Dragon Laffs #1550


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Campers

I hardly ever use the same header multiple times in a row, but I used this one, one more time because I forgot to tell you the story behind the picture.

This was taken by the security cameras outside my home cavern in Indiana as I was returning one afternoon and the picture was such a beautiful one that I just had to use it for Dragon Laffs.  The clouds were just perfect and it was a lovely sunny day.  I landed straight in my private lake and enjoyed the afternoon.  One of the few free moments I’ve had over the last 2 months.

 

The above was written prior to Lethal’s issue on Wednesday and I want you to know that I am alive and well, but I’m in hiding.  The wood chipper thing scared the crap out of me.  I don’t care what he says, that’s not red sap, that’s blood!  And probably dragon’s blood.  I’m 10gtrying to check on my friends and relatives, but I have to be careful because that might just be a way of trying to draw me out.

Everything sounds like a wood chipper.

I turned on my electric razor this morning and ran from the bathroom screaming because I thought someone had turned on a wood chipper.  Granted, when my beard gets bristly it needs a wood chipper or a weed eater or something, but still…I TURNED IT ON.  I need a break.  I know he’s out there.  I can hear him.

Sound of a knock at the door.

Oh, excuse me for a second.  That’s probably my breakfast.

Sound of footsteps on the floor and then a door opening.  100d (3)

Hi.  How much do I … oh hey Lethal.  You didn’t see a kid with my …..  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!   How did you find me!?!  Not the wood chipper!!!!  NO!  NO!!!

Thud!

More sounds of footsteps across the floor.

Hi folks.  Lethal Leprechaun here.  That sound you just heard was the idiotic blue dragon passing out and hitting the floor.  You’ll notice you didn’t hear the sound of a carcass being dragged across the floor or the sound of a wood chipper or anything else starting up, right? 

But that doesn’t mean I won’t take advantage of the situation to play a prank on my best bud.  Hee, Hee, Hee!

It’s a good thing he’s got his issue complete, so …

10hWithout further ado…

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Bank robbery scenes in movies tend to be very exciting. But this attempt didn’t go as planned! These robbers fail miserably before they even get in the door. You won’t believe the simple solution that stopped them in their tracks. Watch how this bank employee was able to keep everyone safe.

Yup, it looks to me like he locked the door.  That was pretty damn quick and pretty damn smart if you ask me!

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One of my blue brothers.  Yes, he is an albino blue dragon.  You can tell by just the tiniest hint of blue under his wings.

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Does running late count as exercise?

When one door closes, sometimes you want to get a hammer and nails to make sure that bitch stays shut!

I’ve decided I’m not old…I’m 25 plus shipping and handling.

I’m tired of getting fucked in ways that don’t end in an orgasm.

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Should have sent this one to Lethal for his wiener exposé last issue.  Sadly, I just now found it, so … here’s to you Lethal!

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Man!  I just love Halloween around this place!

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Baggy the housemeow has always been a tough little cookie, but I never thought she was this degree of crazy. All is well, everything settled, and her & Noey (the lion) are back on speaking terms.

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Ahhh, those were the days!!!

This next one is filed under the category of “Oldie, but Goodie.”  Kind of like me.  LOL.  Sent in by Diaman.  Thanks Mom.

Little Bobby and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bobby goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.

Bobby bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.”

Thinking that this was simply adorable,  Mr. Smith replies, “Well, Bobby , you are only 10.   Where will you two live?”

Without even taking a moment to think about it,  Bobby replies, “In Jenny’s room. It’s bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.”

Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, “Okay, then how will you live? You’re not old enough to get a job. You’ll need to support Jenny.”

Again, Bobby instantly replies, “Our allowance,  Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week.  That’s about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine.”

Mr. Smith is impressed Bobby has put so much thought into this.

“Well, Bobby , it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?”

Bobby just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far.” 

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

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Political

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Oh my…so much truth, so early in the morning.  I’m gonna get another cup of coffee, let’s find something funny next.

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Okay, so seriously, one of my very worst nightmares.  The damn mosquitos love me anyway, and to dream about one …. doing what these guys ….ugh!

And what in the world is wrong with our television anymore.  This is what I found on the guide the other day:
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Come on!  Really? 

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This next one comes from Papa Dragon Most Senior.  I’ve seen it before and I’ve read it before and in fact, we had to memorize this in school.  I’ll bet that’s not the case now.  But I agree with the statement that this needs to go to every computer in the U.S.
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‘In  the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to  discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person’s becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American…There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn’t an American at all.  We have room for but one flag, the American  flag… We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language.. And we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a  loyalty to the American people.’ 
Theodore  Roosevelt 1907

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This is what our education system is coming to…

Taking great pains to be specific, the new auto-shop teacher on our staff explained to three of his students that he wanted them to clean a car that was parked outside.

He gave them two extension cords, the vacuum cleaner, a bucket, rags and the car keys.

Later he went out and discovered them sitting in the car, feet up on the dashboard, listening to the stereo.

“Why aren’t you vacuuming the car?” he asked.

“Because the extension cord wouldn’t reach,” was the reply.

Exasperated, the teacher stated, “That’s why I gave you TWO extension cords.”

“We tried the other one,” a student answered, “but it wouldn’t reach either.”

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Critter

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So you think you’re having a bad day…

Then you step outside of your house and look up into a beautiful blue sky and see this:

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All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself, “Now THAT’S a big ass balloon!” And things don’t seem quite so bad.

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Last Word

10i  Today’s last word is an example of how hot it gets in a closed car.

I saw this little wooden thermometer (about a foot tall) and put it on the dashboard of my car when I got home from work…in the evening … when the sun was beginning to go down and the day was starting to cool off.

Look close at the bottom of the thermometer.  Here, let me help you out a little bit.

10j That is a blown bulb at the bottom of the glass.  Granted, it wasn’t the most expensive measuring device I’ve ever purchased, but how hot does it have to get, how high OVER 120 degrees, to actually blow the glass up?

Now, the next time you think about leaving a pet, heaven forbid, a child in the car, think about what that kind of heat can do!

It’s summer time and I hear all the time on the news about kids dying, parents being charged with murder, for leaving their kids in the car while they “run in real quick”.  There’s a lady I heard about just today who left her child in the car while she ran in to get her hair done.  She’s being charged with murder.  And it’s times like this that I think the punishment should fit the crime.  The agony that poor child must have been in.  This lady should be terminated the same way.  Put her in a hot car, with the windows all rolled up, in a car seat that she can’t get out of (just like her child) and stay there until she is dead, dead, dead.

Just my humble opinion.

And I’m out!

Cheers!

Z3

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