Dragon Laffs #1738



Good Morning Campers,

Wow!  60 Days of teleworking.  60 days of being exiled from the kingdom.  60 days of social distancing.  That’s a lot of working from home.  I really didn’t expect this to go for this long.  Not from the US Air Force.  Although I can see it winding its way down, now they are saying to expect it to pick back up again in the fall and winter.  I really don’t know.  cow

Today is Wednesday for me and I’m going on a road trip!  I’ve taken the day off to buy a cow!  Never done that before.  WTF CowSomething Mrs. Dragon and I are doing for the first time.  Actually, we aren’t buying a whole cow, we are buying a quarter of a cow.  I’m really not sure how you buy a quarter of a cow, since this is the first time I’ve ever done so, I now he’s … or she … is going to walk a bit funny that’s for damn sure.  But, I guess we’ll find out later on today.  ROAD TRIP!  DAY OFF ROAD TRIP!


In search of the quarter cow… but first some fun



Even on Gilligan’s Island they listened to the Professor, not the Millionaire.


So, anyone wanna take bets on 2021?
Volcano? Locusts? Asteroid?
New Nickelback Album?


You go Betty!!!

I don’t know about you, but I’m fucking sick of all the “We are all in this together” commercials and the fake ass caring tone in their voices.

You know, me too.  I know some of them are being honest, but most of the companies have done nothing more than put together those commercials simply to put together a commercial to put the words “caring” and their logo on the TV screen in front of us.  Take the damn money you spent on the commercial and pay the employees you laid off instead.  Show some caring to the people who cared about you by working for you all those damn years.


We can only be friends if you’re kind of an asshole.  Not a full blown asshole because that’s no fun.  And if you’re not an asshole at all then that won’t work either.  A halfway asshole.  Those are my kind of people.

You know … I think that kind of works.


(True story)  In high school biology class, the teacher was explaining that in human reproduction the female produces just one egg, and the male contributes 80,000 sperm. One girl said: “Sheez, you guys really gang upon us, don’t you!!


5 year old daughter:  Mom, why is some of your hair white?

Me:  *Smiles* Every time you make me sad, another hair turns white.

Daughter:  *Wide eyed* Wow mom, what did you do to Grandma?


Damn!  If only I’d known about this place years ago!

Cracking The Human Resource Code


Most of our competitors don’t pay much either.

We have no time to train you.

You’ll be here very late, very often — might as well be comfortable.

Your first four projects are already way overdue.

Did we mention that you’ll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

We have no quality control.

Female applicants must be childless.

If you’re old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive’s nephew.

Due to consolidation, you’ll be replacing three people.

This company is a total mess.

You’ll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

Listen to management, figure out what they want, don’t ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.



cow a


So, about an hour and a half each way, we find the place in a little town almost on the Illinois border.  Great drive.  Back roads, north western Indiana, cloudy day, but no rain or anything.  No traffic at all on the roads.  My rule cowis 9 miles or less over the speed limit and you are normally fine.  It’s cow aa little meat locker plant in a little bitty town; Wonderful people, walk in the door, tell them who we are, that we’ve never done this before and they are SO overly helpful.  Just wonderful, down home, Indiana hospitality.  So we pack 207 lbs. of beef into coolers in the back of our vehicle.  Mrs. Dragon is talking to the lady about how far out they are now because of all the big meat packing plants shutting down and she said they are taking orders now for February!  So, Mrs. Dragon asked about a pig and the lady said that if you can get one, again, it would be February at the earliest and that’s when I walked back in Pigthe door and I said that I wasn’t a big ham eater, I just really liked the bacon and sausage and Mrs. Dragon said she liked the pork ribs and the lady said she just happened to have some sausage and ribs in the freezer up front if we’d like to buy some … and she’d call us when she got some bacon in.  LOL.  So we got a little piggy, too.   The only real problem is the stuff is so frozen it may be a week before I have anything thawed enough to grill!!!!

But, I’ll let you know how THAT works out!  So far I’m pretty happy with a variety of beef products from steaks, ground beef, stew meat, roasts, etc. at a cost with butchering and everything of $3.26 a pound.  It was tough to scrape up, that’s like a month and a half of grocery food money, but I figure that ought to last us a LONG time and more than make up for it in the long run.    If I could have done a half a cow I could’ve gotten an even better price, from what I understand.  But, so far, I’m pretty please with my search for a quarter cow adventure.  Let me know if you have any similar stories.

Now, back to the fun stuff.


Sasquastch sent me this one and says:

I saw this and thought about you. Myself, I prefer using my rather large feet to put fires out but to each his own.


It’s just a warmer, but wouldn’t it be cool to make it into a grill?  Man, I need that for my back yard!!!


From Home Security to Honor to Hooters, we are in the Hs!

Home Security


Honestly Officer





Honey (2)








At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me, “Isn’t the bride a right ugly dog.”

“Do you mind.  That’s my daughter you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t know you were her father.”

“I’m not.  I’m her fucking mother.”


No kidding.  I’ve had a couple of whiskey and cigars like that!

If you think there’s nothing better than sex, you’ve never had a cop turn on his lights behind you then pull over someone else.

I don’t know … you may not be doing it right … I’m still going with the sex.



I like this one.  Kinda like the last one from a few years ago that said, “I’m an Asshole.  Not running for anything …”  Yeah, I know a few people who could put up this sign.


Remember the little kid cutting out pictures on the money that I said were hundred euro notes, got a message from Tom H that says: 

Tom H

That looks like it might be Chairman Mao on the notes, I thought Euros had multiple colors. Just checked, 100 Euro notes are green.

You were right Tom.  They are 100 Yuan notes.  Worth $14.10 each according to Google and there were 21 of them that I counted, cut up on the table, that’s $296.10 worth of cut outs!  Yeah, I’d be a little bit annoyed with little Karen.



Max Klinger and “Hot Lips” Hoolahan  and don’t you dare ask me “Who?”



There was a dog?




I’ve been accused of being the second person … many times.


This kid’s dad is probably in the military.



This is the greatest thing EVER:


And this is the perfect way to wrap up today’s issue:


And that is it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed today’s issue.

May you have a happy and enjoyable rest of your day.


Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1738

  1. Leah D. says:

    Unless you have half a cow all ground to hamburger, there is no ‘fair’ way to split half a cow into a quarter. Utah prefers to sell our Elk to rich out of state hunters who pay big time to come here and hunt. Gambling is illegal in Utah, yet you have to pay money to get in on the draw for Elk permits. Utah has Indian reservations, and Wilderness area which you can’t hunt on, except you can pay big money to hunt on Indian land, because the Elk know where to hide. The Wilderness areas have more game to hunt, but then you have to deal with Sasquatch and the law, which can be USFS, BLM, FS, or Indian Tribal Cops. Utah has big families, influenced by the Mormons, who influence the governing bodies here, so those who win the luck of the draw, hunt together, and share the kills with the others. We had to share with three others, so tried to divide the meat by 4. That’s how I know animals can’t be divided into quarters.
    And that’s HOW I TELL A STORY, as outlined in this issue.

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