Dragon Laffs #1552


Dragon Laffs 2
Good Morning Campers,

I had reserved Friday night to write up my opening for today’s issue, but I’ve got some heavy-duty pain going on, so I’m just going to let you jump right in to the issue.  I hope for a more chatty issue next time.

Let’s Laugh!

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An illegal alien, in Polk County, Florida, who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop, ended up “executing” the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.

The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area. As soon as he took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the guy 68 times.

Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to shoot the poor, undocumented immigrant 68 times.

Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: “Because that’s all the ammunition we had.”

Now, is that just about the all-time greatest answer or what?
The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural causes. When asked by a reporter how that could be, since there were 68 bullet wounds in his body, he simply replied:
“When you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die.”

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I found this not only entertaining, but quite interesting.

 

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And here’s another one that I found quite interesting

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dragon pics

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This one was sent in by K2 and is just called Hmmmm!

*Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

* What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?

* If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

* Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?

* Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?

* Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.

* Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty

– Intentionally losing a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win.

– 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

  Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

– Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

– The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

– If you replace “W” with “T” in “What, Where and When”, you get the answer to each of them.

– Many animals probably need glasses, but nobody knows it.

– If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.

– If 2/2/22 falls on a Tuesday, we’ll just call it “2’s Day”.

   (It does fall on a Tuesday)

2898

 

This was sent to me by a good friend who I won’t name because I don’t want him to get the hate mail I know I’m going to get. I present this short essay.

To all the whiners on the left, and to the crybabies in the LGBT community, let me throw some reality into your bowl of fruity pebbles…

Nobody has a “right” to serve in the Military.  Nobody!!

What makes you people think the Military is an equal opportunity employer?  Very far from it.

The Military uses prejudice regularly and consistently to deny citizens from joining for a variety of reasons, like being too old or too young, too fat or too skinny, too tall or too short.

Citizens are denied for having flat feet, or for missing fingers or toes, poor eyesight will disqualify you, poor hearing, undernourished, Drug addiction, metal implants, Criminal history, Anxiety, Phobias, Hearing voices in your head, Self-identify as a Unicorn, handicapped in anyway, Can’t run the required distance in the required time, Can’t do the required number of pushups or sit-ups, have an eating disorder, or any kind of mental disorder, have a below average IQ, can’t read or comprehend English, can’t problem solve or make quick decisive decisions.

Are you not really a “morning person” and refuse to get out of bed before noon?   You’re out!

You have a penis but want to use the women’s restroom?  You’re out!

Don’t like the camouflage uniforms because you’d rather wear pink?  You’re out!

The Military has one job… Prepare for War against anybody who threatens the safety and sovereignty of our nation!  Anything else is a distraction and a liability.

Did someone just scream “That isn’t Fair”?  War is VERY unfair.  There are no exceptions made for being special or challenged or socially wonderful or different.

YOU change yourself to meet Military standards.  Not the other way around.

I say again:  You don’t change the Military standards… you must change yourself.

The Military doesn’t need to accommodate anyone with special needs or emotional and mental issues.  The Military needs to Win Wars.

If any of your personal issues are a liability that detract from readiness or lethality… Then Thank you for applying and good luck in your future endeavors.  Who’s next in line?

Having served for over 12 years of active duty and another 12 years as a civilian working for the military, I say hear! hear! 

The military is not, never has been, and should never become, an equal opportunity employer!  It’s too dangerous and too important of a job to be for “everybody”.  There are plenty of other ways for you to serve your country if that is truly what you want to do.

And yes!  I’m ready for the hate mail.  Go ahead and comment.

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fantasy

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You have an appointment at DL/LL Enterprises?  You’ll have to convince her, first.

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Papa Dragon sent this next one to me as a video clip and I searched around and found it on YouTube so I could share it with you guys…makes me proud to be Air Force.  The LA Speed Check

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Yup.  Best way to go to the gym!

You guys want to see what it is that I do for a living?  Here’s a link to a really good video.  Sit down, grab some popcorn or coffee and prepare to be very surprised.
https://www.nratv.com/series/patriot-profiles/video/3-echo-9/episode/patriot-profiles-season-3-episode-3-3-echo-9

Yes, I am a proud 3-echo-9

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How about some…

Thoughts on sex!

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.  
Rodney Dangerfield

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.

Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”  
Lynn Lavner

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”   Camille Paglia

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”  

George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”  Sharon Stone

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”

Jack Nicholson

 Clinton  lied.  A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”  
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)   

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place”  
Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked !”
Jerry Seinfeld

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”  
Joan Rivers


“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.”  
Steve Martin 

” You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-..aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.”
Elmo Phillips 

” Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
Oscar Wilde

” It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”
George Burns

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motivate

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You just realized…If cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what is in a can of raid!?

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A Billion dollar idea:
A smoke detector that automatically shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking!”

 

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If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.

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I talk an awful lot of smack for someone who tips over when putting on their underwear.

 

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Yeah, it’s just a tad closer than that.

Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price.

I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal.

She’s still laughing.

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Well folks, that’s if for me today.

Hope you are all well.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1552

  1. Howard says:

    Hats off to you for both another great issue and your being a 3 Echo 9er. Surprisingly enough I was on the NBC Team while in the Marines and ended up working as an Environmental Health and Safety Administrator requiring my training as a 40 Hour HazWoper. Sometimes, without even realizing it, our military training leaks over into our civilian life, LOL. But at least I know what to do if the need arises….

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