[The Taisech is the Celtic/Gaelic/Irish equivalent to the Italian Godfather only meaner due to his Irish temper. (BTW the font is called Corleone One )]
Terrance comes out to the podium does his best scowl you milling about before shouting out “Alright youse guys! Find yer seats fast before sumbuddy get hoit! Da big boss wants he should say a few woids now so shaddaup you faces already!”
He turns beaming at Lethal who is just standing there staring at him with an expression that is a cross between disapproval and disbelief. He then shakes his head before face palming.
Once he regains his composure he makes the come here gesture with his finger at Terrance who sheepishly goes over to him. Lethal makes a gesture for him to bend down so he might whisper in Terrance’s ear, which he does. Lethal seizes Terrance’s earlobe much to Terrance’s obvious extreme discomfort and begins speaking rapidly into the ear he’s so painfully holding on to. Terrance alternates between nodding and negatively shaking his head, as much as he can given it tugs on his ear to do either. Suddenly Lethal grow quiet, and releases the ear abruptly. Terrance’s hand immediately comes up to the ear as he receives a sharp slap to the back of the head.
Terrance’s other hand now comes up to grab the back of his head at this new pain. Lethal then, still scowling at him points off stage and motivates his movement in that direction while encouraging him not to dawdle with a swift knee in the arse.
Grumbling something under his breath about the obvious effects of Dragon Behavioral Poisoning and the need to find a replacement for Terrance as Impish’s Assistant before it becomes Acute Dragon Behavioral Poisoning he mounts the podium.
First I’d like to say thank you to all of you for taking this meeting.
Impish did something really dumb Saturday, he wantonly and publicly in a big way. He violated one of the sacred tenants of any male relationship, the ‘Sa Chód deartháir’ (or for you NY/NJ people) ‘Il Codice dei Fratelli’.
For the rest of you those both translate to the same thing- ‘The Code of Brothers’. You know might know it better by the modern term “The Bro Code”. It is an unwritten code of traditions governing acceptable behavior between a group of males, be it 2 or 2 Billion, who are so bound in friendship that they consider themselves the same as blood kin brothers.
What’s that? A question? Well speak up man! The Opening Banner? Does that mean I went all Richard Crafts on him or even worse fed him through the wood chipper alive?
ROFLMAO! Funny you should raise that question, its actually a pretty funny story-
See that not blood in the chipper, oh I know it LOOKS like blood, but its actually tree sap from a Pterocarpus angolensis, or wild teak a.k.a Bloodwood for obvious reasons. When you cut into it, it dribbles long trails of dark-red liquid down its trunk.. Tannins cause the dark red color of the sap.
Impish had been after me to allow the removal of some trees at one end of the Camp/Picnic grounds to allow him to come in lower for a landing and there for landings that didn’t mess u the camp/picnic grounds or hurt for him quite as much. See Impish is great at flying but sucks at landings as you might have noticed. While he occasionally manages a semi-decent one, most are more akin (more or less) to controlled crashes.
Anyway shortly after grousing about his violating the Bro Code and threatening retaliation, the arborist arrived to remove said trees for him as it turned out to be cheaper than building a crash damage containment/mitigation section to the end of the runway. I went and knocked on his door to get him to go with them and show them exactly which trees he wanted down. In hindsight I guess pounding on the door and yelling-
“Hey wise guy! Look outside you big blue backstabbing gecko!”
Might not have been the best course of action I have could take at the time as apparently he did, also too the red stain for blood and promptly boogied for parts unknown! I sent them to take down the tress I had marked but so far Impish still has not shown up anywhere, nor is he calling in. Hopefully this has to do with something else important he has going in in his rather vexing “real life” delusion this week and isn’t because he thinks I’m going to kill him because I’m not. Instead I intend to spend the entire issue making jokes at his expense instead until he remembers why violating the Bro Code with dick jokes to make up for your own inadequacies in said area simply isn’t ever done, especially to your best bro “lest you incur heavy penalties.”
Let’s get this sucker started shall we?
ROFL! OMG! TOO funny! Impish is trying the old “multiple me” shtick!
Too bad he’s forced to use such bad likenesses of him! Here’s a shot on the one at the Campground currently “entertaining” the kids of our corporate employees!
Ok before we get too far along and I get all wrapped up in making Impish atone for his flagrant violation of The Bro Code, lets get one important item out of the way right off, THEN I’ll get down to the serious work.
My condolences to Mrs. Dragon. Just think had you given in to your baser instinct and done away with him when he first presumed to propose you’d be out on parole by now for his murder!
Of course I’d be short a Bro Code breaking best bud, we wouldn’t be having this blog and you’d have lost the opportunity to torment him for so long!
Speaking of torment, let’s get right to it.
Speaking of Marriage Rules some advice for Impish…
And now to help celebrate their momentous occasion-
A honest to god Dragon sized Donut!
There’s no shortage of sweet and savory items on the menu at Stray Dogs in Tucson Arizona, but when it comes to dessert, you can’t miss a doughnut called The B.F.D., aka “the big freaking doughnut,” according to the chef. Tipping the scales at a whopping 9 pounds, this deep-fried beauty features a hearty smear of gooey chocolate inside and a full-coverage frosting all around.
You’re a DRAGON! There is ALWAYS food between your teeth!
An Anniversary Greeting from Mrs. Dragon to Impish
For the last week to 10 days we’ve been having Storm fronts moving through, Rain Squalls, T-storms and constantly fluctuating barometric pressure. This causes me intense pain in my knees, sometimes to the point I can barely walk or function so I have been spending a lot of time in/on this device and can attest to its comfort and capabilities. To my mind it only for lacks 2 things t make it perfect. Someplace it needs to be fitted with a cooler or possibly a mini fridge. I know, you thought I was going to say coffeemaker, that why mine has a thermal carafe! The second thing is the main area needs to be like one of those Craftmatic Adjustable beds. I could use the comfy looking couch back to sit up and actually get a wee work done but I can’t take having my knees locked out for any prolonged period so if the mattress could bend at the knees I’d be much more comfortable and able to work.
And I’m going to be speaking a LOT of it today!
It’s not ‘something’ that’s bloody hilarious Impish “old pal”- the word you want is ‘someone’ and its you.
We pause the Impish Dragon Roasting and other assorted jocularity for an extremely important Public Service Announcement/Cyber Security Alert.
HIBP Approaching 4 Billion Hacked Accounts. Including Yours?
In the early days of Google, the search engine used to include a message on the front of its site which stated the total number of pages in its index. It was 2004 when Google first hit the major milestone of having crawled and memorized a billion pages.
A few years later the total hit 4 billion, then 8. After that, Google stopped publishing the numbers because it didn’t want to divulge trade secrets to other search engines that might threaten its dominant position.
In the next few weeks, another search engine is going to reach the 4 billion milestone. But this isn’t a database of web pages. It’s a list of hacked email accounts, gathered and curated by Australian security researcher Troy Hunt. Each time hackers manage to obtain the email addresses and account details of a company’s users, and publish them online, Troy grabs a copy of the leak and adds it to his index. There are now 3.8 billion email addresses in there, and I hear rumor of another hack that might be about to add 120 million new entries.
Troy’s database is at www.haveibeenpwned.com and the idea is that you use it occasionally to check that your own email address isn’t listed in there. If it is, the system will tell you where it came from, and thus which of your passwords you need to change.
If you haven’t searched for your own email addresses on www.haveibeenpwned.com, take a minute to do so now. And do it again in a couple of months, just in case.
You all know how careful I am and what I do for a living so imagine my surprise when I found one there listed for me!
Fortunately it was for a site I used only one time and abandoned years ago but still better safe than sorry!
We now return you to the Dragon Roast already in progress.
Say These 9 Words, and We’ll Tell You Where You Grew Up
If said a certain way, these words and phrases are a dead giveaway to where you’re from.
What we call insects that glow at night
Some words are like out-of-state license plates—they’re dead giveaways that you’re not from around here. Just try rhyming aunt with can’t in parts of the Northeast or Upper Midwest (you cahn’t) or ordering a sub in Philadelphia, the epicenter of hoagie country. Not convinced? Check out this list of 13 foods that have totally different regional names. In recent years, linguists have pondered whether the homogenizing effects of TV, film, and the Internet have begun to eliminate many so-called regionalisms. To find out, Josh Katz surveyed Americans about how we talk for his book, Speaking American. The good news, based on the 350,000 responses received: American English shows no sign of disappearing. So slip off your sneakers (more on that later), grab a soft drink (ditto), and let’s take a tour of Americanisms.
[We’ll be doing the foods one next issue]
What we call a sale of household items
How we address a group of people
What we call carbonated beverages
Where we throw our trash
What we haul freight in
What we drink from in public places
What we call athletic footwear
How many syllables in caramel?
Well THAT explains why Impish cooks and does the laundry!
I told Impish not to toss his cigar butts in the toilet when he’s done!
OK sorry to interrupt again but we have a Consumer Alert- No Joke
RECALL: Hot Dog Products Marathon Enterprises Inc. Recalls Sabrett Hot Dog Products Due to Possible Extraneous Material Contamination
Class I Recall 082-2017
Health Risk: High
July 15, 2017
Congressional and Public Affairs
Gabrielle N. Johnston
WASHINGTON, July 15, 2017- Marathon Enterprises Inc., a Bronx, N.Y. establishment, is recalling approximately 7,196,084 pounds of hot dog products that may be contaminated with extraneous materials, specifically bone fragments, the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) announced today.
The beef and pork hot dog and sausage items were produced on various dates between March 17, 2017 and July 4, 2017. A number of products are subject to recall.
The products subject to recall bear establishment number “EST. 8854” inside the USDA mark of inspection. These items were shipped to retail and institutional locations nationwide.
The problem was discovered through FSIS’ Consumer Compliant Monitoring System (CCMS) on July 10, 2017. Complaints stated that extraneous material, specifically pieces of bone, were found within the product.
There has been one reported minor oral injury associated with consumption of this product. FSIS has received no additional reports of injury or illness from consumption of these products. Anyone concerned about an injury or illness should contact a healthcare provider.
Consumers who have purchased these products are urged not to consume them. These products should be thrown away or returned to the place of purchase.
FSIS routinely conducts recall effectiveness checks to verify recalling firms notify their customers of the recall and that steps are taken to make certain that the product is no longer available to consumers. When available, the retail distribution list(s) will be posted on the FSIS website at www.fsis.usda.gov/recalls.
Consumers with questions about the recall can contact John Terminello, Consumer Relations, at 1-800-SABRETT Monday thru Friday 8:30am to 5:15pm.
Once again we return you to the Dragon Roast already in progress.
The stemware for the anniversary party they’ll be having over the weekend
Well we’ve come to the end of the
retribution ah errr… ISSUE. Well honestly it wasn’t as retributive over his Bro Code transgressions as it could have been. I figure his fear of the wood chipper and the unintentional hilarity that gave me more than made up for that. No this was more of a loving roast of my best friend in honor of his 22nd Anniversary, something I in all likelihood will never live to see.
OH! WAIT! One more!
OK NOW we’re totally done- except for this last thought for Impish:
5” of running water is not deep by any standard. Further when I said the water was cold, I was talking about at the bottom of the 10 foot pool we could see 20 feet from us PAL.
Nuff said. <Drops mic>