Dragon Laffs #1551


Dragon Laffs 3

Oh how I wish that were actually me…lounging by the cookie jar, relaxing, enjoying the sun, but no!  I’ve been in hiding ever since … well … it seems like forever. 

But, before we get into that, I have a special favor to ask of all of you.  Jeanie (Diaman’s Sister) fell and broke her collar bone.  Now, Diaman says she’ll be fine.  She won’t require any surgery, just a sling for a few weeks (OUCH!  Okay!  Okay!  Six weeks is NOT “just a few weeks!” Wow!  For having a busted collar bone you still have a heck of a punch!  A PINCH!??!  THAT was a PINCH!??!  Oh, I am not a baby!  NO!  Don’t do it again!)

Ahem!  Miss Jeanie will be in a sling for about SIX weeks and then possibly some physical therapy after that.  So, from all of us…
get-well-soon-card-red-flowers

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And to really help you along, a threat…
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And if you knew who my doctor was, you really will…

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Do you remember this picture that Lethal had?

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He said it wasn’t blood in the chipper, it was sap from a particular kind of tree.  And I believe him.  Hell, I saw the guys take down the trees to help with my landings and I deeply appreciate the kindness and thoughtfulness that Lethal put into that for me.  He is my brother and has my back always…

But…

Every little noise I hear sounds like a wood chipper.

Every odor I smell, smells like gasoline fumes.

Every time I close my eyes I dream of:
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Or this:
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I…I think I have a phobia.

Dracomulchaphobia.

I need to see someone.  Someone who can help me with my fears.

I did a google search for doctors who can help with the fear of wood chippers.  Do you know there is not a single one?!  Not one!  The best I could come up with is a doctor who specializes in Alchmophobia.  That’s the fear of sharp objects.  (I’d just call that common sense myself).

Anybody out there know of anyone who can help me with this problem?

Anyone?

Don’t all answer at the same time.

Okay….

Well…if you think of anyone, just … well … just add it to the comments and maybe where ever I move my hideout to, I’ll have internet access. 

For now then…

let's laugh

Great!  A wood font. 

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Did you know?
There are more airplanes in the oceans than there are submarines in the sky? (And the Mr. Obvious Award goes to…..Papa Dragon Most Senior!  Thanks for that Dad.)

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“Don’t Touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in Braille.

Arguing with a woman is like reading the Software License Agreement.  In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree.”

That moment when your steak is on the grill and you can already feel your mouth watering.  Do you vegans feel the same way when mowing the lawn?

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Dragon

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No, it’s not my sister.  Just what I thought was an appropriate picture for today.  And while we’re on the subject, there’s a rumor going round that Jeanie got her shoulder hurt by being near my landing pond during a particularly … um … ungraceful landing of mine.  That is patently not true.  Besides, the court records are all sealed, the payments have been made and don’t let the next cartoon lead you to any wrong conclusions.

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Did you know?
There is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house.  This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house has an extremely low jumping height.  (Already given out the award, but if not, it would go to the same guy.  Thanks Dad.)

If a woman says, “Do what you want.” DO NOT DO WHAT YOU WANT!  Stand still.  Do not blink.  Don’t even breathe.  Just play dead.

Groan

Okay, I’m warning you right now!  If you have a low constitution you should just skip this one completely!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!groan2

Two Chinese brothers named Hing and Ming were devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom; however, each differed greatly on how it was to be found.
One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all its feathers. The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken.

Hing immediately went back to the university. Having studied ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer to the chicken’s illness was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken’s mouth for two months. Each day he prepared the tea leaves in different recipes, coming up with dozens of courses for the sick chicken.
Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum tree leaves. Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success in this same venture, decided that the problem was quantity. Ming trusted his ancestors; after all, his family had always given him sound advice.
He gathered whole carloads of leaves and brewed barrels of the tea and poured them into the chicken for two months, all the time extolling the virtues and honor of his family’s ancestors.
Unfortunately, after two months of treatment, the chicken was still sick and naked as a bowling ball.
Apparently, all of Hing’s courses and all of Ming’s kin, couldn’t make gum tea refeather a hen.

Groan3

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So, Papa Dragon is trying to make up for his earlier submissions.  Here’s one for the golfers:

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.golfer2
‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,’ she told him.
‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hand at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trousers and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

‘Feels great,’ he replied; ‘but I still think my thumb’s broken!’

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Fantasy

Why does it have to keep being wood?  What’s that noise?
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I don’t know…it looks like Mother Nature and she looks pissed!

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Talk about living in a bad neighborhood!

Wow!  Just…Wow!

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Politicians

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6t

6u

6v

6w

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And yet they are STILL talking about Russian interference!  Go figure!

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This is pretty amazing!

How in the world did he do that????

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This next video is wild.  It’s called: When you want to play solos like Slash but your parents made you learn piano.

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Critter

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Some of the classes that the Ninja Kitties in training have to do is quite interesting.

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Motivate

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Last Word

Today’s Last Word was sent in by Diaman and it perfectly expresses the Love and Importance that Lethal and I feel for everyone of you…because we give to you are most precious gift of all.

The last wishes of Alexander the Great…

On his death bed, Alexander summoned his army generals and told them his three ultimate wishes:

1. The best doctors should carry his coffin.

2. The wealth he has accumulated (money, gold, precious stones) should be scattered along the procession to the cemetery.

3. His hands should be let loose, so they hang outside the coffin for all to see.

One of his generals who was surprised by these unusual requests asked Alexander to explain.

Here is what Alexander the Great had to say:

1. “I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal.”

2. “I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on earth, will stay on earth.”

3. I want my hands to swing in the wind, so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is:

TIME.

We do not take to our grave any material wealth.

TIME is our most precious treasure because it is LIMITED. We can produce more wealth, but we cannot produce more time.

When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never take back. Our time is our life!

The best present that you can give to your family and friends is your TIME.

May you be granted plenty of TIME, to share with all.

And that, dear friends, is all the time I have this week.  Until next time.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1551

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    I’m fairly certain a trip to The Hokey Pokey Clinic would turn your wood chipper phobia problem(s)
    right around for you.

    You know these little battery operated pencil sharpeners are in their own way like micro wood chippers…HERE CATCH!

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