Dragon Laffs #1624


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Good Morning Campers,

So, last Saturday I told you that the job posting closed on Friday.  Well, it seems that I found out on Saturday…after the issue published…that they didn’t get enough applicants (by some magic formula they must use) and they kept it open for another week…which means that it closes today.

This is killing me!

All I know is my application package has been received.  Not that it’s been accepted, or forwarded, or anything.  Just that they got it.

I’m going to scream. 

But, before that happens, …

sign laff

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The bad news is, I accidently too the wrong medication this morning.

The good news is, I’m now protected from heartworms and fleas for the next three months.

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FACT: If someone is playing Christmas music in October, you’re legally allowed to kill them and use their corpse as a Halloween decoration.

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That’s so disheartening….

You know what rhymes with Friday?

Vodka.

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An Interesting Word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “Fuck”. It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, “Fuck” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and intransitive (John was fucked by Mary). It can be an action verb (John really gives a Fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a Fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific Fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, Fuck, he’s also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word “Fuck.”
Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:
1) Surprise — “What the Fuck are you doing here?”
2) Fraud — “I got fucked by the car dealer.”
3) Resignation — “Oh, Fuck it!”
4) Trouble — “I guess I’m fucked now.”
5) Aggression — “FUCK YOU!”
6) Disgust — “Fuck me.”
7) Confusion — “What the Fuck…?”
8) Difficulty — “I don’t understand this fucking business!”
9) Despair — “Fucked again….”
10) Pleasure — “I fucking couldn’t be happier.”
11) Displeasure — “What the Fuck is going on here?”
12) Lost — “Where the Fuck are we?”
13) Disbelief — “UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!”
14) Retaliation — “Up your fucking ass!”
15) Denial — “I didn’t fucking do it.”
16) Perplexity — “I know Fuck-all about it.”
17) Apathy — “Who really gives a Fuck, anyhow?”
18) Greetings — “How the Fuck are ya?”
19) Suspicion — “Who the Fuck are you?”
20) Panic — “Let’s get the Fuck out of here.”
21) Directions — “Fuck off.”
22) Awe — “How the Fuck did you do that?”
It can be used in an anatomical description — “He’s a fucking asshole.”
It can be used to tell time — “It’s five fucking thirty.”
It can be used in business — “How did I wind up with this fucking job?”
It can be maternal –“Motherfucker.”

And that’s all the fuck I know about that!

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“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” –G. K. Chesterton

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“I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.” – John Boyton Priestly

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Here’s an interesting essay.  Thanks to Momma Diaman for passing it on

THE PINEHURST PRESS NEWS & VIEWS

BY T J & WEBB

Interesting Take on Electric Cars

This is for Engineers out there, surely there should be a rebuttal to this article.  Say it isn’t true!

As an engineer I love the electric vehicle technology.  However, I have been troubled for a longtime by the fact that the electrical energy to keep the batteries charged has to come from the grid and that means more power generation and a huge increase in the distribution infrastructure.  Whether generated from coal, gas, oil, wind or sun, installed generation capacity is limited.  A friend sent me the following that says it very well.  You should all take a look at this short article.

INTERESTING –  ONE OTHER QUESTION. IF ELECTRIC CARS DO NOT USE GASOLINE, THEY WILL NOT PARTICIPATE IN PAYING A GASOLINE TAX ON EVERY GALLON THAT IS SOLD FOR AUTOMOBILES, WHICH WAS ENACTED SOME YEARS AGO TO HELP TO MAINTAIN OUR ROADS AND BRIDGES. THEY WILL USE THE ROADS, BUT WILL NOT PAY FOR THEIR MAINTENANCE!

In case you were thinking of buying hybrid or an electric car:

Ever since the advent of electric cars, the REAL cost per mile of those things has never been discussed. All you ever heard was the mpg in terms of gasoline, with nary a mention of the cost of electricity to run it . This is the first article I’ve ever seen and tells the story pretty much as I expected it to

Electricity has to be one of the least efficient ways to power things yet they’re being shoved down our throats.  Glad somebody finally put engineering and math to paper.

At a neighborhood BBQ I was talking to a neighbor, a BC Hydro executive.  I asked him how that renewable thing was doing.  He laughed, then got serious.  If you really intend to adopt electric vehicles, he pointed out, you had to face certain realities.  For example, a home charging system for a Tesla requires 75 amp service.  The average house is equipped with 100 amp service.  On our small street (approximately 25 homes), the electrical infrastructure would be unable to carry more than three houses with a single Tesla, each.  For even half the homes to have electric vehicles, the system would be wildly over-loaded.

This is the elephant in the room with electric vehicles.  Our residential infrastructure cannot bear the load. So as our genius elected officials promote this nonsense, not only are we being urged to buy these things and replace our reliable, cheap generating systems with expensive, new windmills and solar cells, but we will also have to renovate our entire delivery system!   This latter “investment” will not be revealed until we’re so far down this dead end road that it will be presented with an ‘OOPS…!’ and a shrug.

If you want to argue with a green person over cars that are eco-friendly, just read the following.  Note: If you ARE a green person, read it anyway.  It’s enlightening.

Eric test drove the Chevy Volt at the invitation of General Motors and he writes, “For four days in a row, the fully charged battery lasted only 25 miles before the Volt switched to the reserve gasoline engine .”  Eric calculated the car got 30 mpg including the 25 miles it ran on the battery.  So, the range including the 9-gallon gas tank and the 16 kwh battery is approximately 270 miles.

It will take you 4.5 hours to drive 270 miles at 60 mph.  Then add 10 hours to charge the battery and you have a total trip time of 14.5 hours.  In a typical road trip your average speed (including charging time) would be 20 mph.

According to General Motors, the Volt battery holds 16 kwh of electricity.  It takes a full 10 hours to charge a drained battery.  The cost for the electricity to charge the Volt is never mentioned , so I looked up what I pay for electricity.  I pay approximately (it varies with amount used and the seasons) $1.16 per kwh. 16 kwh x $1.16 per kwh = $18.56 to charge the battery.  $18.56 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.74 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.  Compare this to a similar size car with a gasoline engine that gets only 32 mpg.  $3.19 per gallon divided by 32 mpg = $0.10 per mile.

The gasoline powered car costs about $20,000 while the Volt costs $46,000-plus.  So the American Government wants loyal Americans not to do the math, but simply pay three times as much for a car, that costs more than seven times as much to run, and takes three times longer to drive across the country.

You know I saw the title of another article, but didn’t get a chance to read it, it was in the vein of whatever happened to all the electric cars that got great mileage…or something to that effect.  So, I’m looking for different opinions here, so let’s hear them!

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UNACCEPTABLE HUMOR

 

 

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

 

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

 

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

 

A wife says to her husband you’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.

 

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You’re obviously not listening”.

 

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

 

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!

 

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

 

There’s a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

 

You can say lots of bad things about pedophile’s but at least they drive slowly past schools.

 

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it’s regular people-porn, you sick bastard.

 

A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”

 

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

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The Whelpling sent me this next one.  I LOVE IT!!

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Just got to this next one in time…
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And that’s it for today folks.  I hope you all have a great week.

Cheers!

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1624

  1. Ginny. says:

    Hey you with such little faith…they are toying wih you…you will be granted the promotion because you are the BEST! Great blog this weeks….chill out for the weekend,

  2. Chris says:

    Hi, As always enjoy you blog.
    On the article about electric cars, I did not check all the math but I do know the price of electricity in the US is not $1.16 per kwh..it;s about 10% 0f that, according to google the average is about 12 cents per kwh. With that kind of error I would doubt the entire analysis.
    Chris

    • Joe says:

      The article was written by a Canadian so their prices would be different, but no, I didn’t check their prices. My question has always been about how batteries work in cold weather. Regular car batteries sure don’t seem to like it.

  3. Leah D says:

    I’d cross my fingers for you to get that job, however, the way things have been going with me, it would probably just ‘X’ you out!

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