Dragon Laffs #1960


Good Morning Campers,

And what a beautiful morning it is!  I’m writing this on Saturday morning.  You are probably still reading Saturday’s episode while I’m writing Monday’s issue.  I’m writing and getting this done since I’m going to be gone all day tomorrow (Sunday) visiting with my Son, Daughter-in-law, and Grandkids.  So, I’m looking forward to that. 

We actually got a warning last night on our phones.  I didn’t see it until I got up this morning, but I had to laugh.  It said something to the effect of: The snow shower will begin at 1:27 am and will continue for next few hours and will be light in nature.  So, when I saw that this morning when I got up at 7 am, I thought, Oh cool!  The first snow of the year!  I can’t wait to see what Willow Dragon thinks of her very first snow!  But there was no snow.  My phone lied to me.

Anyway, that’s going on.  I didn’t hear anything about scheduling any of my surgeries, so still waiting on that.  I’ll let you know when I hear something.  So, in the meantime, let’s get some laughter going and we can talk about other things as we go along. 

I crossed a snowman and a vampire. 

Got frostbite

Every year there is a race form one side of Sweden to the other. 

They start at the Norwegian Line and end up at the Finnish Line.

Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet? 

Because he was always lost at C.

When Satan goes bald, there will be Hell toupee. 

Where’s the guy with the whiskey bottle?  Can I have him instead?

You know, as a guy who looks at emergency plans for a living, this is not the worst one I’ve seen.

If I could be any superhero, I would be aluminum-man…

My super power would be foiling crime.

Dammit, Stephanie!  Who keeps taking pictures of us!  And then posting them?  I haven’t gotten any blackmail messages, have you?

The two hardest things in life

1.  Saying hello for the first time.

2.  Saying goodbye for the last time.

Husband:  When I die, I’d like to die having sex.  

Wife:  At least we know it’ll be quick!

Armed and dangerous.  Trust me.

My son asked if a punch bowl is where you keep the names of people you want to punch. 

I usually keep them in my head, but, storing them in decorative crystal seems really classy.

Guys, I need your help!  This is important!  I’m in the middle of an argument with my wife and she just told me that I’m right. 

What the hell do I do now?

Time to change things up a bit.  This is a little bit behind, but not too much nor too late.  This is from Pete.  Friggin’ Pete, if you will.  And is worth repeating here:

No jokes here, just a very heartfelt “Thank You” to all the Men and Women who stand between this Country’s believes, ideals, and rights and those throughout our history who have endeavored to take them away. Men like my Father, Sherman Healey, who went to war to defend this country, and Men like my Brother, Jon Healey who stood ready for thirty year to do so, both ready and willing to give their lives for the protection of the ones they loved. And especially to those Men and Women and their Families who have given their lives in that protection and to those who are still giving today!

Because Of this, the citizens of this great land have the right to climb onto any old soapbox and declare: our President is wrong, our country is wrong, and the Brave Heroes who earned this right for them are wrong. I also have the right to climb onto my soapbox and declare my appreciation to these same Brave Heroes, past, present, and future who put their blood and lives on the line day in and day out. These men and women who have fought, bled and died for their countrymen to ensure, secure and protect the rights of our people to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!!

Thank you!!

Thank you, Pete.  Very well said.  Very heartfelt.  Thank you for sharing that with us.  In that regard, this would be a good time to share part one of:

I say part one because in the 24 hours since I published the last list, I’ve actually gotten more than I had before, so I will probably end up with two parts today just to use up some of these incredible memes.  I’m sure most of you won’t mind.  I sure won’t, some of these are GREAT!!

That’s exactly what they are trying to do to our children in our schools right now.

This is a GREAT plan!  And then we should tax them on the Capital Gains Tax Plan!

What is right for you, may not be right for me. 

What is right for me, may not be right for you. 

But what is NOT right for either of us, is being stripped of the freedom to choose what is right for ourselves.

~ Anna Gala

That’s it for now.  I’ll share some more later.

And that was the last time I was asked to bring the cookies to the party.

A lady asks a question:  They are telling people, vaccinate or no job, but I haven’t heard anywhere, Vaccinate or no welfare; Vaccinate or no food stamps.  Are they not saying that or are we just not hearing that? 

I think that’s a damn good question.

And when I was a kid, they had a cure for it, it was called a spanking.

A Tip For Those of Us Who Work at Screens All Day:

1.  Unclench your jaw

2.  Twist your torso from side to side

3.  Arch backwards until you’re upside down with your hands and feet on the floor

4.  Laugh

5.  Spider crawl across the room

6.   Devour someone whole

7.  Haunt the witnesses

At my funeral I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my coffin in all black suits and say, “I’m gonna miss ya boss.” so my family will think I had something big going on.

And to add something like, “And don’t worry about it.  We got da guys who got you.  It’s all taken care of.  Youse can rest in peace.”  It would have to fit the circumstances.  If you died of cancer, it could be, “We took care of the shitty sawbones who couldn’t cure youse.” or something like that.  It could be a LOT of fun at the funeral.  And probably wouldn’t cost that much to set up.  Hell, I probably know a couple of good old boys who’d do it just for the fun of it.

I REALLY HOPE AND PRAY THAT THE NEXT BIG TREND IN MUSIC IS TALENT!!

Well, if he was a real husband/man he would already be back home because he would have:

1.  KNOWN there was no such thing.

2.  If he thought there might have been such a thing, not been such a pussy that he couldn’t have ASKED someone who worked there for them and found out that there was no such a thing and that he was getting punked by his wife.

3.  Figured out a fun way to get her back by maybe buying a pack of maxi-pads and tampons and then gluing them together or something and telling his wife when he got home that this is what they gave him at the store.

Real men don’t have a problem going to the store for “feminine products” for their wives.

The Good News is I’ve made it to  my Golden Years. 

The Bad News is … there ain’t no gold.

Is this sign sending the wrong message?

Let’s do part two, shall we?  I really do have a lot of these things.  And I love it!

That’s a really good question.  Why ISN’T that the minimum payment?

Income Tax:  The fine you pay for being productive.

Welfare:  The reward you receive for being unproductive

And why are so many of those homeless US Citizens Military Veterans?  They were willing to give their lives for us and we can’t be bothered to give them a place to live?

The National Guard are not required to take the vaccine until June of 2022, yet they are the ones replacing the nurses in New York who have refused the shot. 

This is not about a virus.  The goal is to enact martial law and continue with the implementation of the New World Order and Socialism.

Or shitting your pants in front of the Pope.

FACT:  Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. 

You know who you are. 

Stop it!

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

And that’s it for today my friends.  Have a wonderful week.  Love and happiness to you all.

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1960

  1. Sasquatch says:

    As far as the funeral, I saw where a young lady sells her services for them. She shows up with sunglasses and an umbrella and cries for you as everyone wonders who the mysterious woman from your past is.

  2. Stephanie says:

    Good morning. I’m on the hunt for whoever is taking pics.
    Am I the only one who looks at crypto and thinks of tulips? People want nuts and spent fortunes on them, until people realized they were flowers and reproduced. Now, crypto doesn’t even have the actuality that tulips had. Crypto is an electron. Electrons are everywhere. They are not rare. They do not exist in a form that can be handled or seen.
    What am I missing?

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