Dragon Laffs #1755


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Good Morning Campers,

Well, all good things must come to an end.  I believe, beginning next week, I will be going back to my office, at least part of the week.  I think I still will be teleworking on Mondays and Fridays and being in the office on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.  At least that is what I am considering right now.  What that will do with you guys, I’m not sure, but if nothing else I will try to get Dragon Laffs out to you at least twice a week.  I’m not 100% sure how that will work, but you should know, that is what I am considering right now.  As the next couple of days go by, I’ll know more and as I know more, you will know more. 

So, let’s jump right in with battling today’s bullshit with laughter and we’ll talk about other things as they come up.

So, let’s laugh!

Let's Laugh1

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And apparently way too little common sense.

Thanks to Lynn for sending this one…it looks pretty cool.

402

As face masks become the day to day norm around the world, it’s become harder and harder to understand people’s muffled words, as well as reading expressions. Did that person smile or grimace at me from behind their mask? Hard to tell these days.

Now, a team of researchers from EPFL and Empa in Switzerland has come up with a way of solving these issues: a breathable, transparent surgical mask.

You’ll soon be able to see someone’s full face from behind a surgical mask.

They’ve dubbed their creation the HelloMasks, which are made of organic biomass-based materials. Not only are they breathable, but they’re also recyclable and biodegradable. The team used a process called electrospinning that uses an electric charge to create ultra-thin threads, which allow particles to pass through but still manage to block out viruses and bacteria.

401

And thus should be a warning to everyone … I’m only on my second cup of coffee right now … fair warning …

So, this just happened:
My kid’s shoulder hurt from work.  I asked, “Have you ever taken Alleve?”
She said, “No!  I need the money.”

1302

After dinner my wife asked if I could clear the table.

I needed a running start, but I made it.

slap1

1303

I knew it!!

I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo.  There he was, in his uniform …

Right away I knew he was a keeper.

3a2a

1304

I asked my surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said, “Go ahead, knock yourself out.”

3a2

1305

Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine.

Catscan.

3a

1306

My housemates are convinced that our house is haunted.

I’ve lived here for 274 years and haven’t noticed anything strange.

1307

What happens when you drop a duck egg on the ground?

It quacks.

Attitude duck

1308

I was going to post a joke about penguins a few minutes ago.

Then I realized it just won’t fly.

3b

1309

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.  For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

1310

A man walks into a library and asks for a book on different levels of noise.

The librarian says, “Sure, what Volume would you like?”

3a2b

1311

All the major casinos are complaining about how much money they’ve lost.

Now they know how we feel.

1312

You had one job …

I used to be one of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot.

But then I discovered oven mitts.

1313

I have PTSD … does anyone have the rest of the alphabet?

403

Just got an email from Joe L from Beesley’s Point NJ in response to Marsha’s email… this is getting fun!!!

I/Dragon,

Marsha had the right idea but missed by a few miles. The Cape May Diamonds are found at Cape May Point, not Beesley’s Point.

Cape May diamonds are quartz pebbles found on the beaches of Cape May Point, New Jersey. The pebbles are sometimes collected, cut and polished to resemble diamonds, then sold locally as souvenirs. Cape May diamonds are usually collected by beach combing and are most abundant at Higbee and Sunset beaches in Cape May.Wikipedia

General Beesley rode out of town in the 1700’s and said:

“Don’t do anything until I get back.”  The locals are still waiting!

Thanks to all of the contributors!

     …Joe L. 

And here’s a picture that I found on line …

Cape May diamonds (right) are quartz pebbles found on the beaches of Cape May Point, New Jersey. The pebbles are collected, cut and polished to resemble diamonds (left) and then sold locally as souvenirs. July 18, 2019 Sean Simmers | ssimmers@pennlive.com

Cape May diamonds (right) are quartz pebbles found on the beaches of Cape May Point, New Jersey. The pebbles are collected, cut and polished to resemble diamonds (left) and then sold locally as souvenirs. July 18, 2019 Sean Simmers | ssimmers@pennlive.com PENNLIVE.COM

And the article that goes with it … if you’re interested: https://www.pennlive.com/life/2019/08/cape-may-diamonds-the-legend-and-the-facts-about-the-jersey-shore-gems.html

Thanks Joe!!!

1314

Okay, got this from Leah and printing it in it’s entirety, maybe mostly because she thought I might not.  Let’s get to it and talk about it …

Today has been hell for me . . . slap my face “You don’t even know what hell is!”

Tomorrow doesn’t look to be any better.  Sounds like a statement of the current situation in the USA and the World!

I know you won’t want to use a lot of what I might send on, glad to see you said it was ok to send it anyway.  Of course it’s okay.  You guys can always send me ANYTHING!  What I choose to send on is another matter entirely.

OK. They arrested and charged the dirty cops. Now lets do the same with the arsonists, thieves, batterers, and robbers.  I agree!  I saw last night that because the prosecutor has decided not to file charges against most of the “protestors” who assaulted the police officers in NY, the Police Union is going to go after them civilly, on behalf of the Police Officers and sue them.  I think that’s a marvelous idea!

Turning off a body camera should come with an automatic charge of destroying evidence.  Again I agree.  And in most police departments it’s a firing offense.

If the police are going to be defunded, so should welfare, food stamps and free medical care. If you don’t need police, you can take care of yourself on every level.  Can’t say as how I disagree with that one either.  I’ve taken care of myself and my family my whole life.  I think I mentioned yesterday that I have had one week of unemployment and actually the unemployment insurance that my jobs have paid covered that.  There are some instances where welfare is needed, I’ll grant you … but near as much as is paid out … and sure as hell if you’re not a citizen. 

Okay, Leah, does that about cover it?

 405

Got this email from Tom J. 

Greetings Impish; I didn’t know you didn’t like being addressed as Mr. Dragon. I only did it because of respect I have for you and what you do. You have made my day better many times over and over. I have been a subscriber even before Lethal showed up on Wednesdays and that’s a long time. I really miss him too and he was great at what he did.

I wanted to give you an update on my battle with this Covid shit. I’ve had different types of flu over the years and both viral and bacterial pneumonia more than once. Tomorrow (Thursday) will be day 16 and I think it’s about over. My Medial Assistant daughter tells me that I need to go for three days with no fever and no Tylenol(for fever control) to not be contagious. That would be tomorrow if things stay the same. I am still very weak and without energy to do much at all. That’s the hard part because I live to be active and need to be doing something.

That’s about all for now and I understand because I would also prefer not to be called mister and it feels more friendly to use first names. In all fairness, most people wouldn’t know how to address a little blue creature with a tail and scales and very hot breath. Maybe Sir?

Thanks Impish,

Tom

I didn’t publish it when he first told me, but Tom told me several days ago that he had contracted Covid and he has been battling it now for, as he says above 16 days.  And we’ve prayed for him and it seems as though he’s doing well.

But as to me not liking being called Mr. Dragon, that was mostly teasing.  You guys can call me anything you like.  What’s the old joke, call me anything you like, just don’t call me late for dinner.  But yes, I prefer Impish.  And the girls all seem to like the hot breath, so there’s always a plus.

Glad you are feeling better my friend.

406

I’m thinking if you just put it out with the trash, the trash people should pick it up.

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LSAT

LSD

LSU

Lucky Charms

lumberjack-commandos

Lunch Time

M2

M4SOPMOD

Mac Users

Mail Boxes

Mail Order Bride

Maintain Eye Contact

Making your own rules

Male Instinct

407

Did you hear about this shit?  Bending to the left wing liberal bullshit, Warner Brothers is taking away Elmer Fudd’s and Yosemite Sam’s weapons.  I’ve heard it all now!

408

Yup!  EXACTLY my response.  Let’s do this.  I’ll be your Huckleberry.

Ah, let’s go to the comment mail box.

boopluver

Gee I just have one thing to say Columbus did not discover America…ironically just had this conversation tonight…after being in tornado warning mode several times tonight…we know how he mistreated the natives and very lucky he did not become supper…(cannibals) i read his journals…but he landed south of America…and no not south America either…so maybe the reason for destroying the statue…who knows what goes on in their minds…as my momma used to say only the shadow knows…have a good day…be careful throwing darts…especially if you throw darts like I bowl…

Hiya Boop!  I believe I said that Columbus was credited with discovering America.  Yup, learned a long time ago that Columbus wasn’t the first one here, even if you don’t count the folks that were actually HERE when the rest of them got here.  There’s a case to be made for Leif Erikson, some Russians from the Aleutian Island chains, and a bunch of others… but, anyway yeah, no explanation as to why all the damn historic statues are being pulled down.  Or why the confederate flag isn’t allowed on NASCAR or the whole Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam thing.  It’s like the whole friggin’ country is overreacting and trying to be more politically correct than the next guy trying to placate a bunch of rioters and looters. 

As to my throwing darts like you bowl … I just keep getting this picture in my head of a bowling ball bouncing off a dart board and all my mates looking at me like I’m friggin’ crazy.

Thanks for writing Boop!

Ted K

Apparently the entire United States has gone ballistic, desiring to have another civil war. Can’t hardly stand to watch any news as I feel my brain is being washed. So sorry for the people who feel they are being belittled, how sad the USA is an example for the world to see how idiotic we’ve become!

Hey Ted, Thanks for writing!  I know, right!  I used to watch the news all the time.  Even FOX.  Now, I can’t stand it.  They are all preaching the same song.  And it’s all the same left wing bullshit.  We’re all sailing down the same river and it’s leading to the same waterfall that’s going to dash us all on the rocks below.  And it seems there’s only a few of us looking around saying, “How the fuck do we get off this boat?” While the rest are all singing Kumbyya. 

tommy v

Loved your rants today . Some people are not only stupid but also dumb as a skunk and yes I a insulting skunks, Can anybody explain to me why no one has started telling the great Judges that if they can tear down all the statures why has not marten l. king . sorry

Tommy V!  Thanks for writing brother.  MLK would have never done anything like torn down a statue.  He would never have stooped so low.  How can we rise above our history if we don’t remember our history.  And how can we remember our history if we destroy our history.  That’s just one, very small point of view.

Now, let’s get back to the fun stuff, shall we?

409

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Bet you didn’t think about that, did ya!

411

“Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.” ~ Robert Heinlein

412

Stephanie has way too much time on her hands.

413

That is so cool!  That is some amazing artistry!

414

Now, that’s just bragging.  I’ve never had enough extra that I needed to use a self storage facility!

415

It sounds like a great deal, until you think, do I really want to order that from McDonalds?

416

That was way too easy!

417

No!  Just NO!

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Rather than say anything thing … I’m just going to put up some pictures of protests that Lynn send in.  If this makes sense to you … well … then I don’t know what the hell you are protesting.

418419420421 

Until next time dear friends.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1755

  1. Stephanie says:

    Amazing your powers Oh Immense Ruler Over the Lowly Subjects.
    I threaten to expose the unseen force field top you and it flees as if set afire.

  2. Stephanie says:

    Alright here w go again.

  3. Leah D says:

    I was watching a news video, heard a small child cry out, and nearly jumped out of my skin.
    We have lived in total isolation since the first part of March. Then I realized the reporter must be working from home.
    I made a call to the mail order pharmacy, to get prescriptions, and heard a baby cry. I asked if she was working from home? She was, and we talked and laughed a lot about the current situation.
    I told her how one of my granddaughters chose a day care that was very close to her work. So now she has to get up early to drive the many miles to drop her toddler at day care, then drive those miles back to her house to work.
    There are a lot of people out there, looking forward to going ‘back to work’.
    Are you one of them? Or have you enjoyed being at home, working off the dining room table?

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