instantly reverts to crystal-clear water.

The second man, seeing his chance at a new life, takes a running start, leaps high into the air, and bellows, “Gold coins!”

Clank! He dives headfirst into a shimmering mountain of wealth, Scrooge McDuck-style. He stuffs his pockets, scrambles out laughing, and the pool turns back to water once more.

The third man is absolutely ecstatic. Grinning from ear to ear, he backs up to get a massive running start. He charges toward the oasis at full speed, visualizes his ultimate dream, and launches himself off the edge.

But right at the point of no return, his toe catches on a jagged rock. Flying face-first through the air, he panics and shrieks:

“Oh, crap!”

No kidding! That one explains EVERYTHING!!!

Arthur and Frank were sitting on their usual park bench, enjoying the afternoon sun, when Arthur noticed his old buddy kept subtly adjusting something in his right ear. It was a sleek, high-tech little device, barely visible.

Arthur nudged him. “Hey, Frank! I couldn’t help but notice… you finally went out and got yourself a new hearing aid, didn’t you?”

Frank turned his head, smiling proudly. “Oh, you bet I did! Best investment I’ve made in years. It uses artificial intelligence, suppresses background noise, and connects right to my television. It completely changed my life. I can hear a pin drop in the next room now.”

Arthur nodded, genuinely impressed. “Wow, that sounds top-of-the-line. What kind is it?”

Frank proudly checked his wrist and said, “It’s a quarter to three.”

A guy settles into his front-row seat at the World Cup final, buzzing with excitement. He looks to his left and notices the seat next to him is completely empty.

Leaning over to the man on the other side of the empty chair, he says, “Man, this is incredible. Who in their right mind leaves a seat vacant for the World Cup final?”

The neighbor sighs heavily. “Well, actually, that was my wife’s seat. We bought these tickets together. We’ve been to every final for the last twenty years, but she recently passed away.”

The guy feels an immediate wave of guilt. “Oh, man, I am so sorry. That’s heartbreaking. But… couldn’t you have given the ticket to a friend, or a cousin, or someone else in the family?”

The widower shakes his head. “I tried. But they all insisted on going to the funeral.”

I’m pretty sure I used to live near this sign when I was stationed at Holloman AFB in New Mexico. Right next to White Sands Missile Range.

Now THAT’S a movie remake I’d watch!

Yes!

Here’s my sign!

This dog has been training my dogs!

Amen! Folks, I see it every week in the jail!

That is just wrong … in so many ways!

I’ve always said that when I retire, I’m going to travel. Just never expected it would be mostly to the doctors!

Outstanding!

I think that is an absolutely marvelous idea. The problem is, the person who wrote this has no idea how expensive a case of MREs are. The way he has it set up, that’s about $100 a case or $800 per person per month. According to Google, the max EBT per month for a single person is $298. Why 8 cases per month? Our military members are made to survive on two MREs a day. 30 days in a month, that’s 2 1/2 cases a month, not 8. That’s $250 a month and that’s a plan I can definitely get behind.

And that’s it my friends. I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had putting it together. Until Monday …