Morning Folks!

Tis early Sunday afternoon as I write these words. I’m thinkin I’ll be tryin for several times a day for several days afore I get this thing to upload so I’m for getting an early jump on it so you’ll nae be feeling withdrawal pangs come Wednesday.

A few word o’ explanation about my opening banner seem ta be in order so here they are-

As you are undoubtedly aware, Impish spent most of Easter week and  Eater it self not only pink and furry but stuck looking 1/2 way between the Easter Bunny and himself. The look was quite…something and I had the notion to make a few extra quid off the situation by getting some stuffed animals wearing little shirts emblazoned ‘I Luv Martians’. The animal were to be 1/2 bunny/half dragon and of course pink and furry.

My plan was to then offer these up for sale to you folks and make a tidy profit on the whole thing. Problem was I came to the idea late ( I must be getting soft in me later years) and really needed to move fast of capitalize on the idea.

A contact of mine had a contact who knew someone in the stuffed animal importing business who claimed to have a source who was over stocked with Easter Bunnies they were looking to unload and were willing to rework them. I hastily agreed and the order was placed. What you see is what I got instead of what I planned to sell.

Damned Chinese!

Bad Diet

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, raised his hand and said, “Wedding Cake?”

THAT folks is an M-1 Abrams Tank they’re drifting.

SPEAKING of battlefields…let’s check in on United Airlines humor!

United’s New Seating Plan:

There’s even a video game to prepare you for flying United now!

Brains

Lisa, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

After a while, several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed, and both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer, who had noticed here on his way into the store, became concerned when he came out 40 minutes later and saw her in the same position. He walked over to her car and noticed that Lisa’s eyes were open and that she had very strange expression.

He asked her if she was okay.

Lisa replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

Using his cell phone the man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, the paramedics found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough had hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until the man noticed and came to her aid.

Lisa is blonde…

Going back to the subject of flying for a moment, how cool a pet is this?

Apparently those couple pictures I posted for St. Padrag’s Day of me hiding me very first pot o’ gold were quite a hit with some of you. Recently I was asked if I had any photos of me as a brand new Marine. Here ya go, this is the only one I know of.

Here’s a Pet Rock that packin’ a wee bit o’ attitude!

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.

“This young CPA agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.

“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.

And so they haggled before the King, until he demanded silence.

“My sword! Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and we shall cut the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”

“Fine. Sounds good to me,” said the first lady.

But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let this other woman’s daughter marry him.”

The wise king did not hesitate a moment.

“Indeed, the accountant must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.

“But she was willing to hack him in two!” exclaimed the king’s court.

“Precisely!” said wise King Solomon…

“That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”

Recently Impish showed you a view of the pool for the Penthouse here at Keebler Towers from the ground looking up. That was all the perspective he had available to him because frankly he’s not allowed anywhere near the pool for obvious reasons.

Since we received a few private comments about it I thought I’d give you two other viewing perspectives of the pool. First what you see looking down:

And now an inside the pool prospective view:

Isn’t the view the pool provides breath taking? Wednesdays tan really is coming along nicely too!

And of course being a Fae Friendly environment we also have our very own resident Pool Nymph:

Ten Signs That Your Life Is About To Change:

10. While watching the news, you spot your spouse marching in a Gay Pride parade.

9. The bank notifies you that your paycheck has bounced.

8. On a densely foggy morning, while driving in the center lane of a highway, you suddenly run out of gas.

7. You arrive at your wedding to find, two ushers, four bridesmaids, and six pallbearers.

6. You ask your doctor for a physical and he replies, “I’m sorry, I don’t do autopsies.”

5. The IRS invites you to a weenie-roast and the invitation begins with “Dear Weenie…”.

6. While surfing the internet, you suddenly get the following dialogue box: “ICBM launch successful. Confirm strike? (Y/N)”.

4. You receive an invitation from the Oval Office to “chew the fat”.

3. You hear that your dentist has been arrested for using radioactive material as tooth-filling.

2. At the vacant house next door, you notice a U-haul van and a truck which looks very similar to the one on the Beverly Hillbillies.

1. Your twelve-year-old daughter suddenly develops a craving for pickles and ice cream.

And all the while you thought ‘Ghostriders in the Sky’ was just a song!

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said, “Lord have mercy, I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license, they’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT…

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”