Dragon Laffs #1718 — Day 35


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Good Morning Campers,

As you Probably noticed, I just a minute ago published Monday’s issue…well, I got tied up with alphabet organizations because of stuff we have going on out on the base and I didn’t realize I never set the issue up to post until I got up this morning.  And even then, not until I looked and saw it still sitting on my laptop, unfinished.  So, I quickly signed off of it and sent it on it’s way.

Sigh.

It’s gonna be one of those weeks.  I can feel it.

I’m gonna be outside of my solitude today.  I have face to face meetings scheduled, do not sure how much of this issue I will get done for you guys.  But I will do my best to have some laffs for you to enjoy.

So, without further ado…

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This one comes from Papa Dragon Most Senior and it is sure to put a smile on your face.  Well worth the click.

This video from a Florida community will brighten up your day.

Notice the bright pink golf cart at the end of the driveway.

Turn up your sound and sing along.

 

      ***   copy and paste   ***

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Flisabeck4%2Fvideos%2F10158140235242618%2F&show_text=0&width

1022

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Andy Kent for sending along today’s report. From Kirksville, Missouri comes the story of a bozo husband and wife team who went into a local drug store and grabbed several handsful of film before fleeing. And our bozos might be happily taking pictures today except for one problem. They remembered to make their getaway with the film, but they forgot something else. Their six year old son who was also in the store. He’s staying with grandpa and grandma now since he was more than happy to tell the cops where his parents lived.

1023

Got another great email from James C.  You guys are getting the stuff today, as I’m getting it.

Hey hey hey!

It’s fat Albert! No…it’s James. Just thought you should know, that your email address as given at the end of your daily posting, is missing the period between gmail and com. I couldn’t figure out why my message to you kept coming back as “undeliverable”. But I figured it out, all by myself.

I was working on the Peterbilt yesterday, (a mechanics vehicle is usually the last one to get looked after cuz he is so busy fixing everyone else’s. But not here. One of my biggest pissoffs is a piece of equipment that has things not working) so I didn’t get into town to witness the madness. I expect zombies with arms outstretched, roaming the streets looking for brains, any day now.

If I see anything worthy of note, I will report. (Saluting)

Have a fuckin kickass day!

James C

Yup, like I said, James…one of those weeks.  A missing period can be bad in so many ways.  And I agree with you 100%!!!  I can not STAND to have a piece of equipment that doesn’t do what it is supposed to do! I don’t care what it is!

Yeah, going out today.  I’ll keep my eyes open for zombies.  I keep hoping to find some.  We’ve got this whole plan set up to sit up on the roof with the rifles and coolers full of beer, we’ve even practiced a few times.  Which may be why the neighbors have stopped talking to me…not that I mind.  Don’t like my neighbors much, anyway.  Good to keep them on their own side of the fence.  Funny, the solicitors have stopped coming round as well.

Anyway, you have a fuckin’ kickass day as well, sir!

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Only if we let ourselves

So…just read that the CDC has added six more symptoms to look for for COVID-19.  We all know about the main 3: fever, cough, and shortness of breath.  But, now they are also adding: chills, repeated shaking with chills, muscle pain, headache, sore throat, and loss of taste or smell. 

Let’s see.  I’m a 61 year old guy sitting in my dining room working from home.  My dining room is the coldest room in the house, so that could account for my chills and possibly even the repeated shaking with chills (okay, so maybe that last one is a stretch) I have arthritis so I usually have pain…lots of pain.  If I ever lose my sense of taste of smell I’ll go straight to the hospital.  I amaze Mrs. Dragon with my ability to smell and taste different ingredients she uses in her cooking, especially when she tries to fool me.  Just recently she added a tiny pinch of cinnamon to her chili and I immediately picked it out.  But, I digress…my point is that with these new symptoms I can see not only many new people showing up thinking they have the virus, but many new claims of the virus as hospitals and cities clamor to get more of the government funds that are flowing from Washington.

1025

She has been out of the game for a while, Batman.

Don’t run with bagpipes.
You could put an aye out.
Or worse yet, get kilt.

1026

I got an email rant from Leah…so thought I’d share it with you guys.  We’re gonna need to get her her own stage, I think…or at least her own easy chair…

(Slightly ashamed) I finally got my taxes done!

All that work listing, counting, money paid to doctors and prescriptions, medical miles, massive math figuring out the $ I pay to volunteer, and other donations . . . all for nothing! The tax program says I’m better off taking the standard deduction.
S o o o o o o o, maybe next year it will save me all the work.
However, (shame on me) I am thinking WHY DONATE IF IT ISN’T DEDUCTIBLE?

And I wonder what will happen when everyone like me, stops donating?

(Extremely worried)  One week after Utah passed 3,000 total cases of COVID-19, Sunday’s numbers from the Utah Department of Health show the state has since added an additional thousand cases and sits at 4,123.

Over a thousand cases a week, and:

In less than a week, the statewide stay-at-home recommendation will be lifted and some businesses will begin to reopen, Gov. Gary Herbert announced last week.  Officials encourage Utahns to wear masks and to social distance as the economy reopens.

Oh right!   Just a week after Gov. Gary Herbert announced Utah’s State Parks would be open to all visitors.  So how did that turn out?   “Primitive camping was packed tighter than I’ve ever seen it, even more than a three-day holiday weekend,” said Downing, who has lived in Washington County for five years. “It’s triple that, easy. People were parking on the southern parkway, both sides of the road, where you’re not supposed to park, and just abandoning their cars, so they could hop the fence and go to the beach. … We’ve got a complete collapse of coronavirus social distancing protocols. … I’m blown away.”

“These people are coming down here, and they’re packed in, and now they’re going back to their communities,” he said. “I just watched a thing saying high school graduation can’t go forward. Why? After what just happened here? 25,000 people parked on top of each other? How do you tell a high school kid, ‘No, you can’t have a graduation’ when we’re down here spring breaking it?”

People are stupid.  And people in large groups are just large groups of stupid people. 

I really don’t know what else to say.  Maybe other than to just stay the hell away from them.

1027

Good advice at any time.

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The air is so full of sanitizer that I’m not even getting dirty thoughts these days!

1030

Please stop warning people not to ingest disinfectant.  We should just let this one play out.

1031

Good morning inmates!

Anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs?

1032

What doesn’t kill you gives you loads of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor.

And I’m here to testify to that!

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Over slept this morning and was late getting to the living room!!

401

Saw a flying saucer today.

It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.

402

Do you ever feel like you’re on Season Five of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous shit to keep it interesting?

1033

Husbands are the best people to share secrets with.

They’ll never tell anyone, because they aren’t even listening.

1034

Well, tomorrow fucking sucked.

1035

You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry.  You say, “Terry?  That’s a girls name!” 
He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin’ Terry.

1036

Husband: I’m getting you diamonds for our anniversary

Wife: Nothing would please me more

Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*

And yet this won’t end well with the husband

1037

Sometimes I make words up to sound more smartaculous.

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Wife: What are you guys playing?

Me: Hopscotch

Wife: But the kids are just hopping up and down and while you’re drinking scot-

Me:

Wife: Got an extra glass?

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fart

Farts

Fascination

Fashion Police

Fast Food

Fat

Fate

Fatherhood

Fatherhood2

Fathers

Favoritism

FBI

Fck it

Fear

Fear2

Fear3

1040

I told her to embrace her mistakes.

She hugged me

403

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.  He says “uno, dos…” *poof* …. He disappeared without a tres.

3a

404

I went to the paint store to get thinner – it didn’t work

405

I A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives

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And that is that for the day.  I hope you enjoyed.

Until tomorrow.

Cheers!

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1718 — Day 35

  1. Bill Gardner says:

    I think that you could use some new material and I submit this story for your perusal:

    <<<>>>
    I hope you can use it.

    All the best.

    Bill
    ________________________________________

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