Good Morning Campers,
Been a busy, busy week. Not much in the way of a lead in today. So, we’ll just have to laff instead. How does that sound?
Now, let me see if I have this straight…
If we get nuked, it’ll be by missiles built with technology given to China by Bill Clinton…funded by Iran with money Obama gave them…with warheads developed from uranium sold to Russia by Hillary and refined by Iran into weapons-grade plutonium in Russian centrifuges bought with money Obama gave them.
And Trump is trying to undo this shit storm, but HE’S the Traitor?!?!
Funny how a person has to cover up their gun in Walmart but not their ass.
Marriage Tip #2
When your wife is mowing the lawn, that’s not the best time to ask when dinner will be ready.
A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension.
The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.
Sarcasm: because torturing people in your basement is “Frowned Upon”
I warned you…and I’m sorry.
Okay, so that one deserved a warning as well,’’
A truck loaded with Vicks Vapor Rub overturned on the highway.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.
My kids say they want a cat for Christmas.
Normally, I do a turkey or a ham but hey, if it’ll make ‘em happy…
Marriage let’s you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Area 51 is where they keep all the Walmart cashiers.
And speaking of Walmart…
And actually, that started before friggin’ Labor Day!!!
I have to share this exciting news with all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got an email today from a dear friend. I have no idea who he (or she) is but they started the email “Hello my dear friend,” so… you know.
The email address is from email@example.com which according to Wikipedia is in Finland! That is so cool! I didn’t know I had any Swedish friends! And you can see that Katka could be a man or a woman’s name. But, when I looked that up, that might ALSO be the name of a place in Finland. Wow!
Anyway, the email goes on to say:
Hello my dear friend,
I have an urgent Proposal for you.
Please reply me via my private email : firstname.lastname@example.org
for more details.
Wow! An urgent Proposal! You can tell it’s urgent because the word Proposal is Capitalized!, so yeah! Wow! I’m not really sure it that’s Mr. Sathena Jacky… or Sathen A. Jacky or it could be Mrs. Athena Jacky. Now that almost makes sense, but whatever, they want me to reply me via my private email! Check it out! Private! Email! AND!!!!!!
There are MORE DETAILS!
God, I’m so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I’ve kicked that poor bullshit email around enough.
Time to move on to something else.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Run into a store with a wild look in your eyes and yell, “What year is it!?”
When someone answers, yell, “It worked!” and run out cheering.
Jokes on you, hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station’s phone number. I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
What’s the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist?
The literalist takes things literally.
The kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
I told my son we couldn’t afford something and he asked why I didn’t have more money, and I wanted to be like, “You, dude. You are entireley the reason I don’t have more money.”
Paddy was cleaning his rifle, when he shot and killed his wife, he rang 911.
Paddy: It’s me wife, I accidentally shot her, I think I’ve killed her!
Operator: Please calm down sir, can you first make sure she is really dead?
Paddy: Ok, done that. What next?
Don’t fuck with us old people…
Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store’s merchandise wasn’t in – only a few shelves and display racks set up.
One said to the other, “I’ll bet that any minute now, some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”
Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, “What are you selling here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling ass-holes.”
Without missing a beat, the old timer said, “You must be doing well. Only two left.”
Seniors – don’t mess with us. We didn’t get old by being stupid.
Charging $50 for a $6 case of water during a hurricane is “price gouging” yet $700 for a $5 vial of insulin is “healthcare.”
Lady in front of us in 15 items or less lane with about 30 items, so I smiled and said, “Math wasn’t your strongest subject, was it?”
Doing some home renovations and knocked down a wall only to find a secret, fully furnished room…and then I remembered we live in a duplex.
So that’s it. Enough for one day. I hope you all enjoyed this week’s offering.
Love and cheers to you all.