Leprechaun Laughs # 393 for Wednesday May 3rd 2017


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I’d like to start by thanking those who sent me Get Well wishes/eCards. I’m happy to report I’m well on the mend though still tire somewhat easily.  Apparently this is a thing that’s going around down here and in school districts are reporting as much as a 35% absentee rate from it.

I’d also like to assure those who commented on the problems the blog has been enduring that your comments/questions were not ignored, just delayed in answering until this issue, when ever it is that WordPress decides to allow me to post it.

As I said I tend to still tire easily and I’m running out of steam as this opening is the last thing I need to complete before trying to upload the issue for the first time early on Sunday afternoon. So before the urge to nap completely overwhelms me let me get the issue started by asking…

Blackbird

 

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Distress at 18,000 ft.

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft.

A moment later the tower landline rang and was answered by one of the employees.

The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!”

The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!”.

He began his series of questions.

Tower: “How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me”.

Tower: “Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 mph??”

Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me”.

Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you’re flying upside down??”

Aircraft: “Because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar.”

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BURIAL PLANS…

A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?”

The wife said, “Let him dig. I had him buried upside down … and I know he won’t ask for directions.”

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Mail

Our recent posting troubles have garnered some comments of support and commiseration as well as  a couple raising a few questions/ideas/suggestions. While we both greatly appreciate any and all comments (particularly those of support and especially those from you women offering to “comfort” us) it is those last few I’d like to take a moment to address. This way you all can understand some of the reasoning and thought Impish and I have been exchanging over this problem and the condition of blog in general.

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Kyle:

We have already started discussion regarding a possible move, however please remember we have paid a substantial amount of money (some of its from generous readers) to WordPress. Money which WordPress would not be refunding to us, because according to them they’re not at fault. [cough! Bullshit!]

When we initially looked at moving we only wanted to move once because we were figuring we’d lose a great deal of the readership who were too set in their old ways to willingly switch to the new format. As a result we took our time, reading many how to’s , platform reviews and comments by knowledgeable people and other blog authors. WordPress was rated the top blogging platform in terms of what you got and simplicity of usage on both sides of the blog. Moving in all likelihood would mean paying more for less.

We barely manage to scrape together what we need to keep the blog running as it is now. We long ago gave up on the notion that we’d be able to make the blog self sustaining by adding a few revenue paying advertisers because we’ve never been able to grow
the blow to the minimum needed hits per day to be considered for even the lowest paying advertisers. Currently we receive less hits in a week than the minimum number needed per day to be considered and the number of hits has steadily been falling off over the past year.

As for advertising, we’ve tried Ad Swaps in the past, we tried “Tell A Friend” campaigns from w/in the blog, nothing has worked. Like it or not being Centrist in our point of view, believing in the application of Common Sense to governing and laws as well as the listening to and follow of the will of WE THE PEOPLE doesn’t make us a popular view point. IT is unlikely that advertising in the forums you’re suggesting is going to get us the attention of anything other than radical fringe, something we try to avoid as they tend to drive away readers when they arrive.

Finally I have used the “LethalLeprechaun @ DragonLaff.com” signature tag on several boards I have belonged to &/or Posted/Commented on in the past and never have I heard or seen anyone  who has crossed over due to it.

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Ginny:

By daily blog I’m guessing you’re referring to the old Yahoo Group method.
There are several problems with this:

1.) The membership rolls are at least 5 or 6 years out of date and if we revert back  suddenly the unwashed masses will descend howling on us because they didn’t unsubscribe from the newsletter format when we converted over to blog format.                                      Early on we sent out several periodic reminders of the move because we took such a drastic hit in our readership only to be met in some quarters by vitriolic attitudes and comments from several dozen disgruntled former readers. This included at least one unfounded  complaint to Yahoo who makes no attempt what so ever to determine the merits of the complaint but instead presumes you automatically guilty and threatens to kill off your group.

2.) Yahoo Groups is itself on shaky ground and something we cannot be sure will actually remain for any length of time.  I am a member still of several Yahoo groups and this is a constant source of worry among the owners.

3.) Daily blogs on Yahoo must be done daily. You cannot upload ahead of time and schedule releases as we can with the blog.
     For example my personal goal every week is to have the blog completed and ready to upload not later than 3 PM on Monday.  Occasionally something happens between then and Tuesday evening requiring me to add to and repost but most of the time what you see has been waiting in the cloud for posting for 48 hours when you get it. This was one of the things that made blog format so attractive and has helped us continue the blog despite increased pressures on our time

4.) Quality will serious suffer. Those Yahoo issues were assembled in an e-Mail handling program, not a blog creation program.        Yahoo is not compatible with a blog creation program. Ergo much of what you have become accustom to will no longer be possible.
      Slick layouts, embedded videos and such will be a thing of the past again which is one of the reasons we moved. Also issues will severely shrink in size as there is a limit of roughly 1/4 to 1/3 the size of a normal blog file when it comes to e-Mails and long term storage of past issues will no longer be possible.

Thanks to both of you for the support and putting your ideas out there for our consideration. You never know when someone doing such a thing will cause us to think about something we might not have or re-examine a previous discarded notion. At this moment in time I can say that no option has been ruled out and is off the table…as yet.

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You’re An EXTREME Redneck When…

1 You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2 The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3 You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4 You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5 You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6 Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’

7 You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8 Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9 Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.’

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

 

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The is a saying in the Military, particularly the Navy & Marines-

“One Oh Shit! Will immediately wipe out a career’s worth of ‘Atta Boys’”

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That’s some pretty serious optimism!

When you’re from the country you look at things a little differently…

A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your Dad home?” the rancher asked.

“No sir, he isn’t,” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well,” said the rancher, “Is your Mother here?”

“No sir, she’s not here either. She went into town with Dad.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” the boy asked politely. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad.”

“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”‘

The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to Pa about that,” he finally conceded. “If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Howard.”

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HELGA’S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP

DEAR DIARY – DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship — all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this “all-girls” trip.


DEAR DIARY – DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today — seems like a very nice man.


DEAR DIARY – DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.

Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.


DEAR DIARY – DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship’s casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne.

He asked me to stay the night, but I

DECLINED…


DEAR DIARY – DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.

Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship. I was shocked.


DEAR DIARY – DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.

Twice.

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Only in the Southwest

Call Jesus

As I was driving home yesterday, worrying about all the stuff going on in Washington, Ottawa, London, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, etc., and how America is falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said:

NEED HELP?

CALL JESUS

1-800-005-3787

Out of curiosity and desperation, I did.

A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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7 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 393 for Wednesday May 3rd 2017

  1. Ginny says:

    I agree with you….Yahoo isn’t the answer. I wish I could give you a brilliant solution….but I’m coming up with NADA. I just hate the torture you both are going through. Thanks for another
    great issue.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Recently I had an idea about a “workaround” to the posting problem and had Impish call me so I could
      explain it and my theory behind why I thought it might work to him. I had to have him try it because
      I didn’t come up with it until after I had gotten my issue to upload and had not started on another as yet.

      He thought it was an excellent idea and tried it as soon as he got home abet , on a smaller scale than I had envisioned
      for the trial to be, but with great results. I cautioned him against optimism based on it working a single time. Yesterday I
      started next weeks issue and did basically a full scale test of my workaround and it seems at this point to function quite well.

      As of this moment approximately 1/2 of next weeks issue is already upload and it didn’t take multiple attempts to get it done.
      I won’t call it a success until both Impish and I had full issues upload using my workaround but we’re optimistic.

      What is sad and annoys the hell out of me is that I had to scratch my chin for two weeks straight to come up with a workaround instead
      of WordPress whom we pay for the site AND SUPPORT fixing the damned problem!

      • Ginny says:

        I just knew a Leprechaun and a Dragon would come up with something that might work. So I’m crossing my fingers and eyes till we know for sure. Please do let me know if it is truly a cure as typing with crossed fingers and eyes are a bitch. Hugs to both of you!

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        How is that any different from when we’re picking you up off the floor here on Party Mountain from having one too many Peachcombers?

      • Ginny says:

        Well this year, you don’t have to pick me up…..I’m going with just staying on the floor. Put detour signs all around me…..lol

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        I’ve fallen and I don’t wanna get up?
        What’s the next line, ‘Just hand me down another drink’?

        Sounds very Irish of you!

      • Ginny K9 says:

        I like it.

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