Dragon Laffs #2137

Okay, so I’ve worked all weekend, and now I’ve worked all week.  I usually try to get a day or so off after working the weekend, but this week I can’t do it.  Too much to do and I’m the only one left in the office.  My assistant deputy is deployed and my deputy is TDY to Japan by way of Wake Island!  And I am so jealous!!  I wanted to go with him so badly!  What a GREAT TDY that is going to be.

Not to mention it’s the one part of the world I’ve never been to.  The Pacific.  I’ve been all over Europe, but never made it to the far east. 

So, it’s just me, at work, being jealous.

So, let’s go ahead and get started with the laughter, otherwise we’re just gonna sit here and be upset because WE’RE NOT GOING TO JAPAN!!!

Oh come on!  That one is so easy!  Don’t we all know what that one is?

Weeee Whoooooo!!!!!!!!

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t waste time on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it’s like saying you extend life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? – Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. – Bottoms up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…very good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How can getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around.

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is also a shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Finally, the Japanese Doctor summed up: Look mister, Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Beer in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride my life was”!!!!!
Eat whatever you like because you will still DIE, don’t allow motivational speakers deceive you.

1. The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54.

2. The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57.

3. The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41.

4. The best footballer in the world Maradona died at the age of 60.


5. The KFC inventor died at 94.

6. Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88.

7. Imagine, cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102.

8. The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 in an earthquake.

9. Hennessey Cognac inventor died at 98.

How did these doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life?

The rabbit is always jumping up and down but it lives for only 2 years and the turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives 400 years.

So, take some rest, Chill, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life.

Okay, I’m sure you ALL have heard of the Chinese spy balloon that has flown over the country and the absolute mess that the government has made of that, right?  So, let’s throw a couple of balloon memes out there while we can still laugh about it and before we complain about how completely asinine it was that we didn’t shoot it down when we should have and instead we let it transmit all of it’s information back to China about all of our military bases. 
Biden is a Chinese Spy.
But here are some memes to make us laugh about it.

Little Johnny and his friend were always boasting of their parents’ achievements to each other.

Friend: ‘Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?’

Little Johnny: ‘Yes, I have’

Friend: ‘Well, my father dug it.’

Little Johnny: ‘That’s nothing, have you ever heard of the Dead Sea?’

Friend: ‘Yes, I have.’

Little Johnny: ‘Well, my father killed it.

I hate when Doctors asks questions like, “Are you sexually active?”  Depends on what you mean by “active”.  There are plenty of “active” volcanoes that haven’t gone off in over 50 years.

And some of our guardians use lightning

Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you’re not being arrested?

Apparently there are two types of flu.
The harmless one that women and children get, and the “near death” version that men get.

Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician’s office. 

After the exam, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…” 

“I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.” 

“No, that’s not it,” Catherine confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.” 

WHERE          ARE          THE          GIRL          SCOUT          COOKIES?!?!

Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation.

She was sure she’d have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area.

She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one.

Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn’t heard from anyone else.

It read: “Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe.”

Little Johnny, a fifth grade student has a penis so large, his parents warned him not to have anything to do with girls. 

They cautioned him he could easily kill someone. 

Through the grapevine, his teacher learns about his unusual size, keeps him after school and suggests they have sex. 

He refuses expressing concern he might kill her. 

She laughs and scoffs at the idea and says she will elect to be on top, in complete control, and nothing bad can happen. 

He reluctantly agrees but the teacher experiences such wonderful sensations, she faints from pure joy. 

Thinking he’s killed her, Johnny runs from the class room sobbing and crying, “Oh my God!… I killed her! I killed her!” 

All at once he stops dead in his tracks, and look of dawning comprehension appears on his face as he says, “Wait just a minute! I didn’t kill her. She committed suicide!” 

According to ‘Men’s Health’ magazine, the average man has had sex in a car 15 times?

That’s something to keep in mind next time you’re looking for a used car.

Little Johnny burst through the front door with a smile on his face.

Surprised that Johnny was home so early, his mother asked, “Why are you home from school so early?”

Johnny answered, “I was the only one who could answer a question.”

“Oh, really? What was the question?” his mother asked.

“Who threw the eraser at the teacher?”

Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables one year.

When she picks her crop in late summer, her carrots, potatoes, onions and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflower has done extremely well.

She picks them and cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce and they taste wonderful.

After eating cauliflower for a week she notices two things. Firstly, her lips are full and glossy, unchapped, uncracked and require absolutely no lip gloss to make them look full and pouty.

Secondly, she has really awful bad breath! Even her cat, Simon, won’t come near her. Sssssst!!!

Pleased with her lips however, and spotting a money making idea when she sees one, she contacts Revlon, the cosmetics company, and explains about the lip-enhancing qualities of her cauliflower crop.

The company sends out a crew to bring back some of her cauliflower. After a month of testing, they decide to buy Mary’s entire crop of cauliflower for a phenomenal amount, and they request that Mary grow some more as soon as possible!

The company proceeds to make lipstick out of them but they experience problems in the the final product manufacture. Seems the lipstick was not gelling correctly into a solid stick and thus, ended up crumbling upon application to the lips.

Quality controllers also found that, even as a lipstick, the bad breath remained and they have no choice but to put it down as an “unfortunate” side effect.

As they are nearing their production deadline and advertising for this new wonder lip-enhancer has hit the streets, the cosmetics company has no choice but to produce the packaging with the following caution:

Poppins’ Pop-up Lip enhancer:

Super Cauli, Fragile Lipstick – Expect Halitosis

You knew that was coming, right?

“Say, Jim,” Steve said to his pal, “how do you like your new job?”

“It’s the worst job I ever had.”

“How long have you been there?”

“About three months.”

“Why don’t you quit?”

“No way. This is the first time in 20 years that I’ve looked forward to going home.”

And you thought Aunt Jemima syrup was insulting?!

Fwd:  US Government Notice

To help save the economy, the Government will announce next month that the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors (instead of illegals) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.  Be sure to send this notice to your relatives and friends so they’ll know what happened to you.  I started to cry when I thought of you.  Then it dawned on me…I’ll see you on the bus.


For the first time in history, you can post:
“He’s an idiot”
“What a moron”
“He’s such a jerk”
“Can you believe this ____ (clown, crap, stuff, etc.)”
and 98% of the world will know exactly who you’re talking about.

Sarah had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance.

She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen.

A few days later, a neighbour came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbour added, “All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen.”

An office technician got a call from a computer user.

The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her, “Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.”

About fifteen minutes later she showed up at his door … with the electrical cord in her right hand!

The Captain of a US Naval Ship Destroyer gets on the megaphone and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. 

Where are you headed?” 

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, “Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the War of 1812.” 

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.  

The captain finally catches his breath, gets back on the megaphone, and asks, “Just the four of you?”

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No Señor, we are the last four. Thanks to your President Biden…the other 21 million are already there.

Our six-year-old handed us a note. His teacher had called my wife and I in for an emergency meeting. We asked our son if he had any idea why and he said, “She didn’t like a drawing I did.”

We went in the next day.

His teacher pulled the drawing below out and said, “I asked him to draw his family, and he drew this. Would you mind explaining?”

“Not at all.” my wife said. “Family vacation. Snorkeling off the Bahamas. 😂😂

And that’s it.  Love and Happiness to you all.

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #2137

  1. Leah D says:

    Look closely in the bride’s right hand and I think there is an answer to how that marriage is going to turn out . . . that is a gun, isn’t it?

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