Good Morning Campers!
As you are well aware, we’ve been having serious issues with being able to publish our ezine. Lethal Leprechaun had much difficulty publishing his issue and I imagine I may well have the same on Saturday. But, I guess we’ll see.
If you’re reading this, then we’ve overcome the problem again, if you’re not reading this than I suppose nothing I say at this point will make any difference since you aren’t reading it, anyway.
So, with that bundle of fun out of the way, let’s get on with today’s Dragon Laffs.
Never underestimate the bland and unimaginative.
Or Lowes, or K-mart, or Kroger….strangely, I’ve been invited back to Walmart and been given a lower rate on my Walmart credit card.
And it’s called a phone and making phone calls is the least thing that we do with it.
Yup, that’s about what my mom would’ve done.
A few weekends ago we had our annual “laser tag” tournament. Pictured here is one of the semi-final matches with K2 (on top dragon) going against Paul K9 (on the green dragon). The match was won, barely in overtime, by Paul. Way to go Paul! Hopefully you enjoyed the “Prize” you won…even if Ginny didn’t.
All I remember is Lethal turning to me and saying, “Here, hold my beer and watch this!”
Damn. I got the wrong answer. I thought it was 19.
No doubt. That is WAYYYYYYY Cool!
Commuting Frequently Asked Questions #215: Yes, this does indeed qualify for the carpool lane.
Ouch! Damn!
Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One-day God calls and asks Satan, “So, how’s it going down there?”
Satan says, “Hey things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
God is horrified. “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake; he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here!”
Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I’m keeping him.”
God says, “Send him back up here, or I’ll sue.”
“Yeah, right,” Satan laughs, “And where are you going to get a lawyer?”
I’m thinking you’re not even going to be able to GIVE that dog away.
That is bad….that is sooooooo bad.
1. My Mom’s friend got tired of her kids eating her scallops when they went to restaurants, so she told them that scallops are “Dolphin Balls.” 2. The rumble strips on the highway are for the blind drivers. It took me seven years to realize blind people don’t drive! 3. My dad told me that oil spots on the street were little kids that got run over because they didn’t hold anyone’s hand while crossing the street. 4. “When you lie, your ears turn red.” I covered my ears every time I lied. 5. My grandmother told my mother that the left boob is for regular milk and the right is for chocolate milk. Mom believed this until she was in high school and took sex ed. 6. If the ice cream truck is playing music, it means they have run out of ice cream. 7. My Dad told me that if I swallow chewing gum my poops would bounce up and down in the toilet. I cried when I swallowed some gum. 8. My mother told me that when earthquake happens, our planet is fighting with another planet. I believed that shit until the second grade. 9. My Dad used to tell me Santa was tired of milk and cookies. I’d get extra toys if I left Doritos and a beer. That went on for years. 10. Oh no, this isn’t Cola it’s black water you wouldn’t like it. 11. My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it the plane would crash. 12. People get 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit, you can’t physically speak until the new month begins. Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, “Careful now, I have to think you are up over 9,000 by now.” That would shut me right up. 13. When I was little, my dad told me that Pulp Fiction was a documentary on oranges because he didn’t want me to watch it. 14. I told my kids that if they didn’t behave in the drive-thru lane, they’d get a Sad Meal. 15. When we went to the store my mom used to tell, “Every time I touch something a kitten dies.” 16. My mom told me that if I ate raw cookie dough I’d get worms. 17. Grandma said: “If you wander off, the boogie man will kill you and make sausage out of you.” 18. “They don’t sell replacement batteries for that toy.” 19. Chuck E Cheese is only for birthday parties. You have to be invited to one to go there. 20. My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me they were “Italian Onion Rings”.
Ain’t that the damn truth!!!!
“The only fun thing about filing your tax return is getting a refund. About 80 percent of taxpayers get money back, which is a weird thing to be happy about. That means you’ve been overpaying all year long. It’s like if someone broke into your house and the police recovered the stuff and brought it back and you said, ‘Oh, presents.’ ” — Jimmy Kimmel You’re giving the government an interest free loan all year. And you’re exited you’re getting your own money back. – Impish Dragon 
Okay! That’s it!! Nobody, and I mean NO BODY! Goes to sleep on Sunday! Is that understood!!!!????
“Cough” – “Through” – “Rough” – “Though”
None of these words rhyme. But, for some godforsaken reason
“Pony” and “Bologna” Do.
English is weird.
It’s so very, very sad…but it’s also so very true! People are beginning to disgust me.
Recently in the news, you may have heard that we dropped the most powerful, non-nuclear weapon in the American arsenal. The GBU-43/B Massive Ordnance Air Blast or MOAB. MOAB is commonly referred to as the Mother Of All Bombs. Well, below we have the MOALB.
Just FYI. This is what the real MOAB looks like with a nice scale shown with the people standing beside it:
After getting all of Pope Francis’s luggage loaded into the limo at the airport, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
“Who’s going to tell?” asks the Pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets into the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 130 mph. (Remember, the Pope is Argentinean, and Fangio, the famous racer, was Argentinean.)
“Please slow down, Your Holiness,” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. “Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license – and my job!” moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches; but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. “I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 130 mph.
“So bust him,” says the Chief.
“I don’t think we want to do that. He’s really important,” said the cop.
The Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!”
“No, I mean really important,” said the cop with a bit of persistence.
The Chief then asked, “Who do you have there, the mayor?”
Cop: “Bigger.”
Chief: “A senator?”
Cop: “Bigger.”
Chief: “The President?”
Cop: “Bigger.”
“Well,” said the Chief, “who is it?”
Cop: “I think it’s GOD!”
The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, “What makes you think it’s God?”
Cop: “His chauffeur is the Pope!”
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
“It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.”
“It’s a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one’s safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract.” – Alan Shepherd
I hope you have enjoyed my limited offerings today. Now, I’ve just got to find out whether or not this thing is going to post or not.
Cheers
Impish Dragon
Dragon Laffs 
KUDOS to both of you, fighting the evil demon CHANGE, or in other words, New and Improved. I really do feel for you because I had to get a new washer and dryer, and it is completely computerized. Did I hear an echo of New and Improved? It takes me forever to get them to start, but I haven’t had to face 17 tries yet, so you are still the hero!
Ginny, “Dragon Laffs” has NEVER been “normal”! That’s what makes it so super-duper excellent! This was really an excellent issue, Impish, and had me laughing and shaking my head in wonderment at the same time! Great job!
As the old saw goes, “Seventeenth time’s the charm!” (Inflation, you know….it use to be “Third time”)
I stayed up late in anticipation….and FANTASTiC……Dragon Laffs is back to normal. Let’s hope it stays that way. Great jokes and really great everything on this issue. It will make a bunch of people happy. Have a great weekend…THANKS to you and Lethal for all your efforts to keep
Dragon Laffs alive!
Sadly Ginny, what you don’t know is that the issue only posted on the 17th try.
Not HAPPY to hear that! It came in about the normal time…so I thought all was good again. So I guess the help desk is still Patel in the middle of no where on a milk crate.