Good Morning Campers,
It’s Saturday Morning … or it should be if this gets published on the day it’s supposed to be published. Hopefully, I’ll have enough time between now and then to do just that. As you may have noticed, my life is a teeny bit busy and crazy right now. I think every one is trying to get a month’s worth of work done in two weeks so that they can take time off over the holidays. If so, they are doing it at the expense of everyone else. I guess that’s natural…if a little self-centered. And with everyone doing it to everyone else, it’s really not accomplishing shit.
Then there’s me … NOT pushing my work off on anyone else. In fact, I’ve got one guy teleworking and the other guy is home sick. So, I’m effectively a one-man shop right now. Yeah, the proverbial one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
But, I love my job.
If I keep saying it often enough and loud enough, I’ll keep believing it. I do believe it right now. It’s a very interesting job. Some days more interesting than others. And some days really make me go hmmm.
But, enough about me and my woes. This is the show about you! And what a show we have for you today! Let’s tell them what they’ve won, Johnny!
Thanks, Impish! Today, for our fine Campers we have the same stuff we always have to make them laugh, plus some really great comments on the NFL, and … hell, I don’t know, you didn’t prep me for this at all.
Thanks Johnny! Another great job, as always!
Kiss my ass, Impish.
And with that … let’s move on to the good stuff.
Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.
The father was very proud when his son went off to college.
He came to tour the school on Parents’ Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab.
“What are you working on?” he asked.
“A universal solvent,” explained the son, ” a solvent that’ll dissolve anything.”
The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, “What’ll you keep it in?”
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, “I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!”
“Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive.”
“I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?!?”
“Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are.”
“I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!”
“Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!”
Send resumes to firstname.lastname@example.org
This one really cracked me up. And if you don’t get it, you’re really young.
Have you ever woken up, kissed the person beside you and thanked the Lord you’re alive? I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.
My wife is so much better looking than me, that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries …
Okay, so this is funny to everyone in my career field …
And I had four of these guys in my class last week …
My husband just informed me that he will be doing nothing today as he works hard all week and deserves a day to do nothing.
—- in case you’re wondering why I need bail money.
School was interesting for a young dragon …
So, you guys remember the request I had to come up with a new meaning for NFL … I’m still hoping for a few more inputs, but this is what I’ve got so far:
Don’t have anything for the NFL, but I think the Washington team ought to change its name to the “Washington Team–Football.” Then we could just say WTF,
ROFLMAO! That’s perfect!
Just a thought for your NFL…
Nother F..king Looser….you can fill in the dots as U C fit. Enjoy your stuff we think a like…scares me a little how about you?
I LIKE IT! No. I LOVE IT! It’s perfect. A female who thinks like I do? Doesn’t scare me a little, it scares the hell out of me. So, send me your resume, prison record, and mug shot and we’ll talk.
And then I also got this one from our dear fellow camper Leah …
“The Book” of which you speak, is the ONLY one I have ever read, that the movie was just as good, or better than. The actors were perfect for the characters. My favorite part was the poison . . . I still try to reason it out.
NFL . . . have to reason on that one too!
My dear Leah, I agree with you 100% I know that there have been other movies that have been as good as the books they were based on … I just can’t think of any off the top of my head. But that one sure was.
My Aunty Suzy … she works for the Collections Department at a Loan Company. She’s very good at her job.
Hell yes I want one!
From a school Sex Ed Class: One kid in my class asked if you could get STDs from having sex with a chicken. Kind of put him on the spot and was a little suspicious…
I gotta wonder where Stephanie keeps getting these weird things …
I ran out of coffee this morning.
Tequila Jameson seemed a reasonable replacement.
Everyone is so pretty today.
From a School Sex Ed Class: (Again from Stephanie) There was a kid in class who raised his hand and asked, “What’s it called when girls spray out that liquid during sex?” The teacher responded, “Girls don’t do that.” He said, “Trust me, it’s real. I’ve seen it a bunch of times in videos.” She never responded. That was sixth grade.
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, “Notice anything different?”
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought dogs are easily amused. Then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
Notice to all female campers and Dragon Laffs Readers: Please stop asking Santa for the perfect man … three times he’s tried to kidnap me this week. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
Behind every angry woman, stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
Dan T sent me this picture with this comment:
Dear Mr. Dragon,
I saw this pic and thought you might enjoy it 🙂
Yes Dan … that is WAY COOL! I would definitely enjoy that ride. Looks to me like it is age appropriate as well.
They say life is too short to hold grudges.
I think life is too short to be letting people get away with the same shit.
Is it rude to toss a Xanax in someone’s mouth while they’re talking?
You’re dust, and you will return to dust …
That’s why I do not dust, it could be someone I know.
Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many women still sleep with their husbands.
A married man takes his girl friend on a date. In a playful and romantic conversation in the restaurant with the girl friend, he says to her, “Let me hear words that will increase my heartbeat.”
She says, “Your wife is sitting behind us.”
Stop petting my peeves!
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED …
That people won’t take the time to look up important information, but they’ll spend 15 minutes taking a quiz to find out what kind of potato they are?
Josh got this quick note from John S. Thought I’d share it with you guys before we had to quit for the night:
I wasn’t allowed to say anything until today, but it’s now okay for me to share that I volunteered for the Covid-19 vaccine. The vaccine is the one that has been developed in Russia. It is in 6 different stages and I received my first dose at 6:20 this morning and I wanted to let you all know that it is totally safe and I’m ok, with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι я чувю себя немного стрно и я думю, что вытл осные уши. чувству себя немго страо.
Sent from my iPhone
Okay brother John, we’re rooting for you. And will keep you in our prayers … um … Comrade.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a different bra.
And that’s going to do it for today my friends. I had a wonderful time and while you are having a wonderful time reading through this, I’ll be teaching another class trying to get ahead for the Christmas holiday.
May you have a joyous weekend.
Ok, you have me totally worried now! Yes, I am concerned for your physical and mental health, having to work so many days and hours. But what really worries me, is, if you train people people how to survive biological warfare . . . and recently, a new, unknown, sickness hit India . . . what is it you aren’t telling us?
Maybe you should be teaching how to survive fear mongering!
I agree totally. It’s not healthy to work that many days with no time off. You should see if there is perhaps a way to combine a couple of classes. It’s not good to have all of your essence sucked into your personnel file.