Dragon Laffs #1609


Header1609

Good Morning Campers,

It’s Sunday.  Yeah, for you guys, last Sunday.  It’s been a really difficult time and it’s affected (?)…effected (?) … I always get stuck on that one…let’s see, what was that rule?  Oh yeah, I remember:
2c

Okay, got it!  So, …. where was I?  Oh yeah… ahem… It’s been a really difficult time and it’s effected not only me, but my family, all of you campers, … anyway … I’m not going to rehash the difficulties I’m having, no …. my point is that I did something I haven’t done in a long time.  I’ve taken the day off from everything and done what I wanted to do. 

No, I’m not ignoring Mrs. Dragon.  Thankfully she is sleeping quite well and resting.  I’m available if she needs me.

And Izzy Dragon is locked in her own little world today, but it’s okay, they know her there.

I shut off the TV, the phone, all the rest of that crap and read for a while, then I got a little antsy and turned on some music.  MY music.  Something I haven’t done in a long time.  And then I made a complete ass of myself!  It’s been so much damn fun! 

With Papa Dragon Most Senior being a musically prodigy, and I mean that in all seriousness, he started playing as a kid, self-taught and has been playing professionally up until last year when he just couldn’t anymore.  Sax, clarinet and flute, but in all honesty I’ve seen him play all kinds of instruments.  Anyway, considering all that, it probably comes as a HUGE surprise to find that I have NO musical talent.  None.  I couldn’t carry a tune in a hand basket to hell, with help.   Why is it that those of us who love music the most can’t do anything with it?

Well, today, that didn’t stop me.  You guys remember that scene with Tom Cruise in his underwear and socks where he slides into the room lip syncing to Bob Seger’s Old Time Rock and Roll in Risky Business?  Yeah, well compared to me today that was calm and understated.

And before any of you ask, no, there are no recordings or pictures.  You would truly be horrified, so be thankful…BUT MY POINT in all of this, is what a mood enhancer it’s been!  My voice is hoarse, my body hurts, but my spirits are soaring!  Hugely, highly recommended.

All my problems are still here.  And I still care, but it almost seems easier to deal with…almost.

Let's Laugh1

So, someone asked, “What’s a dragon’s playlist like?”

It’s got a little bit of everything.  Songs that I like because I like them, not because they are anything else.  Very eclectic.  Okay, so the best I can do is put the next randomly selected songs down as they are played.  Right now it’s Whipping Post by the Allman Brothers.

Oh, and speaking of music, anybody out there have a digital copy of  Grace Slick’s solo album, Dreams?  Two songs on there I really love, The title track Dreams and the second song, Diablo.  Neither Itunes or Amazon has it.

Barenaked Ladies, If I had 1,000,000 Dollars.

4442

Crosby, Stills, and Nash – Just a Song Before I Go

Another medical breakthrough.

A couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers labor pain to the baby’s father.
He asked if they were interested.  Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.  The husband was still feeling fine.  The doctor then checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%.  The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband continued to experience no pain.  She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the mailman dead on the porch.

Alice Cooper – Only Women Bleed

4443

Gawd, that was awful on so many levels.

Alan Parson’s Project – Games People Play

7

 

Rhythm of the Falling Rain by The Cascades

Ain’t No Sunshine by Bill Withers

War Pigs – Black Sabbath

Breakdown Ahead – Boz Scaggs

Okay, that’s enough, I guess you guys get the idea. Kind of an eclectic mix, right?

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? 1) Democrat’s Answer: Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH! 2) Republican’s Answer: BANG! 3)Southern Republican’s Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click …(sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester Silver Tips or Mom’s Hollow Points? Son: Git-R-Dun Pop! Can I do the next one? Wife: You ain’t taking THAT to the taxidermist!

 

I’m pretty sure I’m part Southern Republican.

 

 

What’s wrong with this picture?

3a

Well, above and beyond the hilarious spelling error, it’s right

in front of my work building. That’s right folks, that’s a

product of a proud Air Force Civilian Employee.


Laziness (n.) – Risking to drop everything you carry rather than walking twice.

Web MD (n.) – Something that makes a mild cold into a deadly disease that will kill you within 24 hours.

4444

Poor (adj.) When you have too much month left at the end of your money

Vegetarian (n.) – A bad hunter.  Someone who survives by consuming not food, but the stuff that food eats.

4445

Calories (n.) – Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.

Irish Handcuffs (n.) – When a person is carrying an alcoholic beverage in both hands at the same time.

4446

I don’t know, but that makes pretty much sense to me.  How else is the fire going to get out?

Feet (n.) – A device used for finding Legos in the dark.

That’s nice (phr.) – What you say when you’re talking on the phone and you zone out in the middle of the other person’s story.

4447

Money can’t buy happiness (phr.) – A saying created by poor people to help curb their jealousy of the rich.

Relationship (n.) – The ability to put up with someone’ else’s bullshit, usually of the opposite sex, for a very long period of time.

3c1

Orgasm (n.) – The meaning of life.

English (n.) – A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary.

4448

Cell phone (n.) – A device used for looking less alone while in public places by yourself.

Single (n.) – A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.

4449

Definitely Democratic thinking.

Synonym (n.) – A word used in the place of the one you can’t spell.

Balanced diet (n.) – One cheeseburger in each hand.

4450

 

Five Unshakeable Facts
1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.
2. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.
3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.
4. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.
5. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg, and Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

4455

I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently the sign “Stroke Patients Here” meant something completely different than I assumed.

4456

I am going to end this issue with this friggin’ awesome story.  Thank you Ginny, another Jerseyite who knows that anything or anyone from Jersey can be amazing!
3f

A real estate sign that was washed away during Hurricane Sandy just showed up in France.

Diane Turton Realtors of Point Pleasant posted a photo to their Facebook page of one of their rental signs lying on the beach in France. How it got there is a truly incredible story.

The sign was discovered by beachgoer Hannes Frank on the shores of Bordeaux, France. The Diane Turton Realtors sign belonged to the Wall branch and was most likely from one of their waterfront listings.  It’s believed that the sign was washed away during Hurricane Sandy and made the impossible journey all by itself from the Garden State to France.

Friggin’ awesome!

Cheers!

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1609

  1. Rodney says:

    I see that someone already told you to see your inbox about the Grace Slick songs. But I was going to ask if YouTube would have been any help.

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    1.) WHO SAID there were no movies or photos of your “Risky Business on steroids” Tom Cruise impersonation?! Need I remind you how I always know what is happening at Casa El Dragon?

    2.) Check your inbox for your Grace Slick songs.

  3. Ginny. says:

    First might I say…it’s about time you took a “ME” day. You truly need that to restore you inner batteries. Hope Mrs. Dragon gets well real soon….It’s time to enjoy SUMMER! Great issue my
    handsome Blue Dragon….and your closing about the sign from NJ making its way all the way to France…wonder if a Pork Roll on a hard roll and cheese was attached..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s