Dragon Laffs #1520–Happy New Year!


New Year 2017

Happy New Year Campers

Welcome to the Dragon Laffs and Leprechaun Laffs Multimedia Enterprises, LLC. New Year’s Eve Gala, Bash, Hedonistic Celebration! Also know as the DL&LLMENYEGBHC.ani_ny_ChampagneGlasses01  And you wonder why we didn’t send out written invitations!  I presented this party idea to the miserly Lethal Leprechaun, who you might remember only gave me a measly 500,00 gp for the last party I hosted and he informed me that engraved invitations were out for this party! 

ani_ny_mouse_champagne01Do ya realize how much the engravin’ would be now laddie?, he asked me.

Well, since we are a multimedia company, I would assume we had our OWN engraving service.

Aye, we do.  And it would still be a cost per letter, and more than 1000 personal engraved invitations, that works out to 4,337 gold and that’s just for the ridiculous title of your ridiculous bloody party!  Nay!  Just send out the invites like we normally do.  Through mythical magical mail service!

Bloody no sense dragons.

Anyway, that’s how that conversation went.

Needless to say, the party starts …. well … about now!  So, grab yourself a beverage, partake of all the wonderful food and start this party by wading through this, our special New Year’s issue.

What are you all doing still standing here!  Let’s get this party started!

Let's Laugh

1993-01-01

One of the most over used or misused part of New Year is the New Year Resolution.  So, one of the things that I resolve is to face every obstacle, every day with fun and laughter.  I thought of that when I read this joke from our dear friend Ginny and I realize that this is the exact way that Mrs. Dragon and I behave with each other, and the same way that Lethal and I do, although I do care how big his butt is.

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!”

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. “What in the world is this?” He said to himself as a little “dust” cloud appeared when he shook them out.

“April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”

She replied with a snicker, “It’s not talcum powder It’s ‘Miracle Grow!’”

1993-12-31

Happt Nude Rear

Sometimes my dyslexia kicks in….sorry.

You know, it’s normally Lethal who has the recipes, but this one is from our own Ginny and I think you’ll like this one.

Happy New Year2

RECIPE FOR A HAPPY NEW YEAR Take twelve whole months.
Clean them thoroughly of all bitterness,
Hate, and jealousy.
Make them just as fresh and clean as possible.

Now cut each month into twenty-eight, thirty, or
Thirty-one different parts,
But don’t make up the whole batch at once.
Prepare it one day at a time out of these ingredients.

Mix well into each day one part of faith,
One part of patience, one part of courage,
And one part of work.
Add to each day one part of hope,
Faithfulness, generosity, and kindness.
Blend with one part prayer, one part meditation,
And one good deed.
Season the whole with a dash of good spirits,
A sprinkle of fun, a pinch of play,
And a cupful of good humor.

Pour all of this into a vessel of love.
Cook thoroughly over radiant joy,
Garnish with a smile,
And serve with quietness, unselfishness,
And cheerfulness.
You’re bound to have a happy new year.

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Dang!  There’s that dyslexia kicking in again.

So, this is actually a Christmas poem, but it is so true and so suitable for the New Year as well, that I have got to share it with you.  This describes me (and I suspect most of you) to a tee!

THE JOY OF CHRISTMAS 2016
I HAVE A LIST OF PEOPLE
 
I have a list of people
All written in a book –
And every year at Christmas time
I go and take a look.
And that is when I realize
That those names are all a part –
Not of the book they’re written in
But of my very heart.
 
For each name stands for someone
Who has crossed my path some time –
And in that meeting they’ve become
A treasured friend of mine.
 And once you’ve met some people
The years cannot erase –
The memory of a pleasant word
Or of a friendly face.
So when I send an email
That is addressed to you –
It’s because you’re on that ‘Special list’
Of folk that I’m indebted to.
And you are one of several folk
In times past that I’ve met –
And happen to be one of those
I don’t want ever to forget.
And whether I have known you
For many years or few
In some way you have had a part 
In shaping things I do.
 
So this, the Spirit of Christmas
That forever still endures –
May it leave its richest blessing
In the hearts of you and yours!
     From our home to yours – God Bless You!

See what I mean?

7

So, what the hell does Auld Lang Syne mean, anyway?  Well, for the best answer I could find, we go to the ABC News website.  There we learn:

Here it is. The answer to a perennial question of what on earth does “Auld Lang Syne” mean?

The confusion over the song is arguably almost as much of a tradition as the song itself. As revelers stumble and mumble through the verses-singing the “auld lang syne” part much louder than the rest of the song because it’s really the only part people know-someone always asks what the words mean.

The title of the Scottish tune translates to “times gone by” and is about remembering friends from the past and not letting them be forgotten.

Despite its strong association with New Year’s Eve, “Auld Lang Syne,” written by Robert Burns in the 1700s, was never intended to be a holiday song. Guy Lombardo is credited with popularizing the song when his band used it as a segue between two radio programs during a live performance at the Roosevelt Hotel in New York in 1929. By coincidence, they played “Auld Lang Syne” just after the clock hit midnight, and a New Year’s tradition was born.

The song, and the confusion that comes with it, has been immortalized in countless movies and TV shows.

In “When Harry Met Sally,” Billy Crystal’s baffled Harry wonders, What does this song mean? My whole life, I don’t know what this song means. I mean, ‘Should old acquaintance be forgot?’ Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances. Or does it mean that if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot them?”

Well, maybe it just means that we should remember that we forgot them or something,” Sally reasons. “Anyway, it’s about old friends.”

So as you surround yourself with friends old and new tonight, sing on.

And if you really want to impress people, here are the lyrics to the English translated version of the song you’ll probably hear:

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Should old acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?

CHORUS: For auld lang syne, my dear, for auld lang syne, we’ll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne. And surely you’ll buy your pint cup and surely I’ll buy mine! And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes, and picked the daisies fine ; But we’ve wandered many a weary foot, since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream, from morning sun till dine; But seas between us broad have roared since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there’s a hand my trusty friend ! And give us a hand o’ thine ! And we’ll take a right good-will draught, for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

Now, for one of the greatest renditions, here’s Straight No Chaser:

So, quickly, what’s the story of Straight No Chaser?  Straight No Chaser (SNC) is a professional acappella group which originated in 1996 at Indiana University. In 2007, a 1998 video of “The 12 Days of Christmas,” went viral with over 8 million views and subsequently led to a five-album record deal with Atlantic Records in 2008. The YouTube video has been viewed over 20 million times.

And the one that started it all….

There is a lot more information about them here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_No_Chaser_(group) and is well worth reading.  The Christmas Can Can is one that Lethal had for Christmas and I commented that it was one of my favorite songs.  You can go on YouTube and spend an hour or more just watching their videos.

8

 

Another thing we do for the New Year is look back at the old year to see what statistics have been measured.  Even silly things.  Like this long video (almost 40 minutes) of the Guinness world records that were broken in 2016 … like the longest selfie stick, the fastest dog on a ball for 10 meters, or the longest human/mattress domino fall.  Some of them are pretty cool.  Definitely worth watching (or I wouldn’t have put it here.  Duh!)

 

I know it’s not Thanksgiving, but at New Year’s, it’s also worth looking back at our own lives.  This was sent to me by Ginny, but it matches up with my own feelings so well, I have to share it with you.
My body sometimes feels sore, but it still works.
I don’t sleep well most nights, but I do wake up to fight another day.
My wallet is not full, but my stomach is. (Pretty tough feat for a dragon)
I don’t have all the things I ever wanted, but I do have everything I’ll ever need.
My life is by no means perfect, but it’s mine and I’m happy.
So many of us have so much more than most people around the world, but sadly, most people always want more.

Family:
Like branches on a tree, we all grow in different directions. Yet, our roots remain as one.

9I know that many of us are already inebriated enough that this is a real possibility tonight. 

How about some cool statistics about New Year’s Resolutions:

Top 10 New Years Resolutions for 2015 (as compiled by statisticbrain.com)

    1. Lose Weight
    2. Getting Organized
    3. Spend Less/Save More
    4. Enjoy Life to the Fullest
    5. Staying Fit and Healthy
    6. Learn Something Exciting
    7. Quit Smoking
    8. Help Others in Their Dreams
    9. Fall in Love
    10. Spend More Time with Family.

Now honestly, by a show of hands, how many of you have used at least half of these?  Yeah, I figured as much.  How about at least 6? 7? Still a couple of hands up. 8? 9?!  Of you that still have your hand up for 9, have any of you hit all ten!  Wow!  Really?  I wouldn’t have guessed it was that many of you.

How many have I done?  My own total is 7.

19

That is the same for so many of us!

  • Percent of Americans who usually make New Year’s Resolutions – – – – – – – – – – 45%
  • Percent of Americans who infrequently make New Year’s Resolutions – – – – – –  17%
  • Percent of American’s who absolutely never make New Year’s Resolutions – – –  38%
  • Percent of people who are successful in achieving their resolution – – – – – – – – – – – -8%
  • Percent who have infrequent success – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 49%
  • Percent who never succeed and fail on their resolution each year – – – – – – – – – – – -24%

People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions.

34

Yup, we all know some people like that.

Super Bowl season is fast approaching, so this next item is quite appropriate for this issue.  It comes from a Craig’s List item.

#SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY:

A friend of mine has two tickets for the February 05, 2017 Super Bowl @ NRG.

They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodation. He didn’t realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding – so he can’t go. If you’re interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at First Baptist Church in Houston, Texas at 5pm. Her name is Keisha. She will be the one in the white dress.

If he was truly serious with this offer, he would’ve included a picture of Keisha.

36

It happens quick, little fellow.  You blink your eyes and you’re an old man.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper. 

38

If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

a1

Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.

 

m1

As bad as 2016 has been, yeah, I’m right there with the pessimist.

 

m2

Disclaimer: Not JUST on New Year’s Eve.

 

m3

m4

And with that, we stroll into our closing to finish partying with all our fellow campers, friends, family, loved ones… We’ve been invited to the party opener, which also happens to be the issue ender.  So, let’s wonder over to Lethal’s private quarters, shall we?

The closing today has been given over to my dear friend, brother, fellow warrior and partner in nattering in this ezine.  I give you, Lethal Leprechaun:

Hi Folks!
 
Come on in, help yourself to a Peachcomber there on the bar. I think Impish went a wee overboard with his guesstimation of the quantity required for this shindig. I mean COME ON! An entire swimming pool full of them? When you’re all tankard up, grab some couch and get comfy I’ve been reflecting on the past year and I’ve a few thoughts I’d like to share with you as  has become our custom here at DL/LL Enterprises (and apparently Peachcomber bottlers). (Sorry, I get so many requests for Peachcombers that I may have gone a little overboard.  But, I’m pretty sure, it will all be gone before the golden ball falls from the top of Dragon Tower.)
 
2016 was a pretty hard hitting year for most of us. We’ve borne witness to a lot of tumultuous events, which for brevity’s sake I’ll not list here.
 
We’ve suffered through the hypocrisy of ‘Black Lives Matter’ protests and riots, a National Elections that was at best an embarrassment and at worst made us a laughing stock for the rest of the world.
 
We’ve been hacked, attacked, suffered the slings and arrows of the left leaning media and now endure the temper tantrums and incessant whining of the liberals who refuse to let go of their election defeat and move on with the business of making the US the best country on earth.
 
We lost a lot of good people in 2016 too. People like but not limited to-
 
David Bowie – Singer, Songwriter, Actor
Alan Rickman – Actor
Dan Haggerty – Actor
Glen Frey – Singer, Songwriter
Abe Vigoda – Comedic Actor
George Kennedy – Actor
Nancy Reagan – former First Lady
Joe Garagiola – Pro Baseball Catcher, Baseball Announcer and TV host
Garry Shandling – Comedic Actor
Patty Duke – Actress
Prince – Singer-Songwriter
Morley Safer – Broadcast Journalist, Reporter, and Vietnam War Correspondent
Alan Young – Actor, Voice Actor, Comedian, Radio and Television Host
Mohamed Ali – Boxing Legend
Anton Yelchin – TV Actor (Chekov on the original Star Trek)
Gary Marshall – TV Producer
Steven Hill – TV Actor
Gene Wilder – Comedic Actor
Arnold Palmer – Golf Legend
Robert Vaughn – TV Actor
Florence Henderson – TV Actress
Fidel Castro – Former Prime Minister of Cuba
Ron Glass – Comedic TV Actor
John Glenn – Astronaut and Senator
Alan Thicke – Actor, Songwriter, Game and Talk Show Host
Zsa Zsa Gabor – Actress and Socialite
 
and just in the past week we lost:
George Michaels  – Singer, Songwriter, Record Producer and (unsung) Philanthropist
Carrie Fisher- Actress, Mental Health and Dependency advocate (Princess Leia)
Debbie Reynolds – Actress, Singer, Mother to Carrie Fisher
 
Now I know this is the natural order of things. Heroes, Legends, Cultural Icons what have you, they all age and eventually die, generally in large groups because they all tend to be of an age based on the generation that made them the successful public figure they are.
What concerns me however is when I look at the current crop of famous figures and what they represent and stand for. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs (RIP),
John McCain, Sam Elliot, John Cena, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, J.J. Watts, ok all decent role models and laudable people. But what about Kanye West, the Kardashians (ad naseum), Johnny Manziel, the American Flag protesting NFL players (to say nothing of the ones being arrested regular for domestic violence.
For brevity sake (and the sake of your stomachs) let me just lump all the ridiculous stars of ‘Reality TV’ together w/o specifically naming any of
them in reference to this.
 
These are the heroes of the next generation and frankly that scares the hell out of me just about more than anything else I can thing of.
 
It also strengthens my resolve to continue helping Impish keep our lone candle of logic and levity lit amidst the encroaching darkness of Political Correctness and Illogical Liberalism so that we sane few might survive for yet another year.
 
I guess what I am really saying should really be directed at 2017 itself:
 

1a

That’s for your semi sober attention. Now get out of here, this is my private guest quarters after all!
Besides you need to be out there partying like it’s the end of the world, because at the rate things are going we just don’t know if there will be time for an end of the world party when it comes.
 
Oh! And be sure to keep Impish from swimming in the Peachcombers please!
ID and LL

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6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1520–Happy New Year!

  1. Maggie Culligan says:

    Dear Fellas,,
    A great issue!!!,, May both you and your families have a SAFE, HEALTHY AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.
    Maggie

  2. Ginny says:

    An outstanding issue to end the year 2016. Wishing you all a very Happy New Year….may it be filled with all your hopes and dreams. May it bring good health and financial gains.

  3. Leah D says:

    A new year with great hope for we finally have a new president!

  4. Happy New Year! Another one we lost this year that wasn’t mentioned was Leonard Cohen…absolutely loved that man and his music. Started listening to him way back in the 60’s…he will be greatly missed.

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