It’s Saturday and I’ve just spent the last day running around like a maniac and not getting much done.  Just running and humping to someone else’s tune.  And it feels like I’ve wasted an entire day.  I REALLY need some laughing, so let’s get the fun stuff going and maybe we’ll get to something serious later…

This is an old joke that I heard many years ago, that apparently is making it’s way around the planet again…I used to love telling this one to my State Troopers when I was dispatching.

Rectum Stretcher

A woman was speeding down a highway in her car. While driving she passes a cop with a radar gun waiting patiently. 

The policeman chases after her. 

The cop pulled her over and asked, “Where is the emergency?”

She answers, “I’m late for work!”

‘Oh yeah,’ said the cop, ‘what do you do?’ 

‘I’m a rectum stretcher,’ she replies. 

The policeman asks, “And just what does a rectum stretcher do?”

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.’ 

“And just what do you do with a 6 foot butthole?” he asked.

“You give him a radar gun and put him on the highway”

Mom of NYC teen killed subway surfing plans to sue MTA

The mother of a 15-year-old Manhattan boy killed “subway surfing” on the Williamsburg Bridge plans to sue the MTA for failing to block off empty parts of the train used for the daredevil stunt, she told The Post.

Norma Nazario of Alphabet City said she reviewed footage on her late son Zackery’s phone and that it showed nothing prevented him from climbing onto the roof of the J train, where he eventually hit his head and died Monday.

“[The videos] show he has easy access. No alarms, no security, no cameras, no anything!” Nazario said ahead of her son’s wake Thursday evening.  

“He was able to access anything in the trains, the empty cabins, the train stations, nobody [was]  looking. I was so surprised.”

The grieving mother said transportation honchos have known for a decade that thrill-seeking teens ride on the outside of trains — but have made no apparent effort to restrict access to those areas.

There’s more to the article here: https://nypost.com/2023/03/03/mom-of-nyc-teen-killed-subway-surfing-plans-to-sue-mta/  If you’re interested.  But, you’ve got enough to get the gest of it with what I copied.  My point…What you’re saying is your son was breaking the law and got killed while doing so and doing a very dangerous act, so you are going to sue the subway people because they didn’t stop him.  That makes perfect sense for an entitled moron.  

We expect our kids to do stupid things, but it’s up to us as PARENTS to STOP them, to TEACH them, and to WATCH them so they don’t do STUPID things.  NOT to sue the people where our kids do stupid things and end up killing themselves.  We act like the grownups that we are and accept the responsibility for not STOPPING them, not TEACHING them, and not WATCHING them. 

If you can’t tell, that’s a boulder that just rolled right through her house.

If your wife is on a scale and says: “I’ve lost a few pounds”!

NEVER tell her: “Turn around, I think I found them”!

“Paladin, you gotta come up for air sometime…”

Stephanie sent us this one: 

My goal is to be that old person that everyone is afraid to take out in public.

Then Stephanie tells us, she’s already there!

The only bad thing about my six-figure salary is the decimal point.

♪♫”Let the Sunshine, Let the Sunshine In…”♫♪

Cinderella removed just one shoe and found true love and you all out there naked on the internet and still single.

I almost cut off my finger while preparing a salad and all I could think was, this would’ve NEVER happened with brownies.

Okay, so this is really good magic.  You really need to click on this link: https://www.facebook.com/reel/623470722680445?sfnsn=mo&s=F5x8gs&fs=e

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy? 

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection. 

This is an old joke sent in by our own Joe from NJ.  This is a true classic!  Love this one.  Thanks Joe!

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.

“I have and idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.”

Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.”

“Don’t call me son,” I said.  “You’re not my dad.”

He scratched his head.  “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

Why don’t the 99% of us who aren’t offended by everything quit catering to the 1% who are?!

When the truth comes out, do not ask me how I knew.
Ask yourself why you didn’t.

To me, “Drink Responsibly” means don’t spill it.

I found this VERY interesting.  Something I thought was true the whole time and now one of our fellow campers has put it into words.

I looked some of these up, pretty accurate Ever watched TV news or a talk show and been concerned with how much the country has changed? A recent poll conducted by a national polling firm, “YouGov” questioned typical people on the street. The averaged answers are listed below.

What percentage of the country is black? Answers 41%… Actual 12%. If you watch commercials, you will think it is 90%.

What percentage of marriages are mixed race? Answer 50%…Actual 1%. If you watch commercials, you will think it is 90%.

What percentage is “Latino”? Answers 39%… Actual numbers 17%.

How many families make over $500,000 a year? Answers 26%… Actual figure 1%. We think a quarter of the country is rich.

What percent of Americans are vegetarians? Response? 30%… Actual 5%.

What percent of Americans live in NY city? Answers? 30%… Actual 3%.

What percentage of Americans are ‘transgender? 22%… Actual number 1%

What percentage of your fellow citizens are Gay? Result? 30%… Actual 3%.

So why do people have such inaccurate thoughts on these counts? THE MEDIA! The media run race, gender, and wealth stories constantly. Result? We are being brainwashed by the media. Hitler’s propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels would be proud if he had half this success.

Disney just went full-on “gender” . They will no longer welcome guests with the traditional “Welcome ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls” Why? Because 1% of the population dictates to the other 99% (that would be the vast majority) and corporate America falls for it.

Regardless of what you think, less than 20% of Americans use “Twitter” yet Twitter controls 80% of public opinion. Why? The media.

Next time you are thinking Americans have changed and not in a good way, remember, it’s fake. Most people think just like you do, but the media has brainwashed Americans with their constantly misleading WOKE broadcasts.

I KNEW IT!!

This is incredible!!!!!

Umm…yeah, okay.

And tonight, is that most hated night of the year…Daylight Saving Time.  The night where we lose an hour of sleep.  Sunday morning, (Saturday night) at 0100 hrs. it magically becomes 0200 hrs. and we all just lose an hour’s sleep.  Well, here’s some memes to help you remember on your way out and I’ll say may God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.