Dragon Laffs #1612


Header1612

Good Morning Campers,

You know what else I missed talking about last week?  The Summer Solstice and the first day of Summer.  But I am clear to tell you now what I couldn’t tell you last week.  I couldn’t tell you about the Summer Solstice because the Summer Solstice or Midsummer is a HUGE deal in the Mythological and Fae Communities.  You see, Lethal and I were actually at Stonehenge and then Chichen Itza…or maybe it was Chichen Itza and then Stonehenge…the night, Midsummer Night to be exact, is kind of a blur.  I know there was drinking, and the gathering of herbs, and fires…lots and lots of fires.  Rolling burning wheels down hill into lakes, poles covered in flowers being burnt, things like that. 

And I kept running into witches who thought it was bloody funny to “pretend” to have no powers and then pulling practical jokes.  They have a really warped sense of humor.

Anyway, it was an interesting weekend. 

At least …

I think it was.

Let’s get on to the good stuff.

sign laff

4487

 

What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-Squats.

I’m sorry

4488

Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?

There is no menu.  You get what you deserve.

Yeah, for that one, too.

4489

I don’t normally cook…does anyone know how much vodka you add to mashed potatoes?

4490

So, I’m at Walmart returning 37 pool noodles (because of youth ministry) and rather than explaining the whole story of why I’m a grown man returning 37 pool noodles, when asked, “Reason for return?” I just said, “The grocery list said noodles, but not what kind…boy was my wife mad!”

4491

Concentric Star Trail Rotating Around the Star Polaris, British Columbia

A star trail is a type of photograph that uses long-exposure times to capture the apparent motion of stars in the night sky due to Earth’s rotation. A star-trail photograph shows individual stars as streaks across the image, with longer exposures resulting in longer arcs. Typical exposure times for a star trail range from 15 minutes to several hours, requiring a “Bulb” setting on the camera to open the shutter for a period longer than usual.
The result is stunning!

2c

You know you live in a small, rural town when this is a common occurrence:
2a1

Yes, this is the little town I live in.  That is the CVS on the left and the county courthouse on the right (behind the red traffic light and in front of the tower you can see in the background) and yes, that is a John Deere tractor who just politely let the white pickup truck into traffic from the CVS.  Yes, I live in a little town.

The story of the snowman:
It had been snowing all night. So at ….
8:00: I made a snowman.
8:10: A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15: So, I made a snow woman
8:17: My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere
8:20: The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead
8:22: The transgender person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts
8:25: The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28: I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white..
8:31: The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa
8:40: The Police arrive saying someone has been offended
8:42: The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role
8:43: The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction
8:45: TV news crew from CNN shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, “Snowballs” and am called a sexist.
9:00: I’m on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
9:10: I am asked if I have any accomplices… my children are taken by social services
9:29: Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded
Moral: There is no moral to this story.  It’s just the world in which we live today and it’s going to get worse.

Sadly, a few years ago we would have laughed and laughed and now….we are all nodding and saying, yeah….it could happen.

4492

I recently got sent an email, thanks K2, with a bunch of pictures with captions that will either lower your body temperature, scare the crap out of you, make you laugh out loud, or make you go hmm.  I’m going to call this group:

New One

I thought it was a very catchy title for a new group of pictures.  You know, pictures that will either lower your body temperature, scare the crap out of you, make you laugh out loud or make you go hmm.  You know, ones that have captions and were sent… okay, so it’s not funny anymore, I get it.  So let’s enjoy some:

6a

Or is it that THIS now is the disinformation and the first part was true?

6b

We can lean an awful lot from the Swiss

6c

You know…that’s probably a good thing.

6d

1981!!!  NINETEEN – FRIGGIN’ – EIGHTY-ONE!!!!!  (I was in Germany and 23-years-old.)  We’ve gone 37 years in-a-friggin’-row of letting our children be murdered!!!!  That is fucked up!

6e

That’s not right.  It can’t be right.  I think it’s the other way around and it’s people who get up early who are the crazy ones.

6f

Nope.  It ain’t right.  Pizza cures wareism.

6g

And that figures, too.

4493

“Florida has had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but the last one was due to climate change.”
Yeah, right.  That makes sense.  duh

4494

Isn’t it weird that in AMERICA…our flag and our culture offend so many people…but our benefits don’t??
banging head

4495

And that’s it for today’s issue.  I hope you all enjoy and have a great 4th of July.

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5 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1612

  1. Leah D says:

    Talk about crazy . . .
    Last year I had to call the fire department because my neighbors thought it was ok to burn a downed tree in their back yard. The flames were so high, they were licking the leaves of another dead tree.
    I thought they got the message, but guess they forgot after a year.
    These people took what was a showcase yard when they bought the house, and never watered anything. So they are more in danger of flying sparks than anyone else.
    Yet, they started with the huge fires, which are against the code, a week ago,
    One night at 1:00 am, I really wanted to call, but was too much in pain, and too drugged trying to get rid of the pain, to make sense to a dispatcher. It wasn’t just the pain that kept me awake, it was the worry my house would burn.
    This morning, after I got rid of the drugged fog with a couple cups of coffee, I made the call, since they had a HUGE log that was too long to fit in the firepit, on fire, and bits are dropping off and staring their grass on fire.
    When the firemen come, I bring them into my home, to the top level of three, step to the balcony and show them what is going on.
    Their question: “Does the smoke get in your house and bother you?”

  2. Rodney says:

    Hey, at the Karma restaurant, you also get just desserts afterwards.

  3. Ginny. says:

    Another fun issue to sit back and enjoy. Hope you have a great weekend and
    get all prepared for the 4th of July on Wednesday.

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