Dragon Laffs #2087

Happy Columbus Day!  Or, if you are more of a modern day idiot, Happy Indigenous Peoples’ Day.  Really makes no difference to me at all.  It’s a day off work, so I don’t care what you call it.  I always thought it was a bit silly for us to get Columbus Day off and I think it’s even sillier for us to get Indigenous Peoples’ Day off.  The politically correct morons across this once great nation of ours are really wound up over stupid stuff.  Instead of wasting time over this nonsense, why not get wound up over our president going around the world begging for oil when we have more oil under our own country then almost any where else on earth?

Why not get wound up over criminals beating the crap out of people in subways and then just basically making a stop in court to sign a few papers and being let go without any bail.

Why not get wound up over our president lying to our face time after time after time and no one holding him accountable for any of it.

Why not get wound up over “8.5% inflation” (that’s some imaginative math!) that equates to a 50-75% increase in grocery bills.

No.  Let’s get wound up over friggin’ Columbus Day!  


Just like California.  The model left wing state.  We’re going to outlaw all carbon burning automotive transportation by the year 2035.  YOU CAN’T CHARGE THE ELECTRIC CARS YOU HAVE NOW!!  YOU CAN’T RUN THE AIR CONDITIONERS YOU HAVE NOW!!  This is a great plan.  And the one thing that COULD save this plan, nuclear power, you won’t even consider because you’re too chicken shit to see the nose in front of your face.  

What do we call them?

Indigenous Peoples’ Day and the entire political state of California, you are all a bunch of Blind Turnips!

Ahhh!  Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’ve got one more public service announcement to give you guys.  Seems like one of our fellow campers has sent me a correction.  At least I think it’s a correction, since all he sent me was a link.  Here, I’ll give you the comment: 


3 hours ago

(Great name, by the way!) I’m assuming that it goes with this posting:

Which, having read the article, it does seem to go quite well with this picture.  So, it seems that this is a bit out of date, so I must thank Bob (again, really GREAT name!) for sending the update to us and correcting us and keeping us on our toes.  Thank you, sir.

Now, on to the stuff you guys really want to see!  Let’s get into the fun zone…

My neighbor with the big boobs has been walking up and down the garden topless all day.

I just wish his wife would do the same thing.

My teacher pointed a ruler at me and said, “At the end of this ruler is an idiot.”

I got a detention for asking, “Which end?”

I finally saw a guy who was sagging his pants do a faceplant when they fell down around his ankles.  

It was every bit as satisfying as I always dreamed it would be.

Our pre-school teachers have a very tough job and they take it very seriously.

A genie granted me one wish, so I said, “I just want to be happy.”

Now I’m living in a cottage in the woods with 6 dwarves and working in a mine.

Well, I sprained my wrist.  I guess I’d better change my relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”

I felt so sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night.

He hypnotized 7 guys, then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled, “FUCK ME”.

What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

He comes at you at a very weird angle, but we keep him around because he is really good at protecting our waterways and he’s really good with kids.

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.

My wife and I have the cutest nicknames for each other.  She’s my buttercup and I’m her useless sack of shit.

My neighbors complained about me groaning too loudly having sex in the morning…

if they only knew I’m just trying to put my socks on…

I can’t tell…

God, none of us would blame you a bit.

I asked the kid working at McDonalds if the Shamrock shakes were made with fresh Shamrocks.  He went to ask the manager.

Come on you left wing nut balls, that makes as much sense as any of your other plans!  And probably a bit more so!

PRO TIP:  In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first. 

Teams of forest rangers shoot grizzlies with sedative darts before approaching.  There’s safety in numb bears.

Do you even hear yourself?  Did you even read that sign?  Why should the store owner’s mother have to fear for HER son’s life?  Why does your son not value his more than the money in the store?  Do I need to ask you any more questions you moronic ass?

Me:  How’d you lose your eyesight? 

Blind man:  Motorboating accident. 

Me:  Wow, really?  

Blind man:  Yeah, her nipples were pierced.


If a guy starts a rumor that he had sex with you and you deny it, people won’t believe you.  So, instead just be like, “yeah it was really bad, and he accidently shouted his mom’s name.”

Life is a lot like a Penis…

simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely…then a woman makes it hard.

And that wraps it up for today.  And yes, I know I was a bit of a whiny bitch today, but that is just the way it ended up.  Complain if you like, you know how and through which venues to do it.  You can leave a comment on the website or you can write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com or any of the other ways you guys know how to get ahold of me.  But, in the meantime, until we meet again, let your lives be filled with love and happiness.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2087

  1. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    Yes I laughed….the hot dogs in the pockets to be found by rescuers was funny…then I stopped laughing and thought Damn that’s a good idea and fairly cheap.
    Not to jump on your Bitch wagon, but just watching news of border crossers, news guy asked 1 guy how long did it take to get here. 45 days. Said he walked in jungle, by boat and walked…but his clothes looked clean and new….I’m confused.

  2. jhjoseph says:

    WOW: Where does one start. Terrific, Great, Funny, God Bless you Dragon Laffs.

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