Good Morning Campers,

So, I’m getting really tired of this shit!

This part of Dragon Laffs has been nothing but bitching for months!  And here I go again!  Saturday, some lovely friends came over and helped us with some stuff in the back yard.  The biggest part was to get my neighbor’s roof out of the back yard, but since they bought their kids with them, some of the teenagers decided to pull vines and weeds from behind the pool.  I wish I had taken a before and after picture so you could see the incredible job they did!

But, in the process of that, I came in contact with a plant that didn’t agree with me.  I don’t think it was poison ivy, although that’s what the doctor thinks, because out of 12 kids and 6 adults I’m the ONLY one who had a reaction.

So, it was bad enough that I didn’t get any sleep Sunday night for the itching.  I stayed home from work Monday and then before bed drank myself into an alcoholic daze so I could sleep.  Only ended up with about an hour or so worth.  Tuesday I went to work because I had appointments I couldn’t miss and by Tuesday evening it was bad enough that I went to the doctor at immediate care.

This is what it looked like on Tuesday when I went to the doctor:

She gave me a shot, steroid pills, and a special lotion.  Oh, and on the way to the doctor….a truck threw a stone and cracked my windshield!

Tuesday night, more alcohol, still less than an hour’s sleep.  We are now up to the point where I am on about two hours sleep since Saturday night and I am little more than the Walking Dead.

Wednesday, the infection is worse and I go home from work early.  Oh, and so you don’t get the wrong idea, It’s not just my right arm.  It’s both arms, left leg, and neck.  But, by God, I’m going to get some sleep and so even more alcohol ensues.  This is what I’ve drank since this crap started.

Just to be fair, the Smirnoff and the two Captain Morgan bottles on the right in the back weren’t full, but they were more than half full.  I estimated that I drank about 25 to 30 ounces of alcohol each night for the last 4 nights.  That’s like 25 to 30 shots.  Weird thing is, no morning after effects.  No hangover, no headache.  Hey!  There’s that silver lining!

Today is Thursday and I woke up to find that it has now moved to my body and gotten worse again.  This is what the arm looks like now:

I’m about out of alcohol in the house now, but I will finish what’s left tonight.  It’s the itching….it’s driving me batty! 

So….that’s been my week, how’s yours been?  But, I know for a fact, we need to do some laughing. 

Let’s start off with one from my Dad…Papa Dragon Most Senior.

Way to go, Dad!

When someone says, “stop living in the past” I say, “but the music was so much better back then.”

I did too.  Like I said, better music.

My wife is amazing.  For my birthday she purchased a $250,000 life insurance policy and a trip to the Dominican Republic for me.

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend…

I Stood Up Too Fast, Again!

My local cinema got robbed of $1,000 yesterday.  The thieves got away with two jumbo popcorns, two large Cokes, and a packet of Skittles.

For every cigarette you smoke, God takes an hour from your life and gives it to Keith Richards.

“And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.”

Then he made the earth round.  He laughed and laughed and laughed!

My mind is like my internet browser…
19 tabs open, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

That is so perfect.  Why didn’t I think of that?

My dad always said, “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”

Well, I did it!  Available balance: $9.11…

Warning:
My mouth is a bit like a magician’s hat…You just never know what’s gonna come out of it.

Superman: Single

Batman: Single

Spiderman: Single

I get it now…

I’m single because I’m a superhero.

My energy level is equal to that of a Sloth on Xanax.

The more I do laundry, the more I am convinced that towels are lint held together by thread.

I tried cooking dinner with wine tonight.  It didn’t go so well.  After 5 glasses I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.

You know you’re a bad driver when Siri says, “In 400 feet, stop and let me out.”

Everyone has a hidden talent they don’t know about until the tequila is poured.

A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me, “This dog tells me you’re on drugs.”

I said, “You think I’m on drugs? You’re the one talking to dogs.”

 

SNAUGHFLATULING:

Laughing so hard that you snort and then you fart, then laugh again because you farted when you snorted because you laughed.

Okay, so let’s wrap up today’s issue with some of these…

 

And that, my dear friends, is that.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon