Dragon Laffs #1716–Day 33 in Exile


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Sunday

Good Morning Campers,
     A relaxing and easy day today…yeah, right.  It’s Saturday here.  Sunday for you guys, and it’s already the middle of the afternoon before I started this thing.  Why is it the middle of the afternoon before I started this thing?
      Because my morning has already been CRAZY!  Phone calls and emails and text messages and … oh my dear dragon!
     Although….Secret_Squirrel
     After it was all said and done, all the bad stuff that was coming down yesterday, that I couldn’t talk about, all the secret squirrel stuff that was winding up and making my life an anxious ball of molten fire, it all fell through and is not going to happen.  Praise God!
     They canceled out and are going somewhere else!  Yay!
mowing dragonOh, on the plus side, I did manage to go out and mow the lawn this morning.  I even managed to do that before all the rain started, so that’s a good thing and it was even relaxing, in it’s own way.  As much as riding around on the back of a lawn mower, getting poked with sticks and branches, and stabbed with thorns and thistles, can be relaxing, then yeah, it was relaxing.
      Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on about nothing for long enough.  I know I’m bored out of my mind, and it’s not much of a mind to be bored out of, so I’m sure you guys are plenty ready to move on past this minutia and get on to the good stuff.  I did notice that we have some letters and comments to get to today, so it should be quite the interesting day…, but first, what do you say we start with some laughter?

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Today I gave my dead batteries away.

They were free of charge.

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What essential oil do you use to make your teenagers calm down?

Is it chloroform?

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404

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Probably another one of those the youngsters won’t get.

Apparently one of the symptoms of COVID-19 is having no taste?  Looking back on my exes I think I’ve been infected for years…

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The Governor of Texas has extended the “Stay At Home” order until the Dallas Cowboys win the Super Bowl…doesn’t look good for Texas.

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Please wear a mask. 

Nothing to do with the Coronavirus.

Some of y’all are just ugly.

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Got a letter from James C.  You guys remember James C.  He had the really cool company name…you’ll see it at the end of his letter after the picture.  Yup, he sent a picture, too.  I really love letters, and love letters with pictures even more!!!

Well, my fire breathing friend, things have really changed. Streets are much more quiet, everything’s closed, people are nervous, jumpy, and downright paranoid.
Me? Busier than a whore on payday. Repairs don’t get done by themselves, and since I repair transportation, paving, marine, and food service equipment, I got an essential services certificate so the hordes don’t stop me from getting on the ferry when I have to go out of town for work. So far so good.
Everything is a bitch though. I fucking near starved during the 4 days I was out doing field repairs. McDonalds gets really old, really fast. Public restrooms are closed. Great. This is going to be like central Africa with everyone digging pit latrines.
Oh well. Could be worse.i could be stuck at home, or in a cubicle.  I’m still getting my vitamin D.  I hope you are doing ok…seriously. Talk to you later.
James

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IFIXCATS Mobile Heavy Equipment repair.

      First of all James, thanks for the letter.  Love the picture, too.  I agree with your assessment.  We’ve had several scares here, of which, if you were paying attention at the beginning, I can’t really talk about, but suffice it to say, they’ve let the crazies out of the loony bin and put them in charge.  I’m glad that I am teleworking, but also have the freedom to come and go as I please.  I get out to the base often enough to stretch my legs and keep an eye on things, but keep away enough to keep my self and my family safe, so I’m good.
      Yeah, closing the public restroom thing makes no friggin’ sense to me at all.  WASH YOUR HANDS!  But do it somewhere else.  What possible sense does that make?  I’m truly glad you are able to be out and about and have and “essential ticket”.  Be well my friend and keep writing and letting us know how you are.
Cheers!  Impish D

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jeff Kimmey for sending in today’s report. From Oklahoma City, Oklahoma comes the story of bozo Kenneth Waymire who had just bonded out of jail. Not surprisingly, our bozo was in a big hurry to get home. Too much of a hurry as it turns out. He hadn’t gone very far before he was angered by a slow moving van on the highway. Our road-raging bozo veered in front of the van, making obscene gestures at the occupants and generally harassing them. When the van pulled into a parking lot, he wheeled up beside them and jumped out of the car. Unfortunately for our bozo the occupants got of their van also. All seven of them. Members of the Oklahoma City Police department’s tactical unit, in full riot gear. A check of our bozo’s car turned up some crack cocaine. He was given a speedy ride back to jail.

409

I made the mistake of telling my husband an early symptom of COVID is loss of smell.

He’s taken to passing gas in my vicinity and then when I react, informing me his helpfully “performing a health check.”

He taught the children the technique.

I may divorce him.

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breaking-news

Breaking:  Everyone at CNN has TESTED POSITIVE for Stupidity

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Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet?

Brochure.

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Don’t let anyone tell you to stay inside just because there is a tornado warning.  It’s your RIGHT to be outside.  More people die from the flu than from tornados.  That’s right snowflake, it’s your right honey.  And it’s your right to stand outside in a lightning storm, but do me a favor first, would you please, sweet heart?  Hold this metal rod way up high?  Thank you, luv..

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Facebook

I don’t really get it, myself.  If I didn’t play darts I probably wouldn’t even have an account.

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facepaw

fact

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Fail

Failure (2)

Failure

failure2

fairies

Fairness

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FairPlay

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Okay, let’s get one thing perfectly clear, shall we.  Right now, this very second in fact, somewhere in prison, someone’s asshole is being traded for a Little Debbie snack cake and it’s probably not the person’s asshole who’s even getting the Little Debbie.  So no!  You being stuck in your house, with your stuff, is NOT just like being in prison.  Have we cleared that up for you, cupcake?

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I’m as bored as an Amish electrician.

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Ontario has banned groups larger than 5.

If you’re a family of 6, you’re all about to find out who’s the least favorite!

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The longer this goes on  Happy Hour is starting earlier and earlier.

If this keeps up, I’ll be pouring wine in my cereal!

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Okay, today, let’s review how important spelling is

Let’s do some mail from the comments section, shall we?

Mail Call 1

TOM H

I’ve been to the local Walmart twice recently, looking for Raid® specifically, but willing to accept anything else on the shelf. There were no cans, bottles, strips, anything. What, are people using insecticide to spray the Wuhan bug? Or is it also being hoarded, in case there’s a shortage? I”m in Wood River, Il.

That’s funny Tom.  I actually went to the store the other day and one of the things I picked up was a can of Raid for ants, living in a house that’s got 120 year old bones means that occasionally in the spring time we get critters.  We usually get one mouse a year, I’ve already killed him, and we get ants that I have to stay on top of.  I think they like to walk in along the dryer vent, because I normally find them along near the washer and dryer.  Mrs. Dragon said she had noticed some in there so I had sprayed along the base boards and noticed my can was getting a little light, so while I was at Walmart last I picked up a new can and we had plenty here.  Let’s see.  I was in the Wabash,  Indiana store.  LOL.  Only 315 miles away.   Damn, speaking of Walmart, I just got a First Alert Flash that there was a shooting, just now in the Kokomo Walmart.  One person in custody, four others being sought.  Have to watch the news to see what that’s all about.

boopluver

Hello from ohio…just wanted to let you know I went to the store no butter again…I mean yeah that expensive butter..but I am afraid to ask why would someone want all that butter…but this is Wal-Mart but down the street they have plenty…and wal mart finally has toilet paper and more than 4 rolls..but no hand sanitizer or rubbing alcohol ..if I could find aloe Vera and rubbing alcohol make my own…we still are in home schooling mode ..things are not reopening yet…and I really hope that I gradual…just think of all the stories you can tell your grandchildren…keep up the good work…it is nice to laugh and smile once in awhile…since Riley does not talk…I feel my conversations with her are wasted…but nice to hear a voice other than the ones in my head

Okay, so Walmart doesn’t have Raid or butter…I’m sensing a pattern here.  Although, one is in Ohio and one is in Illinois and Indiana is in between.  Now, I haven’t checked our Walmart for butter…well, actually, I DID buy butter, but the regular kind, not the expensive kind…although I do like that Irish, grass fed butter.  I do think it odd, that butter needs to eat grass, but that’s another story and as far as reopening goes, we all just need to sit back and watch Georgia implode to see how that works out.  And who knows…maybe it will.  I doubt it but maybe it will.

Leah D

My daughter bought her dad some fresh berries, which he likes to pour a little whipping cream on. No cream, she had to buy cool whip!
I have needed Jet Blue or a comparable rinse aid for my dish washing. None! I’ve been looking for several weeks. I guess since people are at home, having to cook their own meals, there is a big rise in the need for dishwasher supplies?
I have been looking for PainStop and Theraworxs. I can find them, but the prices are enormous for such small bottles!
But we can live without those items. What I really NEED, is a miracle, so my brother can live.

I’m sensing a pattern here.  Leah, did your daughter try to buy her cream at Walmart?  I’m just askin’ cause there seems to be a theme going on here today with you guys…
And your Jet Blue, PainStop, Theraworxs, you guys all going to Walmart?
Anyway, what’s this about your brother needing a miracle?  Is this the one that works in the lab?  What’s up with that?

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Why is immature spelled I’m mature?

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Went to this horrible bar called the Fiddle.  It really was a vile inn.

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3b

I just saw a report that said that a trust source out of Japan says that Kim Jung Un is dead and another one says that he is unresponsive.  Seems the heart surgeon who was doing his routine heart surgery and putting in a stint, his hands were shaking so badly that he botched the surgery…I can understand why.  He and his entire family was probably under the threat of death if he screwed up and so what happens…he is so scared he screwed up.  But, what do I know.

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So, we’ve gone over an awful lot of stuff today and had a whole lot of fun.  I’ve still got a bunch of emails to get to, but hey, isn’t that what tomorrow is for?  People are starting to do some stupid shit out there, but that doesn’t mean that you guys have to do stupid shit.  1aI expect bigger and better things out of each and every one of you than that.  Just because your friends jump off a bridge, doesn’t mean you have to.  Anyway, like always, you can reach me at impishdragon@gmailcom or by leaving a comment at the blog and also, like always, you guys have my love.
Until next time.
Cheers!
Impish Dragon

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1 Response to Dragon Laffs #1716–Day 33 in Exile

  1. Leah D. says:

    Every time I have to clean a stove, fridge, whatever, I KNOW it was designed by men.
    Every time I have to deal with a pandemic, I get the same feeling.
    Right off the bat, I could see the lack of pre-planning and organization, that’s a man thing.
    The Great Toilet paper HUNT, complete with wrestling and knock down fights . . . do I need to say it?
    I’m just guessing, but who decided ALL hospitals would be used to treat ‘Rona?
    The same people who take over the entire house when the Super Bowl is on.
    As if the every day to day routine with everything in it’s place, but ready to take care of any issues of bleeding heads and broken bones, heart attacks and having babies is put on hold, until after the game plays out.
    If a woman had been in charge, they would have assigned one hospital in the big cities, to stay ‘Rona free.

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