Good Morning Campers

I’d like to start off by thanking the following people for jumping right in and donating already.

Scott H.          Daniel W.          Henry S.          Ginny K.          Leah H.          Joseph P.

Most of these fall into the “Usual Suspects” category.  People who have donated year after year and I thank you all very much.  It is most deeply appreciated.

For the rest of you, please consider hitting the donate button and sending a couple of bucks our way.

Now, on with the show…

When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word…I’ll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

You drop something when you were younger, you just pick it up.

When you’re older and you drop something, you stare at it for a bit contemplating if you actually need it anymore.

One way to find out if you are old is to fall down in front of a lot of people.  If they laugh, you’re still young.  If they panic and start running to you, you’re old.

And just like that…1969 was 50 years ago.

They: What inspires you to get out of bed every morning?

Me: My bladder mostly.

Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but do you know who’s always there for you?

Laundry.

Laundry will always be there for you.

A police recruit was asked during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”

The reply, “Call for backup.”

There are two ways of arguing with a woman.

Neither one works.

And when you DO argue with a woman and you know you are right…

…apologize immediately.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.  Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.  She goes Tuesdays, and I go Fridays.

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!” (“Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.”)
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what has happened. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, “Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.”
“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”

A liberal’s paradise is a place where everyone has guaranteed employment, free comprehensive healthcare, free education, free food, free housing, free clothing, free utilities, and NO Firearms …

And believe it or not, such a place already exists:

It’s called Prison. 

My wife was going through her wardrobe, she said, “Look at this, it still fits me after 25 years.”

I said, “It’s a scarf.”

Sometimes I just have to tell myself it’s just not worth the jail time.

My Head Hurts.

I think my horns are coming in.

Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon.

Lesley Stahl did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before our involvement in the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands.

Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old customs.

Ms. Stahl approached one of the Afghani women and asked, “Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?”

The woman looked Ms. Stahl straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, “Land mines.”

No matter what language you speak or where you go the moral of the story is:

BEHIND EVERY MAN, THERE’S A REALLY SMART WOMAN.

And that, dear friends, is that.

Please remember to hit the donate button and send a couple of bucks our way.

Love you lots,

Cheers!

Impish Dragon