Dragon Laffs #1597


Bad Week

Good Morning Campers,

While you’re reading this, I’m busy throwing darts for charity.  I told you about the Linda Foote Tournament on Wednesday and the fact that we’re playing for Cancer…Hopefully, I’ll do well enough to win some money.  I’ll probably just donate it right back to the charity, but we’ll see.

Anyway, why don’t we get some laughter in?

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Yup, us too.  And looking at the meat on that sandwich it’s actually bologna that’s been fried or it’s slightly undercooked Taylor’s Pork Roll, but either way, it is definitely a blast from my past.

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That goes double for infants!  To say that you FORGOT the baby was in the back seat…how in the hell do you forget that you have a baby?  I’ve forgotten a lot of things in my life, but never one of my kids.

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– Halloween  is over!
– Thanksgiving is over!
– Christmas is over!
– New Year is over!
– Valentines Day is over!

Now, I just want summer.

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You’re riding a horse full speed, there’s a giraffe next to you, and a lion chasing you.  What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

Penis Canoe

Penis

Perception

Perfect Ass

Perfect date

Perfect Kodak

Perfect Teeth

Perfection

Performance

Persistence

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Just like a woman…

A woman goes with her husband to the doctor for his exam.  After the exam, the doctor pulls the wife aside and says, “Your husband is suffering from severe long-term stress, and he is a good candidate for a heart attack or stroke.  If you don’t do the following three things, he will surely die.”

“First, every morning fix him a healthy breakfast.  Second, when he gets home, make him a warm, nutritious dinner and don’t burden him with household chores.  Third, have sex with him several times a week.”

On the way home, the husband asks the wife, “I saw the doctor talking to you and he looked serious.  What did he say?”

The wife replies, “He says you’re going to die.”

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When I text I use the word duck a lot.

Mainly because autocorrect is a ditch.

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Ain’t that the truth…ain’t that the truth.

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Once a girl takes off her bra don’t ask her to do shit.  She’s clocked off from life.

I’m a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

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My wife just stopped and said, “You weren’t even listening were you?”

I thought… “that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation?”

Pearls Before Swine is another one of my favorite cartoons.  And in case you can’t figure it out, the dude with the backwards baseball hat and the scraggly beard is the cartoonist Stephan Pastis.

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Pearls Before Swine - pb150426comb_ts.tif

Pearls Before Swine - pb150517comb_ts.tif

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Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco, and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, “Think I’m gonna divorce the wife – she ain’t spoke to me in over 2 months.”

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, “Better think it over; women like that are hard to find.”

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And that my friends is going to do it for today.  May you have a wonderful weekend, until we meet again.

Cheers! ~ Impish Dragon

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1597

  1. Ginny. says:

    Well hope you did great in your darts tornament and had fun. Hopefully you can relax and
    sleep for a change this weekend. Great job on this issue.

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